Support the GITP forums on Patreon
Help support GITP's forums (and ongoing server maintenance) via Patreon
Results 1 to 17 of 17
  1. - Top - End - #1
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default So, I just lost my first player

    Greetings everyone.

    I just received a mail from one of my current players who dropped out of my campaign. He politely stated several reasons, among them that he does enjoy my ideas but still misses the rich background of an established setting like Cthulhu (we play Fudge and the background is completely my own doing. I should also mention that the initial idea was a sandbox campaign that required little preparation). Now, as I am a constant visitor of this forum, I realize that this happens sooner or later, but I am still... slightly sad and confused. The other players seem to be happy enough, but I cannot help but doubt my DM-skills (12-odd years of experience, but only with one group).

    Thoughts on this are welcome.
    What can change the nature of a man?

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Anxe's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Davis, California
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    If you posted the letter in its entirety I might be able to say more. All you've given me is that he likes Cthulu more than your campaign world. Sounds like he's a cultist.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Sweden
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    If you want to keep him play some Cthulhu?

    Also, one thing we used to do was talk about what we wanted to improve at the end of each session.
    Black text is for sarcasm, also sincerity. You'll just have to read between the lines and infer from context like an animal

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Newfoundland
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    You can not please everyone. Don't try to, it will give you ulcers.
    Settings: Weird West
    Work in Progress: Fulcrum

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    LansXero's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Lima, Peru
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    True but you SHOULD doubt your DM skills. Thats the only way to get better. Not in a negative crippling way, but more on a "what could have I done better?" way. Perhaps you are being stingy with details, perhaps the mythos surrounding your world isnt deep or engaging enough, perhaps the world comes out as flat and generic... or perhaps its just a difference of taste. But evaluation what you do can only help, so long as you keep in mind that you are not your work (or hobby, as the case might be) and thus dont get defensive about it.

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    Quote Originally Posted by prufock View Post
    You can not please everyone. Don't try to, it will give you ulcers.
    Kind of this. Just don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe you could ask your players about any concerns or comments they have about the games you run, then try to address some of them? Posting the letters contents (the reasons he gave) would be useful for us too.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    As someone who does that sort of thing almost always (to the point I've stopped joining games since I know for an almost fact I will want to bail out eventually), don't take it personally. Most likely, it's not about you. The player was probably never fully committed to the game, drawn in by the lure of character creation or spending time with friends, or something else that sounded promising but later faded away.

    Be grateful, they're saving you a lot of apathy and disinterest at the table by pulling out early. Also, don't look too closely at the reasons you're given. If they're anything like me, they're vague half-truths that don't really address the problem.

    Just let it go and find someone else if you're missing a spot. If not, just forget about it. It happens all the time. Just be more observant next time and give them an out yourself (guilt- and drama-free, of course). Some might be grateful for that.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Planetar

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    London, England.

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    It happens.

    You can't please everyone, so concentrate on running a game that's as fun as possible for everyone that shows up. If you really enjoy the game and the other players do too, you'll never have a shortage of new players to replace old ones.

    That's what I've found, anyway.
    I'm the author of the Alex Verus series of urban fantasy novels. Fated is the first, and Book #10 in the series, Fallen, is out as of September 2019. For updates, check my blog!

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Feb 2011

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    If you feel up to it, get some more feedback from him. What kinds of flavor is he looking for in a game, what styles, what does he think you can do better with your worldbuilding?

    Also, ask him if he'd want you to contact him if you play something a bit more world/theme heavy. If his problem is with the game itself, you won't lose a player permanently.

    It's not something to worry too much about, and definitely don't change the game you're playing if everybody else is happy. As some have stated, though, this is an opportunity for growth. Just be sure you make that clear in your reply to the player, or you might seem clingy or whiny.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Tyndmyr's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Maryland
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    Quote Originally Posted by LansXero View Post
    True but you SHOULD doubt your DM skills. Thats the only way to get better. Not in a negative crippling way, but more on a "what could have I done better?" way. Perhaps you are being stingy with details, perhaps the mythos surrounding your world isnt deep or engaging enough, perhaps the world comes out as flat and generic... or perhaps its just a difference of taste. But evaluation what you do can only help, so long as you keep in mind that you are not your work (or hobby, as the case might be) and thus dont get defensive about it.
    Agreed. In fact, the fact that he's posting here is a very good sign. From what I've seen so far, it looks like a simple case of differing interests, for which no-one is to blame, but questioning yourself is very good, healthy, and the path to improvement.

    I do also recommend occasionally changing up systems and requesting feedback from players.
    Back from a lengthy vacation from Giantitp. I've been dabbling with 3d printer technology and game design, PM if you're curious.

    "World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimization."

    New: Tyndmyr has a game shop!

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    I talked to the player in question again, and we settled everything fair and square. Apparently, the setting is not according to his taste. Even more important, I talked to the other players about it, and they gave me a lot of useful feedback. The rest of them enjoys my sessions and are of the opinion that I shouldn't worry about his bailing out. One of them also pointed out something I had thought about as well, namely that he is a powergamer. Which is true in retrospect, seeing as we all agreed on mundane day-to-day characters and he came up with his weapon smuggler / mercenary.

    I would like to thank everyone of you who responded to my thread and eased my mind :-)
    What can change the nature of a man?

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Toofey's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    North Jersey
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    As long as you have players who do enjoy your play, and his reasons for leaving come down to differences in taste, you can't worry about it.

    It's a natural process even the best DM in the world will have some players who don't like their game as a matter of taste.
    Big Ups to Vrythas for making my Avi!

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Titan in the Playground
     
    nedz's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    London, EU
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    +1 to most of the comments above.

    In these situations it can be worth reflecting on any mistakes you might have made, but that doesn't seem to be relevant here.

    It is also worth reflecting on what the player brought to the game.

    Just remember one thing: "The Game must go on".
    π = 4
    Consider a 5' radius blast: this affects 4 squares which have a circumference of 40' Ś Actually it's worse than that.


    Completely Dysfunctional Handbook
    Warped Druid Handbook

    Avatar by Caravaggio

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Orc in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Broomfield CO
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    It never hurts to have feedback from the players. I ask for so much feedback that I once had a player say his only advice was to shut up and get back to the game. He then laughed a bit, and it was all cool.

    However, Some times some games are not for some people.
    Now, Back to Lurking!
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    I think I'm going to defer to his wiser judgment in this case, because I'm probably going to keep writing responses and that will only lead to me getting myself in trouble somehow.
    - I should follow this advice more often.

    Belkar's Death Countdown best guess: 31/49 days used before Belkar is gone forever more! - updated to morning at 1190!

    Hey, its the Blog where I write! Dice Roles

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Orc in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

    Join Date
    Feb 2012

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    Quote Originally Posted by Thrawn4 View Post
    I talked to the player in question again, and we settled everything fair and square. Apparently, the setting is not according to his taste. Even more important, I talked to the other players about it, and they gave me a lot of useful feedback. The rest of them enjoys my sessions and are of the opinion that I shouldn't worry about his bailing out. One of them also pointed out something I had thought about as well, namely that he is a powergamer. Which is true in retrospect, seeing as we all agreed on mundane day-to-day characters and he came up with his weapon smuggler / mercenary.

    I would like to thank everyone of you who responded to my thread and eased my mind :-)
    (emphasis mine)

    I don't know you, your players, or your lost player, but something I would recommend giving a long, hard think about the bold section above. We'll see why in a bit. But first, an anecdote!

    A buddy of mine is running a Call of Cthulhu game. Now, I love H. P. Lovecraft stories. Everyone in the party is a friend whom I enjoy spending time with. I should really enjoy this game.

    The sad thing is, I'm struggling. When asked to create a mundane character, I keep coming back to the fact that I really don't want to play a normal, everyday kind of a person. I want to play badass characters who do badass things. I love Exalted, and Shadowrun, and Warhammer 40,000, and D&D 4E, and L5R, all of which have wildly different forms and levels of power, but each of which offers ways for me to create characters I like and do things which I enjoy.

    The point is, your friend may not be a powergamer so much as he simply wants a different degree of power in his games than the one currrently being offered. Now, he may also be a powergamer. Again, I don't know him. But it's worthwhile for you and your friends to explore the difference here, because it will help you better understand what you want out of your gaming experience.

    I, for example, see a powergamer as someone who contrives every possible rules advantage he can regardless of how it thematically meshes with his character or fits with the narrative of the campaign, often at the expense of other players by rendering their participation at the gaming table unnecessary. But if you want to play, say, Bunnies and Burrows while your friend wants to play Exalted, well, that's not powergaming -- that's just someone who wants a different flavor of power.

    Neither is better than the other if you are enjoying the one you're playing ([bias] Seriously, though, Exalted is always best [/bias]). But you've got a great opportunity here to really get into your players heads and better understand how they view gaming, what kind of games they enjoy, all that jazz. And that's a kind of feedback opportunity that, if you're looking for feedback, you really don't want to pass up.
    Last edited by Fatebreaker; 2012-03-01 at 12:10 AM.
    "Inveniam viam aut faciam -- I will either find a way, or I shall make one."

    Class Balance

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Kalmageddon's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Italy
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    Believe me you are lucky to have a player drop the campaign in such a mature way, regardless of his reasons.

    I had only one player quitting a campaign and he basically disappeared without saying goodbye. We later find out that the main reason was "you don't give me enough money", as in, his character wasn't rich enough.
    The fun part is, he told this to another friend of mine while totally drunk and he also cried about having his character killed in another campaign, something that apparently made him hold a grudge against the then-DM that was now a player in my current campaign.

    I think it should say a lot that as soon as he finally got himself a girlfriend he was never seen nor heard from anyone ever again. The guy only played rpgs to vent his frustration.
    Avatar made by Strawberries! Grazie paesÓ!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    You win the worst GM thread BTW.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zyzzyva View Post
    From a different thread, even!.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: So, I just lost my first player

    Quote Originally Posted by Fatebreaker View Post
    When asked to create a mundane character, I keep coming back to the fact that I really don't want to play a normal, everyday kind of a person. I want to play badass characters who do badass things.
    Which is reasonable, but opposes the premise I gave at the beginning of the campaign.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fatebreaker View Post
    The point is, your friend may not be a powergamer so much as he simply wants a different degree of power in his games than the one currrently being offered. Now, he may also be a powergamer. Again, I don't know him.
    Might be. Then again, when talking about other characters, half of the time he mentions his stats (I'm not that familiar with shadowrun, but a constitution and strength on 14 seems to be a lot in this system). On the other hand, he also killed one of his characters when he considered it fitting. My guess is that he is more about action than characterization (which is fine), but the focus of the campaign is just different. In my opinion he simply prefers another way of gaming than I do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fatebreaker View Post
    But it's worthwhile for you and your friends to explore the difference here, because it will help you better understand what you want out of your gaming experience.
    That's a good advice I will heed next time :)
    What can change the nature of a man?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •