List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

[JAL_1138]

We have created a new time stop ring in my campaign. The ring OF ONE SECOND!!! It only activates when you "Can't Even" and stop times until you can "Even". Unfortunately you cannot move or take any actions during this time other than trying to "Even".

Time to bust out the TSR-era monster manual and go on a hunt for the silliest and most baffling ones to throw at the party...that ring'll get a lot of use.

[jkat718]

Time to bust out the TSR-era monster manual and go on a hunt for the silliest and most baffling ones to throw at the party...that ring'll get a lot of use.

Two articles I think you'll like:
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article95.htm

[JAL_1138]

Two articles I think you'll like:
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article95.htm

Seen them both Although with a few exceptions (there's no saving the Stench Kow) I tend to take more of the Bogleech stance. Old stupid monsters are great, not facepalm-worthy. I just know that isn't common opinion, but still like to use them anyway.

http://bogleech.com/dnd.html

[jkat718]

Seen them both Although with a few exceptions (there's no saving the Stench Kow) I tend to take more of the Bogleech stance. Old stupid monsters are great, not facepalm-worthy. I just know that isn't common opinion, but still like to use them anyway.

http://bogleech.com/dnd.html

Oh, I totally agree! Thanks for that link, btw.

[Mrmox42]

Morningstar Cactus Seeds: When sown in sandy soil, these seeds will grow cactusses (cacti?) that, when harvested, can be used in combat as Morningstars. It takes about 6 mounths for the seeds to grow to an appropriate size, and they only need to be watered now and then.

[goto124]

Do I take bleeding damage when using these cactus morningstars though?

[Mrmox42]

Do I take bleeding damage when using these cactus morningstars though?

Special gloves may be needed

[JAL_1138]

Do I take bleeding damage when using these cactus morningstars though?

Presumably one puts the cactus atop a stick, much as one puts the wooden block full of nails or metal sphere/block covered in pointy things on the end of a stick in order to make the morningstar. Or at least trims the needles off the handle area, if they grow into full morningstars with poles already on them.

[Wardog]

AKA beer, mead, wine, cider, vodka, whiskey, rum, tequila, gin, etc., etc.

Exactly :)

I was going to add other effects such as having to take a con check to avoid falling asleep (or throwing up), and being afflicted with some sort of "pain" effect when the other effects wore off.

[Mrmox42]

Or at least trims the needles off the handle area, if they grow into full morningstars with poles already on them.

This may seem the best solution. I'll vote for that.

[ShikomeKidoMi]

Mostly useless items:

Poison Frog Arrow: This arrow carries a deadly poison that only affects frogs.

Poison Arrow Frog Arrow: When fired, this arrow turns into a poison arrow frog immediately before impact, only doing 1 point of damage on a hit. On a miss, the frog lands adjacent to the target. The frog's venom does not take effect unless ingested and it attempts to flee in the following round.

Tangled Web: This large cobweb patterned net never folds neatly. Attempts to use it in combat as a standard net gain +2 to hit but on a successful attack it also snags on the wielder, restraining both the user and the target, both of whom can use their actions to attempt to burst free with a DC 15 Str check afterwards. Destroying the tangled web requires dealing 10 slashing damage and it has an AC of 12.

Wand of Lightening Bolt: Creates a 60' line of energy that leeches the color out of things it strikes, causing them to appear faded and bleached.

Ring of Mind Blank: Makes it impossible to for the wearer to succeed at Int based checks, including skills, to remember details when under pressure if the DC is over 10. This doesn't stop the possessor from practically applying those skills, such as by using Investigate to notice signs of a secret door.

[GorinichSerpant]

Morningstar Cactus Seeds: When sown in sandy soil, these seeds will grow cactusses (cacti?) that, when harvested, can be used in combat as Morningstars. It takes about 6 mounths for the seeds to grow to an appropriate size, and they only need to be watered now and then.

I am going to make this a standard weapon in a desert nation at some point.

[Mrmox42]

I am going to make this a standard weapon in a desert nation at some point.

Use it with the Spear Palm Trees and the Calabash Club.

[JAL_1138]

Use it with the Spear Palm Trees and the Calabash Club.

Not to mention the Sword Yucca.

[Joe the Rat]

Saguaro Golems.

Okay, technically you'd have Saguarents, but this is a magic item thread.

Figuring of Not Entirely Not Wondrous Power: Fluorite Saguaro.

[Mrmox42]

Garden Gnome of Destructive Fury: When placed in a garden, this rather ugly ceramic garden gnome force everybody who see it to make a DC 18 Will Save. If saved, the victim only feel annoyed. If failed, the victim is compelled to charge straight towards the garden gnome and kick the damn thing until nothing remains but a fine powder.

[JAL_1138]

Garden Gnome of Destructive Fury: When placed in a garden, this rather ugly ceramic garden gnome force everybody who see it to make a DC 18 Will Save. If saved, the victim only feel annoyed. If failed, the victim is compelled to charge straight towards the garden gnome and kick the damn thing until nothing remains but a fine powder.

Item is in possession of an astonishingly-dangerous, completely barmy old man named Henderson, who is extremely attached to it and will pursue anyone who harms it to the ends of the earth.

[Fralex]

I was able to find a shady seller offering a Wand of Magic Detection 90% off. It turned out to have a flaw normally only found on artifacts: nobody in a 500-foot radius of it can sleep if it's not fully charged. It also lets out an awful feedback-y screech whenever it's used. I guess I got what I payed for...

[Mrmox42]

Item is in possession of an astonishingly-dangerous, completely barmy old man named Henderson, who is extremely attached to it and will pursue anyone who harms it to the ends of the earth.

Is that 'Maniac Axe' Henderson you are referring to?

[Rogue Shadows]

Mordenkainen's Magnificent Pants: Precisely what they are named to be, Mordenkainen's magnificent pants are a set of pants set with tiny rubies that glisten most wondrously. Those who merely found you interesting find you to be fabulous, while those who were intrigued now become infatuated...by your pants. Oddly wearing the pants induces in others the desire to see you out of the pants...usually so that the viewer can have and wear the pants instead.

Basically this is a fabulous, wearable version of the Arkhenstone.

[Kd7sov]

Mordenkainen's Magnificent Pants: Precisely what they are named to be, Mordenkainen's magnificent pants are a set of pants set with tiny rubies that glisten most wondrously. Those who merely found you interesting find you to be fabulous, while those who were intrigued now become infatuated...by your pants. Oddly wearing the pants induces in others the desire to see you out of the pants...usually so that the viewer can have and wear the pants instead.

Basically this is a fabulous, wearable version of the Arkhenstone.

Chances are, their pants are not as fancy as the pair
Of very fancy pants of Mordenkainen's that you wear.

The Black Box: When this item is attuned, it ties itself to the user's soul. Should the user die, their soul becomes trapped in the box until someone else attunes it. While in the box, a soul is forced to watch, over and over again, a recording of the 2d6 rounds prior to their death, with subtle but particular focus on the specific factors that caused their death. While in the box, a soul is unavailable for any spell or that would bind it to undeath or restore it to life, except for True Resurrection.

[JAL_1138]

Is that 'Maniac Axe' Henderson you are referring to?

I don't know about "Maniac Axe" Henderson..."Old Man Henderson" is the legendary PC who won Call of Cthulhu by being completely and utterly bonkers, very good with explosives, and violently obsessed with finding his missing collection of lawn gnomes. He's also the base unit of the Henderson Scale of Plot Derailment.

[Wardog]

Mordenkainen's Magnificent Pants: Precisely what they are named to be, Mordenkainen's magnificent pants are a set of pants set with tiny rubies that glisten most wondrously. Those who merely found you interesting find you to be fabulous, while those who were intrigued now become infatuated...by your pants. Oddly wearing the pants induces in others the desire to see you out of the pants...usually so that the viewer can have and wear the pants instead.

Basically this is a fabulous, wearable version of the Arkhenstone.

Is that "pants" in the American sense, or "pants" in the British sense?

[jkat718]

Is that "pants" in the American sense, or "pants" in the British sense?

Both...at the same time.

[Mrmox42]

The Henderson Scale of Plot Derailment

Oh, yes. I had completely forgotten that one.

Here it is:

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Henderso...lot_Derailment

[Rogue Shadows]

Is that "pants" in the American sense, or "pants" in the British sense?

Whichever is funnier.

[Cazero]

Whichever is funnier.

As in wearing your pants above your pants, (un)like Superman.

[Mrmox42]

Relics of Saint Bobrick: Holy nail clippings of the (very) obscure Saint Bobrick. These are stored in a small and unremarkable ivory box. The Relics do posses some powers, and members of his (even more obscure, and slightly deranged) cult will do almost anything to acquire them.
The person carrying the holy nail clippings will recieve visions of the obese and loudly crying and lamenting Saint on a daily basis. These visions tend to come at inopportune moments, and they are impossible to 'turn off'. The Saint never tell anything useful, he just cries and laments.
Undead find it slightly unpleasant (and annoying) to come too close to the Relics, and must pass a DC8 Wis Save to move within 30 feet of them.
If you can find a way to glue the nail clippings to your own fingernails (there are 5 nail clippings), the weapon in this hand will do +1 damage to undead.

[AbyssStalker]

This thread is golden, I have found a good deal of magical item inspiration from it.

Bartering Ram: A miniature of a goat that incessantly haggles for any and every item around it, it offers nothing but prosperous commerce between any party involved.

[Mrmox42]

Chopsticks of Speed-Eating: A set of elegant bamboo chopsticks, that allows the user to eat at half the time it would usually take to consume one meal. The Chopsticks are hollow, and allows the user to ingest soup or beverages in half the normal time as well.
Some use this ability to get drunk in half the time.