Coping With Adventuring Stress?

[Amaril]

Man, I never realized until recently just how stressful the adventuring life can be After my last Pathfinder session last night, during which we completed our current (small) mission and made plans to start our next session by planning our future agenda, I found myself thinking about all the stuff my character and our party need to deal with and all the work we have to get done. And it occurred to me--there's a lot of it. At the moment, my priority tasks (both party objectives and stuff my character needs or wants to do individually) include:

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• Investigating the ruins of a small town that was recently wiped out by undead minions of our evil Drow necromancer BBEG,
• Returning an NPC companion to one of the main city's ruling families and (hopefully) collecting a reward for bringing him back,
• Rounding up enough money and/or goods to pay off a contractual debt to the ruling merchant council of the same city, in exchange for letting us keep and use a pirate ship we captured for them,
• Finally bringing back the necessary funds to make the last essential repairs on said ship so we can take it out of the harbour,
• Using said ship to track down a high-ranking pirate fleet captain and stop his slavery ring from kidnapping any more children,
• Returning to a nearby elven village to check in with my father, who's staying there while recovering from briefly having been possessed by the Drow mage BBEG,
• Catching up on some long-delayed magical research to learn some new spells and make a few magic items,
• AND, if all that wasn't enough, finding somebody to take over running my family's orphanage so the kids aren't left basically on their own while my friends and I are busy saving the world.

And of course, because our DM is big on his world being alive and organic and not existing just for our benefit, the minute we decide to buckle down and focus on clearing out some of our piled-up quests, we're pretty much guaranteed to be leaving at least one settlement vulnerable to attack by any one of about five different enemy groups, most of which I haven't even mentioned. We haven't exactly been raking in the vast amounts of cash that you hear about adventurers making in stories--in fact, so far, after all the money we ever make inevitably goes to paying off our massive amounts of debt (which only seem to grow as time goes by), we've barely been managing to scrape by and afford food and lodging with what little money we have left.

Is it any wonder that both I and my character are starting to think that getting involved in all this stuff might have been a bit of a mistake?

So, my question is mainly one of roleplaying--what advice can you offer me for ways to cope with the pressure of an adventuring lifestyle, and hopefully get the situation a little more under control? Have you ever had characters locked in similarly hectic circumstances in the past? How did they deal with them? And, on a more metagame note, how can I approach my DM about the possibility of maybe allowing us a little bit more downtime once in a while?

[Coidzor]

It's not what your decisions as a player have done so much as that the DM is bound and determined to keep you poor and constantly harried so you can't do anything that would surprise him or actually impact the game world. The example of the ship, for instance. Docking fees are one thing (and should typically be discharged by doing a favor for the rulers in the form of an adventure), but having to pay a constantly mounting debt just to own a ship that you claimed in combat? That's just straight up DM BS right there.

Are you and the rest of the players completely on board with this game style? Because I'd recommend you guys getting together and discussing this with the DM if you're not, and you don't exactly sound thrilled.

[Amaril]

The example of the ship, for instance. Docking fees are one thing (and should typically be discharged by doing a favor for the rulers in the form of an adventure), but having to pay a constantly mounting debt just to own a ship that you claimed in combat? That's just straight up DM BS right there.

Wow, sorry, I think I must have given the wrong impression there. We're not paying docking fees on the ship--most people would have to, but because we're in the merchant council's employ, they're waiving the normal costs of keeping the ship there. The only problem we've ever had with keeping our ship docked for so long is that the harbor master was annoyed with us for a while, but considering he saw our ship get torched by bad guys, I highly doubt he blames us for leaving it there any more. The thing that bothers me about not setting sail is that it means we're ignoring the problem of the pirates kidnapping slaves from the region, but if we go and deal with them, we're ignoring the problem of the Drow and undead forces running around trying to bring their master back from the dead and cause an apocalypse.

Please, don't take any of this to mean we have a bad DM. We've been playing this game for a long time and, for the most part, all of us (including me) are having nothing but fun doing it. In a way, I kinda like that he's keeping us so busy--as trying as it may be for our characters, I actually do believe that it makes the world feel more alive and immersive. Also, I was exaggerating things a lot--I don't think we're actually falling any deeper into debt than we ever have been, it just kinda feels like we must be because we have so many errands piling up. And I've never once felt like our choices in this game don't matter or have an effect on the world (in fact, probably more than half the plot so far has been a direct result of butterfly effect from one little thing I did early on). That said, I definitely would appreciate our DM giving us a little more of a break occasionally, and I'd very much appreciate any advice on how to bring that up diplomatically and without causing any hard feelings.

[Grim Portent]

So, my question is mainly one of roleplaying--what advice can you offer me for ways to cope with the pressure of an adventuring lifestyle, and hopefully get the situation a little more under control? Have you ever had characters locked in similarly hectic circumstances in the past? How did they deal with them? And, on a more metagame note, how can I approach my DM about the possibility of maybe allowing us a little bit more downtime once in a while?

I've never had to deal with hectic or rushed circumstances yet, but I'd advise trying to sort out a list of priority objectives from your to do list.

Roleplay wise I'd suggest finding ways that seem IC as stress relief. Traditionally this would be taverns and wenches, but it could be anything really, playing an instrument when you make camp, attending high society events, stealing from the nobles and giving the profits to the poor. Skies the limit, just find a hobby that makes sense for you character and have them indulge in it when they can.

I'd advise you approach the GM and ask if it would be ok to get a few of the less vital things tied up without the world collapsing around your ears in the meantime. Maybe ask him to find some justification for delaying the undead for a while so you can get the orphanage sorted out properly for example.

[Scow2]

Roleplay wise I'd suggest finding ways that seem IC as stress relief. Traditionally this would be taverns and wenches, but it could be anything really, playing an instrument when you make camp, attending high society events, stealing from the nobles and giving the profits to the poor. Skies the limit, just find a hobby that makes sense for you character and have them indulge in it when they can.

But, if you're slumming around a tavern, the world is burning around you!

Maybe you should establish an Adventurer's Guild, drawing able-bodied people to fight the threats you can't personally attend to!

[Coidzor]

Wow, sorry, I think I must have given the wrong impression there. We're not paying docking fees on the ship--most people would have to, but because we're in the merchant council's employ, they're waiving the normal costs of keeping the ship there. The only problem we've ever had with keeping our ship docked for so long is that the harbor master was annoyed with us for a while, but considering he saw our ship get torched by bad guys, I highly doubt he blames us for leaving it there any more. The thing that bothers me about not setting sail is that it means we're ignoring the problem of the pirates kidnapping slaves from the region, but if we go and deal with them, we're ignoring the problem of the Drow and undead forces running around trying to bring their master back from the dead and cause an apocalypse.

I didn't think you were paying Docking Fees. I thought you had to pay for the right of owning a ship that you captured yourselves and were going deeper and deeper into debt as the DM continually screwed you over.

Apocalypse does seem like it'd take priority, yes.

Please, don't take any of this to mean we have a bad DM.

Your words and complaint about never getting any downtime could be taken as an issue with the game that you'd need to address by talking to the DM directly.

We've been playing this game for a long time and, for the most part, all of us (including me) are having nothing but fun doing it. In a way, I kinda like that he's keeping us so busy--as trying as it may be for our characters, I actually do believe that it makes the world feel more alive and immersive. Also, I was exaggerating things a lot--I don't think we're actually falling any deeper into debt than we ever have been, it just kinda feels like we must be because we have so many errands piling up. And I've never once felt like our choices in this game don't matter or have an effect on the world (in fact, probably more than half the plot so far has been a direct result of butterfly effect from one little thing I did early on). That said, I definitely would appreciate our DM giving us a little more of a break occasionally, and I'd very much appreciate any advice on how to bring that up diplomatically and without causing any hard feelings.

You're unlikely to do so, as 9 times out of 10, the DM is intentionally preventing you from having downtime. Granted, he should have just come out and said he wasn't going to give you time to craft to begin with if he was going to run the game like that, but many DMs aren't big on the idea of showing players common courtesy and think of it as coddling.

You're pretty much going to have to have at least one other player on board with you to discuss the downtime issue with your DM and get anything other than a terse "that's the way I run" at best.

[Amaril]

Maybe you should establish an Adventurer's Guild, drawing able-bodied people to fight the threats you can't personally attend to!

...You know, I never even considered this. Why should it always be us dealing with everything personally? I guess I just assumed we were the only ones with the training and skill to solve these problems, but that's BS! We're only 6th level, even the most low-powered Pathfinder worlds should have at least a few more people who are as strong as we are. And actually, getting more people to take on quests in the area wouldn't even require founding some kind of "adventurer's guild"--our party is already our own official mercenary company, it would just be a matter of recruiting more members and having them deal with stuff independently.

Ok, this is an awesome idea, I'll definitely look into it. Anyone have any new advice that might be helpful for this?

[Rakaydos]

...You know, I never even considered this. Why should it always be us dealing with everything personally? I guess I just assumed we were the only ones with the training and skill to solve these problems, but that's BS! We're only 6th level, even the most low-powered Pathfinder worlds should have at least a few more people who are as strong as we are. And actually, getting more people to take on quests in the area wouldn't even require founding some kind of "adventurer's guild"--our party is already our own official mercenary company, it would just be a matter of recruiting more members and having them deal with stuff independently.

Ok, this is an awesome idea, I'll definitely look into it. Anyone have any new advice that might be helpful for this?

When you pitch the idea to the players, point out to the DM that the other parties are less effective than the PCs and more likely to screw up- leaving the PCs to clean up their mess.

[Scow2]

I didn't think you were paying Docking Fees. I thought you had to pay for the right of owning a ship that you captured yourselves and were going deeper and deeper into debt as the DM continually screwed you over.

Apocalypse does seem like it'd take priority, yes.

They do have to pay for the right of owning a ship that they were contracted to return - otherwise, they're no better than the pirates they claimed it from. They probably got it at a discount from the guild as well, given that they were the ones to go out, retrieve it, and close the matter of the ship. Had they not bought it back from the merchant company, said company would have hired another band of more honorable mercenaries to get the job done right.

Your words and complaint about never getting any downtime could be taken as an issue with the game that you'd need to address by talking to the DM directly.

Well... to be fair, they don't have to run themselves ragged. They've just embraced their Samaritan Syndrome.

You're unlikely to do so, as 9 times out of 10, the DM is intentionally preventing you from having downtime. Granted, he should have just come out and said he wasn't going to give you time to craft to begin with if he was going to run the game like that, but many DMs aren't big on the idea of showing players common courtesy and think of it as coddling.

You're pretty much going to have to have at least one other player on board with you to discuss the downtime issue with your DM and get anything other than a terse "that's the way I run" at best.

Well, if the party does need more downtime, they can say "Screw the world" for a while, and hope things sort themselves out without the Big Damn Heroes coming in to save the day.

When you pitch the idea to the players, point out to the DM that the other parties are less effective than the PCs and more likely to screw up- leaving the PCs to clean up their mess.

Right - it's not a complete replacement for adventuring, but it does allow your characters to sleep well at night knowing the Kobold Infestation bothering Town Y (That would normally be beneath the skill of your party, but nobody else is around to dispatch) is in good hands, or can buy downtime to allow the party "Big Guns" to get on the scene when they're ready.

[Coidzor]

They do have to pay for the right of owning a ship that they were contracted to return - otherwise, they're no better than the pirates they claimed it from. They probably got it at a discount from the guild as well, given that they were the ones to go out, retrieve it, and close the matter of the ship. Had they not bought it back from the merchant company, said company would have hired another band of more honorable mercenaries to get the job done right.

If they were contracted for the capture of the ship, sure.

Maybe they got it at a discount, maybe they didn't. Going into debt instead of having to provide the more conventional service suggests otherwise though.

Well... to be fair, they don't have to run themselves ragged. They've just embraced their Samaritan Syndrome.

Or will the DM just create some new calamity if they tried to sort their affairs out? It seems more likely that the DM would keep the pace even if they weren't actively trying for running them ragged. Having multiple, disparate BBEGs on the board at once competing for attention doesn't really seem like the party choosing to run ragged.

Well, if the party does need more downtime, they can say "Screw the world" for a while, and hope things sort themselves out without the Big Damn Heroes coming in to save the day.

Usually when I encounter these sorts of things, forcing the issue with the DM like that tends to lead to the DM doing some variety of rocksfalling on them if they're really intent on running the PCs ragged and confusion and annoyance if it's all just a lot of miscommunication and misinterpretation about what kind of game is being run/played. The players should communicate with the DM to find out what the issue actually is first, always.

[Scow2]

If they were contracted for the capture of the ship, sure.

Maybe they got it at a discount, maybe they didn't. Going into debt instead of having to provide the more conventional service suggests otherwise though.

They could have just returned the ship to the company instead of working out a deal to keep it for themselves.

Or will the DM just create some new calamity if they tried to sort their affairs out? It seems more likely that the DM would keep the pace even if they weren't actively trying for running them ragged. Having multiple, disparate BBEGs on the board at once competing for attention doesn't really seem like the party choosing to run ragged.

It's a big, living world. If they don't take care of the problem at one point, someone else might do so (in a different manner, changing the outcome of things), or it goes off and the party merely has to oppose that BBEG on the next leg of their plan instead of the first.

Usually when I encounter these sorts of things, forcing the issue with the DM like that tends to lead to the DM doing some variety of rocksfalling on them if they're really intent on running the PCs ragged and confusion and annoyance if it's all just a lot of miscommunication and misinterpretation about what kind of game is being run/played. The players should communicate with the DM to find out what the issue actually is first, always.

Choosing to sit out for a while is usually a sign to the DM that they have too much on their plate right now.

[Amaril]

They do have to pay for the right of owning a ship that they were contracted to return - otherwise, they're no better than the pirates they claimed it from. They probably got it at a discount from the guild as well, given that they were the ones to go out, retrieve it, and close the matter of the ship. Had they not bought it back from the merchant company, said company would have hired another band of more honorable mercenaries to get the job done right.

I think I should explain the exact details of our agreement with the council, and the circumstances leading up to it. Essentially, what happened was that the old drunk trapper in town started talking about hearing voices and seeing lights from the old abandoned house of the serial killer on the nearby island, and the mayor sent all volunteers (including us) to investigate the place. What we found was that it was being used as part of a smuggling route by the pirates, who, on the night we were lying in ambush for them, sailed this ship up to the town under cover of darkness. Long story short, we captured the ship from them, and in the morning, the town guards came out to seize the boat and all goods on board (we may or may not have hidden some of the valuable stuff away before they got there--after all, we did risk our lives against the pirates for no compensation from the town, so they sort of owed us ). So now the council has the ship impounded, and we have leads on the pirate organization's leadership, so we approach them and ask whether they might consider releasing the ship to us, considering we captured it from the pirates in the first place. They agreed, on the condition that we use the ship to make occasional shipments of trade goods and treasure to the town while we were out adventuring, and these seemed like reasonable terms to us, so we agreed. Unfortunately, before we could set sail on the ship, I did something kind of stupid and pissed off some bad guys who weren't supposed to show up until later in the campaign, and they torched the ship badly enough that it needed repairs before it could sail, which we didn't have the money for, so we went off on some other quests to raise funds, and that stuff led us to other vital quests, etcetera etcetera, you get the idea. I personally don't see any problem with the situation (except feeling kinda bad that most of the distractions are indirectly my fault), but I have to admit it's starting to wear me down a bit at the table, to say nothing of the stress my character is going through.

Well... to be fair, they don't have to run themselves ragged. They've just embraced their Samaritan Syndrome.

We're very much the type of party who, when told by the poor peasants that they'll give us all their money to rescue their kidnapped villagers from Drow slavers, will say "keep your money--we don't need a reward for doing a good deed". So the hole in which we find ourselves might sort of be our own doing, but at least we get to feel smug and superior about not being murderhobos

[Scow2]

We're very much the type of party who, when told by the poor peasants that they'll give us all their money to rescue their kidnapped villagers from Drow slavers, will say "keep your money--we don't need a reward for doing a good deed". So the hole in which we find ourselves might sort of be our own doing, but at least we get to feel smug and superior about not being murderhobos

Might I suggest revising this policy so that, instead of rejecting payment entirely, you work out reasonable compensation plans that are equitable to the town - The initial "We'll give anything!" is probably too emotion-driven to accept, but it probably means they do have enough to reasonably part with in return for the services rendered, which can offset expenses incurred by the party, if not turn at least a small profit. While it's not just that they suffered the adventurer-needing calamity, it's also not just for your party to be expected to take care of the problem without any compensation at all.

Really, all you need to do to not be Murderhobos is demand payment before deciding whether to save a town or not.

[Amaril]

Might I suggest revising this policy so that, instead of rejecting payment entirely, you work out reasonable compensation plans that are equitable to the town - The initial "We'll give anything!" is probably too emotion-driven to accept, but it probably means they do have enough to reasonably part with in return for the services rendered, which can offset expenses incurred by the party, if not turn at least a small profit. While it's not just that they suffered the adventurer-needing calamity, it's also not just for your party to be expected to take care of the problem without any compensation at all.

Really, all you need to do to not be Murderhobos is demand payment before deciding whether to save a town or not.

Sorry, that's me exaggerating again. What I should say is that we won't refuse to help someone if they can't pay us quite as much as we'd like. In the example I hinted at, the villagers had promised 1000 silver marks (quite a lot of money, especially for a tiny village of poor woodcutters), but when we got there, we found out that half that money had been stolen by another mercenary group that demanded half pay up-front and then ran off. They might have been able to scrape together some more of the promised reward, but it would have meant some of them starving. What we eventually agreed on was that they'd pay us the remaining 500 when got the job done, as well as sending some of their surplus lumber downriver to the city for use in repairing our ship, and if we ever found the thieves who'd taken the other half of the money, we'd bring it back and let them keep it. So yeah, more along the lines of what you suggested.

[TheCountAlucard]

At various stages of a game I played, my character's means of "relaxation" ranged from sparring privately with friends, to participating in martial arts tournaments, to performing strongman/iron body performances, to giving motivational speeches, to practicing katas, to teaching martial arts, to "private time" with his wife, to stomping around in his giant robot, to ruling a city as one of its god-kings, to punching a staircase into a mile-high cliff, to meditating for seven months straight, to shouting down Undead Cthulhu, to learning a new language, to zipping around the world in a magic jet.

Yes, this was all one character. Fun times.