A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Inevitability's Avatar

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    Default Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Basically, this is a thread with only one rule: every single post has to contain at least one pun. The worse it is, the better.

    Allow me to kick this off!


    Did you hear about that guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
    Last edited by Inevitability; 2015-05-24 at 04:23 AM.
    Have you had enough of unreasonably high LA's and unplayable monsters in 3.5? Then check out the LA-assignment thread! Don't hesitate to give feedback!

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tentreto's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    An even worse story is about a guy who loved tractors, and filled his room with tractor memorabilia. Then one day, he was run over by one and tore it all down.
    Last I heard of him, he was working in the ventilation industry as an extractor fan.
    Avatar by the Incredible Gengy.
    King of Caligonia in Empire 3. Crusaded into the sunset

    Played as The Whitefeather Kingdom in Empire 4. Flew too close to the sun

    Played as the Duenem in Empire 5. Ordered a God to stand down, and kept a contingency ready...



  3. - Top - End - #3
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    enderlord99's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    You know what really gives me gas?

    Helium dispensers.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strigon View Post
    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

    I salute you.
    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

    I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm.
    Explanation here.

    Most pronouns are fine for me. Just don't try to mix them.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Did you know it's impossible to run through a campsite?
    You have to ran, because it's past tents
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    Quote Originally Posted by Draconium View Post
    All things considered, the guy whose character attacked a gazebo may have actually had a point...
    Quote Originally Posted by Anlashok View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by sideswipe View Post
    ban the problem spells and the problem classes. not the whole book.
    So.. Keep the bard?
    Quote Originally Posted by Story View Post
    The only thing worse than a Beholder with an anti-magic cone is a Beholder without the anti-magic cone.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Baaa, I can think! Baaa, I can't see in the dark!

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Inevitability's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Q: Why aren't the Ghostbusters allowed in the liquor store anymore?
    A: They attacked all the spirits.
    Last edited by Inevitability; 2015-06-07 at 10:44 AM.
    Have you had enough of unreasonably high LA's and unplayable monsters in 3.5? Then check out the LA-assignment thread! Don't hesitate to give feedback!

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  6. - Top - End - #6
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Quild's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    - We have to destroy those slave pens!
    - Don't worry, I don't think they know how to write.


    Quote Originally Posted by Dire_Stirge View Post
    Did you hear about that guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
    I actually did a very, very similar one some 4 years ago after falling from some 8 feet on my left knee and elbow (ground vs elbow vs ribs: Elbow breaks ribs, ground dislocates elbow, ground wins).
    The friend I was with found it very fun. His other two friends were quite worried for me and missed the fun of the ton of funny thing we said to forget pain.

    The joke was something like "Do you know the good side of it?" / "No?" / "The right one. Only my left side hurts".

    Aaaah, good times, I miss that.
    Posting from France
    Sorry for my accent.

    Thanks to neoseph7 for my avatar (Allen Walker from D.Gray-Man)

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Here's one of my dad's new favorites.

    What do you call a fake noodle?

    An impasta!
    Never stop rolling!

    -Z


    Nexus Characters: Myzid

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    That was terrible, but at least it wasn't a Russian pun.
    They tend to Peter out.

    That seems bad, but puns about sausage are the wurst.
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    Supagoof took the most blows and incidentally took exactly the same damage Xihirli inflicted.
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    Xihirli: Being a better target since 2015.
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    Xihirli, bastion of murder and betrayal.
    Quote Originally Posted by BasketOfPuppies View Post
    Wow I missed a lot today. So, kill Xihirli?
    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarVecna View Post
    Nobody else is gonna be right behind me, right now. Only Xihirli.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rogan View Post
    If Xi and I agree some more, I will start to doubt my own alignment!
    Quote Originally Posted by flat_footed View Post
    I still prefer to see you as the dagger hanging over us all, Xi.

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I am disappointed by the lack of tentacle puns in this thread. I'm a sucker for a good tentacle pun.
    inner circle Legionary of Resiliance
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    Not here as much. I am out Roman around.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    One from a friend at a primary school talent show (circa 2002, gosh I feel old):

    Why did the dragon sleep during the day?
    Because he only ate knights.
    Icy Fan of Gelugons and proud member of Baatezu Lovers Club

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    Quote Originally Posted by Raging Gene Ray View Post
    You seem to like summoning monsters and watching them beat the everloving crap out of one another.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Speaking of night, I was stayed up until morning to find out where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

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    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I want Games Workshop to have a contest where you can win a solid gold piece worth six figures.

    Because I want to win The $100,000 Tyranid.

    Pony Felandria by Dirtytabs, OOTS Avvie by Purple Eagle, Doll by Recaiden
    FelandriaDeadra Blackfyre

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    My friends and I used to do pun battles all the time back in high school. It kept our morale up right before history class.
    Though that's all in the past, because we pun the war on good grades!
    True story, by the way, as told by the winners
    Quote Originally Posted by The_Jette View Post
    If you write gibberish in common, even comprehend languages won't turn it into a sonnet.
    P.Z. - gamer; friend; royalty. 'Tis a pleasure.
    <<Cynthia the Witch by me. she's a nice gal, I promise!

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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    After revealing that he had depression, Pat received a list of 10 puns from his friends, trying to cheer him up. Unforunately, no pun in ten did.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Titan in the Playground
     
    AvatarVecna's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    When your job is putting groceries in bags for the customers, you have to wait for them to select their preferred material; we all know that baggers can't be choosers.


    Currently Recruiting WW/Mafia: CaoimhinTheCape's Dead Of Winter

    Avatar by AsteriskAmp

    Quote Originally Posted by Book Wombat View Post
    It's always AvatarVecna time.

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Lifscuetorya
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    So I heard this story about a rope. The rope walks into a bar and orders a drink.
    The bartender asks, "Are you a rope?". The rope says " Yes.".
    The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve ropes here." And kicks the rope out. Well, the rope gets all twisted up over that, and all his ends become a bit unraveled, and he goes back to the bar. The bartender asks again, "Are you a rope?", to which the rope responds...
    " No, I'm a frayed knot."

    (The sound of crickets chirping is heard softly in the background)

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Mythaos
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    So there were two broccolis walking down the street together, Big Broccoli and Small Broccoli. They came to a crosswalk, and Small Broccoli darted accros, dodging dastardly drivers until he reached the other side. Big Broccoli tried to imitate her, but he wasn't as limber as his friend, and he was hit. Small Broccoli rushed him to the hospital. She waited for hours, pacing up and down the halls, until finally the doctor came out.

    "Is he alright, doc?"

    "Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, he'll live. The bad news is, he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Prince Zahn's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    When someone smacks you with his right hand, you can't argue with it 'cause it's right to do so.
    When someone slaps you with the left hand, it's because all the right people left you hanging.
    Quote Originally Posted by The_Jette View Post
    If you write gibberish in common, even comprehend languages won't turn it into a sonnet.
    P.Z. - gamer; friend; royalty. 'Tis a pleasure.
    <<Cynthia the Witch by me. she's a nice gal, I promise!

    My player Resume, for potential DMs to read over.


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  19. - Top - End - #19
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Post Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    jeesh, the puns are getting so intense, its almost like we're camping.
    Avatar done by Cealocanth.

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I have problems with my skin itching pretty frequently. So frequently in fact, that when I start to itch I refer to it as "Comrade Alodovich coming to visit."
    It doesn't matter what you CAN do--it matters what you WILL do.

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I used to be a banker (but then I took an arrow to the knee, no just kidding) but then I lost interest.

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RedKnightGirl

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    ...
    DING


    I used to be an Avenger like you...
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    ...but then I took an arrow in the Kree.
    Hi! I'm a Girl At A Desk. I like DnD and Path of Exile a lot.

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  23. - Top - End - #23
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Atreyu the Masked LLama's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Playing D&D

    (GM): "you all see what appears to be the overgrown ruins of an ancient temple"
    Player: "can we tell who it was a temple to?"
    (GM) "not at a glance - any such indication is covered by ivy, weeds, tree-limbs and other vegetation."
    Llama: "oh, so it's a moss-que..."
    inner circle Legionary of Resiliance
    I love my Ceikatars!
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    Not here as much. I am out Roman around.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Pex's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    In the first season of Agents of SHIELD, Ward and May hooked up. One scene has Brett Dalton wearing only a towel around his waist, eye candy for the ladies (and some men I suppose). However, behind the scenes the actor was bothered by this. During dress rehearsal he complained to the director when the costume department only gave him the towel. The director told him that was the costume. Brett Dalton was miffed. "You're lying. Which Ward robe?"
    Last edited by Pex; 2015-10-14 at 02:10 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by OgresAreCute View Post
    "Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, where the DCs are made up and the rules don't matter."

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I won't let my children watch the music channel, too much sax and violins.
    Avatar by me
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cizak View Post
    I'm gonna be against the flow here and say outlined.

    What? Everyone else are against the flow too, okay?
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    In the grim statistics of the far future, there is only math.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kneenibble View Post
    Most Hilarious Murderer in the Playground. Both his episodes of hysterically ending my life left me chuckling even hours later when I thought about them.
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  26. - Top - End - #26
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    ClericGirl

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Did you hear about the midwife moonlighting as a stand-up comedian? She did pretty well; she had good delivery.

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I would make a joke about a castle, but the build-up is too long.
    Avatar by me
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cizak View Post
    I'm gonna be against the flow here and say outlined.

    What? Everyone else are against the flow too, okay?
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    In the grim statistics of the far future, there is only math.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kneenibble View Post
    Most Hilarious Murderer in the Playground. Both his episodes of hysterically ending my life left me chuckling even hours later when I thought about them.
    And more in the extended signature!

    Extended signature

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    If you speak one human language as well as canine, you are considered bow-lingual.
    inner circle Legionary of Resiliance
    I love my Ceikatars!
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    Not here as much. I am out Roman around.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    The reason Harrison Ford broke his leg filming Star Wars is Mark Hamill had loosened paneling on the Millennium Falcon set meant as a prank for a later scene shoot by Peter Mayhew. What a joker he is.
    Quote Originally Posted by OgresAreCute View Post
    "Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, where the DCs are made up and the rules don't matter."

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RedKnightGirl

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I went to see a documentary on the Earl of Grey two days ago. Sadly, it wasn't my cup of tea.
    Hi! I'm a Girl At A Desk. I like DnD and Path of Exile a lot.

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    By Howl

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