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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Orc in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

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    While Ive never played before, the homebrews and SRD looked cool, so I decided to try brewing up a class. Please help me balance it, make it reasonable, fix glaring errors, etc. Also, please tell me if this should use some sort of spell list. Im just figuring those out


    The Shard Knight

    Hit die: d8

    Abilities: As a powerful melee combatant, Strength is a very important ability for Shard Knights. Finally, Wisdom is crucial, as it increases the amount of clusters a Shard Knight can use at a time.

    Races: Most Shard Knights are humanoids, but otherwise, it can be any race.

    Alignment: any lawful or chaotic alignment. Shard Knights are not passive people.

    Background: Many Shard Knights are either parts of cults or act as elite soldiers, fighting for order or abiding by the cultís rules, or are anarchists/rebels, creating chaos and freedom.

    Weapon and armor proficiencies:
    The Shard Knight is proficient in all swords and daggers, including the bastard sword as an exotic weapon. He is proficient in light, medium, and armor, but not any form of shields. If the character multi classed to Shard Knight, they immediately lose shield proficiency.Note: many Techniques require an unoccupied off hand.

    Skills: Balance(Dex), Climb(Str), Heal(Wis), Hide(Dex), Intimidate(Cha), Tumble(Dex), Use rope(Dex), Escape artist(Dex), Sense motive(Wis), Sleight of hand(Dex), Spot(Wis), Disable device(Int), Autohypnosis(Wis).

    Skill Points at each level: 4 + Int Modifier

    {table=head]Level|Base Attack Bonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Special

    1st|+1|+2|+0|+2|Wind Slash, Recall

    2nd|+2|+3|+0|+3|Suplex Stab

    3rd|+3|+3|+1|+3|Empty Hand

    4th|+4|+4|+1|+4|Shockwave

    5th|+5|+4|+1|+4|Particle Lift

    6th|+6/+1|+5|+2|+5|Skewer

    7th|+7/+2|+5|+2|+5|Shardic Blades

    8th|+8/+3|+6|+2|+6|Empty Set

    9th|+9/+4|+6|+3|+6|Cluster Plate

    10th|+10/+5|+7|+3|+7|Greater Shockwave

    11th|+11/+6/+1|+7|+3|+7|Unleashed Hate

    12th|+12/+7/+2|+8|+4|+8|Maglev

    13th|+13/+8/+3|+8|+4|+8|Hurricane Slash

    14th|+14/+9/+4|+9|+4|+9|Particulated Blade

    15th|+15/+10/+5|+9|+5|+9|Shunpo

    16th|+16/+11/+6/+1|+10|+5|+10|Static Shards

    17th|+17/+12/+7/+2|+10|+5|+10|Brainstorm

    18th|+18/+13/+8/+3|+11|+6|+11|Greater Particulated Blade

    19th|+19/+14/+9/+4|+11|+6|+11|Inner Hate

    20th|+20/+15/+10/+5|+12|+6|+12|Final Hate

    [/table]

    Techniques:
    Shard Knights use clusters as a resource for using many of their Techniques. These refer to the small metallic shards they control. When not in use, the shards orbit the Shard Knight's body. A Shard Knight has [class level]/2 + [wisdom] clusters. A cluster used in a constant effect Technique, such as Cluster Plate, can be accessed at any time, but can only be repurposed every other round. An Technique that is not a continuous effect leaves the shards where the struck (or missed) the target, and return back to the Shard Knight 2 squares per round.

    Executions: Executions are Techniques that only can be used when they would kill the targeted enemy. Said enemy must also be below 1/3 health. If the enemy is not killed by the execution, the user is vulnerable to an attack of opportunity. If the attack of opportunity hits, it deals critical damage. If the execution is successful, the Shard Knight regains half of the damage dealt as health, or gains only a quarter of the damage as health and regains five lost constitution points. All executions are cost 1 standard action.

    Suplex stab (level 2) Can only be used while flanking an enemy, requires a melee weapon and 1 cluster.You stab the target, throw it behind you, and drill your weapon into its chest. Deals melee damage + 1.5 times your class level. At level 10 this increases to 2 times your class level.

    Empty set. (Level 8). Can only be used on helpless, stunned, or dazed enemies. Said enemies must have a heart. Requires 2 clusters and an unoccupied hand. You cluster shards around your hand to form a metal claw, plunge the claw into the enemy's chest, and rip it's heart out, dealing (class level/3)^2 + 1d6 damage + 1d4 constitution damage for 2 rounds. At level 15 this becomes (class level/3)^2 + 4d4 damage + 1d4 constitution damage for 2 rounds.

    Brainstorm (level 17). Can only be used on enemies somehow suspended in the air. Said enemy must have a brain. Requires 3 clusters and an unoccupied hand. You send shards into the brain of the enemy through any opening in the head, including the eye sockets and ears. This deals (class level/2)^2 + 2d10 damage, deals 1d6 damage to intelligence, charisma and wisdom, and blinds the enemy(save negates). Enemies who survive are rendered stunned. This Technique can only be used once every 3d4 rounds.

    Non-Execution Techniques

    Non-Execution techniques use 1 standard action, unless stated otherwise.

    Wind Slash (level 1). Requires 2 clusters and an unoccupied hand. You slice through the air with a sheet of shards, dealing [class level] x 4 damage and staggering the enemy.

    Recall (level 1). You return all your shards away from you back to your person, making them available for use.

    Empty Hand (level 3). Requires 2 clusters. You can now grab items up to 10 pounds per class level(15 per level if it is a ferrous metal) with magnetism from up to six squares away, carrying them with shards and magnetic energy.

    Shockwave (level 4). requires 1 cluster. You swing your weapon with massive force, assisted by magnetism. This deals 1.5 times regular attack damage, 1d6 force damage, and 1d6 sonic damage. This also stuns the enemy(if save, only staggers) and knocks it back 1 square. However, it also causes 1 temporary constitution damage, which recovers in 2 rounds from the massive bodily exertion required.

    Particle Lift (level 5). Requires 4 clusters (5 for large, 6 for huge, etc). You slide the clusters along the ground, and when they are underneath the target, you lift them and the clusters up to 20 feet up into the air for up to 2 rounds. Reflex save negates. This does not do damage, and is safe to use on friendly targets, though the target is staggered over the duration of the Technique, and takes fall damage upon itís end.

    Skewer (level 6) requires 5 clusters. You launch a harpoon formed of shards at a target enemy up to 15 yards (9 squares) away. Upon hitting the enemy, it deals [class level]d4 . You then can either choose to knock the target prone and stunned or pull it toward you as a swift action, staggering it and placing it 1 square away from you, making the shards available your next turn. If you choose neither, the target is rendered dazed and remains in place.

    Shardic Blades (level 7)The Shard Knight forms a blade in his unoccupied hand. This uses 2 clusters to form a claw, which acts as a dagger, 3 to from a shortsword, and 5 to from a longsword. These weapons have a 19-20/x2 critical chance. The hand equipping this weapon is still considered unoccupied for the purposes of using other Techniques.

    Cluster Plate (level 9) The Shard Knight forms plates of tightly clustered shards to defend himself. This requires 2 clusters to add 1 AC(armor bonus), and can be used up to five times at once.

    Greater Shockwave (level 10) The Shard Knight can now use Shockwave up to three times per round. Each time the Technique is used on the same enemy consecutively, it deals an additional 1d6 force damage and 1d6 sonic damage. Upon the third strike, it also deals 2d4 lightning damage and knocks the target back ten yards (six squares). The enemy takes 1d6 bludgeoning damage if it hits a wall or barrier before traveling backwards.

    Unleashed Hate (level 11) The Shard Knight unleashes emotions bottled up for weeks, months, or even years. This Technique requires a target. The Shard Knight gains blindsight and can now use shockwave without the constitution penalty until the target is dead or for [class level]/2 + 1d4 rounds, whichever comes first. Upon the end of the Technique, all un-taken constitution damage is divided by two and taken retroactively. If said constitution damage would cause the characterís score to pass below zero, he is instead left unconscious with 1 constitution and -1 hit points.

    MagLev (level 12) Requires three clusters. The Shard Knight can now levitate with the power of magnetism. He gains a fly speed equal to his run speed x 1.5, and is immune to effects that would hurt him if he was on the ground.

    Hurricane Slash (level 13) Requires 7 clusters and an unoccupied hand. A simple gust of metal shards is not enough. This Technique acts the same as a standard wind slash, but hits all enemies within 3 squares of the Shard Knight, and deals an additional 1d4 force and 1d4 lightning damage.

    Particulated Blade (level 14) Requires 1 cluster. You can now impart you blade (or Shardic Blade) with one of the following enhancements (+1):
    Flaming: You have shards on the blade create friction, heating it to burning temperature.
    Keen: Shards swirl around the tip of the blade, extending out to hit farther enemies and extending your reach
    Shock: You use your power of magnetism to make your blade crackle with static electricity, electrocuting enemies on hit.
    Vicious: Shards swirl around the blade at high speed, shredding the flesh of friend and foe alike(though mostly that of foe).
    Wounding: Shards embed themselves in the wounds formed by the blade, ripping blood vessels as they leave.
    Returning: Shards embed themselves in the hilt of the blade, pulling it back to you in the case of disarmament. This can be used even if the weapon would normally not qualify for this Technique.

    Shunpo (level 15) Requires 2 clusters (only 1 if MagLev is active). You dash through the target enemy, appearing behind it and leaving a trail of shards behind. This deals weapon damage to the target enemy, and renders it flat footed. This cannot be used if there are obstacles between you and the enemy. If you are asked how you do this, you legitimately donít know.

    Static Shards (level 16) Requires all clusters to be on your person. As a full round action, you impart all your shards with massive amounts of static electricity, causing all of your Techniques to do 2d6 additional lightning
    damage for 2 rounds, but commits 1/4 of your shards to maintaining the static electricity. This includes Shardic Blades.

    Greater Particulated Blade (level 18) Requires 1 Cluster. You can now impart your blade (or Shardic Blade) with any of the following enhancements (+1 unless axiomatic/anarchic). This can be used in conjunction with Particulated Blade (level 14).
    Anarchic (+2): Your shards work in conjunction with your chaotic ideals, swirling randomly and hurting those of order.
    Axiomatic (+2): Your shards work in conjunction with you lawful ideals, swirling in an orderly manner and hurting those of chaos.
    Flaming Burst: Shards rapidly slide together, creating massive friction in short bursts, causing fiery explosions occasionally upon hits.
    Throwing/Seeking: You can now through your blade at high speed, carried by shards, and magnetically curve its path to strike enemies.
    Shocking Burst: You use your powers of magnetism to make your blade randomly intensely crackle with electricity, occasionally causing electric discharges upon hits.
    Thundering: You strike with massive magnetically assisted force, occasionally shattering the ear drums (and bones) of your victims with sonic energy.

    Inner Hate (level 19) When under the effects of Unleashed Hate, you can use Inner Hate, which clears all visible emotion from your body and controls your body as an exact, calculated vessel of rage. Unleashed Hate lasts twice as long, and you gain a +5 bonus to accuracy with all attacks and Techniques, along with +5 AC and +5 to all saves. Along with this, the target is aware of what is going on, and becomes sickened and dazzled.

    Final Hate (level 20) You must prepare this Technique at least 5 minutes before it is used by completing a 1 hour long ritual. Upon being killed, this Technique becomes active. You return to life with full health as an undead. You instantly gain Unleashed Hate, gain telepathy, and you gain MagLev for free(it doesn't require shards). Your heart turns to crystal and ignites with fire, and your eyes begin blazing in their sockets. You remain in this form until you kill whatever caused your death, you take a damage equal to twice your hit points, or for five minutes. When you kill the target enemy, you return to normal life. If you have taken more damage than you have hit points, but less than twice your original hit points, you are left unconscious with 1 constitution and -1 hit points. The defeated target cannot be raised from the dead with anything short of a miracle or wish. If you take more than twice your original hit point in damage, or five minutes elapse, you fall to your knees, stagger back, then burn to ashes, which are rapidly scattered. When under the effects of this Technique, you can use Greater Skewer.
    Greater Skewer (level 20) Requires five clusters. Rather than launching one harpoon of shards, you launch five, impaling the wrists, ankles, and heart of the target. This functions exactly the same as a standard Skewer, except you gain a +2 to all rolls and enemies struck by it are also rendered helpless.
    Last edited by Leviting; 2014-01-11 at 08:24 PM. Reason: removed dex requirement

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Orc in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

    Join Date
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    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    --Reserved--

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
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    Las Vegas

    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    Just a few things I noticed personally, Seeing as you're looking for corrections, Anything I bolded and underlined I'll have a spoiler placed underneath it for why I highlighted it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Leviting View Post
    The Shard Knight

    Hit die: d6

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    For a Medium Armored Melee Combatant, it seems a little unfair to give them less hitpoints than a cleric would have, they come off as durable to me, but with a d6 hitdie they're likely to die in a few rounds pulling what you'd like them to pull. Maybe a d8, maybe a d10 if youre feeling generous


    Abilities: As a powerful melee combatant, Strength is a very important ability for Shard Knights. However, as a user of light and medium armor, Dexterity is also important. Finally, Willpower Wisdom is crucial, as it increases the amount of clusters a Shard Knight can use at a time.

    Races: Most if not all Shard Knights are humanoids, but otherwise, it can be any race.

    Alignment: any lawful or chaotic alignment. Shard Knights are not passive people.

    Background: Many Shard Knights are either parts of cults or act as elite soldiers, fighting for order or abiding by the cultís rules, or are anarchists/rebels, creating chaos and freedom.

    Weapon and armor proficiencies:
    The Shard Knight is proficient in all swords and daggers, including the bastard sword as an exotic weapon. He is proficient in light and medium armor, but not any form of shields. If the character multi classed to Shard Knight, they immediately lose shield proficiency.Note: many Techniques require an unoccupied off hand.

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    Its not often that a class gets a free exotic weapon proficiency unless the class is designed to run around that weapon, but your call, it just seems out of place


    Skills: Balance(Dex), Climb(Str), Heal(Wis), Hide(Dex), Intimidate(Cha), Tumble(Dex), Use rope(Dex), Escape artist(Dex), Sense motive(Wis), Sleight of hand(Dex), Spot(Wis), Disable device(Int), Autohypnosis(Wis).

    Skill Points at each level: 5 + Int Modifier

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    5? Why an odd number? Why not 4? I rarely see odd number skillpoints, sometimes it slips, but rarely. Your call



    {table=head]Level|Base Attack Bonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Special

    1st|+1|+2|+0|+2|Wind Slash, Recall

    2nd|+2|+3|+0|+3|Suplex Stab

    3rd|+3|+3|+1|+3|Empty Hand

    4th|+4|+4|+1|+4|Shockwave

    5th|+5|+4|+1|+4|Particle Lift

    6th|+6/+1|+5|+2|+5|Skewer

    7th|+7/+2|+5|+2|+5|Shardic Blades

    8th|+8/+3|+6|+2|+6|Empty Set

    9th|+9/+4|+6|+3|+6|Cluster Plate

    10th|+10/+5|+7|+3|+7|Greater Shockwave

    11th|+11/+6/+1|+7|+3|+7|Unleashed Hate

    12th|+12/+7/+2|+8|+4|+8|Maglev

    13th|+13/+8/+3|+8|+4|+8|Hurricane Slash

    14th|+14/+9/+4|+9|+4|+9|Particulated Blade

    15th|+15/+10/+5|+9|+5|+9|Shunpo

    16th|+16/+11/+6/+1|+10|+5|+10|Static Shards

    17th|+17/+12/+7/+2|+10|+5|+10|Brainstorm

    18th|+18/+13/+8/+3|+11|+6|+11|Greater Particulated Blade

    19th|+19/+14/+9/+4|+11|+6|+11|Inner Hate

    20th|+20/+15/+10/+5|+12|+6|+12|Final Hate

    [/table]



    Techniques:
    Shard Knights use clusters as a resource for using many of their Techniques. These refer to the small metallic shards they control. A Shard Knight has [class level]/2 + [wisdom] clusters. A cluster used in a constant effect Technique, such as Cluster Plate, can be accessed at any time, but can only be repurposed every other round. An Technique that is not a continuous effect leaves the shards where the struck (or missed) the target, and return back to the Shard Knight 2 squares per round.

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    Heres where things are getting sloppy... well, not sloppy, just odd. very odd.

    Shard Knights use clusters as a resource for using many of their Techniques. These refer to the small metallic shards they control. A Shard Knight has [class level]/2 + [wisdom] clusters. This is fine, Nothing to fret about.

    A cluster used in a constant effect Technique, such as Cluster Plate, can be accessed at any time, but can only be repurposed every other round. An Technique that is not a continuous effect leaves the shards where the struck (or missed) the target, and return back to the Shard Knight 2 squares per round

    Every Other Round seems wicked confusing. I understand what every other round means however with multiple shards this whole process will be very confusing. You could just allow the Shard Knight to use a Swift Action to relocate his shards.

    Where the struck (or missed) the target, <-- Grammar? and return back to the Shard Knight 10ft per round
    Make sure to clarify how many feet, and not squares, otherwise you're leaving it an open ended rule.


    Executions: Executions are Techniques that only can be used when they would kill the targeted enemy. Said enemy must also be below 1/3 health. If the enemy is not killed by the execution, the user is vulnerable to an attack of opportunity. If the attack of opportunity hits, it deals triple damage. If the execution is successful, the Shard Knight regains half of the damage dealt as health, or gains only a quarter of the damage as health and regains five lost constitution points. All executions are cost 2 standard actions.

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    Few things here,

    Said enemy must also be below 1/3 health. How will the player know? DM's should normally not be throwing out hitpoint totals, if its a players risk, then it shouldnt be a fraction of the health, but a guestimate of the player and her ability to deal damage.

    it deals triple damage. Triple Total Damage? Why not just make it a critical hit. That'll save a lot of debate. Because if your knight happens to be flanked and gets an attack of opportunity from a high SA Rogue You're looking at a one hit KO. Bad Idea.

    the Shard Knight regains half of the damage dealt as health, or gains only a quarter of the damage as health and regains five lost constitution points. But... Why? Are they Vampiric? I'm all for Health regen, (Not sure if they always lose constitution points but if not then I dont know why they'd have the ability to regain them) but only if they have good reason to be regenerating, aka vampiric. Maybe just make a shard ability called Blood transfusion or Wound transfer using the shard as a medium to channel pain.

    All executions are cost 2 standard actions.: This... I dont even... You should avoid making anything cost multiple standard actions, or multiple actions.

    Your other Options:
    1: A Full Round Action
    2: A Standard Action in a grapple
    3: A Full Round Action in a grapple.

    The grapple will make it take additional actions to get the grapple going if thats what youre looking for.



    Suplex stab (level 2) Can only be used on enemies facing away from you at melee range, requires a melee weapon and 1 cluster.You stab the target, throw it behind you, and drill your weapon into its chest. Deals melee damage + 1.5 times your class level. At level 10 this increases to double 2 times your class level.

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    Does the target move at all? Does it require a strength check? From what I'm reading, I can suplex stab dragons because theres no strength or size restriction. And more often than not, enemies are not "facing away from you" Theyre just a peg in the middle of a 5ft square. Change that to "Must be Flanking Enemy"?


    Empty set. (Level 8). Can only be used on helpless, stunned, or dazed enemies. Said enemies must have a heart. Requires 2 clusters and an unoccupied hand. You cluster shards around your hand to form a metal claw, plunge the claw into the enemy's chest, and rip it's heart out, dealing (class level/3)^2 + 1d6 damage + 1d4 constitution damage for 2 rounds. At level 15 this becomes (class level/3)^2 + 4d4 damage + 1d4 constitution damage for 2 rounds.

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    Um, (Class Level/3)^2 Although simple math, is a bit... much to be doing on the spot. Yes Players could have a chart made for them, Or you could make one for them. Just make it like... (Class Level^3)/3 or something like that? But make a chart for them, dont force them to make a chart. I dont personally want to play a new class if I have to build the class a little too.


    Brainstorm (level 17). Can only be used on enemies somehow suspended in the air. Said enemy must have a brain. Requires 3 clusters and an unoccupied hand. You send shards into the brain of the enemy through any opening in the head, including the eye sockets and ears. This deals (class level/2)^2 + 2d10 damage, deals 1d6 damage to intelligence, charisma and wisdom, and blinds the enemy(save negates). Enemies who survive are rendered stunned. This Technique can only be used once every 3d4 rounds.

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    Suspended in the air is a massive requirement to do something,
    Also, again with the square roots and formulas, see above.

    Stunned for how long?

    mayhaps instead of restricting this to how often you can use it, Maybe the knight shatters one of his shards, blows the dust into someones face, getting into their head, and tears up their brain, The shard will reform the next morning?


    Non-Execution Techniques

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    What actions do these take? Pretty important to note otherwise someone can Windslash recall cheese anyone to death


    Wind Slash (level 1). Requires 2 clusters and an unoccupied hand. You slice through the air with a sheet of shards, dealing [class level] x 4 damage and staggering the enemy.

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    Straight and to the point, I like it


    Recall (level 1). You return all your shards away from you back to your person, making them available for use.

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    A solid Technique, But does this instantly allow them to form into your hand? Do these shards require a satchel? Or do they float?


    Empty Hand (level 3). Requires 2 clusters. You can now grab items up to 10 pounds per class level(15 per level if it is a ferrous metal) with magnetism from up to 10 yards (six squares) away, carrying them with shards and magnetic energy.

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    Yards? Nothing otherwise wrong with the skill


    Shockwave (level 4). requires 1 cluster. You swing your weapon with massive force, assisted by magnetism. This deals 1.5 times regular attack damage, 1d6 force damage, and 1d6 sonic damage. This also stuns the enemy(if save, only staggers) and knocks it back five feet (1 square). However, it also causes 1 temporary constitution damage, which recovers in 2 rounds. This can only be used once per round.

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    What makes you take constitution damage from it?

    This can only be used once per round. ??? The others can be spammed?


    Particle Lift (level 5). Requires 4 clusters. You slide the clusters along the ground, and when they are underneath the target, you lift them and the clusters up to 20 feet up into the air for up to 2 rounds. This does not do damage, and is safe to use on friendly targets, though the target is staggered over the duration of the Technique, and takes fall damage upon itís end.

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    The other skill makes... sense I suppose. But this needs a Reflex save. and maybe a Cluster per size category. Aka 4 for medium, 5 for large, etc. Because otherwise, again, Youre just lifting dragons and making them completely stunned.


    Skewer (level 6) requires 5 clusters. You launch a harpoon formed of shards at a target enemy up to 15 yards (9 squares) away. Upon hitting the enemy, it deals [class level]d4 damage and sta??. You then can either choose to knock the target prone and stunned or pull it toward you as a swift action, staggering it and placing it 1 square away from you. If you choose neither, the target is rendered dazed and remains in place.

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    If the target is skewered and pulled to you, Do the shards come with?


    Shardic Blades (level 7)The Shard Knight forms a blade in his unoccupied hand. This uses 2 clusters to form a claw, which acts as a dagger, 4 to from a shortsword, and 7 to from a longsword. These weapons have a 19-20/x2 critical chance. The hand equipping this weapon is still considered unoccupied for the purposes of using other Techniques.

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    The Cluster usage for this is HIGH, 7 just for a Long sword? Does the player need TWF feats for all this or take penalties? Because otherwise thats 4 shards, and 4 or so feats. Huge Pain


    Cluster Plate (level 9) The Shard Knight forms plates of tightly clustered shards to defend himself. This requires 2 clusters to add 1 AC, and can be used up to five times at once.

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    Good, No complaints here. but is it to your Armor bonus? Deflection? Natural Armor?


    Greater Shockwave (level 10) The Shard Knight can now use Shockwave up to three times per round. Each time the Technique is used on the same enemy consecutively, it deals an additional 1d6 force damage and 1d6 sonic damage. Upon the third strike, it also deals 2d4 lightning damage and knocks the target back ten yards (six squares). The enemy takes 1d6 bludgeoning damage if it hits a wall or barrier before traveling backwards.

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    Are there any saves for these? Most of these seem like the need saves. This would be a reflex save.


    Unleashed Hate (level 11) The Shard Knight unleashes emotions bottled up for weeks, months, or even years. This Technique requires a target. The Shard Knight gains blindsight and can now use shockwave without the constitution penalty until the target is dead or for [class level]/2 + 1d4 rounds, whichever comes first. Upon the end of the Technique, all un-taken constitution damage is divided by two and taken retroactively. If said constitution damage would cause the characterís score to pass below zero, he is instead left unconscious with 1 constitution and -1 hit points.

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    Im not even sure what this is. Basically a shock wave spam until the target or you dies?


    MagLev (level 12) Requires three clusters. The Shard Knight can now levitate with the power of magnetism. He gains a fly speed equal to his run speed x 1.5, and is immune to effects that would hurt him if he was on the ground.

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    Run Speed? Or Base Land Speed? BLS is usually 30ft, Run speed is anywhere from 90 - 150ft


    Hurricane Slash (level 13) Requires 7 clusters and an unoccupied hand. A simple gust of metal shards is not enough. This Technique acts the same as a standard wind slash, but hits all enemies within five yards (3 squares) of the Shard Knight, and deals an additional 1d4 force and 1d4 lightning damage.

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    Why yards? Why not feet?


    Particulated Blade (level 14) Requires 1 cluster. You can now impart you blade (or Shardic Blade) with one of the following enhancements (+1):
    Flaming: You have shards on the blade create friction, heating it to burning temperature.
    Keen: Shards swirl around the tip of the blade, extending out to hit farther enemies and extending your reach
    Shock: You use your power of magnetism to make your blade crackle with static electricity, electrocuting enemies on hit.
    Vicious: Shards swirl around the blade at high speed, shredding the flesh of friend and foe alike(though mostly that of foe).
    Wounding: Shards embed themselves in the wounds formed by the blade, ripping blood vessels as they leave.
    Returning: Shards embed themselves in the hilt of the blade, pulling it back to you in the case of disarmament. This can be used even if the weapon would normally not qualify for this Technique.

    Shunpo (level 15) Requires 2 clusters (only 1 if MagLev is active). You dash through the target enemy, appearing behind it and leaving a trail of shards behind. This deals weapon damage + [your dexterity] to the target enemy. This cannot be used if there are obstacles between you and the enemy. If you are asked how you do this, you legitimately donít know.

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    Huh? Dexterity Damage? So this is basically just a charge attack that wastes your shards and puts you on the other side?


    Static Shards (level 16) Requires all clusters to be on your person. As a full round action, you impart all your shards with massive amounts of static electricity, causing all of your Techniques to do 2d6 additional lightning
    damage for 2 rounds. This includes Shardic Blades.

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    Okay, No Penalty? Shards dont fuse together to become double shards? Why would we not always be doing this?


    Greater Particulated Blade (level 18) Requires 1 Cluster. You can now impart your blade (or Shardic Blade) with any of the following enhancements (+1 unless axiomatic/anarchic). This can be used in conjunction with Particulated Blade (level 14).
    Anarchic (+2): Your shards work in conjunction with your chaotic ideals, swirling randomly and hurting those of order.
    Axiomatic (+2): Your shards work in conjunction with you lawful ideals, swirling in an orderly manner and hurting those of chaos.
    Flaming Burst: Shards rapidly slide together, creating massive friction in short bursts, causing fiery explosions occasionally upon hits.
    Throwing/Seeking: You can now through your blade at high speed, carried by shards, and magnetically curve its path to strike enemies.
    Shocking Burst: You use your powers of magnetism to make your blade randomly intensely crackle with electricity, occasionally causing electric discharges upon hits.
    Thundering: You strike with massive magnetically assisted force, occasionally shattering the ear drums (and bones) of your victims with sonic energy.

    Inner Hate (level 19) This Technique takes 2 actions. When under the effects of Unleashed Hate, you can use Inner Hate, which clears all visible emotion from your body and controls your body as an exact, calculated vessel of rage. Unleashed Hate lasts twice as long, and you gain a +5 bonus to accuracy with all attacks and Techniques, along with +5 AC and +5 to all saves. Along with this, the target is aware of what is going on, and becomes sickened and dazzled.

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    2, Actions. No. Bad.




    Final Hate (level 20) You must prepare this Technique at least 5 minutes before it is used by completing a 1 hour long ritual. Upon being killed, this Technique becomes active. You return to life with full health as an undead. You instantly gain Unleashed Hate, gain telepathy, and you gain MagLev for free(it doesn't require shards). Your heart turns to crystal and ignites with fire, and your eyes begin blazing in their sockets. You remain in this form until you kill whatever caused your death, you take a damage equal to twice your hit points, or for five minutes. When you kill the target enemy, you return to normal life. If you have taken more damage than you have hit points, but less than twice your original hit points, you are left unconscious with 1 constitution and -1 hit points. The defeated target cannot be raised from the dead with anything short of a miracle or wish. If you take more than twice your original hit point in damage, or five minutes elapse, you fall to your knees, stagger back, then burn to ashes, which are rapidly scattered. When under the effects of this Technique, you can use Greater Skewer.
    Greater Skewer (level 20) Requires five clusters. Rather than launching one harpoon of shards, you launch five, impaling the wrists, ankles, and heart of the target. This functions exactly the same as a standard Skewer, except you gain a +2 to all rolls and enemies struck by it are also rendered helpless.

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    This... Ill worry about this later, We've got more to work on until then. Lol.
    All in all, its a bit rough, but with some polishing it looks promising, a very cool concept. Keep it up mate ^^

  4. - Top - End - #4
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    Ziegander's Avatar

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    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    Crestfallen hits all the concerning points, so pay attention to her critique. Other than that, I just wanted to say, this is the most unique and ambitious first homebrews I've ever seen. You've never played before, so I'm surprised the mechanics are as solid as they are (albeit understandably flawed), but you've got a melee fighter with a really nifty resource mechanic and a slew of in-combat options. For someone who's never played the game, you've done a better job on your first homebrew at designing a melee class than a lot of homebrewers and certainly better than the D&D 3.5 Core designers that actually wrote the game.

    GREAT JOB!
    Homebrew


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    Special Thanks: Kymme! You and your awesome avatarist skills have made me a Lore Warden in addition to King of Fighter Fixes!

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    Quote Originally Posted by Ziegander View Post
    Crestfallen hits all the concerning points, so pay attention to her critique. Other than that, I just wanted to say, this is the most unique and ambitious first homebrews I've ever seen. You've never played before, so I'm surprised the mechanics are as solid as they are (albeit understandably flawed), but you've got a melee fighter with a really nifty resource mechanic and a slew of in-combat options. For someone who's never played the game, you've done a better job on your first homebrew at designing a melee class than a lot of homebrewers and certainly better than the D&D 3.5 Core designers that actually wrote the game.

    GREAT JOB!
    Concurred.

    I apologize if I came off a bit... Strong? I suppose is the right word for it, I meant not to offend but more to criticize.

    The fact that you have a very well rounded fighter, one that IMO surpasses the versatility of Duskblades, Hexblades, and any other melee caster around.

    You've managed to build a class (on your first go to top it off) that fights fully well in melee combat, as well as deals a great amount of crowd control, which in a bulky melee class is fantastic.

    Not to mention, Your class specifically runs equally successful in the same amount of ability scores as other blends, such as Paladins (~4), Duskblades (~4), Hexblades (~4), and everything inbetween.

    Had you removed a bit of the dexterity requirement, and pumped this class up to a heavy armored build, You'd be running on 3, something the Paladin should have accomplished, but we all know paladins are... sub par.

    But all in all, like I said before, along with Ziegander...

    An excellent concept, and very well written homebrew. I look forward to seeing more from you, You should also consider reading some of the homebrew contests for more ideas and to gain more experience in the general idea of homebrew. Even enter them, You could fair quite well.

  6. - Top - End - #6
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    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    with the whole wisdom/willpower thing, that was just due to seeing the word "will save" and playing WAY TOO MUCH Elder Scrolls

  7. - Top - End - #7
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    EvilClericGuy

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    wink Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    and the five was a typo

  8. - Top - End - #8
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    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    Quote Originally Posted by Crestfallen View Post
    Concurred.

    I apologize if I came off a bit... Strong? I suppose is the right word for it, I meant not to offend but more to criticize.

    The fact that you have a very well rounded fighter, one that IMO surpasses the versatility of Duskblades, Hexblades, and any other melee caster around.

    You've managed to build a class (on your first go to top it off) that fights fully well in melee combat, as well as deals a great amount of crowd control, which in a bulky melee class is fantastic.

    Not to mention, Your class specifically runs equally successful in the same amount of ability scores as other blends, such as Paladins (~4), Duskblades (~4), Hexblades (~4), and everything inbetween.

    Had you removed a bit of the dexterity requirement, and pumped this class up to a heavy armored build, You'd be running on 3, something the Paladin should have accomplished, but we all know paladins are... sub par.

    But all in all, like I said before, along with Ziegander...

    An excellent concept, and very well written homebrew. I look forward to seeing more from you, You should also consider reading some of the homebrew contests for more ideas and to gain more experience in the general idea of homebrew. Even enter them, You could fair quite well.
    what do you mean by 3 and 4 and stuff?

  9. - Top - End - #9
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    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    and what is TWF feats?

  10. - Top - End - #10
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    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    Overall, this class looks really freakin' amazing. TWF is an abbreviation for two-weapon fighting, and Crestfallen were referring to the number of relevant ability scores that your class should have a decent stat in.
    Last edited by Nevershutup; 2014-01-11 at 01:28 AM.

  11. - Top - End - #11
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    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: The Shard Knight:My first Homebrew

    removed dex requirement, added heavy armor proficiency.

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