Worst Players Episode II: Attack of the Identical Replacement Characters

[hymer]

The first thread has come to a close, but somehow it seems unlikely that the talk of horrible players is about to do the same.

I believe the above suggestion of a title for the thread gathered the most support, and hence I've used it.

Also some links that should be close to the start of the thread; the SUE Files: (I, II, III & the blog)

The last thread had started talking about players asking to be railroaded, and Cluedrew asked whether it was still railroading then.
I guess you can argue it either way depending on the definition of railroading. If it's the old-fashioned (forcing people to do things they don't want), then no. But I don't think that's what they mean when they ask for railroading. I believe they're asking for a tighter structure and a narrower focus.

[YossarianLives]

Welcome all to the second iteration of the worst player's thread! Feel free to post your horror stories here.

Please keep in mind that this thread does not deal with bad GMs. There is another thread for that.


Here's to another fifty pages.

[Cluedrew]

There was a consensuses that we would officially include game master tales in this thread, are we keeping that?

Also some links that should be close to the start of the thread; the SUE Files: (I, II, III & the blog)

Actually there are a lot of other links that could go here but those are those are the ones I have.

[Anonymouswizard]

(One of) my suggestion got used.

There is a second new thread as well, The Worst player you've ever had/seen/been/heard of II: It's what my character would, we may want to ask for a merger, although that one says it isn't for bad GMs, whereas I think the general consensus was that they counted as players, because the GM thread seemed to have died (I remember we did have a bad GM story or two in there anyway).

Anyway, railroading. I think the answer is simple: even if it's the classic 'telling players what to do', if that's what everybody but you wants, you're in the wrong, but if the majority is okay with freedom, then the player asking for more is in the wrong. Adjust for level of railroading asked for, or flip if players want more freedom.

[Keltest]

There was a consensuses that we would officially include game master tales in this thread, are we keeping that?

Also some links that should be close to the start of the thread; the SUE Files: (I, II, III & the blog)

Actually there are a lot of other links that could go here but those are those are the ones I have.

Im fine with including GM horror stories in the thread. Probably not enough room in the title to make that clear though.

[YossarianLives]

I'll request a delete on the thread I made. I wasn't aware that we were including bad GM stories in this fine thread.

[hymer]

I'll request a delete on the thread I made. I wasn't aware that we were including bad GM stories in this fine thread.

Very generous! I feel positively giddy for having made an iteration of a traditional thread.

I was just looking through the first thread, and on page 45, Mark Hall himself endorses posting GM stories in it. Albeit without using his mod voice.

[Chauncymancer]

I think "Illusionism" is the term for "railroading, but the party knows and wants it to happen".

[The Fury]

A few times I've mentioned a player that I call "Wally." Not his real name, obviously. Though he was never a "good" player he started off what I'd call "harmlessly bad." Mainly with his shenanigans of being a CoDzilla but not knowing how buff spells are supposed to work. Then he took a turn for the strange... and I guess, sleepy.

I'll admit that I wasn't actually there for this part. There was a game that was a three-hour drive away from where I the rest of my group lived, I wasn't interested. Though there was someone in my group that was and carpooled there with some others including Wally. One session they played apparently involved a Sphere of Annihilation, which Wally loved after reading the description of what they do from the rulebook and became obsessed with obtaining it for himself. On the trip home, Wally was asleep in the back seat. When someone else in the car tried to get his attention he muttered "...Sphere of Annihilation..." in his sleep. OK, that's sort of weird.

Later in our group's games he'd frequently fall asleep at the table. He'd say that he had a late shift at work which he followed up by marathoning a season of Stargate SG1. Double annoying because he was hard to wake up. Being well aware of the fact that a late shift isn't anything that can be helped, we asked him to stop binge-watching Stargate before game night. He kept doing it anyway. Being the class act that I am, I figured I was well within rights to set up pranks for his character. I asked the GM what Wally's character was doing while Wally himself was asleep-- he ruled that they were in sort of a catatonic state. So I did things like tying the character up and hanging them by the ankles over a manure pile. Wally left shortly afterward. Or rather just stopped showing up. After a while we all sort of assumed that he wasn't interested in our group anymore and stopped calling him to let him know where where we were meeting.

Months later, Wally randomly showed up in the middle of a session. Apparently he went to all of our group's regular meeting places until he found us. OK... that's sort of creepy. We allowed him to join in anyway, so then he asked, "Where's my character right now?"

The GM replied, "I think The Fury left them tied up on a toilet in that nobleman's estate. Maybe you should roll up a new one."

[Keltest]

A few times I've mentioned a player that I call "Wally." Not his real name, obviously. Though he was never a "good" player he started off what I'd call "harmlessly bad." Mainly with his shenanigans of being a CoDzilla but not knowing how buff spells are supposed to work. Then he took a turn for the strange... and I guess, sleepy.

I'll admit that I wasn't actually there for this part. There was a game that was a three-hour drive away from where I the rest of my group lived, I wasn't interested. Though there was someone in my group that was and carpooled there with some others including Wally. One session they played apparently involved a Sphere of Annihilation, which Wally loved after reading the description of what they do from the rulebook and became obsessed with obtaining it for himself. On the trip home, Wally was asleep in the back seat. When someone else in the car tried to get his attention he muttered "...Sphere of Annihilation..." in his sleep. OK, that's sort of weird.

Later in our group's games he'd frequently fall asleep at the table. He'd say that he had a late shift at work which he followed up by marathoning a season of Stargate SG1. Double annoying because he was hard to wake up. Being well aware of the fact that a late shift isn't anything that can be helped, we asked him to stop binge-watching Stargate before game night. He kept doing it anyway. Being the class act that I am, I figured I was well within rights to set up pranks for his character. I asked the GM what Wally's character was doing while Wally himself was asleep-- he ruled that they were in sort of a catatonic state. So I did things like tying the character up and hanging them by the ankles over a manure pile. Wally left shortly afterward. Or rather just stopped showing up. After a while we all sort of assumed that he wasn't interested in our group anymore and stopped calling him to let him know where where we were meeting.

Months later, Wally randomly showed up in the middle of a session. Apparently he went to all of our group's regular meeting places until he found us. OK... that's sort of creepy. We allowed him to join in anyway, so then he asked, "Where's my character right now?"

The GM replied, "I think The Fury left them tied up on a toilet in that nobleman's estate. Maybe you should roll up a new one."

Hmm. While I am by no means an expert, missing a single night of sleep doesn't seem like it would cause narcolepsy like that. Heck, ask any college student and they'll tell you. Does he still show up to your sessions?

[The Fury]

Hmm. While I am by no means an expert, missing a single night of sleep doesn't seem like it would cause narcolepsy like that. Heck, ask any college student and they'll tell you. Does he still show up to your sessions?

No, he does not. It's just as well, from what I've heard his behavior got even stranger. I'd rather not get into that though, as that just seems gossipy.

I'm not sure how much sleep he actually missed, a lot I guess.

[ComaVision]

Not like anyone knows him, and it does sound quite appropriate for the thread.

[Steampunkette]

While I was in Orlando I met a gaming group that were all characters.

Mike, I'll call him, had been playing DnD for something like 5 years, but had played Evercrack for longer and WoW for 2 or 3 years at the time. During a Roleplaying Heavy game he spent every after encounter wrap up not only looting the dead, but taking heads or scalps, skinning owlbears, and the whole nine yards, completely ignoring the other characters, with the intent to schlep it all back to town to sell at a general store.

And he quit the game when he learned that no one wanted the goblin heads and such.

Shawn, on the other hand, was a solid diceroller who hated computers. Over the course of several games I noticed that he'd always use different mixes of d6s, but always at least one black one. All his black dice were loaded. We found that out after someone he was convinced was a changeling offered her hand and said "if you prick me, will I not bleed?" His response was to use only black dice to "prick" her with a max damage crit with a great axe.

When that happened I checked his dice and asked. He wasn't even ashamed.

[goto124]

someone he was convinced was a changeling offered her hand and said "if you prick me, will I not bleed?" His response was to use only black dice to "prick" her with a max damage crit with a great axe.

Would you have been alright with it if he didn't cheat?

[Steampunkette]

She was offering her hand so he could check her for red blood as opposed to blue.

If he hadn't been cheating the guards would've swarmed him and the party would have been in a bad situation as their patron turned against them.

[Keltest]

She was offering her hand so he could check her for red blood as opposed to blue.

If he hadn't been cheating the guards would've swarmed him and the party would have been in a bad situation as their patron turned against them.

Clearly im not understanding something here.

[Marlowe]

It is getting a mite surreal. Changes abruptly from an obviously OOC scenario to an IC one.

Unless, of course, Steampunkette plays her games surrounded by armed guards at the behest of a noble patron for the latter's entertainment, at the risk of getting executed if they're not entertaining. I don't know. I've heard bizarre stuff about D&D in Brazil, but I don't think Steampunkette lives there.

[Steampunkette]

Because he was cheating I erased his character from history and kicked him off my table on the spot.

If he hadn't been cheating I'd have let it stand and he'd have been killed by her house guards.

[Marlowe]

[Steampunkette]

Character did something supremely stupid because the player hated an NPC who was giving the party support from a position of power.

The stupid act was getting offered to pinprick the NPC patron's finger to show she had human, not changeling, blood and using a greataxe to DESTROY the patron's hand, instead.

Player cheated to ensure his stupid act would do as much damage as possible to the NPC patron he didn't like3.

I removed his character from the game and banned the player from my table.

Had he not been cheating, the NPC's guards would have attacked the character and I would have let the action stand, whcih answers Goto's question.

I really hope we don't need further clarification.

[goto124]

the player hated an NPC who was giving the party support from a position of power.

The stupid act was getting offered to pinprick the NPC patron's finger to show she had human, not changeling, blood and using a greataxe to DESTROY the patron's hand, instead.

Ah, that makes a lot more sense. Thank you for clarifying.

[Anonymouswizard]

I think it's interesting that we've moved to horror stories being the exception into the levels of bad we can all relate to. I've never seen a player like The Fury's (is it okay if I drop the 'The'?), but my sleep schedule is out of sync enough that I know I'd be that player for a pre-noon session (P.S. you meant you didn't spend a session going back and looking for Wally's character? The stripy jumper and bobble hat should have made it easy).

I also have had a problem with cheating as well. In this case I found out that a player cheated in Dark Heresy by using the 'lowest first' trick (I plan to not inform him about how Unknown Armies works when I get it, bog UA and Eclipse Phase are 'roll under, roll high' systems). Two months after I stopped running the game to prepare for uni. The group also had an awesome player with insane luck (who had left due to semi-related problems, he had a good if railroady GM style) who rolled completely fairly (as in, rolled and called the tens, then rolled and called the units), which is why I didn't notice.

I also know someone who has a set of low-rolling d6s she refers to as her GURPS dice, but as far as I know she generally just uses the first dice out of her bag, like I use d6s that then to roll around a 4 (I'm too cheap to buy more dice, these are fair enough for most groups).

[ComaVision]

Not meaning to derail at all but is there anything in D&D lore to suggest that changelings bleed a different colour? That's news to me.

[YossarianLives]

Okay. So I'm currently dealing with a player I'll call "W".

W shys away from any major offensives but he does many, many, small and very annoying things. I'll list some of them.

Vehemently insulting my skills as a DM after they got lost in a dungeon due to his poor mapping skills. He gave no constructive criticism, which I would have been receptive to. He basically now spends every session harping on how I'm the worst DM ever. (this was an OD&D game.)

He rolled up a bard after he refused to continue with my campaign but whines endlessly about now weak bards are.

He freaked out when I presented my kobold wizard character to the table. He just assumed I was going to play Pun Pun.

Those are pretty much his worst offensives but I'll post again if he does anything notable.

[The Fury]

I think it's interesting that we've moved to horror stories being the exception into the levels of bad we can all relate to. I've never seen a player like The Fury's (is it okay if I drop the 'The'?),

NO. You may not drop the "The." That's how you know I'm not one of those bargain bin Furies running around, I am in fact The Fury.

...I'm just joking of course. Go ahead and drop the "The" if you really want to.

but my sleep schedule is out of sync enough that I know I'd be that player for a pre-noon session (P.S. you meant you didn't spend a session going back and looking for Wally's character? The stripy jumper and bobble hat should have made it easy).

We might have gone back for Wally's character except the noble's estate was on a private island well away from where we were at the time. Plus we sort of lost the magical tchotchke for stopping the world from imploding and really didn't have time for another side quest.

[FlumphPaladin]

I recall a time in a one-shot adventure where our hipster extraordinaire, whom I'll call Walden, was a half-orc. I don't remember his class, because it was his half-orcishness that defined him: half-*'s were mistreated and disdained in this setting, and so naturally his introduction to every PC and NPC carried some thinly-veiled threat to the tune of "try and oppress me, I dare you!"

Well, we discovered a cult who had been responsible for some kidnappings from the town we were in, and that led us to a strange temple, complete with (human) sacrificial victim and staffed by--you guessed it--half-orc clerics. We made our way through them, with one or two remaining unconscious. The victim was alive, and we hoped to return them to the town, and then our cleric (I'll call his player Jim) announced that he was going to deliver a coup de grâce on an unconscious half-orc.

Cue the shocked protestations from Walden, who had been okay up to now, what with saving a townsperson being just the postmodern twist to make society see how decent half-orcs can be. Something like this occurred:

Walden: "Look. We came in, we wrecked his dritt*, killed his leader, taught him a lesson. He's harmless. Maybe he knows something and can help us find if there are more."
Jim: "He's too dangerous to be kept alive."
Walden: "But look how people treat his kind! He's a victim just as much as anyone!"
Jim: "Yes, but he has proven himself willing to associate with evil people to do evil things. Killing their leader will only strengthen their resolve. I must act for the greater good. <to DM> What do I need to roll?"
Walden: <to DM> "Oh, faen come on! This is oksedritt!"
DM: "You don't even need to roll; he's defenseless."
Walden: "Some faen Good cleric you turned out to be!"
Jim: "I hit him with my sword."
Walden: "Faen ta this game! Faen idiot!"

Walden's half-orc did exactly what someone trying to show that half-orcs aren't evil would do: he approached the victim, still on the altar, and delivered a coup de grâce on her before storming out of the temple. Walden himself, meanwhile, scooted back, called Jim a faen idiot a few more times, and sulked while reading his favored blogs on his phone the rest of the night. I think he might have made some passive-aggressive remarks as we finished the session. Sadly, Walden was the oldest one in the room.

*For delicate ears, profanities appear translated into a foreign tongue.

[MrStabby]

I recall a time in a one-shot adventure where our hipster extraordinaire, whom I'll call Walden, was a half-orc. I don't remember his class, because it was his half-orcishness that defined him: half-*'s were mistreated and disdained in this setting, and so naturally his introduction to every PC and NPC carried some thinly-veiled threat to the tune of "try and oppress me, I dare you!"

Well, we discovered a cult who had been responsible for some kidnappings from the town we were in, and that led us to a strange temple, complete with (human) sacrificial victim and staffed by--you guessed it--half-orc clerics. We made our way through them, with one or two remaining unconscious. The victim was alive, and we hoped to return them to the town, and then our cleric (I'll call his player Jim) announced that he was going to deliver a coup de grâce on an unconscious half-orc.

Cue the shocked protestations from Walden, who had been okay up to now, what with saving a townsperson being just the postmodern twist to make society see how decent half-orcs can be. Something like this occurred:

Walden: "Look. We came in, we wrecked his dritt*, killed his leader, taught him a lesson. He's harmless. Maybe he knows something and can help us find if there are more."
Jim: "He's too dangerous to be kept alive."
Walden: "But look how people treat his kind! He's a victim just as much as anyone!"
Jim: "Yes, but he has proven himself willing to associate with evil people to do evil things. Killing their leader will only strengthen their resolve. I must act for the greater good. <to DM> What do I need to roll?"
Walden: <to DM> "Oh, faen come on! This is oksedritt!"
DM: "You don't even need to roll; he's defenseless."
Walden: "Some faen Good cleric you turned out to be!"
Jim: "I hit him with my sword."
Walden: "Faen ta this game! Faen idiot!"

Walden's half-orc did exactly what someone trying to show that half-orcs aren't evil would do: he approached the victim, still on the altar, and delivered a coup de grâce on her before storming out of the temple. Walden himself, meanwhile, scooted back, called Jim a faen idiot a few more times, and sulked while reading his favored blogs on his phone the rest of the night. I think he might have made some passive-aggressive remarks as we finished the session. Sadly, Walden was the oldest one in the room.

*For delicate ears, profanities appear translated into a foreign tongue.

Actually I have a lot of sympathy with Walden here. I think much of D&D has to be done by consensus and what will be fun for everyone. Walden was not to first to break that unwritten rule.

[LibraryOgre]

Have a similar story to FlumphPaladin, though I wouldn't call the player the worst I've played with, or even particularly bad. He was playing a Rodian Jedi with the idea of overcoming the stereotype of Rodians... but the player was, in real life, a tech support guy.

In an early adventure, his job was to cut down a fence and flank the bad guys. And, even with a lightsaber, he simply COULD NOT. His total was never above the laughably low difficulty, and he kept rolling a 1 on the Wild Die*, so he kept getting mishaps on top of that. He was getting more and more frustrated and then, finally, just shouted "FINE. I'll drop a force point to cut down the goddamn fence!" He cut it down... but was not happy when I gave him a Dark Side point on top of that.

This began his slide into the Dark Side, that culminated with him going to visit an informant in another city and getting targeted for arrest... and in deciding not to be arrested by the Empire, went on the run, killing several police officers in his flight.

*in WEG Star Wars, 2nd edition, one of the dice in your dice pool was designated the Wild Die. The wild die exploded, but a 1 on the wild die meant a mishap... not necessarily a failure, but some sort of complication, like shooting a panel to lock the door, only to realize that's where the controls to extend the bridge were, too.

[FlumphPaladin]

Actually I have a lot of sympathy with Walden here. I think much of D&D has to be done by consensus and what will be fun for everyone. Walden was not to first to break that unwritten rule.

Touche. Walden definitely had a point, and it definitely could have been handled better by the rest of us as well.

Have a similar story to FlumphPaladin, though I wouldn't call the player the worst I've played with, or even particularly bad.

Walden isn't particularly bad, either. Apart from this incident (and a similar one when he argued that a warforged should be able to react fast enough to avoid being crushed by traps that they activate, Reflex saves be damned), he's really a good player.

Spoiler: Rodian Jedi

Show

He was playing a Rodian Jedi with the idea of overcoming the stereotype of Rodians... but the player was, in real life, a tech support guy.

In an early adventure, his job was to cut down a fence and flank the bad guys. And, even with a lightsaber, he simply COULD NOT. His total was never above the laughably low difficulty, and he kept rolling a 1 on the Wild Die*, so he kept getting mishaps on top of that. He was getting more and more frustrated and then, finally, just shouted "FINE. I'll drop a force point to cut down the goddamn fence!" He cut it down... but was not happy when I gave him a Dark Side point on top of that.

This began his slide into the Dark Side, that culminated with him going to visit an informant in another city and getting targeted for arrest... and in deciding not to be arrested by the Empire, went on the run, killing several police officers in his flight.

I think I might have told the story of "T" in one of the WotC Star Wars d20 games I played, famously outwitted by a workaday NPC at the spaceport...

Customs: "Are you here for business or for pleasure?"
Tri (T's character): "Pleasure."
Customs: "And what do you intend to do while on <planet>?"
Tri: "I'm gonna meet some potential trade partners, scope out some new market opportunities."
Customs: "I thought you said you were here for pleasure."
Tri: "............My business IS my pleasure."
Customs officer makes his Sense Motive check and calls for his manager, which results in a firefight that almost kills us and, I think, blows our jedi's cover.

[sktarq]

The player who wanted-nay demanded- to play a social powerhouse builds one (in a socially driven game) and then couldn't figure out anything to do with their character in social situations (an I wasn't looking for dialogue but basic goals that could be rolled for)

Same player was part of a party that agreed to make a team of "Supernatural Investigators" and who all had competent to elite levels of training in Investigation who never looked for evidence, talked to witnesses who were not still there, look at video footage (collected and destroyed to protect secrecy) or check records of who owned items involved (like cars or buildings which I put in for people who had bought special access to those data sets for their characters). . . It took some adjusting to.