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Thread: Sun-Themed Discipline (PEACH)
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Sun-Themed Discipline (PEACH)
Hi all! This is my first time submitting my ideas to a thread in this part of these forums, and it isn't even my idea, me and a friend cooked it up, with the majority of the work being theirs. They gave me permission to post it on these forums, and here I am!
Some context, we're about to do a campaign in which he is a Sun Elf martial adept, and he essentially went "I think Sun Elves are too proud to use any of the established Nine Disciplines, so I'm going to make my own!" Therefore, this is a sun-themed Discipline done by Sun Elves. It draws inspiration from various sources, including but not limited to Leona from League of Legends and Roxas from Kingdom Hearts.
Spoiler: Change Log
Formatting for technical and fluff for each ability.
Ancient Aubade: Increased from 1 to 3.
Magic Hour renamed to Golden Hour.
Various abilities changed from Su to EX or the other way around:
Warm sun: From SU to EX.
Kneel in the Light EX to SU
Corona of Light EX to SU
Sunlit Projection EX to SU
Prismatic Singularity, from EX to SU
Zenith Flare from EX to SU
Golden Hour from EX to SU
Zenith Flare now clarified as reflex for HALF. (Associated reflex saves that reduce half damage to 0 damage work.)
Solar Ascension – Flatfooted status removed. Instead reduces your AC by 2.
Clarified Holy and Unholy damage.
Updated Prismatic Spray to use Force instead of non-existent Poison. Corrected terminology on Prismatic Flay.
Refracting Eclipse updated, Spot check made to scale, additional clauses added.
Solar Crux updated and reworded, use condition added.
Solar Ascension and Kneel in the Light changed to (Su)
Spoiler: The fluffA follower of the Way of the Dawning Eye believes that once you begin a task, be it combat or otherwise, there is always a way forward so long as you are clever, cunning or wise enough to see the path forward. If a man hides behind a shield, look for the best opening and relentlessly hound that location with flurries of light and blows. If the sun's light cannot reach inside a tunnel, one would look for the spot that would break the ceiling. Just as the sun beats endlessly upon the earth, so too does a follower of this discipline prize repeatedly attack until the fight is won or lost with relentless strikes that attempt to leave the target weakened, helpless, broken, or fuel their own inexorable strikes. Just as the sun shines down upon the planet day after day, a disciplined Dawning Eye practitioner never stops looking toward the next day, the next goal, or the next horizon to be crossed.
It is said that those who train hard in this path grow so in tune with light that the sun itself shines forth under their powers, and a spiritual bond to the sun itself that borders on almost clerical nature.
Unnamed Master: "Every living creature walks one thousand paths each day. It is upon us to spot which road contains monsters."
Unnamed Novice: "To take the safe path?"
"No, to take the one with monsters, and create a new one."
"A new safe path, or a new monster?"
"That all depends on what you see."
-A riddle too old for even the elves to remember the origin.
Their favored weapons are: Elven Courtblade, Swords, Shields, Chakram, Greatswords, Greathammers, Warhammers, and Maces.
Their favored skill is Spot.
All maneuvers are extraordinary (ex) unless specified
Spoiler: Holy and Unholy
Holy and Unholy are new types of damage used by the discipline. Holy does double damage to Evil beings, and triple damage if they're also an Outsider. However, Holy cannot harm Good beings. Similarly, Unholy does double damage to Good beings, and triple if they are also an Outsider. However, Unholy cannot harm Evil beings.
Spoiler: First LevelLevel 1
(Stance) Warmth of the Sun: You let the reassuring memory of the sun's grace, warmth and light fill your body, blotting out injuries and surging you to finish your objectives, come what may.
Each time you successfully deal damage or apply any magical effect or injury to a foe within a round, you surge with the sun's warmth, healing for 1+ 1 point per initiator level. This effect cannot trigger more than once per turn.
(Boost) Solar Faculae: You picture the searing intensity of a bright spot on the sun's surface within your mind. When you initiate this maneuver, a holy surge of power fills your melee weapon.
Activate this boost as a Swift action. For the rest of your turn, your melee attacks deal an extra 1d6 points of holy damage + 1 point per initiator level. This maneuver is a supernatural ability.
(Counter) Mirror Sheen: You quickly react, turning your blade at the right angle such that light shines into your foe's face.
If there is no light source around you to use or the intended target cannot be blinded, this ability fails. Your foe makes a reflex save equal to your initiator level +10. If they fail, you have partial concealment for the next round from them as they are temporarily blinded.
(Strike) Seek the Breach: You take a brief moment to look for the exact point of weakness in your opponent's defenses before closing in on that spot to attack.
Make a Spot check, then attack. Add one quarter of the check result to your attack roll on this strike.
Spoiler: Second LevelLevel 2
(Boost) Crack of Dawn: You attempt to embody the sudden burst of light just as a new day breaks as you dance forth to attack the very instant a fight breaks out.
You gain your initiator level as a bonus to your initiative as an immediate action when entering combat.
(Strike) Prismatic Flay. You raise your weapon up to the sky, envisioning the sun's rays pouring down into you and your body, then bring it down on your opponent with a strike so hard that light sunders into the seven spectrums of light.
You attack the target as a standard attack action. You make an attack roll with a +1 to hit. If it hits, you deal an additional 1d6 sonic, fire, cold, electricity, unholy, holy, acid or force damage.
Spoiler: Third LevelLevel 3
(Stance) Ancient Aubade:
You extol the words of a song within your mind that archaic elves once sung to court the power of the sun, a fantastical tale of an unknown hero that once fell in love with the spirit of the heavens. Though this hero supposedly never found a way to be with their would-be lover, it was said the hero sung so sweetly and thought so clearly that the sun blessed each and every moment they lived thereafter.
You dedicate a portion of your mind to laying out the thought of every bar and note to this long melody, and gain a +3 luck bonus on all to hit rolls and saving throws so long as you maintain it in the backgrounds of your thoughts.
(Strike) Mark of the Sun: You fill the edge of your weapon with absorbed sunlight and bring it down upon your foe, imprinting dangerous liquid light onto their body for a short duration.
You make a standard attack against your target. If it hits, the target is marked until the end of your next turn. If you or any ally strikes that same target with any damaging ability, attack or spell, the mark explodes and deals 2d6 + your initiator level in holy damage. This is a Supernatural Ability.
(Boost) Sweltering Strikes: You seek to beat relentlessly down upon a target, just as the sun does to the unprepared traveler in the heart of summer as you attempt to exhaust your foe by forcing them to overcommit speed and strength to block your blows and fend off your attacks.
As a swift action, until the end of your next turn, your attacks cause the target to make a fort save of your initiator level plus 5. If they fail, they become exhausted for a round.
Spoiler: Fourth LevelLevel 4
(Counter) Kneel In the Light: Having prepared yourself for a split second reaction you instantly react, dropping to one knee before calling down a radiant sunbeam,. So fierce is this sudden maneuver that your foe's ability or attack is completely negated.
In exchange for rendering yourself blind and immobile until the start of your next turn, elect one singular source of damage and ignore it and any effects that would apply to you. This maneuver can only be initiated while standing on a solid surface. This is a Supernatural ability.
A source of damage is defined as a single instance of damage. This does not allow you to negate multiple iterative attacks, multiple sources of damage from the same ability, or anything similar.
(Boost) Zenith Flare: You tune yourself into the nature of rays of sunlight, solidifying and forming temporary vertical lines of radiant energy.
Activate this boost as a Swift action. Until the start of your next turn, your attacks trigger a flare that appears as a twenty foot high, three foot wide pillar in the struck target's square and travels in the direction struck, hitting all all targets in a 30 foot line with blinding light including the one in the initial square dealing 1+ your initiator level in holy damage before the pillar vanishes .The reflex save for half against this ability is 10+ your initiator level. It cannot harm allies or yourself. This is a Supernatural ability.
Spoiler: Fifth LevelLevel 5
(Stance) Stance of the Midday Sky: You close your eyes briefly, and then open them, as your iris and pupils begin to glow with a golden light. You take on aspects of the sun hawks native to the Sun Elf homeland as well as the very concept of the sky during a clear sunny day – Revealing everything beneath it and focusing in on every tiny detail, processing. From individual blades of grass to the slightest mar in a beast's hide or a crack in a breastplate, you absorb every little detail to guide your relentless tides of attack.
Whilst in this stance, you gain one quarter of your ranks in spot as an additional insight bonus to your attack rolls (Rounded down, minimum 1.) In addition, you gain a +2 insight bonus to AC. Lastly, as long as you are capable of sight, you cannot be caught flat-footed.
(Strike) Analemma: You picture the curved orbit of the sun and the planet within your mind, and draw inspiration to make one clear-cut chest height strike at an angle unpredictable to most.
Make a standard attack. You add half your ranks of spot to your chance to hit for this attack, and your initiator level to damage.
(Boost) Nanoflare: You call down the light of the sun to burn yourself from within with purifying light, guiding it such along your form so that it finds your most potent ailment and burns it from your body. You also may use your clear and practiced sight in an attempt to guide the flames to pinpoint accuracy such that they might minimize the damage done to yourself.
As a swift action, you make a spot check with a dc of 20 + initiator level. If you fail, you take 6d6 + twice your initiator level in fire damage and 2d4 constitution damage. If you succeed, you take take 3d6 fire damage + twice your initiator level in fire damage. Either way, you purge yourself of your choice of one effect. The fire damage from this is considered voluntary, and ignores such things like fire resist or immunity.
Spoiler: Level SixLevel 6
(Strike) Corona of Light: You fill your arm and weapon with searing, molten plasma in tune with your will and sight. Whilst it does not harm you nor your weapon, a long, whip like second edge forms along the tip and and warps into something superheated and alien, burning as you spin and strike all foes within your reach with blue flames.
As a full round attack action, you attack all targets within your reach. Each enemy struck triggers a Zenith Flare as per that boost. This does not stack with the Zenith Flare boost. This is a Supernatural Ability.
(Boost) Sunlit Projection: Make a ranged touch attack on a single target as a swift action. If successful, you vanish into a shaft of light as you focus in on your intended target and instantly reappear behind them, ignoring all terrain along the way and provoking no attacks of opportunity. Additionally, this action marks the target foe with a Mark of the Sun, as per that strike. This is a Supernatural Ability.
Spoiler: Level SevenLevel 7
(Stance) Merciless Dawn: You take on the embodiment of the sun that shines upon the dying man – One of rythmic beats that repeatedly wilts morale, sunders skin and cracks even steel as the dry heat bakes off resistances, leaving victory as yours for the taking.
You deal 1d4 bonus holy damage on all melee attacks. Additionally, each time you deal holy or fire damage to an enemy, you sling molten light that sticks and breaks, increasing your crit threat range against that particular enemy by one, up to a cap of one half of your initiator level. Whenever a target has a total of 10 stacks or more, your strikes force targets to make a will save equal to your initiator level. If they fail, they become shaken for a round. If you leave the stance or if combat ends, the applied stacks disappear.
(Strike) Radiant Emanation: With a word, your weapon shines like the sun.
Make a single melee attack against one opponent. This attack deals +6d6 holy damage. All enemies within 60 feet must make a reflex save (DC 15 + initiator level) against the sudden brilliant light shining from your weapon, and if they fail, are blinded for 1d4 rounds.
Spoiler: Level EightLevel 8
(Stance) Solar Ascension. Glorious winds made of solar light, plasma, and solar winds flowing from your back, forming a set of interlocking winged appendages behind your back that allow you to fly and give off light. However, the flight interrupts simple dodge related things such as ducking or rolling.
You gain a flight speed of 60 ft with perfect maneuverability, but you have a penalty of -2 AC. You also project light out to 40 feet, with shadowy illumination for another 20 feet. This is a Supernatural ability.
(Counter) Refracting Eclipse: You bend and weave light together such that it becomes extraordinarily reflective for a brief instant.
As an immediate action upon noticing your opponent cast a spell or spell-like ability with a Spot check (DC 20+Caster Level of the originator of the effect), you may summon a wall of perfect, distorted light, reflecting any spell or spell-like ability back upon the caster. This is a supernatural ability. You cannot reflect any ability you chose to fail a roll involving. You may only reflect spells that include you in the area of effect.
(Strike) Prismatic Singularity: You hold your weapon up to the sun, having polished a spot to a mirror sheen and split light at such a perfect angle that it mixes with the strength of your eyes and the force of your will.
As a standard attack action, you make a spot check with a dc of 30 to align this. If you make it, you may make an attack action as per Prismatic Spray. You cannot initiate this maneuver unarmed. This is a Supernatural Ability.
Spoiler: Level NineLevel 9
(Strike) Golden Hour: You call down the sun at the perfect moment as the area in a 200 foot radius fills with the glory of the sun, empowering you to summon large amounts of deadly walls of fire and light.
As a full round attack action, calls down dozens upon dozens of beams of light that move randomly in a 40 foot square centered on you. These flares last for 5 rounds total, and deal Zenith Flare's damage (reflex save half) to all foes within this 40 foot square. Additionally, all allies including yourself gain partial concealment. This is a Supernatural ability.
Spoiler: New FeatsSun Kissed:
You walk in the path of the sun, revering the power it offers and the constant companionship of light and heat and manipulate it to your will. You are able to substitute any holy or fire damage generated from any of your own Dawning Eye sources for one another as a free action before you make the attack. For example, a warblade that knows Solar Faculae sees an ice elemental, and substitutes the holy damage for fire damage. This also extends to weapon enchantments such as Flaming or Flaming burst.
You study deeply into the concept of a Zenith Flare, practicing drawing forth the sun directly with your mind, such that you might adapt that technique for use in other situations.. This allows the use of the following tactics.
Requires: Base attack bonus +6, Proficiency with any Dawning Eye preferred weapon, Zenith Flare Boost known, Sun Kissed feat.
To use any of these tactics, you must expend a use of the Zenith Flare boost.
Rend the Heavens: You tear a hole through space with your thoughts for a brief instant, allowing a tiny fraction of the sun's power to swarm through and smite all foes around you. As a full round attack action, you summon one Zenith Flare per five initiator levels per enemy within 30 feet, which then attack those enemies. No enemy may be struck by more than their alloted Zenith Flares. This is a supernatural ability. After striking their designated opponents, the Flares vanish.
Flare of the Heavens: You flurry off a quick burst of three pillars of light, in one furious surge of concentration.
As a full round attack action, you fire one Zenith Flare plus one per five initator levels (minimum one), traveling the full 30 feet. This is a supernatural ability.
Stay of the Heavens: You imprison a target within an orbiting wall of light, blinding them and punishing movement. As a standard action, you summon a large group of patrolling Zenith Flares to orbit a target within 30 feet until the start of your next turn. If they move through the orbiting flares, they will take 1+1d4 times Zenith Flare's damage with no save. This is a supernatural ability.
Unsure on the name for Magic Hour, could also name it Golden Hour.
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
Re: Sun-Themed Discipline (PEACH)
Hello and welcome! I'm always glad to see a homebrew martial discipline, and this one is no exception. This one's pretty powerful: kind of like the mind-caulked better halves of Desert Wind and Shadow Hand, with a little extra on the side. But I don't think it's a problem by any means; it's not going to upstage Iron Heart or White Raven any time soon. And props to your friend for the fluff, for finding a way to make the snootiness of elves into relevant info.
First, the formatting could use work. Traditionally, mechanical effects are split into a second paragraph from the descriptive text, to make it easier to refer to rules text when you forget the details of an ability. A pretty simple fix.
Second, the thing about all maneuvers being extraordinary unless stated otherwise? I think some intended Su maneuvers might not have been marked as such. As of this moment, only three maneuvers are stated to be supernatural, one of which is a stance. It's not internally consistent as to what's supernatural and what isn't, so I don't think it's intentional. Again, easy fix.
Third, a lot of maneuvers lack a statement as to what action it takes to initiate them. Kind of fits into the formatting problem, but it does become a concern with abilities like Nanoflare.
Merciless Dawn is awesome, summing up the discipline's stated ideal perfectly and potentially turning death by a thousand cuts into a viable high-level battle strategy. Synergizes well with Zenith Flare, too. Kneel in the Light is a great answer to the defensive holes that lightly-armored characters have in D&D. Prismatic Flay is simple versatility at a level where that matters.
But there are some notably problematic maneuvers, as of my first couple look-overs.
- Nanoflare stands out immediately. It doesn't state its action type, so I assume this is Iron Heart Surge as a swift action. That's pretty cool and interesting, (even character-defining!) but the check is too easy to make and the price is too easy to just tank or heal over. The part where neither DC nor resulting damage scale makes this rather ridiculous. How does this interact with fire immunity: does it just ignore immunity, as it's a voluntary effect?
- Solar Ascension is really weak for an 8th-level stance. I'll start with the part where rogues get automatic sneak attacks against you, and go forward from there. Perfect flight speed isn't that amazing: not in general, for martial adepts, or for Dawning Eye adepts. Though I find it funny that elves would create a maneuver that perfectly emphasizes their racial faults. (As a suggestion, maybe it gives freedom of movement? Or activates as a purely mental action, so you can bust out of chains and traps with it?)
- Ancient Aubade, the third level stance, is hilariously weak. It just doesn't do much, which is disappointing for all the effort put into the evocative description. After all's said and done, the Song of the Sun is no more than a slightly better bless?
There's a lot of other little stuff, like Zenith Flare not saying whether the Reflex save is for half damage or negation, but those three are a good place to start.
As for your 9th-level's name, Golden Hour sounds better to me. It's more specific, and the 9th-level maneuver should always be as distinct and impressive as possible. Things like Radiant Hour or Moment of Brilliance could go on the pile of options. Solar Kiss is a bit fancy, but the walls of fire make it rather accurate.
- Join Date
- Nov 2014
- Nowhere, Middle of
Re: Sun-Themed Discipline (PEACH)
Thanks for the feedback! After me and my friend polish his, I'm going to be working on one of my own, so I hope you're as happy to see that one as you are this one. :D
Changed in the initial post are the following, as per your feedback:
Changed several abilities to (su). Unsure on Prismatic Flay or Kneel in the Light. Thoughts?
Changed Solar Ascension to -2 AC. Not sure if in-line with other flight stances' drawbacks.
Changed Ancient Aubade to +3. Open to suggestions.
Nanoflare entirely reworded, and now scales.
Many abilities had activation times added.
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
Re: Sun-Themed Discipline (PEACH)
You're quite welcome, and I'm glad to see such a quick response! I wish I could offer the same. Regardless, I look forward to your next discipline. I'd ask for a hint as to what it is, but I'll be patient.
Spoiler: With formatting fixed and tags added, I can now examine your work more easily.
- What is Holy damage? It doesn't exist in base D&D. Does it interact with Celestials and Fiends? This is actually pretty cool, the kind of thing that can make a discipline stand out.
- In Prismatic Flay, the damage types described don't parse correctly. Some are mislabeled: frost, lightning, and acidic damage are technically called cold, electricity, and acid damage respectively. Unholy and poison damage are more problematic, as they don't have a direct equivalent. Poison damage is most comparable to negative energy damage, which is notable for healing undead creatures. Unholy damage could be represented as vile damage, which cannot heal except with magic cast within hallowed ground. I personally prefer the colorful nature of Unholy and Poison as types, but the choice as to whether you keep it brief or write in some custom damage types is up to you. (In other news, I assume you learned D&D from 4th Edition?)
- Refracting Eclipse should state that the caster cannot choose to fail any roll made as part of the reflected spell. Additionally, it lacks a direct statement as to whether it can return spells that targeted others, or only yourself. The latter seems more in line with the description, but if that is so it should state a range within which the spell's target must be. And you may want to increase the Spot DC to be in line with the Nanoflare change; as a high level ability, it could just be set at something silly like 40, or perhaps you could make it scale with the caster level of the spell to be reflected.
- The Solar Crux feat's wording could be improved, mostly for clarification. Do the Zenith Flares created by Rend the Heavens move as normal for Zenith Flares, or do they sit on their targets? Is the "large group" created by Stay of the Heavens an abstraction, and if so how much space does it cover and how far out do its "walls" go? The damage seems a little low for a soft-lock move, so perhaps you could raise it to 1+1d4 times Zenith Flare damage, since it's single-target and no longer an area effect? Also, no range is stated for Stay of the Heavens; is it 30 ft., as per the norm for Zenith Flare? On the fluffy side of things, do you have to have Zenith Flare readied to use the benefits of Solar Crux, or can it merely be known?
The question to ask yourself when deciding between Su and Ex is: "Do I want this to work in an anti-magic field?" That's the practical difference between the two. My preference for the stated maneuvers would be: Prismatic Flay as Ex, as it's a strike that splits light into colors and then elements, and is therefore a mundane action with a mystical reaction; Kneel in the Light as Su, since it seems to be less of a beam of blinding light and more of a channel for the raw awe and splendor of the sun, calming and neutralizing malicious and destructive energies for a moment. (It stops fireballs and cannon shells, so something special's going on there)
If I might ask, why are the stances all extraordinary? Was that because I implied they couldn't be supernatural (they can) or was it a conscious choice? Not to push things either way, but the ability for a high-level Dawning Eye adept to grow solar wings out of his back as an extraordinary, explicitly non-magical action is pretty sweet, if not quite internally consistent.
As a side note, Merciless Dawn and Mark of the Sun are making me want to throw together a PrC about a guy who makes flasks and potions out of liquid light. Or maybe a dragon that breathes it, or a giant toad that secretes it. You caused this, you know. It's all your fault.
- Join Date
- Nov 2014
- Nowhere, Middle of
Re: Sun-Themed Discipline (PEACH)
Update two is in!
Still seeking more feedback, obviously.
I don't know what edition my friend (who is the real creator here, and wrote 99% of the everything) started playing with. I personally started with 3/3.5.
As for a hint for my one... Ice. Lots and lots of ice.
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
Re: Sun-Themed Discipline (PEACH)
SpoilerFirst things first, I can't say I've personally mathhammered it, but Holy damage looks like it stacks up with the "IL to damage" to make for overwhelming damage totals vs. any kind of fiend. Fiends are the most powerful and often-used enemy type in 3.5, and the ability to do massive damage to them is very useful, but being that Holy damage is rightly common and repeatable for Dawning Eye maneuvers it could afford a reduced effect. Perhaps it could be written so that it multiplies only variable damage, thus increasing damage totals by a large amount but not multiplying "IL to damage". Or simply spot-fixed by reducing it to +50%/+100% damage, which is high but reasonable.
And the big one: Golden Hour. I think it needs to be re-written for clarity and effect. It says that it summons "dozens and dozens of beams of light"; are these active forces that must be tracked as they move, or does Golden Hour create a field effect representing an area flooded with mobile beams? The description says that it stretches out to a 200 ft. radius, but the rules segment says that it's mobile and only goes 40 ft. out.
The ability itself seems somewhat low-key for a full-round action 9th-level maneuver, since while it deals five times Zenith Flare's damage, it deals it so slowly. Perhaps if it had other effects, such as no-save blinding for any non-ally caught within the area, which sounds cruel and unusual enough to be a proper high-level killer app. If you want to keep it conceptually as-is, I propose having it hit them with Zenith Flares multiple times per turn, but with a single saving throw per turn for ease of management, and it's a much higher save DC than normal for Zenith Flares. (20 +IL?)
Any other ideas? This is a really flashy, cool maneuver, and its design ought to reflect that.
I notice none of the major weapons of the discipline are light weapons. Makes since from a fluff perspective, kind of a paladin/swashbuckler thing you're going for, but there's a minor issue with Solar Faculae. It highly encourages the use of two-weapon and multiweapon fighting over the actual discipline weapons. You might want to consider writing in that attacks made with a two-handed weapon deal 2d6 +IL Holy damage instead.
Sunlit Projection doesn't appear to have a range. "Any point you can see" is entirely valid as a range, if you want. In the same vein, is it meant to not be marked as a Teleportation effect? It should be if you want dimensional lock and similar effects to be able to shut it down.
This discipline is pretty much in the clear. Golden Hour is the only real sticking point I have left.