Real Roleplayers of Genius

[Choco]

A spinoff of the Habits that kill fun in a session thread, where we imitate the Real Men of Genius beer commercials.

Like so:

Mr. Really bad Improv DM

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Really Bad Improv Dungeon Master
Mr. Really Bad Improv Dungeon Maaaaster!

Like a four star General, you plan the defense of your evil warlord with various traps, planned choke point, and assaults by your overwhelming minions. What you didn't plan on, was the players rolling a Natural 20.
5% chances seemed so unlikely!!!!

But don't worry, you have a plan B. This carefully laid back up plan, is the one where you place your self in a near catatonic state, rolling away on the various encounter and treasure charts, while you're players get tired of just facing a bunch of random encounters, with room after unfurnished, boring rooms
Oh noooooo!

Your final bit of brilliance? throw the left over, low level minions at the adventurers, in a suicidal frontal assault, in a weak revenge attempt for the PCs derailing your plans.
"They were taking up space in my note book!

So power up the video game console and TV, O master of improv, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because at least First person Shooters and Tv show Re-runs may distract your friends long enough, for you to go cry about how they ruined your plans, in your room.
Mr. Really bad at Improv Dungeon Master!

Mr. Chaotic "Neutral" Guy

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Chaotic "Neutral" PC.
Mr. Chaotic Neutral Player Characteeeeer!

In a party filled with do-gooders and law-abiders, you're the albatross who forcefully hangs yourself around their necks. You constantly turn the most innocent of situations into a stroll through the ninth level of the Abyss.
Watch out for the demons!

Who cares that the PHB says that you try to avoid the law, authority figures and generally causing trouble for trouble's sake, because while the party discusses their next quest with the king, you're busy thinking of ways to kill the king just for laughs.
Stop metagaming and detecting my alignmeeeeeeeent!

Your crowning moment was the moment after you'd caused an entire town of innocent people to burn, when your paladin "buddy" tried to smite you and for good reason. You unloaded your chaotic spellcaster's abilities to make him fall, ruining that player's fun while claiming that the smite didn't work because your alignment is still Neutral.
My actions just have an evil side!

So here's to you, O master of hiding your real alignment, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because without you, Chaotic Neutral might actually be a fun alignment to play.
Mr. Chaotic Evil "Neutral" Guuuuuy!

Mr. Senior Newbie

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Senior Newbie
Mr. Senior Neeeeeewbie!

Like all of us at one point, you were the new guy in the group, the fresh face, the first-timer, still learning the ropes in an unfamiliar environment. You were forgiven for not knowing the rules and not even knowing how to play your character.
How I mine for fish????

But now you have 5 years of experience under your belt, one of the most senior members still left in the group, you are the experienced player that newbies look to for help. But 5 years of vegetating at the table have taken their toll, because despite your experience you have not gained a single shred of game knowledge in that time.
What do I roll to attaaaaaack????

Your best moments are when you claim you have a life and are too busy to waste time reading D&D books all day. You are so busy with your life that you do not even have the time for paying attention during the game to aid in figuring out the Fighter you have been playing every week for 5 years.
Some of us have lives outside of D&D!

So here's to you, O master of blocking new knowledge, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because you make the married-with-kids guy working 2 jobs and effectively playing a caster despite only being introduced to D&D 1 year ago look even more awesome.
Mr. Senior Neeeeewbie!

Feel free to transform anything in the Habits that kill fun in a session thread into the commercial version here. I lack the talent/creativity to do so myself and make it funny, so I'll leave the comedy to the pros.

[Sipex]

Mr. Always Forgets his Stuff

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Always Forgets his Stuff
Mr. Always Forgets his Stuuuuuuuuff!

Why break your back carrying your own copies of the players handbook when you can just borrow someone elses? It's not like they need to use it every minute of the game anyways. As long as no-one else forgets their copy you're gold!
Just five more minutes, I swear!

Same goes for dice. Why risk losing your animal bone or pewter dice when the DM has eight sets? It's not like your dice need to match and the other players won't mind if you lose random dice from each of their sets, right?
What do you mean I had your silver D20 laaaaast????

Of course, bringing your character sheet is far out of the question. Why remember to bring your stats when your DM can print you out a new one? These things have to get updated all the time anyways so it pays to be on top of your game!
I swear, I put it in my baaaaag!

So here's to you, O master of borrowing our things, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because nobody is even sure if you have your own supplies since we've never seen you bring a single die during the five years we've played.
Mr. Always Forgets his Stuuuuuff!

[zorba1994]

Mr. My Dice Must Be Perfect

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. My Dice Must Be Perfect
Mr. My Dice Must Be Peeeeerfect!

You and you alone know that the only way that you are going to deal max damage on your sneak attack dice is if you first successfully sift through all the other players' dice to find the 3 d6s that have the same fonts on them.
What, do you want us to looooooose?

Searching left and right through the piles of dice at the board, you will hold up the game for minutes on end if you can't find that d20 with the star next to the 20, because what would you be without your magic lucky die?
I got three 20s ooooonce!

Nothing will stop you and your voracious hunger to find the perfect polyhedrons to pound your enemies with. Not the other players, not the Dungeon Master, and certainly not your 8 year-old younger brother who is playing for the first time today.
I don't care if you found it fiiiiiiiirst!

So here's to you, O delver of dice, picker of polyhedrons, grabber of game implements, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because if the party wipes and you didn't get a critical in that encounter, its clearly the rogue's fault for not letting you have the silver d20.
Mr. My Dice Must Be Peeeerfect!

Mr. I Want To Have A Pet Dragon

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. I Want To Have A Pet Dragon
Mr. I Want To Have A Pet Draaaaaagon!

The second that you saw the cover art for the player's handbook, you knew one thing and one thing only: That you simply MUST have a dragon.
Victory is with the Taaaaalons

It doesn't matter what the LA is, it doesn't matter if it fits your class. Hell, it doesn't even matter if you're playing a no-magic d20 Modern campaign. There is nothing that will get between you and a giant flying reptile.
Together we will touch the skyyyyyyyyy!

Every time you see one of these regal reptiles, your response shall be simple; your mantra pure. It shall be your pet. Even if its 20 levels above you.
Ancient Wyrm I choose yoooooooou

So here's to you, O nagger of naysayers, connoisseur of class choices, and crack yourself open an ice cold Cure Light, because if anyone needs it after that last encounter, its you and your 7 invoked talon attacks of opportunity.
Mr. I Want To Have A Pet Dragon!

Mr. Too Long Didn't Read

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Too Long Didn't Read
Mr. Too Long Didn't Reeeeeeead

The fear of heavy roleplayers everywhere, you alone keep the manliness in the d20 game. With your devoted avoidance of flavor text, diplomacy, or really any conversation not involving dice rolls, only you keep the game rolling on.
What did this paragraph saaaaaaay?

You don't care that you officially signed up for a palace court diplomatic intrigue game without a grid: You just know that now its time for the d20s. Regardless of furious posts from the DM and other players, you know that only through your greatsword does the game continue.
I kiiiiiiiill the palace guaaaaaard!

You will dash forth unwavering into danger. When the Dungeon Master describes the gruesome corpses left behind by the traps in the room ahead of you, you- well, you didn't even listen to the description: You just pushed your miniature forward and said "I do that".
I'm going to pull the leveeeeeer!

So here's to you, O Idol of Illiterates, Wrecker of Roleplayers- You probably didn't even read this whole thing. Tl;dr: crack yourself open an ice cold Cure Light, just trust that there's a reason.
Mr. Too Long Didn't Reeeeead!

[Ezeze]

Mr Homicidal DM

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr Homicidal DM
Mr Homicidal Deee-eemmm!

You can't hold a steady job, your girlfriend just broke up with you, and you still live in your parent's house, but that's okay because tonight your so-called "friends" are coming over and you get to use them as your personal punching bag.
At least you have control somewheeerrree!

You whip out the biggest, baddest monsters you have and relentlessly assault your players, beating them down until they are forced to flee. Then you mock them, because after all, they should be able to beat these things.
You guys need to learn how to plllayyyyy

Let them rest? Hah! No where is safe! No inn is without homicidal maniacs, no camp free of cleverly hidden assassin vines. So what if the casters need sleep to be of any use at all? They aren't getting it!
No spells for yoouuuu!

So here's to you, memorizer of monster manuals, king of total party kills, overlord of optimization. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr Homicidal DM. Because if your friends will still agree to hang out with you, your games aren't hard enough.
Mr Homicidal Deee-eemmm!

[Razgriez]

Oh dear... It seems I have started a trend...

........


.........*cackles like an evil genius on a power trip*

Go my imaginative minions, write up more Real Roleplayers of Genius! Do it for the great cause of keeping me amused

[Bobby Archer]

Mr. Out-of-Character Conversationalist

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Out-of-Character Conversationalist.
Mr. Out-of-Character Conversationalist!!

Whenever a game gets rolling, you're there to stop it cold, with jokes, callbacks, and stories from your outside life.
You'll never believe what happened at work todaaay!

Disinterest? Nasty looks? Other players trying to talk over you? None of these are a match for your Save vs actually playing the game.
Hey! Remember that other tiiiiiime..!

And when combat actually starts? You're there too, spending twenty minutes discussing the party's strategy.
Talking's a free aaaaactioooon!

So here's to you, O Chatterbox Chancellor, Momentum Mutilator, Impresario of Immersion Immunity. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr Out-of-Character Conversationalist. Because without you, this one-shot game would have ended years ago.
Mr. Out-of-Character Conversaaaaaaaationalist!!

[The-Mage-King]

YOU JERKS!

I was eating ice cream when I read these!

Do you know how painful it is for that to go out your nostrils?


[/statement of how funny this is]

Good work!

[Codenpeg]

Someone do one about the house cat. I'd do one myself but my brain is failing on me.

[gdiddy]

Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaan!

It's accepted by the people that you game with that every sheet that passes between your cheetos-stained stubby-sausage fingers has "F" under gender and "hot" in the description box. You spend every session getting your character naked, seducing party members, and arguing with the GM that the fade to black is Puritan.
"I roll to seduuuuuce!"

Nothing will stop you from your special snowflake, though the tasteless rape backstory is optional. The fact that you're corpulently obese and smell like something fried doesn't stop you from wanting to be fan service in the imaginations of your gaming friends.
"This is ironic because I'm a feminiiiiist!!"

You don't always get along with other players, like the time an actual woman showed up and wanted to play her own gender. You showed her though, she isn't coming back. You were upset when the DM invented his "Your character must have smaller breasts than you"-rule-...that meant you were limited to DDs.
"You're stifling my roleplaaaaaay!"

So keep making people feel really awkward by describing how your character bends over, o master of gender relations, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because even though you never stop describing the genitalia of Elara Moonbeam, nudomancer, it's not like you've seen anything resembling it in real life.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

[onthetown]

Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaan!

It's accepted by the people that you game with that every sheet that passes between your cheetos-stained stubby-sausage fingers has "F" under gender and "hot" in the description box. You spend every session getting your character naked, seducing party members, and arguing with the GM that the fade to black is Puritan.
"I roll to seduuuuuce!"

Nothing will stop you from your special snowflake, though the tasteless rape backstory is optional. The fact that you're corpulently obese and smell like something fried doesn't stop you from wanting to be fan service in the imaginations of your gaming friends.
"This is ironic because I'm a feminiiiiist!!"

You don't always get along with other players, like the time an actual woman showed up and wanted to play her own gender. You showed her though, she isn't coming back. You were upset when the DM invented his "Your character must have smaller breasts than you"-rule-...that meant you were limited to DDs.
"You're stifling my roleplaaaaaay!"

So keep making people feel really awkward by describing how your character bends over, o master of gender relations, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because even though you never stop describing the genitalia of Elara Moonbeam, nudomancer, it's not like you've seen anything resembling it in real life.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

We need to have a like button.

[dsmiles]

These are awesome. God bless Vicodin!

Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapacitated

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapacitated.
Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapacitated!

It's accepted by the people that you game with that everyone at the table is old enough to drink. It's even accepted that you drink more than anyone else.
Pass me another beeeeeeer!

Nothing can stop you from drinking yourself under the table, though your friends dislike drunk players. The fact that you're constantly making drunken in-character decisions, that inevitably lead to TPKs, means nothing to you.
What do mean I *hic* failed my saaaaaaaaave?

You don't always drink yourself under the table, but the bad decisions keep coming as long as you've had that first beer. In an all-good party, your neutral good rogue constantly wants to kill the prosoners, as long as you've had that first beer.
I'm a rogue, I can dooooooooo that!

So keep pissing off the other players with those TPK inducing decisions, o master of the bottle. Nobody will miss you when you pass out anyways. So grab yourself an ice cold forty of Cure Light, because even when you're lying on the floor, you still try to take your actions. Literally.
Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapaaaaaaaacitaaaaaaaated!

[TroubleBrewing]

Mr. Party Thief Kender Guy

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeniuuuss...

Today, we salute you, Mr. Party Thief Kender Guy.
Mr. Party Thief Kender Guy!

It is obvious even through a cursory glance at your character sheet that you intend to steal everything the party owns.
I'm Chaotic Neutraaaal!

You are the first to volunteer for first watch, you constantly 'secretly' text the DM, and your first response to any accusation of theft is "I make a Hide check!"
Oh sure, blame the kender!

Any party member who relies on equipment is bound to get totally ruined by your 'hilarious antics', but you annoy even the party Druid.
I pick that guy's pocket!

So keep pissing the party off, o 'master' of sleight of hand, and grab yourself a refreshing Cure Light. Because after the Paladin caves your skull in, you're going to need it.
Mr. Party Thief Kender Guuuuuuuyyyyyyy!

[Lonely Tylenol]

Mr. "Aggressively Metagames Everything" Guy

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Aggressively Metagames Everything Guy
Mr. Aggressively Metagames Everything Guy!

Like a bat out of Hell, you fly recklessly through the dungeon's many rooms and hallways, until you roll a natural 1 on your untrained Spot check--at which point you begin searching for anything suspicious with single-minded obsession.
I have a hunch, guys!

Never mind that the band of orcs were able to sneak up on you because you failed your passive Spot, because you, Mr. Aggressively Metagames Everything Guy, are never caught unprepared--even if it takes a judicious application of rules lawyering and out-of-character knowledge to do so.
But I had Mordenkainen's Faithful Watchdog cast!

Don't let the fact that you're a Barbarian with no ranks in Knowledge (Religion) stop you from running to the back the moment that Wight shows up, because even though you're a lion in the face of undead, you turn into a mewing kitten at the thought of their negative level attack.
It's in the monster manuaaaaaal!

So sit back with your light crossbow, rebuffer of roleplay, overlooker of objectivity, and grab yourself a Cure Light; because when the DM throws every book at the table at you, you're going to need it.
Mr. Aggressively Metagames Everything Guyyyyyy!

[TheCountAlucard]

Mr. "Aggressively Metagames Everything" Guy

Grargh, at least don't tell the others what it is.

Pretty funny stuff, guys.

[Grongore]

Mr. Team killing archer

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Team killing archer.
Mr. Team killing archer!

You may have the dexterity and feats to get a good roll, but it always seems to be directed at the party member in front of you.
He's on your side...

anything the dm throws is minimal, when the guy who downs the fighter was your own party member.
I need a cleric...

So keep your swords drawn, master of the backstabbing and grab yourself a Cure light. Because when the fighter gets healed, you're gonna need it.

Mr. Team killing archer...

[Skaven]

Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man.

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man!

Everything is knights, castles and black and white to you, Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man! Lawful stupid is the alignment you are of, a fan!
He hasn't read a single modern fantasy novel.

Wizards are old men, fighters are knights. Elves come from woods and Dwarves are grumpy and like fights! Ignore the whole background section on every other species if it didn't appear in LotR or an adaptation of King Arthur. Loudly complain if another player wishes to play something that didn't appear in the mainstream idea of tolkein. Orcs, Kobolds and Lizardmen are always evil and live in 10x10 rooms guarding treasure chests. They're not something you play!
"He can't play thaaaaat. They're supposed to be out in the wild waiting to attack humans!"


He doesn't think about a more logical fantasy setting or non-human characters! Nothing else thinks, they're there for xp! Morals are black and whiiiite. If he does wrong, its ok to kill because he's in the right.
"I'm gonna play a Paladiiiin. He's a Knight."

The party fighter slapped the barmaids rear and made a lude remark? I draw my sword and kill him for this! My paladin fell?
"You're stifling my roleplaaaaaay!"

So here's to you for blocking depth of creative thought and grab yourself a cure light, Stuck in the 50's fantasy man because your efforts make it all worth it to see a world setting truly evolve for a basis of comparison for how far we've come in creative collaborative fiction.
Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy maaaaan!

[FelixG]

We need to have a like button.

FelixG and 1 more liked this

[Notreallyhere77]

Mr Never-shows-up-on-time guy.

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Giants in the Playgrounds forums presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius
Reeeal roleplayers of geeeniuuus!

Today, we salute you, Mr. Never-shows-up-on-time guy.
Mr. Never-shows-up-on-tiiime guy.

They say a wizard is never late, nor early, but arrives when he's needed. But you're playing a rogue.
Hooope I didn't miss much!

No matter when the game starts, you won't show up until two turns into the second combat, at the earliest.
Wheeere did that dragon come from?

Other people use watches or cell phones or alarm clocks, but you don't need any of those things to tell you when to leave the house. You just trust yourself to wake up on time.
I sleeept through my sundial.

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O Enemy of Expeditiousness, you've earned it. And by the time you're done drinking it, you'll already be late. Again.
Mr. Neever-shows-up-on-tiiiiime guy!

Mr. Spotlight-stealing Munchkin

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GitP forums presents: Real roleplayers of genius.
Reeal roleplayers of geeeniuus!

Today we salute you, Mr. Spotlight-stealing munchkin.
Mr Spotlight-steealing Muuunchkin!

Whether the game is a bunch of dungeon crawls, or a political intrigue, you will make a build to win, even at the expense of other players' fun.
It's not my fault you don't optimize!

You are always a killing machine. If combat lasts beyond your first turn, it's because you spent it charging up.
That's my thiiird tarrasque today!

You know you're the star of the story, and you're the storyteller. The other PCs are just there in case you get bored and want to kill something.
I neeeded the xp.

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O derailer of plot development. You've earned it. And then sell it, because everyone knows you'll never take enough damage to need it.
Mr. Spotlight-steealing Muuuunchkin!

[RaggedAngel]

Mr. Optimized Druid Man:

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Optimized Druid Man
Mr. Optimized Druid Maaaaaaaaaaaan!

Why not fill every party role better than the other players? Who cares that you hit harder and more often than the fighter, control the field better than the wizard, and make the rogue seem tongue-tied? Why not do it as a bear?
My animal companion's also a bear!!

Just because you're playing the best class with internet-powered optimization doesn't mean the other players should complain. In the end, it was their fault for choosing a class other than druid.
I'm a full caster with class featuuuuuuuures!!

You know that a game can only be enjoyed when, while summoning an army of bears, in the form of a bear, your bear animal companion is himself summoning bears.
I'm wearing bearskin armor with a wilding claaaaaasp!!

So here's to you, O master of brokenness, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because when the other players have all started a new game, you're still taking on CR-appropriate encounters solo.
Mr. Optimized Druid Maaaaaaaaaaaan!!

To be fair, you can be like this with any base class. Druids just amuse me the most.

[DontEatRawHagis]

Mr. High-CHA-PC-having player

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr High-CHA-PC-having player
Mr High-CHA-PeeeCeeee-having pllaaayerrrrr!

You have all the answers and no one else can say it. It doesn't matter if the other player is the team leader or diplomat because you have a 20 in Charisma. They could be talking to there mom and you would just-
Keep buttttiiiing innn!

There are some points when you don't even try to make sense and just spout out nonsense. Hoping that that those modifiers keep stacking. You took high crit for bluff for a reason, so you could say you are part of the "Bikini Inspector Squad"
That doesn't make seennnsssse!

Let them talk? No. This is a job for your mighty lungs. It doesn't even matter to you that you repeat...
Exactly what they saaaaayy!

Everyone knows that even though its the same, a +5 Charisma Modifier makes everything sound better. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr High-CHA-PC-having player. Because talking to imaginary characters is easier than talking to real ones.
Mr Mr High-CHA-PeeeCeeee-having pllaaayerrrrr!

[/QUOTE]

Dedicated to a player in my Spycraft Campaign who we literally had to message everytime we wanted to do something.

Want to enter that building? Well tell G that he has to bluff the guards to let you in.

[Chess435]

FelixG and 2 more liked this

Fixed that for you.

[Notreallyhere77]

Mr Can't stop making dirty jokes guy.

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!
Today we Salute You, Mr Can't stop making dirty jokes guy.
Mr. Can't stop making dirty jooookes guy!

No one at the table minds one or two dirty jokes. So why should anyone mind when you tell one hundred and eighty?
There was a guuuy from Nantucket...

You're always ready to turn any character name or fantastic location into a naughty pun. And no word is too foul to use.
Thaaat's what shee said!

It doesn't matter that none of the other players can bring a guest, or that they get uncomfortable, only that you keep yourself entertained.
A dirty miiind is a joy forever!

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O schiller of filth, you've earned it. Just don't tell us that joke agian.
Mr. Can't stop making dirty jooookes guy!

[Razgriez]

Mr Never-shows-up-on-time guy.

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Giants in the Playgrounds forums presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius
Reeeal roleplayers of geeeniuuus!

Today, we salute you, Mr. Never-shows-up-on-time guy.
Mr. Never-shows-up-on-tiiime guy.

They say a wizard is never late, nor early, but arrives when he's needed. But you're playing a rogue.
Hooope I didn't miss much!

No matter when the game starts, you won't show up until two turns into the second combat, at the earliest.
Wheeere did that dragon come from?

Other people use watches or cell phones or alarm clocks, but you don't need any of those things to tell you when to leave the house. You just trust yourself to wake up on time.
I sleeept through my sundial.

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O Enemy of Expeditiousness, you've earned it. And by the time you're done drinking it, you'll already be late. Again.
Mr. Neever-shows-up-on-tiiiiime guy!

I'm Guilty as charged for this, on at least several games.

*grabs a Cure Light*

That said, it is indeed for the same reason, and that is due to work.

Plus the drive home, where I drive as legally fast as I can while trying to avoid idiot drivers.

[Lord Raziere]

Mr. High-CHA-PC-having player

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr High-CHA-PC-having player
Mr High-CHA-PeeeCeeee-having pllaaayerrrrr!

You have all the answers and no one else can say it. It doesn't matter if the other player is the team leader or diplomat because you have a 20 in Charisma. They could be talking to there mom and you would just-
Keep buttttiiiing innn!

There are some points when you don't even try to make sense and just spout out nonsense. Hoping that that those modifiers keep stacking. You took high crit for bluff for a reason, so you could say you are part of the "Bikini Inspector Squad"
That doesn't make seennnsssse!

Let them talk? No. This is a job for your mighty lungs. It doesn't even matter to you that you repeat...
Exactly what they saaaaayy!

Everyone knows that even though its the same, a +5 Charisma Modifier makes everything sound better. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr High-CHA-PC-having player. Because talking to imaginary characters is easier than talking to real ones.
Mr Mr High-CHA-PeeeCeeee-having pllaaayerrrrr!

.

*grabs cure light* more than once did I solve a sticky situation by singing and putting my faith into my CHA stat.

[BlackestOfMages]

*grabs cure light* more than once did I solve a sticky situation by singing and putting my faith into my CHA stat.

that's more a hit who never let anyone else talk to anyone, as they have the highest Cha - which gets pretty boring when your demoted to combat person, or having to face a whinefest.

Not someone who makes use of their stats

[Choco]

Mr Can't stop making dirty jokes guy.

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!
Today we Salute You, Mr Can't stop making dirty jokes guy.
Mr. Can't stop making dirty jooookes guy!

No one at the table minds one or two dirty jokes. So why should anyone mind when you tell one hundred and eighty?
There was a guuuy from Nantucket...

You're always ready to turn any character name or fantastic location into a naughty pun. And no word is too foul to use.
Thaaat's what shee said!

It doesn't matter that none of the other players can bring a guest, or that they get uncomfortable, only that you keep yourself entertained.
A dirty miiind is a joy forever!

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O schiller of filth, you've earned it. Just don't tell us that joke agian.
Mr. Can't stop making dirty jooookes guy!

*Grabs a Cure Light*
I'll admit to this one...

[Notreallyhere77]

I'm Guilty as charged for this, on at least several games.

*grabs a Cure Light*

That said, it is indeed for the same reason, and that is due to work.

Plus the drive home, where I drive as legally fast as I can while trying to avoid idiot drivers.

I thought of putting a reference to a job in, but it's a legitimate excuse, not to be mocked, but pitied.

[Sipex]

To be totally fair, if we put enough of these things up eventually we'll all fit into at least one.

And that's fine, if you find me the 100% perfect player that NOBODY could complain about then I'll at a deep fried hat. These things only get bad when you're occupying several of them at one time or if you're particularily bad in one area.

[Razgriez]

Mr. Elite Critic Player As per my post in the "Habits that kill fun in a session" thread.
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...0#post11057360

Partially inspired by "Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy" from Budweiser "Real Men of Genius"

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Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss.

Today, we salute you, Mr. Elite Critic Player.
"Mr. Elite Critic Playeeeeer!

They say that a good 4 member party, is a Fighter, Thief, Cleric, and a Mage. You however, view it as you're self, and 3 others who you swear, you can play better than they can.
"Some people just don't know how to plaaaay!"

Some go into battle armed with a great sword, some with a mace and shield, and others with a magical staff and a book of spells. You wade into battle, with 5+ source books, some of which players at the table have never heard of, and a laptop opened with 3 tabbed websites, and a mathematical calculations that proves you're superior to everyone else.
"Not my fault you didn't buy that book!"

Sure, a player may be doing a theme build, but clearly you know better than them, and tell them how their character theme is stupid. The only theme for you, is one done strictly by Numbers and being better than anything else.
"Arithmetician isn't even a campaign job class!!!"

"You Should've cast that!" "Why didn't you learn this feat?" "You suck, I can play better than you!". Not just insults, you claim to a DM whose confronting you over complaints they received from the players, but in truth, tools to inspire a team, who despite their best efforts, will never reach the level of Elite that you are on.
"It's simply reverse psychology!!!!"

So here's to you, The Elite master of character builds, and grab your self a Cure Light, you'll need it, especially after the party healer refuses to cure you in battle, since he's just not quite as awesome as you.
Mr. Elite Critic Player Guuuuuuy!"

[Viszla]

Mr. Elite Critic Player As per my post in the "Habits that kill fun in a session" thread.
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...0#post11057360

Partially inspired by "Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy" from Budweiser "Real Men of Genius"

Spoiler

Show

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss.

Today, we salute you, Mr. Elite Critic Player.
"Mr. Elite Critic Playeeeeer!

They say that a good 4 member party, is a Fighter, Thief, Cleric, and a Mage. You however, view it as you're self, and 3 others who you swear, you can play better than they can.
"Some people just don't know how to plaaaay!"

Some go into battle armed with a great sword, some with a mace and shield, and others with a magical staff and a book of spells. You wade into battle, with 5+ source books, some of which players at the table have never heard of, and a laptop opened with 3 tabbed websites, and a mathematical calculations that proves you're superior to everyone else.
"Not my fault you didn't buy that book!"

Sure, a player may be doing a theme build, by clearly you know better than them, and tell them how their character theme is stupid. The only theme for you, is one done strictly by Numbers and being better than anything else.
"Arithmetician isn't a campaign job class!!!"

"You Should've cast that!" "Why didn't you learn this feat?" "You suck, I can play better than you!". Not just insults, you claim to a DM whose confronting you over complaints they received from the players, but in truth, tools to inspire a team, who despite their best efforts, will never reach the level of Elite that you are on.
"It's simply reverse psychology!!!!"

So here's to you, The Elite master of character builds, and grab your self a Cure Light, you'll need it, especially after the party healer refuses to cure you in battle, since he's just not quite as awesome as you.
Mr. Elite Critic Player Guuuuuuy!"

Viszla and every other RPer that doesn't do this to people liked this.

I once was in a group with a guy that did this, and not only did he do it to everyone, but he made sure to criticize at least one action of each other party member per encounter. We were all getting really sick of it, but we had no way to prevent him from doing it without just starting a fight, vocal or physical, perhaps even both. Until, that is, he started to metagame and actually have his character tell everyone else's what they should be doing. His reasoning was that his character had evidently (though the GM knew nothing of this) spent at least two years with Epic level members of each of our classes, and studied what they did best and how. He continued to criticize our characters in this manner, and we allowed him to, saying nothing so that the in game time would add up to two weeks (We had a plan). Then, when our ranger had found our camp to rest one night, he criticized the spot, saying that the trees around the site would prevent our "imbecile" INT-based wizard from seeing intruders coming to attack us. The elven ranger responded in kind, and with a rather scathing remark regarding the character (a half elf rogue)'s parentage, at which point the rogue drew his blade. The other party members, quite justifiably fed up with him at this point, assisted the ranger in violently murdering the rogue. Upon his death, the EC got up and screamed "You all did that just because I was telling you the right way to play your characters! I'm sorry that you're all idiots!" The player of the wizard responded "And I'm sorry that you have the social skill of a rabid goat, and the kindness of a wolverine." The EC stormed out, and starting the next session, the campaign actually became fun.