A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ryu_Bonkosi's Avatar

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    Default Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Previous Thread: Here

    Me: I will burn you to a cinder and smash your corpse with a sledge hammer! *rolls a 20*
    DM: Is it scarier that him intimidating the dice works?
    P2: Or the fact that he has done it, and actually lined the other dice up to watch so they know he isn't kidding?
    P3: and he is the only Good aligned member of the party? What does that say about the rest of us?
    P2: That our morality scale places Joseph Stalin in high regards.
    Last edited by Ryu_Bonkosi; 2014-05-20 at 08:47 AM. Reason: Added the prefix
    Amazing avatar by Ceika
    “A player is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisly when the plot dictates he should.”
    Quote Originally Posted by Beowulf DW View Post
    You're the Stalin of dice!

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    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Daemon

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    No, your wookie cannot have a human hand puppet. Even if you embalm him

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BlueKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    P3:*while puppeteering the severed head of an ankheg* "I'm sorry, does this bug you?"
    P4: Can I magic missile his face?

    P1: So this thoqua is a big worm thing thats on fire?
    P2: Yes
    P1: and it's attack is basically curling up and lunging itself at its opponents head first
    P2: Yes.
    P1: So, in essence, I have a flaming rape monster?
    Everyone, except DM: *stares in silence, followed by laughter*
    DM: *thud*
    P2: I think we broke the DM

    DM: so you see a raging, charging ogre, coming straight at you, and your first thought is to summon an octopus to offer it a cookie?
    P1: Yes, wait, do we have any "special" brownies left?
    Check out my Campaign World, Hiltmarch
    http://www.obsidianportal.com/campai...ikis/main-page

    Quote Originally Posted by Shining Wrath View Post
    Somewhere, Conan the Barbarian refuses to weep, and instead curses Crom for permitting WotC to botch his class so badly.

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Silus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    ST: "So the Promethian starts advancing slowly towards your cowering Grand-Niece."
    Me: "Evangeline moves to put herself between the Promethian and her Grand-Niece and says with as much authority as she can muster 'Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave the store'."
    Awesome avatar by linklele
    "The Barrier World" Google Doc
    A post-post apocalyptic steampunk magitech Pathfinder setting.
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    Awesome avatar by Akrim.elf and Ceika

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    "See? I'm ****ing you by proxy."

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    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    You can't see it, but I'm blushing with awe at the thread title.

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    Danny: "I bought a box of grenades. In my spare time I'm painting them to look like pokeballs."
    Blackwolf: "What's scarier, that he can actually paint them that way or that he found a shop that sells grenades by the egg carton?"
    Daphne: "Do I have to decide right now?"

    Danny: "How is Or'Zet spelled?"
    Super Joe: "There's a 'T' at the end."
    Blackwolf: "I think there's an apostrophe in there."
    Hugo: "The Ork language? It's all illiterate grunts anyway, don't worry about spelling."

    Danny: "Some of us, like Henry, can't survive a frontal confrontation of any kind."
    Blackwolf: "He's like the kid in the puffs commercial."
    Daphne: "He's the puffs in the puffs commercial."

    Henry: "I found the COO in her office. Her name is Dana Rabbit."
    Super Joe: "That sounds like a stripper's name."
    Blackwolf: "Get out of my head."
    Danny: "Is she the sister of Jessica Rabbit?"
    Blackwolf: "All of you, get out of my head!"

    DM: "You all notice that only the elf brain samples are bright pink."
    Henry, Hugo, Danny & Blackwolf: "I knew it!"
    Team: *Stops and looks at each other*
    DM: "Holy cows, was that surround sound?"

    Blackwolf: *Runs up the ramp out of the parking garage*
    DM: "Six Tir soldiers notice you exiting the garage."
    Blackwolf: *Runs back down the ramp*

    Henry: "I want a certain number bar code, but it's not 23."
    Super Joe: "42?"
    Daphne: "69?"
    Danny: "Hike Hike Hike!!"

    Blackwolf: "What kind of food is this?"
    Henry: "Homogeny canned food."
    Daphne: *Reads labels* "Homogeny Acerbic Chicken Bits, Mordant Burger Mac, Sardonic Fish Stickers, and Fruitcake."
    Danny: "I'll take the Fruitcake, that's not going to change."
    Henry: "Sardonic Fish Stickers?"
    Blackwolf: "That's not a flavor, that's an attitude."
    Daphne: "Acerbic Chicken Bits. Ingredients: ground chicken, pulled bits, acerbic acid, yellow dye #4."
    Henry: "What. Bits.?"

    Gillian: "I have a trough out back if you need to freshen up."
    Blackwolf: "Did you know you can clean yourself with a handful of feathers?"
    Danny: "If you want to rub a [rooster] on your face, go right ahead."

    DM: "Henry, you climb into the seat and now you are in control of the left arm."
    Blackwolf: "Congrats, you're Pidge."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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    Dwarf in the Playground
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    amused Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    "Ahhh, the Bat gambit. Delectable."
    Proud member of the save Ganji and Enor club

    My favorite character was a chaotic neutral blue Dragon kobold alchemist. Named myself after him/her.

    Warning: I may have small bouts of hammyness

    The smart looking and handsome picture of Codex gracing my avatar section was created by Cuthalion

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Orc in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Klein: I fire at the monster [rolls low] and miss horribly.
    Dehvi: Pathetic wetlander, watch how it's done [rolls worse]... Never mind...

    Cay'tel: All hail Cay'tel, master of jumping on things and stabbing them!

    GM: [to Dehvi] Your character is not Satan.
    Cay'tel: Are we sure?
    Quote Originally Posted by Cikomyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rezkeshdadesh View Post
    Discussions about D&D also inevitably come up when people ask me how I met my wife.
    Kids, let me tell you about how I met your mother...
    Quote Originally Posted by malonkey1 View Post
    I mean, you're a bard. If it doesn't end with everyone getting married boning indiscriminately, it's a tragedy.

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    M-12 quotes~
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    DM: "Danny, you botch your driving check and slam the vehicle into the building. The vehicle is still going."
    Ian: "How bad is this going to end?"
    Music: *Benny Hill Yakkity Sax Theme*

    DM: "Your stuff is all there- Cleaned, organized, and reset to factory settings. Like a fresh install of Windows."
    Blackwolf: "Can we restore our personal settings?"
    DM: "Yeah, manually. Your desktop images, folder themes, font settings to Windings."

    Blackwolf: "What did you drop that on... or what did you drop on it... or really, what the hell?"

    Danny: "Is this the correct Henry or the clone?"
    Super Joe: *Looks at Henry* "Yeah, this one is still a virgin."
    Blackwolf: "How do you know this?"
    Henry: "I'm curious to know that myself."

    Henry: "What's a Code 59 in Tir military speak?"
    DM: "Area bomb request."
    Blackwolf: "Likely with napalm."
    Danny: "Now might be a bad time to mention we're extremely flammable."
    Snowfire: "See ya, suckers!" *Runs away*

    Henry: "You're not one of those Twilight vampires, right?"
    Vampire: "No, I do not glitter in the daylight."
    Snowfire: *Shows up with a flamethrower* "Let's test that theory."

    DM: "So you all de-evolve yourselves from... err, de-involve yourselves..."
    Hugo: "Press B to stop evolution."

    Ian: "I draw my pistol, put it to my head-"
    Hugo: "And summon your persona."
    Ian: "Sure, I summon my perso- NO."

    Ian: "Ah, I did finish off the mints."
    Hugo: "Oh that memory thing."
    Ian: "Or lack of memory thing."
    Henry: "We forgot about that."

    Blackwolf: "This is no time to panic."
    Hugo: "This is a perfect time to panic!"

    Blackwolf: "They found Snowfire's stash?"
    Hugo: "Somewhere there's a dragon flushing his stash down the toilet."
    Snowfire: "Are we joking about joints or porn mags? Cause that's going to determine how stupid this conversation will get."

    Henry: "Do we have anyone that can fly this helicopter?"
    Sophia: *Ears perk as she accesses the network* "I can now."

    Sophia: "I'll land a few blocks away."
    Henry: "Is that necessary?"
    Sophia: "Well if Ares is there, I don't want to fly over the building only to be taken out by an RPG."
    Hugo: "Why would our mortal enemies try and hurt us?"

    Hugo: "I'm amazed at the rigidity of that character sheet."

    Blackwolf: "I use the Second Chance patch on Snell."
    Snell: *Passes out*
    Hugo: "What is that?"
    Blackwolf: "It's like a strong tranq patch."
    Hugo: "Dang, date rape got easy in 2070."

    Hugo: "Can we see what's in the box?"
    Blackwolf: "No, that's bad form. Besides, we don't know what's in it. It could be Hestaby's metahuman undies. Who'd want that?"
    Hugo, Snowfire, & Danny: "Well..." :D

    Hugo: "It's like we left the stove on. A very angry stove from a giant dragon that's gonna burn us."

    Hugo: "The medic, what did we do to him?"
    DM: "Put a large gaping hole in him."
    Hugo: "Hmm, the medic is allergic to holes in him."

    Ms. M: "Custody? Are you guys the Rangers now?"
    Blackwolf: "No, I'm going to gloat."
    Ms. M: "What, you're a goat?"

    Blackwolf: "In Russia, food dines on you."
    Ian: "Food can eat me all it wants, I'll chomp it back."
    Hugo: "I don't think you all know how food works."

    Hugo: "Rydia, I'm a lion."
    Rydia: "You're lying?"
    Hugo: "No, a lion. I have a picture."
    Rydia: "That doesn't help me."
    Blackwolf: "It's a picture of him with Dr. Chang."
    Rydia: *Waves a hand in front of her blind eyes* "THAT. DOES. NOT. HELP. ME."

    Ian: "Oh well, if it's a good hotdog it could take me all night."

    Ian: "I go back to the hotel. Our hotel, not a random one."
    Hugo: "Just pick any hotel, go pass out in their lobby. Works at cons."

    Blackwolf: "Snowfire is 32 meters old."

    Ian: "How much does ammo cost for the P93?"
    Snowfire: "Three."
    Ian: "Three what?"
    Snowfire: "Fruit."
    Ian: "What fruit?"
    Snowfire: "Watermelon!"

    Auren: "I can kill catering with a thought, I can kill you with a thought, I can kill me with a thought for I am powerful! So why with all this power can I not find a food tray that is dry?
    Danny: "Food for thought?"
    Auren: "Death by tray it shall be!"
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races
    Avatar by me - Sparks, kobold wizard

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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    GreataxeFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    "I don't even know any Dragons. No, really. You can kill all those mother****ers. No skin off of my nose."
    Struggle is the Father of all things.

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    Troll in the Playground
     
    Hunter Noventa's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    "Did you just Bardblock me?!"
    "And if you don't, the consequences will be dire!"
    "What? They'll have three extra hit dice and a rend attack?"

    Factotum Variants!

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Dragon: BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE.
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  13. - Top - End - #13
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    More from my campaign!

    Thomas: "It's not an RPG session until someone quotes Monty Python."
    Liam: "And I think we have a perfect opportunity to quote Monty Python right here."
    Everyone but Anna: "I'M A LUMBERJACK AND I'M OKAY, I WORK ALL NIGHT AND I SLEEP ALL DAY."
    Anna: *revs up chainsaw*

    Thomas: "I'm not sure if he should let Liam drink that much."
    Robin: "He's British, he's always drunk."

    Thomas: "So, with Anna far away from us, who's driving?"
    Liam: "Me!"
    Thomas: "No - you're a Brit and you're drunk for Brit standards, if we don't crash, it will be a miracle."

    Anna: "I'm wondering how they've kept the knife-wielding psychopath, the computer genius and the lumberjack hostage for that long."
    Jack: "I bet you fifteen bucks one of them is Magneto."
    Last edited by GPuzzle; 2014-05-24 at 03:38 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dienekes View Post
    The Joker is supposed to be a nightmarish figure, the culmination of all things despicable and horrible about mankind. Of course he's a hipster.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    GM: "You killed something with a bard!"

    GM: "The door tells you that it does not want to be opened."
    P2: "Well, then, the door is going to need to make a Diplomacy check."

    P1: "You take 18 points of... DM damage."
    P3: "A fiat drops on your head."

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Need_A_Life's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    FBI boss: "So, considering all of the deaths and property damage, we think it appropriate that you go express your condolences to these people."
    P1: "I requisition two M16s, bulletproof vests and night vision goggles."

    P1: "We need to find out what's going on here."
    P2 (to GM): "I eat a pear."
    P1: "C'mon, these monsters could have anything planned; they've locked us in here and taken away our guns."
    P2: "We're in a meeting room; there's fresh fruit and magazines while we wait for the good doctor to finish her meeting, so we can talk to her."
    P1: "Well, what's to stop them from just killing us?"
    GM: "Well, P2 asked if he could come and they just let him in and you just waltzed into the facility and had lunch, no questions asked."
    P2: "Do I see any apples? <GM nods> I eat an apple."

    P1: "They're treating me like I'm some sort of psychotic serial killer"
    P2: "Well-"
    P1: "Yeah, but they don't know that!"
    P2: "Well, they do, actually."
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solaris View Post
    And don't forget that a lack of skills needn't be a problem - in a pinch, BAB can substitute for a lot of skills! Diplomacy ("If you be friend, me no stab in face"), Hide ("If you no see, me no stab in face"), Move Silently ("If you no hear, me no stab in face"), Open Lock ("Me stab lock in face with adamantine dagger"), Heal ("Me stab you in face until you no dying anymore"), Climb ("Me stab rock face"), and so on!

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    "No, you're not in range to turn off the cake batter."

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Orc in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Quote Originally Posted by bulbaquil View Post
    GM: "You killed something with a bard!"

    GM: "The door tells you that it does not want to be opened."
    P2: "Well, then, the door is going to need to make a Diplomacy check."

    P1: "You take 18 points of... DM damage."
    P3: "A fiat drops on your head."
    I blame you for the water I spurted all over my screen and keyboard.
    Last edited by Prince Raven; 2014-05-25 at 08:58 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cikomyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rezkeshdadesh View Post
    Discussions about D&D also inevitably come up when people ask me how I met my wife.
    Kids, let me tell you about how I met your mother...
    Quote Originally Posted by malonkey1 View Post
    I mean, you're a bard. If it doesn't end with everyone getting married boning indiscriminately, it's a tragedy.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Necroticplague's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Kreig:let's try an intimidate attempt. Using never outnumbered so it applies to all of them.
    *rolls*
    DM:*even more rolls*
    Wow, none of these guys stood a chance even without these poor rolls. They're all running for the hills. What did you say in this show of force anyway?
    Kreig: "Behold my >:[ face, and despair!"
    Avatar by TinyMushroom.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    M12 Game Quotes~

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    Sophia: "My butt is sticking to the plastic couch covers."
    Blackwolf: "Here, sit on my jacket."
    Sophia: "My butt will stick to the leather."
    Blackwolf: "Fine, just turn it over to the fabric."
    Sophia: "But it smells."
    Blackwolf: "WILL YOU JUST PUT ON SOME PANTS ALREADY?!"

    Blackwolf: "Nobody laugh, but Mrs. Johnson will take good care of Dr. Nixon."
    Snowfire: *Sarcastically* "Ha. Ha."
    Blackwolf: *Glare*
    Snowfire: "I got the memo late."
    Blackwolf: "A week slow, but you get there eventually?"
    Snowfire: "How's the weather down there, shorty?"
    Blackwolf: "I don't know, you're blocking the sun."

    Dr. Nixon: "So my offer is 500,000 nuyen for the nuclear material. Do we have a deal?"
    Danny: "Sure."
    Super Joe: "Hell yeah. With that much money I could buy Sophia to build me a bomb."
    Blackwolf: "No! No nukes!"
    Danny: "Sophia isn't for sale."
    Sophia: "My skills are."
    Danny: "But that's what he'd be buying, specifically-"
    Blackwolf: "Don't go there."

    Danny: "I have a stupid idea and I can't help that because I'm a clown."
    Super Joe: "Honk honk."

    Danny: "Sader Krupp- We have big plans for the future, and you're not in it."

    Ian: "Danny, how solid is your truck?"
    Danny: "Being an 18-wheeler, it's only semi-solid."
    Ian: "I'm going to punch you through your radio, but before I do, why don't you just run the other truck off the road?"
    Danny: "I was thinking about that, but I don't want them figuring out what's going on."
    Ian: "Unless they're psychic or from the Bronx, they won't assume you're going to hit them!"

    Blackwolf: "Let's catch them at the point of no return."
    Super Joe: "I'm at the point of no return."
    Zelda: "You are the point of no return."

    DM: "In a full conversion cyborg, the brain is most likely still in the head."
    Blackwolf: "It could fit anywhere in the body though."
    Danny: "So like, in the butt?"
    DM: "So if someone kicks your arse, you'll have a headache?"

    Danny: "I ram the car in front of me with the semi."
    Ian: "You're doing 7 mph. What is that going to do?"
    18-Wheeler: *Hits the car in front*
    Car: *Somehow manages to soak most of the damage*
    18-Wheeler: *Fails to soak any damage and glitched the test*
    Danny: "...Daimler engineering went to hell in 60 years."

    DM: "Ian, the cyborg has Hugo in a choke hold and-"
    Ian: *Fires his mass-driver, taking the cyborg's head off*
    DM: "-is now a fancy scratching post for Hugo."

    Danny: "Since Lowfyr's truck sucks, I'll take this Kenmore one. It should be okay."
    Super Joe: "So long as you don't hit a Pinto, you should survive."

    DM: "Super Joe power slides the Studebaker, leaning out the window like-"
    Blackwolf: "Jason Bourne?"
    DM: "Ace Ventura."

    Blackwolf: "I give away the jeep and come back with a pickup truck."
    Snowfire: "CAS conversion complete."

    Danny: "Mine was better because it was bigger."
    Blackwolf: "Yeah, and I bet it was a lot easier."
    Hugo: "I like easy."
    Zelda: "What the hell kind of conversation did I just walk in on?"

    Hugo: "Baba Yaga is scary."
    Blackwolf: "Every mythical creature in Russia is scary."
    Hugo: "But not vodka. I like vodka."
    Danny: "The purpose of vodka is to cloud your vision so you don't see the scary."

    Danny: "Well who looks twice at a cat?"
    Blackwolf, Hugo, & Snowfire: *Raises a hand*
    Super Joe: "I stare at our catgirl."
    Sophia: *Hiss* "Quit staring."
    Danny: "If I scratch you behind the ears, will you take off your top?"
    Sophia: *Gives the finger* "Honk on this, clown."

    Troll: *Bursts into a ball of fire*
    Hugo: "Where'd the troll get a flame thrower? They're illegal on all planets."
    Danny: "I can ask him, but I think he's only going to respond with 'Ah! Ah! Put me out! Put me out!"

    Danny: "I ask the tuba, are you sad that I'm tracking the cat or sad that you are not my objective?"
    Team: *Stares in silence*
    Gillian: "Boys, it's a tuba. It doesn't talk."

    Fridge: *makes soft oink noises*
    Hugo: *Opens fridge and finds a ham. Closes the fridge*
    Fridge: *Makes soft Moo noises*
    Hugo: *Opens fridge*
    Giant Firey Balor Demon in Fridge: "ZUUL MOTHER**CKER, ZUUL!!"
    Hugo: *Shuts the fridge and backs away slowly*
    Danny: "What happened, did everything go weird on you?"
    Hugo: I... ahhhh weeeell uhhh Call the Ghostbusters."

    Danny: "I take the sea salt, I say a prayer, and I throw the salt in the fridge and shut the door."
    Henry: "The fridge has been insalted."
    Hugo: "Ugh, that was bitter."

    Danny: "I'm a little dismayed that Hugo is attacking the cake, but I killed the bathroom chandallier so at least he is doing something productive."

    Hugo: *pouts*
    Danny: "Why are you pouting?"
    Henry: "Is that a lower lip or a 10 mph bumper on your chin?"

    Hugo: "By the way, there's bones above the other bones and no I don't explain this."

    DM: "The cat bounds off Danny's head, over Sophia, under Hugo's legs, and disappears in the Tartan Room."
    Henry: "The cat. Its gone to plaid!"

    Danny: "This is great, we're channeling our inner child. Except for you Sophia, you got an inner kitten."
    Sophia: "My inner kitten can beat up your inner child."

    Hugo: "I'm a... lion."
    DM: "Then stop lion."
    Hugo: "I can't stop! Snowfire, help me!"
    Snowfire: "Fine. I'll take away Hugo's credit card."
    Hugo: "Then I'll follow you around and poke you with this spoon incessantly until you give back what you stole!"
    Snowfire: Your spoon is ineffectual. Without your credit card you can't charge me with theft."
    Hugo: "For being so tall my friend, you think such short term."
    Snowfire: "Yeah, well for being so short, you... are short."
    Hugo: "Well yes, I am short, but it lets me see the big picture!"
    Blackwolf: "Don't make me turn this rifle around and shoot you both!"

    DM: "Super Joe, flick the Thingamawizzer!"

    Henry: "I think the cat went... catatonic."
    Blackwolf: "Will someone just punch Henry already? Ugh!"
    Hugo: "Why? I might hurt him."
    Blackwolf: "Fine, then I'll punch Henry."
    Snowfire: "Whoa, are we punching Henry? Can I get in on this?"
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  20. - Top - End - #20
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    GreenSorcererElf

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Fridge: *makes soft oink noises*
    Hugo: *Opens fridge and finds a ham. Closes the fridge*
    Fridge: *Makes soft Moo noises*
    Hugo: *Opens fridge*
    Giant Firey Balor Demon in Fridge: "ZUUL MOTHER**CKER, ZUUL!!"
    Hugo: *Shuts the fridge and backs away slowly*
    Danny: "What happened, did everything go weird on you?"
    Hugo: I... ahhhh weeeell uhhh Call the Ghostbusters."
    why is this the quote that made me laugh the most? out of any post you've made on these threads this single one got the loudest and longest laugh, and i don't know why
    oh well, it was a good laugh
    elemental avatar by kaariane

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  21. - Top - End - #21
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

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    "Sure, I probably can't win this fight. You've got the edge on strength, speed, endurance and weaponry. You're probably right that I'm going to die here. But I'm not backing down, and you know why? Because even if you finally beat me down, even if there's nobody around to tell the story of this fight, you're going to have to live with the memory that even with every advantage an old pacifist cripple managed to hand you your own ass for longer than you thought possible. I may die, but I plan on laughing up the story around a pint in heaven, while you're trying to blot out the memory with a bottle long after I'm gone. It'll be glorious."
    Spoiler
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    My motto: Repensum Est Canicula.

    Quote Originally Posted by turkishproverb View Post
    I am not getting into a shootout with Golentan. Too many gun-arms.
    Leiningen will win, even if he must lose in the attempt.

    Credit to Astrella for the new party avatar.

  22. - Top - End - #22
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Henry: "You're not one of those Twilight vampires, right?"
    Vampire: "No, I do not glitter in the daylight."
    Snowfire: *Shows up with a flamethrower* "Let's test that theory."

    Blackwolf: "I give away the jeep and come back with a pickup truck."
    Snowfire: "CAS conversion complete."
    [Favorite character intensifies]

    DM: "So you all de-evolve yourselves from... err, de-involve yourselves..."
    Hugo: "Press B to stop evolution."

    Ian: "I draw my pistol, put it to my head-"
    Hugo: "And summon your persona."
    Ian: "Sure, I summon my perso- NO."

    DM: "The cat bounds off Danny's head, over Sophia, under Hugo's legs, and disappears in the Tartan Room."
    Henry: "The cat. Its gone to plaid!"
    Man, I wish my group was this good at references...

    Hugo: "Rydia, I'm a lion."
    Rydia: "You're lying?"
    Hugo: "No, a lion. I have a picture."
    Rydia: "That doesn't help me."
    Blackwolf: "It's a picture of him with Dr. Chang."
    Rydia: *Waves a hand in front of her blind eyes* "THAT. DOES. NOT. HELP. ME."
    ...though on the other hand, I find your lack of Avatar: The Last Airbender references disturbing. Literally every conversation including Rydia has included at least one opportunity to quote Toph, yet not one of these opportunities has been seized.

    Blackwolf: "They found Snowfire's stash?"
    Hugo: "Somewhere there's a dragon flushing his stash down the toilet."
    Snowfire: "Are we joking about joints or porn mags? Cause that's going to determine how stupid this conversation will get."

    Hugo: "Can we see what's in the box?"
    Blackwolf: "No, that's bad form. Besides, we don't know what's in it. It could be Hestaby's metahuman undies. Who'd want that?"
    Hugo, Snowfire, & Danny: "Well..." :D
    On one hand I'm kind of curious as to what exactly what qualifies as "hot" to a dragon, on the other hand I really don't want to know.

    Sophia: "My butt is sticking to the plastic couch covers."
    Blackwolf: "Here, sit on my jacket."
    Sophia: "My butt will stick to the leather."
    Blackwolf: "Fine, just turn it over to the fabric."
    Sophia: "But it smells."
    Blackwolf: "WILL YOU JUST PUT ON SOME PANTS ALREADY?!"

    Dr. Nixon: "So my offer is 500,000 nuyen for the nuclear material. Do we have a deal?"
    Danny: "Sure."
    Super Joe: "Hell yeah. With that much money I could buy Sophia to build me a bomb."
    Blackwolf: "No! No nukes!"
    Danny: "Sophia isn't for sale."
    Sophia: "My skills are."
    Danny: "But that's what he'd be buying, specifically-"
    Blackwolf: "Don't go there."
    I'm starting to understand the other runners' surprise at Blackwolf's having reproduced. Who asks a catgirl to put pants on?

    Speaking of which:

    Danny: "Well who looks twice at a cat?"
    Blackwolf, Hugo, & Snowfire: *Raises a hand*
    Super Joe: "I stare at our catgirl."
    Sophia: *Hiss* "Quit staring."
    Danny: "If I scratch you behind the ears, will you take off your top?"
    Sophia: *Gives the finger* "Honk on this, clown."

    Danny: "This is great, we're channeling our inner child. Except for you Sophia, you got an inner kitten."
    Sophia: "My inner kitten can beat up your inner child."
    Being Sophia is suffering.

    Snowfire: "Yeah, well for being so short, you... are short."
    Revan avatar by kaptainkrutch.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cirrylius View Post
    That's how wizards beta test their new animals. If it survives Australia, it's a go. Which in hindsight explains a LOT about Australia.

  23. - Top - End - #23
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    Sartharina's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    ...dangit, I can't remember the exact words/lyrics he used, but the dwarf in our party just sang a song about the process of becoming an honorary clan member to the tune of the Spice Girl's "Wannabe". All I can remember is the "If you wannabe my brother, gotta join with my clan/Honor is forever/And holds to our last man!"

    Except he had almost the full song mapped out to dwarvenliness. I have NO idea how long he'd been planning on springing that on us. It was impressive.
    Last edited by Sartharina; 2014-05-28 at 03:45 AM.

  24. - Top - End - #24
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Quote Originally Posted by Sartharina View Post
    ...dangit, I can't remember the exact words/lyrics he used, but the dwarf in our party just sang a song about the process of becoming an honorary clan member to the tune of the Spice Girl's "Wannabe". All I can remember is the "If you wannabe my brother, gotta join with my clan/Honor is forever/And holds to our last man!"

    Except he had almost the full song mapped out to dwarvenliness. I have NO idea how long he'd been planning on springing that on us. It was impressive.
    .......

    This is a masterpiece. That I must RECREATE!
    I'm also on discord as "raziere".



  25. - Top - End - #25
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    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Quote Originally Posted by Sith_Happens View Post
    Man, I wish my group was this good at references...

    ...though on the other hand, I find your lack of Avatar: The Last Airbender references disturbing. Literally every conversation including Rydia has included at least one opportunity to quote Toph, yet not one of these opportunities has been seized.
    I think what gave us a bit of an edge in references was that the ages among the players varied a good deal, between 24 and 40. As we often recommended various films and shows to each other from sich different eras, we became pretty well versed in references. Probably the number one derailer of our sessions...

    Except for Avatar TLA. Yeah, we totally dropped the ball with as many opportunities we could have taken advantage of for Toph quotes.
    And I'm a big fan of Toph myself. Her and Iroh were my favorite characters.


    MOAR Quotes~
    Spoiler
    Show

    Peanut Gallery: “There are these things called celery blinds- I mean, cellular blinds.”
    DM: “Mmm… celery blinds.”
    Blackwolf: “Water them and they’re great!”

    Danny: “Can I ask you a crazy question?”
    Blackwolf: “You're a clown. Everything you say is crazy.”

    Blackwolf: “Hmmm… something strong that can claw peoples faces off and throw them around? Do we know anyone like that?”
    Hugo: “Yeah, Snowfire.”
    Danny: “I was going to guess Minnie Mouse.”

    Blackwolf: “Hey Sophia, we found a mechanic shop down here.”
    Sophia: “Oooh, shiny tools, but… I don’t want to swim in the cold water to get there, but… I like shiny tools, but… I hate cold water…”
    Henry: “Are you Taz now?”
    Sophia: “I got an idea! I’ll be right back.”
    Henry: “Well she’s off to do something… everyone brace yourselves for an explosion.”

    Danny: “I’m going to try a theory.”
    Blackwolf: “Before or after I stick my head in this?”

    DM: “That was about as free-form as standing in a Car Wash without your car.”

    Hugo: “Henry’s hometown in Sarasota has the Sarasota City Area Transport.”
    Danny: “Its full of it.”

    DM: “Blackwolf, you’re on fire.”
    Blackwolf: “Damn it.”
    Gillian: “Just keep fighting, I’ll stop you… Err, I’ll stop the fire on you…”

    Blackwolf: “Well we were going to check that for door.”
    DM: “Uh… for door? Did you mean 'check the door' before the catastrophe hit?”
    Blackwolf: “Why did we want a trophy of a cat’s butt?”

    Hugo: “Remember, Super Joe is the TV and Saran Wrap guy.”

    Hugo: “Aww, it was such a sweet cat.”
    Gillian: “It was an angry polymorphed Balor.”

    Danny: “I want some time in Presidia so I can punch Mark Twain.”

    Ms. M: “It took Sophia, two street docs, and a dwarf engineer four hours to peel the skin and corneas off Drogan for the Drogan Drone.”
    Hugo: “A drone. Wearing the skin of a dwarf?”
    Danny: “I think it's still technically eligible for a Nobel prize.”

    Auren: *Casts an Armor spell on an Emblem model executive helicopter*
    Hugo: “Can I get one of those?”
    Auren: “I was hired only for the helicopter’s enchanting.”
    Hugo: “Can’t you do me after?”
    Auren: “No. Not in any sense of that phrase.”

    Danny: “Hugo’s going to learn Kung-Fu the Bruce Lee method. He’s going to stick his thumb up Lee’s butt and see how many times Lee kicks him in the head.”
    Snowfire: “How does this teach anything? Not that I wouldn't pay good money to see it happen.”

    Henry: “You want me to jump out of a moving what onto a moving huh?!”
    Blackwolf: “Does this helicopter have a bathroom?”
    Ms. M: “No, it does not.”
    Blackwolf: “Do we need to stop for a pack of Depends for Henry?”
    Snowfire: “Depends.”
    Sophia: “Depends on what?”
    Snowfire: “Depends on Henry. Unless you want to wear them. Ha ha ha!”
    Ian: “You’re not railgun proof, dragon.”

    DM: “There would be a penalty if you held onto that ladder.”
    Hugo: “You don’t know that. He could have experience on the pole.”
    Danny: “Yeah but this is to get rid of the dollars, not collect them!”

    DM: “If the bomb went off, San Francisco would be very dirty.”
    Hugo: “So no difference then?”

    Danny: “You're an ork. Hating rich people and elves is part of your DNA.”

    DM: “Stealth check, Joe.”
    Super Joe: “Nine hits. How is that?”
    Hugo: “Stealth?! He has that skill? When did Joe ever use that?”
    Super Joe: “Just now.”
    Hugo: “After all this time?! Who are you and what did you do with our Super Joe?!”

    Sophia: “I can’t lose the police in this UPS truck. Someone do a Plan B.”
    Super Joe: “Hugo, do the honors of opening the rear door.”
    Hugo: *Opens the truck's back door*
    Ian: *Fires his railgun into the police cruiser’s engine block*
    Snowfire: *Fires his laser rifle into the cruiser’s driver*
    Super Joe: *Fires a grenade under the police cruiser*
    Police Cruiser: *Is no longer recognizable as a police cruiser from the fiery explosion*
    Hugo: “I uh… I close the door.”
    Danny: “What can Brown do for you?”

    Blackwolf: “Snowfire, I need two bursts up the stairwell.”
    Snowfire: *Starts up The Vindicator minigun*
    DM: “Uh... does that weapon do anything less than full-auto?”
    Snowfire: “Nope.”
    Hugo: “You pull the trigger and it just throws the entire belt out.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  26. - Top - End - #26
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    jqavins's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    "OK, then let's go break the king's knee caps."

    "I'm gonna go with massive overkill, 'cause I know that works."
    Last edited by jqavins; 2014-05-28 at 11:46 AM.
    -- Joe
    “Shared pain is diminished. Shared joy is increased.”
    -- Spider Roninson

    Always remember that anything posted on the internet is, in a practical if not a legal sense, in the public domain.
    You are completely welcome to use anything I post here, or I wouldn't post it.

  27. - Top - End - #27
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Henry: “You want me to jump out of a moving what onto a moving huh?!”
    Blackwolf: “Does this helicopter have a bathroom?”
    Ms. M: “No, it does not.”
    Blackwolf: “Do we need to stop for a pack of Depends for Henry?”
    Snowfire: “Depends.”
    Sophia: “Depends on what?”
    Snowfire: “Depends on Henry. Unless you want to wear them. Ha ha ha!”
    Ian: “You’re not railgun proof, dragon.”
    Best Line once again goes to Snowfire.

    Sophia: “I can’t lose the police in this UPS truck. Someone do a Plan B.”
    Super Joe: “Hugo, do the honors of opening the rear door.”
    Hugo: *Opens the truck's back door*
    Ian: *Fires his railgun into the police cruiser’s engine block*
    Snowfire: *Fires his laser rifle into the cruiser’s driver*
    Super Joe: *Fires a grenade under the police cruiser*
    Police Cruiser: *Is no longer recognizable as a police cruiser from the fiery explosion*
    Hugo: “I uh… I close the door.”
    Danny: “What can Brown do for you?”

    Blackwolf: “Snowfire, I need two bursts up the stairwell.”
    Snowfire: *Starts up The Vindicator minigun*
    DM: “Uh... does that weapon do anything less than full-auto?”
    Snowfire: “Nope.”
    Hugo: “You pull the trigger and it just throws the entire belt out.”
    I take it you run more of a mirror-shades game then?
    Revan avatar by kaptainkrutch.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cirrylius View Post
    That's how wizards beta test their new animals. If it survives Australia, it's a go. Which in hindsight explains a LOT about Australia.

  28. - Top - End - #28
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    Flumph

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Wizard: *wakes up* What? Who's there?
    Me: Nobody. *Rolls Bluff*
    Wizard: Ok, ok. *goes back to sleep*

    Orc: Who do you think we are? Savages?

  29. - Top - End - #29
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    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Quote Originally Posted by Sith_Happens View Post
    I take it you run more of a mirror-shades game then?
    Yeah. ;3


    Well, this is the last of the quotes I have for this campaign. The final bits~

    Spoiler
    Show

    Danny: "Now there's an hour we're not getting back."

    Blackwolf: "I have grenades, Danny has grenades, Super Joe has grenades-"
    Danny: "Wouldn't you like to have grenades too?"
    Ian: "No."
    Snowfire: "Yes."
    Henry: "NO!"

    DM: "Hugo will be here in 40 minutes with the drama."
    Blackwolf: "I hope he doesn't bring any."
    DM: "Not bring the 40s? Why not?"
    Party: *Stares at the DM*
    DM: "I totally misheard something, didn't I?"

    Blackwolf: "Between me and Super Joe, we'll grenade security into their next 3 lives."
    Zelda: "If the Dirty Pair were guys, you two would be them."
    Ian: "Oh s**t, there goes the planet."

    Blackwolf: "He is worth his weight in C4."

    Robot: *Attacks Hugo*
    Danny: "Hugo, do the Bruce Lee method. Stick your thumb up its butt and see what you can learn from it!"

    Danny: "Clown Makeup Go!"
    Snowfire: "Is that your sailor soldier transform phrase?"
    Zelda: "Danny, you look like a member of KISS."
    Danny: "Just what we need, Gene Simmons with a flame thrower!"
    Ian: "No, no we don't."

    Danny: "Okay, I need someone who likes to shoot things. And Henry."
    Blackwolf: "You just hired the entire team."

    Danny: "Wait, so I'm standing at a window that displays images of a window that doesn't give me the view of a window?"
    DM: "Correct, that is it exactly."
    Danny: "What a ripoff."
    Henry: "There's no view to the CEO's office?"
    DM: "Heck no. If I put a window in the CEO's office, you all would find a way to shove the CEO through it."

    DM: "Okay, so do we move into the garage or do we continue to talk about hot oil and plugs?"

    Henry: "This limo doesn't have any weapons?"
    DM: "No, why would it?"
    Danny: "Maybe the CEO likes leaving the office shooting a gatling gun?"
    Snowfire: "Sounds like the last time my company downsized."

    DM: "The remaining attack chopper fires a missile at the limo."
    Blackwolf: "Hang on to something!"
    Danny: "Sophia, dodge like Hugo does!!"
    Sophia: *Dives out of the driver's seat and runs, leaving the limo to get hit by the missile*

    Danny: "If you ask the unconscious people about getting thrown out of the limo they won't say no. It's called implied consent!"

    Hugo: "Do I have to roll to find the blue hose or can I see color?"

    DM: "You cut the hose and the high-pressure air goes blasting into your face."
    Hugo: "Oh gawd, the Nitrogen burns!! I'm being attacked by a flailing hose!"
    Danny: "Shut up and dodge the rubber!"

    Danny: "Okay, Henry, you need to cut the three black wires and then remove the two bolts securing the center core of the warehead from the frame."
    Henry: "At what point did you become a Nuclear EOD operator?"
    Danny: "I downloaded the manual from the internet. You can read the pictures, right?"

    DM: "At the top floor you see two secretaries wearing low-cut business suits and bunny-ear headbands."
    Hugo: "I see a pattern in the CEO's hobbies."
    Blackwolf: "And why are they not panicking and running off like everyone else?"
    Danny: "I'll go ask them why they're here."
    Blackwolf: "Brilliant, they're going to see Gene Simmons walk up to them with a flame thrower asking for directions."

    DM: "And suddenly, a D&D game broke out."

    Blackwolf: "Those aren't secretaries!"
    Henry: "They're a space station?"

    Blackwolf: "Just let it go, Hugo."
    Danny: "He's about to. All over his pants and the carpet."

    Snowfire: *Hands Sophia his minigun* "It is dangerous to stay alone. Take this."
    Sophia: "Take it? I can't even lift it!"
    Danny: "You could probably ride it out to the parking lot if you hold the trigger down."

    Danny: "I call Lofwyr's secretary."
    Secretary: "Hello, Lofwyr's office, how may I help you?"
    Danny: "Is the big D in?"
    Secretary: "I'm sorry sir, he's out on lunch."
    Henry: "What's he do for lunch, the whole cow at McDonalds?"
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  30. - Top - End - #30
    Orc in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

    Not the end of the Majestic 12 quotes, oh the huge manatee!

    A few quotes from my campaign:

    *Klein and Cay'tel see someone spying on them from an alleyway and rush over*
    Dehvi: I clime the nearest building. *climbs* Can I spot him?
    DM: You didn't see him or ask those who did what he looks like
    Dehvi: Oh... I'll clime back down now
    NPC: There goes another capering crusader

    Acmai: I say we all get some hot meat pies
    *Group sits down to eat some pie*
    NPC: Those are some nice pies, cooked them myself. Now the pastry and the meat's important but don’t get me started on the gravy. You see, a lot of people give up on the gravy, but you -cannot- -give up- on the gravy.

    Klein: Five silver pennies on the tall one
    NPC: I'll take that bet
    *Dehvi throws a stick at Nicholas, Nicholas charges forward and knocks him out cold in a single swing*
    Klein: Fine, here.
    NPC: Thank you kindly.
    Klein: A silver mark on the tall one again
    NPC: Can't say no to taking your money
    *After much furious batting of sticks, Nicholas knocks Cay'tel out cold with a critical hit*
    NPC: Pleasure doing business with you
    Klein: *hefting his "stick" (greatclub)* I'll challenge him then, what say you to 5 whole silver marks?
    *NPC is too busy quaffing his winnings in ale form with his friends to notice*
    Last edited by Prince Raven; 2014-05-29 at 10:40 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cikomyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rezkeshdadesh View Post
    Discussions about D&D also inevitably come up when people ask me how I met my wife.
    Kids, let me tell you about how I met your mother...
    Quote Originally Posted by malonkey1 View Post
    I mean, you're a bard. If it doesn't end with everyone getting married boning indiscriminately, it's a tragedy.

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