[3.5] Critical Effects

[Sir Chuckles]

I am a sucker for flavor text.
Unfortunately, my players are punks who will take every bit of flavor text as literal meaning, leaving me unable to say "You smash it in the face with your club." without getting a "Does that mean he can't use his bite attack now?".

Therefore, I went and wrote out a list of critical effects of just what happens when someone confirms that neat little nat 20, so that I could say my flavor text with gruesome details on what just happens when you stab that man in the chest.

Dropbox link.

It bases the additional effect on hit location (d%) and a second d% roll from a list.
Different weapon types do different effects, like a one-handed blunt will not sever an arm, but a two-handed slashing might.
I added in energy types, as well.

But take in mind that this is a very rough draft. I've used it in a campaign where I was slapping Dolorous Blow onto the Rogue's Rapier, and it was working decently enough.
It added a bit of extra rolling, but with a d100 on hand it made it a bit easier.

I want to improve it, make it more logical, and get general feedback for edits.

[DedWards]

Not sure if you know of these:

Critical Hit Deck
Critical Fumble Deck

We used them a few times and they're a LOT of fun

[Sir Chuckles]

Not sure if you know of these:

Critical Hit Deck
Critical Fumble Deck

We used them a few times and they're a LOT of fun

I've seen those but three problems came up:
1) I didn't like them.
2) Magic is bundled into one group.
3) I have no money and my players are cheap.

I should've added in that I've scoured the internet for variant crits, but never found any that I liked.

[DedWards]

I've seen those but three problems came up:
1) I didn't like them.

Well, to each his own.

2) Magic is bundled into one group.

I normally play martial classes, so I've not seen this as a problem before...

3) I have no money and my players are cheap.

This I mite have a solution to. I have found .pdf files with all the cards. If you want them, PM me.