Amidus Drexel's Alliterative and Awe-Accentuating Anvil of Random Banter CLXXXVI

[Blue Ghost]

Ooh, what's this paper for? I didn't take Kneenibble to be the type to write papers.

[Kneenibble]

Ooh, what's this paper for? I didn't take Kneenibble to be the type to write papers.

I'm not, but it doesn't stop them getting assigned. ;___; It's for a graduate history course.

[Mutant Sheep]

Ooh, what's this paper for? I didn't take Kneenibble to be the type to write papers.

Neither did I, until he mentioned it.

I'm not, but it doesn't stop them getting assigned. ;___; It's for a graduate history course.

WHAT IS SUBJEEEEECTTT. Give us your dissertatiiooooooon.

[Dimonite]

*rubs hands together, like a fly* Good. Good.

Send news when you have investigated further. I wish to hear of your delightful downfall into fabulous mercantilism.

Kneen, you should know by now that if you want to trap me all you need to do is invite me to a literary soirée.

I shall keep you posted on the shop's curiosities as I find them, but that likely shan't be for some time - I am, after all, going home for the holidays on Sunday, and may not be able to investigate before then.

[Kneenibble]

Neither did I, until he mentioned it.

WHAT IS SUBJEEEEECTTT. Give us your dissertatiiooooooon.

Well this particular course is on Canadian social history, except our entire reading list is about food. So far we've studied migrant farm labour, a Marxist critique of the global capitalist food industry, Chinese-Canadian restaurants in small Prairie towns [every small town from Alberta to Ontario has one], alcohol in Canada since the 1700s, and the rise of donut shops.

The paper is not even that hard, which is why it's so humiliating. Basically I have to write about how all the readings work together. How I got this far in academia, I do not know.

Kneen, you should know by now that if you want to trap me all you need to do is invite me to a literary soirée.

I shall keep you posted on the shop's curiosities as I find them, but that likely shan't be for some time - I am, after all, going home for the holidays on Sunday, and may not be able to investigate before then.

Well I look forward to hearing what the shop is like on the inside. Perhaps, for your Christmas-burnt student finances, it is for the best that you not see it now.

It always begins as a literary soirée, with tealights and strong coffee; but before you know it you're floating about in an opium gown with wings of tawny port, convinced you can understand Rimbaud in the original French as you swallow another raw oyster with lemon.

Not so bad, until you espy chicken's feet beneath the hem of your Vergil's pious pagan robe and feel the lurch of unseen descent in your belly.

[Mutant Sheep]

Well this particular course is on Canadian social history, except our entire reading list is about food. So far we've studied migrant farm labour, a Marxist critique of the global capitalist food industry, Chinese-Canadian restaurants in small Prairie towns [every small town from Alberta to Ontario has one], alcohol in Canada since the 1700s, and the rise of donut shops.

The paper is not even that hard, which is why it's so humiliating. Basically I have to write about how all the readings work together. How I got this far in academia, I do not know.

I have trouble making up BS for college essays, and that is some weird thing to write about. Acedemia must suck. WHY DO I STRIVE FOR THE SUCK?

[Dimonite]

Well this particular course is on Canadian social history, except our entire reading list is about food. So far we've studied migrant farm labour, a Marxist critique of the global capitalist food industry, Chinese-Canadian restaurants in small Prairie towns [every small town from Alberta to Ontario has one], alcohol in Canada since the 1700s, and the rise of donut shops.

The paper is not even that hard, which is why it's so humiliating. Basically I have to write about how all the readings work together. How I got this far in academia, I do not know.

...I suppose it would be in bad taste for me to tell you to go with your gut on this one?

But seriously, that paper would eat me alive. I could hardly stomach the thought of writing such a thing, even if I had thoroughly digested all of the information. I hope you haven't bitten off more than you can chew.

OK, that's it. I'm all out of food puns.

Well I look forward to hearing what the shop is like on the inside. Perhaps, for your Christmas-burnt student finances, it is for the best that you not see it now.

It always begins as a literary soirée, with tealights and strong coffee; but before you know it you're floating about in an opium gown with wings of tawny port, convinced you can understand Rimbaud in the original French as you swallow another raw oyster with lemon.

Not so bad, until you espy chicken's feet beneath the hem of your Vergil's pious pagan robe and feel the lurch of unseen descent in your belly.

That sounds like it would be the most fantastic thing of all time, even with the unexpected kidnapping. Plus, it's been, like forever since my last literary soirée, so I feel like it would be worth it.

[Drakeburn]

I cannot believe that I'm going to my first semester of college next month. I don't know if I'll be ready for it.............

[Amidus Drexel]

ion, a few hours ago, I decided I wasn't going to sleep tonight. I don't remember what my reasoning was, but I'm beginning to suspect it was unsound.

Not sleeping is fun, when one does not have to do anything the following day. It's not something I would recommend, but I'll be doing it tomorrow night/the following morning.

So I just not an e-mail from my municipality, notifying everyone in the area that they had installed a new security camera for our block of flats. They ended the e-mail with "Meanwhile, you can sleep safe and know that 'Big Brother is watching'."

What a monumentally poor choice of words.

Mwahahahahahaha

That line pretty much sums it up.

I have trouble making up BS for college essays, and that is some weird thing to write about. Acedemia must suck. WHY DO I STRIVE FOR THE SUCK?

Some general formulas for essays:

1 page essay=Statistics+Double Space
3 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS
5 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^2
10 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^5+Quotations
+X page essay=Statistics+BS^X+Double Space+Quotations^(X/2)+In Text Citations*

*Note: An essay of this length should have enough citations to make a short paragraph, and they therefore deserve mention.

Speaking of essays, I still have a paper to finish. Hrm... I could probably still get a B in the class if I leave my project as is.

[AsteriskAmp]

It always begins as a literary soirée, with tealights and strong coffee; but before you know it you're floating about in an opium gown with wings of tawny port, convinced you can understand Rimbaud in the original French as you swallow another raw oyster with lemon.

That escalated rather quickly.

Some general formulas for essays:

1 page essay=Statistics+Double Space
3 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS
5 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^2
10 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^5+Quotations
+X page essay=Statistics+BS^X+Double Space+Quotations^(X/2)+In Text Citations*

*Note: An essay of this length should have enough citations to make a short paragraph, and they therefore deserve mention.

Speaking of essays, I still have a paper to finish. Hrm... I could probably still get a B in the class if I leave my project as is.

You forgot footnotes, make them big enough and you can have an essay with more footnotes than content.

Another alternative is having indexes and bibliographies, loads and loads of both. You can have an index of indexes.

Oh, and while part of references it deserves a mention on its own. Cite the APA manual for every stylistic choice and add it as a footnote and use different web-sources for it to pad the bibliography. Cite alternate language texts and have the translation by the side and include both sources.

[Amidus Drexel]

That escalated rather quickly.
You forgot footnotes, make them big enough and you can have an essay with more footnotes than content.

Another alternative is having indexes and bibliographies, loads and loads of both. You can have an index of indexes.

Oh, and while part of references it deserves a mention on its own. Cite the APA manual for every stylistic choice and add it as a footnote and use different web-sources for it to pad the bibliography. Cite alternate language texts and have the translation by the side and include both sources.

Ah, how could I forget! Allow me to revise my formulae (incorrect pluralization it may be; I still prefer it).

Spoiler

Show

1 page essay=Statistics+Double Space
3 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS
5 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^2
10 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^5+Quotations
+X page essay=Statistics+BS^X+Double Space+Quotations^(X/2)+In Text Citations*+Footnotes+Indexes+Bibliographies+Acknow ledgements+Alternate References and Translations+Clever Formatting Shenanigans (such as adding extra spaces after periods or messing with the paper's margins)

[MoonCat]

Boom! Two tickets for the first Hobbit movie, on my bookshelf. Best thing about a small town, there were reportedly only 38 tickets left, two hours late,r there's no line, and I stroll in to buy them. I end up having a talk with the dude there, who went to the same competition as me earlier the same day.

Now, just to stay up past three on a school night for the second time in a school week. I look forward to my vacation.

Also, the shadows under my eyes are back. I hope that I eventually look like L. That would be badass. (I mean, if I'm going to get them anyway, why not hope for getting a passing resemblance?)


Speaking of writing to meet page requirements, yesterday, during a journal entry thing where I had to write a page for every topic that got posted by my classmates (three a week, I had to do thirteen last night because I fell behind.), I had a particularly frustrating question that was literally unanswerable by the way she'd phrased it. I wrote almost a page long rant on it, then appended a footnote in more detail in reference to the beginning paragraph where I'd written about destroying the laptop I'd read it on.

[AsteriskAmp]

Ah, how could I forget! Allow me to revise my formulae (incorrect pluralization it may be; I still prefer it).

Spoiler

Show

1 page essay=Statistics+Double Space
3 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS
5 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^2
10 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^5+Quotations
+X page essay=Statistics+BS^X+Double Space+Quotations^(X/2)+In Text Citations*+Footnotes+Indexes+Bibliographies+Acknow ledgements+Alternate References and Translations+Clever Formatting Shenanigans (such as adding extra spaces after periods or messing with the paper's margins)

I think there is still potential for more essay abuse.

Probably fit in images somehow while still keeping it academically passable...

[Amidus Drexel]

I think there is still potential for more essay abuse.

Probably fit in images somehow while still keeping it academically passable...

Charts and tables. Perhaps a graph or two.

[Dimonite]

Ah, how could I forget! Allow me to revise my formulae (incorrect pluralization it may be; I still prefer it).

Spoiler

Show

1 page essay=Statistics+Double Space
3 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS
5 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^2
10 page essay=Statistics+Double Space+BS^5+Quotations
+X page essay=Statistics+BS^X+Double Space+Quotations^(X/2)+In Text Citations*+Footnotes+Indexes+Bibliographies+Acknow ledgements+Alternate References and Translations+Clever Formatting Shenanigans (such as adding extra spaces after periods or messing with the paper's margins)

You forgot direct appeals to the teacher/professor's ego! I mean, look at MacBeth - if Shakespeare can take up significant space with blatant pandering, then so can you!

[Amidus Drexel]

You forgot direct appeals to the teacher/professor's ego! I mean, look at MacBeth - if Shakespeare can take up significant space with blatant pandering, then so can you!

Ah, yes! If you professor has ever published anything even tangentially relevant to the paper, make sure to cite it (and preferably quote it).

[AsteriskAmp]

Charts and tables. Perhaps a graph or two.

A graph on the amount of graphs on the essay.

You forgot direct appeals to the teacher/professor's ego! I mean, look at MacBeth - if Shakespeare can take up significant space with blatant pandering, then so can you!

But you'd actually have to make content for that. Like an introduction which doesn't explain the topic at all an just says that you will say stuff.

Ah, yes! If you professor has ever published anything even tangentially relevant to the paper, make sure to cite it (and preferably quote it).

And ask him to make a preface to the cite.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

I like writing essays. So far in uni I've written one essay comparing Mearsheimer and Doyle's broad theories of international relations, one essay on the nature of war, drawing on Clausewitz and Fearon, one kinda-essay evaluating a passage from the Life of St. Sergius of Radonezh, and a bunch of exam-essay things: one rating various aspects in terms of ease of nations cooperating on the issues of terrorism, economical issues, environmental issues, and ethnic conflict, one on how the Great Schism changed the relationship between the Russian state and people, and one on... I can't remember what the last one was, but it had something to do with Russia.

[MoonCat]

I like writing essays if I'm interested in the topic.

[Elemental]

That is, perhaps, the word's rhetorical meaning: but basically it just means a repetition of terms. ANCIENT GREEK POWERS ACTIVATE! *rides a giant lowercase zeta up into ho Ouranos, its little tail flapping wildly*

However, in this case, the numbers don't stand for themselves. They stand for other things. The first twelve refers to the twelfth day, but the second to December and the third as an abbreviation of AD 2012.
And I would hardly refer to "The Twelfth Day of December, AD 2012" as a tautological statement by any definition.

Don't worry about that! I'm quite rubbish as well. Just work on sorting out your Battlenet issues for the glory of future battles. - don't your Starcraft 1 skills transfer over at all, though?

Only against the AI.
Other players seem to move with a speed that I cannot match despite my best efforts. It must be my obsessive compulsive desire to focus on economy and tech whilst being terrible at the first.

Also, the shadows under my eyes are back. I hope that I eventually look like L. That would be badass. (I mean, if I'm going to get them anyway, why not hope for getting a passing resemblance?)

Mine are permanent. And they don't end up black. They're more of a purple colour, they don't form a full arc. The arc starts at the corner of the eye and fades out about half way around the lower edge of the eye.
And they make one look old. If I went out on the street and asked people how old I looked, I probably would not be happy with the results. I'd upload a picture to show what I mean, but I'm too shy. Plus, it would also require being photographed and I hate that.




On the topic of padding essays: That only works until your teachers ask for a certain number of words, of which quotations and the like don't count.
And that is how I have always done essays. By word count, not by number of pages.

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Found a new game/hobby store. Figured I'd pop my head in for fifteen minutes or so, this was about 10 in the morning. I left at closing time, which was well into the night.

I had some fun. Thought I'd share.

I don't talk to people very often, you guys don't count until I can confirm you're people and not an elaborate AI program or super-intelligent animals leading a double life on the net.

[Elemental]

Found a new game/hobby store. Figured I'd pop my head in for fifteen minutes or so, this was about 10 in the morning. I left at closing time, which was well into the night.

I had some fun. Thought I'd share.

I don't talk to people very often, you guys don't count until I can confirm you're people and not an elaborate AI program or super-intelligent animals leading a double life on the net.

Well... I'm pretty sure at least some of us are definitely people. I can't prove it of course.

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Well... I'm pretty sure at least some of us are definitely people. I can't prove it of course.

Sounds exactly like something super intelligent cattle would say. How do you type with hooves?

[Elemental]

Sounds exactly like something super intelligent cattle would say. How do you type with hooves?

By technicality, horses are not cattle.
And in answer to your question, with ease acquired by years of practice.

[Feytalist]

I'm a people.

Got a membership card and everything.

[DJ Yung Crunk]

By technicality, horses are not cattle.
And in answer to your question, with ease acquired by years of practice.

Okay guys, the pun gates have swung open! The theme? Horses on computers! Alright, punners, start youuuur engines!

I'm a people.

Got a membership card and everything.

If you really were a human you'd know we call them "ID cards". Nice try, Mr. Ed.

[Feytalist]

And now I'm thinking along the lines of some sort of letter, saying

I hereby certify that this guy is, in fact, a human.
Signed, Dr. Guy.

Like Nobby Nobbs or something.

[Socratov]

And now I'm thinking along the lines of some sort of letter, saying

I hereby certify that this guy is, in fact, a human.
Signed, Dr. Guy.

Like Nobby Nobbs or something.

ahah, ahd me thinking immedeately about this. Nobby nobs the only human and aristocrat who has a paper to prove he belongs to the human race. (he's sort of the zoidberg in discworld)

Oh, andI'm definately human with all my flaws and the like...

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Oh Prime of Dragon, I lied, the weekend I'll be in Boston is in March not February. Either the 2-3 or the 9-10. Though if it's the 9-10 then I'll be heading back home for most of the 10th cuz I have classes the 11th... so prolly the 2-3.

[Deathkeeper]

I am most definitely the great LDK and not his familiar who makes posts on the internet at three o'clock in the morning when he's asleep because he's always hogging the laptop during the day.
Whatever would give you that idea?