What's the Playground's opinion about OoC couples playing IC couples?

[FinnDarkblade]

My girlfriend and I have been playing D&D together for several years and we've never once had our characters be in a romantic relationship. We have, however, rather enjoyed playing characters that can't agree on anything. Now though, we're thinking about joining a sandboxy game and kind of want to try it out(but making sure to not be overly cutesy or do anything even remotely NSFW). What have been Playgrounders' experiences with either doing this or being in games with others who have done this? Has it made others/you feel uncomfortable? What are some things that can be done to make everyone more comfortable with it?

[AuraTwilight]

As long as you're not letting any romantic subplots dominate the whole game, go right ahead.

[DigoDragon]

As long as everyone else is okay with it and you're not being too distracting with it, should be fine.

[Loxagn]

Pretty much the same as Dido and Twilight. Romantic subplots can make others uncomfortable at times but as long as everyone is okay with it and you don't let romance push the others out of the spotlight, all's okay!

[SimonMoon6]

It's probably for the best.

One issue that I've had in the past is when an OoC couple aren't an IC couple, so the PCs would reasonably have the option of having romantic subplots with NPCs (or even other PCs) which can only lead to trouble. I remember one game where a PC got married to a princess, but then the player got involved with a real world girl who was jealous of his imaginary wife, so he had to kill off his PC.

So, yeah, I think an OoC couple being an IC couple is a good idea.

[GPuzzle]

I've got honestly no idea, mainly because the girl I like is part of my RPG group and I'm still trying to ask her out without stuttering like crazy.

[Vrock_Summoner]

I'm pretty much just here to agree with everyone else. Actually, I treat OoC couples playing IC couples exactly the same way I treat any IC couples: if they aren't the focus of the whole game or a giant distraction, then it's cool with me. The worst things are whenever there are those "ending conversations" to finish off story arcs or the campaign or even right before a boss fight and they seem to forget that the other players and their characters exist.

Maybe I'm just weird, but if your romantic partner is part of your adventuring party which is also composed of friends, your friends are still emotionally attached people and workmates who deserve a near-equal share of your time. There's no problem with romantic moments in my group, but that's because they exist in smaller amounts and alongside our non-romantic emotional moments. Which there tend to be quite a few of.

Edit: Since I just realized I might have been being vague, that entire last paragraph is referring to your In-Character relationship with the other party members, not just the players around the table.

[Altair_the_Vexed]

My non-RPing ex insisted that I must be gay for my GM because one of my characters was married to an NPC.

So OoC couples being IC couples? Seems like less confusion to me.

[FinnDarkblade]

Wow, I'm really glad that there's a positive reaction to this. That's rather encouraging. The DM was fine with it when I pitched the idea to him too, which was the most important factor anyways I suppose. The game is here on the Playgrounds so stealing the spotlight shouldn't be an issue as it should be a pretty slow game and everyone can talk at the same time. Thanks for all your input everyone.

[CarpeGuitarrem]

It gives me a chuckle, and so long as it doesn't dominate the story, it's cool by me. I mean, I do also find it humorous in the "Right, so your big fighter just happens to have a crush on her tiny thief. Just a coincidence. " way

[Rhynn]

So long as nobody's made uncomfortable, who cares?

(Jerks and idiots, that's who. They can go to that place with the hockey sticks.)

[Red Fel]

I'm going to echo what everyone else has said. I think relationships between the characters - romantic or otherwise - add a great deal of depth to the game. I don't imagine you need any advice about keeping IC separate from OOC, since you've both been at this for several years, so that should be fine.

My key insight, which isn't terribly novel as others have pointed it out, is that a relationship should never be the defining aspect of a character. It's a trait, like hair color, dialect, or hometown, that makes a character a bit more interesting, but it should not define the character, and it should definitely not take center stage. If you make the romance a central point, it will get old, and possibly grating. But having it just happen to be a thing works great.

So avoid the typical romantic story arcs - meeting the parents, abduction of one or the other, trying to find the perfect gift, etc. - and just stick to the usual story points. The fact that the characters are in a relationship should be incidental.

Frankly, I think the concept of adventurers in love (or even better, a married couple) is action-comedy gold. Seriously, get the banter down and it'll be crazy fun.

[dps]

So long as nobody's made uncomfortable, who cares?

And even there, unless someone is uncomfortable with romantic content in their games per se, I can't see how the fact that in IC couple is play by 2 players who are a RL couple could be a problem--if fact, if anything, an IC couplde who are played by players who aren't a RL couple could be a much bigger problem (especially if one or both of the players are paired off with other players IRL).

[FinnDarkblade]

And even there, unless someone is uncomfortable with romantic content in their games per se, I can't see how the fact that in IC couple is play by 2 players who are a RL couple could be a problem--if fact, if anything, an IC couplde who are played by players who aren't a RL couple could be a much bigger problem (especially if one or both of the players are paired off with other players IRL).

True, I suppose it's just the idea of PC's being romantically attached that I'm worried about. I know several gamers who would be uncomfortable being around that. Not sure why though come to think of it, as they're around us IRL.

[Honest Tiefling]

I have to ask, why would people be uncomfortable around that? I respect that they are, I just want to know why.

[jedipotter]

Wow, I'm really glad that there's a positive reaction to this.

I'll be the negative.....

It is rare I even game with a couple. It is mostly just a huge waste of time.

The problems are legion, but some of the highlights:

1.First off, few couples can play a game for a few hours(or do anything else) without dragging the relationship in every couple of seconds. This ruins the game in no time. I don't care if he put the pepper on the ''S" rack or if she ''did not charge the battery'', I just want to play the game.

2.The ''we are a couple in real life'', so we must be in the game. So they tag team against everyone else....even if she is a paladain and he is an assassian.

3.The tag along. Maybe the worst one. The ''other'' is not a gamer. They just tag along as they are so obssesed that they can't let their other out of their sight. They kinda, sorta play.....but mostly just get in the way. Worst is when they hog tons and tons of time ''Oh dear, let me show you how to roll'' sigh.

[BWR]

They can go to that place with the hockey sticks.)

Canada?

OT: I've had an in-character romance with my gf's PC (granted, it was mostly one-sided from him, but he tried), and we've had IC romances with other players' characters, and we've all had IC romances with NPCs at some point. It's no biggie so long as the romance doesn't take up too much screen time and leave everyone else bored for more than 15-20 minutes per session.

[Coidzor]

As long as you're not snogging or otherwise being unhygienic at the table. And especially not on the table.

Oh, right, and don't have any in-game pregnancies, those are always nasty and involve all kinds of haranguing over what rules to use to cover such things.

[TheCountAlucard]

One of my Exalted games was with a couple; their characters started off betrothed for political reasons, but unfortunately the game didn't last long enough for them to take their relationship further.

[LibraryOgre]

It can be fun, but difficult, partially because your own romantic relationship is going to be conflated with the romantic relationship of the characters. The development of the OoC relationship and the development of the IC relationship are bound to have parallels, and it might become difficult to emotionally separate them.

This is not to say "don't do it", but to remind you "Communicate the **** out of your relationship. Communicate away ambiguity and keep communicating."

[BWR]

As long as you're not snogging or otherwise being unhygienic at the table. And especially not on the table.

Ugh we had one of these. Brand new couple (like a week old at the time) got to kissing and were going hand-under-bra for quite some time while the rest of us tried to play on like nothing was happening. We politely and discretely mentioned to him later on that having a new SO is a wonderful feeling and there are plenty of opportunities for related wonderful feelings and that there were plenty of better places to grope titties than the gaming table.

Oh, right, and don't have any in-game pregnancies, those are always nasty and involve all kinds of haranguing over what rules to use to cover such things.

Without in-game pregnancies my samurai wouldn't have 4 generations of descendants for us to tell stories about. Maybe it's just that my groups are cool with this but there has never been a problem with in-game pregancies. The closest we've had was one player wondering if killing the pregant cleric counted as one or two kills (he kept score of how many of the party he killed - he nearly managed himself at one point), and discussions about whether you needed Remove Curse or Remove Disease to terminate unwanted pregnancies.

[FinnDarkblade]

I have to ask, why would people be uncomfortable around that? I respect that they are, I just want to know why.

It probably stems from the fact that our group was originally just 4 straight guys who had absolutely no desire at all to RP a romantic relationship with one of the other guys even if the character was female. No romance was already well-established as the norm before my gf started playing with us and it probably just kind of stuck.

I'll be the negative.....

Feel free.

It is rare I even game with a couple. It is mostly just a huge waste of time.

The problems are legion, but some of the highlights:

1.First off, few couples can play a game for a few hours(or do anything else) without dragging the relationship in every couple of seconds. This ruins the game in no time. I don't care if he put the pepper on the ''S" rack or if she ''did not charge the battery'', I just want to play the game.

A valid concern but I really don't think it'll be an issue, especially since this'll be an online game.

2.The ''we are a couple in real life'', so we must be in the game. So they tag team against everyone else....even if she is a paladain and he is an assassian.

Also really not an issue. Like I said in the OP, we've been playing together for years and have never had out characters be romantically involved. Funny that you mention the paladin and assassin thing because those are actually the archetypes we prefer to play. This is the reason behind what I said in the OP about having fun playing characters who can't agree on anything.

3.The tag along. Maybe the worst one. The ''other'' is not a gamer. They just tag along as they are so obssesed that they can't let their other out of their sight. They kinda, sorta play.....but mostly just get in the way. Worst is when they hog tons and tons of time ''Oh dear, let me show you how to roll'' sigh.

Most definitely not an issue. She's no expert at optimization but it's been years since she had to ask me a basic mechanics question and she has her own copies of the core rulebooks.

And as for concerns about acting inappropriately at the table, even if we were inclined towards excessive PDA's this is an online game so...

[Janus]

I remember one game where a PC got married to a princess, but then the player got involved with a real world girl who was jealous of his imaginary wife, so he had to kill off his PC.

Now you've got me curious about this story.

[Coidzor]

Without in-game pregnancies my samurai wouldn't have 4 generations of descendants for us to tell stories about. Maybe it's just that my groups are cool with this but there has never been a problem with in-game pregancies. The closest we've had was one player wondering if killing the pregant cleric counted as one or two kills (he kept score of how many of the party he killed - he nearly managed himself at one point), and discussions about whether you needed Remove Curse or Remove Disease to terminate unwanted pregnancies.

Well, yes, if you check beforehand to make sure everyone's A-OK with ripping fetuses from the womb and making them into undead monstrosities that devour their still living mothers in advance or have it occur offscreen so you don't have to get into the headache of deciding just how much to debilitate a pregnant adventurer with all of the table politics that entails.

[BWR]

See, there's this wonderful thing called 'downtime'...
We did it quick and easy. Up to the 2nd trimester the kid counts as part of the mother so barring some really unpleasant effects, is safe so long as the mother is alive. A Raise on a dead mother will bring back the child. The third trimester things are a bit iffier and you want to avoid too strenuous activity. And in all cases the mothers-to-be took a break from adventuring life/active duty to avoid endangering their unborn children. Really, it isn't a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

[SimonMoon6]

Now you've got me curious about this story.

Well, I've already mentioned the important bits. But here's some more: it was one of those games where people play themselves. And after one adventure, two of the PCs rescued a princess and one ended up marrying her. That player is also a decent artist and would draw his version of the events that happened in the game. And in this case that involved many drawings of his relationship with this princess character. And he got a little carried away sometimes.

And thus, when he got involved with a girl, she was naturally a bit unhappy with his obvious relationship with this imaginary person in this imaginary life of his. So, he basically suicided himself (using a weird spell that was dangerous to use over and over... which he used until he died).

[Coidzor]

See, there's this wonderful thing called 'downtime'...
We did it quick and easy. Up to the 2nd trimester the kid counts as part of the mother so barring some really unpleasant effects, is safe so long as the mother is alive. A Raise on a dead mother will bring back the child. The third trimester things are a bit iffier and you want to avoid too strenuous activity. And in all cases the mothers-to-be took a break from adventuring life/active duty to avoid endangering their unborn children. Really, it isn't a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

I guess maybe I've let the horror stories of the threads involving such things color my perspective overmuch...

[Knaight]

The problems are legion, but some of the highlights:

1.First off, few couples can play a game for a few hours(or do anything else) without dragging the relationship in every couple of seconds. This ruins the game in no time. I don't care if he put the pepper on the ''S" rack or if she ''did not charge the battery'', I just want to play the game.

2.The ''we are a couple in real life'', so we must be in the game. So they tag team against everyone else....even if she is a paladain and he is an assassian.

3.The tag along. Maybe the worst one. The ''other'' is not a gamer. They just tag along as they are so obssesed that they can't let their other out of their sight. They kinda, sorta play.....but mostly just get in the way. Worst is when they hog tons and tons of time ''Oh dear, let me show you how to roll'' sigh.

I haven't seen any of these with couples, though I have seen a variant of 3 with siblings, and it is obnoxious. Number 2 seems particularly odd. Close friends who've known each other for years and couples pretty much dominate the cutthroat aspects of games from what I've seen.

[Rhynn]

The problems are legion, but some of the highlights

You hang out with some really troubled couples. Most of the couples I know don't argue incessantly while doing something else (a good sign of serious problems in a relationship), and aren't co-dependent/clingy (another good sign that things aren't actually great).

I totally agree, though, that you shouldn't play RPGs with couples that are on the rocks. That's going to ruin everybody's good time, and when they finally blow up and break up, you're all stuck deciding who to "side with" and continue to include in the shared group hobby.

This, unfortunately, does mean that sometimes you might find it wisest to avoid playing with a couple at all, because you don't trust them not to go on the rocks. Some people just can't seem to manage to have non-dramatic relationships.

... but I probably wouldn't advice someone's part of a couple to avoid playing RPGs as a couple.

It can be fun, but difficult, partially because your own romantic relationship is going to be conflated with the romantic relationship of the characters. The development of the OoC relationship and the development of the IC relationship are bound to have parallels, and it might become difficult to emotionally separate them.

This is not to say "don't do it", but to remind you "Communicate the **** out of your relationship. Communicate away ambiguity and keep communicating."

This is solid advice, although I think relationship problems would reflect on the shared hobby even if there was no IC relationship between the character. I practically get hives just being in the same room with friends whose relationship is on the rocks.

Ugh we had one of these. Brand new couple (like a week old at the time) got to kissing and were going hand-under-bra for quite some time while the rest of us tried to play on like nothing was happening.

Why would you ignore that? Spray them with water or something! Cripes.

Without in-game pregnancies my samurai wouldn't have 4 generations of descendants for us to tell stories about.

Generational games are the bomb! Pendragon especially, but my dream campaign is still a 1400-1700 III Middle Earth generations game...

[Janus]

Well, I've already mentioned the important bits. But here's some more: it was one of those games where people play themselves. And after one adventure, two of the PCs rescued a princess and one ended up marrying her. That player is also a decent artist and would draw his version of the events that happened in the game. And in this case that involved many drawings of his relationship with this princess character. And he got a little carried away sometimes.

And thus, when he got involved with a girl, she was naturally a bit unhappy with his obvious relationship with this imaginary person in this imaginary life of his. So, he basically suicided himself (using a weird spell that was dangerous to use over and over... which he used until he died).

Okay, that makes a bit more sense now. Thanks!