[3.5/PF] GitP Regulars as NPCs

[NeoPhoenix0]

So... uh... is anyone going to do the thing that this ting is here for?

I'm waiting for the updated info, Then i'll look into it. So start smiting Smity-sensei.

edit: if it wasn't clear, which i can see why, that means you need to start cracking the whip on LP.

Yeah... I'm not even a retired professional adventurer. Not a fan of the stuff - adventure makes one late for dinner, you know. Big fan of adventurers, though. Do all sorts of odd jobs, don't expect pay until after, no hazard pay required, almost never expect inevitable betrayal... Sturdy lot, adventurers.

I'm a high-level quest-giving NPC who doubles as a major plot element, thank you very much.

... Speaking of...

Oh yeah, so entertaining. You can always rely on adventurers to find that one random thing you did that never amounted to much and start making a big deal out of it. Gotta love it when the entertainment comes from a forgotten project or a plan that was deemed a lost cause for inciting anything.

edit: i need to make time to start running that game with the weeping angel-esque crab statues again.

[Marlowe]

Spoiler: Everyone is mine to torment.

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[LoyalPaladin]

Don't you have interns for that?

You're right. You're hired. Good luck on the sweep, intern!
-LoyalPaladin
Hiring Manager
GitP Regulars A.S.

Exactly, who doesn't have a couple of slavesinterns round for these kinds of uses?

I now have one.

So... uh... is anyone going to do the thing that this ting is here for?

Once I get a chance to do anything other than paperwork!

Space/Reach: Bishounen/armslength

Best part of the whole thing.

[Yael]

I would post builds if I got any idea about e.e

But the gundam chat was entertaining ;)

[Marlowe]

So... uh... is anyone going to do the thing that this ting is here for?

Make me.

Spoiler: Moving on.

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Be nice or I'll make the kitten a recurring villain.

[IZ42]

You're right. You're hired. Good luck on the sweep, intern!
-LoyalPaladin
Hiring Manager
GitP Regulars A.S.

As Regional Manager, I hereby promote you to Sub-Regional Manager and offload my work onto you.

[illyahr]

I'm a professional plot-guide. All those times someone uses Gather Information? One of my guys had the info for you. All those times the barkeep 'just happened' to know where the plot-critical next step was? He was working for me. Keeping adventurers going in the right direction is a full-time gig, and a thankless one at that.

[LoyalPaladin]

As Regional Manager, I hereby promote you to Sub-Regional Manager and offload my work onto you.

I'm sorry, my people need me where I am. I'll have to turn down this promotion.

[Threadnaught]

I'm sorry, my people need me where I am. I'll have to turn down this promotion.

Unfortunately, I have several documents here that declare you must take the promotion and the Red Fel may work in an environment more habitable for Evil creatures. I just need Red Fel's signature here, then you're promoted. Don't worry, it comes with a 20% increase to your pay.. Along with 400% more work.
Failure to comply after signing will be cause for instant dismissal, though we'd be willing to rehire you for 70% of your current income.

[LoyalPaladin]

Unfortunately, I have several documents here that declare you must take the promotion and the Red Fel may work in an environment more habitable for Evil creatures. I just need Red Fel's signature here, then you're promoted. Don't worry, it comes with a 20% increase to your pay.. Along with 400% more work.
Failure to comply after signing will be cause for instant dismissal, though we'd be willing to rehire you for 70% of your current income.

Well, considering I am making nothing... being fire and then rehired for 70% extra doesn't sound like a big deal. 70% of zero is still zero.

Also, I've maxed Sense Motive. You're forged documents mean nothing to me.

[illyahr]

Well, considering I am making nothing... being fire and then rehired for 70% extra doesn't sound like a big deal. 70% of zero is still zero.

Also, I've maxed Sense Motive. You're forged documents mean nothing to me.

Don't worry, LP. I may have a friend who may have made some adjustments to your payroll documents. You may want someone to double check them as you may be entitled to back pay.

Just a thought.

[Threadnaught]

Well, considering I am making nothing... being fire and then rehired for 70% extra doesn't sound like a big deal. 70% of zero is still zero.

Also, I've maxed Sense Motive. You're forged documents mean nothing to me.

How dare you?

These are official documents from one of my shell companies that we outsourced all work to from Legal Department.

Interns can so easily mess up a carefully crafted plan by just being misinformed. Best not to use them when all you need to do is sit back and while you read everyone elses mail for educational and business related purposes.. Nah you're already a thorn in my side now you know you're working for free, I mustn't give away other methods.

[Sagetim]

How dare you?

These are official documents from one of my shell companies that we outsourced all work to from Legal Department.

Interns can so easily mess up a carefully crafted plan by just being misinformed. Best not to use them when all you need to do is sit back and while you read everyone elses mail for educational and business related purposes.. Nah you're already a thorn in my side now you know you're working for free, I mustn't give away other methods.

*Disintigrates the pile of documents* So, I'm here to apply to be head of the Mysterious Old Wizards department. After all, someone has to train and deploy all the mysterious bearded men that dispense with mystical advice and seem to arrive just in the nick of time to save low level adventurers so they can learn some wisdom. Don't let the complete lack of arcane spells fool you, I don't need those to train wizards. Also, some of them will be extra mysterious because they'll be psions posing as wizards.

[atemu1234]

Can I be InterCult relations?

[Snowbluff]

Oh, well....remember: You asked for it. And mentioned Snowflame as your inspiration/father to the account name.

Snowbluff
Divine Mind (Cocaine Jaguar) 5/Pyrokineticist 7

Base Attack/Grapple: +8/+coming to grips with a cocaine jaguar spirit

Treasure: multiple jaguar statuettes made of pressure sculpted cocaine. Also some magic gear probably. A ring of mind shielding

Excellent.

It's not entirely correct, but it's humorous and on track.

Can I be InterCult relations?

No, we only have 1 cult and it's mutually exclusive with all of the others, TYVM.

[atemu1234]

No, we only have 1 cult and it's mutually exclusive with all of the others, TYVM.

Don't make me start a competing enterprise.

[Blackhawk748]

Don't make me start a competing enterprise.

Excuse me... *heads into underground lair bunker*

[atemu1234]

Excuse me... *heads into underground lair bunker*

If it comes to that, nothing short of death will spare you. No, not even that.

[NeoPhoenix0]

Don't make me start a competing enterprise.

And thus began the cult of ten.

[Blackhawk748]

If it comes to that, nothing short of death will spare you. No, not even that.

Oh good, i work for her.

[Marlowe]

Spoiler: See, it's nothing like Deadpool.

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Deadpool thinks in Yellow boxes. Totally different.

EDIT: Today we learn that covering up a crude technique with something cruder looks crude. Stupid Marlowe. Cleaned some panels.

[Marlowe]

I am become death, the destroyer of threads.

Spoiler: In which we discover that making Haman watch Evangelion wasn't the brightest of ideas.

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Mashmyre and Haman met when they were about 12 years old. She beat him at video games and he became eternally devoted to her. Because that's the sort of thing that happens in real life. If you're very lucky.

[Jormengand]

So...

I spend a couple of days without internet, and this happens? The whole jaguar malarkey is the closest anyone's got to statting anyone out!

[Sagetim]

So...

I spend a couple of days without internet, and this happens? The whole jaguar malarkey is the closest anyone's got to statting anyone out!

It's not malarkey...it's based on the Snowflame webcomic.

[NeoPhoenix0]

So...

I spend a couple of days without internet, and this happens? The whole jaguar malarkey is the closest anyone's got to statting anyone out!

I am waiting for a list. Also, thinking about what to stay some people as.

[Yael]

So...

I spend a couple of days without internet, and this happens? The whole jaguar malarkey is the closest anyone's got to statting anyone out!

I was also expecting some statting, but gundam and webcomics took over the thread.

[Zaydos]

What are Helm's and Asmodeus's domains?

[Snowbluff]

What are Helm's and Asmodeus's domains?

House of the Triad and the Ninth Layer of Hell?

[Sagetim]

What are Helm's and Asmodeus's domains?

Helm sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He sees when you do bad and good and shakes his head all day.

Spoiler: Helm bashing

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As I recall, Helm is Lawful Neutral to the most offensive degree possible. Even to the point of endangering the world by threatening the existence of the weave by not letting mystra do her thing as a god during the time of troubles. I'm willing to bet he was the cause of the spell plague too. Maybe something like 'oh, well, we did our due process...which for faerun gods basically boils down to a lot of finger pointing and complaining until someone comes up with a poorly constructed argument that none of us can counter because none of us know how argumentation works. So I'm going to execute mystra because she got blamed for doing a thing she didn't do and it's my job as the god of lawful neutral to follow the letter of our dumb laws instead of any kind of interpretation or intent.'

So my view might be a little colored on Helm. His domains are probably: Law, Neutrality, Rules-As-Written-Enforcement, Destruction, and Protection. I'll look up his actual domains now, it was more fun to snark first.

Helm:
Portfolio: Guardians, Protectors, Protection
Domains: Law, Planning, Protection, Strength
Source: Faiths and Pantheons

Azzy:
Domains: Diabolic, Evil, Law Domains
Source: Book of Vile Darkness

[Xuldarinar]

House of the Triad and the Ninth Layer of Hell?

I can not argue with this response. No one can argue with it. No sane person anyways.