A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default tell your funny D&D stories here

    hi i started this post to hear some funny stories so start em up
    the end is near hide from the gnomes&&&&and no im not a gnome fanatic... or am I bwahahahaha&&

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    ... You start.
    "We have become like unto tiny refreshing GODS!"
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    Quoteses, preciousssss...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viscount Einstrauss View Post
    Player: Heh, that was easy.
    DM: You take 12 lethal damage.
    Player: Huh? From what?
    DM: Raw spite.
    Quote Originally Posted by NecroPaladin View Post
    'FEAR MY CUBESHOES! RAAAAAR!'

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  3. - Top - End - #3
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    DnD does lend itself to humorous moments because it's hard to take seriously all the time. Every group has it's own set of hilarious moments though many of them fall into the "you had to be there" category.

    My favorite from my group:

    Our rather mentally unstable dwarf barbarian/fighter charges ahead towards a red dragon, leaving behind the rest of the party. Predictably, the dragon snatches him up and starts flying away to kill the dwarf at his leisure before circling back to pick on the rest of the party. The dwarf, firmly held in the dragons mouth, knowing he had no chance of winning a grappling check, decides he'd better use the magic item he had in his hand when the dragon grappled him. A figure of wonderous power. An elephant figurine. Named Stampy.

    The dragon was quite surprised to find itself 300 feet in the air and suddenly grappling an elephant. In the ensuing confusion both the dwarf and the elephant found themselves free of the grapple, which meant instead they were plummeting to the earth. The dwarf survived the fall due to high hit points, but the elephant . . . splashed.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Halfling in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    I shall not give you full stories, but rather quotes form which you can discern the madness of my RP groups. And all of these are true.

    "..and then the monkey exploded."

    "I might be armour plated, but I can't breathe porridge!"

    "Sigmar's Sausage! Rain of snotlings!"

    "So we put him in a wicker ball and kciked him around a bit."

    "You walk away, there's a pile of rubble slowly burning behind you..."
    "When isn't there?"

    "Well, I suppose it woul be best if I took my car; I mean, it's not the fastest thing in the world, but you can't carry me while you're flying, yuo can't run with me in your arms and I don't think that you could feasibly invent something in the next few minutes that could get me across the city and OH MY GOD YOU'RE GOING TO FIRE ME OUT OF A CANNON AREN'T YOU?!"
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  5. - Top - End - #5
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Fualkner Asiniti's Avatar

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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    My friend's sorceror is a little psychotic, and he attacked a preist for no reason, really. So here's what I did.

    Me (DM): you are suddenly on the ground, tied up. you are being carried away by two guards, probably to the jailhouse three blocks away.

    PC: dang.

    Me: anyway, would you like to rethink that?

    PC: I do NOT attack the preist,instead I walk out and attack the merchant selling scrolls...

    some people never learn ;)
    My sister has more ranks in Tumble then your level 13 rogue!

    (Seriously. She's a gymnast.)
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    I'm not gonna pass up a 4 armed hug!
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  6. - Top - End - #6
    Titan in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Quote Originally Posted by Artisan
    "Well, I suppose it woul be best if I took my car; I mean, it's not the fastest thing in the world, but you can't carry me while you're flying, yuo can't run with me in your arms and I don't think that you could feasibly invent something in the next few minutes that could get me across the city and OH MY GOD YOU'RE GOING TO FIRE ME OUT OF A CANNON AREN'T YOU?!"
    I'm going to go die laughing now.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    I have a couple of funny stories.

    Baby dragon abuse.
    I was in a small group doing the sunless citidel, and we'd made friends with the kobold leader. We had promised to procure the baby white dragon which was her favorite pet, for a reward of course. So we set off to find it, which we did. It had made it's little room icey and slippery so we decided to lure it out so we didn't slip on the ice so we had a guy on the other side of the hallway opposite to the door and taunted it so it would run at us and get a ton of attacks of opportunity so we all did nonlethal to irbut everyone but one person critted and confirmed with nonlethal. We being new didn't really know how to handle that so the DM just decided it was so addled by all the longswords hitting it with thier flats that it slammed against the wall next to the one that taunted it.


    The worlds hardest CR 1/2
    Again, the sunless citidel, but a little later with another group and I was a different character. Well we'd gotten most of the dungeon polished off but we wanted to see if there were any more goblins to do away with for the sake of the village. So we came across a hallway with darts being shot at us when pressure pads were stepped on. So I was the tank and I went first, But remember I'm also the healer. I went down in two rounds. The guy that followed me was a secondary healer but had used up all his heal spells and because HE was still standing there he was taken down in ONE round. So we have two bleeding healers lying there, so another guy tries to go out there and drag us to safety. He gets hurt pretty bad but we're safely across. Then the druid runs across, getting hit twice but living and healing himself and the two bleeding healers to conciousness and so the last thing on the other side of the trap is a wolf. He jumped...didn't touch the ground at all......I'd never felt more stupid when I was outwitted by a wolf who knew how to jump....


    This one's kinda short, but I like it anyway;

    "....I like your style"
    We were doing a quick adventure that was basically just rooms with monsters and treasure in it, But our DM being as professional as he was did a good job of RPing it. We came across a medium brass dragon who was lying on his massive hoard of gold, and we detected a single magic item. My character was the only one with a positive charisma score, so i talked to it to try and take it's magic item for very reduced pay. I was chaotic evil, he was chaotic good so this is how our conversation went.
    Me: "I'm willing to buy that magic item I've detected within your pile"
    Dragon: "oh yeah? what if i'm not willing to give it up?"
    Me: "I'd like to ask you again....otherwise I might have to end up in a situation you might not like"
    Dragon: "I don't like what you're telling me"
    Me: "I bet a brass dragon's head could be worth something...."
    Dragon: "I wonder how much YOURS would be worth when i melt it"
    Me: "I could say the same to you..."
    Dragon: ".....I like your style"
    I won the dragons friendship through a series of witty threats...I loved that.
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  8. - Top - End - #8
    Halfling in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Seven Imps take down Level 14 party.

    So we were just starting out D&D back in high school, and the previous DM had gotten the party up to level 14 before he let me have a go at DM'ing. The party had a Sorcerer, a Monk, a Psion, two Fighters, a Ranger, and a Cleric.

    It's a hot summer day, and the party had, for some reason, not taken their mounts along, and I'm describing the heat waves, the mirages, and so forth that they see along the road ahead, just for flavor (and also the seven imps hiding along the road using their invisibility talent to try and get to the next town quickly).

    So the Monk decides to charge on ahead at the nearest mirage, outdistancing the rest of the party pretty quickly, and finds himself in the midst of the seven imps. Initiative is rolled. Monk rolls abysmally. Seven imps stun him with their poison stingers, and are setting up for a coup de grace.

    One of the Fighters charges forward (the rest of the party stood back and let all this happen). Fighter is stunned, Monk fails Fort save against the coup de grace.

    The Cleric casts detect magic or something to see if anything magical is ahead (nevermind the corpse and the soon-to-be-corpse). The Sorcerer starts layering himself with protection spells (as opposed to dropping a magic missile or lightning bolt into the imps).

    The Ranger starts firing, takes down the imp who was setting up to kill the Fighter, and wounds another.

    Then the Psion drops a Whitefire into the very dry, cracked, combustible field that the road is winding through.

    Not my gaming group's proudest moment.

  9. - Top - End - #9

    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    This one time, my second-level rogue blackjacked a black wyrmling into unconsciousness. Thank you, Evasion.

    Another time, in Eberron, my fighter kicked the Emperor of Riedra square in the nuts.
    ...bastard still made his concentration check. Damn Quori spirits.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Not D&D but Vampire: the Requiem. Still a funny story though. I'm a malkovian with schitsofrenia. Hears voices, but he's still very intelligent, had money, looked a little older than most vampires. Prehaps in his mid-thirties, and dosn't come off as crazy. This took place in The Village in NYC:

    GM: Okay you just fed and your on your way home. On your way out of the alley there are two guys waiting for you. One is a big black guy with a bat. The other is a short ugly looking guy. They look angrily at you.
    Me: Well I'm not suited for combat, so I'm going to run away as fast as I can.
    GM: Okay the ugly looking guy shoots at you and hits you in the leg as you run by. The Big black guy chases after you with a bat.
    Me: Crap! I pull out my gun and shoot him while on the run
    GM: The bullet goes into the black guy's head, but he still keeps running at you.
    Me: Double Crap! I turn down the next alley and try to climb up the fire escape. (I criticly fail the climb)
    GM: You fall flat on your back and the two catch up with you. The black guy continuously beats you with the bat and you go into torpor
    Me: Son of a...
    GM: While uncontious you feel yourself being carried someplace

    I was put into the trunk of a caddalac.

    Long story short I escaped and was Kidnapped again at a nightclub by some different people.

    ----

    Different campaign, A few weeks later, Different GM: D&D I was a psion.
    I was unknowingly standing outside of the theive's guild, whadaya know? I was jumped by a huge dude and next thing I know, I'm in a prison....my only responce was (out of character of course)

    "F***!! AGAIN? WHY ME? What about my characters makes them so f***ing kidnappable! Are you two in kahoots? What about it? Answer me!" Saddly, I still know nothing about this and I probably never will.

    --

    Oh, and then there where the group of 5 shocker lizzards that killed 6 level 5 party members. And thus...Shocker Lizard Swarm has become a running gag.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Delcan's Avatar

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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Evil campaign. Two or three orcs, a hobgoblin, my half-orcish druid, and a kobold all making their way back to the shore of a human city, after killing a guy for his skiff.

    There was funny stuff before this, involving corpses and boots up arses and using an intelligence-boosting spell to have a better chance at doing a really stupid thing, but the greatest part of it was when we get back to shore and are greeted by the city guard.

    "So why'd you have to kill that poor fisherman?"
    "What fisherman?"
    "The one whose boat you stole."

    At this point we just sort of pause. And our orc barbarian replies, just before raging:

    "Uhhhhhh... BRAAAAAAAAAARGGGHGH!!!"

    And the night ended with my druid stampeding out of town tossing alchemist's fire from the back of a goat.

    I don't think any description can do that session justice, but that was the most hilarious game I've ever played.
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  12. - Top - End - #12
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    SpiderBrigade's Avatar

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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    "..and then the monkey exploded."
    It's odd, but this is exactly how I finished up my synopsis of the movie adaptation of V for Vendetta.
    "'To know, to do, and to keep silent.' Crowley had the first two down pat."

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Gerrtt's Avatar

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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Honestly, I think the funniest things have happened when I have played a bard. In that situation I was basically allowed to make jokes all the time when nobody else was.

    Mayor: So we need you and your group to go save this group of slaves who are being incarcerated by orcs.
    Me (Human Bard): Are there girls?
    Mayor: Uh, I would imagine there are some.
    Me: We're going...LET'S DO THIS FOR THE SENIORITAS!
    Party Ranger: What do you care....they aren't even the same race as you?
    Me: Helllo.....senioritas...
    Party Ranger (who happens to be female): Strangely, I see your point.
    What I do every time I see someone complain that their DM is a jerk just because some class/race/book/feat/etc. is not allowed at the gaming table.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Quote Originally Posted by The Logic Ninja
    Another time, in Eberron, my fighter kicked the Emperor of Riedra square in the nuts.
    ...bastard still made his concentration check. Damn Quori spirits.
    Epic-level Concentration DC, anyone? :o
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betty
    If your idea of fun is to give the players whatever they want, then I suggest you take out a board game called: CANDY LAND and use that for your gaming sessions.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dervag
    Obviously, you have never known the frustration of being stranded in the Molasses Swamp.
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    Physics is a dame of culture and sophistication. She'll take you in, keep you warm at night, provide all kinds of insight into yourself and the world you never find on your own.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    This one wasn't funny at the time, but it's our favoutrite in-joke now.

    Friend's little bro was DMing, and he tended to fiat. This also included a running BBEG who we hit with a true strike nat 20 confirmed, and "he's out of range." In 6 seconds.

    Anyway, since we were always moving and got a bit too much loot, we put it into making a tank. Cart, horses armored with horseshoes of speed, shields on the sides reinforced, swivel-mounted crossbows... It was after we fought a giant and were talking about gertting a second cart with a siege weapon that he decided the cart had to go. So we get attacked by bandits.

    Smoke bombs flood the cart, not affecting them. We still manage to take out the first six, so six more appear. And more. And more. They finally overpower us and make off with the cart (had the wizard's spellbook too.) We follow, soon find the horses dead and hoofless. Keep following the trail and he says we lose it. Make a great tracking roll and follow them to the desert.

    ...now we weren't far behind them, and they were apparently carrying the cart ON THEIR BACKS. You'd also think the track DC to follow an infinite number of ninjas would be pretty low. Finally, where do an infinite number of bandits hide in the desert? They need quite a few supplies. Finally we just took to asking everyone we met if they'd seen an infinite number of bandits around anywhere.

    So it's been over ten years or so, and we still crack up if anyone mentions an infinite number of bandits.

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    I was playing a halforc fighter wearing spiked full plate in the middle of a busy city when a rogue from a local guild stole my money. I failed to detect the theft, but my sorcerer friend caught him and the rogue hightailed it. I immediately charge through the crowd chasing the guy, pushing and shoviing hapless citizens out of my way, and in doing so are causing countless numbers of wounds to the poor populace as my protruding spikes cut and slash in my full sprint through the streets. When we got to the guild building, there was a man at the entrance who tried to trick me into thinking they had nothing to do with the theif, and that he wasnt inside. I didnt bother to listen to him, and instead took him completely by suprise by bashing him out of my way and knocking him unconcious. Me and the sorcerer then laid waste to the guild headquarters until some higher level members came down and proceded to kick our asses. Luckily the local guards finally caught up with me by that time and probably saved my life, though I did spend some time in jail. Oh well, it was definetly worth it.

  17. - Top - End - #17

    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Quote Originally Posted by Dervag
    Epic-level Concentration DC, anyone? :o
    Well, more like the guy himself was "OH MY DEAR SWEET GODS IT HURTS", and the Quori spirit possessing him was like "puny fleshsack body! *concentrates*"

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Closet_Skeleton's Avatar

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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    I had a d20 modern game once that basically involved the PCs completly screwing up with the optimum weapons.

    They were part of a military unit on an island. The island had a research facility and there was the military unit's purpose was to investigate a supposed virus outbreak. After losing half of the nameless NPCs with M16A2s that made up the bulk of the unit, the party was resting in a bungalow owned by the research facility's investor. The party had already found that their M16s were pretty useless against the mutant monsters on the island. The monsters couldn't regenerate fire damage so the party had been using Thermite Grenades.

    So in the bungalow the party's Smart hero used the kitchen to create improvised incendaries and rolled a natural 20. He then gave the incendaries to the tough hero. Then they managed to find an experimental Railgun. The Railgun however had no power pack so the Smart hero used a vacuum cleaner he'd found in a cupboard to make a mains adapter for the railgun.

    Some way into the night one of the mutants attacked. The party's sniper took the Railgun, used the Dead Aim feat to spend a full round action aiming. Next round he used an action point to boost his attack roll with the Railgun. He missed. The Railgun melted from the energy (it was only experimental) and the mutant was still tearing NPCs apart. The NPCs managed to corner the mutant next to the kitchen.

    Now they didn't have the Railgun, the "Smart" hero threw a Thermite Grenade at the Mutant. The Mutant passed his save, one of the NPCs got burnt to death, and the gas range got hit. The mutant was then torn apart by the super-heated shards of a kitchen work-surface.

    At roughly the same time as they threw the grenade at the mutant, the Tough Hero heard a noise coming from the garage. He went to investigate and saw that a second mutant had torn a whole in the roof and was standing infront of the car stored in the garage. The Tough Hero then rushed over to the car, opened up the bonnet and threw the natural 20 made incendary into the car.

    The Tough hero ended up on 1 hp whilst the mutant was... gone. The Tough hero used second wind to up his HP and then saw that the Smart hero and just blown up the gas range.

    The party left the house VERY quickly.
    "that nighted, penguin-fringed abyss" - At The Mountains of Madness, H.P. Lovecraft

    When a man decides another's future behind his back, it is a conspiracy. When a god does it, it's destiny.


  19. - Top - End - #19
    Halfling in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Quick two character 20th level gestalt bossfight type game, just me and a couple of friends. Takes place in an ancient, Egyptian-style ruin. They just beat the everloving crap out of a group of bandits in the sarcoghagus room.

    (earlier)
    Me: The ruins are dark, all light ceases about twenty feet from the opening.
    Barbarian/Cleric: That's ok. I'll cast Light on by caber.

    (Yes, a caber. A Large, platinum, mercury filled caber. Its damage was 2d10. It was a monster. The paladin/fighter had a fullblade, also Large and filled with mercury. so he wasn't any better, really)

    (post-bandit fight)
    Me: Alrighty, so the last bandit goes down. From where you're standing you notice a large opening that looks like it was carved out of the wall by some large creature. There's claw marks and scrapings on the walls, ceiling and floor, and you also notice that the tunnel behind it looks roughly excavated.
    Barbarian/Cleric: I'll throw the thing I cast Light on down the tunnel.
    Paladin/Fighter: Ummm, that was your caber.
    Barbarian/Cleric: Oh, right. *dramatic gesture with one hand* Come back to me!
    Paladin/Fighter: Uh, you don't have that ability on your caber.
    Barbarian/Cleric: Oh, right.
    Winnar of the Friend or Foe Design Contest (entry), Best Overall, Best Fitting ToB Setting, Staff Choice and Rookie. w00t!

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Skyserpent's Avatar

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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Okay, a relatively new DM was playing a premade adventure and was reading off the entry... basically it went like this...

    DM: The tunnel ends with a deep pit. Down below you can hear lizardfolk moving equipment and speaking in their native tongue...

    Sorcerer: Hm... I don't think we should go down there...

    Fighter: Agreed.

    Rogue: Yeah

    Druid: okay, we leave and go back to town

    Sorcerer: So, now what?

    DM:... you guys suck.
    Member of a fanclub.

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    a while ago one of our players got a ring of wishing for 50 gold but what he didnt know was that it had a twist...

    Pc. i wish i had a redworm dragon as a pet

    Dm. ok so a redwormdragon dragon appears out of nowhere and blasts you with fire

    some how the player survived but it was funny he wished for 4 more wishes and lost his limbs for the wishes

    another funny one was once in d20 modern where the same player that in D&D had the ring wanted to have lazer discs and im like how the hell will you hold them or r u just talking about cd's
    the end is near hide from the gnomes&&&&and no im not a gnome fanatic... or am I bwahahahaha&&

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Argent's Avatar

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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    Quote Originally Posted by Artisan
    "You walk away, there's a pile of rubble slowly burning behind you..."
    "When isn't there?"
    *applause* This has got to be the most quotable thing I've ever read.
    Thanks to Doihaveaname? for the custom avatar!

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    In a 2nd Ed campaign I was playing my 1st (and last) bard. I had the "Gallant" kit, which meant I was the poetic defender of love, and beauty, and puppies (or whatever) and got a bunch of special bonuses when fighting for these ideals.

    Anyway, so I was supposed to participate in this jousting contest on behalf of some local lord. But I wasn't exactly well-equipped. My armor was wooden (but painted to be extra shiny), my "horse" was actually a particularly well-mannered mule, and my lance was hollowed out because there was no way I could even lift it otherwise!

    Despite being horribly overmatched by the other combatants (all fighters, most of which were at least a level higher than me and they had useable equipment), My bard prepared and started the competition with a song on his lips (literally). He got trounced, to say the least. And his attempt at a lance was shattered in the third match (I didn't hit anything until then).

    Of course, the noblewomen in the stands loved me and kept rooting me on (which actually started giving me the equivalent of morale bonuses to everything - which is how I actually managed to hit something to shatter my lance).

    Not long after my lance shattered, though, gnolls attacked the village...and went straight for the noblewomen. So, still mounted on my trusty mule steed, I managed to uproot a sapling and charged one of the gnolls, jousting-style. Well, I manged to score a hit on the gnoll, actually impaling it on the sapling but managing to knock myself prone and unconscious at the same time. I slept through the rest of the combat. My donkey, of course, ran off.

    Thus endeth the career of my bard. :)

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  25. - Top - End - #25
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    I remembered another one of my group's classics.

    A low level party of morally ambiguous adventurers gets hired by a local NPC thief to provide a distraction for said thief's criminal activities. This thief badly wants a certain item that is owned by the head of a local gang of half orc street toughs that hang out in a local inn. He reasons that if the party picks a fight out front he can nip in a back window and rummage through the valuables while everyone is busy brawling.

    At the appointed time, the party wanders down the street in front of the inn and picks the fight. The party is having more trouble than anticipated because apparently this gang included a spell caster or two that the thief had neglected to mention to them. The party monk keeps trying to get to the opponents backline to shut down the casters but the backline keeps retreating on him. So the casters retreat inside the inn and the monk follows. Then the party follows because the monk discovered that there were a lot more half orcs in the inn and yelled for help. So now the fight has moved indoors. Then the enemy casters retreat up the stairs to the second floor of the inn. The monk follows, and again discovers more enemies so again the rest of the party follows to bail him out.

    So here's the party, on the second floor of the inn, involved in a huge melee and fighting for their lives, when of course a window open and the thief crawls in. He freezes, looks around at the utter chaos, and crawls right back out the window.

    After successfully slaughtering the entire gang the party goes to find the thief and tell him it's clear to poke around the inn now. Much to their surprise he's apoplectic with rage and practically foaming at the mouth because his plan has been ruined and the mass street fight means that the building is now swarming with city guards. He took one look at the party and burst out with his immortal quote "I asked for a distraction!! What in the name of Pelor would you have done if I'd asked for a frontal assault!?!?!?!" The party stood silent for a moment absorbing this, and then the bard recoverd his wits and replied glibly, "Gone around back and rattled some trash cans."




  26. - Top - End - #26
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Were-Sandwich's Avatar

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    May 2006
    Location
    England

    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    In a group I once played in, well, still am playing in, we had this monk who absolutely definetly actaully rolled those 4 18's a 17 and two 15's......

    Anyway we were hired to clear out this crocodile infestation on some farm or other, and we were in melee with them. Teh L337 Uber Monk says 'Don't worry, I'll handle them!'

    He rolls two attacks for his unarmed strikes. They come up 1, and 2.

    Me: "Thats it give them the old 1-2!"
    [hr]

    Same group, different campaign, me DMing. Characters walk into temple to get healed. The cleric was being played by someone who didn't always think things through before saying them. Anyway, the fighters ask for healing, and other stuff. The players weren't used to Rping trips to the temple, so this was a bit of a curveball.

    1:"We need healing!"

    Priest:"I'm afraid Pelor's will demands a donation to the temple if healing is to be dispensed"

    Cleric: "I AM PELOR!"*


    Priest: "How dare you inpersonate The Almighty Eternal Sun! Get out of this temple, now!"


    *Meaning "I'm a follower of Pelor"

    They then had to RP apologising to the priest. 'Teh L337 uber fighter/sorceror!!!1111' played by the monk player from above, then casts touch of idiocy on the priest because he is teh Uber and can't be hurt by 'teh clericxorz'. The priest, now very annoyed shouts:

    "YOU WILL LEAVE THIS TEMPLE NOW!!!!"


    Then all the paladins I had mentioned to the PC's as they entered took an interest, and the fighter/sorceror ended up needing 5,00gp of diamonds.....

    Trust me, it was funny at the time.
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  27. - Top - End - #27
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Galathir's Avatar

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    Feb 2006
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    Brinkley Court
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    A goliath monk in my campaign was shopping for some healing potions. The gnome magic shop dealer was trying to drive a hard bargin, charging 400gp for a potion of cure moderate wounds. The monk tries to go for 300, but the gnome turns him down. Then the monk goes:

    "How about three hundred seventy-five thousand"

    The gnome looks shocked for a moment and then grins. "Deal!".

    After we stop laughing, the monk manages to convince the gnome that he make a mistake and get them for a reasonable price.
    Currently Running
    The Gavisoria Games: IC | OOC
    The Obsidian Guild: IC | OOC

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Jarl's Avatar

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    Feb 2006
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    Somewhere far, far away...
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    DM: OK, so you go to bed with the elf you met at the bar.
    Mage: I assume that I will be healed by this escapade?
    DM: Yeah, yeah, healing occurs.
    Mage: When I get that feeling...
    DM: *starts rolling percentile dice*
    Mage: I need sexual healing...
    DM: Roll a percentile.
    Mage: Okidoki. *rolls*
    DM: Again.
    Mage: *rolls again*
    DM: One more time.
    Mage: *rolls again*
    DM: OK. The elf is acutally a man. And he's pregnant. And he'll give birth in the morning, in bed with you. It'll probably wake you up.

    Silly game. "Roll a system shock to see if you think the Paladin is God."


    -That reminds me, if a chaotic neutral male elf rogue seduces a lawful good paladin (I know, redundant), male human, who's in a commited relationship with a woman who just died, is that a good, evil, or neutral act? Come to think of it, would the elf get XP for that?

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Closer than you want.

    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    This happened to my rectum-corkless paladin.

    I am interogating a prisoner by throwing a grappling hook at his balls. I hit. the DM says he is starting to go woozy and pass out, so I do a good dose of Lay on Hands. Before I can continue with the interogation one of the party says: "So you just grabbed his nuts?"

    I have yet to live this down.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
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    Default Re: tell your funny D&D stories here

    I've got a ton that i posted more than a year ago, and to avoid repeating myself there's a bunch under a search for my name. However, here's a personal favorite.

    Balthas Giggleberry (1/2 orc bard/fighter) is a favorite in my homebrew campaign, where Balthas' player is the best roleplayer in the bunch. They reach a town where they suspect a slave trade ring is centered, so Balthas decides to meet the king and discuss this fact.

    Of course, Balthas is stopped by the two guards at the front gate. They question him a little before he ditches the subtle approach and he clobbers them. He steals their uniforms and marches through the gates, bluffing past several more guards. Once inside the main grounds, Balthas' player tells me this.

    "Well, i'm in far enough. I take off my disguise, only to realize i'm wearing nothing underneath it but my war hammer... then i shrug and walk on anyway."

    Balthas encounters one more pair of guards, each baffled to see the armed, naked half-orc. He begins to demand to see their king, intentionally thrusting and posing all the while. When this doesn't convince them, he tries to attack them as well.

    A guard roll very well with his axe, so i rule that Balthas is... a little less manly very quickly. Balthas stops attacking and stares at his injury.

    ".....Balthas Giggleberry is not a man to retreat, but the situation demands it!!" He grabs his missing piece and runs out of the castle.

    Balthas: "I haul ass to the nearest temple, shove my bloody **** in their face, and yell 'HELP MEEEEEE!"
    Me: "The priest vomits and two priestesses faint."

    Eventually, a priest calms him down, gets him some clothes, and insists they can reattach it. Of course, i couldn't resist making a priest snicker and add "It's a touch spell..."

    Balthas: "Sooooo... should I cough or something?"
    Priest: "Shut up, you're not helping."
    Not wanting to gaze upon the naked flesh of a beautiful woman would be an insult to them!-Eichiro Oda

    He canít regenerate a broken heart, Dave

    When GM demands to know what my character is doing, it better not be "The Charleston"

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