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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Rockphed's Avatar

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    Default Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Have you ever been told that perfectly reasonable courses of action were outlawed? Does the entire group reflexively yell "NO" whenever you utter the phrase, "I have a plan." Do your well intentioned actions get your fellow adventurers killed?

    While we at P&P Ruleslawyering cannot help you with those problems, we would love to hear about them. Please fill out our simple and easy grievance form.

    Previous repositories of ungrateful GMs, unfavorable groups, and generally bad ideas, can be found at:

    [Any] Things I may no longer do while playing.
    Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
    Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
    Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

    Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
    1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
    2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

    I suggest using asterisks, though, as the first thread did.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wardog View Post
    Rockphed said it well.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sam Starfall
    When your pants are full of crickets, you don't need mnemonics.
    Dragontar by Serpentine.

    Now offering unsolicited advice.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    In a star wars campaign
    *I may not give the NPC guide better equipment than the party
    **Even if she would have nicer stuff
    ***A quarterstaff should not do more damage than a lightsaber

    *I cannot use Preform (ventriloquist) to convince the party fighter that his sword is talking to him
    *I may not play someone who suffers from severe delusions and play him like Edward P. Dowd
    Please excuse any above spelling or grammar mistakes. I've never been good at it.
    Amazingly awesome avatar by Kymme!

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ryu_Bonkosi's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    *I may not stop the game right before the climatic fight to have a 30 minute conversation with the BBEG about how his entire plan/scheme is flawed.
    **I may not draw/have a chart with numbers and pointers telling the BBEG how and why we beat him.
    ***After doing this I am not allowed a surprise round just because of how shocked he is.
    Amazing avatar by Ceika
    A player is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisly when the plot dictates he should.
    Quote Originally Posted by Beowulf DW View Post
    You're the Stalin of dice!

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Totally Guy's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    I may not name my character and relationship characters the same name as any key game mechanical concept.

    "This is my character Will Save. That that's his brother Reflex."
    Attempting to say controversial things that everyone will agree with.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    As a DM.

    *I am not allowed to skip random encounters for the sake of convenience.
    **Preparing in advance "random" encounters is highly frowned upon.
    ***Throwing the party up against a pack of Deathclaws is right out.


    *I may not give moose improved bull rush as a joke.
    **I may not then use said bull rush to push the fighter into the river. Which goes over a waterfall.
    ***The fighter, upon falling into the river, may not then pull the moose in after him
    ****The fighter and moose then may not have a climactic battle in mid-air after going off the waterfall.
    *****Putting on Duel of The Fates for background music, while epic, isn't in good taste.
    ******The Fighter, having slain the moose, may not fail his save against massive damage and die from the fall in what was supposed to be a hunting trip a week away from the rest of the party.
    ***While the above is happening, I may not discover a typo on the moose stat page that says they have Int 3, and are therefor sentient.
    ****Spontaneously inventing a background for that character involving sentient moose that killed his parents and this hunting trip away from the party was actually a ruse to avenge his parents is a no-go.
    *****I may no longer have moose in any campaign I run.
    Last edited by Paperback; 2013-07-18 at 04:17 AM.
    My Homebrews
    Mechanical Ascendant Prestige Class (PF)
    Statting a Final Boss: The Devourer of Souls (PF)


    "Life is a storybook, now go out there and fill up the pages."

    "A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a story is worth only whatever you put into it."

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Kane0's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    * I may no longer interrupt the BBEG's monologue with grammar corrections
    ** I may no longer IHS out of the monologue stasis and gain a suprise round
    *** I may no longer IHS out of the monologue stasis and attack my party, claiming the BBEG makes more sense that anyone else has up until now.

    * I may no longer impale the BBEG on anything. Especially an Eldritch Spear.
    ** I may no longer be the BBEG, even if i am the most morally grey character currently in the game-world.
    *** I may no longer gain bonuses to rolls when laughing appropriately maniacally, or making any sound heard in Dragonball Z.
    Last edited by Kane0; 2013-07-18 at 05:46 AM.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    • I'm not allowed to craft a Hand of the Mage as a party hat for my pony familiar.
    • I may not sell scrolls of Feather Fall to any PC member who is drunk at the time.
    • I also may not use Mirror Image to make stoned party members freak out.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races
    Avatar by me - Doc Wagon

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Hyena's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    * I am not and never will be allowed to have a pony familiar.
    ** I am to stop begging.
    *** From now on I am forbidden to even mention ponies.
    I'm looking for a DM for a skype Star Wars Saga Edition game. If you are interested, please write me in skype (taumaturgist).

    Avatar by AddZabble

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ionbound's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    * I am not allowed to use prestidigitation to gain a bonus on seduce checks

    **Casting Mount is right out

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Alabenson's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    * If the party needs to climb down a shaft that had a grate on top, I am not to cast light on a corpse and toss it down said shaft.

    * Nor am I permitted to cast light on a corpse and then sever its arm to use as an improvised torch.
    ** I am certainly forbidden from using said glowing, severed arm as an interrogation tool.
    *** Referring to such use as "Enhandced" interrogation does not help my case.
    If brute force isn't working, that just means you're not using enough of it.

    When in doubt, set something on fire. If not in doubt, set something on fire anyway.

    My Homebrew


  11. - Top - End - #11
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kymme's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    *My Alchemical Romance is not a valid name for a band of traveling mages.
    Or is, depending on your DM's musical preference.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Kymme View Post
    *My Alchemical Romance is not a valid name for a band of traveling bards.
    Fixed that

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    * I cannot catch a black dragon, cut off its wings, and name it Komodo if I wish to survive the encounter
    ** I cannot cast Flesh to Stone on the wings and the dragonborn party member, polymorph them into clay, put the wings on the dragonborn, and remove the spells.
    *** Komodo may not only use his Breath weapon when he bites something
    **** I am not allowed to domesticate Komodo
    ***** Nor a red dragon that I named Puff
    ******My draconic sorcerer doesn't gain a bonus to dimplomacy with dragons after said events
    ******* Not even when negotiating with the Jaezred Chaulssin despite being a drow.
    My sorcerer powers can not be due to being a member of said group.
    Last edited by Arkhosia; 2013-07-18 at 02:54 PM.
    Avatar by Gulaghar, thanks so much!

    "Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not, we never are. But that's not the right question. The question is: are we living a life that is worth the harm?"
    ~Welcome to Night Vale

    Spoiler: Quotes from Friends <3
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Magtok
    If it'll keep you from linking that abomination ever again, then fine. You're evil enough. You win.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Having Int and Wis scores of 6 means I'm dumb and don't know it. Roleplaying this appropriately is good, up until it leads to a TPK.
    *Never trust the Neanderthal to have good plans.

    I may not be more evil than the BBEG.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Arkhosia's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Alex12 View Post
    Having Int and Wis scores of 6 means I'm dumb and don't know it. Roleplaying this appropriately is good, up until it leads to a TPK.
    *Never trust the Neanderthal to have good plans.

    I may not be more evil than the BBEG.
    ***I cannot betray the party and join the BBEG, then betray him and take over his plans
    Avatar by Gulaghar, thanks so much!

    "Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not, we never are. But that's not the right question. The question is: are we living a life that is worth the harm?"
    ~Welcome to Night Vale

    Spoiler: Quotes from Friends <3
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Magtok
    If it'll keep you from linking that abomination ever again, then fine. You're evil enough. You win.

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Alex12's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Arkhosia View Post
    ***I cannot betray the party and join the BBEG, then betray him and take over his plans
    ****Even if you secretly didn't betray the party, and in fact discussed this plan with them beforehand.


    I may not take ranks in Profession(nuclear engineer)
    *Or Craft(nuclear weapons)
    **If it involves nuclear devices of any kind, I should assume it's prohibited.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Arcanist's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    I may not show my DM my new Homebrewed rules for Torture involving permanent physical and psychological damage.
    *It is for the best.
    **Trust me, you don't want to know...
    Larloch, The Shadow King (w/ Ioun Stones) avatar by Iron Penguin

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Rockphed's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    *If my wife has been captured by the BBEG, my plan for saving her should not revolve around sending random peasants into his lair.
    **If I do send random peasants into his lair, I am not to be surprised when my wife runs away with one of them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wardog View Post
    Rockphed said it well.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sam Starfall
    When your pants are full of crickets, you don't need mnemonics.
    Dragontar by Serpentine.

    Now offering unsolicited advice.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Orc in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    *I should not take prisoners away and torture them for information by using caltrops as a suppository
    **then have a high enough bluff skill to convince the party they all fell into a hunters trap
    ***I may no longer take the bluff skill OR buy caltrops. nor mention the word 'suppository' ever again

    *I may not curse a weapon to talk and give it to a team member
    **i ESPECIALLY may not have a pre-written list of 100 insults that the player must roll on any time he draws the weapon, or use it for more than 3 turns
    ***I may no longer enchant equipment nor be trusted with the gifts i give to party members

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Rockphed View Post
    *If my wife has been captured by the BBEG
    *...you are REQUIRED to save her eventually.
    **Look, this isn't a debate about sexism among dragonslayers. Go save her.
    ***Alright, FINE. She's exactly as strong and tough as you. Both of you were captured.
    ****What? Just...what. Did you try to get both of you captured specifically so you could do that?
    My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons.

    Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed.
    Cruoroclast Rewrite (Base Class)
    Star Avatar (Base/PrC Class)
    Inugami (Monstrous Prestige Class)
    Yokai Classes (7 Monstrous Prestige Classes)

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    * I cannot have proficiency in Improvised Weapon: telephone pole
    Avatar by Gulaghar, thanks so much!

    "Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not, we never are. But that's not the right question. The question is: are we living a life that is worth the harm?"
    ~Welcome to Night Vale

    Spoiler: Quotes from Friends <3
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Magtok
    If it'll keep you from linking that abomination ever again, then fine. You're evil enough. You win.

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Alex12 View Post
    **If it involves nuclear devices of any kind, I should assume it's prohibited.
    No Divine Flame, then?

    On a similar note...

    *Any character concept based on Touhou is vetoed.
    **Any character concept based on the Tome of Battle, too.
    ***I can't use any subsystems that aren't supported by the SRD.
    ****...Anything remotely resembling anything from Japan is right out.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Troll in the Playground
     
    WhiteWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Arkhosia View Post
    * I cannot have proficiency in Improvised Weapon: telephone pole
    ** Nor maybe I take it for Tree
    *** Or pillar
    **** Or any other object significantly larger than my character

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    AttilaTheGeek's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    *"Magical Girl" is not a valid class in Pathfinder.
    **Or 3.5.
    ***Or 4e.

    By the way, the new thread title is amazing.
    Homebrew: Temporalist Quotebox Avatar by Kris on a Stick
    Blue is for sarcasm Call me Attila

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Banned
     
    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Alex12 View Post
    I may not take ranks in Profession(nuclear engineer)
    *Or Craft(nuclear weapons)
    **If it involves nuclear devices of any kind, I should assume it's prohibited.
    ***I may not take the Radiation and Fire domains, even though it is perfectly rules-legal to do so.

    Quote Originally Posted by AttilaTheGeek View Post
    By the way, the new thread title is amazing.
    I preferred "Dual wielding dragons."

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ElfWarriorGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    I can no longer base my:
    Plans
    Familiars
    Craft spells
    Homebrews
    Random encounters
    Characters
    BBEG
    Evil guys
    On sci fi originals

    Unless it's sharknado
    I'M NOT CRAZY!!

    I just find sanity a rather dull affair

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Arkhosia's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by A Tad Insane View Post
    I can no longer base my:
    Plans
    Familiars
    Craft spells
    Homebrews
    Random encounters
    Characters
    BBEG
    Evil guys
    On sci fi originals

    Unless it's sharknado
    Rule does not apply if playing a Comedy Campaign
    Avatar by Gulaghar, thanks so much!

    "Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not, we never are. But that's not the right question. The question is: are we living a life that is worth the harm?"
    ~Welcome to Night Vale

    Spoiler: Quotes from Friends <3
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Magtok
    If it'll keep you from linking that abomination ever again, then fine. You're evil enough. You win.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Sith_Happens's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by vasharanpaladin View Post
    *Any character concept based on Touhou is vetoed.
    **Any character concept based on the Tome of Battle, too.
    ***I can't use any subsystems that aren't supported by the SRD.
    ****...Anything remotely resembling anything from Japan is right out.
    What, no warlocks!? HERESY!
    Revan avatar by kaptainkrutch.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cirrylius View Post
    That's how wizards beta test their new animals. If it survives Australia, it's a go. Which in hindsight explains a LOT about Australia.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    * When attending a party at the castle, I may not Suggest that the band should play the Hokey Pokey
    ** Nor may I show off my strength by knocking over giant statues to try to catch them
    *** My druid may not bring all the woodland creatures she can find into the dance hall.
    **** I shouldn't be surprised when the nobility completely ignores all my advances towards them
    ***** I may not try to set up shop in the courtyard, selling baked goods. The castle already has caterers, they don't need me there as well.
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 2.00 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law

    Quote Originally Posted by Ksheep View Post
    * When attending a party at the castle, I may not Suggest that the band should play the Hokey Pokey
    ** Nor may I show off my strength by knocking over giant statues to try to catch them
    *** My druid may not bring all the woodland creatures she can find into the dance hall.
    **** I shouldn't be surprised when the nobility completely ignores all my advances towards them
    ***** I may not try to set up shop in the courtyard, selling baked goods. The castle already has caterers, they don't need me there as well.
    ****** The queen was not inviting us to said party solely for the destruction this causes.
    Avatar based on artwork by Jabari Weathers

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