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  1. - Top - End - #361
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Caerulea's Avatar

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    Aug 2018
    Sleeping on a blanket.

    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by knag View Post
    The "unnamed female dwarf" in 1165 is Hoskin's wife, first appearing in #1086. We don't know her name but that's a least a little better descriptor since we do know her relation ship to Durkon, she was at his ordination, etc.
    Changed. Thank you.

    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  2. - Top - End - #362
    Ettin in the Playground
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2012

    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    The OotS Transcript - Strips 1158 to ????
    Book 6: Utterly Dwarfed
    Previous Page | Index | Next Page

    Spoiler: Strip 1158

    Vampiress with Curly Hair, Gontor, Hel, Thrym

    Vampiress with Curly Hair: I guess that sounds pretty good. But our master was really confident, and the adventurers found a way to-
    Gontor: I'm not taking any chances with those savages, don't worry. I was just waiting until our thralls were the majority in there-which they now are, by my count. This body had a few scrolls on it when it died, and I see no reason not to use all of them to our advantage and give our mistress a chance to send in reinforcements. Gate!
    Hel: At last, this misbegotten wager will end and I will take my rightful place as queen of the Northern Gods.
    Thrym: I am excited for you, because I am supportive of your professional achievements.
    Hel: And if those mortal heroes think vampire spirits are the worst things I can make, I've got a surprise for them. Avenge my first priest, little one.
    Gontor: BEHOLD! Our enemies shall find naught but squirmy death!!
    Hel: Are you kidding me? I set you up perfectly for a "worm food" quip! Come on, people, this is basic villain stuff!

    Spoiler: Strip 1159

    Worm's Eye View
    Exarch, Nightcrawler, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Blackwing

    Exarch: Defend this area.
    Nightcrawler: OK.
    Exarch: Excellent. Now let's—
    Nightcrawler: Wait, which area? This area?
    Exarch: Yes, this area here. This... uh...platform thing. Prevent anyone from getting through this door into the Middle Chamber. Anyone except us and our mind-controlled thralls.
    Nightcrawler: OK, got it. Can I eat them?
    Exarch: The thralls?
    Nightcrawler: No, anyone trying to get past me. Can I eat them?
    Exarch: Yes! Of course you can eat them! You're a giant death-worm, I summoned you primarily for the purpose of eating them!
    Nightcrawler: You don't have to get mad, I just wanted to be sure.
    Exarch: As I was saying, let's get inside. They'll be calling the meeting to order soon, and one of us should be in—
    Nightcrawler: Wait, I have another question.
    Exarch: What? What is it? This isn't that complicated!
    Nightcrawler: It's nothing. Sorry. It's not a big deal. I just... ...I just wanted to know if the human, the elf, and the crow that just invisibly flew into the room are with you, or...?
    Exarch: Invisibility Purge!
    Haley: Darn it! Why do all the clerics have that spell prepared?
    Vaarsuvius: Because invisibility is an exceedingly common battle tactic among adventurers of our level.
    Haley: Yeah, but I just started using it, like, this week! Can't I get some sort of grace period?
    Blackwing: Hey, can we stop talking and maybe focus on the invisible crow that's somewhere around here?

    Spoiler: Strip 1160

    Returning Champions
    Unnamed Vampire, Exarch, Vaarsuvius, Nightcrawler, Roy, Durkon, Elan, Belkar

    Unnamed Vampire: They're here?!? Already??
    Exarch: Back! Back inside the barrier!
    Vaarsuvius: Forceca—
    <sfx> THUNK! THUNK!
    Nightcrawler: Gllnnnrgghh!
    Vaarsuvius: —age.
    Exarch: Ha!
    Roy: Ugh. So much for the element of suprise.
    Durkon: Aye, no sense hangin' back now. Let's go!
    Nightcrawler: Owwww!
    <sfx>PWOK! WHUM!
    Elan: Awwww, you have matching returning weapons now! That's so sweet! You're best boomerang buddies!!
    Belkar: In related news, here comes my breakfast back up into my mouth.

    Spoiler: Strip 1161

    Easy to Forget
    Belker, Blackwing, Durkon, Exarch, Haley, Nightcrawler, Vaarsuvius

    Exarch: This isn't fair, I had a lot more spells to cast before they showed up! Summon Monster VII!
    <sfx> KKERRNNTCH!
    <sfx> PWOK!
    Belker: You two keep whacking the worm. It's obviously what you're best at, heh. Mr. Scruffy and I can handle these two scrubs by oursel—
    Nightcrawler: Mass Hold Monster.
    <sfx> WHOMP!
    Durkon: Och!!
    <sfx> WUMF.
    Blackwing: Great catch! Now just swing him around until his sword hits something. How hard can it be?
    Vaarsuvius: Absurd. That would be highly inefficient. A better plan would be to throw him at the enemy once, then resume casting—
    Haley: We have a cleric again, we can fix stuff like this!!
    Vaarsuvius: Ah, yes, of course.

    Spoiler: Strip 1162

    Helping out
    Hilgya, Minrah, Sigdi, Uncle Hoskin, Uncle Kandro

    Minrah: Come on, ladies, let's get in there before half the boys get squished.
    Sigdi: Aye.
    Hilgya: Uh, excuse me? Who died and made you boss?
    Minrah: Me! On both counts, Miss Cleric-Who-Can't-Resist-Domination-Magic! Are you coming or not??
    Hilgya: Fine, fine, OK. Geez.
    Minrah: Divine Favor!
    Hilgya: I don't even know why I'm here.
    Sigdi: Dinnae worry, Kudzu's in good hands back at tha temple, I promise.
    Sigdi: Sometimes, ye haf ta leave yer cub behind in tha den so ye can brutally eliminate everthin' tha indirectly threatens 'im. It's just part o' bein' a mother. Ye'll see.
    Minrah: Eat hammer, Rock-Face!!
    Sigdi: Aye, ha ha! Feels good ta swing an axe again!
    Hilgya: Uh huh. Flame Strike.
    <sfx> WOOSH!
    Minrah: HEY! Watch where you're throwing those!
    Hilgya: You know, I still don't understand why you didn't let Durkon regerate your arm before the fight.
    Sigdi: Och, lad needs all tha high-level spell slots he can get fer this fight. No sense wastin' one on me. Plus, I been like this fer fifty years an' change. I'm na sure I'd know wha ta do wit two hands right away!
    Hilgya: I don't know, strap a shield to it?
    Sigdi: It's okay lass. It took Durkon a while ta unnerstand, too.
    Uncle Hoskin: Sigdi!! We got yer message.
    Uncle Kandro: We brought the whole family.

    Spoiler: Strip 1163

    They Stayed Friends Though
    Belker, Captain Logann, Durkon, Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé, Elan, Uncle Hoskin, Unnamed Female Dwarf, Unnamed Male Dwarf, Roy, Sigdi

    Uncle Hoskin: So, uh, what're we doin' 'ere 'xactly?
    Sigdi: At tha moment, smashin' those el'mentals 'fore they smash anyone else!
    Captain Logann: You heard the lady, troops. Engage those earth elementals!
    Unnamed Male Dwarf: Aye, Cap'n Logann!
    Durkon: Remove Paralysis!
    Roy: We need to get into melee range so that creature can't cast more spells.
    Belker: I knew you wouldn't be satisfied until you'd battered that worm hand-to-hand.
    Unnamed Female Dwarf: Sir, our weapons're havin' trouble breakin' thru tha rocky hide o' tha—
    Captain Logann: You did fine, soldier. You bought us a few moments.
    Unnamed Female Dwarf: Moments? For what, sir?
    Elan: It's OK, Durkon. I know what's it's like to have a stunning mid-adventure reveal of a previously unknown family member.
    Durkon: She broke up wit Thad?!?
    Elan: Like I'm looking in a mirror.

    Spoiler: Strip 1164

    Replication Crisis
    Belker, Elan, Exarch, Nightcrawler, Roy

    Roy: We need to clear a path for Durkon and the others to get inside that chamber.
    Elan: Yeah, so they can foil your evil squirm!
    Roy: Elan, save the puns where you're kind of reaching for later rounds of combat! Start with the low-hanging fruit.
    Elan: Oh, like a worm-ridden apple joke?
    Roy: I guess. Sure.
    Exarch: Where did all those extra dwarves come from? Ugh, it doesn't matter. I have a scroll for them, too. Horrid wil—OWWW!
    Belker: "Horrid Willow"? Wow, you're not pulling any punches against Durkon, are you?
    Exarch: You little toad, that was my only scroll of that spell!
    Belker: Oh, hey, I remember you. Front Door Guy. I watched you get White Wolfed. FYI, any body part you stick out of that force field belongs to me, no takebacks.
    Exarch: I was also told you're the one who dared to break free and kill my master.
    Belker: The long-term prognosis of people who throw me off a mountain is not what you'd call "high percentage." But news you can use for O.G. You: Turns out you can otherthrow the vampire spirit by emotioning at him super-hard. My buddy Durkon did it and he has all the personal magnetism of a loaf of rye bread.
    <sfx> tap tap
    Belker: So, you know… do that. Feel at him.
    Exarch: I have spells to cast in here.
    Belker: Dude, are you even trying to have a climactic emotional catharsis?!?
    Nightcrawler: Hey, feelings are tricky this. You can't—
    Belker: Did I ask you, Giant Death worm? I was obviously talking to the miniature version of himself that's tied up inside his own head!
    Roy: Can we just have a regular battle for once? How's that for an idea?
    Elan: I'm lukeworm on it!

    Spoiler: Strip 1165

    Uphill Struggle
    Durkon, Hoskin's Wife, Janna, Minrah, Uncle Hoskin, Uncle Kandro, Uncle Thirden, Sigdi

    Minrah: That's it. All clear! Durkon's friends can't enter the Middle Chamber 'cause they're not dwarves. It's up to all of us!
    Uncle Hoskin: Easier said than done… Minrah, right? From church?
    Hoskin's Wife: Yeah, how are we all gonna get over a big hole and past a giant worm?
    Durkon: I think I can kill two bushes wit one stone axe. Wall of Stone!
    <sfx> WHRNNG!
    Sigdi: C'mon, what're ye waitin' fer, a fancy engrav'd invitation? Let's go!
    Uncle Hoskin: Aye, Sarge!
    Uncle Kandro: Thar ye are! Welcome home, lad!
    Durkon: Thanks, Uncle Kandro. Sorry I cannae stay fer long.
    Uncle Kandro: Och, tha's OK. Just glad I got ta see ye first.
    Uncle Thirden: I guess this battle is really starting to ramp up!
    Janna: Ha ha, I'm inclined to agree, Master Squeaky!
    Uncle Kandro: At least out on tha road, ye dinnae haf ta hear bard jokes once a week.
    Durkon: Let's just… keep movin' aye?

    Spoiler: Strip 1166

    End of Overtime
    Sigdi, Durkon, Exarch, Nightcrawler, Unnamed bard, Uncle Kandro, Haley, Blackwing, Uncle Squeaky, Unnamed Warrior

    Sigdi: Let's go, ev'rybody in! Watch yer step!
    Durkon: Stand down'n end this!
    Exarch: Ahhhh! I don't need to listen to you! Harm! You're not going to fool me, I know you're someone else hiding behind my master's face!
    Durkon: It's my face! It were my face 'fore it were 'is.
    Exarch: You weren't using it anymore! Finders keepers, fair and square!
    Durkon: I liter'lly cannae think o' anythin' less fair than, "Someone kills ye an' gives yer stuff ta someone else!"
    Nightcrawler: Huh. I know he said to defend the door— —but I really think the spirit of the request was to not let anyone inside, even through the window.
    Sigdi: C'mon, let's go, let's go! Wha's tha hold up? Dinnae Jenna teach ye kids double time?
    Unnamed Bard Sorry, Mrs. Segeant Thunder—
    <sfx> KRNTCH!
    Unnamed Bard: Aaaahhhhh!
    Nightcrawler: So I think I'm doing a pretty good job and I got permission to eat people, so I'm gonna just take a moment and treat myself.
    Sigdi: Ye…nnnh! Ye leave tha boy alone!
    Uncle Kandro: Back off, ye knobby-lookin' roaster!
    <sfx> SLASH!
    Nightcrawler: Ulllhrrrh!
    Uncle Kandro: How'd a big tadger like ye get all tha way 'ere by yerself wit yer bawbags back in Hel's pocket?
    <sfx> CHUNK!
    <sfx> thunk! thunk!
    Nightcrawler: Agggh!
    Uncle Kandro: Ye call tha fightin'? I seen more fight inna haf-pished bairn! C'mere, I'll skelp ye good!
    Uncle Hoskin: I gotcha. I gotcha.
    Nightcrawler: Ulkay, aih didn't unnerstan enny uff wa yewr hayin, bewt aih fee pherty unshuhlted buh—
    (N:) Okay, I didn't understand any of what you're saying, but I feel pretty insulted by—
    Uncle Kandro: Shut yer geggie an' fight, ye howlin' dobber!!
    Sigdi: Kandro, we're safe! C'mon!
    Nightcrawler: Ulkay, thazz eet!
    (N:) Okay, that's it!
    <sfx> CHOMP!
    <sfx> GULP!
    <sfx> *Buuuurp!*
    Haley: *gasp!*
    Blackwing: Oh! That poor old man!
    Unnamed Warrior: Wooo! Way to go, Kandro!
    Uncle Squeaky: Good job, old man!
    Uncle Hoskin: Aye, way ta finally get got!
    Unnamed Warrior: About time, too.
    Uncle Squeaky: In under the wire, if you ask me.
    Sigdi: I know, right? Thought he'd nev'r get killed proper.
    Uncle Hoskin: I was hafway ta pickin' a fight wit 'im meself, just so 'e'd die wit an axe 'n 'is hand.
    Blackwing: …Dwarves are weird.

    Spoiler: Strip 1167

    All Downhill
    Exarch, Uncle Hoskin, Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé, Unnamed Dwarven Rogues, Minrah, Unnamed Mage, Unnamed Vampire Cleric

    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: Hey minions, quit standing around and stop all these dwarves! Like, kill them or whatever!
    Uncle Hoskin: Ev'ryone be careful, these poor saps got tha mind whammy on 'em!
    Uncle Squeaky: If you can knock them out or restrain them, we can sing the Song of Freedom.
    Unnamed Dwarven Rogues: On it, Uncle Squeaky. Sneak Attack!\
    <sfx> BONK! BONK!
    Unnamed Mage: Color Spray!
    Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé: YIELD, VAMPIRE, FOR YOU WILL NOT STAND AGAINST MY BLADE OF PURE—
    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: What is wrong with your voice? How do you talk like that??
    <sfx> WHOOSH!
    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: Hey Exarch, do the barriers and stuff block planar travel out of this room?
    Exarch: No, only coming in.
    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: Bad news for you, then! Plane Shift!
    Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé: OW! OW! OW!
    Minrah: Hey! What did you do to that guy whose name I didn't catch?!
    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: I don't know what you're so mad about. The rest of you are going to die when the other gods destroy this world, while he'll at least roll forever on an infinite pain-slope.
    <sfx> WHUNK!
    Minrah: No, he won't, because we'll rescue him! And also the world isn't going to get destroyed! Which was sort of implied by my first statement because rescuing one dude wouldn't be as high a priority if the world was still at risk! The point is there are several flaws in your scenario and you are bad!!

    Spoiler: Strip 1168

    Limited Motions
    Clan Cobalt Representative, Lord Speaker, Female Vampire Cleric, Grey Bearded Representative, Monocle Dwarf (Representative), Clan Whiterock Representative, Clan Ironthumb Representative, Roy, Elan, Other Dwarven Representative

    Elan: So, uh, if Durkon and a bunch of other dwarves got inside safely, do we still need to fight the giant worm?
    Roy: Don't know, but it just ate a guy. We're taking it out before someone else get's hurt. As far as what inside that chamber, that'll be up to Durkon. And the elders themselves, I suppose—
    Lord Speaker: I hereby call this meeting of the Council of Clans to order. Before Kind Dvalin's cleric channels him and he reveals the question that is being posed to us this day for judgment— —do we have any other motions to consider?
    Clan Cobalt Representative: Yes, Lord Speaker. Clan Cobalt moves that this entire assembly be postponed until a later date, and the question under consideration be revisited at a later time.
    Lord Speaker: Hmmph. On what grounds do you make such a sweeping request?
    Clan Cobalt: I make this motion on the grounds that slightly more than half of this council is currently being dominated by a vampire.
    Grey Bearded Representative: A troubling accusation.
    Monocle Dwarf (Representative): Indeed. Indeed.
    Other Dwarven Representative: Disturbing, if true.
    Female Vampire Cleric: <whispering> whisper whisper whisper
    Clan Whiterock Representative: Clan Whiterock moves that this scurrilous attack on our good character be the subject of a full investigation. We pledge to cooperate fully with the appointment of an inquisitor to look into this allegation, immediately following today's vote.
    Clan Ironthumb Representative: Clan Ironthumb seconds this motion.
    Monocle Dwarf (Representative): Well, now, that seems like a fine compromise!
    Other Dwarven Representative: Yes, we'll get to the bottom of this in due course.
    Clan Cobalt Representative: I, for one, look forward to the possibility of being proven wrong.
    Roy: —but I'm sure they'll do the right thing, when presented with the facts.

    Spoiler: Strip 1169

    Showing Up
    Durkon's Cousin, Durkon, Sigdi, Exarch

    Durkon's Cousin: Aunt Sigdi, do you prefer a sword or a battleaxe?
    Sigdi: Axe, please, thanks.
    <sfx> SWOOSH!
    Sigdi: Haha, stop showin' off an' go help yer cousin.
    <sfx> SLAASH!
    Exarch: Ahhh! What am I doing? I'm letting myself get distracted, just like my master did. I don't need to defeat these dwarves, I just need to keep them out of the Inner Chamber for a few more minutes. Blade Barrier!
    Durkon's Cousin: Oh, you think that's gonna stop me? Big mistake, picking a wall— Nnnnh!! —we can still get through! I guess an evil monster like you will never understand— —that us dwarves are willing to fight with every last drop of our blood, to protect—
    Durkon: Greater Dispel Magic. Cure Critical Wounds.
    Durkon's Cousin: You'd think a cleric of Thor wouldn't need to steal his buddy's thunder like that.
    Durkon: Sorry, Cousin. I usually try na to outshine tha party fighter, but I'm used ta workin' wit a much stronger one!
    Sigdi: Och, if ye boys cannae get along, so help me I will turn this battle around!

    Spoiler: Strip 1170

    Divine Diversion
    Lord Speaker, Thrum, Hel, Thor, Loki, Millidren Thickbelt, Noted Expert, Dwarf Soul, Other Dwarf Soul

    Lord Speaker: With no further motions, let the divine force of Kind Dvalin come forth and pose to us the day's question.
    <sfx> ZOT!
    Hel: Time at last for me to act.
    Thrum: I thought you couldn't intervene directly?
    Hel: Only because Odin and the rest would have noticed. But now that the mortal is channeling Dvalin, every god is watching that chamber rather than the battle going on outside of it. The key is to be subtle, so that even if one of them notices, they will hesitate for a few precious minutes before acting. I think a heart attack for my former high priest's host should do the trick.
    <sfx> WHAM!
    Thor: HEL!!
    Hel: What are you doing here?! Get out!!
    Thrum: Stand back, my beloved! I'll protect you!
    Thor: First— Dude, she's just not that into you. You're embarrassing yourself. Second— I have every right to be here to challange the soul disposition of a given dwarf. Specifically Millidren Thickbelt. I say she died with honor.
    <sfx> POP!
    Hel: What? That one died of pneumonia, cowering under her bed!
    Thor: Yes, and my position is that she was locked in a ferocious battle with her own deep-seated inadequacies at the time. I've prepared an extensive oral disseration to that effect, if you'd like me to explain.
    Millidren Thickbelt: Ahhhh!
    Hel: Ugh, whatever. It's one soul, take it and leave. I'm busy.
    Thor: Great! After we discuss Regin Greenhammer.
    <sfx> POP!
    Millidren Thickbelt: Wheeeee!
    Hel: You've got to be kidding! He was shot in the back running away when his unit was ambushed by orcs!
    Thor: And I've produced a feature-length documentary explaining why he thought that was the honorable thing to do at the time.
    Noted Expert: The dictionary defines "courage" as—
    <scryvision screen> Noted Expert
    Hel: Fine! I don't have time for this!
    Thor: I thought you might feel that way. Which is why I took the liberty of preparing arguments for every dwarf that died dishonorably in the last year that we didn't object to at the time. You want to do this chronologically or alphabetically?
    Hel: Do you swear to leave my domain immediately if I concede them?
    Thor: I swear.
    Hel: Then so be it. I'll have more where they came from soon enough.
    Thor: An excellent choice. I'm sure those dwarf souls will enjoy their new afterlife in their respective god's domain.
    Dwarf Soul: Wooooo!
    Other Dwarf Soul: Hooray!!
    Thor: And now I will leave, as promised— —rather than, say, further distracting you by disputing every other previously uncontested death from the last century or so.
    Loki: Hi, Pumpkin!

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    Last edited by TheWombatOfDoom; 2019-07-30 at 09:29 AM.
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

  3. - Top - End - #363
    Ettin in the Playground
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2012

    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Alright, i've caught up to current. Cae thank you for your continual entries. You can get rid of your versions now that they're up! Also, I've updated this book to Utterly Dwarfed since we now know the title! Exciting stuff!
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

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