Any "cheesy" homebrew out there?

[gurgleflep]

By cheesy, I don't mean the term we use frequently here in the forums I mean literal cheese. I'm looking for things like weapons, classes, monsters, domains, spells, plane of existance, etc. made out of Swiss, muenster, gouda, Parmesan, cheddar (sharp, extra sharp, smoked, mild), ricotta, cottage, bleu, limburger, feta, American, colby jack, asiago, pepper jack, etc.
And for those of you wondering why: I recently watched some Codename: Kids Next Door and saw the Cheese Shogun episode aaaand I quite like the Daedric Prince of Madness, Sheogorath.

Spoiler: This is the Cheese Shogun.

Show

Anyway, anything cheese related is good and very much appreciated I need something silly to throw at my players because they've been good sports and dealt with some pretty serious stuff lately - I need to lighten the mood.

[LordErebus12]

Nacho Cheeze Ooze, anyone?

[gurgleflep]

That would be dangerously cheesy. I like it!

[LordErebus12]

That would be dangerously cheesy. I like it!

You say that now, but when a orange displacer beast in sunglasses shows up and starts misbehaving, you're gonna have a bad time.

[KiCowboy]

Once upon a time in Deadlands I made a mad scientist fixated on his vision that cottage cheese was the cornerstone of civilization's salvation. Over 30 variations of this curdled miracle were produced - ranging from the dried nutrient dense "C Rations" sponsored by one of the railways and adopted by frontier military outposts, various "booster" strains, all the way to an unstable contact explosive batch loaded into "curdle cap" shotgun slugs. Never was a party more fearful of having their doctor patch them up. Yeah, the immuno-booster surgical filler was really gross . . .

[gurgleflep]

You say that now, but when a orange displacer beast in sunglasses shows up and starts misbehaving, you're gonna have a bad time.

A displacer Brie-st? :P Chester Cheetah, awesome.

Once upon a time in Deadlands I made a mad scientist fixated on his vision that cottage cheese was the cornerstone of civilization's salvation. Over 30 variations of this curdled miracle were produced - ranging from the dried nutrient dense "C Rations" sponsored by one of the railways and adopted by frontier military outposts, various "booster" strains, all the way to an unstable contact explosive batch loaded into "curdle cap" shotgun slugs. Never was a party more fearful of having their doctor patch them up. Yeah, the immuno-booster surgical filler was really gross . . .

What's Deadlands? All that cottage cheese sounds pretty fun :)

[KiCowboy]

Deadlands is a "Weird West" setting. Take a cowboy story. Add zombies, magic, and steam punk to taste. Mad Science could emulate the effects of magic, but with the potential for terrible malfunctions. Oh, and insanity. Such as an unhealthy obsession . . .

I'll look for some old sheets and try to throw in an edit/update with a list of cottage cheese gadgets.

[MandibleBones]

An NPC Iron Chef could easily be cheese-themed, if I may be so bold as to promote my handiwork :-)

[gurgleflep]

Deadlands is a "Weird West" setting. Take a cowboy story. Add zombies, magic, and steam punk to taste. Mad Science could emulate the effects of magic, but with the potential for terrible malfunctions. Oh, and insanity. Such as an unhealthy obsession . . .

It sounds... interesting, among other things. I'm afraid to look it up due to how odd it seems though

An NPC Iron Chef could easily be cheese-themed, if I may be so bold as to promote my handiwork :-)

I gave it a quick once-over and gotta admit that looks pretty fun, thanks for linking to it
I feel that with the name of the class this is appropriate: "Allez cuisine!"

[Debihuman]

Where I got this, I have no idea.

Cheese Golem
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 5d10+30 (57 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 11 (-1 size, -1 dex, +3 natural) Touch 8, Flat-footed 11
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+11
Attack: Slam +6 melee (1d6+6)
Full Attack: 2 slams +6 melee (1d6+6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Abilities: Stench
Special Qualities: Construct traits, damage reduction 10/Slashing, darkvision 60 ft., immunity to magic, low-light vision
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +0, Will +1
Abilities: Str 19, Dex 9, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: -
Feats: -
Environment: The moon, Restaurants and Switzerland
Organization: Solitary or gang (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 6-9 HD (Large), 10-18 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: -

"You see a vaguely humanoid shape made of cheese"

This golem has a humanoid body made of cheese. It stands 10 feet tall and weighs around 500 pounds.

Combat

Cheese golems were first constructed by a mad gourmet mage, the golem uses its great cheesy arms to pummel people.

Immunity to magic (Ex): Like all golems, the cheese golem is immune to any magical effect that is subject to spell resistance.

Stench (Su): The cheese golem emits a horrible smell that causes anyone within 30 feet of it to become nauseated for as long as they stay in the aura (Fort save DC 12 reduces the nauseated to sicken instead). Creatures with scent suffer a -4 penalty to their saves against this ability. Creatures without a sense of smell are immune to this ability.

Weaknesses: Cheese golems suffer 50% additional damage from fire and have no immunity to fire based spells or effects. When subjected to a fire based spell or effect the cheese golem is automatically slowed for 1 round per spell level. In addition, the golem suffers double damage from bite attacks.

Construction: A cheese golem is created from at least 1000 pound of cheese. Assembling the body requires a successful DC 15 Profession (Chef) check.

CL: 5th; Craft construct; stinking cloud, Caster must be at least 5th level; Price 6.500; Cost: 3.250 + 260 XP

[gurgleflep]

I don't know where you got it from either, but it's cheese, a golem, delicious, and I thank you

And because it's an awesome quote from an awesome guy...

Originally spoken by Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness
"Wonderful! Time for a celebration... Cheese for everyone! Wait, scratch that. Cheese for no one. That can be just as much of a celebration, if you don't like cheese, true?"

[Soris Atham]

How about: Cheese Block Gelatinous Cube?

Your players could fight a giant 10' x 10' cheese cube that is immune to impaling/crushing weapons.

Special Attacks could include: Surprise on a 1-4 (d6), fear 20' radius, or overwhelming smell (saving throw vs poison or -2 on attack)

-Happy Hunting!

[gurgleflep]

What kind of cheese cube would be gelatinous though? I really like the idea I just don't know any gelatin like cheeses

[Afool]

Make it very holey Swiss. People are sucked in through the holes which constrict around the person, which accounts for suffocation as well as the *acid* damage either chamged to bludgeoning damage or have the acid damage come from a horride cheese smell.

For punny damage make the Swiss divine

[Sgt. Cookie]

Perhaps the cube is made of Philadelphia?

[DecimalPoint]

"you do have some cheese do you?"
"certainly sir, it's a cheese shop sir, we've got-"
"nono, don't tell me, I'm keen to guess."
You could make a quest around that sketch?

As for actual homebrew, cheese grater for a weapon?
Having said that, a large one would be more suited as a torture device..

how about camembert grenades? functionally the same as tanglefoot bags with the exception of everyone within 10ft of it must make a fort save or become sickened.

[Soliloquy]

I like the cheese golem. Let's put it in the Muenster Manual (that has to be a book).

Also, for the gelatinous Cheese, you could use something like brie.

We could also make a Keen Cheddar sword. It would be extra sharp.

The moment I saw

Cheese golems were first constructed by a mad gourmet mage, the golem uses its great cheesy arms to pummel people.

I knew. Gourmage.

[Eldan]

"Swiss" Cheese is a filthy abomination. Switzerland makes some 300 kinds of cheeses and none are even similar to that rubbery crap Americans call "Swiss".

[Afool]

"Swiss" Cheese is a filthy abomination. Switzerland makes some 300 kinds of cheeses and none are even similar to that rubbery crap Americans call "Swiss".

*Makes note of another thing that needs doing when I visit Switzerland*

[Bhu]

I have an Edible GOlem somewhere, it could prolly be made of cheese.

[Soris Atham]

Cheesy Scenario

Have your players discover a lost colony, where the villagers worship a giant mouse-god named, Sq'eek. The players could be seen as heretics and offered as a sacrifice.

When the players escape, Sq'eek will show his displeasure by erupting a volcano filled with molten provolone.

[Bhu]

"Swiss" Cheese is a filthy abomination. Switzerland makes some 300 kinds of cheeses and none are even similar to that rubbery crap Americans call "Swiss".

recommendations?

[Elricaltovilla]

What kind of cheese cube would be gelatinous though? I really like the idea I just don't know any gelatin like cheeses

Brie is liquidy at slightly above room temperature, but has a solid outer skin.

[Eldan]

recommendations?

Bit of a difficult question, no? Hard, half-hard, soft, weak, strong, fresh, old, cow, goat or sheep? Spiced or plain? Big brand or local hand-made? Limits on budget?

[dspeyer]

Stench (Su): The cheese golem emits a horrible smell that causes anyone within 30 feet of it to become nauseated for as long as they stay in the aura (Fort save DC 12 reduces the nauseated to sicken instead). Creatures with scent suffer a -4 penalty to their saves against this ability. Creatures without a sense of smell are immune to this ability.

Perhaps the DC should increase if the golem has recently taken slashing damage?

Meanwhile...


Legendary Lactobaccilus

{TABLE]Size/Type:|Fine Vermin
Hit Dice:|1d8+-2 (2 hp)
Initiative:|-1
Speed:|1 ft (0.2 squares), swim 1ft
Armor Class:|18 (+8 size,-1 dex, +1 natural), touch 17, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:|+0/-21
Attack:|flagellum +7 melee (1) or lactic acid spray +7 ranged (1 acid)
Full Attack:|3 flagella +7 melee (1) and lactic acid spray +7 ranged (1 acid)
Space/Reach:|1ft/0ft
Special Attacks:|
Special Qualities:|Mitosis
Saves:|Fort +0, Ref -1, Will -4
Abilities:| Str 1, Dex 8, Con 6, Int -, Wis 2, Cha 4
Skills:|Hide +15
Feats:|Weapon Finesse
Environment:|Dairy Products
Organization:|Too Many to Count
Challenge Rating:|1/2
Treasure:|
Alignment:|Always Neutral
Advancement:|None
Level Adjustment:|-
[/TABLE]

Mitosis
If left undisturbed with plenty of food, a Legendary Lactobacillus can become two Legendary Lactobacilli in 20 minutes.

Skills
A Legendary Lactobaccilus can take 10 on swim checks even when rushed or threatened.

[gurgleflep]

Sgt. Cookie: Are you referring to cream cheese?

Soliloquy: Those puns/suggestions are so cheesy

Bhu: Edible golem? I actually think I've seen it, it was part of a food-related homebrew thread and somebody linked to it... Of course, I could be totally wrong - I'll look through your `brew that I've got access to now in search of it

Elricaltovilla: Thanks for the cheese info. Other than the name, that's now the only bit of information I know about brie ._.

Eldan: How about you recommend some of your favorites? I've only had cheese from Switzerland once and it was courtesy of a family friend. Best cheese ever!

dspeyer: A dairy-related bacteria as a monster? I can honestly say that's not something I'd expected to see.
I guess as a "fine" size though, it'd be pretty hard to see unless it was in the form of a statblock

[Bhu]

Bit of a difficult question, no? Hard, half-hard, soft, weak, strong, fresh, old, cow, goat or sheep? Spiced or plain? Big brand or local hand-made? Limits on budget?

I generally like italian cheeses (Grana padano, parmagiano, fresh mozzarella, asiago, provolone), mexican (queso asadero), American (Muenster, Farmers cheese, Monterey Jack, Colby), Gruyere, and Havarti. I despise ricotta, cottage cheese, and blue cheese. Hopefully that gives you an idea of what I've had, and what my tastes are.

There's spiced cheese?

[lunar2]

Deadlands is a "Weird West" setting. Take a cowboy story. Add zombies, magic, and steam punk to taste. Mad Science could emulate the effects of magic, but with the potential for terrible malfunctions. Oh, and insanity. Such as an unhealthy obsession . . .

I'll look for some old sheets and try to throw in an edit/update with a list of cottage cheese gadgets.

so, basically borderlands?

[Fates]

"Swiss" Cheese is a filthy abomination. Switzerland makes some 300 kinds of cheeses and none are even similar to that rubbery crap Americans call "Swiss".

Hrm. I've been living in the states for years, and to my understanding there's no one universally agreed-upon "Swiss" cheese. In fact, is seems several varieties are marketed as Swiss- oftentimes, it seems it's just whatever has holes in it. Some are actually half-decent, and not at all rubbery- of course, I'm living in Wisconsin, so the chances of finding good cheese are significantly higher than in most of the country.