The Depression Thread

[The Great Skenardo]

Aye. If you want to continue this particular debate discussion or anything like it at all, I must ask you to do it via PM; it doesn't need to go here.

Update on my own situation;

I've written an email to my lady friend, but so far I haven't found the nerve to send it. I keep going back to rewrite it and reread it, and each time it doesn't really sound right. I know it'd be better to talk to her in person, but I'm not really sure I'd be able to get my point across as clearly. I think I'll call her again tonight.

[Quincunx]

Guidelines for a respectful conversation
(and avoiding thread lock):

1: People have opinions and emotions. These feelings can be misguided, misanthropic, twisted, bleak, detached from reality, etc. etc. However, a person's right to hold a misguided opinion is never wrong. In fact, using the word 'wrong' to describe the opinion is a good way to ignite a flamewar--people can't always detach themselves from their opinions and emotions, especially in an feelings thread.

1.5: I've said this to a few people in PM already, over several months and a few boards. This time, I'm forsaking targeting it so that I can put it up in public.

2: Most people who post in this thread feel that they have a right to their depression. Discussing whether or not that is a right will almost certainly get us locked.

3: Sometimes, you will miscommunicate. In these threads where we deal with reality instead of jabbering about whatever floats to mind, the consequences of miscommunication are greater. Preview every post. Pause. Turn away for a minute or so. Bring the GitP forums up in another tab/window and log back in before replying, if you fear getting logged out if you take time to review yourself.

3.33: If you review yourself and can't figure out where the miscommunication is coming from, say so. Sometimes that jars loose the information from another person.

3.66: Learn to agree to disagree.

4: Exercise extreme care not to muddle fact with opinion, even if that's the way to win debates--this is not a debate. It's better to take one approach for the entire post and not risk having your post thrown out for rudeness. Stating your opinion as universal fact is offensive.

[Chaszmyr]

Well I feel like unloading so here I go......

I hate most people at my school. They are mostly immature ass wholes obsessed with acting as "Ghetto" as possible, and with their looks. I try to just hang with my friends and avoid them, but my friends hang with them at school. I have always been very open about my geekiness, which hasn't helped me either. I get made fun of about once every ten minutes at school. I am depressed considerabelly more than I am happy. However I never tell anyone because I feel guilty about unloading it onto them. This has eroded my emotional state for a while now, not to mention my mental state. I also have a feer of unloading, and talking about my sadness, because people see me as a happy go-lucky person, and I fear they wont believe me.

That's all from me for now.

Unloading can be a real swine, particularly if you feel that no-one wants to listen or really cares. Even if there are some people out there who will listen, sometimes it's just hard to see them. I am terrible at opening up because for a long while no-one really gave a damn, so it's hard for the people I do know and who would listen because of it. There is very little my husband knows about me or my own illness because of it - it took him 10 years to realise what depression was.

I do know someone else with depression and the issue of being unable to unload - these days he keeps a Blog, and encouraged me to do the same. Having someplace to put how you feel might help a bit, you don't even have to make it public or even keep it on your PC.

[Castaras]

Unloading can be a real swine, particularly if you feel that no-one wants to listen or really cares. Even if there are some people out there who will listen, sometimes it's just hard to see them. I am terrible at opening up because for a long while no-one really gave a damn, so it's hard for the people I do know and who would listen because of it. There is very little my husband knows about me or my own illness because of it - it took him 10 years to realise what depression was.

I do know someone else with depression and the issue of being unable to unload - these days he keeps a Blog, and encouraged me to do the same. Having someplace to put how you feel might help a bit, you don't even have to make it public or even keep it on your PC.

I'll second this. I keep a private(ish) blog which has helped me loads, including giving me a way to tell someone, without loading other people with my problems. Not only that, it helps me relax and stuff, and helps to make me feel more positive, meaning I can leave writing to my blog feeling positive.

[happyturtle]

Hi... I'm new to this thread, not new to depression. I'm 35, and yeah, school sucked. I wouldn't relive my teenage years for anything, and I didn't even have to deal with bullies or any specific unpleasant incident.

I don't have anything of my own to complain about. My username is pretty accurate. I <heart> my antidepressants. They peeled away the extremes of panic/rage/crushing despair, etc, and let me just feel *normal*. I remember the first time I was actually able to be angry without it turning into rage. It didn't feel good at the time, but it was so empowering afterwards to know I had gotten legitimately angry for a good reason without going overboard.

Just know that there is hope. It can get better. It isn't easy, and it isn't quick, and most people (even people who love you and want the best for you) don't understand just how hard it is to get through every day. Depression is tough. But you are tough too--you have to be to have gotten this far.

[zeratul]

Last night I talked to my friend (who has a much better reson to be messed up than I do) about the whole depression thing. Him being both the most empathetic person I know, and best annalasyst I know, already knew. Although it ended up with him saying I should go emo for the chicks, it was cool to unload, and I felt less guilty because we were both unloading.

[Yiel]

The Great Skenardo:

I think in order to make sure things aren't taken the wrong way, that you should write down everything you want to say (use the email?) and read it to her over the phone. That way you should be able to communicate more clearly.

Words on a page can be easily misconstrued. My mother wrote a letter to my father from England while they were dating, and he thought it was a "Dear John" letter. He sold his ute and took the first flight to the UK with a ring... which could have been her intention.

To those suffering the mire of depression:

*hugs*

I'd offer advice here, but all I wanted when I was going through depression was someone to hold me while I just let all the pain pour out.

[Ego Slayer]

Okay, got myself a little bit of a situation here...

My 12-year old cousin is coming up here for the summer from TX on the 9th of June (so I was just told). So, for a couple months she would be here...

Little history before I can get on with my ranting: She's adopted. My former aunt, and uncle are long divorced, and she lives with her "mom" in Texas, and my uncle lives here in Ohio. She's comes up here for the summer often. Now, my house is right next to my grandmother's, my uncle's life is a haphazard mess and he has been living there because he literally has no money to get himself an apartment. Soo... when my cousin comes up here, and my uncle has to work, guess where my she comes? My house.

Now, that would be all cool were it not for the fact that she's staying for a good two months. Last year sort of went like this: She'd come down to my house in the morning, and my uncle wasn't getting home until almost 9pm, sometimes... So, that's five days a week, for a whole day, for weeks. He somehow can not get it through his head that my family can not entertain, and watch his daughter all summer. I do

Might I add than I do like her a lot. She can be really fun, and there are countless inane things we've done together out of boredom. But I can not be inane for hours on end, every day. I don't know what I'm going to do about it this year. I need to be able to make spontaneous decisions to get away, read, write, draw, or just crash here for awhile during the day, like I usually do, without having someone looking over my looking over my shoulder, wondering where am I, what I'm doing, or that she's bored and wants me to do something with her. Now suddenly I'm going to have to figure out how to approach the subject with her. Supposedly my mom is going to be very strict with how many hours she can be here because she's works from home. I was hoping and praying that she wouldn't come this year, or at least only for a few weeks.

Having another person who wants to use the computer, be fed, be made not bored and there is an outright obligation to adapt to this, again. Her life in TX (which I won't get into) is almost a polar opposite to how my family is. There are expectations she has, and a bit of an attitude to go with it. I was hoping for a summer where I have absolutely nothing to do but exactly what I feel like doing... which, hasn't ever really happened before. This isn't going to make me any more depressed, but it's just more stress. And I've got a lot of other things I'm worrying about right now.

What am I gonna do.

I'm not looking, or expecting, answers... I just need to complain somewhere; thankyou you for reading, have a cookie or two.

*feels a little sick, slouches away*

[ocato]

Well, I would consider some solo activity she would really get into. Turn her on to your favorite author, borrow an old snes or something, just maybe give her something to do that involves her being occupied. I know what it is like when you're a 'self entertained' person and you're forced to deal with a 'entertain me' type (my kid sister is an entertain me type, we had quite a childhood) but there isn't a whole lot I can offer as far as suggestions. Sounds rough, sorry to hear it.

[The Great Skenardo]

@The Ego Slayer

Congratulations, you've got yourself a surrogate li'l Sister!

In all seriousness, I can understand something of your plight; One's own time is often the most valuable posession one has. I think Ocato has a good suggestion with the books; if she has any wael that way, by all means take her regularly to the library so that she can load up.
I'm not certain what 'expectations' she has, but I submit that as a guest, she will have to realize that the rules around your own house (as well as a little extra courtesy) are likewise important. Perhaps your mother can explain that to her.
In any case, good luck, have fun, and stay mellow!

[Logic]

Well, force your brother to entertain her. They are about the same age, so they should have something in common. Plus, she is his cousin too, why should taking care of her be solely your responsibility?

[Ego Slayer]

I remember when she was here two summers ago she, my brother and I literally spent hours drawing all sorts of OotS style people.

I dunno about the books... she read a little bit last year, but she's a rabid Anime fangirl now. She can't watch DVDs all day, though. >_<

My brother does as much as he can... she likes being with me a little more, I guess.

Mellow, right... calm... *deep breath* =P

[ocato]

Depending on your local library, you might be able to show her a wealth of non-threatening (ie, fairly clean) manga if books aren't her bag. Drawing is another good idea, but I can see how she'd want someone around to talk to her while she did it or to draw for/with her. Just remember that you can always come vent at us if it gets to be too much (publicly or privately) and that killing children is technically illegal.

[Rex Idiotarum]

Anime fangirl is one step away from Manga Fangirl, all you need is the books to cope with it. At less then ten bucks a pop, you could get her out of your hair. After reading all the manga, turn her onto great works of Novel. And if she's bad after that, unleash the Playstation on her.

On values: Corrupt her, it's the best thing you can do for her. Teach her the ways of the D20.

[Ego Slayer]

She does read some Manga, but there's only so much the library has that she hasn't already read.

Heh... she's flipped through every D&D book I have already.

[Rex Idiotarum]

Then I say consul games, or proconsul games. Tell her to take over Gaul.

[Gralamin]

This is my first time visiting here, and I've got a bit of a depressing problem.

My dog has cancer. We've had him for 6 years, and he is going to be put down on Saturday. This is the first time I've lost a pet, so its understandably hard. Any suggestions on getting through this?

[Logic]

This is my first time visiting here, and I've got a bit of a depressing problem.

My dog has cancer. We've had him for 6 years, and he is going to be put down on Saturday. This is the first time I've lost a pet, so its understandably hard. Any suggestions on getting through this?

Do something special with him. Just go out and play. Have fun, and forget the worries. It will be basically a last goodbye party, but you will look back on it as possibly the fondest memory of your pet.

[dogmac]

Yeah, I agree with Logic. Losing a pet is really hard, but make sure you get some wonderful memories these last few days. Spend time throwing the ball for him, and getting him some fresh mince and buy him a puppaccino (ok, maybe you don't have them there, they are frothed lactose free milk with liver sprinkles on top. My dogs love them) and some frosty paws.

Take lots of photos and get lots of cuddles. And remember how he was when he was not in pain, and know that will soon be the case again.

I feel for you, you are making one of the hardest decisions you can make.

Di

[The Great Skenardo]

Liver...Sprinkles...

You must make an oath now, before man and Bahamut that you will never EVER allow the existence of Livier Sprinkles to become known to anyone else. EVER!

[dogmac]

My dogs would kill me in my sleep if I did that! I cannot make such an oath.

Herbs and liver sprinkles. You get them at Cafe Bones in Sydney

:D

[The Great Skenardo]

But think of the practical jokes, I beg you! Imagine your little brother grinning, a little halo over his head as he proudly hands you an ice cream sundae he made using his own little paws. You accept it a little suspiciously, but then you take a spoonful of vanilla ice cream with...Liver...Sprinkles...

[dogmac]

Aaah, I do not have a little brother, and I am a vegetarian, so those fears are removed for me.

I don't actually keep liver sprinkles in the house. They only get these when I go to Cafe Bones with them (yes, it does exist. http://www.cafebones.com.au)

I do homemade frosty paws sometimes though.

And anyway, how is liver sprinkles worse than garlic powder?

[B-Man]

Not entirely sure if this fits here, but I just have to get this off my chest.

I am afraid to graduate. I don't really know why, but I don't think that I'm ready for the real world. I love this sheltered world of 'free cable internet', 'free bed', and 'free food' (I know that there is no such thing as 'free' in the real world). My grades have been slipping and I don't know why I cannot concentrate on any of my school work. My brain has been permanently turned off, it seems.

And in a second note:

My younger sister has just moved out and I can't help but think that I was one the many 'reasons' that she left. We never got along and she was always challenging my mum's authority. I believe the final straw was when my step-father-to-be answered the phone to some bloke that she was dating again (she had a really rough relationship with this bloke last year and she's back together with him) and he told him to stop controlling my sister's mind. She was furious with that comment. I cannot understand her logic. She was in tears last year because of this bloke and now back with him. She still attends my school, but she will not speak to me in the hallways.

[The Great Skenardo]

@ B-Man
Yeah, leaving the warm comfortable womb of univeristy life can be pretty scary. Depending on your major, it might seem easy or hard to find a job right off.
But the thing is, you knew this was coming the first day you stepped into one of those classrooms. The purpose of attending college was to learn something you can apply 'out there,' am I right?
You may not feel ready for the responsibilities, but you can take things slowly at first. If you can already manage your own finances, then you're a long step towards stable independence. Don't worry; as long as you don't get paralyzed by fear, I'm sure you'll do fine.
As to school work; yeah, it happens. The real thing is to get set up some good study habits. If you have a friend so inclined, you can tuck yourselves away with all your books and things in the lub or in a fast food place and study there, where there's no free internet or free bed to distract you. Gotta concentrate! The last hundred feet of a race are no less important just because they're at the end!

As to sistery things, Unfortunately very few people can accept advice they don't want to hear when it comes to matters of the heart (and other vaguely-connected organs). It takes a lot of trust to do it, and she might not feel like she has that trust in you or your family. I can't really offer you advice on mending such a relationship, as your approach will depend on so many things, but...I would see if you can't mend a few bridges. She may be going through a tough time in her life, so make sure she knows that she can count on you to help, if she needs it.

Good luck.

[Druid_lord]

Hello! I am just coming off of a bout of depression and an as of yet undiagnosed mental disease.(It's either ADHD or bipolar, the symptoms of the two are almost identical) I still sometimes have pretty random mood swings. I am still getting over a pretty bad relationship I was in recently. The girl I was with was very time consuming(she would literally start to cry if I didn't talk to her for three hours a night) And she had me confusing lust with love in no time. As a result I still can't trust my emotions. Also she has been stringing along a lot of my friends the same way. She will say she loves that person, break up with him but still "love " him and also "love her new boyfriend. She ended up really hurting a good friends. I have managed to remain on somewhat friendly terms with her, being the only one who broke up with her, and therefore slightly less damaged. She fells wrthless if she is not in a relationship. She also gets physical way too fast. I am 15 and she was 13, and she intiated a very physical relationhsip with me. For insert diety of choice here 's sake she is 13 and has already lost her virginity (not to me thankfully) Any ideas on how to deal with her or my current emoitnal problems and the stress that triggered my dpression in the first place?

[Closet_Skeleton]

Hello! I am just coming off of a bout of depression and an as of yet undiagnosed mental disease.(It's either ADHD or bipolar, the symptoms of the two are almost identical) I still sometimes have pretty random mood swings. I am still getting over a pretty bad relationship I was in recently. The girl I was with was very time consuming(she would literally start to cry if I didn't talk to her for three hours a night) And she had me confusing lust with love in no time. As a result I still can't trust my emotions. Also she has been stringing along a lot of my friends the same way. She will say she loves that person, break up with him but still "love " him and also "love her new boyfriend. She ended up really hurting a good friends. I have managed to remain on somewhat friendly terms with her, being the only one who broke up with her, and therefore slightly less damaged. She fells wrthless if she is not in a relationship. She also gets physical way too fast. I am 15 and she was 13, and she intiated a very physical relationhsip with me. For insert diety of choice here 's sake she is 13 and has already lost her virginity (not to me thankfully) Any ideas on how to deal with her or my current emoitnal problems and the stress that triggered my dpression in the first place?

I would suggest getting serious help. If that girl is really as bad as you make her sound but you still want to be her friend and help her then you'll have to do a lot of work.

If you could make someone grow up in an instant then I wouldn't have my own problems.

[Druid_lord]

I'm already in therapy, but one of the main problems is i think the girl maybe a sex addict, which means i cant really do anything to help, but i feel like i just need to try at least.

[The Great Skenardo]

@Druidlord
Hmmm. Well, I certainly think it's noble that you want to help her, even after she strung you and your friends along, but I submit that helping her is going to be very, very difficult, even assuming she wants to be helped, or even sees her lifestyle as a problem. Any idea on the attitude her parents have towards their daughter's ways?

[Druid_lord]

They work all the time, which adds to the attention factor, and they are trying somewhat to restrict her activites, but they never really know whats going on.