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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Ditto's Avatar

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    Dec 2005

    Default Goofy flavor item

    Our DM has allowed each of us a minor 'ancestral relic' which has come into our possession through one way or another - so long as it's completely ridiculous. The two at present are the dwarven barbarian's perpetually full mug, and the mousefolk rogue's stupid hat. The mug has an endless supply of human-strength ale and is a constant source of disappointment. If you take the hat off an punch it, two pigeons pop out, screaming obscenities. (I really don't know where he was going with that one...)

    At present, my item is a glove that spouts a stream of confetti and plays 'The Final Countdown' on command. (Reference to an old campaign... you know you want one too.) As wonderful as that is, I'm trying to think up a fun item of some use - for when we're trying to talk drunken magistrates down from jumping, or winning a chicken-fight duel with the town champion, or something equally silly yet situationally potent.

    My char is an NG elf Cleric of Pelor (or something close enough), possibly going paladin a bit. He is reluctantly accompanying this party who insists on getting into trouble (more being-stupid than mischief-making, but it's all the same when kobolds are shooting the other guy, right?). Something off-character - like the glove - might be fun, but I could also see something that shouts TOLD YOU SO! uncontrollably after a dumb move. Ideas?
    Quote Originally Posted by zyphyr View Post
    They don't actually love Gold, they only say that to get it into bed.
    John Dies At The End
    Sauron vs. Voldemort

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Troll in the Playground
     
    HalflingRogueGuy

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Well, he's a cleric of Pelor, who is a God of the sun. Clearly, what you need is an item that makes your head shine like the sun on command.

    JaronK

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    May 2006

    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Well.. one item my Cleric/Radiant servant of Pelor had was a gray ioun stone that she painted a mottled yellow-red and had continual light cast on. So, on her will, she had a little sun floating about her head. Did absolutely nothing but cast light and look cool.

    Course, she also had one weapon, and that was her holy symbol and spellbook. Rules-wise, it was an adamantine shield with spikes, but I had it all set up to have her prayers written on parchments in a little opening on the back, and Pelor's symbol amidst the spikes. Her name? Sega. Sega Genesis. <3 crazies

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    daggaz's Avatar

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    yuk Re: Goofy flavor item

    I love these never ending mugs of beer... My question, was, is, and always shall be: What happens when you tip it over and leave it lying there on its side??
    Last edited by daggaz; 2007-03-12 at 08:28 AM.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Beholder

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Gah. Must... resist... Arrested Development reference. Sword of Destiny.....
    "I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk. Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor. She rolled her deep blue eyes towards me. I picked them up and rolled them back. We kissed. She screamed. I took the cigarette from my mouth and kissed her again."

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Once I came up with the Chalice of Transmutation. It's a bejewelled chalice. Pour any type of magical potion in it (or, I guess, even non-magical liquids), and it will be transformed into a different liquid which has a diferent colour and taste, but the exact same effect as before.
    "I had thought - I had been told - that a 'funny' thing is a thing of goodness. It isn't. Not ever is it funny to the person it happens to. Like that sheriff without his pants. The goodness is in the laughing. I grok it is a bravery... and a sharing... against pain and sorrow and defeat."

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Orc in the Playground
     
    headwarpage's Avatar

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Figurine of wondrous power: granite platypus. Because the platypus is just funny. Alternate animals include the lead marmoset, sandstone aardvark, or whatever seems funny to you. When used, the figurine turns into an ordinary-sized animal, which is unusually intelligent and can communicate with you telepathically and makes sarcastic comments about whatever mess the party's in now. At best, it's a cross between a familar, a bag of tricks, and an annoying cartoon animal sidekick.
    Your ad here! Call 1-800-SELLOUT.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Jan 2007

    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    A character in a campaign I played in a couple years back had a gold tooth that would shine and shoot out magic missles whenever he smiled

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    ExHunterEmerald's Avatar

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    I once got a gray bag of tricks that produced a hamster. And -only- a hamster.
    Terrence Randall and the Kinslayer by NEO|Phyte
    Dencamp Bertrande takes a bow.
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    Terrence Randall by The Stoney One

    Rennac Belnades by Lord Iames.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    The everful mug reminds me of the Anymug, from Goblinscomic.com. Basically, it's a mug that produces whatever liquid you think of. It can't be something of great value or power (no acids or mercury or healing potions etc) but you have an unending supply of fine ale or clean water.

    The warrior who has this explained to him says, "So, if I were to think of, say, ogre piss...?"

    He promptly poured the ogre piss in the mug on the party dwarf. I can see another joke coming in the future...I imagine the fighter drinking ale or water from the mug, and the dwarf coming up behind him and saying "Don't think of ogre piss."
    You may think of me as:
    Struggling amateur author #3284728

    Book one is on the Kindle now. It's a mix of hard science fiction and fantasy. How's that work? Surprisingly well.

    I share the ebook version of it freely. Link to download it is at the top of that page.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Quote Originally Posted by headwarpage View Post
    Alternate animals include the lead marmoset, sandstone aardvark, or whatever seems funny to you.
    Ahem. Don't you mean, rock candy marmoset? They'll enslave the wooooorrrllld!

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Orc in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    My first magic-item-not-required-for-survival is a glove of Prestidigitation. Either use-activated or command word an ungodly number of times per day. I use it to wash up, do my hair, clean my gear, enamel/warpaint my stuff as the mood suits me, and generally make roughing it a lot less rough. Good for my standard mildly-flamboyant city-slicker rogue.

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Loincloth of Ungodly Stench!!

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Neek's Avatar

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Here's some ideas I had:

    Hmm...

    Bag of Mosquitos, Gnats, and Horse-flies
    This little, brown sack, when opened, unleashes a swarm of annoying insects that attacks whoever was possessing the bag for greater than 24 hours, or the person who who just opened the bag if no one possessed the bag for greater than 24 hours. The insects do not cause any damage, but the person being attacked by the insects suffers a -1 to attack, AC, saving throws, and skill checks. If you attempt to cast a spell, Concentration check (DC 10) is required. The cloud dissapates after 6 hours. This can only be done 1/day.

    The Banana Walkie-Talkies
    There exists two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky, lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn't matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a *click* and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or "hang up," the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (1% chance/week), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

    Frames of Disguise
    These appear to be a pair of thick, black glasses without the lenses. When wearing it, and brushing your hair slightly forward, people will pretend to not notice you as yourself, but as someone else.

    Ring of Landmine Finding
    While wearing this ring, you are made aware of the location of dog poo in a 60' radius.

    Navi
    This appears to be a tiny fairy, about the size of a dragonfly, in a bottle. It sheds light like a torch, and when released from the bottle, will follow you around. However, at the most inopportune moments, it will point to an obvious thing and shout "HEY! LISTEN!" Any attempt at move silent fails, and you receive a -4 to Hide and Sleight of Hand checks.

    Spoon of Eating
    With this spoon, you are able to collect all the soup from the bottom of your bowl. This does not effect bread-bowls, however.

    Spoon of Bending
    By chanting "Rubber spoon," this metal spoon bends at will.

    Sweet Smelling Carnation
    When worn or attached to your clothing, this carnation releases a powerful smell into the air. To you, the wearer, it smells like a rose on a dewy morning. To everyone else, it smells like crushed ants.

    Ten Foot Pole of Not-Touching
    You cannot touch anything with this pole that you'd normally not want to touch with a ten-foot pole. This is considered to be a supernatural ability. Any attempt to touch an object you'd normally not want to touch causes the pole to strike you for 1d6 damage, Reflex save for half.

    The Two-sided One-Sided Coin
    This coin, when demonstrated to someone, has two identical sides (as in, both sides heads, or both sides tails). However, when flipped, it will always land on the opposite side--so if the coin is heads, it'll always land on tails.
    Last edited by Neek; 2007-03-12 at 11:56 PM. Reason: Players mess up.
    ó Nicolaos of Aepternacos


  15. - Top - End - #15
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Quote Originally Posted by Neek View Post
    Navi
    This appears to be a tiny fairy, about the size of a dragonfly, in a bottle. It sheds light like a torch, and when released from the bottle, will follow you around. However, at the most innoportune moments, it will point to an obvious thing and shout "HEY LOOK!" Any attempt at move silent fails, and you receive a -4 to Hide and Sleight of Hand checks.
    While the others are made of win, this is made of fail. Navi should say "HEY! LISTEN!"

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Flatulent Chili

    This chili is actually a small necklace in the shape of a chili. When worn, the character will feel a slight, but constant adrenaline rush that courses through the wearer's body.

    It gives the character a +1 circumstantial bonus to their initiative checks and to hit, but -2 to all WIS and INT skill checks. The serious side effect of this item is that the character becomes considerably more flatulent and suffers a -4 penalty to all CHA based skilled checks.

    Biting down on this chili will send the character into a red-chili-pepper frenzy that is equivalent to being in a Barbarian's rage for 1d4 rounds, with all normal rules of raging applied. At the end of the rage duration, the character will let out one single display of flatulance that forces all creatures within a 10 foot radius to make a fort save DC 12 or be dazed for one round from the intensely unpleasant smell.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    SamuraiGuy

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    Dec 2006

    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    The nagging statue.

    This is a small anthropomorphic statue that follows you around, floating in mid-air.

    Whenever anyone in the vicinity makes a serious failure on a skill check/attack roll, the statue turns into a a likeness of their mother and berates them for their lack of education and effort, causing a -2 morale penalty on their next roll.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Beholder

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Well, to toot my own horn a bit...

    http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=36162

    Works nicely with the strength aspect of Pelor.
    "I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk. Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor. She rolled her deep blue eyes towards me. I picked them up and rolled them back. We kissed. She screamed. I took the cigarette from my mouth and kissed her again."

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    crazedloon's Avatar

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    Jan 2007

    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    I'm thinking a magnifying glass which can melt anything as a normal magnifying glass would if used by a kid to pop ants (you know what I am talking about) however it can do so on command however you never know which side it will come out (i.e. it may hit you so donít look at it with your eye )
    Check out my horrible homebrews

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    SamuraiGuy

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    Dec 2006

    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    The mischievous mollusc of manly manipulation.

    A small clam, that gives you the power to cause males in the area to suffer a sudden sharp increase in testosterone. It makes them easier to seduce, more likely to fight, and easier to distract with half-naked ladies.

    Unfortunately, it does the same to any men on your side.

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Finland

    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    A magic augury ball. You can ask it a question, and shake it, and then it will tell you something that you already know.

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    SamuraiGuy

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    Dec 2006

    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    The Everlasting espresso from the plane of caffeine.

    It's a tiny cup with a little lid. It originally came with a matching saucer, but that was lost DECADES ago...

    When you drink from the cup it causes an automatic DC20 fort save. If you fail the save it gives you 5 rounds of the speed bonus and added attack of Haste, but without the dodge and attack roll bonuses due to your caffeine shakes. After these five rounds, you suffer a come down and lose 1 wisdom and one charisma for 30 minutes unless you re-imbibe more espresso as a standard action.

    If you use it too often, you start each day suffering from the effects of fatigue until you've had some of the espresso.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Cigar of Herbal Mental Relaxation

    Hey, that's not a cigar!!... and it's not mine....

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dairun Cates's Avatar

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Well, may not be appropriate for you, but my favorite flavor magical item is the Cape of Prestidigitation. It's a cape that billows when there's no wind and produces awesome light effects around and behind you when making a heroic speech.

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Lord Tataraus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    May I present to you: The Bag of Tribbles!!
    Yes, I said tribbles, of course when I created it to give to the party's Kender rogue (as a reward for good rp) it was just a random bag of furry purring things with a neat ability. 10/day, when you put your hand in the bag, you grab a small, coin-sized ball of fur. When you extract it, the ball of fur grows until it is a 6" hemispherical thing of red-brown fur which immediately vibrates and purrs. If it is thrown (10ft range increment) or otherwise set down on a flat surface, the vibrating will cause the tribble to move 5' a round in a random direction and it may move into occupied squares or difficult terrain that costs no more than 2 movement. After existing for 1 round there is a 50% chance that it will explode, the next round that becomes a 55% chance, then 60% etc. Upon exploding, all creatures in a 5' radius are stunned for 1 round (Fort save DC 15 negates) while all those in a 30' radius are dazed for 1 round (same save). The resulting explosion is extremely loud. The listen check is a -30 to hear it and it causes vibrations in the air and ground up to 240'. As an additional quirk, any non-living matter placed in the bag comes out covered in red-brown fur for 2d6 rounds.

    Needless to say, the Kender and the rest of the party loved it, but unfortunately did not have the insight to use it in battle, I hope some day it will be used in many worlds to the confusion of monsters everywhere.

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Tengu's Avatar

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    What about...

    The matchbox of accentuating noises
    You can keep your matches, tindersticks, or whatever the equivalent in your game world is, inside, but that's not the main function of this item. Whenever a situation worth mentioning happens around you, this box will play a short tune which matches the according situation - a victory fanfare (probably stolen from some videogame) after a won battle, "ba da bum psh" when you make a joke or a witty comment, a distressing tune when you find the body of a mysteriously murdered man, and so on. You cannot turn it off.

    Hmm, this one would suit a bard more actually...

    Birdman of the Church of Link's Hat

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    SamuraiGuy

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    Dec 2006

    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Especially for chaste monks, a tool of the monastery:

    The shoes of sterilisation.

    Kicking someone in the crotch while wearing these shoes renders them infertile and unarousable for D10 days. It also hurts.

    "That'll teach those youngsters to look at girls." - unknown Abbot

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    I know this is the wrong thread and section but... tengu, I would like to take a moment to tell you that your avatar is awesome.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    random item of overexageration

    this random item is inteligent, and likes to play. it trys to find anyone who it likes that discards it, but is easily distracted by other people it has fun with. whenever someone is in a dramatic moment, anything placing them at the center of attention, the random item activates. when a person raises their voice, it nudges them to yell even louder, when they swing thier arm in gesture, it pushes them to move faster, and put that arm out all the way, regardless of anyone who may be hit. if stored close to a small non-weapon item of non-magical masterwork quality the item may move its enchantment to the other item, thus being able to hide after a new owner gets rid of the only new item, the "only possible source" of the trouble. a concentration check DC15 keeps the overexagerations in check, but then you seem to be physicaly stiff, and verbally monotone.

    come to think of it, im going to give this to one of my players.
    Quote Originally Posted by SurlySeraph View Post
    You are my favorite kind of villain.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Neek's Avatar

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    Default Re: Goofy flavor item

    Quote Originally Posted by Voleta View Post
    While the others are made of win, this is made of fail. Navi should say "HEY! LISTEN!"
    Fixed. It's been too long since I last the played the game.
    ó Nicolaos of Aepternacos


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