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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2015

    Default Void Bringer / Alternate Fighter Archetype

    This is one of my, I think better attempts at making an Archetype, and the first one I've felt confident enough to post. So. This is it.

    Spoiler: The Void Bringer
    Show
    Void Bringer
    The void is everywhere, in the endless space in which the theater of our universe takes place in. It is the very thing most creatures hurdle through as they orbit their false-god, the celestial beings that give them life. The Void Bringer knows that there is no meaning to the laws that govern them, to the point that they break past even the laws of the physical universe that restrain them. Making a pact with the Void, the Fighter can learn how to manipulate and dominate the world around them while reperesenting their nihilist rejection of most things they consider hinderances on their free will.


    Void Grasp
    When you choose this archetype at the 3rd level, you gain the ability to fling objects around with your weighty control over the very fundamental forces that govern your world.
    At the start of your turn, choose one one object that you can see within 15 feet and weighing less than twenty pounds. Until end of your turn, you may use a bonus action to move that object up to 30 feet. Until the end of your turn, you may use a bonus action to move that object up to 30 feet.
    The object can be used to attack a target if it is aimed at them. Make a ranged attack against them using your Dexterity modifier. If it succeeds, it deals 1d4 damage.
    This spellís damage increases by 1d4 when you reach 5th level (2d4), 11th level (3d4), and 20th level (4d4) in the Fighter class.

    Weightless
    Starting at the 7th level, weapons and armor are made lighter.
    You gain +5 feet of movement, and armor no longer hinders your movement or cause disadvantage on stealth checks.
    You benefit from a +1 to all melee attack rolls.
    These bonuses are doubled for weapons and armor of the 'Light' category.

    Defy Gravity
    At the 10th level, you master the ability to govern gravity and gain a flying speed equal to your current walking speed whenever you are not underground or indoors. Whenever you are struck by a spell or attack, you must make a Dexterity saving throw or plummet to the ground.

    Null Will
    At the 15th level, you gain dexterous control over objects you commit to with Void Grasp.
    At the start of your turn, you may now choose to use Void Grasp on any weapon with the 'Light' property, and can use your bonus action to attack with it.
    You can now use your action to seize a target with your mastery over the Void, and make a Dexterity check contested by the target's Strength (Athletics) or Dexterity (Acrobatics) check (the target chooses the ability to use).
    If you win the contest, the target is grappled and subject to the spell 'Levitate'. You must have a free hand to maintain this grasp, and you can release the target whenever you like (no action required.)

    Entropy
    At the 18th level, you ascend to the peak of your training, able to tear open a hole in reality that leads directly to the Void.
    Choose one point in a 10-foot high cylinder with a radius of 15 feet. All creatures within it are immediately drawn towards it's center, where you tear open a small point into the Void. Any creature can make a dexterity saving throw to grab onto an secured object and escape it's pull. Reaching it's epicenter, a creature must make a Constitution saving throw, or become paralyzed and take 1d6 cold damage and 2d8 necrotic damage every turn it starts in the singularity, as the ambient heat begins sapping from the air around them, and it's bodily fluids begin evaporating due to low pressure. The singularity rages for a number of rounds equal to your Constitution modifier. As a cost to this ability, you recieve all the damage that this inflicts on other creatures, but you are made immune to it's pull consequentially. This damage cannot be mitigated or avoided, and you become unable to regenerate health points while it persists. Constructs and undead arenít damaged by this ability while plants and creatures with the water subtype take double the damage total. If a creature is caught in the singularity has 25 hit points or fewer, it dies.
    This can be done once per long rest.

    This Archetype requires a Chaotic alignment, to match the will of the Void.


    I'd like to know if it holds anyone's interest, or if it's balanced, you know, the general criticism. Maybe something's wrong with it that I don't see?
    Last edited by Shang; 2015-11-18 at 10:38 AM.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Mr.Moron's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2007

    Default Re: Void Bringer / Alternate Fighter Archetype

    Quote Originally Posted by Shang View Post
    This is one of my, I think better attempts at making an Archetype, and the first one I've felt confident enough to post. So. This is it.

    Spoiler: The Void Bringer
    Show
    Void Bringer
    The void is everywhere, in the endless space in which the theater of our universe takes place in. It is the very thing most creatures hurdle through as they orbit their false-god, the celestial beings that give them life. The Void Bringer knows that there is no meaning to the laws that govern them, to the point that they break past even the laws of the physical universe that restrain them. Making a pact with the Void, the Fighter can learn how to manipulate and dominate the world around them while reperesenting their nihilist rejection of most things they consider hinderances on their free will.


    Void Grasp
    When you choose this archetype at the 3rd level, you gain the ability to fling objects around with your weighty control over the very fundamental forces that govern your world.
    Choose one object at the beginning of your turn that weighs less than twenty pounds. That object is now under your control, and you can use a bonus action to manipulate it up to 30 feet in any direction.
    The object can be used to attack a target if it is aimed at them. Make a ranged attack against them using your Dexterity modifier. If it succeeds, it deals 1d4 damage.
    The amount of damage the object does increases by 1d4 as you gain Extra Attacks,

    Weightless Versatility
    Starting at the 7th level, Weapons and armor are made lighter.
    Armor no longer hinders your movement speed, instead increasing it by +5, it also no longer causes disadvantage on stealth checks.
    Weapons become lighter, gaining +1 to all melee attack rolls.
    These bonuses are doubled for weapons and armor under the 'Light' category.

    Void Incarnate
    At the 10th level, you master the ability to govern gravity and gain a flying speed equal to your current walking speed whenever you are not underground or indoors. Whenever you are struck by a spell or attack, you must make a dexterity saving throw or plummet to the ground.
    You cannot make an attack while flying, though may still use Void Grasp normally.

    Mass Effect
    At the 15th level, you gain dexterous control over objects you commit to with Void Grasp.
    You are able to utilize and possess weapons with the light property, and can move them and attack with them as a bonus action with your modifiers.
    You can also now use your action to attempt to grapple a creature up to thirty feet away. Make a Dexterity check agaist their athletics or acrobatics check. If they cannot exceed your roll, they are lifted into the air and restrained until their next turn, where they can attempt to break free again, this time with advantage.

    Entropy
    At the 18th level, you ascend to the peak of your training, able to tear open a hole in reality that leads directly to the Void.
    Choose one point in a 10-foot high cylinder with a radius of 15 feet. All creatures within it are immediately drawn towards it's center, where you tear open a small point into the Void. Any creature can make a dexterity saving throw to grab onto an secured object and escape it's pull. Reaching it's epicenter, a creature must make a Constitution saving throw, or become paralyzed and take 1d6 cold damage and 2d8 necrotic damage every turn it starts in the singularity, as the ambient heat begins sapping from the air around them, and it's bodily fluids begin evaporating due to low pressure. The singularity rages for a number of rounds equal to your Constitution modifier. As a cost to this ability, you recieve all the damage that this inflicts on other creatures, but you are made immune to it's pull consequentially. This damage cannot be mitigated or avoided, and you become unable to regenerate health points while it persists. Constructs and undead arenít damaged by this ability while plants and creatures with the water subtype take double the damage total.
    This can be done once per long rest.

    This Archetype requires a Chaotic alignment, to match the will of the Void.


    I'd like to know if it holds anyone's interest, or if it's balanced, you know, the general criticism. Maybe something's wrong with it that I don't see?
    The wording is kind of messy, I think you should do a couple more editing passes. For example something like this

    Choose one object at the beginning of your turn that weighs less than twenty pounds. That object is now under your control, and you can use a bonus action to manipulate it up to 30 feet in any direction.
    Should probably be more like: At the start of your turn, choose one one object [range and sight restrictoins if any, go here] weighing less than twenty pounds. Until end of your turn, you may use a bonus action to move that object up to 30 feet.

    Void Grasp scaling should refer to actual levels, not "when you gain attacks". If you must refer to it this way it should be phrased more along the lines of "Each time you gain the extra attack class feature" or "Each time the number of attacks allowed by your extra attacks feature increases", depending on how you see that feature within the context of the fighter class.
    Last edited by Mr.Moron; 2015-11-16 at 04:32 PM.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2015

    Default Re: Void Bringer / Alternate Fighter Archetype

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Moron View Post
    The wording is kind of messy, I think you should do a couple more editing passes. For example something like this



    Should probably be more like: At the start of your turn, choose one one object [range and sight restrictoins if any, go here] weighing less than twenty pounds. Until end of your turn, you may use a bonus action to move that object up to 30 feet.

    Void Grasp scaling should refer to actual levels, not "when you gain attacks". If you must refer to it this way it should be phrased more along the lines of "Each time you gain the extra attack class feature" or "Each time the number of attacks allowed by your extra attacks feature increases", depending on how you see that feature within the context of the fighter class.
    Thanks for the tips!

    Are there any other suggestions you would make towards the phrasing?
    Last edited by Shang; 2015-11-18 at 07:00 AM.

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