More Funny D&D Stories

[Deremir]

Dm: ok so sitting infront of you is a table apon Which sits a deck of cards.
Pc1: I DRAW ALL THE CARDS!
Dm: *sigh*

He actually survived because he had previosly sold his soul to a demon

[Wookieetank]

Dm: ok so sitting infront of you is a table apon Which sits a deck of cards.
Pc1: I DRAW ALL THE CARDS!
Dm: *sigh*

He actually survived because he had previosly sold his soul to a demon

I'm jealous. I've thrown the DoMT at so many different parties and NONE of them have even drawn so much as a single card, not even in 1-shot adventures!

[The Random NPC]

I always draw an arbitrarily large amount of cards. If only to teach DMs that DoMTs eat campaigns.

[MonochromeTiger]

I personally find it pays simply to identify what it is then convince a group of enemies to use it in a card game...

[Wookieetank]

I always draw an arbitrarily large amount of cards. If only to teach DMs that DoMTs eat campaigns.

I'll be the first to admit that the campaigns I run are far from balanced and run more on rule of cool and fun than anything else. One time I statted up the Aliens from the Alien verse for a Dark Sun/Savage Coast campaign (involved a lot of temporal/spatial rifts, leylines and aliens of course). Even with one of my players got face huggered in the first adventure no-one was willing to draw a stinking card.

[AlCndnRjct]

It's not my story but one of my friends sent this to me. It's by Waffle House Millionaire aka, Old Man Henderson.

Here's the link: http://i.imgur.com/Dla6O.png

[Dragonwriter713]

I have one from the from the first session of D&D 3.5 I played. Setup

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The party had been hired to go down into a mine and see what attacked a group of miners. Only one had managed to escape to the surface. So of course, we were expecting some nasty subterranean beings but it was something else entirely.

The Characters

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Areman a chaotic neutral undead Archivist/Wizard who was a mix of mummy and necropolitan. Paranoid to the point of having a hollowed out chest cavity that he used to store tiles that could be broken to heal him and contingency scrolls. Played by the Dungeon Master. Galen a neutral good human Warlock/Fighter. He was formerly a noble but his family kicked him out due to his weird powers. Has a sense of honor and justice. Cyrus Chaotic neutral Xeph rogue psion and most kill crazy member of the party. Then my character Gerard Chaotic Good human Cleric of Aasterinian, a dragon goddess. became a cleric of a draconic deity because he came from a land where dragons were common and he thought them really awesome.

The incident.

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We got down into the mine via elevator. Waiting for us at the bottom are three gnomes. Two had metal clubs and one with a heavily scarred face wielding a battleaxe. We figured that we'd breeze through the fight but, the dice decided to prove us wrong. none of us could score hits until I manged to hit the scarred gnome with hold person. while he's stuck we try to take care of his companions. Areman uses a summon trap spell to try to attack one only to roll a 1 on damage. Then the other one tries to attack Cyrus but fails his tumble check and manages to break his own kneecap. Eventually the two gnomes went down and then Cyrus and Galen turned their attention to the scarred gnome. they both land solid hits but he does not die. Then the gnome lets out this horrible scream done very well by the DM and starts swinging his battleaxe all over the place. He landed solid hits on Galen and Cyrus who both missed on their attacks. Then Areman botched a spell and I decided to charge the gnome with my scimitar. The gnome got his attack of opportunity and rolls a critical hit. On me, the cleric and only healer int the party. I was at negative HP and fading fast. The DM ruled the gnome pretty much gutted me. At first there was dead silence around the table, then we all burst out laughing. The sheer absurdity of my character charging, then getting gutted by a creature a size category smaller than him cracked us up. Fortunately Areman had a ice lance spell that finished off the gnome now called "nightmare gnome" by the party. Cyrus had some healing potion bars that got Gerard stable and Galen and Areman found some healing potions in some nearby supply lockers. To this day we make jokes about our party's fear of gnomes.

[bryn0528]

My friend ran a four year long lasting 7th Sea campaign, that I joined somewhere after the first two years. He often calls on me to make one-shot NPCs to help the party out, and then they end up becoming more permanent team members. Tomas Villalobos, my current avatar, is that character, and he got up to some shenanigans.

He's burned down several buildings, mostly on accident. He once blew up a ship from the Inquisition (my bad). A returning NPC, Tiny Larry, was a genius at building mechs, and we once fought his "evil" counterpart, Petite Pierre...

One of our PCs, who later actually became the BBEG, was fighting a villain inside a sealed chamber, and to keep us out, the villain hired Petite Pierre to kill us. So we hear "hon, hon, hon" and this robot walker suit comes out and points a giant flamethrower at the party. Everyone freaks out and tries and jumps out the way and our GM just looked at me.

GM: You aren't going to try and get out of the way?
Me: No, I'm just going to stand there.
GM: ...OH! That's right, you have El Fuego Adentro. I always forget.

For those unfamiliar with 7th Sea, El Fuego Adentro is a sorcery that's almost extinct. It makes you immune to fire and gives you some control over flames. Which pretty much nerf'd his encounter at being immune to the BFG.

So Petite Pierre fires his flamethrower, which everyone dodged except for me. "Ha!" he said, thinking he got someone at least, only to have my character standing there, unharmed, with his sword now on fire. "WHAT!"

Tomas managed to get behind Petite Pierre and plunged his sword into the fuel reservoir for the flamethrower... Keeping in mind that we were in a very confined space, Tomas redirected the resulting explosion (eh, not actually part of the rules for El Fuego, but we often didn't listen to those) so that his friends wouldn't die. Well, this pretty much meant in a line that pointed straight at Tomas... which turned Petite Pierre into a rocket that nearly killed Tomas' girlfriend anyway (she jumped out of the way at the last second). Pierre hit the door of the magical space/time vault, which, for obvious reasons, was very sealed, and Petite Pierre was no more! As in, he became a very fine layer of viscera... that our friend wasn't too happy about stepping in when she came out of the room.

[Doorhandle]

I always draw an arbitrarily large amount of cards. If only to teach DMs that DoMTs eat campaigns.

No no no, you don't use it in the middle of a campaign, you use it at the START of one!

Gives them a whole bunch of new messes to clean up!

[TuggyNE]

No no no, you don't use it in the middle of a campaign, you use it at the START of one!

Gives them a whole bunch of new messes to clean up!

Have a bunch of villains draw from it, and whichever one survives is the BBEG.

[CorwinofAmber]

Same campaign as above, party of 5 knight going in search of a troll that has been killing simple village folk.

After a long walk through some woods we see the troll in the distance building a fire next to a tree with 2 women tied to it.

My char "Right then, LETS DO THIS LEEEEROY JENKINS!" Throws my spear at it from about 50 feet.

DM "LOL" "Go on then roll"

Me - Rolls 14 "HIT!"

DM " Troll takes one to the shoulder"

Everyone else now runs in I'm a bit slow so it takes me an extra round to get there.

By the time i get there 2 of my party are unconscious 1 is badly injured and 1 is chatting to the women who are still tied to the tree. I lay in and get hit with my own spear when it takes it out of his shoulder. He gets a bit lucky with rolls and it knocks my sword 20 feet away and stands over me about to crush my skull.

Me " I reach for my spear and go for the nuts"

DM " Go on then bitch roll, it may be your last "

Me - Rolls 20 " Critical mother ****er " "No kids for you"

DM " Damn " "Roll for damage"

Me - Rolls 4d6 - 6654 " Erm... you dead?"

DM - Consults his books and notes, makes a few rolls " You lucky bastard "
" You drive your spear through the troll via the nuts and it comes out of its neck " Congratulations you just did all of the damage to the troll by yourself "

Me " So i get some bonuses for that right "

DM " I guess, i wanted to share this out but as no one else did anything looks like you get all the xp and gold"

Me "WHOOP WHOOP" "Guess being ballsy works out for the best"

Everyone laughs GG Mr troll :)

[BWR]

I always draw an arbitrarily large amount of cards. If only to teach DMs that DoMTs eat campaigns.

One of my retired characters has a DoMT which he allows family to draw from when they reach adulthood. They've been surprisngly lucky, considering there are nearly two score characters who have drawn from it now, but the times bad stuff has happened it's always resulted in a fun story.

[turbo164]

My campaign has a "Deck of Minor Things," with much milder effects like "Gain 1000 xp" or "Lose 1 Wisdom" or "one of your items becomes magical" or "Gain an irrational hatred for squirrels," etc.

The NPC who sells draws from this deck showed up during a session which happened to be the second session ever for our newest player. He and one of the veterans happened to draw the Doom card, and no one (not even the npc) knows precisely what it does.

New player's real-life kid is born before the next session and he hasn't been able to make it to any sessions since. So now the Doomed veteran is worried something similar will happen to him

[Makeitstop]

My first time playing D&D had two incidents which are often referenced in my group.

The party was travelling through a field of tall grass, when it was attacked by a pack of vicious predators which we couldn't locate. I was playing an Ardent with a lot of awesome elemental damage and mobility powers, so I figured the solution was obvious.

ME: Is the grass was wet or dry?
DM: *rolls* Wet.
Me: Damn, that plan's ruined
Others: What was your plan?
Me: I was going to start a grass fire.
Others: We're standing in the grass!
Me: I can teleport...



Which lead to the other thing.

So, I ended up using a power to level the grass in a large area and everyone rushed in so that the attacking creatures would have to move out in the open.

DM: Out of the grass comes a pack of raptors.
Player: How many raptors do I see?
DM *rolls a 7* You see seven
Player: Was that a d100?
DM:
Player:

[Void Walker]

Hey guys, I have finally finished reading both threads, and wanted to post a few humorous stories from my first Full fledged campaign (since the others were just dungeon romps).

Cast:

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DM (Jason): first time DMing, was very good at it.
Nero (Me): Half-Giant Psychic Warrior, wielded Large cold iron greataxe. Obsessed with burning things.
Elizabeth (Ove): Elan Psion, only one that had any true experience. rolled a 1d4 for gender, got a 2 (female).
Will: Gnome Sorcerer, kind of useless. meant well, but wouldn't roleplay and suffered for it.
Keer (Ethan): Human Hexblade, very good at what he did.
Odorf (Alex): Human Ranger, had a talking bow, and a shortsword that glowed pink when orcs WEREN'T around. Oh, and liked to bump uglies with animals.
Ilmig (Nick): Dwarf Cleric, would always introduce himself to everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) with "hi my name is Ilmig".
????: Kender Rogue, didn't know him very well. joined us halfway through the campaign. caused many laughs.

Background:

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only ones that are important to this are Nero and Keer. we had joined a strongman competition, which involved weight lifting, boxing, and running. this is the weight lifting portion. we were up against 2 monks (one elderly and one young) and a barbarian.

Story:

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so, this is the weight lifting portion. max weight limit is 500 lbs., goal was to lift the most weight while still maintaining a good "stance". The weight lifting portion consisted of 3 rounds. I was able to lift the most out of the party so i thought for sure i was going to win.

Round 1: the barbarian lifts 200 lbs. the young monk lifts 200 as well. Keer lifts 225. I lift 250. The old monk comes out, puts 300 lbs. on the bar, and then walks away, to the gaffawing of the crowd.

Round 2: barbarian lifts 275. young monk fails to lift any. Keer lifts 300. i lift 325. Old monk comes out, puts 400 lbs. on the bar, then walks away again, without attempting to lift it.

Round 3: barbarian fails to lift his 325. young monk fails as well. Keer lifts 375. I, having Powerful Build, was able to lift as a large creature. so, i lift my max carry weight, which was 475, rolling a 19 for poise. crowd is going wild, and i think i have this one in the bag.

Then, the old monk comes out.

he proceeds to put 500 POUNDS on the bar, assume a lifting stance, and heaves it above his head...

...rolling a natural 1 to lift. We play by fumble/break rules for natural ones, and normally this causes damage to whoever rolled it or anyone in the vicinity. So, this is what happened to the poor old monk:

he lifted the weights perfectly, and stands there holding the bar proudly above his head. then, the bar begins to bend. it snaps in the middle, bringing the weighted ends together, completely crushing the monk. we had to take a 15 minute break because we were laughing so hard.

needless to say i won the weight lifting portion.

[uagranger]

So, I got my players into shadowrun. Normally they have a bit of a crazy play style, but when they start playing this they get a bit more serious. Anyhow, there's a human shaman, human decker, elf infiltrator, human mastermind, and a troll adept. All was well and good, until the mastermind missed a session.

They were hired to steal a security officer's access badge. Simple enough, right?
They first atempt to hack into the system in order to gain entry. Well the decker winds up botching ALL his rolls. This temporarily disables him and alerts a security team which shows up in short order to take out the players.

Between the heavy hitter adept, the infiltrators marksmanship, and the shaman supporting by being a heal bot they make short work of the security team. But they still need a way inside. So the shaman suggests impersonating the security team and brininging in the troll adept for "questioning". They all agree and take off in the security teams van.

They,while wearing some very poorly fitting uniforms, bring the troll in handcuffs to the head of security who's badge they need. After some bad bluffs on the party's behalf the troll has an idea:

He bursts his restraints and grab the dudes face, diving out of a 3rd story window using him to land as one would a skateboard. "squish". The building goes into lockdown sealing everything with steel shutters. The troll runs straight through one screaming. They rest of the team fends off security until the troll returns CARRYING THE STOLEN VAN! They load in and a chase ensued. Obviously their mastermind did not approve.

[Borntoolate]

Tonight's session, I play a (headstrong, mischievous, crossbow-obsessed) sorc. The shenanigans begin:

DM: You open the crate, contained within are some large vials... contains about 4 litres of some sort of thick fluid...
Me (cutting off DM): I Take a sip.
DM: err... ok roll fort... ok take 2 con damage.
Me: Hey guys, this stuff IS NOT EDIBLE! *pours a small amount on floor* (to wizard) set this on fire!
Before I have a chance to get away, the wizard prestidigitates a flame. The puddle ignites, the vial I'm holding goes boom, I go boom, and I make the discovery; yes, it is alchemist's fire!

Later on, after being accused of wasting a precious resource (the alchemist's fire) on myself, and pithy orcs, the thief tries to steal the two last vials

DM:(after my decent spot check) You sense the halfling is going to do something shifty
ME: *Grabs vial and holds it above my head* I found them! I Exploded! I deserve to keep one!
Thief: Come on, you're wasting a precious party resource!
Me: I'll waste it on both of us!
Thief: You wouldn't
ME: I'ma Do it!
DM: He's a Doin it!
Thief: Fine, I pull out my dagger
ME: I Warn you, I'ma doin it!
DM: He's a doin it!
Thief: *presses dagger up against my crutch* you won't do it!
Me: *Throws vial at floor*
DM: He did it. Roll reflex both of you.

Result: Nimble halfling bounces out of the way, slightly singed. Me, not so much. knocked out, but point proven; never threaten a crazy sorcerer armed with an incendiary device. Especially if he's already survived one explosion, and thus is devoid of fear.

[Deremir]

DM: ok the the room is completely illuminated but has no source of light...

*about a half hour later*

DM: after killing your duplicate you notice you no longer have a shadow.
PC1: well duh
PC2: can he have two shadows?
DM: no there are not vashnederada

[Poe shire]

In D&D I played a 4' 5", level 12 dwarf fighter with 4 of my friends. We had just survived two battles with orcs when our DM says "A pale boy walks up to you and stabs you in the chest. His eyes are white and he is possessed by your god. You take 150 points of damage." So while I am sitting there thinking "WTF?!?", the DM sends my character to Hell where I have to fight my way to a mountain, on top of which there is a war hammer that does a d20x6 damage. At this point, I was thinking "holy crap!!!". My character was then restored to life. By this time, two other players left the game so Andrew and I were all that remained with the DM.

Our characters then journeyed to a dwarf city. As we entered we were met by a horde of demon-like creatures. We ran from them, and while crossing a stone bridge over lava we suddenly encountered a lava demon. Of course my character fell and landed on a mining platform. So I am cranking the winch to raise the platform up when the other player's character dies. He also had a kobold with him who escaped and found himself before a giant pit of flammable acid. At that point my character finds himself facing a demon in the form of a 12 year old boy. I attack and roll a critical success, doing 274 damage. While the demon is barely stunned by my blow, it does begin to glow because apparently the kobold dropped a torch into the acid and the demon is attracted to heat. In this form however, the demon is overwhelmed and explodes with something like a nuclear blast.

Suddenly the DM turns our characters into 11-year-olds attending fighting school. Andrew and I just sat their thinking "What is wrong with you, evil man?" That is all for now, but if you enjoyed this I will type more later.

[PurpleSocks]

Ok so I'm running a campaign which starts out with the PC's having had there memories removed after they've been dominated by the BBEG for a while. Anyway a few sessions in and the PC's still have no idea whats happened so I decide to throw them a bone, where they meet a hag coven who are well aware of everything that's going on. The Hags ask the party to perform this innocuous task and as a reward they will answer any question the PC's can come up with, so immediately the goliath barbarian says "We can only ask one question right?".

In the next session the PC's break up a slave trading ring which is connected to the BBEG, in the final room they find a unstatted out level-X aristocrat cowering in a corner, I start to say "I'll tell you whatever you want please don't hurt me!" when the same barbarian says "I charge pick him up and break him like Bane!"

The session after the PC's who had by now formed a formal mercenary company were tasked to assassinate an Orc warlord who was uniting the tribes in the frontier lands. I had it so that the warlord had a sad backstory where he was uniting the tribes in order to defy the BBEG when he realised that the BBEG was planning to manipulate the tribes into starting a war with the nearby city to aide in his coup. Anyway they enter the warcamp with tributes and such under the guise of wanting to sign up. So they get in and sit down as guests and such, the party face starts chatting up the warlord and the rest of the party starts exhibiting serious doubts about assassinating this guy... when the party barbarian challenges the Orc to single combat.

Safe to say the campaign ended somewhat anticlimactically with the PC's unwittingly helping out the BBEG stage a coup at pretty much every opportunity.

[Scow2]

That first question shouldn't have been answered had the party not finished the task yet.

[Krobar]

Back in the mid 90's I was playing in a 2nd Edition game. Our party was called the Glorious Seven, even though at any given time there was anywhere from 8-12 players.

I don't remember what everybody played, but here are the characters of note:

I had a fighter who was cursed. Every time combat started, I made a saving throw. If I failed I would immediately attack the nearest creature (usually a party member).

There was a dwarf with a Dwarven Thrower - the hammer that does lots of damage when thrown and returns to your grasp. He liked to roll natural one's and hit party members with it.

There was a cavalier who would always immediately charge into battle, before anyone else could do anything.

We had a couple of archers who would immediately start shooting arrows. Sometimes one or the other would hit the cavalier in the back.

We had a mage, who was cursed - all he would ever cast is Fireball. "We need some light down this tunnel..." FIREBALL! Of course he was immune to his own fire spells (nobody else's, just his). He loved that curse.

We had an elven wildmage spellfire wielder who as always doing random BS that didn't help at all.

There were usually a couple of clerics and a paladin along as well.

Here's what happened the last time we played this party. We were about 15th level, give or take.

We went after a blue dragon. When we got to it, in its lair, the cavalier charged into combat and got shot in the back by the archers. I went berserk and attacked the paladin with a sword of sharpness, taking his leg. The dwarf threw his dwarven thrower and smacked the wildmage spellfire wielder. The blue dragon breathed lightning on us, and it hurt. Then the cursed mage cast FIREBALL centered on himself, catching all of us in it. That actually finished off the wildmage spellfire wielder, and he exploded for lots of d6. He took all of us with him. He brought the entire complex down, crushing the dragon.

We still laugh about how that campaign ended.

[Ionbound]

I forgot about this one, but this is probably one of the funniest moment's I've ever had in an RPG.

I'm play the Persona M&M campaign that my avatar is from, and this character's whole thing is that she's actually slowly in the process of being possessed by her Shadow (spoilered for the convenience of my fellow players), and so she transforms into her Persona, rather than just summoning it. As a consequence of this, at the start she was extremely melee focused, and of course we start fighting this other dude with a wind-based Persona, and of course he can fly. So I'm kinda up the creek without a paddle, until the DM says this guys is hovering near the top of a building. So I get the brilliant idea to climb up this building, using the enhanced strength I get from the Battle Form power I'm using. So I have like 20 Str at this point, and so I start climbing this building. My very first climb check is a 3 or something. So, to all the other people, they see this Japanese girl transform into a monster, and then immediately start climbing and then fall off this building.

[Darkon47]

This thread got me to sign up so I could relate some stories to you good folk.

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About a year ago now I played in a game with a much lower level of average optimization than I am used to, I was one of the most experienced players of the group, and so as not to break the game, I decided to optimize for silly after DM permission. I ended up with a Spellscale Dragon-bloodline warlock, using a rework from here on the forums. The character was decidedly insane (mentally) and had something along the lines of a +30 on bluff, but a -4 on sense motive. This character introduced themselves as magic, being both a spellscale and a warlock, it was pretty close to true as well, and after the first night at the bar, EVERYONE was believing it, including the character themselves. The party had just been hired to try and catch the pixies that were raiding the taverns supply of signature ale - The Orc Swill. Slightly drowsy Magic takes a bit of the swill before climbing up onto the ceiling for their watch (24hr spiderwalk is nice). A bit later and now completely wasted Magic heads out of the back room and into the main area of the tavern, and the barkeep who hired us is now oddly missing. A wasted regular calls out to Magic, who is currently behind the bar, asking "hey Tim, you look different, you get a haircut or something? also, can I get another?". Magic, being as completely wasted as they are gets the regular a beer, and replies with "just lost a bit of weight is all" and rolls a bluff check to convince the patron that they are infact Tim, succeeding massively with something above a 40. However, the DM says that because of how drunk Magic currently is, they should roll a sense motive against their own lie, albeit with a +20. It is a 1. Magic is now certain that they are in fact Tim, while also being Magic. The real Tim gets back in a few hours and asks what Magic was doing back there. Instead of leaving or doing anything of the sort, Magic proceeds to get defensive, claiming that this is their bar, and there is no reason they shouldn't be back there. One successful bluff later and the real Tim thinks that he is in fact an imposter, and Magic is the real owner of the bar, and the real Tim.

Player name in this one changed for confidentiality.

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This story is of one epic campaign that I ran which lasted several years, going for about 6 hours a night, nearly every Friday night. The campaign was supposed to be a three parter, played by a good party in the first part, an evil party in the second, and after a fight for the two out of three MacGuffins that they had obtained in their respective parts, the victorious party in the third. The first part involved obtaining the crystallized essence of an overdeity, after a lot of shenanigans in the main city they encountered, where everyone was revived upon death at the end of the day, and human was in fact, the core ingredient of the local cuisine (This is the GOOD side!) the party had finalized on a roguish archer, the hivemind obsessed werewolf, The clericzilla of Jozan - Isus, and the linguist wizard who cast using the words of power system. At some point in the dungeon,the wizard was struck with temporary insanity, and before the party had the good sense to gag him, it was rolled that he would babble in a random language. As every linguist wizard should, he knew every language named in the books and still had several left over, so he had been given the ability to learn both Dark speech and True Speech, though he could not speak them normally. It was decided that the language was going to be rolled, with a weighting against dark or true speech. he ended up babbling in dark speech, and was randomly determined to create a hivemind. He was allowed to chose the type, and he chose moon rats, a type of rat from one of the monster manuals which is a normal rat during the new moon, but becomes smarter than an average human during the full moon. They can also induct other rats into becoming moon rats if the moon is full. After checking my lunar chart for the werewolf, I determined that the moon was currently new, and so could affect the currently normal moon rats. The rest of the campaign proceeded mostly fine, and we proceeded onto the second part without major incident.

The second part also proceeded mostly without incident, although the player of the wizard had left our group due to real life concerns, and another player had joined us. After a TPK or two before even entering the dungeon due to the party doing extremely stupid things (One does not attack a city known to be under the protection of a deity, and then use a fear effect on the Threat Assessment official and expect to survive), the final party managed to make it through the second part by the skin of their teeth. They take the MacGuffin and proceed to head out of the dungeon. It is at this point that the scheduled apocalypse begins to occur. Each of the MacGuffins is the essence of the god whose body makes up the continent that they are on, and with the essence of the Serpent, source of magic, having been taken, magic started to go haywire in that region. In an effort to prevent this from happening to the dragon god IO, reigns of dragons began to descend upon the other continents in an effort to hunt down any and all adventurers. The evil party attempts to teleport away, but due to the current mess, cant actually choose their target, and so rolls it randomly. using 2d100 for the coordinates, and no fudging of the dice or the map, they teleport almost exactly to the center of the main city of the first part, one day before the next full moon. I had been doing the math for the hivemind behind the scenes for a while, and last full moon the hive mind had just managed to finish inducting the rest of the cities rats. The next day the hivemind awoke, with the full force of a hivemind of over 100,000 moon rats. I had given the party a couple of options to eliminate the rat swarm before it was too late, but they had never taken the option. It was at this point that the swarm, which had an effective sorcerer level of about 2,000 decided to counter the draconic apocalypse with their own. After calming down from hysterical laughter, one of the players decided to call the wizard. He put on as straight a face as he could, and called the wizard. "John you Bastard. You've Killed us all" He says menacingly into the phone, before anything else. That campaign ended that night, in a way none of us could have predicted, and that all of us thought was hysterical.

I have many more, but those are tales for another day. For those of you who read them, thank you for your time, and for those of you who enjoyed them and are okay with online games, send me a PM, I might have a game you could join.

Edit: Formatting

[turbo164]

This thread got me to sign up so I could relate some stories to you good folk.

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About a year ago now I played in a game with a much lower level of average optimization than I am used to, I was one of the most experienced players of the group, and so as not to break the game, I decided to optimize for silly after DM permission. I ended up with a Spellscale Dragon-bloodline warlock, using a rework from here on the forums. The character was decidedly insane (mentally) and had something along the lines of a +30 on bluff, but a -4 on sense motive. This character introduced themselves as magic, being both a spellscale and a warlock, it was pretty close to true as well, and after the first night at the bar, EVERYONE was believing it, including the character themselves. The party had just been hired to try and catch the pixies that were raiding the taverns supply of signature ale - The Orc Swill. Slightly drowsy Magic takes a bit of the swill before climbing up onto the ceiling for their watch (24hr spiderwalk is nice). A bit later and now completely wasted Magic heads out of the back room and into the main area of the tavern, and the barkeep who hired us is now oddly missing. A wasted regular calls out to Magic, who is currently behind the bar, asking "hey Tim, you look different, you get a haircut or something? also, can I get another?". Magic, being as completely wasted as they are gets the regular a beer, and replies with "just lost a bit of weight is all" and rolls a bluff check to convince the patron that they are infact Tim, succeeding massively with something above a 40. However, the DM says that because of how drunk Magic currently is, they should roll a sense motive against their own lie, albeit with a +20. It is a 1. Magic is now certain that they are in fact Tim, while also being Magic. The real Tim gets back in a few hours and asks what Magic was doing back there. Instead of leaving or doing anything of the sort, Magic proceeds to get defensive, claiming that this is their bar, and there is no reason they shouldn't be back there. One successful bluff later and the real Tim thinks that he is in fact an imposter, and Magic is the real owner of the bar, and the real Tim.

Player name in this one changed for confidentiality.

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This story is of one epic campaign that I ran which lasted several years, going for about 6 hours a night, nearly every Friday night. The campaign was supposed to be a three parter, played by a good party in the first part, an evil party in the second, and after a fight for the two out of three MacGuffins that they had obtained in their respective parts, the victorious party in the third. The first part involved obtaining the crystallized essence of an overdeity, after a lot of shenanigans in the main city they encountered, where everyone was revived upon death at the end of the day, and human was in fact, the core ingredient of the local cuisine (This is the GOOD side!) the party had finalized on a roguish archer, the hivemind obsessed werewolf, The clericzilla of Jozan - Isus, and the linguist wizard who cast using the words of power system. At some point in the dungeon,the wizard was struck with temporary insanity, and before the party had the good sense to gag him, it was rolled that he would babble in a random language. As every linguist wizard should, he knew every language named in the books and still had several left over, so he had been given the ability to learn both Dark speech and True Speech, though he could not speak them normally. It was decided that the language was going to be rolled, with a weighting against dark or true speech. he ended up babbling in dark speech, and was randomly determined to create a hivemind. He was allowed to chose the type, and he chose moon rats, a type of rat from one of the monster manuals which is a normal rat during the new moon, but becomes smarter than an average human during the full moon. They can also induct other rats into becoming moon rats if the moon is full. After checking my lunar chart for the werewolf, I determined that the moon was currently new, and so could affect the currently normal moon rats. The rest of the campaign proceeded mostly fine, and we proceeded onto the second part without major incident. The second part also proceeded mostly without incident, although the player of the wizard had left our group due to real life concerns, and another player had joined us. After a TPK or two before even entering the dungeon due to the party doing extremely stupid things (One does not attack a city known to be under the protection of a deity, and then use a fear effect on the Threat Assessment official and expect to survive), the final party managed to make it through the second part by the skin of their teeth. They take the MacGuffin and proceed to head out of the dungeon. It is at this point that the scheduled apocalypse begins to occur. Each of the MacGuffins is the essence of the god whose body makes up the continent that they are on, and with the essence of the Serpent, source of magic, having been taken, magic started to go haywire in that region. In an effort to prevent this from happening to the dragon god IO, reigns of dragons began to descend upon the other continents in an effort to hunt down any and all adventurers. The evil party attempts to teleport away, but due to the current mess, cant actually choose their target, and so rolls it randomly. using 2d100 for the coordinates, and no fudging of the dice or the map, they teleport almost exactly to the center of the main city of the first part, one day before the next full moon. I had been doing the math for the hivemind behind the scenes for a while, and last full moon the hive mind had just managed to finish inducting the rest of the cities rats. The next day the hivemind awoke, with the full force of a hivemind of over 100,000 moon rats. I had given the party a couple of options to eliminate the rat swarm before it was too late, but they had never taken the option. It was at this point that the swarm, which had an effective sorcerer level of about 2,000 decided to counter the draconic apocalypse with their own. After calming down from hysterical laughter, one of the players decided to call the wizard. He put on as straight a face as he could, and called the wizard. "John you Bastard. You've Killed us all" He says menacingly into the phone, before anything else. That campaign ended that night, in a way none of us could have predicted, and that all of us thought was hysterical.

I have many more, but those are tales for another day. For those of you who read them, thank you for your time, and for those of you who enjoyed them and are okay with online games, send me a PM, I might have a game you could join.

Welcome to the forum! Loved that second one (Would be a bit easier to read if split into more than one paragraph though!)

*runs off to check lunar charts*

[The Random NPC]

This thread got me to sign up so I could relate some stories to you good folk.

Spoiler

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About a year ago now I played in a game with a much lower level of average optimization than I am used to, I was one of the most experienced players of the group, and so as not to break the game, I decided to optimize for silly after DM permission. I ended up with a Spellscale Dragon-bloodline warlock, using a rework from here on the forums. The character was decidedly insane (mentally) and had something along the lines of a +30 on bluff, but a -4 on sense motive. This character introduced themselves as magic, being both a spellscale and a warlock, it was pretty close to true as well, and after the first night at the bar, EVERYONE was believing it, including the character themselves. The party had just been hired to try and catch the pixies that were raiding the taverns supply of signature ale - The Orc Swill. Slightly drowsy Magic takes a bit of the swill before climbing up onto the ceiling for their watch (24hr spiderwalk is nice). A bit later and now completely wasted Magic heads out of the back room and into the main area of the tavern, and the barkeep who hired us is now oddly missing. A wasted regular calls out to Magic, who is currently behind the bar, asking "hey Tim, you look different, you get a haircut or something? also, can I get another?". Magic, being as completely wasted as they are gets the regular a beer, and replies with "just lost a bit of weight is all" and rolls a bluff check to convince the patron that they are infact Tim, succeeding massively with something above a 40. However, the DM says that because of how drunk Magic currently is, they should roll a sense motive against their own lie, albeit with a +20. It is a 1. Magic is now certain that they are in fact Tim, while also being Magic. The real Tim gets back in a few hours and asks what Magic was doing back there. Instead of leaving or doing anything of the sort, Magic proceeds to get defensive, claiming that this is their bar, and there is no reason they shouldn't be back there. One successful bluff later and the real Tim thinks that he is in fact an imposter, and Magic is the real owner of the bar, and the real Tim.

Player name in this one changed for confidentiality.

Spoiler

Show

This story is of one epic campaign that I ran which lasted several years, going for about 6 hours a night, nearly every Friday night. The campaign was supposed to be a three parter, played by a good party in the first part, an evil party in the second, and after a fight for the two out of three MacGuffins that they had obtained in their respective parts, the victorious party in the third. The first part involved obtaining the crystallized essence of an overdeity, after a lot of shenanigans in the main city they encountered, where everyone was revived upon death at the end of the day, and human was in fact, the core ingredient of the local cuisine (This is the GOOD side!) the party had finalized on a roguish archer, the hivemind obsessed werewolf, The clericzilla of Jozan - Isus, and the linguist wizard who cast using the words of power system. At some point in the dungeon,the wizard was struck with temporary insanity, and before the party had the good sense to gag him, it was rolled that he would babble in a random language. As every linguist wizard should, he knew every language named in the books and still had several left over, so he had been given the ability to learn both Dark speech and True Speech, though he could not speak them normally. It was decided that the language was going to be rolled, with a weighting against dark or true speech. he ended up babbling in dark speech, and was randomly determined to create a hivemind. He was allowed to chose the type, and he chose moon rats, a type of rat from one of the monster manuals which is a normal rat during the new moon, but becomes smarter than an average human during the full moon. They can also induct other rats into becoming moon rats if the moon is full. After checking my lunar chart for the werewolf, I determined that the moon was currently new, and so could affect the currently normal moon rats. The rest of the campaign proceeded mostly fine, and we proceeded onto the second part without major incident. The second part also proceeded mostly without incident, although the player of the wizard had left our group due to real life concerns, and another player had joined us. After a TPK or two before even entering the dungeon due to the party doing extremely stupid things (One does not attack a city known to be under the protection of a deity, and then use a fear effect on the Threat Assessment official and expect to survive), the final party managed to make it through the second part by the skin of their teeth. They take the MacGuffin and proceed to head out of the dungeon. It is at this point that the scheduled apocalypse begins to occur. Each of the MacGuffins is the essence of the god whose body makes up the continent that they are on, and with the essence of the Serpent, source of magic, having been taken, magic started to go haywire in that region. In an effort to prevent this from happening to the dragon god IO, reigns of dragons began to descend upon the other continents in an effort to hunt down any and all adventurers. The evil party attempts to teleport away, but due to the current mess, cant actually choose their target, and so rolls it randomly. using 2d100 for the coordinates, and no fudging of the dice or the map, they teleport almost exactly to the center of the main city of the first part, one day before the next full moon. I had been doing the math for the hivemind behind the scenes for a while, and last full moon the hive mind had just managed to finish inducting the rest of the cities rats. The next day the hivemind awoke, with the full force of a hivemind of over 100,000 moon rats. I had given the party a couple of options to eliminate the rat swarm before it was too late, but they had never taken the option. It was at this point that the swarm, which had an effective sorcerer level of about 2,000 decided to counter the draconic apocalypse with their own. After calming down from hysterical laughter, one of the players decided to call the wizard. He put on as straight a face as he could, and called the wizard. "John you Bastard. You've Killed us all" He says menacingly into the phone, before anything else. That campaign ended that night, in a way none of us could have predicted, and that all of us thought was hysterical.

I have many more, but those are tales for another day. For those of you who read them, thank you for your time, and for those of you who enjoyed them and are okay with online games, send me a PM, I might have a game you could join.

Great stories, but you know bluff doesn't work that way, right?

[ElenionAncalima]

So, we are playing Murder in Baldur's Gate

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We had been asked to investigate a textile merchant in the Wide. We decided we wanted to investigate his stand covertly, so we sent Steve the rouge to pretend to be a customer.

He goes over an plays the role incredibly convincingly. He starts asking the shopkeeper for his best fabrics and about the manufacturing process. He even asks to try this shirt on. He gets so into it, that he basically forgets the investigation and becomes obsessed with the shirt. He gets a natural 20 to haggle the merchant down and buys a nobleman's shirt at a steal.

After this, Steve bragging about his shirt and how good he looks in it starts to become a running joke. He even asked a person we were interrogating if she liked it.

About an 40 mins later, our DM is reading ahead in the campaign and burst out laughing...which is never a good sign. He informs Steve that he notices a new ordinance has been posted. He reads:

"To preserve the decency of citizens and promote the general weal, all citizens of Baldur's Gate must attire themselves in a manner befitting their station. Furs, silks, damask, velvet, samite, and satin are forbidden to all but those numbered among the patriars...Those who violate these terms are subject to fines or imprisonment."

Steve: "Aw, come on"

[Darkon47]

Great stories, but you know bluff doesn't work that way, right?

Bluff checks are used to convince people of the truth of your statement, the character who was doing the bluff check should not be subject to it normally as they already know it is a lie, the DM ruled however that as the character was insane, wasted, and had a 1 wisdom at the time, that they should roll against their own bluff, made sense to everyone, and we did not see any RAW statement that would contradict that. It is also worth mentioning that the barkeep Tim was a half-orc who had a 3 for his int.

In other funny stories, a gestalt game I was in a few years back had a drunken fist monk/rogue/improvised weapon master by the name of Remy Two Fists (Because where he comes from, that's saying something), he was nicknamed the shoveler due to his favorite weapon being an adamantine shovel he had managed to "acquire". He was nearly renamed Remy One-eye after an unfortunate incident with an opponent with a thing for organ collection, where his left eye was taken, and replaced with an ever-burning candle. It took us a while to realize that he was now a WoW kobold, without anyone having any plan of this occurring.

[Scow2]

So, we are playing Murder in Baldur's Gate

And now it's up to your party to defend the rogue, and rebel against the unlawful authority that has banished style from the backs of honest adventurers. Do not give in to the injustices of the patriarchy!

[The Random NPC]

Bluff checks are used to convince people of the truth of your statement, the character who was doing the bluff check should not be subject to it normally as they already know it is a lie, the DM ruled however that as the character was insane, wasted, and had a 1 wisdom at the time, that they should roll against their own bluff, made sense to everyone, and we did not see any RAW statement that would contradict that. It is also worth mentioning that the barkeep Tim was a half-orc who had a 3 for his int.

In other funny stories, a gestalt game I was in a few years back had a drunken fist monk/rogue/improvised weapon master by the name of Remy Two Fists (Because where he comes from, that's saying something), he was nicknamed the shoveler due to his favorite weapon being an adamantine shovel he had managed to "acquire". He was nearly renamed Remy One-eye after an unfortunate incident with an opponent with a thing for organ collection, where his left eye was taken, and replaced with an ever-burning candle. It took us a while to realize that he was now a WoW kobold, without anyone having any plan of this occurring.

To put it simply, Tim the barkeep would not have been convinced that he was an imposter, because he has proof that he isn't. Unless you convince him that magic removed his memories or something.