Help me make the worst Adventure ever! (well, kind of)

[Kato]

A few words in advance: A few weeks ago one of our players has tried GMing for the first time and... it was quite a disaster. Worst of all (argueably) she was totally unable to let go of the plot as described by the book, no matter how poorly it fit with our actions which led to a ridiculous amount of railroading and forcing our characters to (not) all kind of things. At some point we dubbed it the "plot demon" who forces us to go against our free will and do "what the plot demands" of us.


So, I plan to make an adventure with a more literal plot demon, meaning a probably fey-like being who traps the party in an illusion (or dream) and makes them act out the most generic pen&paper adventure I can come up with, because... well, because it has a weird sense of humour. I'm not sure yet how subtle it will be, possibly forcefully and nonsensically adding items to make things harder/easier when it's "more fun" that way.

So far I considered "rescue a prince(ss) from an evil wizard" combined with "steal item from a (sleeping) dragon", along with some generic robbers. But I feel there's far more overused plot elements that belong to a terrible adventure.

[Eldan]

Orcs/kobolds/goblins attack the village?

It's important that everyone is convinced that even if the local noble has an army, the four adventurers -are the only solution to the problem. Even if no one has met them before. And they haven't done anything extraordinary. And don't actually know each other beforehand. Also, they only get the rewards after they do the quest, not before, even if that means they have to leave without equipment.

(This is especially stupid in some older video games. "You slew the dragon with only a rusty dagger! Thank you noble hero! As mayor, I will now give you the +3 sword of dragonslaying our village has kept safe for generations!"

[goto124]

I heard it's what Paranoia does. It's meant to be a comedy campaign, isn't it?

[IZ42]

A dragon orc is attacking a village to steal the princess. Oh jeez, that would be horrible. Have a bunch of Half-dragon orcs attacking a village, trying to take the princess.

[Kato]

I heard it's what Paranoia does. It's meant to be a comedy campaign, isn't it?

Yes, of course, though I'm not yet sure how long it is supposed to be. I guess as long as I have material/they are willing to put up with it.

A dragon orc is attacking a village to steal the princess. Oh jeez, that would be horrible. Have a bunch of Half-dragon orcs attacking a village, trying to take the princess.

Hm... on the one hand I like the idea of the princess being abducted with the party present, on the other that means they are doomed to fail which goes against the oldest "invincible hero" tropes. Then again, it would give the possibility for some jokes, I assume.

[EyethatBinds]

I suggest making the game playing the tropes all wrong instead of all rote.

Rescue the beautiful dragon from the slavering, evil princess, a mysterious wizard attempts to gather magical components to end world hunger, and the king plans to assassinate his well loved and earnestly helpful vizier.

[Milodiah]

Paranoia-style quick time events!

"The cavemen yell 'ooga-booga' and start running towards you! What do you do?"

"...what?"

"Ok, you stare dumbly at them! Player two, what do you do?"

[Picasso007]

Don't forget to have the party meet in a tavern and get approached by a mysterious old man!

[Milodiah]

Make sure every scene transition is accomplished by armed assailants either A) knocking the PCs unconscious and moving their bodies while they're out or B) sack-over-head kidnapping. Even if it's entirely mundane like the party wanting to go from the inn that they obviously will start in to the local blacksmith.

Also, whenever an attempt is made to split the party or cause intra-party tension, ensure that during the next kidnap/scene change the two instigators are handcuffed or otherwise bound together in a way that can only be undone through wacky subplots.

[Red Fel]

I love the idea of going with incredibly obvious and painful tropes. Like the villagers rewarding the heroes with the item that would have been terribly helpful after the heroes dispatch the baddy. Or the king with his armies sitting, twiddling their thumbs. (As mentioned above.) Or the spirited and strong-willed princess who suddenly becomes completely and uncharacteristically helpless when the villain touches the damsel spot by her elbow. And so forth. All the sorts of things that make any rational person roll their eyes and say "Are you all, in fact, insane? Are we saving crazy people? Is that what we're doing now?"

But here's what I'd do. As the game progresses, make these same tropes more alien. This is a flighty and alien being we're talking about, and perhaps some of its information on "classic epic adventures" is a little... Inaccurate. Or perhaps it gets bored, and decides to "elaborate" on the tropes, like a child would. ("Ooh! Another dragon! Only this one is riding a dragon! With lasers! And it has a pirate hand!")

For bonus points, have the PCs act out the same tropes multiple times, each time subverted slightly more than the last. For example, in the first kingdom, the king asks them to rescue the beautiful princess from the dragon. In the second kingdom, they rescue the muscular, angry-looking princess in training to be a knight. ("Does she even need a rescue? She could bench-press our horse!") In the third kingdom, it's the less-than-beautiful-but-no-less-distressed orcish princess. ("No, no kiss is necessary, thanks.") And in the fourth, a dragon hires the PCs to rescue her baby from an evil princess warlord. ("What is going on here? Why do we keep doing this?") Double points if the BBEG tries to fake them out by claiming to be a princess in need of rescuing. Triple word score if it's painfully obvious that he's not. (E.g. cheap disguise, last-minute gambit, etc.)

[IZ42]

This entire thread is beautiful. I can only hope you post a campaign log of all these happenings.

[Kato]

This entire thread is beautiful. I can only hope you post a campaign log of all these happenings.

Well, I think I'll ask my group first but I don't think they disagree so I'll see what I can do. But it'll be at least a few weeks until it's my turn to GM again.

A lot of cool ideas already, although I don't know if I can fit everything in, but I'll try my best! Of course, more is still welcome.

[Vhaidara]

Start like this:

You open your eyes. You look to the side, and see a potted plant. Then you realize that some jackass wizard just turned you and all of your party members into potted plants with eyes. Begin campaign.

[Honest Tiefling]

I would have that cutscene. You want awful adventure, you got it. Dragon comes to town, steals the princess.

The catch is, the princess IS the fey. So when she's there, stuff is wonky. The fighter forgets how to fight, literally, if that is what it takes to get the princess out. The mage's spells turn into completely different spells. The rogue is somehow a paladin. I wouldn't spend much time on it, but it could lead to an odd mystery of WTF just happened there, and how do we make sure it never happens again.

The villain MUST have a mustache or goatee. Even if you have to put it on the dang dragon. All viceroys, advisers and the like are unquestionably evil. The weather is cooperative with the tone. Sunny days for the light-hearted things, and every funeral is sad and rainy. Dark stormy nights are bad, bad, bad things. Men wander around clad in black studded armor with hoods over their face and yet don't walk into walls. Enchantresses have physically impossible outfits that somehow stay on without adhesive. People wander around in full-plate all of the time. They also have oddly prophetic names...'Goodman' is probably a guy you want to get to know. Inns are clogged with mysterious strangers and busty wenches. Even the men, lizardfolk, and little old ladies are somehow all busty.

EDIT: Oh, I nearly forgot. Nothing gets done without the PCs doing it, and everyone has an excuse why they can't possibly help.

[goto124]

Make sure the tropes are lampshaded and/or over-the-top. The dragon has a mustache? Have it fall off its snout all the time, with the dragon complaining about how he can't get his claws on real glue. The lady warrior with impossibly skimpy clothes? Make her bikini turn out to be completely normal armor that's been painted over. Guess what happens when someone tried to attack her in the cleavage.

Those suggesting the 'rescue the dragon from the princess' plots: Would you let your players... ahem... make Dragonborns?

[Alabenson]

I'd use and combine as many outdated tropes as possible, regardless of how much sense they make together.
"The princess has been kidnapped by an evil wizard, who dresses like Snidely Whiplash, complete with mustache. Also, the evil wizard is a dragon. His minions are currently building a railroad track to which he will tie the princess."

[Vhaidara]

I'd use and combine as many outdated tropes as possible, regardless of how much sense they make together.
"The princess has been kidnapped by an evil wizard, who dresses like Snidely Whiplash, complete with mustache. Also, the evil wizard is a dragon. His minions are currently building a railroad track to which he will tie the princess."

Don't forget that the railroad starts just outside of the tavern the party meets in, and they are struck by lightning from the gods if they leave the tracks.

[Honest Tiefling]

And the train is full of puppies, orphans and gunpowder.

[Almarck]

There's also the time honored "tradition" of having the fourth wall completely break down, where the players RP as themselves as the "gods" of their characters. That will immediately make the situation 100X zanier than conceivable. I know it'll probably leave a bad taste in someone's mouth, but no one will forget this moment.

Or instead, have the characters directly address the DM/Plot Demon.

[goto124]

And the train is full of puppies, orphans and gunpowder.

From another thread:

My paladin would have so many conflicting emotions, and so many questions that need answering, such as:

"What's up with the orphans anyway? I mean, wouldn't it be worse to kill children who's parents might miss them?"

And yes, have the explosive train run headlong into the 4th wall.

[Anxe]

There's a Nodwick comic that has this with some storybook tales. The Nodwick characters are trapped in some sort of dream state where each of them plays the roles of classic fairy tale characters. When they catch on to one story they're transported to another story. It's probably been uploaded to the Nodwick website at some point, but its a nightmare to search through there. If you manage to find it, I'm sure it'd give you some good ideas for an adventure like this.

[neonchameleon]

Quest dispensed, of course, by a ridiculously powerful wizard who teleports the PCs to a bar to brief them. And could solve the problem in about three seconds except for *mumble*. Bonus if his name is a variant either on Elminster or Gandalf.

[Vhaidara]

Quest dispensed, of course, by a ridiculously powerful wizard who teleports the PCs to a bar to brief them. And could solve the problem in about three seconds except for *mumble*. Bonus if his name is a variant either on Elminster or Gandalf.

Wait, you mean Elmindalf the Beige was a ripoff of someone else?

[Marlowe]

No. No. No. You've got it all wrong.

The Evil Wizard has been kidnapped by a Beautiful Princess, who is forcing him to wear bright-coloured clothing and drink tea while sticking out his pinky. You must rescue him before she breaks his spirit, turns him into her toyboy, and harnesses his arcane might to have the whole kingdom dressing in pink and frills.

On the way, you might also want to help out the Ogre tribe under attack by ecoterrorist Petals.

[Milodiah]

Don't forget the giant eagles that swoop in from nowhere to save their asses after they complete the Quest.

If they complain, call in Peter Jackson and the Ghost of Tolkien to beat them up.

[Marlowe]

I had one DM once who would play the Giant Eagles card (or similar devices) to randomly pick us up and dump us where he wanted us to be. Regardless of where we were trying to go or what we were trying to accomplish.

I won't mention my own "Bodyswap" incident.

[Honest Tiefling]

The Evil Wizard has been kidnapped by a Beautiful Princess, who is forcing him to wear bright-coloured clothing and drink tea while sticking out his pinky. You must rescue him before she breaks his spirit, turns him into her toyboy, and harnesses his arcane might to have the whole kingdom dressing in pink and frills.

Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but if you do this, the Evil Wizard is secretly a dragon. In face, everyone is secretly a dragon.

I won't mention my own "Bodyswap" incident.

No, no, I think it needs to be mentioned. We need bad adventures. I think a few rounds of Forced Reincarnation would certainly help make it awful.

[Vhaidara]

Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but if you do this, the Evil Wizard is secretly a dragon. In face, everyone is secretly a dragon.

Including the players.

Og man, imagine secretly telling each player "By the way, you're actually a dragon, but don't tell anyone else".

Also, the dragons are actually goblins.

[Honest Tiefling]

They're dragons, but they just don't know it!

[Bucky]

Don't forget that the railroad starts just outside of the tavern the party meets in, and they are struck by lightning from the gods if they leave the tracks.

Also, they need to destroy a train because it's sitting on the railroad tracks and they can't go around it.