Beyond the Horizon IC (3.5)

[SamBurke]

James slams his book shut with a resounding thud, and slips it into the messenger bag at his side. He looks to each of his allies, head turning upward, chest puffing out in pride. They are glorious, each of them, and they were the crew he was about to adventure alongside. Yes. Yes! All was good. "I've always wanted to die horribly at the hands of angels."

He runs to the front of the ship, and whorls a weighted length of chain, and throws it deep into the water. "No bottom with the main line!"

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ProfessionPirate - (1d20+10)[14]

[Golden Ladybug]

"Yes Pandora, try to keep up" Chess replied dismissively, no longer caring about the consent of her Crew; some of them had agreed, and that was enough! Especially since she was the Captain. Her word was law, or somesuch. She really hadn't paid much attention in the orientation briefing...

"OLIVER!" She shouts at the hapless Skeleton, wishing that she had a cape so that it could flow dramatically in the... calm, lack of breeze, "You have our heading! Set course for the Planar Whirlpool we just discovered the location of in by recklessly destroying a box we took from a Boat stocked with wicker furniture!"

Her Captain-y Proclamation duties completed, she watched as her highly trained and confused Skeletons went about their duties.

She had a feeling that she was forgetting something...

[OMG PONIES]

The crew sets to work in a way that almost made them feel nautical...almost. Wu Xin raises the sails like prayers to the sky, and a small wind picks catches them and pulls them taut; it seems her prayers have been answered. James drops anchor to allow the ship to pivot in place and head for the X on the map. Even Pandora feels her way to one of the lines and lets it slack as needed. Graelyn busily stumbles about the deck, but his inebriation makes it difficult to do much but find places to steady himself. Chess (doing her best to play the role of captain) barks commands at everyone else on board. Luckily she had a handful of skeletons that had been properly trained as sailors; it helped to cover the fact that she hadn't been.

She consults the map they had just found and tries to set a course for the vortex. However, the task is quite difficult, even when she asks [barks at] her crew for help. Usually in port there were others to help them read the maps. With a little bit of work and a lot of luck (thanks to Wu Xin and her method of pointing a random direction at the horizon and shouting about fruit until they obliged), they're able to pick up the proper course. The beautiful lines of their wingship cut through the water like a heated blade through butter, and they reach the edge of the vortex in no time. They don't encounter any trouble on the seas, but once they get to the Vortex the trouble is the sea itself. The water churns in a wide whirlpool that drops down in the middle; the Unicorn feels herself being pulled toward another world. Rather than the rotation of regular portals (which whirl to the right), the foaming waters of this vortex spin in the opposite direction, reminding the crew of the old sailor's adage: "Whirls to the right, sailor's delight; whirls to the left, may leave your lady bereft." As they draw near, the boat begins to founder. Luckily, James is able to dash across the deck and pick up a cross breeze to counterbalance the weight of the ship.

As they draw nearer, the crew is surprised that they don't feel fear. Their ability to handle the Unicorn instills them with confidence even as she bucks and brays amid the waters of the bridge between worlds. Gazing into the vortex, they see a watercolor depiction of perfection: sapphire blue waters and aquamarine skies. Pandora notices that instead of a foul, salty sea breeze, the scentlessness of clean water mingles with a slight perfume of vanilla emanating from their destination. As they draw near, even the waters around them take on the same rich blue color, and they start to quiet toward the center of the vortex. The harsh bite of the noonday sun is gone, replaced instead by the warm hug of an Elysium breeze. None can explain it, but as the bow of the ship starts to dip toward the middle, each and every person on deck swears they can taste chocolate chip cookies--even the skeletons. The ship yawns loudly as they approach the point of no return, but given what they're experiencing why would anyone turn their back on this beautiful place?

(1d100)[75]
Prof Sailor Wu - (1d20+11)[19] taking 10 yields success
Prof Sailor James - (1d20+14)[17] taking 10 yields success
Prof Sailor Graelyn - (1d20+6)[18]

[boldfont]

Her skin tingles with a warm delight, the same way she feels when snuggling anything cute and soft like her kitten. Only this was like taking a bath in a tub full of declawed kittens! Her lip quivers and tears of joy fall freely from her cheeks. Wu Xin gasps when the taste of chocolate chip cookies fills her mouth with saliva. Oh happy day! For the first time in her life she approaches something close to gastronomical satiation.

Wonderpul...

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I'm not entirely sure of the choice facing us. Go through or pull out? This is a vote for go through.

[al'Lan Mandrag]

The swirling vortex caused the ship to lurch beneath them, and Graelyn's stomach did a couple of somersaults, whilst Graelyn's already unsettled vision wobbled madly.
"Better get this over with," Graelyn stated, lacking his previous enthusiasm, but Kackaw rather made up for it with hearty cry.

[Golden Ladybug]

Tasting the chocolate air, smelling the vanilla air and looking down into the golden vortex of heavenly perfection, Chesire Malice shrugged. She'd seen better.

"Eh, I guess its okay" She admitted, anchoring her feet to the deck with her own fell powers as the Dirty Unicorn passed through the portal.

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No complaints about continuing through the portal from here...

Although, considering what I know about Elysium and its "Never Leave, Ever!" traits, I might have Chess roll a Knowledge check to see if she knows that.

(1d20+8)[26]

[SamBurke]

"Deeper! Deeper! As the old sage Jitherton Jitherson said, "What lies below trumps any thought of safety above!' And oh how true it was!" James leaps to the bow, leaning on his twin scimitars and gazing into the pits of joy.

[OMG PONIES]

Ch. 2: The Golden Apple

For all the noise the ship makes, sailing into the vortex is fairly straightforward. The crew begins to wonder what all the fuss about vortexes is truly about; they don't seem too bad. Then, the world turns sideways. As they crest the edge of the vortex, there's a brief howling sound followed by a pop, and the entire crew is deafened for a moment. The brighter sun of Elysium stings at their eyes, and they find themselves flipping around the deck like bumblebees in a jar being shaken by a malicious child. Most of them are able to hold on tight, even grabbing the ropes and nets around the Unicorn. Surprisingly, they manage to keep the ship aright as increasingly tall waves lick the edges of the deck. Today, those on the Unicorn were true sailors.

As the crew regains their hearing and their bearings, they find themselves straightened out and in another world. The crew finds themselves at the source of a mighty river, known to all planar pirates as the mighty River Oceanus that weaves together the beautiful layers of Elysium. The river begins here, in a mighty geyser on the layer known as Amoria. As the ship rocks gently from its momentum in coming through the vortex, sprays of water from the geyser Oceanus burst through the air around them in every direction. The fine mist catches the light of the sun and reflects a cloak of a thousand rainbows that wrap around the ship in every direction. Even as the rainbows evaporate into the air, the myriad of colors persists in the scenic vista surrounding them. Along every bank, brilliant green meadows are punctuated with bursts of flowering plants, pools and tributaries form that are littered with all manners of exotic fish, and marshmallow clouds float by every so often in the picturesque sky. There is a pervading feeling of peace that soaks the skin, and for a moment the crew almost forgets how mad they are at Arnold Fitz and the other vagabonds aboard the SS Irontooth. Almost.

The size of the river varies as they sail, and many islands and rocky promontories jut out along the way, but it is smooth sailing. The current itself carries the ship forward at a respectable clip, and this allows the crew to make a beeline for the apple orchard that was supposed to be their first stop. As they soar down the river with the gentle breeze in their hair and the comfortable bobbing feeling of cutting through the water with a purpose, everyone on board can't help but agree: this is what sailing is supposed to feel like. Between the crystal-clear waters and the vistas surrounding them, the crew wonders why they'd ever want to head back to the monotony of the Material.

@Chess (or Knowledge Planes DC 20 to open):

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You have heard many tales of planar sailors who leave home for Elysium, never to be seen or heard again. However, rather than being cautionary stories of the sea, these tales are about the plane itself. There's another name for Elysium among the savvy: the Smiling Spider's Silk. The plane invites you in, wrapping its tendrils around you all the while. Left unchecked, you may find yourself unwilling or unable to leave. They'd best get the job done and get out fast.

The crew pulls in and docks easily on an inviting shoreline. The orchard is clearly visible a few hundred yards inland, and its apples shine with an auric yellow luster. The gentle breeze carries harp music in their direction. As they disembark and make their way to the orchard, the crew is hailed by two twin creatures--the source of the harp music. The twins are gigantic in size, standing over 7 feet tall even with their serpentine halves coiled below them. They speak in perfect unison, and the stereo sound is like the chiming of handbells.

Knowledge (planes) DC 17 to open:

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These creatures are lillends, outsiders that are generally peaceful. However, if they believe you have harmed or intend harm to a favored piece of art or other exhibit of beauty, they will take swift action. On their home plane of Ysgard, they do not tolerate the destruction of art or the ill treatment of artists.

Lillends also have a great love of unspoiled wilderness. The wilds remind them of the natural beauty of their home plan. A lillend is as protective of its chosen wilderness as it is of the arts. Sometimes a covey of lillends adopts a tract of wilderness, using any means necessary to drive off despoilers.

In combat, they use their spells and spell-like abilities to confuse and weaken opponents before entering combat, at which point they bring their serpentine halves to bear in order to squeeze the life out of foes. A typical lillend's coils are 20 feet long, and the creatures weigh around 3,800 pounds.

"Greetings, travellers," they practically sing, "welcome to the King's Orchards. What brings you here? Rest here as long as you like; we ask only that you leave the orchards as they are." The creatures beam at you with the untarnished smiles of pure good.

[boldfont]

"Greetings, travellers," they practically sing, "welcome to the King's Orchards. What brings you here? Rest here as long as you like; we ask only that you leave the orchards as they are."

They needed the fruits, but the flying snake ladies were not going to let them have the fruits. Being pirates the crew of the Dirty Unicorn were familiar with the situation. They would either try and talk their way through, steal the fruit while the harp toting snake ladies were distracted, or beat the living crap out of the snake ladies. Often the crew tried all three in that order. Chess was the boss lady and so she would decide. If they chose the second option, Chess would signal Wu by making irrelevant small talk which actually meant "Go get that thing we want while I keep these bozos busy". These codes and signals were well rehearsed. Ever since the famous "beat the crap out of the diplomat we were trying to impress incident" last year on the elemental plane of air, Chess insisted that her crew practice these types of scenarios regularly.

She observed Chess closely for her secret orders while Kitten purred in her hands.

[freyathefairy]

"Greetings, travellers," they practically sing, "welcome to the King's Orchards. What brings you here? Rest here as long as you like; we ask only that you leave the orchards as they are."

"Oh great" mutters Pandora "There goes plan 'get in, get out'. Now what?"

"Maybe we could distract whatever it was, or we could charge in..." she thinks.

[Golden Ladybug]

"Oh, you know, nothing much" Chess replied, disembarking the ship with a casual shrug. She gestured for her contingent of Skeletons to follow, wary of the threat the Winged Snake Ladies posed.

They were getting those bloody apples. They'd had to come all the way to Elysium for those apples, and she already hated it here. Everything made her so happy. What sort of Plane has to do something like that? Shady, if you asked her.

"We were just in the Neighberhood, you know, feeling a little wistful" She elaborates, casually twirling her hands around in a rather complicated but obviously meaningless code that would send Wu Xin scurrying off into the Orchard to collect the apples. You know, if they were going to do that. Which they totally weren't, you creepy Snake Twins! How dare you even accuse us of such a thing, silent mental projections of real life creatures that haven't actually responded yet.

Chess twitches a little, the dark bags under her eyes clearly visible.

"So, we decided to stop by here in Elysium, see the sights. I've heard its nice this time of year, ya' know?" She continues, twirling around on the spot. The split second she was opposite her audience, she mouths "surround them" to her congregated Skeletons.

"But, at the moment, its just kind of pleasant. Not what we were led to believe, you know?" Chess sighs, shrugging her shoulders and walking forward a few steps as her Skeleton fan out, "I wonder if we're just in the wrong place, or maybe I was misinformed and this is the Off Season or something"

"So, think you guys could help us? Maybe give us directions, or a few tips even? I've got a Map on board, maybe you can point out some choice spots? It'll only take a minute"

The grin that earnt Chesire Malice her name graces her face, as the Skeletons (Tricornne hats and all) box in the Lillends. They could fly, of course, but Chess hoped it was still passive agressively threatening. If they could get the Lillends onto the Dirty Unicorn, Wu Xin would have pleeeeently of time to nip into the Orchard, pinch a few arrows, and they could be out before they were all mind-raped by this place into being happy little bunny rabbits.

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Knowledge (Planes) (1d20+8)[18]
Diplomacy, too, because that might be necessary (1d20+13)[30]

[al'Lan Mandrag]

Noting Chess's plan, Graelyn made a great deal of noise and then promptly fell over, to all intents and purposes, having passed out from drink. But as his face was turned away from the snake women, he grinned cunningly. Hiding his hand movements as best he could, he silently projected an illusory image of himself asleep, exactly where he lay, a copy of himself that made a few grunts and snores.
With only a few seconds before that image would vanish, Graelyn continued his magic, and cast a spell of invisibility, his real form vanishing. Just as the copy of himself was about to fail, he reconjured it, holding the noiseless image of himself asleep.

Grinning happily, he headed towards the orchard.

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Bluff: (1d20+13)[28]

Cast Minor Image: Silent Spell (makes it level 3). Use conceal spell casting skill trick to hide somatic components: Sleight of Hand (1d20+16)[18]. Cast invisibility. Silent Spell (makes it level 3). Use conceal spellcasting to hide somatic components: (1d20+16)[33]
Cast minor image (silent spell makes it a level 2 spell), concentrate to maintain image of Graelyn asleep.

[boldfont]

Okay 감사합니다! (*Thank you) I will lelaxing. You are wery kind. Wu says bowing respectfully. She runs on board to grab her hammock, blanket, picnic basket and a romance novel and skips out to the orchard. She will set these things up among the trees, grabbing Pandora and whoever else wants to join in the rouse while the good Captain keeps the snake ladies occupied. If they look her way she cracks a big smile and blows them a kiss. When they don't look her way, she uses sleight of hand to fill the hammock, blanket, and picnic basket with sweet heavenly fruit. She and her friends form an assembly line with pickers, palmers, and someone who constantly goes back to the ship to "get more wine". Graelyn, for the sake of harmonizing these beautiful plans, executes his faux sleep on the picnic blanket.

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Sleight of hand, using my more luck than skill bonus (+6) to pull off one of the slickest most Coordinated thefts in all of awesomeness! Let's do this!
(1d20+20)[23]

Edit: and this is why I chose a class that lets me manipulate rolls.

[OMG PONIES]

"Absolutely," the lillends coo, "We'd be happy to help you. However, there are no 'choice' locations in Elysium; every beautiful inch is as magnificent as those around it. I suppose it depends which type of beauty resonates with your soul the most. Which of your senses would you prefer to satiate fully?"

As Graelyn "passes out" on the ground in front of them, the lillend on the left simply chuckles and shakes her head. "Seems like at least one of them is already 'fully satiated,' sister," she says to the other. The lillend on the right, however, narrows her eyes to slits and examines the man's sleeping form. She mutters something to her sister in the heavenly, bell-like language of the angels.

Celestial speakers only:

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"While this man smells like he's definitely drunk, he's certainly not sleeping. What's more, he's casting a spell. There may be trickery afoot, but he may just be a prankster. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt. Not like there's anything left for them to take..."

As Wu Xin elatedly shouts about relaxing, both lillends come to suspect that she'll be doing anything but. Luckily, Chess keeps their attention distracted long enough that Wu Xin and any who wish to go with her can nip off into the orchard. Though the lillends would normally be sharp enough to spot any potential thieves, the distraction serves its purpose.

When Wu Xin comes to a beautiful tree rife with golden apples, she can't help but lick her lips--it's almost a reflex as her taste buds anticipate how delicious these fruits would be. Perhaps she could test one now? Just to make sure they're what the chef wanted, of course. As she reaches up to grab the apple, she realizes something. She couldn't put her finger on exactly what was wrong, but something about the apple felt not quite like an apple. The rustling of leaves in the trees sounded too tinny to be real, and the smell of the orchard was entirely too sweet. As they turn back to the lillends, the twin creatures seem...embarrassed?

Sense Motive DC 20 to open:

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The lillends blush a beautiful, deep red. You get the hunch that the orchard wasn't this way until very recently; something horrible for which the lillends feel personally responsible. It seems like they've tried to cover up the scene with a hasty solution.

One by one, the others begin to notice that the orchard is not as it seems, either--all but Graelyn, that is. For his part, he sees an impressionist's rendition of his friends and the beautiful scene around them. He hears the pulsing and swishing of his own blood through the vessels in his head, causing a brutal headache that could only be solved by more rum. The only thing he smells is the sweet stench of drink. The others though, begin to see the fields for what they really are, and one of them points it out to the boozehound. The illusion falls like a silk sheet off a clothesline. The grass and sky are still beautiful, but there is a sad emptiness in the rest of the scene. Where mighty trees once stood, there are nothing but stumps as far as the eye can see. Where the smell of apples filled the air, there was now only the aroma of chopped wood. Most damningly, where the leaves once rustled, there was nothing but the wind whispering to them, you've failed. It seemed someone else had already been there.

Spellcraft DC 19 to open:

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The image of the beautiful orchard is actually Hallucinatory Terrain.

Rolls:

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Chess Bluff - (1d20+18)[34] since "we were in the neighborhood" is a bit of a stretch.
Lillend 1 Sense Motive Chess - (1d20+13)[31]
Lillend 2 Sense Motive Chess - (1d20+13)[16]
Lillend 1 Sense Motive Graelyn - (1d20+13)[25]
Lillend 2 Sense Motive Graelyn - (1d20+13)[28]
Lillend 1 Spot Graelyn 1 - (1d20+13)[16]
Lillend 2 Spot Graelyn 1 - (1d20+13)[30]
Lillend 1 Spot Graelyn 2 - (1d20+13)[16]
Lillend 2 Spot Graelyn 2 - (1d20+13)[31]
bluff Wu Xin - (1d20+2)[13]
Lillend 1 Sense Motive Wu Xin - (1d20+13)[15]
Lillend 2 Sense Motive Wu Xin - (1d20+13)[23]
Lillend 1 Spot Wu Xin - (1d20+13)[25]
Lillend 2 Spot Wu Xin - (1d20+13)[16]

Will Saves (DC 18):
Chess - (1d20+7)[27]
Wu Xin - (1d20+6)[25]
James - (1d20+7)[21]
Graelyn - (1d20+7)[12]
Pandora - (1d20+12)[19]

[Golden Ladybug]

Casually listening in to the Lillend's Celestial aside, Chess freezes.

No... You've GOT to be kidding She thinks to herself, looking at the two Snake-Ladies in utter shock. There was no way, right? How the hell could they have been beaten here, and lost the entire haul!?

The Illusion breaking down was more than confirmation enough, and Chesire Malice's entire being was consumed with anger.

"How in the Nine Hells did you let this happen, you stupid Snakes?!" she shouts, hands crackling with a dark miasma, "Aren't you supposed to be guarding this? And it wasn't even us who stole it from you! Oh no, better drop the ball and let Arnold Freakin' Fitz steal your entire thrice-damned Orchard! We weren't going to take the whole thing!"

Chess pauses for a moment, considers this and eventually decides that yes, they wouldn't have taken the whole Orchard. That would be impractical.

Aren't we supposed to be the Underdogs, hm? Aren't we supposed to win out in the end? So WHY! THE! HECK! DOES! THIS! KEEP! HAPPENING!

Chess discharges the Miasma's of energy at the ground, before walking over and kicking one of her Skeletons. That kind of hurt.

[SamBurke]

James groans. "Well, now it is time to be on our way, isn't it? Unless, of course, you two failures can tell us where a massive ship sporting a ten-foot-tall mass of square flubber went?"

He kicks one of the dead trees, and grabs a handful of the grass. "Maybe this will be good... for something."

[boldfont]

Wu shared Chess's frustration. Perhaps a little too much sharing actually. When she raised that perfectly pilfered ruby red apple of desire to her lips and prepared to take a bite of heavenly fruitiness, but instead set her mouth into naught but air, she was disappointed to say the least. She opened her eyes to an illusion that no longer held. Just her, her friends, and an empty fine wicker picnic basket on a hill of stumps.

What followed was a temper tantrum that was more befitting of a toddler than a ninety-nine year old elf from the Astral Monastery of the Gentle Moon.

She screamed and pulled at her own hair. In a wild hissy fit she stomped her foot through the wicker basket, and then became even more frustrated when it refused to dislodge from her boot. After some wild a furious shaking it flew off. She ran up and kicked the broken basket twice, threw it in the air, and then amateurishly batted it with her katana with no apparent use of skill or training. She then stormed past Pandora, shoving the blind woman and causing her to trip over a stump and fall on the ground. She screamed foreign obscenities not fit to be printed here. Frothing at the mouth and screaming bloody murder in completely inarticulate mix of asianese and common she made her way to the ship where she started to take out her anger on wicker furnishings. She gave a wonderful garden chair the most hackneyed and savage chop with her sword followed by more swearing and some smashing and the tossing overboard of stools and loveseats. She tossed one of Graelyn's empties as far as she could before finally crumpling into a helpless ball of tears and hunger.

Here are some of the phrases that the crew and snake ladies could make out during this episode:
No Fruits? 왜? 어떤 과일이 없다? *EXPLICIT* 난 배고파하면 뱀 놈들! Hungry! .... Who dide tis? *EXPLICIT* ... FRUITS! ... *SCREAMING* ... Arlonrld? ****ing ARLONRLD???!?!?! *EXPLICIT* 나는 그를 죽일거야! 나는 불 만 블레이드와 그의 눈을 밖으로 찌를 것이다. 나는 그의 영혼을 먹을 것이다! HELL로 이동! 나는 당신의 사과가 꽉 바랍니다! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! *VERY EXPLICIT*

Needless to say, Wu was not used to bad strokes of luck or going hungry. On the positive side, Chess knew that when Wu Xi got like this all she needed to do was point and Wu would be properly motivated to kill.

[al'Lan Mandrag]

Graelyn's cunning knew almost no limit and he almost giggled to himself as he slipped past the Lillends, who he knew were definitely ignorant of his deception. Strolling among the trees he cackled quietly as he stuffed apple after apple into his bag, the happiness he felt making everything he carried feel weightless.

It was only halfway through Wu Xin's rant when her flailing arm threw a chunk of wicker at the invisible elf that he looked up. The trees were gone.

The trees were gone AND he'd wasted much of his magic deceiving some snake ladies! "YOU STUPID BIMBOS COULDN'T EVEN PROTECT YOUR APPLES. WHAT EVEN IS THE POINT OF YOU?"

Slamming down on one of the tree trunks, it all became clear to Graelyn: they had lost, once again. It was time for a drink.

[SamBurke]

James shakes his head. "Guys, maybe we should just turn back. I mean, we are trying to steal a piece of Paradise from heaven itself... isn't that just a bit EVIL?" He shrugs both shoulders, pushing back his loose, flowy desert robes. "Maybe we could go after the Irontooth, and claim a reward from Elysium for our good deeds?"

[OMG PONIES]

The twin lillends coil in upon themselves like dogs who know they have dirtied a new rug as the crew of the Unicorn berates them in unison. As Wu Xin storms back onboard, they relax their tightly wound selves a bit, glad that the destruction and profanity has put itself out of stabbing distance from them.

"It is true that we have failed," they state matter-of-factly, "But the King shall have mercy. While he is just, he is above all good. He knows that our failure was accidental. A cunning man with a square jaw and a broad smile came on these shores not long ago. He offered us a spot of tea, after which the world faded from view...perhaps it was an herbal brew to aid sleeping? When we awoke, the trees were gone." they both nodded to each other. These creatures of pure good were at a loss to define further what had happened to them.

Sense Motive DC 10 to open:

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The lillends are telling the truth--or at least as much of it as they know. In their infinitely innocent lexicon of nobility and good, there is no space for things like slipping someone a mickey or thievery. From the sound of it, though, that's precisely what happened.

Chess barely hears their explanation, she's so busy fuming at her former flame and his dastardly crew. Her questions go unanswered for a lingering awkward moment, and her shouts echo across the empty space that was once the King's Orchard.

Aren't we supposed to be the Underdogs, hm? Aren't we supposed to win out in the end? So WHY! THE! HECK! DOES! THIS! KEEP! HAPPENING!

The lillends look at the ground in silence. Kicking her skeleton has no impact on the undead creature; its thick bones absorb the blow, leaving the captain with a stubbed toe in addition to her growing rage. Adding insult to injury, the shrewder of the two lillends chooses this instant to speak up. The creature uncoils her top half and moves it close to Chess. This time, however, she keeps her body low to the ground. The end result is that, rather than towering over the Captain, she stays at eye level with the warlock. When she speaks, her voice is slow and even--calming and maternal, even:

Celestial speakers only:

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"You seemed to understand me earlier, which means you have the tongue of angels. Why, then, do you choose to walk in the footsteps of devils? Underdogs win in the end only if their aims are good, because good always triumphs. Only when you learn that will you bask in the glow of victory."

Spellcraft DC 17 to open:

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The lillend has cast Detect Thoughts.

@Chess:

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You feel a gentle quaver, as if someone has dipped a toe into your stream of consciousness. However, the metaphysical toe is instantly withdrawn, as if the waters were too cold for the potential swimmer to stand going in any deeper.

Back on board the Unicorn, the clattering din of smashed woven wood and shattered glass continues unabated. Graelyn responds to the problem the only way he knows how--by uncorking another bottle and leaving the blind battle nurse to stagger back to her own two feet. The second lillend rises as if to admonish James against touching the blades of grass he grabs, but sinks back down as she thinks better of the idea. At the scholar's suggestion, though, she perks up.

"Maybe we could go after the Irontooth, and claim a reward from Elysium for our good deeds?"

"Impure motives aside," she muses while her twin keeps a fixed gaze on Chess, "Any action taken to right this wrong would be much appreciated. Further, since the apples have already been taken from the Orchard, we may be able to talk the King into parting with one as a 'finder's fee' for reclaiming the others."

The first lillend finally breaks her stare with Chess, turning to shoot daggers at the lillend currently talking. When she pipes up, it is in the chiming, bell-like language of the angels once more.

Celestial speakers only:

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"Sister, to know their intent and be complicit would be lawlessness! You know the King has decreed that none shall eat--"

The second lillend holds up a hand to silence the first, and continues: "The king has many druids in his court that could repair the Orchards given enough of the crop was returned. The River Oceanus flows but one way; those who have stolen from the King can be found further downstream. Ask yourself, though: are you chasing the apples or their thieves, justice or vengeance? I must warn you: much like the tides of Elysium, you'll find that revenge also has its own entrapping current. Steer clear before it is too late. Be wary, be brave, but above all, be good."

Rolls:

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Chess Will - (1d20+7)[23]

[al'Lan Mandrag]

Graelyn was just standing again after dodging a flying piece of wicker, when he saw one of the snakey girls twiddling her thumbs awfully suspiciously. He wandered behind Chess and whispered: "Er, Cap'n, sir, they're trying to read your mind." Graelyn then wondered back to the ship, oblivious of how his being invisible might have affected Chess.

Back on board, and with rum in hand he became visible again, and stared over the railing, listening as the Lillends continued to jabber. This job didn't sound like it was getting any easier: going up against Arnold Fitz would be tough, though a job the crew would relish. What worried Graelyn were the parameters: being wary was fine, the number of hazards they navigated had taught them that early, being brave wasn't a challenge either: it had gotten them into most of those scrapes. But being good... Now there things were going to get sticky...

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Wu Xin has finished her temper tantrum and is ready to sail. She rings the "all hands on deck" bell that "Only the Captain is supposed to ring" which Chess has reminded her many times. She chooses not to understand. She rings the bell incessantly until her fearless Captain and crewmates board the ship to give chase. She is "starving" (she has never actually gotten even close to starving) and everything here reminds her how awesome food is without the actually pleasure of eating said food. She was going to eat god damn it! This happily coincided with the rest of the crew's more lofty goal of completing the mission and defeating their rivals at last.

[OMG PONIES]

Chess was furious--or, to be accurate, more furious than usual. To start off, they had been swindled. To add insult to injury, they had been swindled by Fitz and his crew. Now, to top things off, snake angels were trying to poke around in her brain. She got face-to-face with one of the lillends, her anger eclipsing all semblance of reason or desire not to get crushed to death. Wagging a finger so close as to strike the creature on the nose, Chess fumed "Listen, sister, nobody thinks my thoughts but me! You GOT that?!"

The captain turns on her heel to head back on board and thinks about kicking one of her skeletons once more for effect. However, the throbbing in her big toe from her previous effort persuades her otherwise. Satisfied that she has made her point (and a good show of it), Chess climbs back on board, followed by her crew of unholy bony puppy-creatures. Lacking a suitable outlet for her anger, she decides to take it out on Wu Xin and her insolent ringing of the bell. Unfortunately for Chess, Wu doesn't hear a word as the captain's ranting is drowned out by the rumbling of her own stomach. Once Chess has satisfied her appetite for tongue-lashing, the crew sets sail down the River once more.

Finding that bastard Fitz and his crew shouldn't be too difficult; the lillends confirmed that the River Oceanus flows straight through the layers of the plane. It starts here on Amoria, winds through the peaks of Eronia, and trickles through the bogs of Belierin before emptying into the ocean of Thalasia, which is full of portals and vortexes all its own. It was a simple matter of letting the waves carry you...or at least, so it seemed.

As the crew came to the edge of Amoria, the river titled rapidly downhill. It wound about the first mountain's peak like the coils of the lillends they had just met; whitewater rapids added to their downward momentum to make for a rocky ride. The air chills and thins out, causing a fierce wind to replace the gentle breeze. You didn't have to be an experienced sailor to know that a storm was brewing. Once again, everything on Elysium was more intense than its material counterpart--even the storms. Tiny daggers of rain exploded from ink-black clouds, peppering the crew and the decks of the Dirty Unicorn. Thunder rumbled like a timpani drum's response to Wu Xin's stomach, and cracks of white light tore through the sky. Pandora can smell the burnt ozone left behind in anticipation of each roar of thunder she hears. As if erupting into applause at such a display of nature's might, the waters of the river began to rock and clap against each other.

"Lash the pull rig!" Chess called out in her best attempt to sound like a sailor. "Sheets in and ropes out, bear down on the left--er, starboard. Damn, I mean port side!" The rest of the crew has little time to correct her, as they rush to the work of making sure they can keep a handle on the ship. As they fight against the raging storm, the crew sees that the beautiful shores of Amoria are gone, replaced with equally impressive crags and cliffs. Capsizing here would mean more than getting wet; it would most likely mean getting dashed to beautiful bits.

Important OOC instructions before posting IC

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Wu Xin genuinely strains to hear what Chess is trying to tell her over the din of the clanging bell. Naturally, if she were to stop ringing the bell if would be an easy matter; Chess was only five feet away. The thought did not even occur to Wu Xin. Instead, Wu thought that the Captain was being awful rude and should probably make a better effort to speak over her bell ringing. When Chess stormed off furiously, Wu Xin got the message loud and clear. They were to set sail immediately and Wu had done a good job by summoning the crew.

Wu takes to the mast and riggings. She and some skeletons weigh anchor and then take their posts. Wu Xin takes a deep drink from the scuttle-butt to take her mind off of her hunger and then focuses her energy on finding those apples... to eat.

The waters start off choppy but quickly become hazardous. The ship starts to pitch when it spirals around the mountain and it falls on Ensign Wu to keep the rudder and sails from buckling. She feels the storm intensify in her sea leg and realizes that keeping the ship straight may be a very difficult task. She stops to order one of the skeleton crew. It stares at her dumbly. Then Wu squints her eyes and moves in to examine this skeleton closer. It was the same dumb bag of bones that ruined her fish, she was sure of it! So she yanks off its tri-corner hat and plops it on her own crown.

Yooo... you ah pired! Go to a kitchen and rearn to cooking! Satisfied that the skeleton is sufficiently berated she does the job herself.

Spoiler

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Sailor (hardest) (1d20+18)[30] 7 Ranks + 5 hat + 6 once per day luck bonus.
Balance (1d20+12)[22]

[SamBurke]

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Balance - (1d20+9)[14]
Sailing - (1d20+10)[29] I'll take the medium-hard one.
EDIT: With a Plus NINE. Wow. But hey, I still managed to get some sailing done!

James is a moment late to the deck, and has a problem with his standing for a few minutes. First the boat moves thaaaaaaat way, and he falls.

Then, it spins wildly thiiiiiiiiis way, and he slams HARD into the deck, interrupting his attempts to right the ship. He has his hands firmly on the wheel, and is remaining quite skillful, despite his frequent meetings with the newly-shined deck. They're good friends, him 'n the deck... at least, they WILL be, by the time he's finished.

[freyathefairy]

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Balance: (1d20+2)[3]
Profession Sailor (easiest): (1d20+6)[24] (oops add another four...) so... 28 actually

When the strange speaking people came on Pandora stayed away she heard Wu Xin shouting and started heading back. When the bell rang she ran Blinky following her. Several slamming into trees later she was on board and ready to go.

When the boat goes squiffy she clings on to the nearest things. Two ropes, one in each hand. Suddenly she is whipped off her feet one rope must be part of something battened down. She also hears barks the other rope must be Blinky's lead. When she grabs the rope on the ship it must have done something good as the ship doesn't seem to be breaking apart.

[al'Lan Mandrag]

Graelyn watched through a haze as the ship rolled beneath him, and for a moment he felt the alcohol in his belly lurching upwards. But Graelyn was a hardened sailor (and drinker) and quashed the roiling sickness.

Lightly treading on the deck he moved over to where the blind girl was tumbling about on the deck, obviously struggling to stand. He firmly placed one hand on her shoulder and yelled in his best first-mate voice: "Ar'right you! Hold our course!" whilst taking a hearty swig of his rum. Once he was certain the girl had a good grip on the rope that was trimming their sails, he stepped back and began to command the rest of the crew: he was really beginning to enjoy this sailing lark: "You there," he cried at various other skeletons, which dutifully ignored him, "Get to port, hoist the sails, hold our course, firm the tiller." it didn't matter to Graelyn that he only vaguely knew that these words were nautical in their origins, he was certain that this was what sailors were meant to do, and the skeletons seemed to him to carry on with renewed vigour!

[OMG PONIES]

Somehow unbeknownst to them, the crew of the Unicorn manages to make it through the storm in one piece. By tripping over the deck, shouting at skeletons, and pulling at various ropes with eyes squeezed shut, they had approximated the life of an experienced crew who could accurately pilot a sailing vessel.

Even though he is slammed from deck to deck, James relishes the challenge and rises to the occasion. The other members of the crew manage to get the job done, but they do so with a pounding headache. It is as if the relentless good of the place (even in the midst of a storm) is pulsing like a lighthouse beacon, calling them toward goodness.

Any non-good creature on Elysium receives a -2 penalty to all WIS, INT, and CHA-based checks.

Finally, the river winds around its last mountain, the peak obscured somewhere far above the clouds. It empties out into a large bog, a piece of scenery that seems highly out of place in a land renowned for its beauty. Here the river is no more than a tangled braid of slow-moving water through uncountable channels, with low, flooded sandbars and tangles of mangrove rising from it. Still, the positive nature of Elysium shines through this desolate place. The fog itself seems to spread light with each wispy tendril, surrounding every torch and lantern with a luminous nimbus. The few communities that exist on Belierin rise from rocky spurs that jut from the swamp. These small towns are each built around a cathedral-like lighthouse whose beacon pierces the mildly luminous fog, bringing travelers to dock safely. The pulsing inside of each of your brains continues, but this time the pulse feels oddly inviting, as if it is calling you to stay.

Knowledge (planes) DC 20 to open:

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Belierin is the prison of some deadly creature or creatures. Some tales say the prisoner of Belierin is a powerful monster along the lines of the tarrasque or monster of legend. Others say that it is a deadly archduke of the lower planes, a deposed elemental prince, or even a wounded deity. The indisputable fact is that evil creatures are sometimes caught lurking here, and the native guardinals are constantly fighting back attacks against this layer.

"Hark, travelers," a voice calls from the mists. It cannot be seen between the fog, the beacons in the distance, and the soft blinking of lightning bugs all around you like tiny stars. Apparently, you've been traveling long enough that night is beginning to fall. "Starboard side," the voice calls, "we could use your help!"

Spot checks and Will saves, please.

[al'Lan Mandrag]

Graelyn was not normally good natured to passing travellers, but for some reason he felt rather magnanimous today, and so duly trotted over to the right hand side, and peered out. He couldn't see anyone, but then again, with his vision swimming from all that rum, that was hardly surprising.
"Hallooo, Hallooo!" Graelyn called into the shadows. "Is anybody there?"

[SamBurke]

James runs to the side as well. I wonder... perhaps it's a species never before documented! Well, not species... being of some sort. It can talk... "Hello, there! Who are you, and what is your business in Elsyium?"