Madeline the Mad Mandolin [3.5 Intelligent Item]

[Serenity Frost]

Madeline the Mad Mandolin
Masterwork
Chaotic Neutral

INT - 19 (+4)
CHA - 19 (+4)
WIS - 10 (+0)
EGO - 22

Speech, telepathy, 120 ft. darkvision, blindsense, and hearing
knows Common, Elven, Dwarven, Gnome, and Halfling
can read all languages as well as use read magic
has 10 ranks in Spot
has 10 ranks in Listen
has 10 ranks in Sense Motive
can activate zone of truth 3/day
has continuous detect scrying effect
can detect opposing alignment at will
can use detect thoughts at will

All Madeline ever wanted was to be played, but anyone that touched her would go insane. Madi is paranoid, you see, as the people who play her also always abandon her. Because of this she is fiercely protective of the bard that picks her up. She constantly warns them of danger and is suspicious of anyone who would get near them. While she is capable of speech, in several languages in fact, she prefers to communicate telepathically with her bard and only her bard. If anyone but her bard touches her she screams until she is saved. When her bard abandons her she weeps until she is played once again.

If the bard that picks up Madeline doesn't match her alignment she'll either feel he's much too stuffy for a bard (good aligned) and will urge him to drink more at taverns and be more mischievous in his interactions with people, or she will feel he's doing it wrong (evil aligned) and will insist that he be nicer to the people around him so that he'll be better treated and get more money. If she thinks that she might have to force her bard to do things properly she will. For his own good.

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I created this intelligent item for my level 25 prismatic dragon bard and she was a pretty big hit amongst the other players. She wasn't inspired by GLaDOS, but a lot of portal jokes were made when she was first introduced. She's been pretty useful thanks to his crazy high sense motive allowing him to filter out the paranoid warnings with the real ones.

My DM has gotten to do some fun things with her too. Like having her threaten to set long time companions on fire while my bard was asleep or making NPCs think he was a crazy because she insisted he speak to her aloud due to her missing the sound of his voice and not shutting up about it until he ended up yelling at her to stop talking so he could focus on being diplomatic.

I'll be having to drop her from the game soon, (my poor bard just can't handle her) and I thought it'd be fun to share her with the masses. If only to see what other people can do with her. Besides, who knows, she might eventually develop a proper mythos!

[Okizruin]

What if she were acquired by an already-insane bard?

[Serenity Frost]

Then they'd get along swimmingly, I assume. They could talk about how much everyone is out to get them and set plenty of tavern beds ablaze to keep the underpants gnomes away.

[Veklim]

Damned underpants gnomes... let alone the left sock fairy...