Caring for infants with an all-male party?

[Alent]

Babies are pretty well cursed as it is. I doubt it'll get much worse than that.

I would be curious if the DM rules that you still have to diaper change a baby being fed by a cursed ring of sustenance.

[Rubik]

I would be curious if the DM rules that you still have to diaper change a baby being fed by a cursed ring of sustenance.

I vote "NO."

[Chronos]

Historically, one solution to this problem was to soak a rag in sugar-water and let the baby suck on that. It's far from ideal, of course, but it'll keep the kid alive until you can reach civilization.

Given that goodberries are magically nutritious, I'd have to expect that they'd work at least as well as a sugar-rag, and probably significantly better.

[Kelb_Panthera]

All I can really think to say is that reading this thread has convinced me that adventurers should not partake in child care before retirement.

Good gods, man. Curses, transmutations, somebody suggested hollowing out an undead creature for a play-pen. Could you imagine the damage this kind of stuff would do to a small child's psyche if it continued for longer than just a few days?


................ I have a new BBEG. He was raised by active adventurers using many of the previously made suggestions. His mind has been irrevocably warped by being in near constant danger since before he could walk and has been subjected to all of the weird magics that adventurers are regularly subjected too. He was even killed and raised more than once as a child.

[Telonius]

All I can really think to say is that reading this thread has convinced me that adventurers should not partake in child care before retirement.

Good gods, man. Curses, transmutations, somebody suggested hollowing out an undead creature for a play-pen. Could you imagine the damage this kind of stuff would do to a small child's psyche if it continued for longer than just a few days?


................ I have a new BBEG. He was raised by active adventurers using many of the previously made suggestions. His mind has been irrevocably warped by being in near constant danger since before he could walk and has been subjected to all of the weird magics that adventurers are regularly subjected too. He was even killed and raised more than once as a child.

While the heroes are the ones who were dropped off somewhere.

In fact, where they got dropped off determines their class. Paladins and Clerics were dropped off at the local temple; Druids and Rangers, raised by wolves and whatnot; Monks, at the monastery; Rogues, at the orphanage. Fighters were the kids that were old enough to get away on their own when their village was being burned down.

[HaikenEdge]

................ I have a new BBEG. He was raised by active adventurers using many of the previously made suggestions. His mind has been irrevocably warped by being in near constant danger since before he could walk and has been subjected to all of the weird magics that adventurers are regularly subjected too. He was even killed and raised more than once as a child.

Would that even work? If I recall correctly, according to the DMG, most NPCs don't even have levels.

[Rubik]

All I can really think to say is that reading this thread has convinced me that adventurers should not partake in child care before retirement.

Good gods, man. Curses, transmutations, somebody suggested hollowing out an undead creature for a play-pen. Could you imagine the damage this kind of stuff would do to a small child's psyche if it continued for longer than just a few days?


................ I have a new BBEG. He was raised by active adventurers using many of the previously made suggestions. His mind has been irrevocably warped by being in near constant danger since before he could walk and has been subjected to all of the weird magics that adventurers are regularly subjected too. He was even killed and raised more than once as a child.

On the bright side, the kid probably hit level 20 before his second birthday.

[Coidzor]

Babies are pretty well cursed as it is. I doubt it'll get much worse than that.

True That.

All I can really think to say is that reading this thread has convinced me that adventurers should not partake in child care before retirement.

Good gods, man. Curses, transmutations, somebody suggested hollowing out an undead creature for a play-pen. Could you imagine the damage this kind of stuff would do to a small child's psyche if it continued for longer than just a few days?


................ I have a new BBEG. He was raised by active adventurers using many of the previously made suggestions. His mind has been irrevocably warped by being in near constant danger since before he could walk and has been subjected to all of the weird magics that adventurers are regularly subjected too. He was even killed and raised more than once as a child.

I have only one thing to say to that, "GO TEAM VENTURE!"

Although... speaking of BBEGs...

[Alent]

On the bright side, the kid probably hit level 20 before his second birthday.

"It was horrific, they made me a level 20 commoner. I wasn't even old enough to choose my own feats. But I got even, oh yes I did. my "Aunt" made the mistake of introducing me to a psion who knew psionic reformation, and one of his friends taught me to dark chaos shuffle... and that made all the difference."

[Kelb_Panthera]

True That.



I have only one thing to say to that, "GO TEAM VENTURE!"

Although... speaking of BBEGs...

I didn't click either of the latter links, my desktop doesn't get along well with youtube, but the reference to the Venture Bros. made me laugh hard enough I couldn't explain what was so funny to my wife before she lost interest.

[Knaight]

Would that even work? If I recall correctly, according to the DMG, most NPCs don't even have levels.

Level 1 characters come back with 2 lower constitution.

[HaikenEdge]

Level 1 characters come back with 2 lower constitution.

Again, the DMG states most NPCs most NPCs don't even have levels, ie, are Level 0.

[Gemini476]

Again, the DMG states most NPCs most NPCs don't even have levels, ie, are Level 0.

...I'm fairly certain that zeroth level was only a thing in older editions; Level 1 Commoner is the default now.

[Coidzor]

Again, the DMG states most NPCs most NPCs don't even have levels, ie, are Level 0.

Aside from the baby being a specific case, my recollection is that it's mostly just that most NPCs are simply not statted at all.

Or maybe most NPCs are children and babbies?

[HaikenEdge]

...I'm fairly certain that zeroth level was only a thing in older editions; Level 1 Commoner is the default now.

Huh, I thought I read that out of the 3.5 DMG, but I can't find the entry now, so maybe it was from the 3.0 DMG. My fault.

However, what would be the Con score of a baby human?

[Coidzor]

Huh, I thought I read that out of the 3.5 DMG, but I can't find the entry now, so maybe it was from the 3.0 DMG. My fault.

However, what would be the Con score of a baby human?

Not too great is the general consensus as I recall. :/

[Knaight]

However, what would be the Con score of a baby human?

There are no stats. Odds are good it won't be high though - though it's a stat that could conceivably be decent, where Strength has no business being that way.

[12owlbears]

Teleport the baby to some where safe and far away from an adventurers.

[Isamu Dyson]

Summon a celestial female.

[HaikenEdge]

Summon a celestial female.

Or an fiendish one, if your party is so inclined.

[Isamu Dyson]

Or an fiendish one, if your party is so inclined.

You'd have to do some sweet-talking, and I would honestly be leery of feeding an infant hellish breast milk (tieflings get a pass, because they are mostly human).

[HaikenEdge]

You'd have to do some sweet-talking, and I would honestly be leery of feeding an infant hellish breast milk (tieflings get a pass, because they are mostly human).

Unless you wanted an RP reason why the child grew up to have the fiendish template (or something like that), for, say, when you want to play as that child after said child grows up.

[rmnimoc]

The obvious solution is to start a cult that worships the baby. Once the baby has Divine rank 0 it doesn't need to eat anymore.

Other ideas include:

Sell the babies soul to the abyss in exchange for a succubus to nurse the baby.
Cast "Bite of the Wolf" on the baby so it has teeth and can eat.
PAO/shapechange/wildshape yourself into a cow/nursing woman.
Magic fang the baby (probably won't actually work)
Shadow conjure a cow.
Use miracle to make the baby take care of itself (using the "very powerful request" form)
Lesser planar ally/binding something that can feed it.
Gate in a Balor and use it's wish ability to feed it.
Kill it and use reincarnate so it stops being a baby
Cast "Awaken" on the baby so it becomes a magical beast able to feed itself with 3d6 int.
Have the baby drink the "nectar like beverage" from heroes' feast.
Create food and water specifies "The food that this spell creates is simple fare of your choice—highly nourishing, if rather bland." That seems to imply that if you want baby food style food, you get it.

Put it in a stasis of some sort until you find someone who can feed it. Ways to deal with it later include:
Killing it and rezzing it.
Covering the baby in quintessence.
Casting "Temporal Stasis" on the baby.
Flesh to Stone.
Casting "Imprisonment"
Leaving it on the NE plane for a bit.

[Rubik]

Time for a quick Flesh to Stone spell. Stow it in a backpack and cast Stone to Flesh when you get back to town.

[edit] Arcane swordsage'd!

Doesn't the BoVD give Bestow Curse an aging option?

[(Un)Inspired]

Can Alter Self be used to change gender? Probably, right?

Just turn one of yourselves female and let the baby go to town.

[HaikenEdge]

The obvious solution is to start a cult that worships the baby. Once the baby has Divine rank 0 it doesn't need to eat anymore.

Other ideas include:

Sell the babies soul to the abyss in exchange for a succubus to nurse the baby.
Cast "Bite of the Wolf" on the baby so it has teeth and can eat.
PAO/shapechange/wildshape yourself into a cow/nursing woman.
Magic fang the baby (probably won't actually work)
Shadow conjure a cow.
Use miracle to make the baby take care of itself (using the "very powerful request" form)
Lesser planar ally/binding something that can feed it.
Gate in a Balor and use it's wish ability to feed it.
Kill it and use reincarnate so it stops being a baby
Cast "Awaken" on the baby so it becomes a magical beast able to feed itself with 3d6 int.
Have the baby drink the "nectar like beverage" from heroes' feast.
Create food and water specifies "The food that this spell creates is simple fare of your choice—highly nourishing, if rather bland." That seems to imply that if you want baby food style food, you get it.

Put it in a stasis of some sort until you find someone who can feed it. Ways to deal with it later include:
Killing it and rezzing it.
Covering the baby in quintessence.
Casting "Temporal Stasis" on the baby.
Flesh to Stone.
Casting "Imprisonment"
Leaving it on the NE plane for a bit.

While I know they're sarcastic/snarky, a lot of those blue ideas are actually really cool and would be interesting to see in a game, particularly the miracle to make the baby take care of itself.

[ImaDeadMan]

If you have a cleric in the party then have them cast Create Food and Water and mash the food into paste because it says it's bland but nourishing. If you don't have a cleric the ask your DM for this spell as a druid since druid only gets Purify Food and Water while cleric gets both spells.

[Dimers]

You'd have to do some sweet-talking, and I would honestly be leery of feeding an infant hellish breast milk ...

See also: no spicy foods.

[Invader]

This thread has a certain cruel beauty.

Are there any druids, racials, paladins, or, in a real pinch, wizards or sorcerers? Get the familiar, animal companion, or special mount pregnant (a lot of animals have much shorter gestation periods than humans).

Unless the gestation period in question is 2 days milk doesn't come in the fast for any mammal.

[YossarianLives]

Make it a cursed ring so it can't be removed? In the intervening week, try feeding the babe them thar goodberries. Maybe boiled down with some oats into a nutritious gruel. Just make sure it's no more than lukewarm before you spoon feed it to him.

Oh dear gods. You're right!

I suppose it could work if your party has a warforged or necropolitan, though. Hollow out his innards and turn him into an extradimensional playpen, maybe?

This reminds of something in one of my campaigns two years back.

I was playing a tiny two foot tall kobald sorcerer. And we had a warforge knight as the meat shield. Because we couldn't find a small enough mount for me we got a master craftsmen to make a small living space inside the warforge including bed and small storage area.

Anyway that's a pretty good idea