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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Wording challenge: Shorten Prestidigitation?

    I am, as some may know, working on an RPG system.

    I want to create an effect like Prestidigitation, i.e. a bunch of minor effects in one spell. However, there is a problem: word count. I need to have as few words as possible... and I have no idea how to do it.

    I am OK losing some of the effects, as the basic idea is what is important. And I need it squeezed into as few words as possible. Important note: you can not call out Prestidigitation by name, as the rules must be self-contained.

    I realize this is a difficult task but, can anyone help? Thank you in advance.

    My Homebrew-Estote clementes, et numquam desinete discere.-FanAdv

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    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wording challenge: Shorten Prestidigitation?

    Call it "Trick," "Twiddle," "Meddle," "Cantrips" or "Conjure?" I haven't read your setting, so I don't know if any of these are already things, but those are the one-word solutions I can think of.

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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Wording challenge: Shorten Prestidigitation?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Call it "Trick," "Twiddle," "Meddle," "Cantrips" or "Conjure?" I haven't read your setting, so I don't know if any of these are already things, but those are the one-word solutions I can think of.
    The issue here isn't the letter count in the name, it is the word count to describe what it does (although keeping the letter count down is good too).

    My Homebrew-Estote clementes, et numquam desinete discere.-FanAdv

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    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wording challenge: Shorten Prestidigitation?

    Quote Originally Posted by qwertyu63 View Post
    The issue here isn't the letter count in the name, it is the word count to describe what it does (although keeping the letter count down is good too).
    Oh, I misread what you were saying. So you want it to do the same thing in fewer words?

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: Wording challenge: Shorten Prestidigitation?

    The very first thing that comes to mind is "You can do anything requiring 20 watts of power over a contiguous volume no smaller than a cubic centimeter and no larger than a cubic meter. Effects cannot leave this volume."

    But I don't think that's very helpful.

    Hmm. I'll think on this.
    Last edited by Drachasor; 2013-12-03 at 02:10 PM.

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    Titan in the Playground
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    Default Re: Wording challenge: Shorten Prestidigitation?

    Well, there's definitely a lot of pretty extraneous text. How about:
    For one hour, once per round you can color, clean, or soil items in a one foot cube, and lift, chill, warm, or flavor one pound of material. Additionally, you can create small objects which are crude, artificial, and fragile, and cannot be used as tools, weapons, or spell components. You can not deal damage, affect the concentration of spellcasters, or duplicate other spell effects. Effects beyond cleaning, soiling, and movement, only persist for the duration of the spell.
    I think the only thing left out here is the fact that the chilling, warming, and flavoring can only be used on non-living material, which would likely necessitate another sentence. It's still wordy, but it's a start, and drops the count from 137 to 79. Not bad.
    Last edited by eggynack; 2013-12-03 at 02:15 PM.

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    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wording challenge: Shorten Prestidigitation?

    Spoiler: Prestidigitation
    Show
    Prestidigitations are minor tricks that novice spellcasters use for practice. Once cast, a prestidigitation spell enables you to perform simple magical effects for 1 hour. The effects are minor and have severe limitations. A prestidigitation can slowly lift 1 pound of material. It can color, clean, or soil items in a 1-foot cube each round. It can chill, warm, or flavor 1 pound of nonliving material. It cannot deal damage or affect the concentration of spellcasters. Prestidigitation can create small objects, but they look crude and artificial. The materials created by a prestidigitation spell are extremely fragile, and they cannot be used as tools, weapons, or spell components. Finally, a prestidigitation lacks the power to duplicate any other spell effects. Any actual change to an object (beyond just moving, cleaning, or soiling it) persists only 1 hour.
    137 words

    Spoiler: Meddle
    Show
    Meddle allows you to use several magical abilities within 10 feet for 1 hour. For the duration, you may:

    - Slowly lift 1lb of any material.
    - Clean or soil an object.
    - Alter the colour, taste or temperature of an object for the duration
    - Create small, unrealistic, useless objects for the duration

    You cannot damage, hinder or target another creature with Meddle.
    64 words, including the range and duration.

    Will that do?

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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Wording challenge: Shorten Prestidigitation?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Oh, I misread what you were saying. So you want it to do the same thing in fewer words?
    I want the same basic idea of minor tricks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Spoiler: Prestidigitation
    Show
    Prestidigitations are minor tricks that novice spellcasters use for practice. Once cast, a prestidigitation spell enables you to perform simple magical effects for 1 hour. The effects are minor and have severe limitations. A prestidigitation can slowly lift 1 pound of material. It can color, clean, or soil items in a 1-foot cube each round. It can chill, warm, or flavor 1 pound of nonliving material. It cannot deal damage or affect the concentration of spellcasters. Prestidigitation can create small objects, but they look crude and artificial. The materials created by a prestidigitation spell are extremely fragile, and they cannot be used as tools, weapons, or spell components. Finally, a prestidigitation lacks the power to duplicate any other spell effects. Any actual change to an object (beyond just moving, cleaning, or soiling it) persists only 1 hour.
    137 words

    Spoiler: Meddle
    Show
    Meddle allows you to use several magical abilities within 10 feet for 1 hour. For the duration, you may:

    - Slowly lift 1lb of any material.
    - Clean or soil an object.
    - Alter the colour, taste or temperature of an object for the duration
    - Create small, unrealistic, useless objects for the duration

    You cannot damage, hinder or target another creature with Meddle.
    64 words, including the range and duration.

    Will that do?
    That edit looks very promising. I will be working with it further (removing the duration for my own use and likely dropping a function to lower the word count further), but thank you.

    My Homebrew-Estote clementes, et numquam desinete discere.-FanAdv

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