Iron Author Contest (This is the Creative Writing Contest)

[DarkLightDragon]

Since I have nothing else to do right now, I'll begin the judging.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Since I have nothing else to do right now, I'll begin the judging.

Thats what I like in a judge. Enthusiasm!

[DarkLightDragon]

Brackets will be posted as they are judged. The others are coming.

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Amotis vs Z-Axis

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Amotis

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Amotis’ Entry by Amotis

Comments:

The story has an interesting introduction, and I like that you described the man so we can get an image of him and a feel for what he is doing.

As for the part in italics, it was a bit hard to read in a large block. However, I managed to read all of it, and the part about priests for the god of false gods was amusing.

The only thing that really annoyed me was the fact that it was in a large block and not paragraphs. When things are hard to read, I usually lose interest. In the end, I only read on because I had to judge this. I suggest that you use paragraphs next time, to make things easier on the eyes, which will in turn be likely to improve your marks. I understand that you seem to be trying to get an essay-like effect, but unfortunately my eyes didn’t quite appreciate it.

The conversation between Jeremy and Mum was pretty good. I didn’t laugh, but it was good because, being a teen, I find it easy to relate to that in my life (Dinner’s ready! Can you do this, please? Did you hear me? You were supposed to do that ages ago!). I especially liked the use of multiple letters when the mother says Jeremy’s name.

The articles seem to fit well. I like how you integrated them into the story.

Z-Axis

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Story by Z-Axis

Comments:

Great story. I was hooked and wanted to read more! I’d have to say that this is one of the best robbery stories I’ve read. There was at least one typo, though, so you should proof read a bit more for a better score. This is a very interesting and easy to read story and the articles were integrated very well.

Verdict

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Verdict: Z-Axis wins

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Angela vs Tanon Sharpe

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Angela

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Story by Angela

Comments:

I wouldn’t call the story shabby. I actually liked reading it. What made the story interesting was that it was told from thoughts and in a first-person perspective. There’s only one thing wrong:

After 36 decades on this earth

36 decades=360 years… That’s impossible. I know you (hopefully) meant years, but you would do well to proof-read for little errors like that. All in all, this is a nice story in which the articles were brought together almost perfectly.

Tanon Sharpe

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Story by Tanon Sharpe

Comments:

This is a good story which I liked reading, but the end confused me a bit. Different fonts for different characters made things interesting. The italics were used effectively as well. Although the articles were brought together in an unusual way, I must say that it definitely added to the story.

Verdict

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Verdict: Tanon Sharpe wins

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Calliach vs ZombieRockStar

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Calliach

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Story by Calliach

Comments:

I liked the plot of the story. Character meets someone then gets forced into undercover work. Similar to the Alex Rider series, but Alex is a good spy, although (very) reluctant. The dialogue is also interesting. However, there are a few typos and I’m a bit disappointed with the involvement of the articles. I had to read them again after the story to pick them up, and even then I found it hard to understand. The story itself is okay, though, but I’d like to see a better reference for next time.

ZombieRockStar

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The 37th Hottest Woman in the World by ZombieRockStar

Comments:

This was interesting. I liked it. The dialogue was amusing and the song lyrics were good. Article references were also good and fitted well with the story.

Verdict

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Verdict: ZombieRockStar wins

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Cult of the Raven vs Elvaris

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Cult of the Raven

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Sanddream by Cult of the Raven

Comments:

That was a good story. I like the dream/other world ideas you put into it. The articles were referenced nicely and made things more weird and dream-like.

Elvaris

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Story by Elvaris

Comments:

It’s interesting how this story is set as a conversation between two people and tells of a story of the past. I liked reading it and was interested by the “recording”, the dialogue and the non-dialogue at the end. Both articles were brought together in a way that made the story seem real. This is a good piece of work.

Verdict

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Verdict: Elvaris wins

[Bryn]

Brackets will be posted as they are judged. The others are coming.

Amotis vs Z-Axis

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Amotis

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Amotis’ Entry by Amotis

Comments:

The story has an interesting introduction, and I like that you described the man so we can get an image of him and a feel for what he is doing.

As for the part in italics, it was a bit hard to read in a large block. However, I managed to read all of it, and the part about priests for the god of false gods was amusing.

The only thing that really annoyed me was the fact that it was in a large block and not paragraphs. When things are hard to read, I usually lose interest. In the end, I only read on because I had to judge this. I suggest that you use paragraphs next time, to make things easier on the eyes, which will in turn be likely to improve your marks. I understand that you seem to be trying to get an essay-like effect, but unfortunately my eyes didn’t quite appreciate it.

The conversation between Jeremy and Mum was pretty good. I didn’t laugh, but it was good because, being a teen, I find it easy to relate to that in my life (Dinner’s ready! Can you do this, please? Did you hear me? You were supposed to do that ages ago!). I especially liked the use of multiple letters when the mother says Jeremy’s name.

The articles seem to fit well. I like how you integrated them into the story.

Z-Axis

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Story by Z-Axis

Comments:

Great story. I was hooked and wanted to read more! I’d have to say that this is one of the best robbery stories I’ve read. There was at least one typo, though, so you should proof read a bit more for a better score. This is a very interesting and easy to read story and the articles were integrated very well.

Verdict

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Verdict: Z-Axis wins

That's how I felt after reading the verdict. Thanks!

Also, where was the typo you found? I won't be able to change the entry now, but I will be able to change the file in case I want to show it anywhere else.

[DarkLightDragon]

-snip- Also, where was the typo you found? I won't be able to change the entry now, but I will be able to change the file in case I want to show it anywhere else.

I have no real desire to read the stories again right now, but I might look for it later.

I generated two random articles myself just for fun. I got an anime character and James Campbell. BOOM! Instant idea! If only I had those articles in a contest

[Amotis]

Aww okay. Good Job Z-Axis. I had to mess with you on yesterdays math test too. : )
I shall return when the next contest is run! Look to the west!

[Bryn]

If the other judges disagree, you might still win.

[Dispozition]

First two pairs of my judging are done.

Amotis vs Z-Axis

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Amotis

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The introduction to the character at the start was possibly unneeded, but it ties in well with the story. Now, me being somewhat young, therefore somewhat naïve, I didn’t quite follow the main part of the story at first. However, when it started talking about Das Bardus it seemed to flow somewhat better. The ending of the story is rather witty, and I laughed a little.
All in all, a rather solid piece.

Z-Axis

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I found this story much easier to read than Amotis’, but that’s more than likely because of my preference in genres. I think that you used the name Finn, when you could have used he, a little to much. The ending was rather abrupt compared to the rest of the story, but still a good way to end the sequence.
All up, it was well put together and a good piece.

Verdict

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Well…This wasn’t too hard a decision, but neither was it easy. Both stories are good in their own right, however, I think Z-Axis is the winner.

Angela vs Tanon Sharpe

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Angela

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This is a good story. It incorporates the articles well, and it’s interesting. I like the idea of a ruby grating eternal life, and that it was found in the shoe of a horse. I can’t really point out many bad things about the story, however the ending is somewhat lacking. It could have had a little more body to it.
A well put together story and very intresting.

Tanon Sharpe

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Well…Rather interesting, in a good way as well. This is a very good story, and the ideas behind it are excellent. The introduction was very well done, and the description of the skyline was superb. A more detailed description of Mansour would have been nice because I’m still not totally sure whether you intended him to be a horse or a humanoid.
I can gladly say this story was excellent.

Verdict

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This was extremely hard to judge. Both entries are brilliant and incorporate the topics very well. However, Tanon’s story had more depth and was slightly better put together. So, Tanon Sharpe is the winner.

More coming at a later date...

[Fat Daddy]

I'm going to post the judgement tallies and advancement on the first post so you can check there to see the vote summaries.

[Brickwall]

I don't suppose that AJ and I are being judged at all? Because I'd hate to win against a better author. It feels so dirty.

Incedentally, I am unhappy that all the good authors are being advanced. That means I'll have to compete with them! And it'll get harder as I move up!
Wait...
Let me rephrase that so I don't sound like a total dimwit.

[Fat Daddy]

Incedentally, I am unhappy that all the good authors are being advanced. That means I'll have to compete with them! And it'll get harder as I move up!
Wait...
Let me rephrase that so I don't sound like a total dimwit.

Too late!!

Also, let me continue with my comments.
Comments on Yawielas' story:

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Very good job on incorporating both articles. I thought it was handled very smoothly. I never would have guessed that a composer and a teacher's association could be used to write a story about picking up a girl!

I enjoyed the...well not so much character development as the revealing of Stephen's character to the reader. I liked the character and the story itself was a very amusing read. The fact that I liked the character says alot as I don't like/relate to the 'sensitive tough guy' normally.

There were some awkward phrasings that detracted from the story and one of them was the very FIRST line! "Stephen noticed her as soon as he sat his foot inside the bar." I think something like 'stepped foot inside the bar' or 'stepped into the barroom' would not have felt so awkward (just my not so humble opinion). There were a few other phrasings that felt awkward as well.

All in all an enjoyable read. I found myself chuckling on several occasions. Plus, "I'll show you my Cello", that just sounds dirty!

Comments on Tanon_Sharpe's story

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I thought you did an excellent job incorporating your articles. The use of horse was an inspired way to get it to fit into your 'sci-fi' story. I was particularly impressed with how you incorporated the political activist without talking about politics. (again my apologies to those who got political or religious articles that is my fault). Nicely handled.
I thought the majority of the character development was handled nicely. I actually cared that Maahir died. I was worried about poor little Nudhar losing her 'pets' and her daddy. That being said, I don't think that Mansour was developed/explained adequately. I would have liked a little background on it's personality. I.e. Why did it identify the Ramin household with 'home' and how did a project on cybernetics develop an AI? I just think this should have been explained/explored a little more.
I did like the foreshadowing as well. The comment about fist-fights breaking out between engineers and the extreme competitiveness for funding. Then his wondering why his assistant didn't shut Mansour off. These led me know (or suspect) that foul play was afoot before the shot was fired. Nicely done!
I enjoyed reading this story although I must admit that I still several questions about the nature of Mansour.

Comments on ZombieRockStar's story

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Hmmmm....well....where to begin? I enjoyed your entry. The mix of mediums was an interesting change of pace and it allowed you to showcase several of your talents. I liked the songs/poems and really thought they were the strength of your piece. You also incorporated the articles well.
That being said, I can't really offer an analysis of your entry. Mainly because I didn't understand it. I know that in that surrealistic adventure is a message/commentary but I am just not intelligent enough to get it. I think it is about the shallowness, waste and lack of meaning of modern society but I just can't get my head wrapped around it.
I liked your entry because it made me do a lot of thinking and researching to try and ferret out your message. I just wish I was of a mindset that I could have understood it better.

Comments on Raven's story

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Good job incorporating your articles. You did a great job on the bird and Laughery was a difficult one to use given the posting venue. (I'm not going to apologize again though, I will 'filter' the articles better for round 2).
I really liked the imagery in your story. It generated a real sense of pristine nature and untamed wild things. You did a really good job on giving a sense of wonder to the interaction between 'civilized humanity' and 'untamed nature'. I liked the implication that with a little respect for one another they can co-exist in harmony...or maybe I am just reading too much into it.
I thought the character development decent. You developed the bird's character in a very natural and even fashion. I enjoyed watching its curiosity take it to interact with the concert. 'The girl' who was the main human character in the story was not developed as well. She didn't even have a name and this annoyed me a bit. We did get some insight into her with some of the thought processes that were shared but she just didn't 'come alive' in my opinion.
Anyway, I enjoyed this story. As I mentioned, I really liked the imagery you used.

Comments on King of GRiffons' story

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I am going to start out a little different with this one and get into what I didn't like before sharing what I did like. King, nothing kills a good story for me like randomly switching tenses. Your switching between present and past tense without any seeming rhyme or reason really made this story difficult to read. It totally destroyed the 'flow' of the story for me.
Okay, that's out of the way, on with the goodness.
I thought you did a good job incorporating your articles. I liked the soldiers taking refuge in the abandoned church. It may be a little cliche' but I prefer to think of it as a 'timeless classic'. It has always been a favorite image of mine. The 'lab in the glacier' was nice as well. A good use of the articles as location settings.
The body of the story was well written and read like a classic 'war movie' with a few little 'sci-fi' and 'superhero' extras thrown in. I really enjoyed the twisted ending of your little cynical post apocalyptic tale. Also, bravo to you for including a 'super' and never once revealing his powers. That was very nicely done and something I did not expect.
I liked this story even the grammar problems interfered with my enjoyment of reading it.

comments on TheSilverKnight's story

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This is an ecclectic little story. I'll be honest, at first I thought your incorporation of the two articles was forced. But (if you'll excuse the football analogy) you took what appeared to be a fumble and just ran with it. I have to say, nice job on incorporating both your articles.
Both your characters were likeable if a little odd. Actually maybe that oddness is why I liked them. I could totally relate with Simon. Albeit, not so much with Monopoly, rather RPG's and Cons are my schtick but you know what I mean. Sal was a very funny character as well.
The main detractor for me was grammar. There were several sentences that should have either been broken into multiple sentences or at least had some commas inserted. For instance, "I mean come on I have never seen you lose and the competition you are going to tomorrow is just a bunch of new competition players and a few pros what do you have to fear?" In my opinion this is a runon sentence and is difficult to read. I would have preferred something like, "I mean come on! I have never seen you lose and the competition you are going to tomorrow is just a bunch of new competition players and a few pros. What do you have to fear?" I am not the 'grammar king' by any stretch but run-ons are hard for me to follow. (On a side note, I never understood why Melville is considered a great author. Anyone who has a sentence that goes for 3 pages is a hack if you ask me )
I liked the Karate Kid ending. That made me laugh. As did the Montage. Montage? Montage. scene. Overall, an enjoyable if offbeat story.

Comments on Vorpal Tribble's story

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Wow! That was great story. The character development was great. I liked how the time-reference changed from minute by minute to months passing as necessary. The imagery was amazing as were the characteristics of even the 'bit players'. The old man 'walking as if on eggshells' really stood out to me. Your turns of phrase were great, "begin the arduous journey to the southern end of the room 10' feet away", "From two stories they fell, and though neither man could have weighed less than several hundred pounds, the shock was taken with only the bending down to one knee." These and many others.
I really liked how you had your character 'build' the church rather than using an existing structure. That was a nice twist on incorporating the articles.
I did know that the magistrate would come to him for healing once the refugees started coming through. That was a little predictable but didn't detract from the story at all.
I loved this story. Excellent job! And if you'll excuse the horrible pun..."I can say that based on this story, there is no trouble with tribbles." sorry, I had to...

Comments on averagejoe's story

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Very nice story! Great incorporation of the articles! They were both integral to the story and flowed very nicely. One of the best uses of articles I've seen in the contest so far!
Excellent job on the character development. Kit had a real personality and was easy to identify with. You did a masterful job making the story suspenseful. I can't say enough about your ability to impart a sense of urgency to the reader. I wanted to get to the bottom of the memories as quickly as Kit did.
I really enjoyed this story. The urgency, suspense, character development and descriptions were all very solid. Also, I liked that you didn't identify who 'they' were. I was a little worried that it was going to end up being a trifle cliche' with the 'aliens planted false memories to cover their abduction thing'. By leaving it open, I think it not only made for a better ending but matched the lost, suspenseful mood of the story.
Excellent job.

Okay, I think I have commented on all the stories. Thank you to all the entrants as I am having a great time with this contest and have thoroughly enjoyed everyone's stories!!
And for the record, my wife is annoyed with all of you. To quote her(well paraphrase really), "What is it about those Giant boards? You never get so involved on any of the other boards you go to. Now, can you get off the computer and come help me?" My answer is simply this: It's the people. The folks here in the playground are a great bunch.

[Brickwall]

Anyways, to be official, I would like AJ's entry to count. If he wins, it saves my right brain some effort. If I win, I get to continue on. It's a win-win situation, really, and I'd like to see some evaluation of my abilities.

[Fat Daddy]

Anyways, to be official, I would like AJ's entry to count. If he wins, it saves my right brain some effort. If I win, I get to continue on. It's a win-win situation, really, and I'd like to see some evaluation of my abilities.

I have no problem with this. averagejoe got confused about timezones. This happens. I would like to also say to Brickwall that I appreciate your sense of sportsmanship and competition! A cookie for you (I have a nice dark and white chocolate chip one for you from my daughter's pre-school fundraiser!).
Judges: please count averagejoe's entry and post judgments for Brickwall and averagejoe. Thank you.

[Dispozition]

Well...Expect me to do the next two judgings tomorrow, or maybe three if I have time...

[Angela]

DarkLightDragon ->

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36 decades=360 years… That’s impossible.

That isn't a typo The point of the story was that the narrator had lived for an exceedingly long time (early 1700's ("Darley Arabian") until some time in our not-too-distant future ("Mohammad-Ali Ramin")). 36 decades is about right...

Having said that - Tanon!!! Good luck in the next stage I really enjoyed your story...

[Yawielas]

Thank you very much for your comment, Fat Daddy! I'll work on my phrasing wether I win or not. I must blame my not-being-English-nor American-nor any other nationality with english as their first language, I guess;)

[Fat Daddy]

Thank you very much for your comment, Fat Daddy! I'll work on my phrasing wether I win or not. I must blame my not-being-English-nor American-nor any other nationality with english as their first language, I guess;)

*Looks left under Yawielas' avatar*
Norway...huh. Well all I can say is that your English is much better than my Norwegian (either Bokmal or Nynorsk, I can't speak or read either of them).
I am not the typical monolingual American though. I can speak German...well I can kind of speak German... a little.
Also check the first post, you are advancing. Gezina did not post a story so you win your bracket by default.

[DarkLightDragon]

DarkLightDragon ->

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That isn't a typo The point of the story was that the narrator had lived for an exceedingly long time (early 1700's ("Darley Arabian") until some time in our not-too-distant future ("Mohammad-Ali Ramin")). 36 decades is about right...

Having said that - Tanon!!! Good luck in the next stage I really enjoyed your story...

I sort-of understand...

Anyway, I was unable to juidge more entries today because I was unable to connect to the internet for most of it. Hopefully I can get the rest of them done soon.

[ZombieRockStar]

Comments on ZombieRockStar's story

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Hmmmm....well....where to begin? I enjoyed your entry. The mix of mediums was an interesting change of pace and it allowed you to showcase several of your talents. I liked the songs/poems and really thought they were the strength of your piece. You also incorporated the articles well.
That being said, I can't really offer an analysis of your entry. Mainly because I didn't understand it. I know that in that surrealistic adventure is a message/commentary but I am just not intelligent enough to get it. I think it is about the shallowness, waste and lack of meaning of modern society but I just can't get my head wrapped around it.
I liked your entry because it made me do a lot of thinking and researching to try and ferret out your message. I just wish I was of a mindset that I could have understood it better.

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Author's are notoriously poor interpreters of their own work, so don't take this as scripture, but let me try to sum up what I was thinking...The point of it is that there is no point. You say it yourself: lack of meaning in modern society. If you look at the Wikipedia entry for Underworld, it says that the novel was about fractured identity in postmodern America, so I tried to copy that over. And, to quote my own words: "Why do these things always have to make sense to you?" You could probably find all sorts of symbolic support for this that I likely wasn't thinking about when writing. (Damn you, Roland Barthes!!!)

Occam's Razor usually applies to literature as well as science. The Simplest explanation is usually the best one.

Very glad you liked it.

[Fat Daddy]

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Author's are notoriously poor interpreters of their own work, so don't take this as scripture, but let me try to sum up what I was thinking...The point of it is that there is no point. You say it yourself: lack of meaning in modern society. If you look at the Wikipedia entry for Underworld, it says that the novel was about fractured identity in postmodern America, so I tried to copy that over. And, to quote my own words: "Why do these things always have to make sense to you?" You could probably find all sorts of symbolic support for this that I likely wasn't thinking about when writing. (Damn you, Roland Barthes!!!)

Occam's Razor usually applies to literature as well as science. The Simplest explanation is usually the best one.

Very glad you liked it.

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So what you are saying is that I WAS smart enough to understand it...I was just not smart enough to understand that I understood it... With Underworld I researched enough to know that it was about fractured identity in postmodern America, I guess I just didn't take it as literally as you did in your entry. But now that you have explained it somewhat I can see that your entry had both literal and symbolic examples of our modern society's lack of a cohesive identity.
I hope you are happy. See what you people are doing to me? Marines don't talk like that. We're all, "Thog smash" and "Gimme a beer" I'm ruined! Ruined you hear!?
*Leaves to get a beer and a couple aspirin and maybe beat up a sensitive intellectual type...then remembers Yawielas' story and hangs his head in quiet desperation*

[TheSilverKnight]

comments on TheSilverKnight's story

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This is an ecclectic little story. I'll be honest, at first I thought your incorporation of the two articles was forced. But (if you'll excuse the football analogy) you took what appeared to be a fumble and just ran with it. I have to say, nice job on incorporating both your articles.
Both your characters were likeable if a little odd. Actually maybe that oddness is why I liked them. I could totally relate with Simon. Albeit, not so much with Monopoly, rather RPG's and Cons are my schtick but you know what I mean. Sal was a very funny character as well.
The main detractor for me was grammar. There were several sentences that should have either been broken into multiple sentences or at least had some commas inserted. For instance, "I mean come on I have never seen you lose and the competition you are going to tomorrow is just a bunch of new competition players and a few pros what do you have to fear?" In my opinion this is a runon sentence and is difficult to read. I would have preferred something like, "I mean come on! I have never seen you lose and the competition you are going to tomorrow is just a bunch of new competition players and a few pros. What do you have to fear?" I am not the 'grammar king' by any stretch but run-ons are hard for me to follow. (On a side note, I never understood why Melville is considered a great author. Anyone who has a sentence that goes for 3 pages is a hack if you ask me )
I liked the Karate Kid ending. That made me laugh. As did the Montage. Montage? Montage. scene. Overall, an enjoyable if offbeat story.

Thank You very much for your nice words. Yes I am aware of my run on problem. But it isn't as bad as it used to be. 2 or so years ago I had never used a comma and I recived the comment "HOLY RUN ON SENTENCE BATMAN!" more than once.

I'll work that out for round two. In one or two of those cases I couldn't think how to brake it up, with out getting rid of what I wanted to say. So I left it.

Edit: Also thought I would mention I showed it to a friend. His response was "Oh my God I love this story. Can I copy it and add it to my google pages?". I honestly didn't think it was that good. I did know however that it would cause some good laughs especially to people into that type of obvious humor that defies the norm. As a result of the posative views from you and my friend a am going to put it on my deviantart which I wasn't going to do. Just thought you would like to know.

Here is a link to it on deviantart. I have corrected all the errors in this version. If you are a member of DA I would appreciate your comments.

-TheSK-

[Ravyn]

Comments on Raven's story

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Good job incorporating your articles. You did a great job on the bird and Laughery was a difficult one to use given the posting venue. (I'm not going to apologize again though, I will 'filter' the articles better for round 2).
I really liked the imagery in your story. It generated a real sense of pristine nature and untamed wild things. You did a really good job on giving a sense of wonder to the interaction between 'civilized humanity' and 'untamed nature'. I liked the implication that with a little respect for one another they can co-exist in harmony...or maybe I am just reading too much into it.
I thought the character development decent. You developed the bird's character in a very natural and even fashion. I enjoyed watching its curiosity take it to interact with the concert. 'The girl' who was the main human character in the story was not developed as well. She didn't even have a name and this annoyed me a bit. We did get some insight into her with some of the thought processes that were shared but she just didn't 'come alive' in my opinion.
Anyway, I enjoyed this story. As I mentioned, I really liked the imagery you used.

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That's because the effect I was going for wasn't connecting with the character but the experience. It's a slice of time sort of thing... though the particulars are a gamelan performer and a hawk-eagle, the feel of it could happen to anyone, anywhere. (Something like it happened to me, but in my case it was pennywhistling up a blossoming cherry tree on a windy day. Not near as dramatic, though pretty in its own right.) She could be anyone--that's why she doesn't have a name, a face, or much of anything descriptive besides a rebab and a blue sarong.

Speaking of which, half the fun was my thought process when I first looked at the article. Bird from the region from which my favorite mode of performance comes from: What an opening!

Honored that you enjoyed it, though. (Not bad for someone who was expecting a PM, saw the brackets three days late, and turned the story in a day early due to timeshift issues, huh?)

[King_of_GRiffins]

Comments on King of GRiffons' story

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I am going to start out a little different with this one and get into what I didn't like before sharing what I did like. King, nothing kills a good story for me like randomly switching tenses. Your switching between present and past tense without any seeming rhyme or reason really made this story difficult to read. It totally destroyed the 'flow' of the story for me.
Okay, that's out of the way, on with the goodness.
I thought you did a good job incorporating your articles. I liked the soldiers taking refuge in the abandoned church. It may be a little cliche' but I prefer to think of it as a 'timeless classic'. It has always been a favorite image of mine. The 'lab in the glacier' was nice as well. A good use of the articles as location settings.
The body of the story was well written and read like a classic 'war movie' with a few little 'sci-fi' and 'superhero' extras thrown in. I really enjoyed the twisted ending of your little cynical post apocalyptic tale. Also, bravo to you for including a 'super' and never once revealing his powers. That was very nicely done and something I did not expect.
I liked this story even if the grammar problems interfered with my enjoyment of reading it.

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I agree. I was in spaz-mode and rushing. If I took the time to edit it some, the tense would be a bit more stable. Apologies to all who have to bear through that.
That out of the way, I wish I could have incorporated the two a bit more. Putting a bit more reflection and scene setting at the church would have been perfect, rather than bumping it all to a forced conversation in a cramped vehicle. If I did, though, I probally wouldn't be able to put it on these boards.. I would have also liked to contrast the glacier and the lab, just to get a better feel for it.
Anyway, glad you liked it, suffering and all.

[averagejoe]

Anyways, to be official, I would like AJ's entry to count. If he wins, it saves my right brain some effort. If I win, I get to continue on. It's a win-win situation, really, and I'd like to see some evaluation of my abilities.

Wow, thanks for that. I feel pretty much the same way you do about being eliminated, in that it wouldn't be a terrible thing, but I'm still very greatful for a second chance, and touched that you would say something. I really don't want to cheat on the deadline, as I realize it was completely my fault, but if no one has a problem with it then I'll go ahead and stay in. I just have to remember that the deadline's 9:00 over here.

[Brickwall]

By the way, if anyone makes a single comment about averagejoe's name when referencing how I fared in the competition to him, I will find your address, travel to your home, and personally kick your ass. Unless you live in Switzerland. If you live in Switzerland, I will call a contact there to kick your ass. No, I won't tell you any more details. It's supposed to be a secret.

[averagejoe]

Good point. I never really thought of that when I picked this name.

Comments on averagejoe's story

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Very nice story! Great incorporation of the articles! They were both integral to the story and flowed very nicely. One of the best uses of articles I've seen in the contest so far!
Excellent job on the character development. Kit had a real personality and was easy to identify with. You did a masterful job making the story suspenseful. I can't say enough about your ability to impart a sense of urgency to the reader. I wanted to get to the bottom of the memories as quickly as Kit did.
I really enjoyed this story. The urgency, suspense, character development and descriptions were all very solid. Also, I liked that you didn't identify who 'they' were. I was a little worried that it was going to end up being a trifle cliche' with the 'aliens planted false memories to cover their abduction thing'. By leaving it open, I think it not only made for a better ending but matched the lost, suspenseful mood of the story.
Excellent job.

That's good to hear, because it's pretty much exactly what I was going for. I actually did almost make her a robot, or something, but I did decide in the end that it would be a bit cliche. As it is, I'm not completely sure what happened. I'm glad to know that I made the right choice.

[Dispozition]

Well...I lied when I said I'd do the yesterday...I couldn't get on.

Cult of the Raven vs. Elvaris

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Cult of the Raven

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Rather a good story. The articles are incorporated into the story well, and it leaves the mind wondering. It seemed short, only 600-ish words, compared to some of the 2,000 ones so far, and that detracts a little from the story, but it’s still rather intriguing.
My only concern was length, other than that, very well written.

Elvaris

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I like the way that you’ve written this story, as an interview, and the way that it’s ended. Again, length seemed to be an issue, but as both stories were about the same length, no marks lost. The articles are incorporated well, and the story has a good air about it.
This story was a little short, in my opinion, but none-the-less, very good.

Verdict

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Well, both stories were a little short for my liking, but because of a lack of a lower word limit, that can’t be taken into marking to harshly. It was a little difficult to judge, but in the end, Elvaris came out the winner, well done.

Brickwall vs. Averagejoe

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Brickwall

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Okay. This story is a little strange, but very good. I’m surprised that it only took you an hour to complete, it seemed much more complex than that. While a little confusing, the idea of the stranger was rather good, and the way he fitted into the story worked very well.
All up, slightly confusing, but a good read.

Averagejoe

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First off…There is nothing average about this story (Sorry….I had too). I think this could be the best story that I’ve judged so far. If this were a full novel, I would be hard pushed to put it down. A few concerns though, the story takes a little while to get into. Although this isn’t bad, it can be annoying, and the ending was a little abrupt, if you’d have drawn it out a little bit more, it would have been better.
Aside from the ending, very little wrong with this story, well done.

Verdict

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Although it’s probably already clear, Averagejoe is the winner. His story was, in my opinion, better put together, and more detailed. Good work to brickwall though, you did very well as well.

TheSilverKinght (I know it's not necessary)

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I really shouldn’t be doing this, but it seems unfair if only some people are judged, and not everyone.
This story is fairly good. It has a good structure and the articles fit in nicely. I didn’t quite catch the karate kid reference, because I haven’t seen the movie. The rest of the story was good though. Well done.

Caillach vs. ZombieRockStar

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Caillach

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A good story right there, I especially like the part with explosions. The idea that America has become a closed in country is very intriguing. An underground book club is a good way to incorporate the articles into the story and keep the mind thinking.
A very good story, with a lot of thinking involved.

ZombieRockStar

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Well…Firstly…What in the world…
Now, with that out of the way, the story was actually quite good, just don’t do it again. It was somewhat confusing, but I like the inclusion of the bands and the poems throughout. I’m not totally sure what everything was doing in the end, you could improve on that quite a bit.

Verdict

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Well…With the completely different styles of writing, judging this was a mess…Both stories are very good, and both have distinguishing features. I have to say ZombieRockStar is the winner though.

Good work to everyone I've judged so far. I look foward to seeing the winners in the next round.

Expect the last few entries to be judged soon-ish.

[Brickwall]

Well, now to wait for the other judge. I have a feeling that I'll just be reading these stories from now on, but I am encouraged that the next round will be comprised of the better half of the writers.

[Bryn]

Amotis () vs. Z-Axis()
Z-Axis Advances

I believe the phrase is... squee?

To tell the truth, I can't believe I won. Amotis: great story. Good luck in the next competition!

[TheSilverKnight]

TheSilverKinght (I know it's not necessary)

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I really shouldn’t be doing this, but it seems unfair if only some people are judged, and not everyone.
This story is fairly good. It has a good structure and the articles fit in nicely. I didn’t quite catch the karate kid reference, because I haven’t seen the movie. The rest of the story was good though. Well done.

Thanks any way I was hoping that I would get judged even though I advance by default. And since you don't get the refrence just imagine any cheezzy 80's movie with a montage and replace Song, Artist, and movie title accordingly and it becomes instant humor.