bronze scale

[smoke prism]

Hello playground this is my first homebrew ever.so please tell me if it needs work.I also have no clue how to work out treasure so suggestion s there would be greatly appreciated.



Bronz scara
Large magical beast
7d10+21 (59 hp)
Speed 40 ft. (8 squares); climb 3o ft. and swim 30 ft
Initiative: 5
Armor Class 18 (-1 size,+5 Dex,+4 natural); touch 14; flat-footed 13
Base Attack/Grapple +7/+15
Attack Standard attack:Bite + 11 melee (1d6+6/19-20 plus poison)
Full-Attack Full attack: Bite +11 melee (1d6+6/19-20 plus poison)
Space 10. Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks: poison
Special Qualities: darkvison 60 ft,scent, tremorsence 30 ft, bend space, vanish
Saves Fort +8 Ref +10 Will +2
Abilities Str 18, Dex 20, Con 16, Int 10, Wis 10, Cha 10
Skills: Climb +5*, Hide +6 (+46 is invisible and immobile, +26 if invisible and moving), Listen +5, Move Silently +10 Spot +5, Swim +4*
Feats: Improved Critical, Lightning Reflexes, Weapon Finesse
Environment:tempret forest
Organization: solo, family (2 Bronz scara and 1d4 eggs)
Challenge Rating:5
Treasure: standard
Alignment: neutral
Advancement: 8-12 (Large), 13-24 (Huge)
Level Adjustment:-


The odd creature known as the Bronz scara is thought to be the creation of a powerful wizard called Veneficus de ferrea turris who wanted a guardian that had the agility to trial trespassers a swiftly slay them, but was also capable of holding its own direct combat.When Veneficus de ferrea turris died the Bronz scara's escaped the wizards tower of iron.The Bronz scara is a synthesis of snake and magic it is faster and stronger than most snakes found in nature and it has the ability to warp the space around and even the ability to momentary become invisible and it is granted these power s because of the magic contained in the bronze scales engraved in to its pich black scales.


Combat

Bronz scara venom (Ex): Injury, Fortitude DC 16, Initial slow, Secondary paralysis (2d10 rounds). A successful save negates the poison. Any target bitten by a bronze scara is immediately slowed as the spell as the target's body starts to seize up. One minute later, the target must succeed on another saving throw or become paralyzed for 2d10 rounds. The save is constitution-based.

Bend Space (Su): A bronze scara is treated as if they are under the effect of a permanent blur spell.The visual effect is of a vaguely black coiled shape that is perpetual out focus. The only thing that can be seen clearly are the glowing bronze runes, but they only disorient the viewer more. This distortion grants the bronze scara concealment (20% miss chance).

Vanish (Su): As a move action, a bronze scara can turn invisible by bending the light around it, and can stay invisible for 10 rounds thereafter. Once this ability is used, a bronz scara can't use this ability again for 10 more rounds.*
An invisible bronze scara gains a +40 bonus on Hide checks if it is immobile, or a +20 bonus on Hide checks if it is moving. An invisible bronze scara gains a +2 bonus on attack rolls against sighted opponents, and ignores its opponents’ Dexterity bonuses to AC (if any)


Skills*
A bronze scara has a +8 racial bonus on all Climb checks and can always choose to take 10 on a Climb check, even if rushed or threatened. It also has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line.

[Debihuman]

You can find the online 3.5 rules here: http://www.d20srd.org. I recommend you spend some time reading this: http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/intro.htm.

Bronz should probably be spelled Bronze. I am guessing that English isn't your first language. Don't worry about that; We can help.

You add your Con modifier x HD to get your bonus hit points (3x7=21 not 3)

Hit Dice: 7d10+21 (59 hp)

It is pretty slow for a Large creature. 30 feet is average for a Medium sized creature. Usually, Large creatures move at 40 feet. Burrow, Climb, and Swim are never shown in squares because you can have vertical movement.

If this creature's only attack is its bite, its damage is 1 and 1/2 its str modifier. Bite is a natural attack and can only crit on 20 unless it has improved critical. It should probably have Improved Critical feat instead of Improved Natural Attack. Note: this is not a viper but a magical beast so it can have a bite that does 1d6 points of damage without needing Improved Natural Attack.

Attack is BAB + Dex Modifier (from weapon finesse) + size modifier 7 +5 -1 = 11.

Attack: Bite + 11 melee (1d6+6/19-20 plus poison)

Full Attack: Bite +11 melee (1d6+6/19-20 plus poison)

A large magical beast has a Space of 10 feet only. If it is long, it has a reach of 5 feet.

Saves: Good saves are +5 and poor saves are +2 and then you add ability modifiers. Fort and Reflex are good, Will is poor for Magical Beasts.

Fort +5 and Constitution modifier +3 = Fort +8
Ref + 5 and Dexterity modifier +5 = Ref +10
Will +2 and Wisdom modifier= Will +2

Skills: it has 2 skill points per HD and it gets quadruple for its first HD:
4x2 +6x2 = 8 + 12 = 20 skill points.

Jump is Str based not Dex based. Also, snakes usually can't jump. It should have a Climb skill and Swim skill since it has a Climb speed and Swim speed, even if it has no ranks in those. Instead of Jump, it should probably have Listen.

Snakes have a +4 racial bonus on Hide, Listen, and Spot checks and a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. Should the bronze scara have those as well? You didn't include them. Snake can also use either their Str or Dex modifier on Climb checks, whichever is higher.

Because it has a Climb and Swim speed, you have to have a skills section that includes the following information or at least the pertinent parts. See other creatures with Climb and/or Swim speeds.

A creature with a climb speed has a +8 racial bonus on all Climb checks. The creature must make a Climb check to climb any wall or slope with a DC higher than 0, but it always can choose to take 10, even if rushed or threatened while climbing. If a creature with a climb speed chooses an accelerated climb (see above), it moves at double its climb speed (or at its land speed, whichever is slower) and makes a single Climb check at a -5 penalty. Such a creature retains its Dexterity bonus to Armor Class (if any) while climbing, and opponents get no special bonus to their attacks against it. It cannot, however, use the run action while climbing.

A creature with a swim speed can move through water at its indicated speed without making Swim checks. It gains a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform a special action or avoid a hazard. The creature always can choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered when swimming. Such a creature can use the run action while swimming, provided that it swims in a straight line.

Here is the basic Skills section. I'm not sure which skills you want to add from the snakes entries.

Skills: A bronze scara has a +8 racial bonus on all Climb checks and can always choose to take 10 on a Climb check, even if rushed or threatened. It also has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line.

Without the racial bonuses, this is what the skill section would look like:

Skills: Climb +5*, Hide +6 (+46 is invisible and immobile, +26 if invisible and moving), Listen +5, Move Silently +10 Spot +5, Swim +4*

Feats: Improved Critical, Lightning Reflexes, Weapon Finesse

Environment: Temperate forests
Organization: Solitary or Family (2 Bronz scara and 1d4 eggs)
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: neutral
Advancement: 8-12 (Large), 13-24 (Huge)
Level Adjustment: -

Creatures normally increase in size when they double their HD. Huge would be 24 at max since it is 12 max at Large.

Bend Space should be a Supernatural ability.

Bend Space (Su): A bronze scara is treated as if they are under the effect of a permanent blur spell.The visual effect is of a vaguely black coiled shape that is perpetual out focus. The only thing that can be seen clearly are the glowing bronze runes, but they only disorient the viewer more. This distortion grants the bronze scara concealment (20% miss chance).

Poison is an Extraordinary ability. DC of poison is 10 + 1/2 creature's HD + Con modifier. 10 +3 +3 = 16. 1/2 of 7 is 3 not 4 because you always round down.

I recommend that initial injury be slowed and then have the paralysis take place one minute later.

Poison (Ex): Injury, Fortitude DC 16, Initial slow, Secondary paralysis (2d10 rounds). A successful save negates the poison. Any target bitten by a bronze scara is immediately slowed as the spell as the target's body starts to seize up. One minute later, the target must succeed on another saving throw or become paralyzed for 2d10 rounds. The save is constitution-based.

Invisible creatures gain a +40 bonus to Hide while immobile or +20 bonus to Hide while moving (see Hide skill). It should be noted under Vanish and incorporated in the Hide skill. An invisible creature gains a +2 bonus on attack rolls against sighted opponents, and ignores its opponents’ Dexterity bonuses to AC (if any). See Invisible under Special Abilities.

Vanish (Su): As a move action, a bronze scara can turn invisible by bending the light around it, and can stay invisible for 10 rounds thereafter. Once this ability is used, a bronz scara can't use this ability again for 10 more rounds.
An invisible bronze scara gains a +40 bonus on Hide checks if it is immobile, or a +20 bonus on Hide checks if it is moving. An invisible bronze scara gains a +2 bonus on attack rolls against sighted opponents, and ignores its opponents’ Dexterity bonuses to AC (if any).

You should let the DM decide how this should look. It happens so quickly that the party may not even see the flashing.

I hope this was helpful and not too complicated.

Debby

[smoke prism]

1. Thank you for taking the time to read it and to comment. I will make changes soon.

2. To make it clear English is, my first language i was trying to make it sound more exotic.

[smoke prism]

Changes have been made.