Angry Badgers, is there anything they can't solve?

[big teej]

greetings playgrounders,

two of my players have decided to take Dire Badgers as mounts.

this reminded me of a former DM of mine who's party SOP was to take the pet badger, stuff it into a backpack, and then throw said backpack at a bad guy, causing untold amounts of carnage.


so I ask

what problem cannot be solved by angry badgers?


come here and propose as many problems as you can think of, meanwhile, also post solutions to other people's problems in how they could be solved with angry badgers.


the more creative the better. (otherwise every answer will be "throw badgers at the problem")

though that in and of itself would be absolutely hilarious.


PS: if you have any angry badger stories (successful solution or not) please share them.

[Gullintanni]

My cousins level 1 paladin was beaten half to death (and fully unconcious) by a rabid badger. The rogue dragged the paladin away from the battle and the paladin lost his boots in the process.

When the party returned for the boots, the badger had peed in them.

[supermonkeyjoe]

greetings playgrounders,

two of my players have decided to take Dire Badgers as mounts.

this reminded me of a former DM of mine who's party SOP was to take the pet badger, stuff it into a backpack, and then throw said backpack at a bad guy, causing untold amounts of carnage.


so I ask

what problem cannot be solved by angry badgers?


come here and propose as many problems as you can think of, meanwhile, also post solutions to other people's problems in how they could be solved with angry badgers.


the more creative the better. (otherwise every answer will be "throw badgers at the problem")

though that in and of itself would be absolutely hilarious.


PS: if you have any angry badger stories (successful solution or not) please share them.

I infuriated a former DM once by chain-summoning celestial badgers all over a red dragon we were fighting, they did surprisingly well with the +4str from the augmented summoning feat, 1/day smite evil and flanking bonuses, never look down upon summoning 1d4+1 badgers a round

[Gullintanni]

I infuriated a former DM once by chain-summoning celestial badgers all over a red dragon we were fighting, they did surprisingly well with the +4str from the augmented summoning feat, 1/day smite evil and flanking bonuses, never look down upon summoning 1d4+1 badgers a round

This begs for someone to stat up a badger swarm.

[big teej]

I love it ^_^

moar moar!

[grarrrg]

what problem cannot be solved by angry badgers?

Angry bears. [/thread]

[Fitz10019]

Don't forget the tunnelling power of the dire badger.

To formally begin the OP's game...

Problem 1: when a paladin can't get his boots off.

Solution 1: angry badger (full bladder optional)

Problem 2: angry bears

Solution 2: more and more angry badgers

Problem 3: a premature "[/thread]"

Solution 3: more posts about angry badgers

Problem 4: Insomnia

[blackjack217]

solution 4: badgers beat you unconscious

[gomipile]

Angry bears. [/thread]

No. I'm afraid the result depends too sensitively on the badger/bear ratio. This is far from a trivial problem, and I am afraid that a full analysis would require at a minimum several grad students, a massive government grant, a large wall of flat panel multitouch displays, much coffee, and some high quality prostitutes.

[Marillion]

We did pretty much the same thing as OP, except with a raccoon.

And we'd shake it first.

"Prime the raccoon!"

[big teej]

Don't forget the tunnelling power of the dire badger.

To formally begin the OP's game...

Problem 1: when a paladin can't get his boots off.

Solution 1: angry badger (full bladder optional)

Problem 2: angry bears

Solution 2: more and more angry badgers

Problem 3: a premature "[/thread]"

Solution 3: more posts about angry badgers

Problem 4: Insomnia

No. I'm afraid the result depends too sensitively on the badger/bear ratio. This is far from a trivial problem, and I am afraid that a full analysis would require at a minimum several grad students, a massive government grant, a large wall of flat panel multitouch displays, much coffee, and some high quality prostitutes.

We did pretty much the same thing as OP, except with a raccoon.

And we'd shake it first.

"Prime the raccoon!"

-hands each a cookie-


MOAR!!!

-snigger- prime the racoon- -bursts into helpless laughter-

I'm stealing that quote for my group.

may I sig that?

[Zefig]

One of my recent campaigns had our party accidentally trapping, then adopting a young white dragon whelp. We ended up finding a helm of opposite alignment and sticking it on the little guy until it took effect. Leaving us with a mischievous little white dragon following us around.

A few dungeons later, we found a small gray bag in our pile of loot. Reasonably sure of what it was, I reached in and pulled out a rather angry badger. I wasn't really sure what to do with it at first, but then inspiration struck. I told our little dragon to sit, and when he did, tossed him his hissing, spitting, raging snack.

We never had to worry about finding treats for the little guy again.

[Radar]

Well, one angry badger is not enough to slay a Demogorgon.

Unless you go into Black Mage type of plans, then crossing a dangerous river might not be solvable by usage of furious furries.

[Marillion]

-snigger- prime the racoon- -bursts into helpless laughter-

I'm stealing that quote for my group.

may I sig that?

Haha, go ahead.

[gomipile]

Well, one angry badger is not enough to slay a Demogorgon.

Unless you go into Black Mage type of plans, then crossing a dangerous river might not be solvable by usage of furious furries.

Depending on how many catgirls you want to kill, one angry badger accelerated to relativistic velocities might do the trick. On a similar, but more RAW note, in 3.5 a Factotum could stack lots of precision damage on a badger used as an improvised ranged weapon. A badger used as an improvised weapon also qualifies as a target for the spell Hurl, giving it the returning property with a range increment of 10 feet.

Thus, using a returning badger, one could potentially slay a Demogorgon with one badger. I imagine that this would make the badger angry as well. Therefore one can only conclude from your linked video that a badger thrown by a level 1 gnome 4E barbarian is insufficient to kill Demogorgon. It might well be possible to slay Demogorgon with one badger using extraordinary means, however.

[Calimehter]

so I ask

what problem cannot be solved by angry badgers?

Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

[gomipile]

Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

Are you more sexually attractive than a pit of angry badgers? Appearing better than the alternative by comparison can be a powerful psychological motivator.

[GeekGirl]

No. I'm afraid the result depends too sensitively on the badger/bear ratio. This is far from a trivial problem, and I am afraid that a full analysis would require at a minimum several grad students, a massive government grant, a large wall of flat panel multitouch displays, much coffee, and some high quality prostitutes.

I volunteer my services. Not sure what exactly i can do for this, but I'm determined to help :D

Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

high bluff check.. convince her it is the only way to live through the oncoming badger assault.

[Cartigan]

Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

Tell her she is twice as lovely as an angry badger.

[Reverent-One]

Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

Get mauled by a group of angry badgers in her vicinity (perferably saving her from them), so that she can nurse you back to health and (theoretically) fall in love with you.


*Reverent-one does not endorse or suggest actually following the above plan and is not responsible for any injuries resulting from attempting it*

[gomipile]

For some reason, this thread has me imagining Insane Clown Posse singing the line "Angry badgers, how do they work?"

[The Cat Goddess]

Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

Utilize Angry Badgers to remove all other possible suitors.

You become "the final option".

Unless she's in to Angry Badgers... then they would have to remove themselves somehow.


Thus, the problem of "Angry Badgers" becomes a problem that "Angry Badgers" can't solve.

[gomipile]

Utilize Angry Badgers to remove all other possible suitors.

You become "the final option".

Unless she's in to Angry Badgers... then they would have to remove themselves somehow.


Thus, the problem of "Angry Badgers" becomes a problem that "Angry Badgers" can't solve.

Ah, you assume that the quality "angry" is binary. To counter that assumption, I posit the existence of an angrier badger. The angrier badger is still, obviously, angry, therefore qualifies as a member of the set of angry badgers.

Alternatively, you also assume the general equivalence of all badgers. Conversely, I propose the introduction of the stronger angry badger.

[Cartigan]

For some reason, this thread has me imagining Insane Clown Posse singing the line "Angry badgers, how do they work?"

Angry Badgers go in, Solution comes out. Can't explain that.

[The Cat Goddess]

Ah, you assume that the quality "angry" is binary. To counter that assumption, I posit the existence of an angrier badger. The angrier badger is still, obviously, angry, therefore qualifies as a member of the set of angry badgers.

Alternatively, you also assume the general equivalence of all badgers. Conversely, I propose the introduction of the stronger angry badger.

Ah, but then you're not solving the problem with "Angry Badgers". You're solving the problem with "Angrier" or "Stronger" Badgers. Thus, you are outside the bounds of the debate.

Not to mention the fact that any person aroused by "Angry Badgers" would most likely be even more aroused by "Angrier" and/or "Stronger" Badgers.

[Ravens_cry]

For some reason, this thread has me imagining Insane Clown Posse singing the line "Angry badgers, how do they work?"

Well, if there anything like Magnets, they are MAGIC.

[gomipile]

Ah, but then you're not solving the problem with "Angry Badgers". You're solving the problem with "Angrier" or "Stronger" Badgers. Thus, you are outside the bounds of the debate.

Not to mention the fact that any person aroused by "Angry Badgers" would most likely be even more aroused by "Angrier" and/or "Stronger" Badgers.

My point is that angrier badgers and stronger badgers are still angry badgers.

For every finite badger problem posed, one can posit bigger, stronger, angrier or whatever-er angry badgers which can beat the problematic angry badgers.

You'd have to go trans-transfinite to beat this chain. You would have to pose a problem involving the angriest, most powerful badgers possible.

To that I would have to respond, the only way to solve that angry badger problem with angry badgers is to find a way to declare that the problem in question is its own solution.

[Calimehter]

Much seems to hinge on whether or not I am more desirable than a pack of Angry Badgers.

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*ponders*

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Ah, crud.

[some guy]

the more creative the better. (otherwise every answer will be "throw badgers at the problem")

PS: if you have any angry badger stories (successful solution or not) please share them.

I do have an angry badger story, but involves throwing badgers at a problem.

I was DM'ing a bunch of friends who had never played D&D, as such they were ill equiped in the field of ranged weaponry. A problem most perilous when they encountered a perched harpy. The harpy pestered them with fly-by attacks, some of the party were enchanted by her song (and inclined to climb a very spikey tree) and not all had prepared ranged magicks or had ranged weaponry. They all had low hit points, so a tight spot.

Cue one of the druid-players: "Can I throw my badger at it?"
Me: "... Yes. Yes, you can."

That badger saved the party.

[NekoJoker]

I was once playing a specialist Conjurer for a WoW campaign a friend of mine concoted once, I started summoning all kinds of crazy stuff and used them in... questionable ways, such as hippogriffi grappling some orks, flying away and then sending them down as bombs on the unsuspecting platoon still on foot...


but I digress... this is a story about badgers and badgers it will have!

I summoned 1 and only 1 celestial badger onto the battlefield... it obliterated a whole squad of orks...

in reality it just dealt the finishing blows on already heavily damaged orks, but it was awesome to see how this tiny little creature just jumped and mawled at the greenskin bafoons!! In the end the bager had slain about 5 or 6 orks before dying heroically.

I was planning of making several statues of the little fella once we hit town again. It would have been the badger standing triumphally over a pile of greenskins. Unfortunately that campaign never got too far, one day we will come back to it and give the heroic badger the memorial he deserves

All hail Badger! All hail the orksbane!