Quitting D&D because of another player.

**Daemonhawk** · 2012-06-13, 06:37 PM (ISO 8601)

Today, I made the decision to stop playing in a group due to another player in the group. I suffer from mild depression, and he simply makes it worse when I play. In addition, one the way home today, he had insulted me to point where I had to jog in order to escape him. I feel like I made the right choice, informed my DM and left. My question is, my RPG addiction persist. Is there anyone here who could point me in the right direction in order to play D&D, tabletop online or some sort of RPG system? Thank you, my fellow Giants.

**Urpriest** · 2012-06-13, 06:40 PM (ISO 8601)

There's a Play-by-Post section of the forums. It's got lots of games of most editions of D&D and many other systems. Go look at the recruitment threads there, you're bound to find something you like.

**Rallicus** · 2012-06-13, 07:04 PM (ISO 8601)

Play by Post isn't for everyone, myself included, so I'd suggest trying out some websites like Tangled Web to find Virtual Tabletop games if PbP doesn't appeal to you. I think there's also some recruiting threads for VTT games here in the Playground, but I'm not entirely sure. Too bogged down with my own campaigns to have any reason to look for another one.

Tangled Web is where I found my players and games, though.

That said, sorry to read that man. You made the right choice. There's no reason to put yourself in an environment that's detrimental to your mental well being.

Good luck.

**Jukebox Hero** · 2012-06-13, 07:08 PM (ISO 8601)

Wow, that's tough. I'm separated from my group for different, less serious reasons, but I've turned to these forums again. But like the others before me have said, pbp isn't for everyone, and when I tried it back in high school, I wasn't a big fan of it, but now, I've grown rather fond of it.

**Blackknife** · 2012-06-13, 09:26 PM (ISO 8601)

Sorry to hear that, but I actually have less of a problem with this other player than I do the DM who let this happen. But I am going to warn you that you will be hard-pressed to find a group without one problem player. I wish you the best.

**Daemonhawk** · 2012-06-13, 09:31 PM (ISO 8601)

To Blacknife, There is a difference between a "problem player" and somebody who habitually insults you OOC.

**KillianHawkeye** · 2012-06-13, 09:33 PM (ISO 8601)

You may be able to find another group on Meetup.com.

**holywhippet** · 2012-06-13, 09:44 PM (ISO 8601)

Leaving a game because of another player is fair enough. RPGs are meant to be played for fun. If someone else it deliberately trying to hassle you it goes against the whole point.

**Frenth Alunril** · 2012-06-13, 10:04 PM (ISO 8601)

I have seen bad players bully the heck out of others.

There are two ways you can consider it. Firstly, you are right to extricate yourself from that environment. But that is all a matter of perspective.

As to my other firstly, you should consider a conversation with your DM. If your DM is down with sanctioning this rogue element for being detrimental and aggressive, then more power to your DM.

I have always believed that the game is about relationships, and if someone can't meet those requirements then they need not play.

This is where the problem of perspective comes in. Have you made the right decision by running away? Could be served better by taking advantage of the bully in a way that would change (and perhaps) grow the bully into something a bit more of a socially acceptable hindrance instead of a complete ding-dong? (please excuse my fowl language, I speak like this at work, and sometimes prove to be anathema to my colleagues... where is that sarcasm font.)

I guess it comes down to a matter of do you serve the party best by removing yourself, or by bringing the problem in line so that you have a better functioning group. The social aspect of behavior correction would be great to apply, if possible, because all you have shown the bully is "if he angers people he doesn't like they go away" which is really a bad lesson to learn.

Practice acceptance, and watch as the bully turns into either a good person, or everyone else realizes what kind of a person they are dealing with and they chaperon him to the door.

That is my social advice. (As someone who once dealt with myriad social dilemma, I find confrontation in a measured course to be the most pleasing, as truth often dries up the wit of those more rapacious spirits.)

Exhibit A: Paladin

'nuf said.

But on a side note.

We had a player, I will call him A-san. A-san thought he was cool, always told rude jokes, and made everyone else the butt of them. A-san hated anyone who didn't let him have his way. A-san was a Wizard.

B-san, the Cleric, didn't like A-san, and over time their petty rivalry exploded both OOC and IC. I coached B-san to keep the rivalry IC and make all OOC comments a derivative of "It's just a game man."

B-san finally drove A-san so far around the bend that the last time we gamed together, A-san had a go at B-san both IC and OOCly, which eventually ended in A-san throwing a pizza (thirty dollars for a pizza in Japan!) ... I repeat, throwing a Pizza at B-san, and storming out of the apartment.

Concensus amongst players, "A-san was completely in the wrong, immature, and a horrible person."

B-san, the guy who once came to me and said he wanted to quit because of A-san's badgering, became our hero, A-san's Wizard became an NPC.

**Ozreth** · 2012-06-13, 11:51 PM (ISO 8601)

I would join some Google+ gaming circles, they do a lot of gaming on there.

However, it might be best to start your own group with people you love and trust. It's really easy to get friends who aren't gamers to play d&d, and if you get them for one session they typically stick around. Just think of like minded friends/family who at least have an interest in harry potter or lord of the rings and you're good to go : )

Trick here is youll have to DM for a bit. Good news is that if you aren't really into that at least running modules is easy.

Good luck!

**newBlazingAngel** · 2012-06-14, 12:34 AM (ISO 8601)

It seems to me tha you aren't the probelm. Is anybody else having problems with this guy? If more than single person is having issues shouldn't you be discussing getting rid of the problem person instead of yourself?

**Grail** · 2012-06-14, 01:16 AM (ISO 8601)

It happens. Have you tried to see if you can get some of the crew you've just quit to create a 2nd crew and game at a different time and place?

I am in 3 crews, and there are players that cross populate them all.

**Krazzman** · 2012-06-14, 02:07 AM (ISO 8601)

My advice is going to be reapeating what the other said.

You can either confront your "problem player" or run.
By confronting speak first with the DM and the other players to see if they feel like that too. Maybe everyone is just afraid to "kick" a "friend" out of the party...

For the "run" solution... now you have managed to start over at point -1. Yes you want to game but you don't have anyone. As being said ask the guys you gamed with and are fond of.
Next step is to search for sites to meet other people.

Example in Aachen we have some boards for different games. A "general" WoD hating board and a specialized VtM board afaik. just search for "[City Name] RPG Games". Or similar.

Now the real life practice example I had to go through. First of I don't have any real contact with my old group anymore...
The last sentence i got this week after 3 months of one of them not speaking was: "want to play a game of LoL?".
We broke with ~90% of our group because we couldn't play together anymore due to time and other issues that you can find if you dig through my history here...
So I signed up at that forum and found 2 new players, now that the rest (the last guy was dm for us 4) also jumped off we took turns in dming, we have our fun and that's what's counting.

I hope you find a good group.

**Blackknife** · 2012-06-14, 02:54 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Daemonhawk

To Blacknife, There is a difference between a "problem player" and somebody who habitually insults you OOC.

Yeah. But in my games, I don't let that kind of crap fly. I don't mind occasional ribbing in good fun here and there, but I have dealt with full-blown stalkers/sociopaths in my games before. Can't tell you how infuriating that is when all I want to do is roll dice and have fun. Someone like that is definitely a problem player for me.

Btw OP, have you considered talking to someone outside of the gaming group? Like a counselor or something? I don't mean to imply anything by that, I think everyone needs to talk to someone sometimes, just something to think about. Good luck and have fun. Have you considered starting your own game? Running a game and getting to see the fun your group has because of it has been one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. :)

**Daemonhawk** · 2012-06-14, 05:25 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Blackknife

Yeah. But in my games, I don't let that kind of crap fly. I don't mind occasional ribbing in good fun here and there, but I have dealt with full-blown stalkers/sociopaths in my games before. Can't tell you how infuriating that is when all I want to do is roll dice and have fun. Someone like that is definitely a problem player for me.

Btw OP, have you considered talking to someone outside of the gaming group? Like a counselor or something? I don't mean to imply anything by that, I think everyone needs to talk to someone sometimes, just something to think about. Good luck and have fun. Have you considered starting your own game? Running a game and getting to see the fun your group has because of it has been one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. :)

Yeah, I have seen professionals before. And remember, people, I didn't quit because I wanted to, I quit because I had to. I went from mild to severe in two weeks. I had to leave.

**kyoryu** · 2012-06-14, 06:40 PM (ISO 8601)

Honestly, I'd talk to the DM. Usually players that are that toxic are well known, and if it comes down to "him or me", especially when you've got some pretty valid reasons, the gaming group will usually/often decide to kick out the toxic player, unless there are other interpersonal issues going on.

Half the time, they're just waiting for an excuse to do so. Gamers don't tend to be the most assertive folks about such things.

**Jack of Spades** · 2012-06-14, 07:17 PM (ISO 8601)

A lot of hobby (gaming) stores have cork boards or the like where people can post 'looking for player' ads. This has the added benefit of being able to ask the store owner/staff what the group is like if they are based in the store.

However, I'm definitely going to second all of the 'talk to the DM first' posts around here.

**Rallicus** · 2012-06-15, 08:33 AM (ISO 8601)

I don't understand why so many people are suggesting talking to the DM. We don't know the OP's DM, we don't know the players, we were given such little information that there's no way we could possibly give sound advice to remedy the situation... and yet people are still giving suggestions.

The OP quit the game, and they're asking for ways to get their tabletop fix. Not to salvage a game they quit. It's pretty obvious they have no intention of coming back, and to be honest I feel as though the "talk to the DM" advice has the potential to cause even more problems.

**NikitaDarkstar** · 2012-06-15, 01:18 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by Rallicus

I don't understand why so many people are suggesting talking to the DM. We don't know the OP's DM, we don't know the players, we were given such little information that there's no way we could possibly give sound advice to remedy the situation... and yet people are still giving suggestions.

The OP quit the game, and they're asking for ways to get their tabletop fix. Not to salvage a game they quit. It's pretty obvious they have no intention of coming back, and to be honest I feel as though the "talk to the DM" advice has the potential to cause even more problems.

This so much.

As for advice, I'd suggest poking around myth-weavers.com if you're interested in pbp games. The forums themselves might not look that active, but the Games are.
You can also get an account at wizards of the coast's and/or paizo's forums and look around there. I haven't been on either in a while but I'm fairly sure you can find games through those places.
But also, keep in mind pbp can be a frustrating experience because it's slow moving and has a ugly habit of dying. Not so many problem players (or at least it's easier to ignore) but keeping games alive do seem to be a problem.

**Frenth Alunril** · 2012-06-15, 06:49 PM (ISO 8601)

I don't understand why so many people are suggesting talking to the DM. We don't know the OP's DM...

Well, let's look at that, because I like analysis, and also, I would like to make my point a little more clear.

Originally Posted by Daemonhawk

Today, I made the decision to stop playing in a group due to another player in the group.

There we go, OP sighted only one other player in the group.

I suffer from mild depression, and he simply makes it worse when I play. In addition, one the way home today, he had insulted me to point where I had to jog in order to escape him.

Elaboration on the one player, the problem play. In my mind, and I believe, just about everyone else's a person who needs to be fixed.

I feel like I made the right choice, informed my DM and left.

I think this is where some people are suggesting that they disagree. I myself talked about the Paladin perspective. Is this the correct course of action? One guy is going to keep you from Table Top? Those are questions we have to consider in our lives.

We have all had some kind of issue in our lives. For 6 months I couldn't associate with others because I was going crazy. I learned to get over it. Now I have a 'winning personality' and people 'enjoy my company.' It was something I had to learn.

I think the reason we are asking the OP to go to his DM is out of some sense of encouragement to have the OP face his demons, find a solution that is made of win, and come out victorious. I don't know a single DM who wouldn't perma-ban a bully, especially one as described above.

I also believe this is the kind of thing that RP is made for. Learning to get along with others. I always think back to the Old Spice commercial with Ryan Urlacher watching his memories, "I wield the sword of Urlacher!"

My question is, my RPG addiction persist. Is there anyone here who could point me in the right direction in order to play D&D, tabletop online or some sort of RPG system? Thank you, my fellow Giants.

OP's question is how to continue with his RPG fixations. A lot of people suggested going back to the DM. It sounds like the only problem is the bully. That needs to be fixed, then the rewarding, interpersonal game experience can continue, and who knows, OP might come out a hero in a lot more ways than someone with some XP in a box on a piece of paper.

**Katana_Geldar** · 2012-06-17, 05:03 AM (ISO 8601)

Yeah, but I doubt that the OP has to be the one that does the fixing? Did you miss the part where he says he has depression? I've been there and when you're out of the "empty" states you tend to be rather fragile. The last thing you want to be doing is fixing someone elses problems.

Personally, I think getting out of that group is the best thing you could have done.

Talk to people at gaming stores, get the word out there you're looking for a group. Maybe join a 4e encounters game one Wednesday night, they're more social than anything.

Cons are good too, you can meet people and play.

But before all that, get better. And try to see someone if you need to. I've been to that dark place and I don't want to go back.

**VanBuren** · 2012-06-17, 05:13 AM (ISO 8601)