Contest for Most Absurd Campaign Setting

[Malachi Lemont]

Rules
1. In this case, "absurd" does not mean "totally random and weird." It means "totally random but awesome."
2. Include a reasonable amount of detail - doesn't have to go on all day, but elaborate enough to give us a clear picture of the absurdity.
3. Common sense is strictly forbidden.
5. There is no winner to this "contest." That would make too much sense.
6. Yes, I know I skipped 4.

ENTRY #1
TETHERGLOBE

This world is literally a tetherball. Two godlike titans have been engaged in a ruthless battle since the dawn of time - a battle to wrap the world as we know it around a pole. The planet swings back and forth on its 1,000,000 mile long rope, attached at the North Pole, between one deity's fist and the other's. The collision with the fist occurs once every 100 years, causing massive earthquakes and filling the sky with smoke for a few days, until it all gets nice and happy again. Then it swings back the other way, and so on forever and ever.

Different religions have developed conflicting ideas about how this great game will end. Some say that one of the two titans will eventually win the match, sending the world flying over the other giant's head. Then the world will start to spin faster and faster and faster until it crashes into the pole itself, before slowly starting to unwind.

Others propose a different view of the end of time. They say that the world is merely waiting for a bell to ring, signaling the end of recess, at which case the two titans will grumpily walk away from the tetherglobe and leave the world swinging freely in peace.

A third opinion is that, since the titans' faces have never been seen, there is in fact only one giant, and not two. Basically, it's not two kids, but just Napoleon Dynamite playing tetherball with himself. And he's winning. (Yes!)

I hope you enjoyed this. I've seen how funny you guys are (much more so than me) and I look forward to seeing what you come up with!

[Fibinachi]

The Waiting Line
---

The lowdown is this:

Reincarnation does, in fact, work. When you die, your soul gets put through the divine bureaucracy and sent back down to Earth in a new shape to repeat until eventually, after eons, enlightenment is achieved.

The catch is this:

There are far more souls than anything ever anticipated.

The result is this:

You and your pals adventure in the Afterlife, an infinite plane spreading in all directions. You're waiting in line for reincarnation. You have a number that shows you when it'll happen.

It has lot of digits on it.

Seeing as you're already dead, you can't die. Nor can you starve, freeze to death, burn, suffocate, anything.

Seeing as the place is infinite, what this really means is that you just don't suffer biological breakdown from these events. They'll still happen. Enjoy your infinity dodging the Ever Starving, the Cold Ones or the Wrathful Few (you know the guys, they refuse to let go of their anger and without any inherent limit it just grows and grows and grows....). The Afterlife is mallable and with enough intention, you get weird effects. I urge you: Do not insult the people who forgot what pleasure even means.

Some people get desperate, skin their friends for their numbers and try to jump ahead a bit. Others figure it's actually a decent place, if you can avoid the Others (Because hell is other people, but Heaven is... everything else), and try to stick around.

There's booming essence trade. You know the stuff; memories and sensations. You need it, if you want to avoid going too mad.

Have fun waiting.

[Malachi Lemont]

That's awesome, Fibinachi. Thanks for humoring me with my silly idea for a message board game. If this succeeds I might proceed on with "Most Absurd Superpower," or alien race, or culture, or weapon, or.... etc.

[Blightedmarsh]

The world is a convex shield borne girdled by a giant snake atop a chariot of bone and pulled across the havens by a void dragon. The sky is a blue cape held aloft by four double headed four armed titans.

This is the setting I am currently working on. What follows is the creation myth. (spoilered for length)

In the beginning:

Spoiler

Show

The after the end and before the beginning

In the beginning there was the love of two people. They were Gaia (the earth mother) and Kaos (the skyfather) and their love transcended the boundaries of time and space, life and death.

They lived in the aeons before time, rampaging across the sea without stars; twin novae in the primordial night. Their strength beyond comprehension, their skill beyond measure and their pride only equalled by their love.
This was the age of the primordials. The survivors of the end of days; creatures of unparalleled might and cunning locked in an eternal struggle to the last. In this age the lovers where supreme; together none could best them, all fell before their blades.

The end of the end and the beginning of the beginning

All things pass, all must end. And so it was that Gaia was blessed in this godless age; their love had kindled new life within her, the first conception in long ages without time. The lovers knew that they must quite the field and thus ran and hid; seeking shelter in the furthest ruination of what was once.

Their hopes in vain; they were fools to think that they could hide. Their great foe was the void dragon; a cruel and jealous wyrm. Her inky scales glistened with the light of a million dead suns, her eyes glinted with intelligence and malevolence tempered with terrible wisdom, her breast swelled with the bitterest of venom; she was death manifest.

The wrym of the end times with honeyed words, foul bargins and dreadful oaths gathered forth her forces; a legion of unspeakable horrors to harry the lovers to their retreat and there lay siege. And so it was that they were followed across the trackless wastes of infinity, hounded to ground beyond the edge of the vast expanse and in the fringes of the wild devastation.

Six times did the horde assail them and six times did the lovers repel them. And finaly as the moment when Gaia lay gravid and labour wracked cross Kaoses bulwark did the wrym herself come fore and challenge the skyfather.
Alone, bloodied, exhausted; kaos fought the dragon amongst the relics of their war. Kaos and void where even match, his blade could not find her and her claws would not rend his mail. Suddenly he hew from her a grasping tail and she recoiled shrieking. Sensing triumph at hand he raised forth his axe to slay the beast; but the old wyrm was cunning, feigning weakness. Like quicksilver her viperous jaws lashed out to drive her pinions deep into his breast and poor forth great gouts of the vilest toxins.

Gaia screamed as new life burst forth from her. Her cries carried forth all of her strength and will to her mate and rekindled his dying flame, filling his arms with new vigour. He raised his axe up one last time and bit deep into her hide; channelling the power of life and love within his blade and destroyed her down to bone and ash.

And so it is that all things must pass, all must end. The wyrm lay dead, her army ravaged. Gaia, the last of her strength spent fell into a deep slumber and woke no more. Kaos, victor yet also vanquished; poisoned unto death.

The ordering of the earth

The skyfather set about surveying what was left of his life, what was left of his family. Eight children had he, four sons and four daughters; scarce moments old yet already speaking, already walking. His bride, his love had become a world; a primal potential, more and yet less. Her sleeping flesh became the earth, her bones the mountains, her blood the lakes and rivers and her birthing waters the seas.

Kaos took the severed tail of his foe and girdled the rim of Gaia’s shield world with it. He gave his belt life, commanding it to be a snake and encircle his beloved in a ring of gold. Kaos gathered up the remnants of his vanquished foe and found within her a clutch of eggs, given life with her death; these he took and from her. From the wyrms bones and sinuses kaos fashioned a chariot to set his shield bride atop to bear her creation ever more.

The primordial Kaos Sat astraddle his wife. He plucked out his orbs and gathered the dragon eggs in his lap. Kaos gave his blue cape to his sons as well as one of their weapons. Naming his sons in turn Kaos bade them to protect their mother from all harm, he also commanded them to hold his cape
across as their shroud for as long as she sleeps.

With this the skyfather immolated himself, consuming his dying flesh in a final act of love and creation. His ashes snowed across the earth and became the soil. His bones took root and became ydrasil; the world tree that tents the sky and fathered all trees and things that grow. His smoke filled the sky shroud and gave breath to the shield world. His blood ran down and caused the earth to spring forth all that lives and moves across it. Thus in blood and pain and loss and love and fire the world was born.
The ordering of the heavens

The pyre that devoured him could not consume his heart for it was the heat of his passion. His heart was as resplendent gold; untouched, burnished as it was radiant. It lit the new world in the first light of day.
The heat of the fire fertilized, incubated and hatched the four dragon eggs; these grew quickly to full size. The largest of the Kaos dragons Malkieth the red -almost as big as his mother, was tethered to pull the chariot across the heavens. Of the remaining three the female Taibal and the males Bahamut and Bhaal where set to hold the skyfathers heart and orbs respectively. These became the sun and the moon.

Tiny sparks from his pyre scorched thousands of holes in his cape. Through these the otherworldy light of the void beyond was able to shine down on the world bellow and thus the stars where born.

The titans

The four sons of the skyfather are the cardinal titans. They stand at the four corners of the world and hold down the skyshroud. Because of this each grants its name to its cardinal direction.

The titans each have two heads and four arms (in effect the front side of their bodies is mirrored on the back from the hips up); one face watching over creation, the other standing sentinel against the void. With one pair of hands they hold on to the sky and the other they strike down their foes.

They have the ability to detach any part of their bodies and send them hither and yon, able to do anything they could when still attached. They can make these detached body parts shape shift, taking on humanoid, animal or monstrous form. This is how they can get up all kinds of shenanigans and spawn so many scions without abandoning their posts.

Each is associated with a weapon, an ethical philosophy, an element, a type of magic, a season, a number, a semi divine race as well as one of the old empires. Each titan stands against is opposing number.

[mystic1110]

The Waiting Line
---

The lowdown is this:

Reincarnation does, in fact, work. When you die, your soul gets put through the divine bureaucracy and sent back down to Earth in a new shape to repeat until eventually, after eons, enlightenment is achieved.

The catch is this:

There are far more souls than anything ever anticipated.

The result is this:

You and your pals adventure in the Afterlife, an infinite plane spreading in all directions. You're waiting in line for reincarnation. You have a number that shows you when it'll happen.

It has lot of digits on it.

Seeing as you're already dead, you can't die. Nor can you starve, freeze to death, burn, suffocate, anything.

Seeing as the place is infinite, what this really means is that you just don't suffer biological breakdown from these events. They'll still happen. Enjoy your infinity dodging the Ever Starving, the Cold Ones or the Wrathful Few (you know the guys, they refuse to let go of their anger and without any inherent limit it just grows and grows and grows....). The Afterlife is mallable and with enough intention, you get weird effects. I urge you: Do not insult the people who forgot what pleasure even means.

Some people get desperate, skin their friends for their numbers and try to jump ahead a bit. Others figure it's actually a decent place, if you can avoid the Others (Because hell is other people, but Heaven is... everything else), and try to stick around.

There's booming essence trade. You know the stuff; memories and sensations. You need it, if you want to avoid going too mad.

Have fun waiting.

that is awesome! Reminds me of wraith the oblivion mixed with Torment.

I can imagine numerous kingdoms in your purgatory full of their own power struggles with every ruler having competing desires to go to the afterlife or simply remain in power and in charge.

Money can be replaced with time - casinos will be full of people trying to win and when they do they simply get raptured.

Wow. . . seriously awesome idea

[Razanir]

The world is flat and resting on the backs of four elephants who, in turn, are standing on the back of a giant space turtle

-----

A real entry:

Nothing is constant. Nothing except time.

The World:
This means maps are completely useless. Good luck trying to find that cool hideaway you found last week. Because of this chaos, civilization only even exists in small pockets of the world that are relatively static. Most people don't leave these zones, because the farther you travel, the less likely you are to ever find your way back home. The best they can manage is to hope they stumble upon another pocket. And thankfully, people have become accustomed people appearing almost out of nowhere, so they are quick to welcome travelers.

The People:
When a newborn, your traits change at random. You might be a male human baby one morning and a female elf baby by the next. As you grow up, it becomes increasingly difficult to change. By your coming of age, most people have decided who and what they want to be. Of course, people can still change themselves as adults, but by retirement, it becomes effectively impossible.

Magic:
Magicians are both respected and feared. Magic in this universe seeks to control and tame the universe. Magic-users are a great asset to the town, because they help to expand the pockets of relatively static terrain.

[Malachi Lemont]

That sounds great, Razanir. Your world definitely fits my definition of insane. I don't see how anyone could get used to living there. Thanks for joining in the fun. I hope we get some more people to contribute.

Blightedmarsh, I liked yours as well. It looks like it could go either way - silly or serious. Whichever direction you want to take your world in, I'd be happy to read more.

[Razanir]

Actually, I have one more detail for the world. Two things never change about a person: their eyes and a birthmark.

Also, does anyone want to actually try running a campaign in any of these worlds?

[Amechra]

The entire setting is a 10' by 10' by 10' room.

It contains 2 "gods", alternatively enemies and lovers.

You play as their lice.

[Amaril]

The entire setting is a 10' by 10' by 10' room.

It contains 2 "gods", alternatively enemies and lovers.

You play as their lice.

Isn't that basically the setting of Xenoblade?

[Malachi Lemont]

The entire setting is a 10' by 10' by 10' room.

It contains 2 "gods", alternatively enemies and lovers.

You play as their lice.

I'd play this one! Assuming by "lice" you mean very very small people, not insects.

[Blightedmarsh]

Blightedmarsh, I liked yours as well. It looks like it could go either way - silly or serious. Whichever direction you want to take your world in, I'd be happy to read more.

Thanks, its the third iteration/attempt of the setting and their is a lot of material to adapt to the update but I do my best.

The Waiting Line

Really nice though you may want to include "natural" predators of souls as well.

The netherworld

Spoiler

Show

The netherworld is the underside of the shield. It is ruled over by Hel. It is the origin of time, the souls of mortals and the land of the unclaimed dead.

Formation

Shadows have power, along with reflections they are manifestations of a beings soul. The shadows of beings of power have volition and life of their own. The shadows of the earth mother and the sky father mated and merged together to birth the netherworld

The sprit shadow of the void dragon became the Lilith-Urgnoth; that which spins the threads of fate and the biological mother of the norns.
The spirit shadow of the earth mother became Tyre; he who shepherds the dead and father of the norns.

The spirit shadow of the skyfather became Hel; queen of the dead and birth mother of the norns.

Time

The driving force of the passage of the ages is the wheels of time. These turn the axis of fate and thus cause time to progress.
Lilith’s domain is the dark pit of the navel at the roots of the world, here she spins the strands of destiny on the axis of fate. Norn maids gather up the strands and take them to Hel at the well of souls. Herein Hel drinks deep of the dew of life and once a year gives birth to the spirits of all that lives. Her handmaidens and midwives attach a strand to the crown of each newborn spirit before sending them off to the mortal world.

All of the strands of destiny pass through the many hands of Tyre. At the end of a mortal’s life he pulls on the thread, fishing the soul across the river of death and into the netherworld where he cuts them free from their strings.
These strands are passed on up through the trunk of Ydrasil to the daughters of Lilith. They weave them into the tapestry of history. This banner is more than just an accurate reflection of history, it is the shifting physical embodiment of the past. You cannot alter history without altering the tapestry and you cannot alter the tapestry without altering history.

[Debihuman]

I've often thought of the "Demiplane of Flowers and Other Green Things" from the Castle Greyhawk module (the pun dungeon) would be an awesome setting.

Debby

[Fates]

Think the outlands, but instead of a spire dictating magical limitations based on proximity to that spire, it's a ballroom, and the closer one gets to it, the greater their desire to dance. By the time you get to the center, it is irresistible, and so that area is positively littered with an ever-growing mass of corpses of dancers past, on which everyone else is forced to dance until they, too, die of natural causes.

Not sure how that one came to me.

[Malachi Lemont]

Think the outlands, but instead of a spire dictating magical limitations based on proximity to that spire, it's a ballroom, and the closer one gets to it, the greater their desire to dance. By the time you get to the center, it is irresistible, and so that area is positively littered with an ever-growing mass of corpses of dancers past, on which everyone else is forced to dance until they, too, die of natural causes.

Not sure how that one came to me.

Pretty creepy. And certainly absurd. I like it. Sounds like the Hotel California - you can check in any time you like but you can never leave. Cause you're dancing so hard.

[Soliloquy]

When you die, you are sent up to the heavenly plane of light. Unfortunately, due to overcrowding, they just load you into a catapult, and fire you back on to earth. They stopped proper aiming a thousand years ago, and three hundred years ago, they also stopped proper reincarnation, meaning you keep all of your memories, including spending a year and a day hurtling through the void both ways. Everyone is in random bodies, with the memories of multiple past lives. In one life, you might be Rel-Vus, famous Orc slayer, and land in an Orc for your next. And that's assuming you land in a sentient creature. You could land in an animal, plant, structure or rock, or anything else. If you're unlucky, you will hit something that already has a soul, and bounce off. If you bounce off, you become one a Raker a soul which tears apart everything it can reach, in a vain attempt to keep from hurtling once more into the void, perhaps never to return.

[inuyasha]

The world is flat and resting on the backs of four elephants who, in turn, are standing on the back of a giant space turtle

-----

A real entry:

Nothing is constant. Nothing except time.

The World:
This means maps are completely useless. Good luck trying to find that cool hideaway you found last week. Because of this chaos, civilization only even exists in small pockets of the world that are relatively static. Most people don't leave these zones, because the farther you travel, the less likely you are to ever find your way back home. The best they can manage is to hope they stumble upon another pocket. And thankfully, people have become accustomed people appearing almost out of nowhere, so they are quick to welcome travelers.

The People:
When a newborn, your traits change at random. You might be a male human baby one morning and a female elf baby by the next. As you grow up, it becomes increasingly difficult to change. By your coming of age, most people have decided who and what they want to be. Of course, people can still change themselves as adults, but by retirement, it becomes effectively impossible.

Magic:
Magicians are both respected and feared. Magic in this universe seeks to control and tame the universe. Magic-users are a great asset to the town, because they help to expand the pockets of relatively static terrain.

hahaha i get the reference *claps and laughs*

[Malachi Lemont]

Ok, so I've got a second one, if that's all right. Sorry, but it's a bit of a megapost.

BURENGO: The 51st State

Burengo was the most recent state to join the Union, having been granted statehood in 1968 due to the necessity of more soldiers for the Vietnam War. However, the existence of Burengo territory dates back to the early 1600s, when Spanish settlers discovered it by mistake when searching for El Dorado.

The thing about Burengo is, you can't find it on a map, even with modern technology. But it's clearly part of the continental USA, as people have proven over and over by simply traveling east from Baltimore, north from Milwaukee, south from Houston, and west from Portland. Needless to say, the exact location, and in fact, the very existence of Burengo has been the cause of many a dispute for centuries.

More....

Spoiler

Show

Burengo first came onto the political scene during the American Revolution, where George Washington cleverly led his troops through Burengan wilderness to ambush the British in July 1777. The British, who thought they had mapped out the entire east coast, were amazed to find the largely unocccupied region of Burengo sitting right in the middle of their territory.

However, soon after the Revolution, Burengo became a popular hideout of criminals who wanted to escape the watchful eye of the federal government. Most attempts to track down criminals in Burengo horribly failed, since it seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at once. In the years leading up to the civil war, Burengo also became a refuge for runaway slaves. Its lack of organization kept out both Union and Confederate armies during the Civil War, and was for the most part untouched by the bloody conflict.

The late 1800s and early 1900s saw a series of drastic reforms for Burengo. Wealthy entrepreneurs were attracted there because of its low tax rates and great weather. They soon set up what they saw as a paradise of liberal capitalism, free from the restrictive laws of the Feds, since no one really knew how to get there. President Theodore Roosevelt even denied the existence of Burengo, calling it a "childish dream" cooked up by "rabble-rousers.) Mark Twain refuted this claim by taking Teddy on a trip to Burengo, during which the President called Twain a madman.

Burengo's growing population grew restless, especially in the burgeoning capital city of Santalosia (perhaps a corruption of the name St. Aloysius, though no one's really sure.) Burengo seemed largely unaffected by the Great Depression, which caused people to view the mysterious territory with even more jealousy than before. But it remained a territory all through World War II, despite increased desire for statehood. In the 1940s, Burengo's lack of commitment toward the allied cause led to accusations of "harboring Nazis" and later, in the 50s, "harboring Commies." A federal investigation of Burengo, led by President Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1954 proved both of these theories untrue.

In the 60s, after Alaska and Hawaii had both gained statehood, it seemed time for Burengo as well. Under Lyndon Johnson, Congress finally accepted Burengo's ratification of the Constitution as the 51st state. Many southerners were dismayed by this decision, as well as the Civil Rights Act, feeling that allowing Burengans the right to vote would further diminish their freedom.

Today, Burengo has become a fairly cosmopolitan state, and the 9th largest in the Union, rivaling Georgia and Michigan. There are a number of theories about where Burengo actually is, though all of these theories have numerous flaws. Some still insist on its location on the Atlantic Coast, since Burengo is bordered on the east by a vast ocean. However, this ocean has turned out to be the Pacific, leading some to question whether it is in fact in America at all. Its warm, sunny climate has caused some geographers to place Burengo on a map near California, but this, also, has been rebuked by the border it shares with Wisconsin. Although some citizens still bicker about the exact location of Burengo, most seem to accept the fact that it is an anomaly of nature, a state in an alternate dimension that is an essential part of America.

I could go on all day about this, but you're probably bored by now. Thanks.

[Soliloquy]

I am going to run so many campaigns in Burengo.

[Kane0]

I am imagining wicked combinations of these worlds coming soon