Things To Be Aware Of Every Player Should Know

[navar100]

Fair is fair

1) If in a dungeon there is a very large diamond singled out in description, it is not meant for you to keep as treasure. It will be a key of some sort that disappears when used.

2) If in a dungeon you find a very large treasure hoard filled with thousands of coins and gems that you cannot carry away, ignore it. It is not treasure for you. It was never meant to be treasure. The DM is teasing you. You can say you'll come back later for it but you won't. You will have to leave the dungeon in a hurry if you don't otherwise teleport out or go through a portal.

3) Mistrust all fountains and statues.

4) Never release a prisoner in a magical cell.

5) Never Wish. You will get screwed over no matter what.

6) If you are looking for an object or information and an NPC you never met before approaches you and acts like your BFF to give you the exact object or information you are looking for, do not trust that NPC at all.

[Thialfi]

7. If given the gift of a magical boon via spring, fountain, fruit or what have you, never, ever go back for seconds.


You also need to amend 3 to say "statues will always come to life and attack the party".

[Raimun]

7. When in doubt, set something in fire.
8. You can kill it. Just attack it. Hehheh...
10. Don't touch anything. Carry a ten feet pole. Better yet, make someone else carry and use the pole.

[GnomeFighter]

11) If you check for traps there won't be one. Traps only appear when you forget to check.

12) The more the GM says "it is not a competative game" the more he is trying to "win".

13) Never ask for back story. This just upsets the GM, unless the GM has backstory, in which case he will already have told you without asking. In long boaring detail. No matter how much you complain.

14) If the GM says "You THINK you can do that" what he means is "You may think you can, but you realy can't, and finding that out is going to hurt. Allot."

15) GM's seem to think that just because they made something and understand it everyone else should find it as blindingly obvious as them. They are wrong. Don't be upset when the GM trys to pin this on you.

16) No matter what the GM says loot everything in site. It is all fair game and he will only complain when you don't and you miss some plot vital item.

[NikitaDarkstar]

17) Don't worry about encumbrance rules, no one pays attention to them anyway.

18) NEVER wonder out loud how much all your gold and loot weighs, encumbrance rules will come into play faster than a falling rock.

[hymer]

9: It's the DM's responsibility to know the rules and do all the prep work.
9b: You don't have any responsibilities.
9c: Showing up on time is bad form.
9d: Don't take notes, don't delete things from your sheet, don't keep track of penalties to your stats.
9e: If it's important enough and you insist on not doing it, the DM will eventually start doing it for you. Just keep an eye out for bonuses so you can complain and accuse the DM of cheating if he forgets one.

[navar100]

19) The Listen skill is only 25% useful. When you ask for a Listen check, it's useless. You'll never know what it is you want listen for - the number and types of creatures in an area a distance away or behind a door. If you hear anything that's not a creature it's a drip or a vague grinding. When the DM asks for a Listen check, either he's truly rolling for surprise or it's nothing and he's just trying to make you paranoid.

20) Track is useless. When following a trail, you will eventually lose it because the DM doesn't want you to find the creature or otherwise arrive at your destination precisely when the DM wants you to. If you want to identify creatures and their numbers in an area, you will only know if the DM wanted you to know in the first place. Otherwise, you only get a vague response. If you don't use tracking, you'll eventually get to where the adventure is anyway. If the DM wanted you to know what creatures did something, an NPC will tell you.

[Another_Poet]

11) If you check for traps there won't be one. Traps only appear when you forget to check.

12) The more the GM says "it is not a competative game" the more he is trying to "win".

13) Never ask for back story. This just upsets the GM, unless the GM has backstory, in which case he will already have told you without asking. In long boaring detail. No matter how much you complain.

14) If the GM says "You THINK you can do that" what he means is "You may think you can, but you realy can't, and finding that out is going to hurt. Allot."

15) GM's seem to think that just because they made something and understand it everyone else should find it as blindingly obvious as them. They are wrong. Don't be upset when the GM trys to pin this on you.

16) No matter what the GM says loot everything in site. It is all fair game and he will only complain when you don't and you miss some plot vital item.

GnomeFighter, you.... really need to get a new GM.

[OverdrivePrime]

21) Your friend the wizard is going to accidentally fireball everyone in melee every single opportunity he gets, unless you specifically remind him about the radius of his spells.

22) Never, ever trust a rogue. Especially when they're on your side.

23) When the DM goes to great pains describing how attractive or sexy an NPC is, put up every mind-shielding spell you can and stay the frell away from them.

[Erik Vale]

23) Unless it's that sort of game, your character is asexual, and if it is that sort, you probably should be anyway. And if that is not the case, have it written down that your character is into something that no one would ever think of. Because otherwise, when your character is seen to be to powerful or to wealthy, you will meet a buxom barmaid/thief/con-artist or succubus.

24) Never sleep with the buxom barmaid.
24 Collarary) Princesses, Bartenders, Hookers and all others that are normal targets for romance are also off the table.
24B) You need a reason, take a moment to consider your character suffering from a disease [Did do that to a player] or being robbed or being killed by succubus/incubus.

25) If you spring a surprise on a DM, expect him to spring one on you.

26) Breaking the campaign is fround upon, breaking a character is funny, keepo that in mind.

27) It's a trap. Doesn't matter what it is, its a trap. Your character just happens to be stupid and a adrenilen junkie, don't worry, your character will learn.

[Lord Il Palazzo]

3) Mistrust all fountains and statues.

3.1) Especially if the DM goes on about how lifelike the statues are.

28) The more often a running gag comes up, the more tempeted the DM is to subvert it.

29) The more description something gets, the more important it is. The "door on the south wall" isn't meant to provoke more curiosity than the "sturdy oak door with a frame carved in the likeness of a coiling serpent with rubies for eyes and a silver handle polished to a mirror shine" in the north wall.
29.1) Once you catch on to this, expect the DM to reverse it regularly.

30) If all plot threads lead into some new and unusual environment, beware! The DM just noticed all the cool monsters in the Monster Manual that live in an environment you never go to. Those underwater ruins are going to be full of all the giant sharks, sahuagins, aboleths and krakens your DM can squeeze into them.

[Raimun]

31. Creative thinking, while encouraged, is also frowned upon.

[Kaveman26]

32. If you see a chest at the end of a hallway and it is visible, that chest is a mimic...shoot it.
32A. Mimic's can also pose as doorways, don't get cocky or the door mimic will get you.

[Raimun]

33. In same vein... See the floor, walls, the ceiling, the empty door way and that cloak over there? They're actually monsters. Bones will spring to unlife. And those objects? Animated.

[Lord Torath]

34. And if you start doing the sensible thing and listening at doors before opening them, an Ear Seeker will be on the next door you encounter.

[NikitaDarkstar]

35. Coincidentally, leave the bookshelves to the wizard. If you try to read ANYTHING there it will turn out to be an explosive rune, animated book/book mimic, curse you, drive you insane or otherwise booby-trapped.

35b. This goes double, triple and quadruple if you're playing with sanity points.

[navar100]

35. Only an NPC can get wealthy running a business.

[Amidus Drexel]

37. When the DM says "Are you sure?", it isn't a challenge.
38. Anything that can be made into a pun, will be made into a pun. Things that cannot be made into puns will die in a manner that can be made into a pun.

[Shoot Da Moon]

39) Illiteracy is bad. Unless the GM makes you, never make a character who does not know how to read, and be sure to encourage the rest of the party to do likewise. Never hire an illiterate hireling. Your GM WILL notice any illiteracy, and thus make sure that avoiding harm or receiving some kind of benefit will depend on a character reading something.

[DigoDragon]

40. Be a team player. The group is there to have fun together, so unless everyone is okay with PvP, try to have your character show a little professionalism when the party is on a mission.

[Unseenmal]

41. Murder/Maim/Kill all Kenders on sight. No exceptions.
41.B ESPECIALLY if they are party members

42. Don't panic

[GnomeFighter]

GnomeFighter, you.... really need to get a new GM.

Dno't worry, my list wasn't 100% serious :)

[erikun]

This thread reads like a bullet-list for the worst GM ever.

[Synovia]

This thread reads like a bullet-list for the worst GM ever.

Yeah, this.

Get a better DM OP.

[navar100]

Oh please.

I get criticized yet this http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=272409 is apparently A.O.K.

It's called a joke.

[Kurald Galain]

When the DM asks, "Are you sure you want to do that?" Then the answer is no, you're not, and you definitely want to do something else.

[Synovia]

{{scrubbed}}

[RolandDeschain]

{{scrubbed}}

[navar100]

44) A DM and Player passing notes is never a good sign. Even if the note is blank they're counting on you to metagame and become paranoid. However, this is not always to mean something sinister. It could be an Honest True legitimate note for something only that particular character can know about at the moment, but it's bad news even if for said character; hence, not a good sign.

[oxybe]

44a) any note passing should be done via email, in private. far less likely to get people meddling in your affairs that way