Funniest. Encounters. Ever.

[Argent]

In our gaming session last night, our group was invading a Thayan keep that had been overrun by the undead. After navigating a few trap-laden rooms, we found an important-looking doorway. Unfortunately, turns out said doorway was guarded by two caryatid columns that turned our guard escord into sashimi and then came after the rest of us.

My rogue, figuring our meatshields could use the assistance, pulled out his tan Bag of Tricks and tossed a furball behind one of the attacking caryatids. Furball ended up becoming a rhinoceros -- which would have been great, aside from the fight being on a five-foot-wide ledge right next to an open spiked pit. DM ruled the rhino would need a Balance check to stay on its feet... check failed, and the rhino went immediately into the pit. Oh, yeah, and then falling on top of a ghast that had been lurking at the bottom.

The mental image of a rhino appearing out of nowhere and immediately falling into the pit like Wile E. Coyote (and splatting the hapless ghast at the bottom) was the darn funniest thing I'd seen in a long time, and we spent about five minutes laughing before the rest of the combat could take place.

So what's happened in your campaigns lately that made you laugh so hard you couldn't breathe?

[Toliudar]

We have a gnome druid character who's a real tree-hugger type. Very much into talking to the animals, walking with the animals. Not so good with the combat.

At about level 4, she's not a melee machine by any stretch of the imagination. We've just kicked the butts of a bunch of goblins fortified in a tower, and are exploring some of the interior rooms. One of the rooms is reported to have the sound of small animals, possibly rodents, on the other side. These are actually a bunch of rats and weasels that the goblins have starved, tormented and taunted into a state of rabid fury.

So, when the rogue reports the animal sounds, the druid lines up to open the door. Sees a bunch of small furry shapes huddled across the room. Steps in. The player even made the little kissy sounds that people seem to make to draw pets' attention.

The animals attacked en masse, and essentially swarmed her. As she started screaming "Get them off! Get them the **** off!" and two of the other characters (and players) tried to attack the tiny furballs of terror without hitting the druid, the other players - and, they decided, their characters - were literally rolling on the floor, unable to participate.

This fight did way more damage than the entire goblin unit, that had been dealt with with precision and smart tactics. The same player is still playing the druid, but has lost her open love of small animals.

[Deus Mortus]

Every now and again, our DM thinks up an encounter way to hard and I as the party wizard have to PaO the encounter and I always make them squirrels.

Now two sessions ago we were all trapped in an alternate dimension where everyone faced the most powerfull foes they hadn't killed yet. This was a sort of test thingy, lots of backstory, now he forgot that I always let my squirrels go, I think it's sad enough that they were polymorphed into squirrels. So I enter the dimension and 20 powerfull spellcasters from the arcane university my char demolished face me, so I turn to the dm and say "Aren't those squirrels higher CR?" he flushes and says yes, so there I am, 20 angry squirrels looking at me. I fly up and let the carnage begin, this is also the reason why I'm chaotic evil now. I used to be chaotic neutral, but my DM ruled that since I was laughing like crazy and didn't tell it was OOC my char was laughing and was evil.

Now whenever I polymorph something into a squirrels, I use major image to show them what I have done to those other squirrels and tell them that's why they shouldn't come after me...

[Galathir]

Our group has had several humorous encounters, but I'll share one that happened only this last Tuesday. The encounter in it self wasn't that funny, but the context was.

The leader of the capital on a large island asked our party (lords and smaller rulers of the island) to find and defeat a horrible hill giant and his followers. He was obviously expecting this to take several days at the very least. Instead our wizard casts scry, finds the giant, and then teleports us right to his camp. Our entire party gets a surprise round and we soundly defeat about 25 of the level 7 goblin rogues defending the giant. We kill the giant in another one and a half round (Overwhelm from me, then a flurry of blows and coup-de-grace from the ranger). Then about two rounds to gather the treasure and then teleported back to the leaders throne room. Total time elapsed: about 30 seconds.

Cost of a scry scroll: 700 gp
Cost of a silver mirror: 1000 gp
Look on the leaders face when we brought him the news: Priceless.

[ExHunterEmerald]

Our cleric picking up a burning halfling and throwing him at a troll.
The damage roll was enough so that it shatters.
We invented the Molotov Halfling.

[Vodun]

Our cleric picking up a burning halfling and throwing him at a troll.
The damage roll was enough so that it shatters.
We invented the Molotov Halfling.

Wasnt this the same party that actually burned down the entire building they were in? The same party where the paladin decided to use a burning troll's arm as a weapon instead of his own gear?

[kellandros]

Wasnt this the same party that actually burned down the entire building they were in?

Can you be any less specific? I mean, hasn't that happened to everyone sooner or later, or sooner and later?

[Vodun]

Can you be any less specific? I mean, hasn't that happened to everyone sooner or later, or sooner and later?

Well I remember this story from an earlier thread that consisted of a party trying to rescue the paladin, where they found that a halfling was teaching a troll to read. When the party heard troll, everyone went insane and started lighting everything they had aflame. EVERYTHING.

but of course I got that all wrong, but the point is that I remember alot of fire.

[tarbrush]

Can you be any less specific? I mean, hasn't that happened to everyone sooner or later, or sooner and later?

You forget that in D&D fire isn't strong enough to damage buildings :)

[Muurgh]

Well this is more of a bad luck story, but we all found humor in it. My character, who previouisly had crit hit himself for triple damage earlier in the game was up against a dragon. being the only one in melee at the moment, it was a dwarf who loved to fight if he stopped he could make great strategy but normally didnt want to wait, so anyways doul wielding to axes, i crit fumble and loose one, no problem i have multiple specialization and one happens to be in hand to hand, i do a minimum of 12 points of damage in hand to hand i have a reasonably high thaco, only had to roll an 8 or 9 or better to hit the dragon i think, but no, next round, I crit fumble again, break my hand. Now the chances of this happenig with my numbers were slim, but when punching a dragon thats a very good possibility. Moving on. broken arm, put in a splint because we had no magic healing. Four weeks for it to heal. First fight after its better, this soldier crit hits me and severs the arm that just got better. After I kill him with me good arm we rush me to the next town, where I got VERY VERy lucky. DM gave me a 15% chance of someone being in this town that could re attach my arm, i rolled a 15. so he puts my arm back on, messes it up, so everything is at a minus 2 with that arm. eventually we found a high enough level healer that could fix me but even then we had to re sever the arm before re attaching it. That was a long hard road for that dwarf, whos name was actually Muurgh.

[ExHunterEmerald]

Wasnt this the same party that actually burned down the entire building they were in? The same party where the paladin decided to use a burning troll's arm as a weapon instead of his own gear?

That's the one. We weren't so much "fire crazy" as "trying to kill that damn troll."

[Ravyn]

It was supposed to be a simple troubleshooting mission. Find Anathema, destroy Anathema, report. But several fanatical cultists, a bunch of burning buildings, and far too much time without sleep later, we were starting to think there was something more going on.

And then we got to his headquarters, and things got ridiculous. It was an old mine. Still in use, at that. And we're sneaking through, hear someone coming, try to hide--and our poor Fire Aspect botches his stealth, falls into a mine cart, and goes bumping down the tunnel.

On the plus side, he found our targets. The catch was that finding him was a bit tricky. But soon enough, we meet the enemy...

...and he is a numbskull.

Imagine a man with two magitech guns and a grudge against one of the PCs, backed up by a confused guy with a staff. Now imagine that he has a very short temper and can't stand not to be taken seriously--and half the PCs live by their sharp tongues. That was Seven Steel Viper, or, as I renamed him after throwing him into an incoherent rage by getting his name wrong ten times in the span of a minute, Half Dozen Pincushion.

So his companion calls for the guards--and the person nearest the door is my character, who isn't much of a fighter but IS a high-quality manipulator. So as the guards come pounding up to the closed door, I sing out, "His Radiance is being entertained right now; I'm sure it would be terribly embarrassing for you to come in!" And giggle. It just gets raunchier from there--because my idea of bluffing the confused mortals is basically turning EVERYTHING that happens and everything he says trying to convince them I'm lying into innuendo from then on. (The mortals' responses to this are pretty priceless too.) The fact that he used guns and his companion had a staff that was "harder than normal wood" made it far too easy. My teammates were in stitches.

...which ends, as Pincushion flees swearing revenge, with the delicate little talker who started this all shouting after him, "And to think, all of this could've been avoided if someone had remembered his safeword!"

[The Great Skenardo]

Borrowing a leaf from the Wizards site, I had my players encounter the Dread Calzone Golem!
While investigating the home of a purportedly-puissant pastry purveyor wizard, the group wandered into the basement, where it turned out that the baker had just finished the final touches on a golem made of buttery crispy crust, and molten tomatoes and cheese. The encounter was amazing.
The ranger stepped in to attack the golem, and was sprayed with sclading hot grease and tomato sauce for his trouble. The pyro rogue found a drum of cooking oil and overturned it, thinking to burn the golem up. However, the heat just caused the golem to get harder and crispier, increasing its natural armor!
Finally, the ranger managed to lop off one of the golem's arms. In the next round, however, the golem reached into its own arm socket and retrieved a gob of steaming-hot molten cheese and flung it at the ranger, scalding him further and entangling him.
They eventually beat it, but the wizard explained apologetically later that "it was probably the mushrooms that made it go berserk like that."
He made them lemonade and cupcakes to make up for it.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

One of the PC's in my campaign is a Shadow Creature. He missed the session before last, so I DEM'd him away by saying he entered a random portal. When he came back last session, I explained that he was called back to the Shadow Realm to recharge his energies (and now no one will ask any questions about glaring plot holes). So, he got a solo adventure in trying to find his way out again. He met with a shadow giant right by the portal to the real world who refused him access unless the player beat him in a duel. So, the player accepts and attacks him.

Then the giant backs up, surprised, and starts yelling at him. Another shadow creature pops in and grabs his sword, saying-
Shadow: "What are you doing?!"
PC: "Dueling. He said I had to duel him."
Shadow: "Right, I get that. But why did you hit him with your sword?"
PC: "But... we were dueling...?"
Shadow: "No, that's not how we do things here. You need to duel him with shadow magic."
PC: "I don't know any."
Shadow: "That's what this box is for. Now go over there and wait your turn."

So the PC got a weird, small box. He walked a few meters away and opened the small box to find... cards. With weird pictures on them.

Player, OOC: My god. This is Yu-Gi-Oh, isn't it?
Me: You're in the Shadow Realm. I just really couldn't resist.

I ad-libbed the card game they played, making specific mentionings that none of the cards had any text on them whatsoever- they just had funny pictures, and the player had to figure their context out by guessing. He nearly lost, but then decided he'd had enough of this nonsense, ran over to the other side of the game, and just killed the giant with his greatsword.

The other players were rolling.

[OzymandiasVolt]

If only the show were like that.

[Deus Mortus]

Yeah I watched the show a couple of times and I kept thinking, "Why doesn't anyone have a gun?"

[Golthur]

This is back in old AD&D:

Our group - wandering through some dungeon (I don't remember which), stumbles onto a barracks with some sleeping guards.

Thief <whispering>: "We could kill them in their sleep."

Fighter: "That wouldn't be very honourable".

Fighter starts beating his shield.
Fighter: "Wake up! Wake up! We're going to fight you now!"

Guards get up, start to grab weapons, put on armour - get it about halfway on, leggings half pulled up, etc.

Fighter: "Wait - there's more of them than I thought. They might win. ATTACK!"

[Jade_Tarem]

This combonation of actions, taken in one round, made this fight.

Our party was fighting your average hezrou.

Our rogue had slick armor.
Our rogue had an insane pickpocket skill.
Our rogue had an equally high tumble skill.
Our rogue had an immovable rod.
Our rogue had a dirty mind.
Hezrous have no clothing.

We named the maneuver "David's Persistant Suppository."

[Viscount Einstrauss]

I'm never sure if I love or hate that show. I certainly watch it enough. Something about how completely preposterous and laughable the entire show is holds my attention. Like watching a train wreck where the passengers are all clowns and they're actually crashing into a gigantic cream pie. That's on fire.

[Serenity]

For that matter, why doesn't anyone know the function of any card not in their deck?

[Woot Spitum]

I once played a game where our party barbarian killed an ooze by throwing bodies at it (which due to their weight, deal fairly impressive damage). Now mind you, he was taking massive negatives. But this was an ooze. With an AC around four, this actually became a viable tactic.

In another game, a friend of mine actually posessed a demon.

[Fax Celestis]

Animate mind-controlling garbage. Need I say more?

[Vodun]

Citing one of my own, even though I haven't been playing for very long, was a very, very odd Stone Giant who was using an elder black pudding for storage of metal objects. he was able to retrieve his stuff because the ooze was kept in a pit, with a giant colander at the bottom, so when he lifts the colander, the ooze seeps out, leaving his stuff in the bowl. He had named the pudding "squishy". Our party, all rogues of the seven core races (dont ask), was supposed to retrieve a steel barrel from the giants lair, which was coincidentaly inside the pudding. Because the giant was out, doing gianty things I suppose, we just decided fire was the way to go. So after throwing many a flaming object, some oil, and even a flask of alchemists fire, Squishy was turned into a pit bon-fire. unfortunately burning ooze smells so godawful that you can whiff the stuff for miles. Therefore, the giant came back, saw what happened to his poor sweet squishy, and promptly annihalated us.

[Muurgh]

Another misadventure of Muurgh, after the crit hit to himself but before the terribly luck with the arm we came on a small outpost, the enemy was sleeping, so once all was said and done everyone we were fighting was only wearing what they wore to bed, mainly pants or less. Well i had just specialiazed in hand to hand, these guys werent wearing armor, again doing minimum 12 damage per hit i figured no big deal. untill the two guys i were fighting crited me 2 or 3 times in a row, actually knocked me unconcious. very emberrassing for a fully armored dwarf.

[Tengu]

Interesting stuff

What game was that, may I know? Exalted?

This combonation of actions, taken in one round, made this fight.

Our party was fighting your average hezrou.

Our rogue had slick armor.
Our rogue had an insane pickpocket skill.
Our rogue had an equally high tumble skill.
Our rogue had an immovable rod.
Our rogue had a dirty mind.
Hezrous have no clothing.

We named the maneuver "David's Persistant Suppository."

Now that Hezrou can become a paladin - he meets one of the prerequesites!

[Jade_Tarem]

Now that Hezrou can become a paladin - he meets one of the prerequesites!

Well, yeah, but the whole LG thing might be difficult for a demon to pull off. That and the fact that he's dead now means that his latest and final line of career was "immobile violated target."

[Deus Mortus]

Remembered another, me (wizard) and another wizard had a game going on, we had made two paddles with an antimagic shell around the hitting part of it, then we created a magic item that when thrown did 300d6 damage in a one mile radius, so when you hit it with the peddle nothing happened with the anti magic shell, but if it hit the ground, you were a goner, we placed magical blastwalls around the playing field so only the guy who missed got hit. Now we played this with all kind of buffs on, so we never were in any real danger, though it would hurt a lot.

Now we had just returned of a mission and middle of the city, we started playing nukeball, we summoned our playing field and soon enough a lot of people were watching. At this point the other wizard crits a few checks of the game and did what we thought was impossible, shoot it out of the court. It hit the plaza of light (all the orphanages and hospitals were in there), so imagine two wizards watching the ball flying away, muttering curses and seeing it hit in the worst place in the whole wide world. Soon after the pantheon of good gods smited the other wizard, but thankfully I got away, since I didn't do anything. The other wizard actually put up a good fight, but you can't fight 12 gods with the alter reality ability, I believe he's still burning in a pit of hell specially made for him.

Now when anyone suggests to do anything ridiculous and dangerous just because we can, someone will say "nukeball" and the other will drop the suggestion right away. Murphy really got us on that one.

[Tengu]

Well, yeah, but the whole LG thing might be difficult for a demon to pull off. That and the fact that he's dead now means that his latest and final line of career was "immobile violated target."

Details! Just bring him back to life in one way or another, and put a Helmet of Reverse Alignment on him.

Okay, it'd probably not be worth the hassle, but he'd be a perfect watchman - never able to actually leave his post.

[ExHunterEmerald]

Two words.
The Fabulich.

[HeinleinFan]

There was a recent mission where our character encounters ourselves-as-we-might-have-been. So my LG elven rogue meets up with her NE assassin counterpart. I realize what this is early on - it's pretty obvious, for some of my companions - and start talking smack to my assassin self. My character has a longstanding disdain for lawful people, so it was very in character so say some quite cruel things to her. Meanwhile, she's just smiling at me and not saying anything as I finger my poisons-of-doom and contemplate my touch AC of 28.

She shoots me. A sudden move, taking me off guard ( to compensate for my level-inappropriate wealth), and she hits me. I fail the Fort save and die.

Yeah . . . I was kind of incredulous. Everyone else sort of paused for that critical second and burst out laughing. I mean, my character is the rogue of "Ooh! You missed! Oh, look! You missed again!" and hasn't been hit with anything deadly for a long time due to really good reflexes and a mind that isn't half bad. And she is pwned by one Death Attack.

When she popped back out of the mirror we were fighting in, she vowed to go back and kick that assassin's butt. We're just waiting for the chance . . . Ring of Feeblemind 1x/day, anyone?