Naruto IX: [Epilogue Intensifies]

[LaZodiac]

Oh no, Sasuke doesn't ignore it.

He just learned the wrong lesson from it.

I'd argue learning the exact opposite of what you were taught directly is ignoring the latter.

y'know how Sasuke could've been a better rival?

*throws a picture of bakugo across the table*

No but seriously your idea works too.

[Lord Raziere]

*throws a picture of bakugo across the table*

No but seriously your idea works too.

See the problem with Ninja Bakugo is that he'd basically be Deidara or have a disturbing amount of paper bombs. now, the ninja world of Naruto to be fair isn't subtle at all, but I feel as if would be even ruder than Naruto to everyone and tick off some big ninja who doesn't tolerate disrespect and kill him, because there is a vast gulf of difference between a world of magical assassins in a cold war and world of superheroes with clearly defined rules and morality. Bakugo works in MHA because I could totally see him growing up to be a successful superhero there, he'd just have a heel stage presence despite being on the good guys side and go to events where he smack talks everyone while fans cheer on his coarseness and fierce personality like a wrestler.

Ninja Bakugo on the other hand has to deal with respecting the Hokage and other kages as well, when he seems physically incapable of being polite. and they still do some deception stuff in battle. oh and working as a team, because Bakugo in MHA once he gets out of UA can just do solo hero work, but Ninja Bakugo would have to learn to work in a team of four, so there is a different structure involved even if he is one of those magical wizard-ninjas who blow everything up, and teamwork is REALLY IMPORTANT in Naruto world. he is certainly not a leader, so I don't see him being respected enough to be put into command, and even if he never betrays the village, he probably would give up on Hokage the moment he learns that it involves more paperwork than kicking ass and just settle for being a Jounin. assuming he doesn't fail a bunch of times because he takes forever to work as a team with anyone. Bakugo mostly works because he is born into society with a headstart, the way he is now, he wouldn't have any kind of headstart in ninja society, because they value different things, the geniuses of Konoha (like Itachi or Kakashi) are valued for having cool heads

like its not to say that Ninja Bakugo can't work, its just that he wouldn't be MHA Bakugo because of the societal differences involved.

Ninja Deku on the other hand would basically be Shikamaru if he wasn't lazy, or Rock Lee if he had Shikamaru's intelligence. that would be ridiculous. pretty sure he'd make Hokage easily.

[LaZodiac]

Girl that wasn't a prompt.

But what a good ****ing post. Wish I could throw a heart at you.

[Ramza00]

Girl that wasn't a prompt.

But what a good ****ing post. Wish I could throw a heart at you.

In another life without a civil war Konan would merely be a girl who used her oragami to pass out valentines instead of being an angel of death / god's angel.

[Traab]

Yup thats Sasuke in a nutshell: Don't remain static, learn all the wrong lessons.

y'know how Sasuke could've been a better rival? if he knew that his brother was a double agent from the start and decided to follow in his footsteps to be a double agent as well, that he was loyal to the village the whole time, and was simply going along with all the villains around him to find out their plans, feed information to the Fire Village until the right moment to sabotage the villains plan- like REAL ninja would- and thus provide an example of him carrying out his duty in a way that Naruto never could and thus provide a real challenge for Naruto's dream for Hokage by providing someone willing to go that deep undercover to save the world. because as its stands, Sasuke despite his power was never a real rival for Naruto, because he became too much of an enemy to be viable for the position, because everyone was hunting and hating him down at the point where he'd want to BE Hokage.

I think that would actually have created a sarutobi/danzo setup done RIGHT. Basically, naruto is the kage because he is the ultra inspiring, ass kicking, therapy no jutsu dispensing, badass boss man, while sasuke is the yami no shinobi. The shadow within the shadows of the ninja world. This unbelievably deadly and dangerous ninja who is utterly loyal to the village (and its kage) and understands that sometimes you have to be dirtier than the enemy if you want to win. Together they fight crime. (And unite the shinobi villages)

[LaZodiac]

New Boruto!

Spoiler

Show

It sucks a FAT ONE. Jesus. Kawaki is such an awful character. Nothing ****ing happens. He gets adopted by Naruto the end.

[Ramza00]

New Boruto!

Spoiler

Show

It sucks a FAT ONE. Jesus. Kawaki is such an awful character. Nothing ****ing happens. He gets adopted by Naruto the end.

Meh is right.

Spoiler: Guesses where the story may go

Show

I forsee some of the themes are going to be similar to Part 2 Kabuto of what is your own identity and now with Kawaki we have another person who is "assembled" except instead of DNA it is "micro-machines." What is your self, what is your identity, what is your place in society, what is society when all humans are assembled in such a way and possibly not of their choosing?

I also forsee a Panopticon metaphor with Kawaki being watched by Naruto like a hawk. The panopticon is an idea from the 1700s Jeremy Bentham a utilitarian hypothesized and drafted a prison where everyone is always capable of being watched but the watcher can't tell if he is being watched or not. Such a prison was not built during Bentham's liftetime but it was created since then.

But the insights of this prison is not just limited to prisons or work place enviroments (organized around efficency). For having a panopticon type of society either through surveillance capitalism, or a totalitarianism state does wonders on a human person's psyche (wonders here is in a negative sense.)

It makes you wonder if you can trust anything, it makes you wonder if you control anything, it makes you see yourself as constantly being threatened even if you are not threatened. It changes how you view yourself and your place in your society. Blah blah blah skips the more philosophy stuff. Aka think 1984 and also Foucault.

-----

This could be a good story but I have no hope that the writer Ukyo Kodachi can write it. It is too ambitious and I have not seen any evidence that such a story is within the writer's grasp after 3 years or so of Boruto content (2 years of Manga, 3 years since the Movie.)

[khadgar567]

Spoiler: about kawaki chan and boruto

Show

welp its kinda front and center. boruto and kawaki are improved carbon copy of sasuke and narutos relationship. boruto tries to be friend of kawaki and he declines kawaki kinda betrays the villige and goes nukenin for some time to cool his ass of then they fight at valley ofend, blow their sealed arms then becomes best buds while shin uchiha acts as third generations kabuto. well series might be not going to fall far from the main three.

[Aotrs Commander]

Bleakbane Catches Up With Naruto

Yeah, this is going to be one big Exposition Dump Flashback sequence, isn't it...?

*sigh*

The All-Knowing and Hashirama and Madara and The Era of Warring States

Yeah, so, unlike the last three episodes, not really much to comment on here - it's all just how Madara and Hashirama met and got the village started. It's just sort of... There. I'm not really invested in either character, it's not painfully grating like Pain's backstory, so it's just a history lesson.

My largest takeways are:

a) Hashirama has a sense of humour (I'd day Madara has, but we've seen evidence of that in spades)

b) Tobimaru is a dull fracktard whose attitude probably caused half of the problems

c) War States Era was fracked up even by the lowest historical standards (I mean, unless Japan was actually that bad at one point... Now I'm relatively up to speed on Chinese history, maybe that should be something I should look at next...)

d) Hashirama and Madara have a lot of dead siblings

e) Hashirama and Madara are only marginally less rough on terrain than the Z-fighters

f) The easiest way to beat Madara is to simply have someone stand behind him whenever he takes a leak

g) Hashirama is the reason Tsunade picked up her gambling habit.

Looks like at least one more of these to go...

[LaZodiac]

I forget when they say it but soon they're gonna bring up why the Uchiha eyeballs do the things they do and how it means every single one of them without fail has the potential to be as bad as Madara both in terms of evil and power if someone they love a lot has a bad spill.

Being smart, the second hokage made them all the cops.

The series would be a lot better if it stopped given justifications to Danzo's purge.

[Aotrs Commander]

I forget when they say it but soon they're gonna bring up why the Uchiha eyeballs do the things they do and how it means every single one of them without fail has the potential to be as bad as Madara both in terms of evil and power if someone they love a lot has a bad spill.

Being smart, the second hokage made them all the cops.

The series would be a lot better if it stopped given justifications to Danzo's purge.

Yeah, they've sort of said that already.

Mind you, it was Tobimaru that said that, and his biases make him kind of not a narrator I immediately complete trust.

But on the other hand, it doesn't help when that of only two Uchiha we have ever seen who apparently DIDN'T do that was the one that murdered all the rest and the one that died hoping that he wouldn't have needed to (thanks to Danzo). Rest of 'em? Batspit bonkers.

(Also, exclucing Sarada, since I am obviously a loooooong way off her, but hopefully - dear FRACK hopefully - Sakura's gene and/or medical skills will ensure she won't go bonkers, since from reputation and such, she seems like kinda pretty chill.)



Oh, one thing I didn't mention - the new end title sequence shows all of the teams and whatnot in little flashes. Seeing Team Gai without Neji really hurts.

[Ramza00]

g) Hashirama is the reason Tsunade picked up her gambling habit.

Looks like at least one more of these to go...

Note this little Tsuande gambling habit is a retcon but also current canon.

Hashirama still being alive while Tsuande was born let alone being 4 or 8 or something messes up the timelines and the "quoted dates" that occurred throughout the manga (and to my understanding the anime as well) on how old the current ninja society is with:

• When the 1st Hokage founding the village hidden in the leaves
• The first ninja war (which Hashirama participated in)
• The second ninja war (the Sanin War and the Ame Orphans war.) Note the Ame Orphans takes place many years after the Sanin get the title of Sanin it was a long war.
• The third ninja war (Kannabi Bridge, Kakashi, Minato, Obito, Rin's war.) Note Itachi was only roughly 4 when this war takes place but somehow this war tramuatized the young child and Itachi was 21 when he died. Minato was barely hokage before the night the kyubi attacked the villiage hidden in the leaves.

Whatever timelines do not matter that much even though it frustrates me. The story matters far more

I forget when they say it but soon they're gonna bring up why the Uchiha eyeballs do the things they do and how it means every single one of them without fail has the potential to be as bad as Madara both in terms of evil and power if someone they love a lot has a bad spill.

Being smart, the second hokage made them all the cops.

The series would be a lot better if it stopped given justifications to Danzo's purge.

We have argued about this in the past years ago about what the 2nd Hokage said exactly and whether he is a reliable narrator on this part. But to me dramatically simplify I do not think the 2nd Hokage is saying the Uchihia are predisposed to evil per say, but instead they are more predisposed to PTSD and other things involving attachment, anxiety, and so on. This does not destined you to be evil but it does increase the "odds ratio" of specific disorders.

And sometimes people do stupid emotional things for that is a part of being human, and this emotional things is not limited to the Uchihia.

[Rater202]

(Also, exclucing Sarada, since I am obviously a loooooong way off her, but hopefully - dear FRACK hopefully - Sakura's gene and/or medical skills will ensure she won't go bonkers, since from reputation and such, she seems like kinda pretty chill.)

The only issue with Sarada as far as I can tell is that she's into Boruto.

For reasons that will become obvious by the time you reach the end, if you don't already know, that needs to have a stop put to it.

Anyway, what the translation I read said is, essentially, that the Sharingan is triggered and powered by mental stress and trauma and as a side effect the Uchiha are more prone to becoming stressed or truamatized--citing specifically that they're basically garrunteed to either go insane or become sociopaths if the person they love most dies.

Which is consistent with Sasuke's behavior ever since he learned the truth about Itachi. He's basically been having an extended, increasingly more severe, psychoatic break from then till... Basically now.

[Lord Raziere]

The only issue with Sarada as far as I can tell is that she's into Boruto.

For reasons that will become obvious by the time you reach the end, if you don't already know, that needs to have a stop put to it.

Oh yeah your point on that is great. Makes a fantastic basis for an anti-shipping fan fic where the rest of New Rookie Nine find out about the genetics involved- probably explained by new snake boy no less- and have to work to stop them from ever getting together to save the world in a ridiculous comedy.

[Ramza00]

Is Snake-Boy the Hinata for the next generation?

[LaZodiac]

Is Snake-Boy the Hinata for the next generation?

No, he's Neo Team 7's Sakura. Sarada is the Naruto and Boruto is the Sasuke.

The Hineta is like...technically evil science lady from the science lab of science.

[khadgar567]

mitsuki aka snake boy basicly sai from first series sarada is uchiha version of hinata and kawaki basicly rehashed sasuke uchiha. while cho cho and sumire are basicly represent ino and tenten fom the old cast.

[Aotrs Commander]

Well, as Age of Wonders 3 is really struggling to hold my interest, it's time for another round of:

Bleakbane Catches Up With Naruto

My True Dream

Yadayadayada, Madra is a [Richard] and Hashirama had to kill 'im and yeah, I get it. Stop flashing back repeatedly to the thing we saw three episodes ago. Come on, Naruto, you'd gotten better than this!

Aside from Hashirama totally dominating Madara's Sukonomi'd Nne Tails, not a lot to say here.

Sasuke's Answer

And finally, afer some more exposition (and the clear impression that Tobirama is nearly as much to fault as anyone), we finally get to Sasuke's biiiiig decision, his much-foreshadowed pants on-head-retarded, idiotic decision to...

... Not... let... Madara... win?

...

...

Wait, what?

No, really, WHAT.

That... Did not happen like I expected it to, after all you lot said about it.

I mean, that's... That's actually a sane, sensible decision.

Is he like, gonna get them there and then double-cross them and laugh or something, because, honestly, that might almost been the smartest decision Sasuke's ever made, otherwise.

Maybe he's got a Plan B, which is stop Madara and THEN kill everyone except himself and Bob...?

I am confused.

Hole

See, after what you lot said, I was expecting to come in here with that episode title and make jokes about the hole in question being Sasuke, and a particular type of hole at that.

Instead, we're back ith Naruto, who is just no-selling Madara and Obito's attacks with his chakra cloak!

Hah, that'll-

And Ten Tails, like an angry flesh golem, goes berserk.

Boom.

Yes. Yes, we get it. Stuff blow up a lot. Can we quit with the devastation pictures and get on with it please.

And Naruto's cloak just dropped. That can't be good.

Madara is very disappointed Naruto protected everyone.

Um, Hinata, everyone... While I do agree with the sentiment, I have to agree with Madara, based on prior experience. You guys jumping in to protect Naruto is going to do squat.

Fortunately, Madara wants to sod off, because he can sense Hashirama coming.

Meanwhile, Obito sucks him and Kakashi into the Kamui dimension.

Oh, the title is about the cacking great hole Kakashi just blew in to Obito!

Ahahahaha...ha...ha...?

...

Um, Obito, pretty sure that's... Not the Senju half of you. Shouldn't you be, I dunno, DEAD about now? With that, like six inch whole through you vital organs...?

No, apparently he doesn't have any blood, or need to breathe or anything, since a hole through you means nothing.

But we do know what happened to Rin finally and...

Huh.

She suicided. He didn't kill her on purpose to save the village, SHE killed HERSELF to save the village, just on his conveniant lightning blade.

Okay.

Colour me impressed. It's on thing to have to accept to have to die, it's another to actually have to do it like that.

Girl had balls of adamantium, as they says.

And Obito is all "I hate everything because I'm a loon" and Kakashi is daftly still trying to make 'im see sense, when he's clearly nuttier than an entire peanut packing factory. Complex. World.

In the material plane, Ten Tails is transforming again and... That looks remarkably unpleasant. It is, like, extruding its own internal organs...? This ain't goood, either way...

But how bad it is going to get will have to wait for next time.

[Ramza00]

Well, as Age of Wonders 3 is really struggling to hold my interest, it's time for another round of:

Bleakbane Catches Up With Naruto

My True Dream

Yadayadayada, Madra is a [Richard] and Hashirama had to kill 'im and yeah, I get it. Stop flashing back repeatedly to the thing we saw three episodes ago. Come on, Naruto, you'd gotten better than this!

Aside from Hashirama totally dominating Madara's Sukonomi'd Nne Tails, not a lot to say here.

While it seems like a waste of time for it reduces narrative flow, it is important to have these moments in order to understand better necro Madara and why Madara made all the choices he did. Madara and Obito are different even if they share the same goal and thus it is important to understand the "contradictions" of each world view of how they see humanity.

[Traab]

While it seems like a waste of time for it reduces narrative flow, it is important to have these moments in order to understand better necro Madara and why Madara made all the choices he did. Madara and Obito are different even if they share the same goal and thus it is important to understand the "contradictions" of each world view of how they see humanity.

Plus it really helps to drive home the difference here. All these other legendary ninja we have to deal with a fairly short verbal explanation of why they are badasses, but Madera is meant to be IMPORTANT. Therefore we need to see that he and hashirama were doing damage on par with this entire combined ninja army just from the two of them scrapping it up. That he is so powerful he takes the kyuubi and made it stronger just to try and fight his rival. Kyuubi, the guy who took on like 5 other bijuu not half an hour ago and decimated them during his and narutos first fusion. Madera made him stronger. (Yes he lost, but that just means hashirama is even more of a monster than that) It helps drive home the scale of this enemy.

[Aotrs Commander]

None of which means I need to see the river side scene, or the talking on the cliff scene more than once, and certainly not once per episode in wo episodes back to back, when it itself was only two episodes ago, anymore than I need or wanted to see Sasuke and Sakura's scene when he left the village in near-full repeated as flashback TWO EPISODES IN A ROW.

It's just not necessary and is both poor presentation and storytelling.

Sure, flashbacks are fine and in a show as long-running as Naruto, I accept some level of repetation from old stuff.

I DO NOT appreciate things been repeatedly smashed into my head, while the writers dances around shrieking into megaphones "did you get it? Do we need to say it again louder? Look, see, this is the thing we're talking about again!"

I find it very actively detracts from what they are trying to do, like they think I'm frelling stupid or a goldfish.

For frack's sake, if it's that important, have a pre-teaser montage before the episode in question like TV shows do. It's not like, on occasion, the show doesn't recap the end of the previous episode anyway. It's all WAY less incongrous there than slapped in the middle of the story while shouting "DO YOU REMEMBER THIS BIT! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!!!!" and metaphorically scribbling a giant circle around it in neon pink marker.

Let your damn story stand on its own, frag dammit.

[Rater202]

On the Sasuke thing...

Basically, he isn't aiming to kill everyone anymore.

He took the wrong lesson from what was told but...

Okay, you know the bit about the Uchiha going insane when the person they love the most dies?

that basically happened after Sasuke learned the truth about Itachi--part of Sasuke still loved his older brother more than anything, and when "he was good all along" was revealed to him he went on an extended psychoatic break that didn't end until he had the chat with zombie Itachi.

Basically, he was insane for most of part two, now he's relativly sane again.

But he still needs to have the proper lessons beat into him later.

Spoiler: courtesy in case you'd rather wait and see

Show

Now he's planning a variation on what Nagato was up to.

Sasuke plans to take Madara down, and then take the power of the Ten Tails for himself and then kill the Five Kage and everyone else who supports the Status Quo that makes situations like like what happened with his brother necessary.

He then intends to establish himself as some kind of Immortal Demon--the Boogie Man who all the nations of the world must united together against and never dare think about warring amongst themselves lest he capitalize on their weakness.

Basically, he plans to become the Devil so that no one else will end up the way he did.

[Ramza00]

None of which means I need to see the river side scene, or the talking on the cliff scene more than once, and certainly not once per episode in wo episodes back to back, when it itself was only two episodes ago, anymore than I need or wanted to see Sasuke and Sakura's scene when he left the village in near-full repeated as flashback TWO EPISODES IN A ROW.

It's just not necessary and is both poor presentation and storytelling.

Lots of the Naruto Anime is poor storytelling so your criticism here should apply to the entire show and not this specific scene. Much of the naruto anime is too long and too drawn out.

But this was actually one of the scenes you need the repetition to get Madara your Necromancer (that you have claimed in the past.)

I may write something later to explain what I am meaning (or I may not and just remain cryptic.) But the repetition of the river scene, and also the river scene being the divided line is powerful visual symbolism and visual symbolism you only get via repetition. You need Madara to keep coming back here to this river where Madara changes but the river is still there. The river is the constant in Madara's life no matter how much he changes there will always be a river (and the river may change itself too but there is still a river) and Madara loves and hates the river simultaneously. The river is why Madara seeks out / pursues the Eye of the Moon Plan.

I may write out pointing out some of the important differences between Obito and Madara for they pursue the Eye of the Moon Plan for very different reasons. They both find the world unsatisfying for fundamentally different reasons, with them pursuing different types of joy (for as another anime character once said (I paraphrase) there is no one fixed form of joy, and that is your mistake is not understanding that, in fact it is your confusion.)

But yeah the river scene is important, very important to so many visual metaphors that you only will get if it was beaten into your skull.

Spoiler: courtesy in case you'd rather wait and see

Show

Now he's planning a variation on what Nagato was up to.

Sasuke plans to take Madara down, and then take the power of the Ten Tails for himself and then kill the Five Kage and everyone else who supports the Status Quo that makes situations like like what happened with his brother necessary.

He then intends to establish himself as some kind of Immortal Demon--the Boogie Man who all the nations of the world must united together against and never dare think about warring amongst themselves lest he capitalize on their weakness.

Basically, he plans to become the Devil so that no one else will end up the way he did.

Spoilers but Comparing Sasuke to another Anime Character from a different show and using this different show to explain Sasuke's plan.

Spoiler

Show

Sasuke is effectively planning to become Schneizel and the Sword of Damacles plan. An eternal present, not a dream, and there will be conflict but no super conflict that is world war scale. Somehow this world will be satisfactory to Sasuke and to others. Aka Sasuke things Schneizel's plan will somehow work and once it works it will be somehow satisfactory.


But it will be a living hell for Sasuke but he will endure it for that is the nature of an Avenger, that is the nature of a shinobi for that is Itachi's nature. While Sasuke sought revenge for his clan, Itachi took all the pain onto himself to spare other people pain. And Sasuke became Itachi in a way when Sasuke realize revenge will not make him happy, so he figures he will immiate / act / ape his brother for maybe Itachi's path will make him happy. Yes this is a stupid plan for it will not make everyone happy and it will make Sasuke miserable but Sasuke is still working through his various pains. Since he is avoiding his pains he figures he will just imitate the people he admires much like a 6 year old will imitate their 36 year old father as a mental shortcut for the 6 year old needs time and life experience to process life and until then the 6 year old will just immiate people they admire in a mimetic / meme / mimicry / mimesis form of way.

Note what Sasuke is doing he is thinking visually and not synthesizing opposites. He now has two circles like two venn diagrams and he is still not resolving the contradictions of these two circles when you overlap them. He wants to be both the avenger and he wants to be the one who endures which is the Shinobi / Itachi way (this is why he asks the Hokages what is the nature of the shinobi for he wants to understand Itachi for he sees Itachi's works and he weeps but he does not understand them...yet.) Somehow Sasuke plans to find a path between the two visions of his own nature and living true to Itachi's way and walk the narrow path between them.

This is a very old idiom that gets reworked many ways in different cultures but I like the song version of it.

Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right,
here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

One form of extreme on the left, one form of the extreme on the right, and wisdom (buddhist version) or the way (taoist version) is walking the path between two extremes.

[Traab]

None of which means I need to see the river side scene, or the talking on the cliff scene more than once, and certainly not once per episode in wo episodes back to back, when it itself was only two episodes ago, anymore than I need or wanted to see Sasuke and Sakura's scene when he left the village in near-full repeated as flashback TWO EPISODES IN A ROW.

It's just not necessary and is both poor presentation and storytelling.

Sure, flashbacks are fine and in a show as long-running as Naruto, I accept some level of repetation from old stuff.

I DO NOT appreciate things been repeatedly smashed into my head, while the writers dances around shrieking into megaphones "did you get it? Do we need to say it again louder? Look, see, this is the thing we're talking about again!"

I find it very actively detracts from what they are trying to do, like they think I'm frelling stupid or a goldfish.

For frack's sake, if it's that important, have a pre-teaser montage before the episode in question like TV shows do. It's not like, on occasion, the show doesn't recap the end of the previous episode anyway. It's all WAY less incongrous there than slapped in the middle of the story while shouting "DO YOU REMEMBER THIS BIT! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!!!!" and metaphorically scribbling a giant circle around it in neon pink marker.

Let your damn story stand on its own, frag dammit.

Yeah I agree there, even just youtube binging I see way too many of the same damn flashbacks over and over again. Just to warn you, it gets worse.

[Ramza00]

Yeah I agree there, even just youtube binging I see way too many of the same damn flashbacks over and over again. Just to warn you, it gets worse.

Oh it gets so much worse., so utterly worse.

You will be wanting an end to it all soon.

I say this yet at the same time I point out the need for the Madara flashbacks, it is the other flashbacks that need to be cut, and the Madara flashbacks could be better by not being done all at once.

[Aotrs Commander]

Oh it gets so much worse., so utterly worse.

You will be wanting an end to it all soon.

Well, that is encouraging, coming to today's trio of episodes after a bad week, having rage-quit Age of Wonders 3 after spending a good two hours of doing NOTHING but playing "gotcha" at every. Single. Turn.

*sigh*

Bleakbane Catches Up With Naruto

Where were we?

Oh yeah, Ten-Tails, so Naruto is having a slightly worse day than me.

...

Yeah, that doesn't actually help.

(Never does, actually; there's always people having worse days than me unfortunately.)

Something to Fill the Hole

Well, at least the title made me smirk, since it made me think of Cinema Snob and "Will it fit...?"

Dn-da, dn-da, dn-da...

Your Ten-Tail evloved into Vileplume!

Yeah, Sakura? That speech about Naruto being everyone's comrade is great, but I really don't think there's much they can do help...

Or... Or Shikamaru could Have A Plan.

Go Ino, go Ino, go Ino! Way to link to everyone (something Inochi struggled with while attached to special machinery ust to speak to them) and you're doing something much harder! Ino is on fracking FIRE today.

Meanwhile, Kakashi is verbally beating down Obito something hard...

Aaaaand the giant ball is still blasting through the collective walls - is this it for B?

Bwa?

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

Minato just freaking teleported the attack away!

Naruto is like casually "hey, Dad!" and poor Sakura is like, "what the actual frack?"

Sure Naruto, SAKURA is your girlfriend. I mean, it's not like Hinata is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE.

The Hokages arrive!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh my Lichemaster!

Madara is practically juumping up beside himself with excitement to fight the First and Hashirama just shuts him down and he has a little sulk. Oh my frack, that's just priceless!

Unholy fracking crap! Minato can use the Nine-tails Chakra cloak! What the actual fra-

You know what? forth Hokage. Frack it. cool.

Oh, yeah, ah, guys, remember the old android saying: 001100111011000111100, "don't stand around jabbering when you're in mortal danger!" Ten-Tails is still attacking...

And the four Hokages just freaking seal it off, boom, like that! With a variant of the Sound Four's purple wall thingy! Ahahahahaha!

(Okay, if you need four Kage-level shinobi to create that wall, how in the merry hell did anyone ever use it before...?)

Saskue. Gotta make the entrance don't you?

*sigh*

Brace for Stupid.

He's here to "protect the Leaf now." Suuuure. And right after...

"And after, I will..." Here we go...

"...become hokage."



...

...

...

...

...



...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Sasuke! Hokage! Want!

I Can't!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

Ahahahahahahahaha!

Aha.

Wow.

(Seriously, I had to pause the DVD for a few minutes.)

You know what, Sasuke?

I can forgive alsmost anything that makes me laugh.

So, you know? Consider yourself on probation.

Because that is just too funny. (*image of Sasuke, i the office, wearing the hat, doing the paper work, really peeved* "I deeply regret my decision!")

Honestly, I'm so glad you guys didn't let that slip, because I had NO IDEA that was where he was going there.

I really thought he was gonna go full "because I want to destroy the Leaf myself, muahahaha!" on us.

But no.

Hell, I can almost sort of approve.

You guys said he took the wrong lesson away!

But clearly, the lesson Sasuke took away from all of this is "everyone is a [expletiving] moron who fracked it up totally, so the only way to fix it is to do it your bloody self!"

Which is basically the right lesson! (A right lesson, anyway.) He's not even wrong! I can actually relate!

To Sasuke!

(Wow, he really must be Still Clearly Evil...

Oh ye gods, I just got it, he's really been Ninja Starlight Glimmer, all along hasn't he?)

I have, rarely, been in the sitation where I have been rooting for Sasuke.

This makes the first that I am genuinely grateful for his presence, because BOY did I need that laugh today.

"We should all aspire to be Hokage!" says Hinata.

Hinata as Hokage. Yeah, okay. I'd take that, definitely!

Or Akamaru...

And Team Seven assembles to kick arse, and it is actually not painfully and depressing like I expected.

I tip my helmet to you, show.

(Now watch me immeditately regret those words...)



Team 7 Assemble!

No. No, I do not.

Hashrima creates a load of clones to open wholes to go attack the Ten-Tails - and one to fight Madara...

Who...

Just sists down and sulks because it's not the real one!

Ahahahahahahahaha!

He is such a [Richard]!

Ten Tails creates a Conveniant Horde Of Things To Kill.

We have a little Sakura flashback, mid-punch and...

Diamond seal!

She's been filling that up the entire time for three years? Pahahahahahahahaha!

The look on Naturo's face as that thing flies past, he's like-

UNHOLY [EXCREMENT]!!!!

It just accelerated as it went past them and freaking boom!

Bahahahahahahahahahaha!

Frackin' A, Sakura, frackin' A!

And now Kiba is angrily trying to show off! He can make a shadow clone! Uh, well, done, I'm guessing there's more to-

Oh, THREE headed wolf.

Yeah, that makes-

UNHOLY FRACKING CRAP!

Ahahahahahahaha! Buzzsaws right through them all!

And then Shino leaps in, with a mighty punch.

That does nothing.

And a little beetle crawls up his hand.

And I'm laughing, 'cos I know this is gonna be awesome now, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And the monster thingy is like "eh?" completely nonplussed to the point it's just standing there.

And BOOM giant beetle explodes inside of you!

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Nice!

And Hinata goes, "right then, I'm just gonna to 64 palm strike now thanks, ghost Neji! And then make my lion-head-hands and imply I'm going to do that next time WITH MY LION-HANDS," because oh my frack, that's gunna hurt.

Team 10 is not to be out-done, so they use Ino as a targeting system, Shika as the guidence and turn Choji ino a giant death yoyo!

Bahahahahahahahahaha!

An then Sai swoops in...

...and Ten-Tail's urks just no-sell him.

AAAAAhhahahahahahahahaha!

Dude, that's just harsh!

"Oh no," says Sai. "We're all doomed. Doomed, I tell you, doomed in case you didn't hear me the first time."

So Team Seven Summons Everyboss.

Team Seven, ya just can't let the others have anything with being outdone, can you?



The New Three-Way Deadlock

Unholy fracking crap, that's Gamaikichi?

I didn't recognise it even until Naruto said so!

Dang!

And off they go. Naruto and Sasuke just pummelling through all the things, and Sakura just goes "well, I'mma just heal the entire shinobi force at once, right now!"

Clerics, eh? Sakurazilla!

And boom! Sasuke and Naruto burst through Ten-Tail's laughable defencs and hit it with two justu... Really big justu... That combine into one attack!

I should probably mad about thgis, but you know, frack it!

Ahahahahahaha!

And now Ten-Tails is on unextinguisahable fire!

You tell 'im to burn, Sasuke!

(Yeah, it's gonna hax outta that, ain't it)

(Seriously, though Sasuke telling it to burn and diusplaying emotion is cool.)

And then we're with Roachy, as he Karin and Suigetsu go to save Tsunade.

Psh. yeah. fine, she's been cut in half, so just stick the bits back together and apply chakra and she'll walk it off.

Hah!

Roachy, please stop talking taking about how you want to feel Sasuke's win. It makes you sound like you want to revel in his farts and that is an image I don't need.

You know your a frack-up when Orochimaru has to actually snap at you for bickering.

Karin is, frankly, FREAKING crazy, and dear frag does Sasuke does not deserve that.



Well.

That was two stellar and one half-stellar and then okay episodes. I really needed that today, so thank you Naruto, and can we please be more like that all the time, it's much more freaking awesome.

[Rater202]

On Minato having a Fox Cloak.

If you remember, the Fourth explicitly summoned the Death God with the Shiki Fuin to rip out the Yin half of Kurama's soul and with it, the Yin half of it's Chakra.

When one uses the Shiki Fuin, the Death God eats your opponent's soul, it also eats your soul and then you and your opponet do battle for all of eteity in the Death God's stomach.

At some point, while fighting Kurama's Yin in the Grim Reaper's tummy, Minato got the bright idea to just seal it in himself.

[Aotrs Commander]

On Minato having a Fox Cloak.

If you remember, the Fourth explicitly summoned the Death God with the Shiki Fuin to rip out the Yin half of Kurama's soul and with it, the Yin half of it's Chakra.

When one uses the Shiki Fuin, the Death God eats your opponent's soul, it also eats your soul and then you and your opponet do battle for all of eteity in the Death God's stomach.

At some point, while fighting Kurama's Yin in the Grim Reaper's tummy, Minato got the bright idea to just seal it in himself.

Yeah, they showed that in flashback, but by the time they got to that I'd already just gone "Forth Hokage, that's good enough explanation!"

[Lord Raziere]

yeah, thats kind of the insanity Sasuke went to. none of us really expected it either at the time. but he really did take the wrong lesson away from this, which is "I'm going to become Hokage! despite everyone hating me and I have no legal right or authority to actually make this happen other than the end of my lightning-tipped blade."

when he could've y'know been like "I screwed up, I'm not really better than any of you in how this all turned out, so I'm just going to try and not screw things up anymore."

sure its a different direction, but its still Sasuke being insane. mostly because he thinks he is the guy to fix all of this when he has done nothing but either mope around speaking tersely or fight people for stupid reasons. Its like a soldier shooting a guy, going rogue for years, killing dudes as a terrorist while proclaiming his vengeance against the military, then comes back to help against some other terrorists while proclaiming that he wants to be the general of the army, thats not some guy you welcome back, thats a crazy person with delusions of grandeur.

your getting near the crazier parts now though. Sasuke declaring hes going to be Hokage and start working as a team with Naruto was when its started to really climb upwards in insanity when we thought it would not get any crazier.

[LaZodiac]

The best part of this section is Madara being like "AAAH, BROTHER!" and the first Hokage being "I'll deal with you in a second!" and just ****ing off and Madara's face going through like twelve different emotions at once.

It's really astounding how, when Naruto IS good, it's REALLY good.