The Depression Thread

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

All men are on the ladder. That "Not if you were the last man on earth" deal-y is a lie. Now what you have to do is kill everybody above you. Then she'll have to love you.

Ummm...Rex? I respectfully request suggestions like this not occur. I understand the spirit in which you gave it, but people in psychological distress could take something like that to heart. Our goal here is to AVOID creating sociopaths!

[Skippy]

Hey there... Me again... Once again with new troubles just to make your life a bit busier...

OK, I have just screwed everything up...

On Sunday, I went to a Convention that is held up every 6 months over here. I went with a friend of mine who is also friend of hers and there we found another guy who is my friend and also a friend of her boyfriend. He asked me something relative to her boyfriend of which I didn't know anything (nor did I care), but as soon as the other guy could, he ran to his house and asked her whether if what he had heard was or wasn't true. Big mistake no. 1

The next day, she asked me if what the other guy had asked her had really happened, so I told her that it had really happened, and that I was really mad at our friend for telling her. She told me to keep quiet about it but I didn't hear it. Big mistake no. 2

About an hour and a half, I spoke to him and told him he had screwed it all, and that he was really stupid. Then he made the Big Mistake no. 3... He spoke to her and told her she was supposed to keep quiet on their conversation (which they should never have had in the first place), so she went ballistic and told me I was unreliable, because she had told me to keep quiet. Now she's mad at me, her boyfriend found out the whole story and he's also mad at me and we are all mad at the other guy who was really really stupid...

What am I supposed to do now?

[Quincunx]

. . .Our goal here is to AVOID creating sociopaths!

Well, balls. Where're the Curmudgeons for Death and Hypocrisy comedians supposed to post our jokes now? A dead audience is bad. A murderous audience is an occupational hazard!

Silent epidemic - second thread, seven pages, and still flapping on. How about the Epidemic Which Refuses to Take Action One Way or the Other?

[The Great Skenardo]

What am I supposed to do now?

I don't pretent to be able to understand what you've written entirely without the benefit of some sort of flow chart, but it sounds to me as if you've gotten yourself embroiled in a long, complex chain of misunderstandings; one of those things where you might have just dropped a snowball at the top of the peak, but damnation if it didn't cause an avalanche down on the bottom.

So, what to do? You have a few options, I think. First of all, if I understand this right, the crux of the problem is that a rumor was started which was then passed on due to miscommunication.
If you really want to nip this on the bud, then the simplest solution is to apologize to the girl and her boyfriend (the ones who are mad at you) for your own role in the mess. It'd take swallowing your pride a bit, but I think a sincere apology acompanied by a short explanation will go a long way. The actual delivery of the apology is up to you; maybe you just invite them out to Fastfoodsplace for lunch or something, or even just the next time you see them.

Really, I think apology is the best approach. If you can't bring yourself to humble yourself a little for the sake of friendship, then you can simply wait for a while, and hope that the whole thing blows over. This is risky, because it may allow a grudge to solidify or make you appear stubborn, but it would allow you to hang on to your pride.
You just have to work out which is more important to you; your friends or your dignity.

Good luck,
TGS

[Skippy]

Ok, I'll try and summarize it in order to make it more comprehensible...

1. A friend tells me something about her boyfriend (It was true but it doesn't matter here)
2. Another friend hears this
3. He goes and tells her what he heard. He told her not to say anything about it.
4. She asks me whether it was true what we heard, and I tell her it was. She tells me not to say anything, but I was really angry with our friend.
5. I tell him he has really screwed things up by telling her.
6. He goes and gets mad at her for telling me what he told her.
7. She goes and gets mad at me for telling he what she told me.
8. Her boyfriend finds out what happened and gets mad at both of us.

Now, I've been trying to apologize to both of them all night, even though they are really stubborn... What can I do if they don't want to listen to me? They are really valuable to me and I don't want to lose their friendship... I'll worry about her interest in me later, but right now I don't want them to stop talking to me again...

[smellie_hippie]

Skippy: It sounds liek you've been pulled into the middle of someone else's problem. That's a tough place to be, but the fact is the only thing you are "guilty" of is having difficulty keeping something to yourself. That got complicated when both sides of the argument knew that you had heard something in rehards to the other side. You should talk to them both about the fact that you were put in an incredibly awkward situation. Acept the ownership of having "run your mouth" and hope that they can move past that part. It should help if you can help them realise how diffciult it was for you to be in the middle of their fight.

[Druid_lord]

I hath returned for yet more advi e. The resident "girl of questionable honor in relationships" made up a story about having sex with a guy who hung out with a bunch of us and is twenty 1. She ended up getting him arrested, though he is now out on parole. He is not alowed ANY contact with minors. The "girl of questionable honor in relationships " apparently trusts me for some reason and told me she is planning on having someone give an apology note to the guy and asks for my opinon. Any clue on what i should tell her?

[smellie_hippie]

She was involved in his being arrested? Charged with molestation? Some other offense involving a minor?

Um..... you should advise your friend to leave that situation alone completely! What's done is done, and trying to fix things involving a legal/criminal nature is generally a bad idea. Especially if he is ordered to stay away from minors completely.

[Lilly]

I'm just gonna blither for a little while

I'm about ready to ask my mom for the money from my CD (large chunk of money that I've had sitting around since I was 10) for personal expenses. Not even anything big, but just the fact that I'm not making enough money to survive off of. But everything broke at once, and I can't fix it. I snapped my glasses in half, my computer broke (it intermittantly shuts off, and all they did at the store was clean it, and it's still broken), and my car has fallen into disrepair.

I've been considering moving out and into my parents house, but not yet
and I'm kinda really sad because I was gonna use that money to go visit my guy (who happens to live in Australia).

Now I'm thinking if I financially plan properlly and work for it, I could go see him at the end of October or the begining of November. But with my current job situation, I don't think I can do anything. Because I'm working 6 days next week, and if I think if I mention this I might get fired. I had to let them know a month in advance that I wanted a weekend off! This is really no way to have to live. And they aren't giving me any privilages (such as access to my personal belongings) because they think that I"m going to be leaving anytime, and then I realize that I'm not leaving any time soon so I'm never going to go get any privilages and...

*sob sob* spiral downwards... *sob sob*

And I really do want to go to gencon. Really really want to. I've wanted to go since I heard of the concept. This was almost 5 years ago. But, here we're back to what work would let me do, I don't think they'll let me have a week off to go galavanting around, and then in september ask for 4 days off to go work the scotish irish festival for the woman I would work for for faire.

Oh faire!

I went to go help two of my friends set up their place to stay on my days off this week, and I realized that I am going to severly miss faire. I want to be working there SO BAD. But I can't. Due to a job I hate.

Why can't things go right?

[The Great Skenardo]

@Lilly

Is it so essential to work at this one oppresive job? It sounds as if you're feeling horribly oppressed by your work, and, since you apparently don't get any benefits (or even basic freedoms), it seems like there's very little keeping you in that job, aside from stability. I'd recommend searching around a little, even if you have to stick with the hell job for a while.

As to the other things...I can definitely sympathize. I was in China last summer, and I was to meet my lady friend there for a week or so (she lives half a continent away, so it's a rare thing to get to see her), but then it turned out that she wasn't able to go. So I was left to kick around Shanghai by my onesies for half a week. Disappointments like this happen sometimes, and I definitely sympathize. But still...I'd recommend making sure your affairs are a little more settled before you make plans for a visit or an excursion. Car, glasses and compy fixed, maybe, and looking around for a better job.
I think your guy will understand (he may even chivilously volunteer to visit you, instead).

Best wishes,
TGS

[Lilly]

A stupid sense of loyalty? Not wanting to work two irrelevent jobs before I get a real one?

This job has nothing to do with my field of study. Nothing. It's retail. The only reason I took this paticular retail job was that I needed money fast, and I thought I'd be gone by March. The last interview I had for something even vaguley relevent was in the middle of May.

[Quincunx]

I think smellie hippie has the story slightly muddled, druid lord, but the advice still applies. If she's still underage, that note (however well-meant, and I don't know whether this move is contrition or deviousness) might land him back in jail. Whether she's underage or not, advise her to write now, date the letter, and send months later with the P.S. telling why she delayed sending it. News might leak across in the intervening months, but if she wants to tell him now, that ought not to be a problem.

Using a proxy is a good idea. Using a person for a proxy is a less good idea; more people confuse communication. If there's a way to get the letter to him impersonally, use that instead. If he's ok with her knowing where he lives, the mail is fine.

I suggest this from the angle of the note's receiver--been here before, but not to the extent of "sorry I got you a criminal record".

[SMEE]

Lilly:
Please, consider quiting that particular job. It's not doing you well. Find another one, a more appropriate one, even if it's not completly related to your field of study.
You are a capable, smart girl who will be able to fetch a new, better job in little time.

My dad once put it this way for me: "If the job is interesting to you and to the company, keep it, even though others may offer you a better job. If either the company or you is not interested, quit. It'll be better for you and the company. You'll find another one soon."

That statement served me well thus far.

*pets Lilly*

Now go girl!

[sktarq]

Lilly....I think you just realized you are falling down on your job due to distraction with this retail one....That job your are falling down on-finding something not reatil and that you like....preferably one that lets you fix you car and go to Gencon useing some of your 2-5 weeks of vacation per year....You may be out of a trip down under for a few months but as was mentioned earlier if you are in a bind him going to you might be better. May was only a couple of weeks ago...so jump right back onto the horse and get going Lilly!

-and in the meantime-

*hug*

[potatocubed]

This is really no way to have to live.

You said it.

In your shoes I'd quit the job, move back in with my parents, crack open the discretionary fund and use it. In fact, I was in a very similar situation about three years ago, and did exactly that.

Moving back home might feel a bit galling, but your living costs will go way down and so long as you get on with your family you should be alright. It's also much, much easier to get a job when you can spend all your time looking for a job*. If you're staying at home you should be in a better position to be picky about the jobs you go for as well, since your need for cash should be less pressing.

As for your man? Hmm. Tricky. I think your immediate priority should probably be getting back on top of life, but this one's really up to you. Thought 1: Get him to come see you in Colourful Colorado. Thought 2: See how far ahead you can book flights. I've found some crazy cheap flights by booking 9 months in advance before.

Anyway, even if you decide everything else I've said is rubbish, walk out of that job. Life is too short to work a job you hate.

*I actually spent most of my time playing City of Heroes until 4 am, but I still got a job! Think how well someone less lazy than me** could do!

**This means you.

[Dallas-Dakota]

I lost my cookie...........

[EmeraldRose]

*pokes head into the new thread (finally!) and sits down to read all the pages*

I'll post some advice this weekend, I promise!

EDIT: Oh wow....more here than I thought there was...First things first though.

@ Glug. Cutting is not necessarily a sign of suicidal intention. It can be simply a way of releasing inner turmoil and pain. It is becoming more common in boys these days. I agree that you should speak to your brother and possibly expect him to minimize it. It may be a good idea to look up some info on cutting so you can talk to him about it.

If he intends to keep cutting, make sure he is cleaning the wounds so they don't get infected.

[Dallas-Dakota]

bit sad, for some reason......................

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I'm just gonna blither for a little while

I'm about ready to ask my mom for the money from my CD (large chunk of money that I've had sitting around since I was 10) for personal expenses. Not even anything big, but just the fact that I'm not making enough money to survive off of. But everything broke at once, and I can't fix it. I snapped my glasses in half, my computer broke (it intermittantly shuts off, and all they did at the store was clean it, and it's still broken), and my car has fallen into disrepair.

I've been considering moving out and into my parents house, but not yet
and I'm kinda really sad because I was gonna use that money to go visit my guy (who happens to live in Australia).

Now I'm thinking if I financially plan properlly and work for it, I could go see him at the end of October or the begining of November. But with my current job situation, I don't think I can do anything. Because I'm working 6 days next week, and if I think if I mention this I might get fired. I had to let them know a month in advance that I wanted a weekend off! This is really no way to have to live. And they aren't giving me any privilages (such as access to my personal belongings) because they think that I"m going to be leaving anytime, and then I realize that I'm not leaving any time soon so I'm never going to go get any privilages and...

*sob sob* spiral downwards... *sob sob*

And I really do want to go to gencon. Really really want to. I've wanted to go since I heard of the concept. This was almost 5 years ago. But, here we're back to what work would let me do, I don't think they'll let me have a week off to go galavanting around, and then in september ask for 4 days off to go work the scotish irish festival for the woman I would work for for faire.

Oh faire!

I went to go help two of my friends set up their place to stay on my days off this week, and I realized that I am going to severly miss faire. I want to be working there SO BAD. But I can't. Due to a job I hate.

Why can't things go right?

Oooh! Bor story time for Lilly!

Those here in the States might know the department store Dillard's. Well, I worked for Dillard's National Bank as a debt collector. (Hard to believe that a nice guy like me was the guy calling to demand money from people, eh?) Two months into the job, my dad had open-heart surgery back in NY. I turned to my boss as said, "I'm going," explaining that if something went wrong, I would not allow my final words to my father to be over the phone. All went well with the surgery, but I was delayed returning to AZ by a snow storm during a lay-over in Chicago.

Now, that's a brief and somewhat extreme example of needing time off from work. Still it boils down to one's mental health and emotional well-being. Lilly, if your job is so oppressive that you're not permitted time off to do the things you WANT to do, then I can't help but wonder why you have the job. One gains employment not only to pay the bills, but to be able to afford some of the good things in life. A weekend for Gencon...Time off to work the faire...Time off to see your man, who lives very far away...These are not excessive demands. If it was a weekly thing, where you needed time off for one desire after another, I could see them having cause to complain. But if you've been the faithful employee for some time, I can see no reason why they'd have a right to complain.

If they can't play nice with you, there's no reason to play nice with them. I'm all about being open and honest, but if it comes to your emotional well-being, then LIE! Cite some emergency that you need to attend to, then do as you will. And if that results in them punishing you, it's time to seek new employment.

But, hey...I just had a tooth pulled yesterday and am all goofy on pain meds AGAIN! Feel free to ignore me.

[Gitman00]

if it comes to your emotional well-being, then LIE! Cite some emergency that you need to attend to, then do as you will. And if that results in them punishing you, it's time to seek new employment.

I agree with pretty much all of your post except this. I don't think lying is EVER a good idea, no matter how small or well-intentioned. But I'll forgive you. It was probably just the drugs talking.

@ Lilly: A better way to handle it might be to explain the situation and reasons for needing time off honestly, and then, as Bor said, if that results in them punishing you, it's time to seek new employment.

[DarkLightDragon]

Since I've been posting a lot of negative stuff lately, I'd like to post some positive stuff:

MY BIRTHDAY IS ON THE 11TH!

I've got over the misunderstanding with mum, and am feeling fine at the moment.

I also beat the titan guy from DragonFable! It took three attempts, but I did it!

@Lilly: I'd quit that job. No job like that job is a job that you should have.

@Bor: Thanks for the stories. It's nice to see that you got some good out of those things.

[Glaivemaster]

I shouldn't need to ask this but does Bor have a story for, like, everything? I imagine the answer is yes

Lilly: I'd agree with the general consensus of leaving your job and then finding a new one or, if you don't want to break into that spare money yet, finding a new job and then leaving this one.

DLD: I'm glad to see someone is going to have a good time on the 11th. Some of us have exams we haven't done enough work for I'll wish you Happy Birthday now then, since I'll be too tired on Monday

Of course, it's good to hear that your feeling better as well

[EmeraldRose]

I also agree! Lilly, I think you and I've talked about this before, and I definitely think you need to quit your job! This kind of stress is not good for your mental health, or your physical health!

Plus, if you are stressed and tired all the time, how can you possibly be looking for other, better employment?!?

PM if you need to talk anytime...

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I shouldn't need to ask this but does Bor have a story for, like, everything? I imagine the answer is yes
*snip*

As it turns out, I have a story to answer this question!

You must understand that July will bring my 40th birthday, and I've been through a lot. But you may notice that some things on this thread go without a response from me, and that's because I have no experience with such events. I could very well TRY to give advice, but then my lack of experience may make me only seem silly.

And, Gitman, you seem to have snipped the part where I said that I was all about being open and honest. I was actually uncomfortable suggesting lying, but sometimes extreme circumstances call for extreme measures. I'm entirely too forgetful to lie, and usually reveal myself as lying without any need to get caught by someone else.

For example, if I was in Lilly's shoes and used a supposed illness with, say, a cousin, instead of the truth about seeing my romantic interest, my return conversation would go like this:

Boss: So, how was the trip?
Me: Fantastic!
Boss: Fantastic? Ummm...How's your cousin?
Me: Great! We went at it like bunnies in heat most of the weekend.
Boss: (jaw scraping the floor) Your...cousin?!?
Me: Even had a wonderfully romantic dinner at a very expensive restaurant.
Boss: (can only look utterly baffled)
Me: Oops. I mean...it was aweful. Death, dying, misery, etc. The funeral is in two months, and I'll need more time off then.

See? It just wouldn't work. As smart as I am, I just no good at deception and WILL eventually slip up. Hence, I've given up lying...which is why I'm a lonely barbarian monk. Too honest about my baggage, I guess.

Oh well. At least my cat loves me.

[sktarq]

Oh well. At least my cat loves me.

YOUR CAT!? (jaw scraping floor)
I didn't need to know about that-please take your honesty elsewhere!


JK

and even though I am far too good at lying I'd still not recomend it.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

YOUR CAT!? (jaw scraping floor)
I didn't need to know about that-please take your honesty elsewhere!

That shameless hussy will love anyone who feeds her, so...

Nike, my cat, is actually part of my therapy. Her unconditional love is sometimes exactly what I need. And the last few nights, she's been curling up against me while I sleep. When I awaken to find her so close to me, my heart warms up right away. Her desire to be close to me, to be pet, to be fed, etc...It's all very sweet. It's also very dog-like. I mean, she doesn't purr as often as she wags her tail when she's happy.

The funniest is that she's spoiled by my being home so much. Because I'm disabled and far from financially independent, I'm around almost all day. It should also be noted that I keep my windows open to help circulate the air. Should I step out to check the mail or talk to a neighbor, Nike takes up her post at the open window and meows like mad for me to come home. If I happen to be talking to my neighbors, one will eventually joke, "Your wife is calling you."

Of course, if she could change her cat litter and feed herself, she might not love me nearly as much. Meanwhile, it's nice to know I'm loved somehow, some way.

[DarkLightDragon]

@Bor: I found those stories amusing, so I'll share something similar. I was talking to mum today about costume hire as my school has an annual really cool special event on friday, and part of the conversation went along the lines of this:

Mum: ...There's another place which has a good selection as well. They have some adult stuff that might fit you.
Me: *WTF look* adult stuff...?
*short silence*
Mum: Oh, not THAT sort of adult stuff!
Me: Right...
*we both start laughing*
Mum: Adult sized stuff. Although they do have some of that sort there. Nurse's outfits and all that.
Me: *continues laughing*

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

@Bor: I found those stories amusing, so I'll share something similar. I was talking to mum today about costume hire as my school has an annual really cool special event on friday, and part of the conversation went along the lines of this:

Mum: ...There's another place which has a good selection as well. They have some adult stuff that might fit you.
Me: *WTF look* adult stuff...?
*short silence*
Mum: Oh, not THAT sort of adult stuff!
Me: Right...
*we both start laughing*
Mum: Adult sized stuff. Although they do have some of that sort there. Nurse's outfits and all that.
Me: *continues laughing*

You see?!? I wasn't a dirty old man until dirty young teens came along and threw the dirt on me!

I've said it before, but it could use a bit of repetition: we need the occasional smile here. Those of us facing psychological diversity need a way to decompress, and it often occurs through humor.

As some of you may know, I'm dealing with a bit of high drama right now. My dearest friend in the known universe, Julie, just had her live-in boyfriend walk out on her. Not only did he do so without warning, but he planned the event in advance and kept it from her. He left her with $40 and a three-and-a-half-year-old son to feed. (Not his kid, but had certainly acted like a father to the boy.)

Julie and I know one another for almost 18 years. (I thought it was officially 18, but she set me straight on that.) Our relationship is such that she and I have a hard time describing it to one another. Put simply, I am closer to no one else on Earth.

Over the years, Julie has been there for me when others have run from my troubled life. The best medicine for me at times has been for me to call her and make her laugh. She appreciates my dry, silly, and/or sarcastic humor, and hearing her laugh has always brightened my day. Circumstances are a bit different, but the routine is the same. I call and make her laugh, and she feels better...as do I.

I need the laughter. On top of my own issues, I now worry about "my Julie." But then, as I said elsewhere, this is when I demonstrate my best qualities. When someone has an emotional crisis, I'm right there, becoming the go-to guy. My broad shoulders are easily leaned or cried upon. Some have suggested that I'm becoming a martyr; that I'm sacrificing my well-being for others when I have worries of my own. Not true.

To exemplify this, I had an emergency tooth extraction Friday morning. While Julie and I have spent several hours on the phone each day since her ex walked out, I called after the tooth was pulled and told her not to call for the weekend, as I could be resting when she wants to talk. She waits for my call or permission online before calling me. She and I agree that sacrificing my health for her lacks all kinds of wisdom.

And still, there is laughter. I can instantly bring a smile to her face when I suggest the parenting technique of using a tranquilizer dart on her active son. Or our old joke of, "It could've been worse...Could've been a rhino." (Too long a story to include here.)

We all have a choice. We can sit in a corner and cry over our problems (which many of us do in private, I'm sure), or we can try to put a humorous spin on matters. As long as I'm capable of it, I will try to do the latter.

Oh...In case you're overlooking it in my sig: BE WELL!

[DarkLightDragon]

My first post as a 16-year-old...

HOLY CRAP! I'M 16! GAH!

Been thinking that a lot today... Doesn't feel terribly different from 15, except for feeling weird about being 16 and a fear of getting certain age-related comments (which I'm sure my WoW guild will be happy to make...).

EDIT: I'll share a bit of what happened today:

Waking up: Like normal, wishing it was a weekend and not wanting to get out of bed...

Breakfast: Family (except older bro, he was working) wishes me happy birthday and I get a gift of $60 (could've sworn older bro got 100 on his birthday but not gonna complain... would rather have 60 than nothing, also been known to see/hear/feel things that aren't there so could be wrong...) and an awesome funny card.

School: I'm all like "It's my birthday! It's my birthday! I'm invincible!" attitude, and letting people know about it whenever possible... heh... the people in my art class even sang the birthday song!

I fell asleep (this doesn't happen often) during part of my IT class, but I was facing the computer screen so it looked like I was working really slowly. Being this happy for this long is tiring... *yawn*

Free icecream from the canteen at lunch break! How did the canteen lady know about my birthday? A little birdie told her, apparently. I later found out that the little birdie was my younger bro. Wow. I thought he'd hate me due to the way I can be (usually unintentionally) mean to him sometimes. Maybe he's not that bad...? He's calling be "Birthday Girl" and wishing me happy birthday a fair bit, too, as well as telling everyone else in the family to call me "Birthday Girl"...? Why the hell do I have a problem with not wanting to look at him if he's not always a big idiot...?

I also had quite a few moments of me going "GAH! WTF!" on the inside as the realisation kept hitting me that I'm no longer age 15. I'm gonna miss being 15.

Home: Now... I'm typing this, and waiting for cake. Icecream cake, with bits of those freddo frogs in it. Mmmm.... cake... I'll finish this post, do something quickly, then remind my parents that the cake is waiting...

Oh, and I've got two more cards since this morning, so I have three now. One is from the grandad on my dad's side and his wife (grandma on that side died in 2001 due to bone cancer) and the other was from an aunty who makes awesometasticalness cards for everyone each year.

The party I was gonna have on the weekend has been moved to next weekend... the laser game places must have got pretty popular recently... don't order burgers (I remember eating one on my 14th... didn't taste nice at all!) and you'll have a great time there!

...time to do that something then get the cake! CAKE!

EDIT 2: cake... yummy...

[smellie_hippie]

Happy Birthday DLD!! Enjoy all the maturity/responsibiliy that being 16 brings! Being Australian, I'm not sure what that would be... but enjoy anyway!

Bor, it's good to hear that you have such a source of happiness and strength. That special someone is vitally important to have, for everyone. It also doesn't necessarily need to be your spouse... and in some cases shouldn't be your spouse.

Dallas-Dakota... I hope things are starting to clear up with your friend. If things continue to go strangely, drop us another line here to get some more perspective.

Lilly..... quit. Yeah I know that's easy to say on our part, but completely difficult for you. I would suggest that you check for other options before dropping your 2-weeks, just because it's much "safer" that way. There's also that age old saying: "It's much easier to find a job when you have one."