Support the GITP forums on Patreon
Help support GITP's forums (and ongoing server maintenance) via Patreon
Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. - Top - End - #1
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    lost_my_NHL's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    at my computer

    Default [GIFT] A Scary Christmas and A Happy Terror!

    We wish you a scary Christmas,
    We wish you a scary Christmas,
    We wish you a scary Christmas,
    And a happy terror!


    Johnny was the son of a tailor, who was raised celebrating both Chanukah and Christmas, as well as the new year. His father had done fairly well in business this year, and this was to be a great holiday season for the family. They had invited relatives, and it was the first night of Chanukah tonight.



    They gathered by the menorah, and lit the candles. They said the prayers, which Johnny noted all began "Baruch ata adonai." He thought it was odd, but was too young and not religious enough to know hebrew, which would have told him that this meant, "The Lord is one."



    They each took bets on which candle would go out first ((ooc:my family always does this)). Johnny bet on the shamas. Then they served latkes with applesauce and gave presents. Being the first night, the presents were rather small. Johnny opened up his little blue-and-gold wrapped box and found a red clay dreidel with gold lettering. It was small enough to fit in the palm of his young hand.



    Without examining it further, he gathered the other children around. They all got 50 cheerios to use as coin, and anted with 3 cheerios each. Johnny spun it first, all the children lying on their stomachs and crowding around it to see what letter would come up.



    Drow-del


    This small dreidel, made by drow wizards hoping to destroy the fun and celebration of the holiday season, comes in a variety of colors and sizes. The most common is about two-inches tall, matte grey with glossy glack ink lettering. However, other common colors include blood red, midnight blue, and shining gold and silver. Often the color reflects the caster level of the maker and the size the skill of the forger. They are only rarely made now due to the drow's realization that they cost more than they helped, but a few are still scattered throughout the globe.







    In all aspects it is a normal dreidel with the same four hebrew letters as on any dredel - nun, gimmel, shin, and heh - but they are Explosive Runes cast by a drow wizard.
    Medium abjuration; CL 3. creator must have 5 ranks in craft(clay) skill. Price 400gp
    The dreidel spun for longer than usual, and everyone oohed and aahed at it. Eventually it landed on - BAM - a blast of force issued from the dreidel as Johnny tried to read what side had landed up. He, and the other children crowded around, recieved no save and were thrown back with great force against the walls of the house. The parents, standing behind their children were allowed a reflex save, but, being low-level experts and commoners, most missed it. The ones that made it were only subjected to 3d6 damage, and were still thrown against the walls.





    Fortunately, all of the damage rolls were 1s, and the entire family rolled to stabilize on their first negative hit point. They woke up the next morning, and cleaned up the mess the dreidel had made. This night they made sure to get all their wares inspected by the local mage to make sure that they were non-magical. The mage affirmed that they were not, and the family was relieved. Unfortunately, the mage was a phony street-corner magician, who only did this so he could have two sp to rub together for warmth this holiday season.



    That night they brought out a new menorah, this one made of brass. Its arms were violently twisted around, and it looked rather imposing. They placed it on a plate to collect any wax that dripped, put three beautiful candles in it, and lit them. Then they said their prayers.



    In the middle of the prayer, Johnny noticed another candle sprout from the menorah, then another. Each of them lit in turn. He waited until the prayer was over to tell his mom. By this time, seven of the nine slots were filled with lit candles. His mom seemed rather shocked and started praising it as a Channukah miracle. Indeed, as the last two candles lit, that seemed to be the consensus the family came to.




    8-Nights Golem



    This appears as a simple brass menorah, indistinguishable from regular ones except for one particular feature - it attacks. Its branches are all violently twisted, a mark of its forging. For each 8-Nights Golem is made in fiery layers of Hell, infused with captured souls of mortals. Sorry Johnny.




    8-Nights Golem
    Tiny Construct
    Hit Dice: 6d10+3 (58hp)
    Initiative: +7
    Speed: 20 ft.
    Armor Class: 19 10+5 dex +4 natural
    Base Attack/Grapple: +6/-1
    Attack: slam +8 (1d3-3 (+1d3 fire if lit))
    Full Attack: (8 slams +8 (1d3-3(+1d3 fire if lit))
    Space/Reach: 5 ft/0ft
    Special Attacks: Flare, ignite
    Special Qualities: Fire immunity, Immunity to Magic, construct traits
    Saves: Fort: +5, Ref: +9, Will +2
    Abilities: str 5, dex 20, con -, int -, wis 11, cha 10
    Skills:
    Feats: improved initiative, multiattack, toughness
    Environment: any
    Organization: solitary
    Challenge Rating: 4
    Treasure: none. However, some 8-nights golems may have encrusted jewels, or the metal they are made of may be worth something
    Alignment: Although most constructs are neutral, the evil nature of an 8-nights golem embeds some evil into it. Thus they are usually neutral evil.
    Advancement: Small(7-12 HD), Med(13-20HD)
    Level Adjustment: -
    Flare (su): As a standard action, an 8-nights golem can release a blast of fire from an arm. This completely uses up two candles on the menorah. Treat it as a cone-shaped breath weapon, with a range of 15 feet. It deals 3d6 damage to anyone in the area, or half that with a successful DC 14 reflex save. It can use fire multiple flares in rapid succession so long as it has enough candles, but if it uses more than one flare, it requires a full round action.

    Ignite (su): As a move-equivalent action, an 8-nights golem can ignite two of its candles without provoking an attack of opportunity. Or it can take a full-round action, provoking attacks of opportunity, to ignite six candles



    Unfortunately, it was not a Channukah miracle. It was the awakening of a hellish construct that proceeded to give all memebers of the family, as well as their pet dog, a thourough scorching. A later reported seeing flames shoot from windows of the house as the little monster chased the poor people around the home.

    Eventually the monster left the house, as the fire that the menorah had expelled had taken to the house and was weakening its structural integrity. The house burned, and the monster ran off into the night.



    Amazingly, the family rolled their reflex saves, and managed to flee the house before the monster could kill them. The dog, however, was not as lucky. Later reports show that while the people escaped unharmed, the dog stayed behind and was responsible for most of the combat in the house.


    The firemages arrived in time to douse the house with enough cold spells to put the fire out. As for Johnny's family, they salvaged what they could and stayed with a neighbor for the next night. They hoped this night would be less eventful.

    Johnny was wrapping his neighbor's presents when his mother called him down. Later he returned back to his wrapping. He picked up a present and grabbed some blue-and-white wrapping paper - which recoiled at his touch.

    Forsaken Gift Wrap(like the Forsaken Shell of LM)(to be finished later)
    In all ways a Forsaken Gift Wrap is like a Forsaken Shell except these:
    Speed: Forsaked Gift Wrap has a 15 ft fly speed (good maneuverability). This replaces the burrow speed of a Forsaken Shell.

    As it did so, it slowly unwound from the cardboard spool upon which it was stowed. Johnny looked first with amusement, but then with fear. Two nights of near-death experiences had caused Johnny to become a sceptic. As it was unrolling, Johnny took a raset of cooking kinves (improvised daggers) that was to be a gift to his aunt, and stabbed the wrapping paper repeadedly with it. Pinning it to the floor with two knives, he continued to stab it until all of its 105 hp were gone.

    The xp from a single encounter against an enemy six levels higher than johnny provided him with his first class level.


    The next night, Johnny's neighbors brought over warm, greasy potato latkes and a bowl of homemade applesauce. They felt sympathetic to Johnny's family, and came to share the holiday cheer with those who had none.

    Johnny, however, had become skeptical. After the past three nights had brought devastation on his family, he was not about to let some latkes get the best of him.

    Potato Latkes
    Potato Latkes taste good. They are made of slices of potato, fried in a pancake fashion. They are very high fat and high cholestrol, but supply a balanced amount of carbs and vitamins when eaten with applesauce.

    Applesauce
    Applesauce, sometimes made with cranberries as well, is a tasty and healthy addition to any meal. It is traditionally eaten with latkes, but also is good by itself, especially when dusted with cinammon. Mmmn.

    It all happened too fast for Johnny's mother. Johnny had taken the combat expertise feat, and now, as those potato latkes moved by him, every one of them provoked an attack of opportunity from Johnny. Without a heavy dexterity penalty and no natural armor, Johnny slayed every one of them.

    His mother yelled at him and told him to clean up the mess. He tried to explain, but his mother would have none of this.


    The next night they set out on to buy a christmas tree. They drove to the local YMCA christmas tree sale, but all that were left were Colarado Spruces, the ones with extremely sharp needles. They bought a large spruce that was rather full on one side, but kind of crooked and thin if viewed from a different angle.

    Things were going well - it was the last of its size in the lot, and the dealer gave it to them cheap. "Yep, we had trouble wit tha' one. That's why we're givin' it to ye cheap.", he had said.

    They got home and set it up in a good location in their burnt-out house. It stood eight feet tall. They filled the stand with water, and layed out a skirt around the base of the tree. Even without ornaments, it looked pretty.

    Coniferous Treant
    Coniferous Treants are a more northerly cousin of the more common temperate treants. They, unlike regular treants, are smaller and more suited to colder climates. They also are dispassionate about good and evil.
    Large Plant
    Hit Dice:
    7d8+35
    Initiative: -1
    Speed: 20 ft.
    Armor Class: 19(-1 size, +10 natural)
    Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+17
    Attack: Slam +13 melee (2d6+7)
    Full Attack: 2 Slams
    Space/Reach: 10 ft/10 ft
    Special Attacks: Animate trees, double damage against objects, hail of needles 2d6+12 3/day
    Special Qualities: DR 10/slashing, darkvision, immune to cold, plant traits, vulnerability to fire.
    Saves: Fort +10, Ref +1, Will +7
    Abilities: str 25, dex 10, con 20, wis 14, Cha 14
    Skills: same as Treant
    Feats: Improved Sunder, Power Attack, Iron Will
    Environment: Cold Forests
    Organization: solitary, gove (4-7), or sales lot(20-100)
    Challenge Rating: 8
    Treasure: Standard
    Alignment: Usually True Neutral
    Advancement: 8-16 HD(Huge); 17-21 HD (Gargantuan)
    Level Adjustment: +5

    All abilities are the same as Treant except Hail of needles
    Hail of Needles (Ex): 15 ft. line, Reflex DC 22 half.


    As they were starting to put ornaments up, the tree attacked. It swung its arms in fury, and covered the entire room, and much of the people, in its sharp needles. Everyone fled. Johnny, nearing 0 HP, managed to grab a present from under it to take with the family.

    The tree claimed rulership over all the land, and nobody disputed this fact until three months into the new year. He got chopped down for firewood by the hunter that saved Little Red Riding Hood.

    The next night Johnny's mother read him the story of the Murder on the Polar Express. In it, there was a little bell given to the boy because he believed in Communism, and all of the Capitalists adults couldn't hear the bell. It was a happy story, as the boy eventually grew up and couldn't hear the bell. Johnny fell asleep and dreamt about the bell.

    In that dream, A carriage pulled by pegasi clattered to a stop in front of Johnny's tent (they couldn't stay in the house anymore). Johnny got on, and with all the other children, took a trip to the North by Northwest pole. There, Carey Grant gave him a bell just like the one in the story.

    He awoke from his sleep to find the present he had taken from under the rampaging tree in his hand. He pulled the slender ribbon off, and unrapped the green-and-red checkered paper. Inside was a bell! He rung it, and he heard the most beautiful, jingling oration of
    The Communist Manifesto that had ever been played.

    Bell of Indoctrination
    Medium Wondrous Item. The Bell of Indoctrination was made by Tyrranical Communist Devils plotting to destroy the Demon's chaotic, capitalistic nature with these seemingly innocent playthings.

    When someone of lawful alignment holds the bell, it whispers The Communist Manifesto. Usable once per day, the whisper becomes a shout, and it yells phrases from Mao's Little Red Book. This creates a confusion effect for anyone not of lawful alignment. Caster Level 8.
    Cost: 38,000 GP Caster Level 8th, Craft Wonderous Item. Strong Magical Aura.

    Johnny's parents were surprised to find out that he had become a communist overnight. They blamed it on the liberal media and resolved to beat it out of him.

    Johnny suffered hours of belting before renouncing his ideology. He then gave up the bell, which the father disassembled and crushed. A vortex rose out of the pieces, which economically devastated all it touched. Fortunately, they were nowhere near Johnny's father's shop. The Vortex schlepped off into the night.

    It was the second to last night of Channuckah, and Yours Truly was tired and didn't have much time left. So Johnny had a normal day.


    On the final night of Channukah, Johnny and his family watched The Hebrew Hammer, a hilarious portrayal of Judaism and Channukah-Christmas relations. Johnny swore that he too would train until he could reach his first level of Hebrew Hammer.

    Hebrew Hammer
    Prerequisites
    Languages: Hebrew
    Intelligence: 14
    Cha: 14
    Bab:+6
    Hebrew Hammer
    {table=head]Level|Base Attack<br>Bonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Special

    1st|
    +1
    |
    +2
    |
    +0
    |
    +2
    |Aura Of Judaism, Well Read, Sunset Powerlessness

    2nd|
    +2
    |
    +3
    |
    +0
    |
    +3
    |Canny Defense

    3rd|
    +3
    |
    +3
    |
    +1
    |
    +3
    |Guilt Trip 1/day

    4th|
    +4
    |
    +4
    |
    +1
    |
    +4
    |Sensitive, Uncanny Dodge

    5th|
    +5
    |
    +4
    |
    +1
    |
    +4
    |

    6th|
    +6
    |
    +5
    |
    +2
    |
    +5
    |Guilt Trip 2/day

    7th|
    +7
    |
    +5
    |
    +2
    |
    +5
    |Improved Uncanny Dodge

    8th|
    +8
    |
    +6
    |
    +2
    |
    +6
    |Greater Sex Appeal

    9th|
    +9
    |
    +6
    |
    +3
    |
    +6
    |Ally of Kwanzaa

    10th|
    +10
    |
    +7
    |
    +3
    |
    +7
    |Guilt Trip 3/day, Greater Guilt Trip[/table]

    Aura Of Judaism (su)
    the Hebrew Hammer radiates a jewish aura that causes non-jewish enemies -2 on all saving throws. penalty increases to -4 for gentile enemies.

    Guilt Trip (Su):
    As Cheif of the JJL, Bloomenbergansteinenthal put it, it is "Judaism's Greates Weapon." As a standard action, the Hebrew Hammer can initiate a guilt trip on a nearby enemy who shares a common language and is not deaf, and can hear the Hammer. The enemy may ignore the guilt trip with a Will saving throw equal to 10+Hammer's Level+Hammer's Bluff or Diplomacy modifier, whichever is higher. Failing the save, The Hammer may give a suggestion each round to the target for as long as the Hammer maintains concentration. However, concentration beyond one round provokes attacks of opportunities, but not from the target. If the Hammer tries to attack the target during this time, the effect is ended.

    Greater Guilt Trip (Su):
    Like Guilt Trip, but to a mass of creatures in a 50 ft. radius.

    Sunset Powerlessness(Su):
    For an hour after the sunset, the Hammer becomes helpless and tired. For ten minutes before the sunset, the Hammer can only take single actions.

    Well Read(Ex):
    The Hammer is a well-read fellow, able to discuss things of importance and intelligence with self-respecting ladies and gentlemen. The Hammer gets +2 on Bluff, Intimidate, and Diplomacy checks.

    Canny Defense(Ex):
    As the Duelist special ability, but not limited to melee weapons.

    Sensitive(Ex):The Hammer gets another +2 to Bluff and Diplomacy checks.

    Greater Sex Appeal(Ex):
    The hammer is a certified circumsiced semetic super-stud. Upon reaching 8th level, he immediately gains 2 charisma

    Ally of Kwanzaa(Ex):
    The Hammer is a natural ally of Kwanzaa. He gets +2 on Diplomacy Checks with Kwanzaa practitioners.

    Johnny didn't actually get any levels of Hammer overnight, so there's no story for that night.

    And now we come to Christmas Day. Dun-Dun-DUNNNN!

    Johnny opened the few presents the family had left, and was surprised to find what he had wanted - a level of Hebrew Hammer! Wow! Yipee! Even though he hadn't the prerequisites, had no cadillac, and was not circumcised, somehow his father got him a level of it!

    His sister was less lucky. Her presents were currently being opened by the Coniferous Treant. She asked to share his, and he said no. His mother told him to share, but upon realizing what the present was, she admitted that it could not be shared.


    That day they went over to their neighbors for Christmas Dinner. The neighbors begrudgingly accepted them, still irritated over the loss of the latkes.

    This time they had prepared Christmas Goose, a MASSIVE Pudding, Roast Beef, Trifle, and so much more. It looked delicious. They all served themselves, and then sat down to say grace.

    Elder Christmas Pudding
    These devious and delicious treats are prepared once a year by the evilest and most talented chefs in the Abyss. They are much smaller than Black Puddings, so that they can be practically served on a platter.
    Christmas Pudding

    Medium Ooze
    HD 13d10+80(Average HP)
    Speed 30 ft. (6 squares)
    Init: +3
    AC 12 (-1 Size, +3 Dex); touch 12; flat-footed 9
    BAB +9; Grp +23
    Attack Slam +13
    (2d6+8+1d6 acid)
    Full-Attack Slam +13
    (2d6+8+1d6 acid)
    Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
    Special Attacks: Acid, Constrict, Improved grab
    Special Qualities: Blindsight 60 ft. split, ooze traits
    Saves Fort +7 Ref +3 Will -2
    Abilities Str 16, Dex 16, Con 22, Int --, Wis 1, Cha 1
    Skills:--
    Feats: --
    Environment: Dining Rooms and Kitchens
    Organization solitary
    Challenge Rating 9
    Treasure: Nutrients
    Alignment: Always Evil
    Advancement:14-25 (Huge); 26-36(Gargantuan)
    Level Adjustment --

    The Pudding jumped to life when they grabbed their forks. It was no slow pudding like the one's Johnny had heard about; this was as nimble as a cat, and as deadly as a... Pudding.

    He went to action. With his Hammer skills, he pulled out a Desert Eagle, sidearm of choice of the Israeli Army, and put a cap up in that Pudding's Ass. Blam Blam!

    His neighbors were eternally grateful, but also eternally pissed off that they had pudding all over their house and bullet holes through everything (previously) expensive. Then Johnny and his family contemplated the meaning of Christmas, felt really nice, and went Carolling The end.



    (Wow, I'm surprised Johnny survived that, aren't you?)
    Last edited by lost_my_NHL; 2006-12-31 at 07:10 PM.
    ex scientia tridens

    A blast from the past... The town was barely established; the Mafia and Police battled for control of the new place; Trogs Tavern, Sneak, Dragon Temples, shops...

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    mikeejimbo's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2006

    Default Re: [GIFT] A Scary Christmas and A Happy Terror!

    Explosive Runes, I say. It seems more violent and in the evil spirit.
    Thanks to zegma for my awesome avatar.
    Proudly the founder of the Mr. Scruffy fanclub.
    We will not let Nessie down! http://www.petitiononline.com/PLEAOSAR/
    My DMs' Guild Stuff

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location

    Default Re: [GIFT] A Scary Christmas and A Happy Terror!

    Funny as hell, good job!
    "I reject your reality, and subsitute my own" -Adam Savage

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Planetar

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Where the Wargs thrive
    Gender
    Male

    Post Re: [GIFT] A Scary Christmas and A Happy Terror!

    As a golem, shouldn't the menorah have spell immunity?
    Do not mock the mighty Opera!

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Peregrine's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Western Australia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: [GIFT] A Scary Christmas and A Happy Terror!

    Quote Originally Posted by lost_my_NHL View Post
    Sorry Johnny.
    This about sums it up. Yes, you should be sorry. Damn funny though. Especially this:
    The xp from a single encounter against an enemy six levels higher than johnny provided him with his first class level.
    Perhaps give it a quick edit for spelling and grammar; you have "camptured souls of mortals", "A later reported seeing flames" ("A neighbour" perhaps?), and possibly other mistakes I overlooked on a quick look-through.
    I support paladins and the alignment system.

    My Homebrew Gaming Stuff (not updated lately) - My Campaign (ended)
    Homebrew licence:
    Spoiler
    Show
    All my homebrew stuff is released under the Open Game License, except where based on non-OGC work or otherwise stated. For Section 15:

    <name of homebrew here> Copyright <year first posted>, T. Pederick

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    lost_my_NHL's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    at my computer

    Default Re: [GIFT] A Scary Christmas and A Happy Terror!

    Finally Finished! Though I skimped on two of the nights... oh well.
    ex scientia tridens

    A blast from the past... The town was barely established; the Mafia and Police battled for control of the new place; Trogs Tavern, Sneak, Dragon Temples, shops...

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •