Help Writing the Company Newsletter (Mutants and Masterminds)

[BRC]

So I'm running a game of Mutants and Masterminds, fairly standard Superhero setting (Society manages to resemble the modern world despite the presence of Mutants, mad scientists with Sci-fi tech, aliens, psychics, and magic). One of my Players is a member of something called The Agency (If it's actual name is said, everybody without proper security clearance just hears nothing. The character is simply known as Agent [REDACTED]).

This is basically a fusion of Majestic-12, The SCP foundation, CADMUS, and the Umbrella Corporation.
Either way, for the first session I wrote up the Agency Newsletter, which included some information relevant to the session, but mainly random funny stuff.

I want more ideas.

Here was the first Newsletter.

Spoiler

Show

Agent [REDACTED]| Clearance Level Avocado Mauve| Thought of the Day: We Protect The World From Itself| Happy Birthday to Director [REDACTED]| 30 Days since last Mecha-Lincoln Related Incident
Congratulations to Our Agent of the Month! [REDACTED] For his and/or Her work on [REDACTED]. [REDACTED] will never be the same.
James Smelvin AkA “Smiling Jim” has been sighted in Justice City. All Local Agents to be on alert.
Satellite XV-18, responsible for monitoring and coordinating our global network of Blacksite Level Prisons has reported several hacking attempts originating from within The Agency Network.
Dr. [REDACTED] from Agency HQ would like to remind all agents to be vaccinated against Virus XV-13. It remains contained, but it’s learning. Related Bulletin: Agents are prohibited from playing cards with Virus XV-13.
Super Being#145 AKA ManOWar has begun regrowing his Goatee. Psychological Division is working on the implications.
Facility #16 Reports that it’s AI-Controlled Hard Light Hologram program is a success.
Agent [REDACTED] has gone rogue, terminate them on sight.
Agent [REDACTED] has also gone rogue, stealing several Cloaking devices from lockup. Terminate them on hearing.
Calamity University is announcing a Hi-Speed Uplink Prototype being developed by it’s Advanced Sciences Division. Stay Alert for Super villain threats.
We believe we have identified the power source of Super Being #812 AKA “Sylph”. Previously believed to be a Psychic Telekinetic, we now believe her to be a Sorceress utilizing Kinetomancy.
Team Swordfish Reports they have captured Super Being #632 AKA “ChainRipper” and have initiated EtchA Protocol.
Our Physics department reports three more suicides. Remember: Counseling is Mandatory for all Agents with a high-school level education in physics.

We have been receiving a rash of Rogue Agent incidents. Remember, if you feel like going rogue, you too have a Trigger Phrase, and we know it.

[Sith_Happens]

Needs more details about [REDACTED]. But then again, Agent [REDACTED]'s clearance might not be high enough to get that version of the newsletter.

[Grod_The_Giant]

I don't have any ideas, but this is fantastic and now I have to clean soda off my monitor again.

[Beleriphon]

I have some ideas.

Agent [REDACTED]'s home during the interagency softball game against Area 51's science team won last week's game. Please avoid all contact with Agent [REDACTED] until further notice.

Mecha-Lincoln sightings are at all time low. Director [REDACTED] would like to thank all of you for your continuing hard work.