[Exalted] Simeone, the Serpent upon the Tower

[golentan]

Defalcator Caste
Caste Mark: A coiled serpent around a tower.

Caste Abilities: A defalcator is a peerless spy and sneak thief. Their caste abilities are Athletics, Investigate, Larceny, Socialize, and Stealth.

Anima Power: TBD

Imperfection of the Serpent on the Tower:
Simeone knows how to hide among her enemies as easily as rely on her friends, but she never feels more exposed than when on her own. Her perfect defenses will not function if there are fewer than 5 individuals who could use a Defend Other action to aid her, whether or not they would be inclined to do so.

The Torment of Simione
When Simione accumulates 10 points of limit, she suffers the curse of her own essence. It lashes out, and robs her of the possessions she has accumulated. For one week, she loses metaphysical ownership of all her possessions, forcibly de-attuning her from artifacts, manses, and the like. Even mundane objects are not immune: Any object with a resources value less than the successes on an essence roll is likely to be misplaced at the most inopportune moment.

Charm Tree

First Simeone Excellency
Simeone is free spirited and uncontrolled. She is sometimes called the Principle of Chaos, but while she abhors external limits on behavior she expects people to live by their own rules. She takes from others to prove that she can, but holds no sentiment for the possessions she wins. She is endlessly giving to those weaker than her, but demands they take her gifts themselves. Her favored tactic is to move and strike unseen, hiding amongst her enemies and feigning weakness. She turns her enemy's strength against itself, biding her time until she sees a gap. When she acts, she improvises with the tools she has at hand. Though she leads those who would follow, she does so by suggestion and temptation, disdaining direct orders or threats.

The serpent upon the tower favors graceful, quick actions, preferring to act once in a perfect motion rather than waste her talents. Though she seems self centered, she has hidden depths of character, and never harms the innocent.

Simeone Mythos Exultant
Simeone's nature is to improvise to spectacular effect whether it is success or failure. This charm doubles the number of stunt dice awarded for any applicable stunt, but does not actually increase the level of the stunt or associated benefits.

Disobedience Detecting Mirror
Cost: 1m; Mins: Essence 2
Type: Simple
Keywords: Combo-OK
Duration: Instant
Prerequisites: None
Simeone knows a kindred spirit when she meets them. When this charm is activated, the infernal learns whether a single target they can see has lied or committed a crime within the past week, as well as the nature of the most recent infraction. Used repeatedly, this can easily be used to tell if someone is trying to mislead the infernal.

Fruits of Deception
Cost: -; Mins: Essence 4
Type: Permanent
Keywords: Shaping, Compulsion
Duration: Permanent
Prerequisites: Disobedience Detecting mirror
All who defy those who would hold them back are cultists of Simione. Any time someone within [essence] yards commits an offense that could be identified by this charm's prerequisite, the infernal may steal 1 mote from their peripheral pool. If they have no essence pool (I.E. are mortal), they instead lose a dot of willpower. Any target reduced to 0 willpower by this charm becomes a cultist of the infernal in truth. A second repurchase of this charm at essence 5+ upgrades the range to [essence] miles, but only for the purposes of blatant crimes such as theft or murder. To identify who committed the crime or its nature, the infernal must still use Disobedience Detecting Mirror.

Ruler among Thieves
Cost: 1m or 3m; Mins: Essence 2
Type: Supplemental
Keywords: Combo-OK, Social
Duration: Instant
Prerequisites: Disobedience Detecting Mirror
Simeone knows the desire for freedom that hides in the hearts of men, and can bring it forth with a few choice words. For 3m, any social attack advocating an activity that could be detected with this charm's prerequisite becomes unnatural mental influence. Once some one has given in to their desires, they fall further under Simeone's spell: any social attack against someone who has committed a crime in the last day becomes unnatural mental influence for the cost of 1m.

Forked Tongue Eloquence
Cost: 5m; Mins: Essence 3
Type: Simple (speed 5)
Keywords: Combo-OK, Social, Obvious
Duration: Instant
Prerequisites: Ruler Among Thieves
None can deny the truth Simione speaks, a fact she exploits to better deceive her foes. As the infernal opens her mouth, her tongue splits and her voice takes on a distinctive hissing quality which transfixes all who hear it. This charm creates an unblockable, undodgeable social attack against a single target. An infernal who takes this charm may never again tell a falsehood without the use of at least a half truth (any lie must contain on truthful element).

Theft of Meaning
Cost: 5m, 1wp; Mins: Essence 3
Type: Reflexive (step 2)
Keywords: Combo-OK, Social
Duration: One Action
Prerequisites: Ruler among Thieves
A true thief doesn't limit herself to the physical. With this charm, the infernal steals the idea behind a phrase, rendering it harmless. This constitutes a perfect social parry that may even defend against unblockable attacks. For the remainder of their action, the target of this charm's words remain nonsensical and they can do nothing more than babble. This suffers from the Flaw of the Serpent upon the Tower.

Queen Walks Unseen
Cost: 5m; Mins: Essence 3;
Type: Supplemental
Keywords: Combo-OK
Duration: Indefinite
Prerequisites: Ruler among Thieves
A magnanimous ruler must move among his subjects to know their needs. A paranoid one must predict betrayals. This charm supplements any attempt at stealth, adding [essence] automatic successes to remain unobserved in a crowd, to a maximum of the crowd's magnitude. This can also be used to reestablish surprise in combat.

The Walls Have Eyes
Cost: 1m; Mins: Essence 3
Type: Simple
Keywords: Sorcerous
Duration: Indefinite
Prerequisites: Queen Walks Unseen
Information is power, and Simione knows how to find both. Taking up a coin, scale, or similar token, the infernal makes the Mudra of Unrestricted Vision. As long as the motes for this charm remain committed, she may observe through the token as if it were her own eyes and ears.

Tailing Suspect Prana
Cost: -(+2m); Mins: Essence 3
Type: Permanent
Keywords: None
Duration: Permanent
Prerequisites: The Walls have Eyes
This charm permanently upgrades its prerequisite. For an additional cost of 2m at activation, the token created is mobile, growing into a small snake two inches long and as thin as a child's finger. It has a speed of essence yards/tick, and scores essence successes to conceal itself.

Serpent Swallowing Secret
Cost: 7m, 1wp; Mins: Essence 3
Type: Simple
Keywords: None
Duration: Instant
Prerequisites: Fruits of Deception
Unhinging her jaw, the infernal swallows something she has stolen and stores it Elsewhere, up to [Essence] objects. Anything she has taken without permission counts, including such esoteric possibilities as "stealing" a kiss allowing her to seize and swallow a willing individual. For a single mote, the infernal may summon a swallowed object to her side. This may also be used to send a target to the infernal's inner world if she possesses one.

Serpent Skin Meditation
Cost: -; Mins: Essence 2
Type: Permanent
Keywords: None
Duration: Permanent
Essence infuses Simeone's hide, strengthening and fortifying her. Small ridges like the scales of a snake cover her skin, and protect from the harshest blows. This charm allows the infernal to soak lethal damage with her full stamina. A repurchase at essence 3+ adds the infernal's essence to her bashing soak, and a third purchase at essence 4+ adds essence to lethal soak as well.

Metamorphic Molt
Cost: - (5m); Mins: Essence 3
Type: Simple (1 hour)
Keywords: Shaping, Combo-OK
Duration: Instant
A serpent changes its skin as naturally as it breathes, revealing its true self beneath. As a one hour dramatic action, the infernal may peel away their own skin, removing any shaping effects currently afflicting her. Alternatively, for a reflexive cost of five motes she sheds her skin magically in seconds, ending the shaping effect before it resolves.

Green Man's Gift
Cost: 5m, 1wp; Mins: Essence 4
Type: Simple
Keywords: Shaping, Sorcerous
Duration: Instant
Simione's soul, the Green Man, represents her love for her followers and desire to give back to them. But she will only allow him to give to those who prove themselves worthy. This charm targets an individual who holds something stolen from the user, whether a shed scale or the finest jade sculpture. Fortune favors the possessor, granting the target a dot of a background such as Resources, Command, Face, Backing, or the like. Alternatively, the item may function as a one dot artifact talisman, as per exalted pg. 379.

Entering the Tower Methodology
Cost: -; Mins: Essence 3
Type: Permanent
Keywords: None
Duration: Permanent
Prerequisites: Serpent Skin Meditation
Even mighty wards and charms are not enough to keep Simeone out. If a location is magically warded or protected in some way, the wards are bypassed but the difficulty to do so is increased by the essence score of the being which created the wards. A repurchase allows a dexterity + larceny roll (difficulty 3), to enter a spirit's sanctum or other supernatural location to which there is an entrance nearby.

Heart of Gold Prana
Cost: 1m+ (1 Ahl), Mins: Essence 3
Type: Reflexive
Keywords: Combo-OK, Holy
Duration: Instant
Prerequisites: Entering the Tower Methodology
During the reclamation, Simeone stole something precious from the sun itself- his heart. Though she was ordered to destroy it, something about it spoke to her and she hid it away to call upon in times of need. By spending 1m per die during a virtue check or channel, she may treat her virtues as higher for the effect (to a maximum of 6). If a virtue is raised to 6, the effect becomes holy, inflicting aggravated damage to creatures of darkness if applicable as golden fire licks around the infernal. Channeling the power of heaven in this way burns the exalt as well, inflicting 1 Aggravated health level.

Essence Fang Technique
Cost: 2m; Mins: Essence 2
Type: Supplemental
Keywords: Combo-OK
Duration: Instant
Prerequisites: Serpent Skin Meditation
Simeone's fangs find their way past any armor. Used to augment a single attack, that attack gains the piercing tag. If it already had the piercing tag, it bypasses all soak from armor so long as it penetrates hardness.

Venom Laden Kiss
Cost: 2m; Mins: Essence 2
Type: Supplemental
Keywords: Combo-OK, Poison, Stackable
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: Essence Fang Technique
It is not Simeone's fangs her foes fear, but what they carry. Augmenting any melee or martial arts attack, the attack becomes poisonous, inflicting a venom of 6L/action, toxicity 4, tolerance None, Penalty -3 should it deal any levels of damage. In addition, should she have an unsuspecting foe in a position where she can bite or kiss them, she may apply her poisonous essence directly without need for an attack. The enemy is entitled to an opposed roll to realize their danger. Those who succumb to the venom feel a euphoric lightheadedness before collapsing.

Soul Hollowing Sting
Cost: -(+4m); Mins: Essence 3
Type: permanent
Keywords: Combo-OK, Poison, Stackable
Duration: permanent
Prerequisite Charms: Venom Laden Kiss
Even those who have no blood have reason to keep simeone's poison away from their veins. This charm upgrades its prerequisite for an additional cost of 4m, but affects even spirits and creatures normally immune to poison. At every interval the poison inflicts damage, the victim loses [essence/2] motes in addition. Should a spirit lose its last health level before the poison loses its potency, they are dissipated as per Ghost Eating Technique.

Mongoose Avoiding Sway
Cost: 4m; Mins: Essence 3
Type: Reflexive (step 2)
Keywords: Combo-OK, Obvious
Duration: Instant
Prerequisites: Serpent Skin Meditation
Moving faster than thought, the infernal's essence flares momentarily like a cobra hood, carrying her out of the path of danger. This is a perfect dodge that may even dodge undodgeable attacks. This is subject to the Imperfection of the Serpent upon the Tower.

[golentan]

Reserved for Great Justice

[Primal Fury]

For the excellency, you need to italicize the keywords, otherwise, it's unclear when it can be applied.

[golentan]

Copypasta ate my formatting. I'll fix it up pretty later tonight.

[Primal Fury]

Right off the bat, Fruits of Deception should be a Shaping and Compulsion effect.

And the Imperfection is the same as Xefas's Telum, and isn't... unique enough. She Who Lives has that on top of her regular Imperfection, so you might want to cook up a new one, as this one is really easy to get around (especially considering the Imperfection can't be overridden by making the attack expected.)

You're gonna get ganked. Hard.

[golentan]

Changed Fruits of Deception.

I agree the imperfection needs work, but I can't really think of how to fix it. I was thinking I might make it cost more/not applicable if not used in a crowd, for example.

Added two more charms, The Walls have Eyes and Tailing Suspect Prana.

[Primal Fury]

Heart of Gold Prana is very interesting, I like how it uses the experiences of the Tiger rather than just their nature to define their charmset (like how She Who Lives heard Space Monster Scream and World Whale Keening, and made charms out of them). Why does it do aggravated damage to the user though?

[golentan]

Only when you go to Superhuman virtue levels. The character is still a creature of darkness, and I figured that channeling holy energy but being burned by it was appropriate. It was a thematic choice as much as anything, I guess.

[Primal Fury]

Creatures of Darkness explicitly cannot use Holy charms until they stop being Creatures of Darkness. That's kind of that point of being a CoD: The Sun says you can't use his magic.

[golentan]

Hrmm... I thought that might be the case, but couldn't find an explicit statement in the core book or scroll of errata to that effect.

If I'm wrong, I'm okay with taking out the holy keyword and effect. But I figured in that absence, the "I stole it" + "Fine, but you get burned too" combo was appropriate.

[Primal Fury]

The charm would be just fine if she wasn't still a CoD. It's strange.... One would assume that by that point, any Infernal that wasn't on board with the Reclamation would have bamboozled Sol into de-CoD-ifying them. Well... maybe it's a different point in the timeline.

[Xefas]

Hmm...well, I'm guessing Sol created the concept of Holy via a high-Essence charm. It's Essence 6 for a Solar to maintain the concept of Holy after its already been created.

So, I think it'd be fair for one of us Devil-Tigers to make an Essence 8 charm that creates the concept of Shmoly, which is like Holy in every way, but someone other than Sol gets to decide who is and isn't on the list.

EDIT: Not that it wouldn't just be easier to make a charm that de-CoDs you, as Abyssals do it pre-Elder Essence, or to just try to convince Sol to take us off, but I like the idea of giving him the finger instead.

[Primal Fury]

So, I think it'd be fair for one of us Devil-Tigers to make an Essence 8 charm that creates the concept of Shmoly, which is like Holy in every way, but someone other than Sol gets to decide who is and isn't on the list.

I call shenanigans.

Why do that when you could make your very own list of people you don't like? If the Devil Tiger needs someone else's power to be awesome, then something is wrong.

[golentan]

Well, the idea was kind-a giving the One Fingered Salute to everyone involved. I can't see her looking for approval from Sol any more than I can see her being fond of most CoDs.

[Xefas]

I call shenanigans.

Why do that when you could make your very own list of people you don't like? If the Devil Tiger needs someone else's power to be awesome, then something is wrong.

It's not that they need someone else's power to be awesome. It's about giving a giant supernatural double deuce to a self-righteous destructively-lackadaisical douchebag.

The only reason his little black list means anything is because he has more power than everyone else. Once you get a bunch of Essence 10 Primordials on the scene, I see no reason not to point and laugh and tear down all the pointless vestiges of the pretend-rulers that came before. What's he going to do about it?

[Primal Fury]

It's not that they need someone else's power to be awesome. It's about giving a giant supernatural double deuce to a self-righteous destructively-lackadaisical douchebag.

Fair enough. But...

What's he going to do about it?

If the Geas doesn't affect him with relation to these Devil Tigers (which I'm not sure about, I'm away from my books at the moment), he can just curb stomp them. The way the crunch is set up now, he never actually has to drop his Temperance. Sure, the ST likely wouldn't be that much of a butthole about it, but RAW he's Completely Invincible (barring badass chicanery).

Don't even get me started on what happens when he jumps into the Daystrider.

EDIT: Blech. I'm rambling. All I'm saying is why make "Schmoly" when you could make something so much better?

[Xefas]

If the Geas doesn't affect him with relation to these Devil Tigers (which I'm not sure about, I'm away from my books at the moment), he can just curb stomp them. The way the crunch is set up now, he never actually has to drop his Temperance. Sure, the ST likely wouldn't be that much of a butthole about it, but RAW he's Completely Invincible (barring badass chicanery).

The Geas is represented by a Cecelyne charm, I believe - Unquestionable Yozi Authority, which can be adapted by all the other Yozi. Basically, at Essence 10, with two purchases, no Demons nor Gods can ever take action to directly harm you.

As Devil-Tigers, we can't adapt charms, but we can certainly just buy them.

Don't even get me started on what happens when he jumps into the Daystrider.

Well, and this will be different for other games, but in the game Sanguine is running, the Daystar already got squishified. By Kimbery. I guess he took her name rather literally.

EDIT: Blech. I'm rambling. All I'm saying is why make "Schmoly" when you could make something so much better?

Why not do both? We have 2500xp.

EDIT: That's 166 5-dot familiars.

[Primal Fury]

The Geas is represented by a Cecelyne charm, I believe - Unquestionable Yozi Authority, which can be adapted by all the other Yozi. Basically, at Essence 10, with two purchases, no Demons nor Gods can ever take action to directly harm you.

I was under the impression that Sol (along with the other Incarna) had a built-in Gaes that was independent of that charm.

Well, and this will be different for other games, but in the game Sanguine is running, the Daystar already got squishified. By Kimbery. I guess he took her name rather literally.

Oh... Well... I guess that's what happens when you mess with Big Momma.

Why not do both? We have 2500xp.

Mmmm... I'd still spend it on something else, but that's just me.

[Xefas]

Mmmm... I'd still spend it on something else, but that's just me.

Oh, well, I'm certainly not going to spend the XP on that. My character doesn't care. If anything, I'd try to get him hooked up to the Network so he can Ustream the Games of Divinity to the rest of Creation. The information needs to get out somehow, and if I can do it without having another person get addicted, that's even better.

[golentan]

Added a couple more charms. I'm not sure about the Balance of Soul Hollowing Sting (it gives a fairly wide window of opportunity to destroy spirits, so I was thinking of upping the cost further, but it does lack some of the benefits of Ghost Eater... so... ?)

And now I'm going to start expanding to some of the other themes I had in mind for her: Namely Camraderie and Jungles.

[Revlid]

Imperfection of the Serpent on the Tower:
Simeone knows how to hide among her enemies as easily as rely on her friends, but she never feels more exposed than when on her own. Her perfect defenses will not function if there are fewer than 5 other individuals within [essence] yards.

So what happens if I just store five Sesseljae in my guts, or have some bound spirits float immaterial about me when fighting non-Celestials?

I like the idea, but it needs some kind of qualifier. Possibly note that, for someone to count, it must be possible for them to take a Defend Other action benefiting the Infernal, even if they have absolutely no reason to (or it is not their tick, etc).

The Torment of Simione

Very cool.

First Simeone Excellency

Interesting, but I object strongly to this;

Though she seems self centered, she has hidden depths of character, and never harms the innocent.

Yozis/Primordials don't have hidden depths of character. They don't get to. They are what they are, no more, no less, and cannot comprehend why they might be otherwise. It takes murdering parts of their soul to get them to even slightly shift their outlook, and outright reincarnation to get them to undergo a paradigm shift.

Define "innocent" in relation to this Yozi.

Simeone Mythos Exultant
Simeone's nature is to improvise to spectacular effect whether it is success or failure. This charm doubles the number of dice rolled for any applicable stunt, but does not actually increase the level of the stunt or associated benefits.

Sorry, do you double the dice awarded, or the total dice pool? The former is fine, the latter is broken.

Disobedience Detecting Mirror

Define "crime". By Cecelyne's law, it is a crime for the weak to stand against the strong. By Skullstone's law, it is a crime to force a ghost to pass on. By the Realm's law, it is a crime to make unauthorised Jade artifacts.

Currently, using this once tells you the most recent lie/crime. Using it again tells you that same lie/crime, unless another has been commited in this six ticks since it was used. Is it intended to move backwards, telling you the most recent unknown lie/crime?

Consider comparing this to Factual Determination Analysis, SWLiHN's first Charm.

Fruits of Deception

This is really quite weird. Now you have a perfect, undefeatable lie-detector that you are paid for using, since you respire a mote whenever someone lies within [Essence] yards. In fact, you could have a bunch of summoned demons chant "the sky is green" and (so long as you're not in Malfeas) you'll regain motes at a rate of knots.

I think you mean "lose a point of Willpower". Dots are bit different.

Ruler among Thieves

I'd clarify that last part - right now it sounds like a permanent benefit.

You really need to clarify crime. Does jaywalking count? Does it count if the target didn't even notice they'd commited a crime?

Forked Tongue Eloquence

So she prefers to tell the truth? Interesting, for a crime Yozi. You might want to put that in her Excellency.

How is it that this is a Charm based around "none can deny my truth" and yet I can still lie with it? This isn't how Yozis work.

Solars might have a Charm like this - they do "stuff that humans do" to absolute supernatural perfection, so simple "put in 5m, get a perfect attack" Charms are right up their street. A Yozi Charm is likely to be cheaper or more potent, but have some odd restriction (like "can only be used when telling the truth" or "cannot be used on a Tuesday" or whatever). The goal of the Charmset is to make the character more like the Yozi, whether through restriction (you must/cannot do this) or incentive (your Charms work better if you do this).

Theft of Meaning

I like the idea of this, but am not sure what the "can do nothing more than babble" means. Is this purely to act as a social flurry-breaker? My note about how Yozi Charms are supposed to be weird applies here as well, but less so - I would probably have had it as stealing the plausibility of the target's words, resulting in an immediate (non-verbal) Performance counterattack after the parry, convincing everyone affected of the lack of truthfulness behind their statement.

Queen Walks Unseen

So Simeone considers herself royalty or a ruler? Might want to put that in her Excellency.

Why is it Indefinite? How can it be used in combat?

The Walls Have Eyes/Tailing Suspect Prana

This is Sorcerous, so you should note more explicitly that the motes are commited, despite that keyword.

Also, compare to Coin of Distant Vision (The White Treatise). I know Sorcery is kind of ass right now, but that spell (Terrestrial Circle, incidentally) has the right idea. If you want a better example, compare to Mobile Sensory Drone (Alchemicals).

Serpent Swallowing Secret

There is a reason that there are so few ways to send someone to Elsewhere; it ****s up the game something fierce.

Also - how do you "steal" a kiss if your target is willing?

Also - can this only be used on items the Infernal doesn't own? If so, that's cool, but it incentivizes Torment and makes it impossible to use attuned artifacts with this Charm.

What kind of action is summoning a swallowed object to her side? Reflexive?

Inner World shenanigans are a no-no within a native Yozi Charmset. That stuff is straight-up high-Essence Heretical, son.

[QUOTE=golentan;10326709]Serpent Skin Meditation[quote]Why does a Yozi presumably aligned with dodging and hiding have a weaker version of Scar-Writ Saga Shield?

Metamorphic Molt

The first option is cool. The second less so, as it runs into the problem that the other two Yozis with 5m Shaping defenses both have personalized consequences for using them - Cecelyne gives you an intimacy toward whatever Calvinball law you made up, while Kimbery forces a mutation on you. Yozis are weird. Show it!

Green Man's Gift

Define "stolen". If I inform my followers that it's perfectly alright to steal from me, and they do so, is that theft? If I place something I own out in an open field, turn my back, and wait for a Circle-member to grab it, is that theft?

Turning mundane objects into artifacts like this is a no-no, especially with its abilities so ill-defined.

How does the granted background manifest? What happens if it is dispelled?

Entering the Tower Methodology

A Charm that is too vague and all-encompassing is potentially a Charm that is much too powerful. Go and look up all the different types of wards and defences available to a place, and then come back and write up how, when and whether each one is circumvented.

Heart of Gold Prana

This is an Artifact, not a Charm. It should also read "one dot higher" rather than just "higher".

And no Holy for Creatures of Darkness. No, not even then.

For those in the audience saying that Yozis should have the ability to make their own Holy - some of them already do. Note how Malfeas causes Aggravated damage to those he hates (and eventually everyone), while Kimbery has Reviled intimacies, SWLiHN has dedicated anti-Fae tech, and Autochthon has the Axiomatic keyword. Yozis don't get to use Holy because (aside from their universal CoD status) none of them have "hurts what the Sun condemns" as part of their portfolio.

During the reclamation, Simeone stole something precious from the sun itself. His heart.

mfw

Essence Fang Technique

The phrase "lolno" simply does not cover my incredulity that you would actually think this is an okay Charm.

Venom Laden Kiss/Soul Hollowing Sting

Look at other Yozi Charmtrees. Note how, when it comes to general attack-trees, they very seldom have a number of distinct Charms they can use. Rather, they tend to have one or two Charms that get upgraded with other Permanent Charms to provide additional effects and options. Malfeas has GSNF, SWLiHN has MHM, the Ebon Dragon has LBEA.

Why isn't Soul-Hollowing Sting an upgrade to Venom-Laden Kiss?

Also - if Venom-Laden Kiss can enhance a melee attack, it should be able to enhance any attack. If you like, why not start it off with "unarmed only" and then include armed attacks as an automatic upgrade at a certain Essence level? Or if that wasn't your goal, restrict it entirely to "close range" attacks, a-la Adorjan Charms?

Mongoose Avoiding Sway

First off, this needs an Imperfection.

Secondly, you're writing these combat Charms like they're part of a Snake-based Martial Arts Style (and god knows we've already got two of those). These are Yozi Charms, meant for a being transcending form, an entity so massive they require multiple souls just to define the minutia of their personalities. Write them like that, not like Solar-level Snake Style Charms.

[golentan]

So what happens if I just store five Sesseljae in my guts, or have some bound spirits float immaterial about me when fighting non-Celestials?

I like the idea, but it needs some kind of qualifier. Possibly note that, for someone to count, it must be possible for them to take a Defend Other action benefiting the Infernal, even if they have absolutely no reason to (or it is not their tick, etc).

Thank you. That's a good way of setting it up.

Very cool.

Interesting, but I object strongly to this;Yozis/Primordials don't have hidden depths of character. They don't get to. They are what they are, no more, no less, and cannot comprehend why they might be otherwise. It takes murdering parts of their soul to get them to even slightly shift their outlook, and outright reincarnation to get them to undergo a paradigm shift.

The thing is that other people's interpretations have very little to do with their nature. "Hidden Depths" doesn't mean "Changes opinion," in this case it's more that parts of her nature are secrets that she keeps from other people where possible.

Define "innocent" in relation to this Yozi.

Bystanders and/or followers.

Sorry, do you double the dice awarded, or the total dice pool? The former is fine, the latter is broken.

The former. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Define "crime". By Cecelyne's law, it is a crime for the weak to stand against the strong. By Skullstone's law, it is a crime to force a ghost to pass on. By the Realm's law, it is a crime to make unauthorised Jade artifacts.

How's this:
Charm Concept: Criminal Activity and Lies
Some simeone charms specify that they effect crime and those who commit them. This refers specifically to willful disobedience of prevailing laws of the region. For example, within the Realm disobeying the order of a Terrestrial Exalt would qualify, but disobeying an order from a terrestrial not recognized as such would not, and the same strictures would not hold true in Malfeas or Halta. Similarly, a lie is a statement willfully intended to deceive which the speaker believes has a reasonable chance of succeeding. For example, saying an eclipse has occurred would not qualify outdoors. A repetition of a lie does not constitute a new lie for the purposes of charms.

Currently, using this once tells you the most recent lie/crime. Using it again tells you that same lie/crime, unless another has been commited in this six ticks since it was used. Is it intended to move backwards, telling you the most recent unknown lie/crime?

Consider comparing this to Factual Determination Analysis, SWLiHN's first Charm.

It was intended to function as "most recent only" and be comparable in Point by Point lie detection with FDA.

This is really quite weird. Now you have a perfect, undefeatable lie-detector that you are paid for using, since you respire a mote whenever someone lies within [Essence] yards. In fact, you could have a bunch of summoned demons chant "the sky is green" and (so long as you're not in Malfeas) you'll regain motes at a rate of knots.

I think you mean "lose a point of Willpower". Dots are bit different.

Hopefully the above fixes this a bit, in that demons ordered to so act would not be willfully attempting to deceive and would not be saying new lies, and would just be a bit loopy.

And I'll fix the willpower phrasing.

I'd clarify that last part - right now it sounds like a permanent benefit.

I'll think about how to phrase it. I tried to make it clear that it was a charm activation for one mote to make an UMI social attack against valid targets.

You really need to clarify crime. Does jaywalking count? Does it count if the target didn't even notice they'd commited a crime?

See above.

So she prefers to tell the truth? Interesting, for a crime Yozi. You might want to put that in her Excellency.

How is it that this is a Charm based around "none can deny my truth" and yet I can still lie with it? This isn't how Yozis work.

"My truth" is not "the truth," and it was meant to provide some weird true/false interactions. I left out a line in the fluff portion that would have clarified that.

Solars might have a Charm like this - they do "stuff that humans do" to absolute supernatural perfection, so simple "put in 5m, get a perfect attack" Charms are right up their street. A Yozi Charm is likely to be cheaper or more potent, but have some odd restriction (like "can only be used when telling the truth" or "cannot be used on a Tuesday" or whatever). The goal of the Charmset is to make the character more like the Yozi, whether through restriction (you must/cannot do this) or incentive (your Charms work better if you do this).

Hrrm. I threw in a restriction in my edit.

[QUOTE]I like the idea of this, but am not sure what the "can do nothing more than babble" means. Is this purely to act as a social flurry-breaker? My note about how Yozi Charms are supposed to be weird applies here as well, but less so - I would probably have had it as stealing the plausibility of the target's words, resulting in an immediate (non-verbal) Performance counterattack after the parry, convincing everyone affected of the lack of truthfulness behind their statement.[QUOTE]

Yes, it's a social flurry breaker. I don't see how stealing the principle behind linguistics from someone for a couple of minutes fails to qualify as sufficiently weird for your purposes, but to each their own.

So Simeone considers herself royalty or a ruler? Might want to put that in her Excellency.

Why is it Indefinite? How can it be used in combat?

The excellency is a WIP while I expand on her themes and charm tree. It is indefinite because so long as the motes remain committed, the stealth benefits remain. Queen Walks Unseen can be used in combat to add successes to, say, the stealth roll to reestablish surprise.

This is Sorcerous, so you should note more explicitly that the motes are commited, despite that keyword.

Also, compare to Coin of Distant Vision (The White Treatise). I know Sorcery is kind of ass right now, but that spell (Terrestrial Circle, incidentally) has the right idea. If you want a better example, compare to Mobile Sensory Drone (Alchemicals).

I'll look into it. It does actually specify the motes are committed in the body of the text already...

There is a reason that there are so few ways to send someone to Elsewhere; it ****s up the game something fierce.

Also - how do you "steal" a kiss if your target is willing?

Also - can this only be used on items the Infernal doesn't own? If so, that's cool, but it incentivizes Torment and makes it impossible to use attuned artifacts with this Charm.

What kind of action is summoning a swallowed object to her side? Reflexive?

Inner World shenanigans are a no-no within a native Yozi Charmset. That stuff is straight-up high-Essence Heretical, son.

Could you please elaborate on how it messes up the game? And you probably can't steal a kiss if the subject is willing, but having done so the subject can be swallowed if willing. That probably makes more sense in my head.

It can be used with things that are metaphysically theirs, but only if they did not start that way. And it doesn't particularly protect the items from torment. I did mean to specify it was a reflexive action, yes.

This whole thing is heretical, and that particular effect only works for folks who already have the relevant inner world charm. I don't see why it's a no-no if they've already got it.

Why does a Yozi presumably aligned with dodging and hiding have a weaker version of Scar-Writ Saga Shield?

Because she's a snake! Scaly Serpentine transhuman monster. She has more than a single dimension to her, and as I said I'm working on expanding some of the others. It's the start of the chain I have culminating in her turning into a giant snake final boss monster shintai. WIP

The first option is cool. The second less so, as it runs into the problem that the other two Yozis with 5m Shaping defenses both have personalized consequences for using them - Cecelyne gives you an intimacy toward whatever Calvinball law you made up, while Kimbery forces a mutation on you. Yozis are weird. Show it!

Would giving temporary negative mutations as a desecration effect qualify? I was considering throwing them in as side effect when I wrote it in the first place.

Define "stolen". If I inform my followers that it's perfectly alright to steal from me, and they do so, is that theft? If I place something I own out in an open field, turn my back, and wait for a Circle-member to grab it, is that theft?

Turning mundane objects into artifacts like this is a no-no, especially with its abilities so ill-defined.

How does the granted background manifest? What happens if it is dispelled?

This is the level of artifact you can buy as a 3-dot resources purchase. We're not even talking hearthstone amulet here.

A Charm that is too vague and all-encompassing is potentially a Charm that is much too powerful. Go and look up all the different types of wards and defences available to a place, and then come back and write up how, when and whether each one is circumvented.

It grants a chance to overcome a ward, at a fairly high difficulty roll for any significant one. Not even destroy it or disable it, just bypass without getting fried. Is there a reason this is too all encompassing? It basically says "treat magical locks and equivalents as normal locks for larceny rolls."

This is an Artifact, not a Charm. It should also read "one dot higher" rather than just "higher".

And no Holy for Creatures of Darkness. No, not even then.

For those in the audience saying that Yozis should have the ability to make their own Holy - some of them already do. Note how Malfeas causes Aggravated damage to those he hates (and eventually everyone), while Kimbery has Reviled intimacies, SWLiHN has dedicated anti-Fae tech, and Autochthon has the Axiomatic keyword. Yozis don't get to use Holy because (aside from their universal CoD status) none of them have "hurts what the Sun condemns" as part of their portfolio.

Respectfully disagree on the artifact idea. It's more an abstraction than an actual physical heart. As well, it ties into the hidden depths thing you were complaining about in the excellency. I'm too fond of the fluff, and ST has agreed to back me, so I'm ignoring future complaints about heart of gold prana. Just so you know before you or someone else decides to pick on it again.

mfw

The phrase "lolno" simply does not cover my incredulity that you would actually think this is an okay Charm.

These comments are *completely* unhelpful. Let me explain my logic: Since it doesn't bypass hardness or natural soak, armor retains some usefulness and every soak based defense charm including non-perfects I could think of remains intact. If it is OP, tweaks are something I not only can do but want to. As I said, this is my first homebrew attempt at charms, hence asking for feedback. That had best come as useful feedback with actual points and thought, or I'm going to get annoyed. Quickly.

Look at other Yozi Charmtrees. Note how, when it comes to general attack-trees, they very seldom have a number of distinct Charms they can use. Rather, they tend to have one or two Charms that get upgraded with other Permanent Charms to provide additional effects and options. Malfeas has GSNF, SWLiHN has MHM, the Ebon Dragon has LBEA.

Why isn't Soul-Hollowing Sting an upgrade to Venom-Laden Kiss?

Meant it to be, wrote it up wrong. Fixed it.

Also - if Venom-Laden Kiss can enhance a melee attack, it should be able to enhance any attack. If you like, why not start it off with "unarmed only" and then include armed attacks as an automatic upgrade at a certain Essence level? Or if that wasn't your goal, restrict it entirely to "close range" attacks, a-la Adorjan Charms?

Close range was my intent, indeed. I'll fix it up.

First off, this needs an Imperfection.

Thought I had mentioned it, failed to, fixed.

Secondly, you're writing these combat Charms like they're part of a Snake-based Martial Arts Style (and god knows we've already got two of those). These are Yozi Charms, meant for a being transcending form, an entity so massive they require multiple souls just to define the minutia of their personalities. Write them like that, not like Solar-level Snake Style Charms.

Part of transformation into giant snake bossmonster, as mentioned. I.E. Working on it.

[Jokasti]

Secondly, you're writing these combat Charms like they're part of a Snake-based Martial Arts Style (and god knows we've already got two of those). These are Yozi Charms, meant for a being transcending form, an entity so massive they require multiple souls just to define the minutia of their personalities. Write them like that, not like Solar-level Snake Style Charms.

Has anyone seriously allowed Cobra Style, though?

[golentan]

Has anyone seriously allowed Cobra Style, though?

There's probably one guy somewhere who has.

[Primal Fury]

Since it doesn't bypass hardness or natural soak, armor retains some usefulness and every soak based defense charm including non-perfects I could think of remains intact.

Hardness is ridiculously easy to get through with damage adders, or even ignore entirely with certain other charms, allowing this charm to make armor entirely worthless. And natural soak doesn't amount to a whole lot either.

and ST has agreed to back me, so I'm ignoring future complaints about heart of gold prana.

That's a shame.

[golentan]

So, if you have a suggestion to keep the feel I was going for while balancing it, I'm entirely ears. If, say, you tell me that simply adding piercing is enough and I should leave off any secondary benefit, I can change it now.

[Jokasti]

Respectfully disagree on the artifact idea. It's more an abstraction than an actual physical heart. As well, it ties into the hidden depths thing you were complaining about in the excellency. I'm too fond of the fluff, and ST has agreed to back me, so I'm ignoring future complaints about heart of gold prana. Just so you know before you or someone else decides to pick on it again.

Nitpick then? Could

During the reclamation, Simeone stole something precious from the sun itself. His heart.

become

During the reclamation, Simeone stole something precious from the sun itself- his heart.

or something similar?

[golentan]

Why not. Changed.

[Primal Fury]

If, say, you tell me that simply adding piercing is enough and I should leave off any secondary benefit, I can change it now.

The strength of the charm is only part of the problem, it's just kinda... boring. Like Revild said, it feels like a martial arts charm. Simeone's fangs can piece any armor, so can the celestial snake's fangs. Why are her fangs so special? She Who Lives's Mind Hand Manipulation can be made to create any conceivable (or inconceivable) harmful stimulus. Malfeas burns with unquenchable hate that takes the form of emerald flame. The Ebon Dragon's poison rots your soul from the inside out and turns you into a monster.

I'd suggest skipping the fang charm and going straight for the poison.

Also, you need to change the wording on that Soul Hollowing charm. As is, it is able to permanently kill Primordials (since you linked in to Ghost Eating Technique), and Primordial charms can't do that (not even Devil-Tiger charms, that's what Heretical charms are for.

[Revlid]

This whole thing is heretical, and that particular effect only works for folks who already have the relevant inner world charm. I don't see why it's a no-no if they've already got it.

Clarification: This whole thing is not Heretical, because it lacks the Heretical keyword. Heretical Charms are Charms that combine the thematics of multiple Yozis via cross-Yozi prerequisites, or Charms that exploit Exaltation and nature of the Green Sun Prince, through ascendancy, coadjutor-manipulation, etc.

Devil-Tiger Charmsets are perfectly normal Yozi/Primordial Charmsets, which follow all the same rules as every other such Charmset. They just happen to belong to a Primordial that does not (at time of creation) actually exist yet.

As I said, this is my first homebrew attempt at charms, hence asking for feedback. That had best come as useful feedback with actual points and thought, or I'm going to get annoyed. Quickly.

1. A generic "this attack becomes Piercing" Charm is boring. Far more so than I'd like to see in a Yozi Charmset.

2. A generic "this attack becomes Piercing" Charm certainly shouldn't cost 2m.

3. Taking a self-righteous tone is unlikely to make you friends, especially given that the rest of my post was aimed at constructive criticism.

I was going to make a more in-depth reply and clarify some of my other comments, but you've managed to lose my interest. Best of luck with the Charmset.