Roleplaying as the opposite sex

[Hierarchy9990]

Hi I'm new here, and I was just wanted to ask this of the players who like to role play as the opposite gender. How do you do it? To me role playing as the other sex is a pretty difficult task, and I find it pretty cool how some people can pull it off without it becoming cliche or sexist. I've tried it couple of times(in video games), and when I play a girl it always just feels.. Uncomfortable.

I guess I just need a way to associate with my characters, and playing as a girl feels too alien to me. But I know there's a lot of people can pull it off so if there is anyone here guy or girl who enjoys role playing like this, please post. I'm interested to hear how you do it.

[Yukitsu]

Well, I failed an IRL gender test, so I'm not sure which one counts as the opposite, but generally, I just play them about the same. There are a few circumstances where I think gender is going to really make a difference in how they react to things, but in general, the way guys and gals react to most fantasy scenarios are pretty much more similar than they are dissimilar. I tend to find most concerted efforts to play the other gender as something different end up as mildly uncomfortable sexist parodies anyway.

[hivedragon]

Lately I've been playing pregens, I usually end up playing a girl. This has never ended up as a problem for me. I can see it might be an issue if we actually RPed sex or seduction but that would be awkward whatever gender we played as.

[NecroRebel]

The trouble you're probably having is that you're trying to roleplay "a girl." Females aren't defined by their sex and don't define themselves by their gender. Females happen to be people. To roleplay a female believably, you should play her more-or-less exactly as you would roleplay a male believably.

That's probably the best advice you can get: people are people, regardless of their organs. While there are certainly differences between how men and women behave, they're minor, and the differences between two men or two women are larger than between men as a category and women as a category. For now, while you're starting out, you shouldn't really play women differently from men. That's a more subtle piece of acting that you can learn as you become more experienced. Most people, honestly, won't even notice.

[Remmirath]

Well, I've never understood why it's said to be so difficult. People all have different personalities anyhow, so most characters won't be that much like yourself no matter what - gender's an awfully small part of the differences between most characters and yourself.

I suppose that may really the thing of it, to just develop a personality for your character not worrying about whether it's appropriate for a male or female character, since it could work for either no matter what (it could be unlikely sometimes, but I cannot come up with an example where it just would not work). I couldn't really say how I do it - I just do it, and it doesn't seem different. It's still coming up with a character and then playing that character. I'd find it a bit dull if I played only female characters, so I generally play about half of each.

The greatest stumbling block I've encountered is if the group will always refer to the character by your gender even if they are not the same (sometimes even after you're corrected them several times ), but that's a problem with the group in that case and in my experience usually indicative of a group that doesn't really care about the whole 'playing a character' part of roleplaying.

[FatJose]

Stuff

I agree with this completely.

What might help you is this-
Make a male character, think up his personality, back story and everything else as you would normally. Then just flip the gender. Poof. Almost done. Make tweaks where applicable if gender would have altered anything somewhat. And if you still feel there needs to be something to make her more "authentic" maybe take a personality trait or two from a woman you know.

[Hierarchy9990]

Lately I've been playing pregens, I usually end up playing a girl. This has never ended up as a problem for me. I can see it might be an issue if we actually RPed sex or seduction but that would be awkward whatever gender we played as.

The trouble you're probably having is that you're trying to roleplay "a girl." Females aren't defined by their sex and don't define themselves by their gender. Females happen to be people. To roleplay a female believably, you should play her more-or-less exactly as you would roleplay a male believably.

That's probably the best advice you can get: people are people, regardless of their organs. While there are certainly differences between how men and women behave, they're minor, and the differences between two men or two women are larger than between men as a category and women as a category. For now, while you're starting out, you shouldn't really play women differently from men. That's a more subtle piece of acting that you can learn as you become more experienced. Most people, honestly, won't even notice.

I think gender is going to really make a difference in how they react to things, but in general, the way guys and gals react to most fantasy scenarios are pretty much more similar than they are dissimilar.

Nice points! I personally think going into roleplaying the other gender is best when you take a neutral approach, and do what you would do, not what you think a girl would or "should" do.

I can see it might be an issue if we actually RPed sex or seduction but that would be awkward whatever gender we played as.

Haha yeah I can see how things can get weird especially if your doing this in RL, though the looks on the peoples faces would be kind of funny.

[WarKitty]

For the beginner, yes, pretty much just roleplay an opposite gender character as you would one of the same gender. Do this until you get used to it.

Once you've gotten that, start thinking about how their gender might affect the way society perceives them. This of course depends on the character and the world. For a female fighter, might she have experienced being viewed as less accomplished or skilled for being female? For a male sorcerer, might he have been teased for shying away from traditional fighting roles? How would these have affected the character?

[Hierarchy9990]

I agree with this completely.

What might help you is this-
Make a male character, think up his personality, back story and everything else as you would normally. Then just flip the gender. Poof. Almost done. Make tweaks where applicable if gender would have altered anything somewhat. And if you still feel there needs to be something to make her more "authentic" maybe take a personality trait or two from a woman you know.

start thinking about how their gender might affect the way society perceives them. This of course depends on the character and the world. For a female fighter, might she have experienced being viewed as less accomplished or skilled for being female? For a male sorcerer, might he have been teased for shying away from traditional fighting roles? How would these have affected the character?

These are nice ideas. Though I don't really have an interest in actually playing a girl, I was just curious on how other people did it.

Though if I decide that I wanna mix it up a bit, and play an Adeptus Sororitas or something, I'll definitely use these methods.

[WarKitty]

As a practical matter, I've found the players good at playing an opposite sex character tend to be the people who aren't really stereotypical for their own sex.

[Hierarchy9990]

As a practical matter, I've found the players good at playing an opposite sex character tend to be the people who aren't really stereotypical for their own sex.

Hmm I see.. Then I should have little trouble easing into the role eh?

[Rixx]

Personally I would think the difference between a human and an elf or dwarf, personality or mindset wise, would be much greater than that between a male and female human.

If you think you can believably play an elf, you can believably play a differently gendered character.

[WarKitty]

Personally I would think the difference between a human and an elf or dwarf, personality or mindset wise, would be much greater than that between a male and female human.

If you think you can believably play an elf, you can believably play a differently gendered character.

The problem here is it's really hard to play an unbelievable elf, because elves aren't real. So as long as you basically stay within the provided description, it works.

There are, however, real men and women.

[onthetown]

I like making male characters because I feel that certain concepts just go really well as opposed to female (I'm running a bastard prince at the moment; bastard princess just doesn't have the same ring to it). Unfortunately, I only tend to have one in the party (and I run a lot of characters at the same time) because I have a hard time making the voice distinguishable from my female characters.

If it wasn't for the voice thing, heck, I think my party would be pretty evenly split between males and females. I get along better with guys and find them easier to associate with, so they're easier for me to play.

[McStabbington]

I think of a man. And then I take away reason and accountability. Oh wait, that's how you play chaotic stupid, not a woman. . .

The key to playing a character of a different gender is a several step process. First, look at your character concept and decide whether gender matters at all. Because the weird thing about motivations? They're pretty gender neutral. "Insecure bully who isn't as smart as they think they are" is a character concept that other people will get and understand, and applies to a person no matter what gender a person is. So if your character concept is gender neutral and something you can execute? Then your job is done: you have successfully played a character of the opposite gender.

But sometimes, what your motivation is or how you execute it changes based on your gender. "Insecure bully who isn't as smart as they think they are" applies to Season One G'Kar from Babylon 5. It also applies to Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones. Despite the fact that they can be described in similar elemental ideas, the society that they live in radically shapes how they go about their business and their expectations. G'Kar possesses enormous physical strength and durability, is a member of his people's ruling body, and his actions are driven by the vivid recollection of all the horrors he's seen at the hands of the Centauri. Cersei Lannister is a woman in a society that doesn't value women, in a family that doesn't value women, who has to fight through proxies. So despite the same basic description, they have vastly different methods of execution and even different conceptions of their problems.

G'Kar conceptualizes his victories in terms of the physical domination that he is so used to. Cersei conceives it as using the tools that are afforded to her to allow her to beat people who are better-armed in the game of life.

[Honest Tiefling]

I will agree that society does put pressure on people to conform to gender roles. However, given that DnD is a fantasy game with many settings being fairly gender neutral, if you choose to make a character that is responding to gender roles, make sure to respond to the correct gender roles.

You can't just use Cersei as a model and dump her into any old fantasy culture. She might be a well written character, but her circumstances will not be universal. Sometimes, women will be allowed to fight physically, or even encouraged to do so. If your game happens in a world like this, then a character who only uses one type of violence when they have access to another can be quite baffling without some sort of explanation.

Also, while some gender roles might shape a character, do add more to them. So your female character is made fun of for swinging a sword, and the male sorcerer who prefers to wear robes get a few odd looks. This alone does not make a personality, and focusing on gender roles will probably just annoy or bore your fellows at the table.

[Tyndmyr]

While the above advice is generally pretty solid, it is occasionally hilarious to play as a stereotype of a gender. Hell, the barbarian class pretty much is a walking stereotype.

Just make sure it fits the feel of the game before you decide to play Trixie the pixie, who sneak attacks with her boobs.

[Yukitsu]

While the above advice is generally pretty solid, it is occasionally hilarious to play as a stereotype of a gender. Hell, the barbarian class pretty much is a walking stereotype.

Just make sure it fits the feel of the game before you decide to play Trixie the pixie, who sneak attacks with her boobs.

This reminds me of my paladin rogue who sneak attack smote with his *ahem* man parts.

[Honest Tiefling]

This reminds me of my paladin rogue who sneak attack smote with his *ahem* man parts.

How are you confused for anything but a man gender wise again?

[Yukitsu]

How are you confused for anything but a man gender wise again?

I failed a psychological gender measurement test in university, which is a bit different. Most people just assume you are what their eyes see, even if your personality clashes with it a little. Mostly because men and women are mostly the same, those little differences in personality aren't actually that notable by contrast to your appearance. (which is why I recommend you play them as basically the same thing.)

That and the above situation came up as pure rules lawyering. Was chained to a wall, being attacked by a succubus. Which happens with distressing frequency. But at least it wasn't hags that time.

[hydroplatypus]

As many have said generally it is good to play a different gender the same as your own gender. That being said there are a few situations where you should be careful.

1. Don't play a character who sleeps around. This will greatly creep out everyone at your gaming group.
2. Ignore any situation where anyone (Pc or NPc) flirts with you as this is also creepy.

Other then that play as you normally would

[Remmirath]

I believe that in the majority of settings people play in, gender roles don't have much of an impact. There's usually no sort of stigma about whatever class you would like to be either way, for instance.

It would probably make more of a difference in, say, drow society.

As many have said generally it is good to play a different gender the same as your own gender. That being said there are a few situations where you should be careful.

1. Don't play a character who sleeps around. This will greatly creep out everyone at your gaming group.
2. Ignore any situation where anyone (Pc or NPc) flirts with you as this is also creepy.

Other then that play as you normally would

I would like to point out that, while this could certainly be a problem in many groups, it wouldn't be in all. Particularly in groups where everyone is especially good at seperating in-character from out-of-character. Knowing what your group is comfortable with is a good idea in general, I would say, and if you don't know then it is indeed likely advisable to err on the side of caution.

Obviously if that were all or most of what their was to the character it would quickly become aggravating, but my personal take on it is that the character shouldn't have to ignore everything flirtatious if it would be out of character for them to do so.

[Tyndmyr]

This reminds me of my paladin rogue who sneak attack smote with his *ahem* man parts.

I would allow this on the basis of being hilarious.

[WarKitty]

I believe that in the majority of settings people play in, gender roles don't have much of an impact. There's usually no sort of stigma about whatever class you would like to be either way, for instance.

It would probably make more of a difference in, say, drow society.



I would like to point out that, while this could certainly be a problem in many groups, it wouldn't be in all. Particularly in groups where everyone is especially good at seperating in-character from out-of-character. Knowing what your group is comfortable with is a good idea in general, I would say, and if you don't know then it is indeed likely advisable to err on the side of caution.

Obviously if that were all or most of what their was to the character it would quickly become aggravating, but my personal take on it is that the character shouldn't have to ignore everything flirtatious if it would be out of character for them to do so.

I think it's still good advice for someone not sure of playing an opposite-sex character. Not because it can't be done, but because there's a whole minefield of stereotypes and it can become an issue much more quickly. The "man who plays a big-boobed female slut" is a stereotype for a reason.

That said, I have had a male player play a female sorceress who used sex to get what she wanted when she could. And it worked. Quite well. We all loved that character.

[Hierarchy9990]

As many have said generally it is good to play a different gender the same as your own gender. That being said there are a few situations where you should be careful.

1. Don't play a character who sleeps around. This will greatly creep out everyone at your gaming group.
2. Ignore any situation where anyone (Pc or NPc) flirts with you as this is also creepy.

Other then that play as you normally would

1. No problem. I'm not the promiscuous type anyway. Not even in a fantasy setting.

2. Hmm.. Easier said than done. I'm pretty easy flattered, and I do like attentio- OH you mean if I'm playing as a girl! Ignore the perverts, fictional or otherwise. Gotcha.

[Remmirath]

I think it's still good advice for someone not sure of playing an opposite-sex character. Not because it can't be done, but because there's a whole minefield of stereotypes and it can become an issue much more quickly. The "man who plays a big-boobed female slut" is a stereotype for a reason.

That said, I have had a male player play a female sorceress who used sex to get what she wanted when she could. And it worked. Quite well. We all loved that character.

Yeah, that's a good point. Some care should be taken, at the least - I think I was forgetting the 'beginning advice' part.

[Kalirren]

Hi I'm new here, and I was just wanted to ask this of the players who like to role play as the opposite gender. How do you do it? To me role playing as the other sex is a pretty difficult task, and I find it pretty cool how some people can pull it off without it becoming cliche or sexist. I've tried it couple of times(in video games), and when I play a girl it always just feels.. Uncomfortable.

I guess I just need a way to associate with my characters, and playing as a girl feels too alien to me. But I know there's a lot of people can pull it off so if there is anyone here guy or girl who enjoys role playing like this, please post. I'm interested to hear how you do it.

I typically play female characters, for the reason that playing a male character often feels so similar to my own self-image that it's unappealing for me. I typically dislike the idea that the character I'm roleplaying is a projection of myself into the game world, even though they usually are; but having an avatar of opposite sex makes it easier for me to suspend disbelief.

As for how I do it, I used to think it was harder when I was newer to it, and certainly thought it was harder before I had my first relationship with a girl iRL. But after that hurdle it became really easy. There's really very little substantive difference between the way men and women think and feel about most things, and the lack of overlap between the two sexes' emotional gamuts comprises a very, very, small set of situations. If you've never played an opposite-sex character before, steer clear of those situations. No rape backgrounds, no compulsive sexual extroversion, etc. Most people are normal. Your character can be too.

My advice to learn how to play characters of the opposite sex would just be to start playing one, and start to get a feeling for when your characters' actions and reactions are stereotypically motivated, as opposed to personally motivated. I would put it forth that it's easier to deal with the initial alienness of an opposite-sex character if you play a character who is also different in some other substantive, inherent way. For instance, my own first extensive experience was playing an elven woman in a predominantly human setting, and I'd played elves before, and dealing with being an woman on top of being an elf is actually less taxing on the RP skills when compared to dealing with being a woman and portraying that difference in its isolation.

[GoblinArchmage]

Since nobody has pointed this out yet, there is a difference between sex and gender. Sex is, quite simply, whether one has female anatomy or male anatomy. It is biological and means absolutely nothing. Gender, on the other hand, is an identity, and includes more options than just "female" and "male." Roleplaying the opposite sex, therefore, is not particularly complicated. Roleplaying a different gender, though, may or may not be more challenging.

[Knaight]

I think it's still good advice for someone not sure of playing an opposite-sex character. Not because it can't be done, but because there's a whole minefield of stereotypes and it can become an issue much more quickly. The "man who plays a big-boobed female slut" is a stereotype for a reason.

Yes, but that really has more to do with a rut. If the first character you see a man play is the "big-boobed female slut", or you see one, then another one, then yet another one, there is clearly an issue. If a character that could be described as that -though not only that- shows up once, its probably not an issue.

In short, don't start with a character like this, and probably avoid it until you already have established trust with your group regarding playing characters in a mature manner, regardless of their sex.

As for role playing the opposite sex, come up with a character. If it fits a particular sex, or fantasy species, or hair color, go with it. Outside of the absolute core of the character, from the tiny details to large events of the life, just go with whatever fits, and let the details that aren't established change to fit.

[Kojiro]

Two of the best possible points were already made, those being that there are very few major psychological differences between the genders that are likely to come up (unless this is a certain type of setting), and don't over-sexualize the character either. You'll probably hurt the character's believability, and you may come off as creepy as well; you don't have to avoid romantic-ish interactions entirely, but getting pervy with your friends is a good way to get a bad reputation.

Actually, this is good advice in general, when it comes to characters that aren't "normal" for you, be it that they're the opposite gender (or something else), gay/bisexual, insane, or whatever: While that trait is a part of their character, and possibly a major one, it should not be their defining trait. In other words, there should be more to them than <insert trait here>; your character should not just be summed up as "the woman", or "the gay guy"; if people can describe your character in so few words (assuming they aren't the kind of person who doesn't pay attention or care), you're probably doing something wrong. Or they're the only person in the group like that; you could, for example, call Haley "the chick" (people about to bring V's gender or whatever up, you know what I mean here), as she is (maybe) the only female in the group, but that's just because, again, she's the only female in the group, and it's pretty obvious that there's far more to the character than her gender. Anyway, getting off-topic.

If people are interested, I could provide some of my characters (albeit ones from non-DnD things) as examples of ways I think this works, but I personally think I made the point up there pretty well.