So, I just lost my first player

[Thrawn4]

Greetings everyone.

I just received a mail from one of my current players who dropped out of my campaign. He politely stated several reasons, among them that he does enjoy my ideas but still misses the rich background of an established setting like Cthulhu (we play Fudge and the background is completely my own doing. I should also mention that the initial idea was a sandbox campaign that required little preparation). Now, as I am a constant visitor of this forum, I realize that this happens sooner or later, but I am still... slightly sad and confused. The other players seem to be happy enough, but I cannot help but doubt my DM-skills (12-odd years of experience, but only with one group).

Thoughts on this are welcome.

[Anxe]

If you posted the letter in its entirety I might be able to say more. All you've given me is that he likes Cthulu more than your campaign world. Sounds like he's a cultist.

[Mastikator]

If you want to keep him play some Cthulhu?

Also, one thing we used to do was talk about what we wanted to improve at the end of each session.

[prufock]

You can not please everyone. Don't try to, it will give you ulcers.

[LansXero]

True but you SHOULD doubt your DM skills. Thats the only way to get better. Not in a negative crippling way, but more on a "what could have I done better?" way. Perhaps you are being stingy with details, perhaps the mythos surrounding your world isnt deep or engaging enough, perhaps the world comes out as flat and generic... or perhaps its just a difference of taste. But evaluation what you do can only help, so long as you keep in mind that you are not your work (or hobby, as the case might be) and thus dont get defensive about it.

[Slipperychicken]

You can not please everyone. Don't try to, it will give you ulcers.

Kind of this. Just don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe you could ask your players about any concerns or comments they have about the games you run, then try to address some of them? Posting the letters contents (the reasons he gave) would be useful for us too.

[Shadowknight12]

As someone who does that sort of thing almost always (to the point I've stopped joining games since I know for an almost fact I will want to bail out eventually), don't take it personally. Most likely, it's not about you. The player was probably never fully committed to the game, drawn in by the lure of character creation or spending time with friends, or something else that sounded promising but later faded away.

Be grateful, they're saving you a lot of apathy and disinterest at the table by pulling out early. Also, don't look too closely at the reasons you're given. If they're anything like me, they're vague half-truths that don't really address the problem.

Just let it go and find someone else if you're missing a spot. If not, just forget about it. It happens all the time. Just be more observant next time and give them an out yourself (guilt- and drama-free, of course). Some might be grateful for that.

[Saph]

It happens.

You can't please everyone, so concentrate on running a game that's as fun as possible for everyone that shows up. If you really enjoy the game and the other players do too, you'll never have a shortage of new players to replace old ones.

That's what I've found, anyway.

[Inkpencil]

If you feel up to it, get some more feedback from him. What kinds of flavor is he looking for in a game, what styles, what does he think you can do better with your worldbuilding?

Also, ask him if he'd want you to contact him if you play something a bit more world/theme heavy. If his problem is with the game itself, you won't lose a player permanently.

It's not something to worry too much about, and definitely don't change the game you're playing if everybody else is happy. As some have stated, though, this is an opportunity for growth. Just be sure you make that clear in your reply to the player, or you might seem clingy or whiny.

[Tyndmyr]

True but you SHOULD doubt your DM skills. Thats the only way to get better. Not in a negative crippling way, but more on a "what could have I done better?" way. Perhaps you are being stingy with details, perhaps the mythos surrounding your world isnt deep or engaging enough, perhaps the world comes out as flat and generic... or perhaps its just a difference of taste. But evaluation what you do can only help, so long as you keep in mind that you are not your work (or hobby, as the case might be) and thus dont get defensive about it.

Agreed. In fact, the fact that he's posting here is a very good sign. From what I've seen so far, it looks like a simple case of differing interests, for which no-one is to blame, but questioning yourself is very good, healthy, and the path to improvement.

I do also recommend occasionally changing up systems and requesting feedback from players.

[Thrawn4]

I talked to the player in question again, and we settled everything fair and square. Apparently, the setting is not according to his taste. Even more important, I talked to the other players about it, and they gave me a lot of useful feedback. The rest of them enjoys my sessions and are of the opinion that I shouldn't worry about his bailing out. One of them also pointed out something I had thought about as well, namely that he is a powergamer. Which is true in retrospect, seeing as we all agreed on mundane day-to-day characters and he came up with his weapon smuggler / mercenary.

I would like to thank everyone of you who responded to my thread and eased my mind :-)

[Toofey]

As long as you have players who do enjoy your play, and his reasons for leaving come down to differences in taste, you can't worry about it.

It's a natural process even the best DM in the world will have some players who don't like their game as a matter of taste.

[nedz]

+1 to most of the comments above.

In these situations it can be worth reflecting on any mistakes you might have made, but that doesn't seem to be relevant here.

It is also worth reflecting on what the player brought to the game.

Just remember one thing: "The Game must go on".

[Ornithologist]

It never hurts to have feedback from the players. I ask for so much feedback that I once had a player say his only advice was to shut up and get back to the game. He then laughed a bit, and it was all cool.

However, Some times some games are not for some people.

[Fatebreaker]

I talked to the player in question again, and we settled everything fair and square. Apparently, the setting is not according to his taste. Even more important, I talked to the other players about it, and they gave me a lot of useful feedback. The rest of them enjoys my sessions and are of the opinion that I shouldn't worry about his bailing out. One of them also pointed out something I had thought about as well, namely that he is a powergamer. Which is true in retrospect, seeing as we all agreed on mundane day-to-day characters and he came up with his weapon smuggler / mercenary.

I would like to thank everyone of you who responded to my thread and eased my mind :-)

(emphasis mine)

I don't know you, your players, or your lost player, but something I would recommend giving a long, hard think about the bold section above. We'll see why in a bit. But first, an anecdote!

A buddy of mine is running a Call of Cthulhu game. Now, I love H. P. Lovecraft stories. Everyone in the party is a friend whom I enjoy spending time with. I should really enjoy this game.

The sad thing is, I'm struggling. When asked to create a mundane character, I keep coming back to the fact that I really don't want to play a normal, everyday kind of a person. I want to play badass characters who do badass things. I love Exalted, and Shadowrun, and Warhammer 40,000, and D&D 4E, and L5R, all of which have wildly different forms and levels of power, but each of which offers ways for me to create characters I like and do things which I enjoy.

The point is, your friend may not be a powergamer so much as he simply wants a different degree of power in his games than the one currrently being offered. Now, he may also be a powergamer. Again, I don't know him. But it's worthwhile for you and your friends to explore the difference here, because it will help you better understand what you want out of your gaming experience.

I, for example, see a powergamer as someone who contrives every possible rules advantage he can regardless of how it thematically meshes with his character or fits with the narrative of the campaign, often at the expense of other players by rendering their participation at the gaming table unnecessary. But if you want to play, say, Bunnies and Burrows while your friend wants to play Exalted, well, that's not powergaming -- that's just someone who wants a different flavor of power.

Neither is better than the other if you are enjoying the one you're playing ([bias] Seriously, though, Exalted is always best [/bias]). But you've got a great opportunity here to really get into your players heads and better understand how they view gaming, what kind of games they enjoy, all that jazz. And that's a kind of feedback opportunity that, if you're looking for feedback, you really don't want to pass up.

[Kalmageddon]

Believe me you are lucky to have a player drop the campaign in such a mature way, regardless of his reasons.

I had only one player quitting a campaign and he basically disappeared without saying goodbye. We later find out that the main reason was "you don't give me enough money", as in, his character wasn't rich enough.
The fun part is, he told this to another friend of mine while totally drunk and he also cried about having his character killed in another campaign, something that apparently made him hold a grudge against the then-DM that was now a player in my current campaign.

I think it should say a lot that as soon as he finally got himself a girlfriend he was never seen nor heard from anyone ever again. The guy only played rpgs to vent his frustration.

[Thrawn4]

When asked to create a mundane character, I keep coming back to the fact that I really don't want to play a normal, everyday kind of a person. I want to play badass characters who do badass things.

Which is reasonable, but opposes the premise I gave at the beginning of the campaign.

The point is, your friend may not be a powergamer so much as he simply wants a different degree of power in his games than the one currrently being offered. Now, he may also be a powergamer. Again, I don't know him.

Might be. Then again, when talking about other characters, half of the time he mentions his stats (I'm not that familiar with shadowrun, but a constitution and strength on 14 seems to be a lot in this system). On the other hand, he also killed one of his characters when he considered it fitting. My guess is that he is more about action than characterization (which is fine), but the focus of the campaign is just different. In my opinion he simply prefers another way of gaming than I do.

But it's worthwhile for you and your friends to explore the difference here, because it will help you better understand what you want out of your gaming experience.

That's a good advice I will heed next time :)