Best Boast

[Balmas]

As players, you get to have a lot of fun doing whatever you want. Some of that is found in being a lot badder than you are in real life. What are some of the best Intimidate checks / boasts you've made as players or as DMs?

One of my favorites comes from Rhomus, a necropolitan Dread Necromancer.
"Now, let's examine the situation, shall we? You are alone, fighting against four opponents who are both better armed and better equipped. You have no allies, no backup, and no way of healing yourself. Let's just leave that alone for a while. See, your problem isn't with my friends; your problem is that you just hurt Sally. [Sally is this guy's Slaymate friend and handy morality chain.]

"Now this is a problem, see? Because I don't think there's enough hurt in one lifetime for me to be satisfied.

"So, I'll tell you what we're going to do: first, we'll hit you with negative energy a few times. Isn't it just exquisite how the very air is drawn from your lungs? Enervation is such a lovely spell, it's one of my favorites.

"Shivering touch is next on the line-up. Feel that ice creeping up your veins, sapping your strength. Feel the ground rushing up to meet you.

"See, this is a good start. But do you know the best part?

"Best part is that my buddy over there is a cleric. And I know that you're tough enough to survive coming back a few dozen times, and I've got a couple diamonds burning a hole in my pocket. After that's done, and you're too spent to be raised from the dead again, I've got a special gem prepared.

"I am going to give you eternity. Immortality. Tucked away in a gem on my mantle.

"Forever."

[Crossblade]

Problem with the threat of kill, res, kill, res... repeat; is that it only works on WILLING subjects. Kill him once, then he laughs at you from beyond the grave as you burn diamonds.

[Grail]

Yup, no threat.

The best threats don't result in killing anyway.

[Elemental]

Yes... But the threatened individual might not know that.

[Jay R]

Problem with the threat of kill, res, kill, res... repeat; is that it only works on WILLING subjects. Kill him once, then he laughs at you from beyond the grave as you burn diamonds.

You're assuming a recent version. Originally there was no requirement for touch, diamonds, or a willing subject. "The cleric simply points his finger, utters the incantation, and the dead person is raised."

I once had the PCs in a graveyard, and on a gravestone they read:

He was my enemy.
Every week I come here,
cast Raise Dead,
And walk away.

[genderlich]

In a one-shot Pathfinder game recently, I played Regulus the Cavalier. This guy is a massive douche - he's self-centered, arrogant, and just all around not a great guy. He constantly boasts about everything he does and never gives his companions any credit. He also refuses to ever come down from his (high) horse. Of course I would never play such a character in an extensive campaign, but in a one-shot it ended up being pretty funny.

Anyway, the highlight of the adventure came after our vampire villain had escaped and we got back to town to talk to the mayor/questgiver. I started going on about how my bravery and skill had forced the cowardly fiend to flee, etc. (In reality I spent most of the fight under a Hold Person spell due to my abysmal wisdom.) When this exchange occured:

Mayor: "...You're full of yourself."
Regulus: "What better thing to be full of?"

[Morithias]

I can't exactly give the whole boast, but when facing a stone giant who was always going on about how "Strong the giants are". Our human fighter while beating him up, gave an epic speech about how humans EARNED their strength, rather then just being born with it.

[Lvl45DM!]

My paladin was fighting an evil cleric. I made a called shot on his holy symbol shattering it. I sheathed my sword and said "You think you're close to your god? You need that symbol, spells, materials to get a taste of your gods power. I live with my god in my soul every minute of every day. Join me, turn to the light...
or I will smite thee and cast you before my lord to spend eternity chained before his throne"
The high priest of a mad god surrendered. Sure he tried to stab me in the back when I slept but it was awesome

[Ianuagonde]

Whenever I play a cleric, I don't spend much points on Sense Motive. Or spells to detect lies for that matter. Yet I insist on being present during interrogations. They usually tell me everything I want to know when I utter my catchprase:
"Talk now, or talk when you're dead. Speak with Dead does not lie".

[DigoDragon]

In an Oriental Adventures game, our party had recently captured the "right hand man" of a powerful vampire. Being somewhat genre-savvy of the GM, my cleric killed him and burned the body rather than take a prisoner.
Later that evening the vampire visited the party Hexblade in disguise, wanting to know by whose hand was her number-one killed by. The Hexblade was a loudmouth and gave her the info she wanted.

So the vampire visited my character as she was relaxing alone in a public bath house. I was quite calm for someone who could have so easily died. She was upset at me for killing her favorite henchman, but at the same time that henchman wasn't very bright... still, she threatened to kill me eventually.

My boast:
"Unless you plan on jumping into this hot tub and strangling me right now, I suggest you go promote one of your other minions to the task. And don't bother bringing your chew-toy back as an undead thing. That'll only make his second death easier by my hands."