Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then

[the clumsy bard]

Game of 3.5 well into epic levels.

* I am not allowed to play a death knight of the god of murder in a mostly good ish party

** I cannot bait the PC playing the high priestess of Pelor by making a pentagon summoning circle in my own blood on the walls of her new temple

*** I cannot kidnap the followers of pelor we spent several sessions saving behind the backs of the rest of the party

**** I cannot pit said followers of Pelor against each other in 4 groups until they have been rendered insane / scarred beyond help

***** I cannot then have the god of murder turn them into his personal followers and warp them into unknown abberations with terrible powers who follow my every whim

****** I cannot then save the party by summoning them to save us from a dire situation by having them traipse in front of the high priestess of Pelor, all the while her wondering aloud to the DM about the location of the saved followers of Pelor from a dozen sessions ago.

[the clumsy bard]

Same game

* I am not allowed to take any levels of wizard after taking 20 levels of warblade

** I am not allowed to then make massive amounts of Exploding Runes

*** I am not allowed to kill a general by throwing a net filled with books with exploding runes inscribed within and then casting dispel magic on said net filled with books.

[GPuzzle]

Not RPG, but rather Civ V, with everyone interpretating a different leader.

Sweden/Gustavus Adolphus:

*Sabaton is forbidden.
**Especially The Lion From the North.

*Stockholm is not the Holy City for Islam.
**Nope, you cannot ask the person who will found Islam to send "missionaries" your way.

Poland/Casimir III:

*Sabaton is forbidden... again.
**40:1 is deemed unnaceptable for wars.
***Uprising shall not be played when turning the tides.

*"Why didn't you invest in Eastern Poland?" is not an acceptable trade offer.

*Pretending to be Dolan and calling yourself "Polan" is frowned upon.

Germany/Bismark:

*Sabaton is forbidden... for everyone.
**Gott Mitt Uns while losing wars is refused.
***Hearts of Iron is also refused.

*"Guten tag" is not what you say when you unleash Clausewitz's Legacy.
**Nor is it "ANCHLUSS!"

*"GOLD FOR THE GOLD GOD!" is not your religion.

Brazil/Pedro II:

*Sabaton is forbidden.
**Just lost one Pracinha, and then unleashed hell? Smoking Snakes is prohibited.

*"Hey let's throw a world into a world war" is not a good way to win the game via Cultural Victory.

Inca/Pachacuti:

*First time Sabaton isn't forbidden...

*Mount Kilimanjaro for 4 movement on hills... What.
**Nope, not Skyrim Horses.

Arabia/Harun Al-Rashid:

*Sabaton isn't forbidden... wait, you got Panzers from a city-state. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....

*After conquering Mount Kilimanjaro from the Inca, you cannot rename it "Mount Camelmanjaro".

*No missionaries to Sweden.
**No "missionaries" to Sweden.
***"DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE THE HEAR THE WORD OF THE PANZER GOD?" is not appropriate.

Everyone:

*Polandball references are forbidden.
**Especially "EVEN IN GAME, POLAND CANNOT INTO SPACE!"

[Somensjev]

*i may not use touch of golden ice as a faux-detect evil

[DigoDragon]

* I am no longer allowed to pull the 'Whip cream in the hand' prank on a sleeping NPC.
** Especially if I placed a live grenade in his hand underneath that whip cream.

[FlameI7]

* I cannot make a paladin named Seth with blue armor. This paladin cannot start several levels higher than the rest of the party, nor may he start with better items.
** I may not make a crybaby female archer with pink hair named Neimi. This archer cannot have a best friend who is a rogue, nor a dead grandfather who taught her archery. The village that the archer came from may not be burned down by bandits.
*** I may not make an assassin named Joshua who is the prince of a desert kingdom. This assassin may not hide his title. This assassin cannot have a sword that raises his crit rate named Killer Edge.
**** I cannot make a wizard specializing in dark magic named knoll. This wizard cannot be a part of a group that tries to tap into the power of a holy tablet that is the cage of the demon king to help people (smart idea, I know).
***** The BBEG cannot have six generals named after gemstones.
****** I cannot have a cutscene showing one of the generals killing another. This cutscene may not move to a cutscene of the murderous general blaming the party of the murder to the dead generals brother. The dead generals brother may not swear revenge, and then never be mentioned again.

This list could go on forever, should I continue?

[Rater202]

* I cannot make a paladin named Seth with blue armor. This paladin cannot start several levels higher than the rest of the party, nor may he start with better items.
** I may not make a crybaby female archer with pink hair named Neimi. This archer cannot have a best friend who is a rogue, nor a dead grandfather who taught her archery. The village that the archer came from may not be burned down by bandits.
*** I may not make an assassin named Joshua who is the prince of a desert kingdom. This assassin may not hide his title. This assassin cannot have a sword that raises his crit rate named Killer Edge.
**** I cannot make a wizard specializing in dark magic named knoll. This wizard cannot be a part of a group that tries to tap into the power of a holy tablet that is the cage of the demon king to help people (smart idea, I know).
***** The BBEG cannot have six generals named after gemstones.
****** I cannot have a cutscene showing one of the generals killing another. This cutscene may not move to a cutscene of the murderous general blaming the party of the murder to the dead generals brother. The dead generals brother may not swear revenge, and then never be mentioned again.

This list could go on forever, should I continue?

That depends, just hat the hell are you referancing

*If I create a homebrewed supernatural power to represent the Sharingan, sponsored magic for Mangekyo, an other power upgrade for Eternal Magekyo, and about a dozen minor powers and a second sponsored magic for Rinnegan and it's powers, the total refresh cost should not be less than 25

[FlameI7]

That depends, just hat the hell are you referancing

Fire emblam sacred stones. I realize that it's not the most common game, but I got my whole group to play it, and I was banned from doing this stuff, soooo...

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

* I cannot make a paladin named Seth with blue armor. This paladin cannot start several levels higher than the rest of the party, nor may he start with better items.

If you have Seth, why is the rest of the party there?

**I may not do the above but name him Fredrick instead.

[Braininthejar2]

Refluffing a quickloading crossbow with vampire-slaying arrows into a repeater stake launcher is cool. But filling the entire belt of many pockets with garlic to fumigate their lair is a bit of an overkill.

[GPuzzle]

If you have Seth, why is the rest of the party there?

**I may not do the above but name him Fredrick instead.

***The PCs may not time travel to find their dead fathers and mothers and stop them from dying.
****If I decide to argue what the hell would happen due to sci-fi time travel logic, black hole opens, everyone dies.

[Silus]

*I may not, under any circumstances, make a teenage Force user with the personality of Ryuuko Matoi (Kill la Kill), the speed and agility of Ruby and Blake (RWBY) and the Force Lightning skills of Mikoto Misaka (A Certain Scientific Railgun).
**No, she may not be a "Grey" Jedi.
***And no, I may not use Force Lightning to turn scrap metal into railgun shots to shoot down spaceships.

[GPuzzle]

*I may not, under any circumstances, make a teenage Force user with the personality of Ryuuko Matoi (Kill la Kill), the speed and agility of Ruby and Blake (RWBY) and the Force Lightning skills of Mikoto Misaka (A Certain Scientific Railgun).

**That is not how Template Stacking works!

[Reathin]

* I am not permitted to do anything that begins with the word "BEHOLD!"

[lytokk]

* I am not permitted to do anything that begins with the word "BEHOLD!"

** May not start a session with an NPC walking into the room screaming "Good news everyone..."

[DigoDragon]

* No longer allowed to make called shots with landmines.

[Vknight]

** May not start a session with an NPC walking into the room screaming "Good news everyone..."

***Good News everyone!
****Nor can I start a session as a PC and say those lines
*****Goods news which is actually bad news which is actually just a joke is no longer allowed

[Anonymouswizard]

** May not start a session with an NPC walking into the room screaming "Good news everyone..."

*** My mad scientist PC may not do so either.

[Reltzik]

* Henceforth, any planar binding spells I cast will require me, the player, to explicitly write out the contract I am offering to the Outsider, and allow the DM considerable time to mull it over for loopholes.
** Enslaved angels are angry-sad-panda-face. (It's for a good cause! Honest!)

[Mastikator]

* I am not allowed to play a dragon transformed into a human bent on world domination.

* I am also not allowed to play a werewolf that will transform uncontrollably in every combat situation.

[Anonymouswizard]

These are just theoretical, but I want to try the second set out.

* If our plan starts out as "Step 1: conquer world" we should come up with something less evil.
** The same applies to "Step 1: take Manhattan. Step 2: take Berlin."
*** "Step 1: build moonbase. Step 2: put giant laser on moon" is also banned.

* We cannot build our own prison to house supervillains.
** Extorting the government by threatening to release them is not exactly hero material.

[Sartharina]

Things that happened about a year ago that I was reminded of after I went to another store.
*When playing "We're ourselves, transported to a fantasy world" D&D 3.5 game, I may not stat myself up as a 27-PB-equivalent Level 1 Barbarian when everyone else is 15-PB commoner or expert.
** May not then demonstrate my STR and DEX by flipping a nearby table, and effortlessly perching/balancing on the upturned legs in one deft movement.
** May not demonstrate my STR by taking the hottest guy there for a high-speed piggyback ride, nor picking up the heaviest guy in his chair and waddling around with him.
** May not demonstrate my CON and HP by taking off my shirt and showing my scars (Notably - A few knife wounds on my chest, stomache, and back, and a bullet wound in my left breast), most gained during a fight two years ago (Where I also demonstrated what a Barbarian Rage looks like IRL).
*** May no longer game at that particular FLGS. No, pulling a $100 bill out of my underwear left over from the previous night to try to smooth over damages isn't enough to let me back.

[Ksheep]

* When playing a Mass Effect game, I may not give Kaidan penicillin

I'll show myself out now…

[Taet]

*When the DM gives me a flaw about being cursed by demons and dark magic, I should not give his doomed pet character of despair a joyful personality. I should play along.

[lytokk]

* When playing a Mass Effect game, I may not give Kaidan penicillin

I'll show myself out now…

did kaiden have an allergy or something? I just don't remember penicillin ever coming up. Of course I always saved ashley.

Sartharina, I think it just needs to be stated you're equal parts intriguing and terrifying based on stories you've told.

[Illven]

did kaiden have an allergy or something? I just don't remember penicillin ever coming up. Of course I always saved ashley.

It's an ANTI-biotic. Get it.

[lytokk]

It's an ANTI-biotic. Get it.

...I really hate the fact I walked into this one...

[Braininthejar2]

Things that happened about a year ago that I was reminded of after I went to another store.
*When playing "We're ourselves, transported to a fantasy world" D&D 3.5 game, I may not stat myself up as a 27-PB-equivalent Level 1 Barbarian when everyone else is 15-PB commoner or expert.
** May not then demonstrate my STR and DEX by flipping a nearby table, and effortlessly perching/balancing on the upturned legs in one deft movement.
** May not demonstrate my STR by taking the hottest guy there for a high-speed piggyback ride, nor picking up the heaviest guy in his chair and waddling around with him.
** May not demonstrate my CON and HP by taking off my shirt and showing my scars (Notably - A few knife wounds on my chest, stomache, and back, and a bullet wound in my left breast), most gained during a fight two years ago (Where I also demonstrated what a Barbarian Rage looks like IRL).
*** May no longer game at that particular FLGS. No, pulling a $100 bill out of my underwear left over from the previous night to try to smooth over damages isn't enough to let me back.

I'm not sure if I want to hear the whole story behind this, but I would certainly allow barbarian

[toapat]

*** "Step 1: build moonbase. Step 2: put giant laser on moon" is also banned.

****if the plan is changed to Step 1: build Mooncastle Step 2: solve all problems of science Step 3: Build Moonlaser It is still banned
*****even if my character is over 500 Years old, a Vampire, and named Vladimir

[vasharanpaladin]

*He-Who-Was was not originally named Marduk, nor did he bear the sobriquet "Mountain and the King Astride It."
**This is doubly true if any of the players are familiar with Exalted.
***If I somehow manage to pass this without comment, I'm not to be surprised when the Gurren-Lagann-esque speeches are used for snark bait.
****If at any point the party discovers that the entire purpose of creating a cult to resurrect He-Who-Was is to make the (lawful good) paladin player protect Asmodeus instead of killing him, not to complain when they decide to go full murderhobo instead.