Problem player

[ganondorf50]

I hate to post something like this but one of my players has pushed me too far, I am looking for advice. To start off he is a excellent roll player but he is constantly getting into fights with the group, my problem mostly lies in the fact that he is the party leader but its this post that put me over the edge

"I don't want to throw in the towel with everything I put in thus far, but I figured I'd give expressing my indignation a shot before I make a decision. I'm trying to have fun, but when people treat me poorly, it stops becoming enjoyable.
I've been railroaded significantly at the second half with no-save kidnapping, the NPC's being deliberately wooden, escorted out of Celestia mid-visit, copper dragon shafting kratta, diplomacy and key characters being foregone, and a 40+ spellcraft check telling me jack **** about how to solve the BBEG's spell problem in regards to his hostages. This at a time where I had other players insulting me when I was stumped for ideas.
I really like the idea of building up to taking on a Tarrasque, but... I lack tolerance for in-group malice."


To explain some of that stuff was story wise, Now this would not be a problem if he private messaged me but he posted it in a public forum, I am so furious right now its not funny.

[Jormengand]

Problems with saying it publicly aside, those all sound like entirely reasonable concerns to have. No-save no-roll just-be-kidnapped is something that I would not be cool with as a player, and would not do as a DM. So, try not doing those things, I guess?

[ganondorf50]

Problems with saying it publicly aside, those all sound like entirely reasonable concerns to have. No-save no-roll just-be-kidnapped is something that I would not be cool with as a player, and would not do as a DM. So, try not doing those things, I guess?

The kidnapping was storywise I was giving the party a clear goal to rescue their comrade from the Big Bad
as for some of the others, he tends to have ISP problems, the problem I am having here is that I did not see the roll in question other wise I would have told him how to dispel it.
As for the other issues with the other players I have been working on it

[Red Fel]

It sounds like you're angry. It also sounds like he is, too.

My advice? Take a moment. Heck, take an hour. I know what it's like when someone makes you that livid, and if you need some time to cool down, take that time. Don't put finger to keyboard penning a response - and you will respond - until you've cooled your head. You're angry. And you have a right to be. But you shouldn't reply in anger. Once you've cooled down, you can respond.

Respond privately. Like he should have done. And tell him, in a civil and polite manner, that it was hurtful to you for him to fire off at you publicly like that. Tell him you would have preferred that he had come to you privately; that had you know he was upset, you would have tried to work things out with him.

I am making a big assumption, of course. I am assuming that you are not some kind of fascist control freak. I don't know you, so it could be a big assumption, but I try to assume that most people are just ordinary, decent people.

Right now, what he posted suggests that he felt angry, railroaded, and powerless, and that he felt hostility from all sides. I'm going to assume that he never brought this up with you. (If he brought it up previously, and was ignored, then your problem is an entirely different one.) What you need to do, once you've calmed a bit, is reassure him that you're not his enemy, that you want to help, and that you want the game to be a safe, fun environment for everyone involved. It is of the utmost importance that he feel that he can come to you with his concerns, if he has any, or else you can pretty much expect this kind of thing to happen again. I find that for a player to go this far, he generally either (1) feels that he has no other recourse, either from players or DM, or (2) is a jerk. From your description, this player isn't a jerk, so it seems as though he feels isolated and powerless. You need to remind him that this isn't the case.

Now, I'm not going to point fingers or blame, because that's not productive, and neither should you. Yes, perhaps he was out of line posting publicly. Perhaps he had reason and perhaps he only believed that he did; perhaps you were railroading him and perhaps you weren't. What matters now is the moving-forward part.

Take some time, cool off, then reach out to your player. Talk it out, and create an environment conducive to future conversation.

[ganondorf50]

Thank you, I will PM him, the problem was it had been festering in my head for a few days. I will talk it out with him like a civilized person

[Maglubiyet]

What makes you so angry about it? His post doesn't sound that bad - no name calling, flaming, attacks, etc.

It appears that he is making what he seems to feel are legitimate complaints. If he feels he is being "treated poorly" then maybe you could address that issue first.

Then, later, ask him to PM you first before posting something like this publicly.

[goto124]

he is constantly getting into fights with the group

I'm more curious about this bit. Could you eleborate please? What does he argue with the group about? Any examples?

[DixieDevil]

It sounds to me like there's some serious railroading going on

[TheIronGolem]

The kidnapping was storywise I was giving the party a clear goal to rescue their comrade from the Big Bad

This is not a reason to run an encounter by fiat. If you want the Big Bad to try to kidnap someone, cool, let him try.