GiP Regulars as Wondrous Items

[Zaydos]

There are 2 people who have given permission and not had anything made. Someone (not me) should fix that.

[Snowbluff]

There are 2 people who have given permission and not had anything made. Someone (not me) should fix that.

Mind telling me who so I don't have to scour the list?

[Zaydos]

Mind telling me who so I don't have to scour the list?

Unless I missed someone or accidentally crossed out a name that shouldn't be Invader and khadgar.

Though Lug could use more.

[Snowbluff]

Oh.

It's a shame. I don't know either of them really well. D:

[IZ42]

I don't know them either, unfortunately.

[atemu1234]

I need a vacation.

I had one... until my work followed me.

[Invader]

Oh.

It's a shame. I don't know either of them really well. D:

I'm an open book...

But a dark and mysterious open book...

That probably doesn't help...

[Zaydos]

I usually skip these but I'd very much like someone to make me into a wondrous item

Tabard of the Invader
Price: 8,000 GP.
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 12th.
Aura: Strong; DC 21 Transmutation.
Activation: Constant
Weight: 1/2 lb.

This black and silver tabard is made to be worn by mounted crusaders. When worn by a crusader or other character with Steely Resolve it causes the rider to extend their Steely Resolve to cover their mount as well (they share a single damage pool and it cannot delay more damage spread between them than its pool can contain). When worn by a crusader or other character with Furious Counterstrike it causes the rider to share their Furious Counterstrike with their mount granting it the same bonus to attack and damage that the rider themselves receives.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Tenser's Transformation
Cost to Create: 4,000 GP and 320 XP Pricing WHEEEEEEEEEE

[Marlowe]

Khadgar is the nice chap or chapette who thinks I'm evil for some reason and wants to do a Gundam show where the bridge bunnies actually wear bunny costumes.

I don't have the heart to tell him that Macross is the one with chatty all-female bridge crews.

[Zaydos]

So I should make them a cursed bunny suit which launches at people, attaches to them, and cannot be removed?

[IZ42]

I'd think it would cast Mind Rape on them and forces them to be loyal to the user no matter what, seeing as that's what his modus operandi.

[Zaydos]

I...

[atemu1234]

So I should make them a cursed bunny suit which launches at people, attaches to them, and cannot be removed?

Sounds suspiciously like me.

[khadgar567]

well I as Invader said
I am open book you just try to read me( I dare your to make will save on page one )
marlowe I am a chap buddy ( and don't' see the macross )
though I prefer some thing that boosts good old eldricth blast or kinetics elemental one)

[NeoPhoenix0]

well I as Invader said
I am open book you just try to read me( I dare your to make will save on page one )
marlowe I am a chap buddy ( and don't' see the macross )
though I prefer some thing that boosts good old eldricth blast or kinetics elemental one)

(looks at book with fingers crossed) please be more insanity... You can never have enough of it... All sanity ever did was limit people's reality and capabilities... Might need a stronger page number if it is insanity though...

[Invader]

Tabard of the Invader
Price: 8,000 GP.
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 12th.
Aura: Strong; DC 21 Transmutation.
Activation: Constant
Weight: 1/2 lb.

This black and silver tabard is made to be worn by mounted crusaders. When worn by a crusader or other character with Steely Resolve it causes the rider to extend their Steely Resolve to cover their mount as well (they share a single damage pool and it cannot delay more damage spread between them than its pool can contain). When worn by a crusader or other character with Furious Counterstrike it causes the rider to share their Furious Counterstrike with their mount granting it the same bonus to attack and damage that the rider themselves receives.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Tenser's Transformation
Cost to Create: 4,000 GP and 320 XP Pricing WHEEEEEEEEEE

Thank you sir

[Socratov]

please forgive my bluntness, but it seems that lately these threads seem to go into a direction of "GitP regulars; where Zaydos is King and turnins everyone into an [X]" (where X is whatever we fancy to that moment).

Which is to say, the Zaydos is extremely awesome at what s/he does and the rest of us should make more stuff (myself included, I just don't know anything about making decent items)

[Blackhawk748]

please forgive my bluntness, but it seems that lately these threads seem to go into a direction of "GitP regulars; where Zaydos is King and turnins everyone into an [X]" (where X is whatever we fancy to that moment).

Which is to say, the Zaydos is extremely awesome at what s/he does and the rest of us should make more stuff (myself included, I just don't know anything about making decent items)

Hey i made one, though i should probably make more, but for whatever reason i just couldnt think of anything, well anything that wasnt a weapon

[YossarianLives]

Khadgar's Bracelet of Secrets
Price: 10,000 GP
Body Slot: wrists
Caster Level: 12th
Aura: strong divination
Activation: see text
Weight: 1/4 lb

This thick golden bracelet is studded with countless tiny gemstones. It was first devised centuries ago by the loremasters of Ung'tak, not only to help them remember the details of countless scrolls and books, but also as a sign of riches and prestige.

Once per day the bracelet can be asked a yes or no question relating to anything. The bracelet will respond completely truthfully in a monotone voice but it can only answer yes or no, it cannot, and will not provide any additional information. If the bracelet is asked more than one question in a day it will not respond. While the bracelet is worn it provides a +1 insight bonus to all knowledge skills.

[khadgar567]

Khadgar's Bracelet of Secrets
Price: 10,000 GP
Body Slot: wrists
Caster Level: 12th
Aura: strong divination
Activation: see text
Weight: 1/4 lb

This thick golden bracelet is studded with countless tiny gemstones. It was first devised centuries ago by the loremasters of Ung'tak, not only to help them remember the details of countless scrolls and books, but also as a sign of riches and prestige.

Once per day the bracelet can be asked a yes or no question relating to anything. The bracelet will respond completely truthfully in a monotone voice but it can only answer yes or no, it cannot, and will not provide any additional information. If the bracelet is asked more than one question in a day it will not respond. While the bracelet is worn it provides a +1 insight bonus to all knowledge skills.

well that's some thing use full but can you explain how I can use this for warlock who deals 65d8 damage per round an 2 levels spare to dip any class( not including the harbinger)

[Socratov]

Hey i made one, though i should probably make more, but for whatever reason i just couldnt think of anything, well anything that wasnt a weapon

true, nonetheless I tink that each of our contributions pales in comparison to the amount of work Zaydos puts out.

[IZ42]

true, nonetheless I tink that each of our contributions pales in comparison to the amount of work Zaydos puts out.

I suck at writing prices for items, and items in general. If it were templates or something I would be producing far more stuff. But yeah, Zaydos is good at this stuff. I did also make a few artifacts in the last thread like this, so that's a thing.

[YossarianLives]

well that's some thing use full but can you explain how I can use this for warlock who deals 65d8 damage per round an 2 levels spare to dip any class( not including the harbinger)

Sorry I don't quite understand what you mean. Could you please clarify?

If you're saying that it's probably not worth a valuable magic item slot I agree with you.

[IZ42]

Sorry I don't quite understand what you mean. Could you please clarify?

If you're saying that it's probably not worth a valuable magic item slot I agree with you.

He's saying he doesn't care about knowledge, he just wants damage.

[Blackhawk748]

He's saying he doesn't care about knowledge, he just wants damage.

Hes pretty much the Mailman incarnate, though i think its kinda a spiffy item

[Jormengand]

I suppose I was obliged to do this:

Playgrounder Cursed Items

These items masquerade as the Playgrounder's non-cursed equivalent. They appear to all inspection (Short of a very few effects that reveal cursed items, such as Analyse Item) to be that item until the curse is revealed - which occurs (for those items which actually reveal their curses; some simply activate them) on any attempt to wear or use the item, assuming the curse would actually have any effect (For example, Elric's Bracers of Ineffectiveness only reveal their curse if worn by a martial initiator).

Once the curse is revealed, the item can't be removed without a Remove Curse spell, after which they must be discarded immediately if one is to be rid of them. If they are discarded and picked back up, if no attempt is made to wear or use them, then they do not rebind themselves to the creature who carries them until they for whatever reason reactivate the curse. Items that do not reveal their functions can simply be discarded and their wearer be none the wiser.

Where a question mark is placed in one of the fields, it means that no value is specified for the original item. Because cursed items pretend to be another sort of item, these qualities usually defer to the original item, only being made anew when there is no original value to be called upon. If the original item is later updated, use the values given there.

Many items such as the Mask of the Servant and Khadgar's Bracelet of Falsehood may be almost as useful as the original to the wearer if they divine the item's true effect, due to the fact that they will always tell falsehoods. If they are revealed for what they truly are, they will instead of consistently giving incorrect answers start to alternate between truth and falsehood either at random or to most confound their user. Similarly, some items become useful for other reasons, and can be used, for example, to cast spells for you. Anyone who tries to abuse an item in this manner finds it strangely inert and useless.

Afgn's Cap of Wilderness Death [Cursed]
Price: 1000 GP
Body Slot: Head
Caster Level: 9th
Aura: Moderate Divination (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 1/4 lb

This cap appears to be Afgn's Cap of Wilderness Survival, even when used, but instead of finding hiding spots, water and food, finds the most dangerous locations in its five-mile range. It will declare each of those dangerous locations to be helpful in a believable way for the location, but not necessarily in a way that actually has anything to do with the threat. A pack of wolves might show up as cookable wolf meat, but it could easily appear as a natural cave which could be used to hide. The cap is devious enough to tell the wearer that a cave full of angry badgers is actually empty, or that poisonous berries are edible, but anything that is obviously unsafe to a viewer may be presented as anything.

Anchovies' Vest of Mistakes [Cursed]
Price: 8,000 GP
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 5th
Aura: Weak Necromancy (Actually Enchantment and Necromancy)
Weight: 0.25 lb per remaining charge.

This appears to be Anchovies' Vest of Bones, and even works as one, but as the wearer uses more and more charges, they start to become obsessed with mistakes, and the making of them. After a few uses, they may research historical mistakes, and vow revenge on those who laugh at their own mistakes. When they use more and more of them, they may become devoted to pulling someone into a mistake, and - if nonlawful nongood - may commit crimes related to mistakes, which will inevitably make the authorities look bad. When they near the end of the robe, they may become so obsessed with pulling someone else into a mistake that they forget their own mistake. By the time the last bone is thrown, everyone hopes never to hear of such things as mistakes ever again.

(This had more to do with the name I wish I could have given the item, but knew I couldn't because everyone would have made immature jokes about it, than anything to do with the actual person. I don't know if you get the reference.)

Atemu's Chalice of Malice [Cursed]
Price: 30,000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 11th
Aura: Moderate Enchantment and Necromancy (Actually Enchantment and Necromancy)
Weight: 1 lb

While its status as a cursed item is dubious, and it doesn't lock itself in the user's possession nor require a Remove Curse spell to end, this item does look like Atemu's Cup, though it actually has the opposite effect, increasing the wearer's wisdom but reducing attack, damage, save, skill and ability checks, and also reducing their actual caster level (Unlike the Cup, which only affects caster level checks, the chalice actually affects caster level). Again, both effects dissipate when the chalice is supped from again, although legends tell of Atemu the Wise who lost the chalice one day and now sits on his throne in the Playground of Giants with an eternally-increasing wisdom score and no actual ability to do anything with it. The legend, however, is generally considered by scholars to be no more than hearsay.

Blackhawk's Sanguine Tabard [Cursed]
Price: 300 GP
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 3rd
Aura: Weak Abjuration (Actually Necromancy)
Weight: 1/2 lb

While this appears to be Blackhawk's Blood Repelling Tabard, it actually attracts blood to it, and doubles bleed damage taken by the wearer as well as damage dealt by bleeding thereupon.

Boots of Frostbite [Cursed]
Price: 30,000
Body Slot: Feet
Caster Level: 6th
Aura: Moderate Transmutation (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 1 lb

These boots appear to be Boots of the Frozen City, and actually function as such unless someone tries to use them on ice. They suffer 4d6 points of cold damage instantly and are frozen to the ground, unable to move from the space they occupy short of teleportation. Each round they are frozen to the ground they take another 2d6 points of cold damage. They can only be unfrozen by dealing them at least 10 points of fire damage at their feet in one round, in which case they will be frozen again after being given only one round of respite from the cold, or by removing the curse, in which case they will thaw out in 1d6 rounds, during which they take no more damage from the boots. Obviously, the curse only reinstates itself if the boots are still equipped after the character is thawed fully. Each two points of fire damage that the wearer takes in this time reduces that time by 1 round.

Eggynack's Collar of Human Fallibility [Cursed]
Price: 5000 GP
Body Slot: Throat
Caster Level: 5th
Aura: Weak Divination (Actually Illusion)
Weight: 1 lb

When the wearer of what appears to be Eggynack's Collar of Bestial Eloquence tries to speak while not in their wild shape, it prevents any sound from coming out. Truenamers have an 80% chance to be able to utter successfully anyway, due to their The Universe Hears Just Fine ability. Spells, however, are ruined by this effect. The collar has no effect when the creature wild shapes, but still doesn't merge into their body.

Eggynack's Feather Token: Blighter [Cursed]
Price: 20,000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 11th
Aura: Strong Conjuration (Actually Conjuration)
Weight: -

This feather token looks like Eggynack's Feather Token: Druid, but actually summons a blighter of ECL 8 who spends the next minute trying to kill the user before returning to where he came from.

Elric's Bracers of Ineffectiveness [Cursed]
Price: 30,000 GP
Body Slot: Arms
Caster Level: 15th
Aura: Strong Divination
Weight: 1 lb

These bracers appear to be Elric's Bracers of Initiation, but actually reduce the wearer's Initiator Level to one quarter of its normal value.

Fel's Tome of Servitude [Cursed]
Price: 30,000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 20th
Aura: Strong Conjuration (Actually Conjuration)
Weight: 3 lb

This book appears to be a Fel's Tome of Fiends, but in reality, attempting to use it as one will bind the user to the service of a fiend of the type the user intended to summon for 24 hours. That said, you need only serve that creature for 20 rounds (as the effect of a gate spell used to call you, only if such a spell could control a specific, named creature), but they retain that ability for 24 hours. The creature probably won't call upon your service just to kill you or waste your life unless it has a genuinely good reason.

Gauntlets of Confusion [Cursed]
Price: 40,000 GP
Body Slot: Hands
Caster Level: 12th
Aura: Strong Conjuration or Transmutation (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 1 lb

These appear to be Gauntlets of Xuldarinar or Lord Gareth's Gauntlets of the Sublime Craftsman, but anyone who tries to use them is lost in the item's complexity and is Confused until the item is removed.

Glove of the Fiery Blast [Cursed]
Price: 1,000 GP
Body Slot: Hands
Caster Level: 5th
Aura: Weak Conjuration? (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 1 lb

This glove looks like a Glove of the Snowy Bluff, but actually immolates itself when the wearer tries to produce a snowball. It deals 2d6 points of fire damage to the wearer and destroys itself.

Good Wolf's Collar [Cursed]
Price: 6000 GP
Body Slot: Neck
Caster Level: 7th
Aura: Moderate Transmutation
Weight: 1 lb

When this collar is attached to an animal, one would assume from all prior inspection that it functioned as a Bad Wolf's Collar. In reality, the creature thus equipped immediately becomes a magical beast with 4 intelligence if it was an animal (Its intelligence isn't affected if it was already a magical beast), and immediately retrains all its animal hit dice into Paladin levels before becoming convinced that the creature trying to collar them was evil and trying to smite them. It's clever enough to heal itself with Lay on Hands, and cast spells, if it has the Charisma to do the former and the Wisdom to do the latter, as well as enough levels to do either. The creature returns to its former status if it slays its target, breaks its Paladin code, or becomes the subject of a Remove Curse on either it or its bracelet.

Hecuba's Book of Necessary Detail (Note: Not a cursed item)
Price: 25,000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 7th
Aura: Moderate Enchantment and Transmutation
Weight: 1 lb

Instead of a Blessed Book, a Hecuba's Book of Excruciating Minutiae might appear as one of these. This genuine book allows a spellcaster to write spells much as a Blessed Book does, but they may choose to write extra pertinent details, increasing the save DC of any spell prepared from the book by 2. However, this does take up twice as much room and materials, though the user can simply record the spell normally anyway.

Honest Tiefling's Badge of No, Really, I Actually Am Good This Time [Cursed]
Price: 5,000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 2nd
Aura: Weak Abjuration (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: -

When someone tries to use this unwieldily-named badge as the Honest Tiefling's Badge of I'm Good, Honest as which it appears, it really does change their alignment to good if they were evil. It still doesn't change neutral creatures' alignments.

Honest Tiefling's Mustache of Dishonest Good [Cursed]
Price: 20,000 GP
Body Slot: Face
Caster Level: 9th
Aura: Moderate Transmutation (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: -

This mustache appears to be an Honest Tiefling's Mustache of Honest Evil, save that attempting to attach it to an evil creature's face in the normal manner shifts their alignment instantly to Chaotic Good. Wearing the Mustache has no actual effect (and it can be removed normally), and while a Remove Curse spell will revert the alignment change, the creature has no desire to achieve this - indeed, they are happy with their new-found goodness and possibly-new-found chaos.

Illyahr's Cloak of the Three Stooges [Cursed]
Price: 20,000 GP
Body Slot: Shoulders
Caster Level: 8th
Aura: Moderate Enchantment and Transmutation (Actually Enchantment and Transmutation)
Weight: 1 lb

This cloak appears to be Illyahr's Cloak of the Strolling Bard, but instead makes you fail any attempt to use Bardic Music, wasting that use of the ability.

Illyahr's Lute of Violent Explosions [Cursed]
Price: 20,000
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 5th (Appears 5th or 3rd)
Aura: Weak Enchantment (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 1.5-2 lbs

This lute appears as one of Illyahr's other Lutes, but when attempt is made to play it, the Lute casts Fireball (CL 5 DC 15) on itself, wasting the bardic music attempt, if any, that was spent, and destroying the Lute. Idly strumming the strings doesn't cause it to fireball itself, only a serious attempt to play it.

Inuyasha's Cape of Auto-ignition [Cursed]
Price: 5,000 GP
Body Slot: Body
Caster Level: 15th
Aura: Strong Abjuration (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 1 lb

When the cape is donned, it automatically deals 5d6 points of fire damage to the wearer and sets them ablaze. The cloak itself is destroyed, but until then it appears to be an Inuyasha's Robe of the Fire Rat.

Inuyasha's Glasses of Blindness [Cursed]
Price: 5,000 GP
Body Slot: Face
Caster Level: 5th
Aura: Weak Enchantment (Actually Necromancy)
Weight: -

The wearer of these glasses - apparently Inuyasha's Glasses of the Jinx - is instead struck blind. The glasses can be taken off, unlike other items of their calibre, but a Remove Curse spell is still required to end the effect - the likes of Remove Blindness won't cut it.

Iz's Sash of Enamour Monster [Cursed]
Price: 15,000 GP
Body Slot: Waist
Caster Level: 12th
Aura: Strong Enchantment (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: -

This seems to be an Iz's Sash of Annoy Monster. Using it doesn't actually Annoy creatures who fail their saves, but makes them furiously lustful towards you. Creatures who are sexually incompatible with you get a +4 bonus to their will saves. Those who fail their saves will attempt to copulate with you at the nearest opportunity, though they won't put their lives in danger to do so.

If anyone tries to use the sash while in knowledge of its functions, it will do whichever of Annoying or Enamouring monsters which is most to their deficit, even if that involves some being Annoyed and others Enamoured,

Jormengand's Burden of the Cursed Existence [Cursed]
Price: 50,000 GP
Body Slot: Shoulders
Caster Level: 13th
Aura: Strong Abjuration (Actually Necromancy)
Weight: 1 lb

This item looks just like a Jormengand's Mantle of Curse Reflection, but in reality, any curse that is revealed on the wielder - whether from a spell such as bestow curse, another cursed item, or a [Cursed] spell, the effect is doubled in every way possible except for save DC, which increases by 5 - the damage, duration, reduction in speed, or other effect is doubled. This may make no sense for the specific curse, in which case it's not affected.

Keledrath's Hit-and-Run Valet [Cursed]
Price: 5,000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 5th
Aura: Weak Conjuration (Actually Conjuration)
Weight: 1 lb

This item works much like the Keledrath's automatic Valet which it emulates. However, when attuned to a vehicle, the vehicle will immediately start moving autonomously and attempt to run down the user of the item, much as an animated object of its own size, until it or the box is destroyed. The box has hardness 5, 50 hit points, and is fine so has an AC of 8.

Khadgar's Bracelet of Falsehood [Cursed]
Price: 10,000 GP
Body Slot: Wrists
Caster Level: 12th
Aura: Strong Divination (Actually Divination)
Weight: 1/4 lb

This bracelet looks like a Khadgar's Bracelet of Secrets, but will actually give the wrong answer.

Lord Gareth's Mantle of Beast Emulation [Cursed]
Price: 50,000 GP
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 14th
Aura: Strong Transmutation (Actually Transmutation)
Weight: 1 lb

Whenever the wearer of this item, which looks like Lord Gareth's Fur Mantle of Beast Slaying, kills an animal, the wearer transforms into that animal for 24 hours. They must take a fortitude save or the transformation is permanent, a reflex save or deal 1d6 damage to themselves accidentally as they suddenly transform, and a will save or take on the mental characteristics of the animal. All these saves are DC 20. Even a permanent transformation can be removed as any other curse, and the mental characteristics are reverted when the user is returned to their original form. The mantle won't transform someone into a form that is more powerful (for the wearer's purposes - it won't usually have any effect on druids with the Natural Spell feat who slay powerful creatures, for example, but it might do so for a wizard without that feat killing the same creature).

For the duration, any spell which would alter the wearer's form in a beneficial manner fails, even if the wearer is transformed in another manner first.

Lug's Badge of the Nonentity [Cursed]
Price: - (Artifact)
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: -
Aura: Moderate Enchantment and Transmutation (Actually Overwhelming Necromancy)
Weight: 0.1 lb

While this badge may look like Lug's Badge of the Custodian, wearing it causes any character of or below 3rd level to be cut from reality, much like the effects of an Unname spell. The rest of their equipment disappears with them, save for artifacts which are restored to where they were before the character gained them - including the badge itself.

Lug's Broom of Animated Attack [Cursed]

This Broom of Animated Attack looks like Lug's Broom of Command, and so works a little differently from others of its ilk, simply knocking the user prone in their own square rather than dropping them on their head. It then proceeds to attack them like any other Broom of Animated Attack might.

Marlowe's Fuku of Fuuuuuuu... *Boom!* [Cursed]
Price: 18,000
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 11th
Aura: Moderate Evocation and Necromancy (Actually Evocation only)
Weight: 1 lb

This appears to be Marlowe's Fuku of Fiery Purification, but actually simply blows up when donned, dealing 5d6 fire and 5d6 force damage to the wearer and those within 20 feet, though those in range other than the wearer halve the damage with a DC 20 reflex save. The wearer falls prone and the Fuku is destroyed.

Mask of the Servant [Cursed]
Price: 11,000 GP
Body Slot: Face
Caster Level: 7th?
Aura: Moderate Divination? (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 1 lb

This mask appears to be a Mask of the Master, but actually does nothing, except that you get a DC 10 wisdom check to notice something amiss only when there is in fact nothing amiss - that is, you can only take a check to notice something's up if there isn't; the mask will give you the wrong information.

Milo's Comms of Catastrophe [Cursed]
Price: 4,000 GP
Body Slot: Head
Caster Level: 7th
Aura: Moderate Divination (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 1 lb

Anyone who tries to use a Comms of Catastrophe as though it were the Milo's Wonder Comm as which it masquerades loses their message, and rather than receiving one back, receives a fabricated message based on whatever will get them into most trouble (or a random message out of those that make sense in the situation if the Comms' cursed nature has been revealed).

If tested outside of a critical situation, the Comms work normally.

Neo's Helm of Automatic Escape (Note: Not a cursed item)
Price: 50,000 GP
Body Slot: Head
Caster Level: 9th
Aura: Moderate Conjuration
Weight: 3 lb

NeoPheonix's Helm of Erratic Teleportation will sometimes masquerade as this more benign item. When the wielder would be slain by an attack, or up to five times per day as an immediate action, the helm will teleport the wearer horizontally in a random direction 9d100 miles (Dodging handily any attack being made on them). The automatic effect of the helm does not take up its uses per day and will still occur if none are left.

Neo's Pen of Revelation [Cursed]
Price: 10,000
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 9th
Aura: Moderate Transmutation and Conjuration (Actually Divination and Conjuration)
Weight: - lb

This appears to be NeoPheonix's Quill of Forgery, and retains the teleportation ability. However, when it is used to forge a document, the creature that is supposed to be duped will instantly be alerted of the fact that the document is a forgery, who made it, where that creature is, and how the recipient came to know this (id est the involvement of the pen). The pen works normally on creatures checking how well the document has been forged, and can't be used to send additional information in messages - it will only reveal who made the document and where they are if they earnestly attempted to deceive the recipient.

Peanut of Malfunctioning [Cursed]

This Living Peanut Statue works normally when used to entangle creatures. Attempting to transform it into a dragon will cause the dragon to go berserk, and try to kill the user. It will always be at full strength as though 6 charges were used and lasts until slain, when it is destroyed.

Powder of Apparent Obsession (Note: Not a cursed item)

This Powder of Obsession works like any other. It's just not cursed, and doesn't therefore appear like Dust of Appearance, so the user knows just what they're getting into when they use it.

Powder of Magnesium [Cursed]
Price: 200
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 3rd
Aura: Weak Transmutation (Actually Weak Illusion)
Weight: 3 lb

Despite its name, this powder is actually Magnesium Oxide. It appears to be Powder of Dysprosium but really does no more than waste the user's standard action when thrown.

Prufrock's Boots of the Shortrider [Cursed]
Price: 1,000 GP
Body Slot: Feet
Caster Level: 3rd
Aura: Weak Conjuration (Actually Necromancy)
Weight: 2 lb

These boots appear to be Prufrock's Boots of the Longrider, but attempting to ride a creature while wearing them will give both rider and mount the Exhausted condition. The mount can remove it by resting, but the rider must first be alleviated of the curse, and then rest. Upon removal of the curse, the boots function simply as nonmagical boots; they lose all magical properties including their aura.

Red Fel's Commoner Kill-O-Matic [Cursed]
Price: 2000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 1st?
Aura: Weak Conjuration? (Actually Conjuration)
Weight: 1 lb

This cage appears just like Red Fel's Kitten Cage, and even works the same way, but the resultant cat will always attempt to attack you. That cat resents being trapped in a cage and being thrown up to thirty feet, okay?

Rigged Psygrenade [Cursed]

This is actually a Psygrenade and not even the most potent special abilities can discern that it has been tampered with. It will always explode in its wielder's hand when attempt is made to use it.

Sashimono of Falling [Cursed]
Price: 10,000
Body Slot: None (Worn on pole on back)
Caster Level: 7th
Aura: Moderate Abjuration (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 3 lb

This Sashimono appears much like a Sashimono of Paladinic Loyalty, but has a terrible effect on those with codes of conduct. Members of classes such as Druid, Paladin, and others with some kind of code to obey are instantly considered to have violated it the moment such a banner is worn. The banner can be removed normally, unlike other cursed items, though its effects can't be removed with a Remove Curse spell. An Atonement spell works fine, and the creature needn't repent to free the caster of an experience component; all they did wrong, after all, was to be ignorant of curses.

Segev's Balm of Bodily Reanimation [Cursed]
Price: 4,000
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 13th
Aura: Strong Conjuration (Actually Necromancy. Are you happy, Zaydos?)
Weight: 1 lb

This appears to be Segev's Balm of Bodily Restoration, but actually turns the creature on which it is used to a zombie of its own hit dice that attacks the user until destroyed.

Segev's Periapt of the Wight Apocalypse [Cursed]
Price: 40,000 GP
Body Slot: Throat
Caster Level: 15th (Appears 3rd)
Aura: Weak Abjuration (Actually Strong Necromancy)
Weight: 0.5 lbs

The wearer of what appears to be Segev's Periapt of the Ghoul Walker actually takes a single negative level every round they wield it. These negative levels aren't removed when the curse is, but only actually last 15 hours and so they don't result in permanent level loss. A creature who is slain by level loss while wearing the Periapt is instantly turned into a wight - they don't even hit the ground.

Undead creatures get temporary hit points for wearing the Periapt as normal.

Shard of Mental Destruction [Cursed]
Price: 25,000 GP
Body Slot: Head
Caster Level:12th?
Aura: Strong Telepathy
Weight: 1 lb

When someone attempts to use this, which appears as a Shard of the Fractured Mind, their intelligence, wisdom and charisma are reduced to 1 until the curse is removed.

Snowbluff's mask of Self-Deceit [Cursed]
Price: 12,000 GP
Body Slot: Face
Caster Level: 7th
Aura: Moderate Evocation (Actually Enchantment and Illusion.)
Weight: 1 lb

The mask appears to be some kind of Snowbluff's Mask of Sublime Wrath even after it is equipped, and the user is convinced that they have successfully executed a maneuver whenever they attempt to use this effect. They still waste their smite.

Because it costs less than a real version of the mask, it is often sold by unscrupulous shopkeepers wishing to save themselves a small fortune on the difference.

Socratov's Stein of Madness [Cursed]
Price: 10,000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 5th
Aura: Weak Enchantment (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 1 1/2 lb

This appears to be Socratov's Stein of Poetry, but the drinker is actually Confused for 2d6 rounds regardless of how many have drunk from it today.

Somensjev's Bottle of Being a Dragon (Note: Not a cursed item)
Price: 5,000 GP
Body Slot: None
Caster Level: 15th
Aura: Strong Transmutation
Weight: 2 lb

Rather than a potion of Enlarge Person, a Somensjev's Bottle of Transformation might appear as this item.

When imbibed, the contents of the bottle turn the wearer into a dragon of their own hit dice for 1 minute, as a Polymorph Any Object spell.

Tabard of Invasiveness [Cursed]
Price: 10,000 GP
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 12th
Aura: Strong Transmutation (Actually Divination)
Weight: 1/2 lb

This tabard looks like a Tabard of the Invader, but will actually sneakily detach itself and go snooping off on its own after being worn for 1d6 rounds. It moves with a 100 ft fly speed (Perfect), and will inform anyone it meets of random stuff about its wearer for no good reason.

Threadnaught's Bag of Dangerous Objects [Cursed]
Price: 1,000 GP
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 9th
Aura: Moderate Conjuration (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 1/2 lb

Whenever a creature reaches into this bag to remove an item, thinking it to be a Threadnaught's Bag of Mundane Objects, they accidentally withdraw a random CR 2 trap instead. They won't draw any type of trap that wouldn't make sense to be in a bag, such as a pit trap. The trap immediately activates and then breaks. Anyone so bold or so foolish as to keep attempting to retrieve objects is faced with a new trap each time. The broken traps are utterly wrecked, and no amount of effort, mundane or magical, will restore them to a usable condition.

Tiefling Tail of Tripping [Cursed]
Price: 10,000
Body Slot: Belt
Caster Level: 5th
Aura: Weak Abjuration and Transmutation.
Weight: 1 lb

Whenever the wearer of this belt, which appears to be a Tiefling Tail of Balance, nay, actually functions as one until the curse is revealed, enters combat in earnest, the tail will attempt to trip them each round (+10 attack +10 trip). The belt stops tripping them when the combat ends, but never regains its former powers of Balance, and will trip them in the next combat, unless removed.

Unseenmage's Monkey of Animated Attack [Cursed]

This Unseenmage's Copper Monkey is a genuine article, but malfunctions and attacks the user when activated.

WhamBam's Gorget of the Draconic Assassin [Cursed]
Price: 100,000 GP
Body Slot: Throat
Caster Level: 17th
Aura: Strong Enchantment (Actually Conjuration)
Weight: 2 lb

This appears to be WhamBam's Gorget of Draconic Command, but if anyone attempts to use it as such an Adult Red Dragon is called within 50 feet of them. It attempts to slay them until it is slain or the curse is lifted, either of which removes the item and returns the dragon whence it came.

Vaz's Belt of Disturbing Presence [Cursed]
Price: 20,000 GP
Body Slot: Waist
Caster Level: 7
Aura: Moderate Enchantment (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 1 lb

This seems to be a Belt of Calming Presence, but actually makes you really creepy. Creatures within 20 feet of you feel compelled to drive you away and dissociate with you unless they pass the DC 20 will save.

Vest of Unstacking [Cursed]
Price: 20,000 GP
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 12th
Aura: Strong Transmutation (Actually Transmutation)
Weight: 1 lb

The wearer of this vest finds that bonuses no longer stack for him, regardless of their source. For example, someone wearing the Vest of Unstacking, full plate, and a tower shield as well as having 12 dexterity only actually has an armour class of 19, as is their flat-footed armour class, and their touch armour class is 11.

Penalties, regardless of their source, stack for the wearer. For example, a creature under two separate Bestow Curse spells would take the effects twice.

V's Restful Handkerchief [Cursed]
Price: 300,000
Body Slot: -
Caster Level: 13th
Aura: Strong Universal (Actually Enchantment and Transmutation)
Weight: 0.15 lb, and not a pennyweight more.

Whenever a creature tries to use this handkerchief for the magical effects promised by its supposed existence as a V's Restless Handkerchief, they are immediately exhausted, fall asleep, and are paralysed. They can simply be woken up, and the paralysis can be cured by effects which cure paralysis as normal, but they require twice as much sleep as normal (Meaning 2 hours to reduce exhausted to fatigued and 16 to remove it entirely or to prepare their new spells) and removing the curse is necessary to remove the handkerchief, also removing the doubling of sleeping times but not curing the conditions inflicted on the would-be-user.

Zaydos' Malevolent Witchcap [Cursed]
Price: None (Artifact)
Body Slot: Head
Caster Level: None.
Aura: Intense Conjuration (Actually Necromancy)
Weight: 1.5 lb

Anyone who dons the Malevolent Witchcap - the evil twin of Zaydos' Wonderous Witchcap - automatically has their soul sucked into it with no saves of any kind allowed. Zaydos usually uses these souls to craft wonderous items more cheaply. A creature without a soul is simply rendered inanimate instead.

[Extra Anchovies]

Anchovies' Vest of Mistakes [Cursed]
Price: 8,000 GP
Body Slot: Torso
Caster Level: 5th
Aura: Weak Necromancy (Actually Enchantment and Necromancy)
Weight: 0.25 lb per remaining charge.

This appears to be Anchovies' Vest of Bones, and even works as one, but as the wearer uses more and more charges, they start to become obsessed with mistakes, and the making of them. After a few uses, they may research historical mistakes, and vow revenge on those who laugh at their own mistakes. When they use more and more of them, they may become devoted to pulling someone into a mistake, and - if nonlawful nongood - may commit crimes related to mistakes, which will inevitably make the authorities look bad. When they near the end of the robe, they may become so obsessed with pulling someone else into a mistake that they forget their own mistake. By the time the last bone is thrown, everyone hopes never to hear of such things as mistakes ever again.

(This had more to do with the name I wish I could have given the item, but knew I couldn't because everyone would have made immature jokes about it, than anything to do with the actual person. I don't know if you get the reference.)

Oooh, that's pretty great. Fits well with my tendency to make careless errors, too

[IZ42]

Sweet dark plains of Abaddon, Jorm. You're insane.

[Karl Aegis]

Still useful more than half the time ~

[Marlowe]

Spoiler

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