What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic

[animorte]

3765.) A Bushel of Biscuits
3766.) Pinch Perfect
3767.) The Diaper Diner

[Bohandas]

3768.) a literal wall of text
3769.) psionic scrolls consisting of psionic tattoos that have been flayed off of people, tanned, and rolled up
3770.) Hypercomplex Numerology
3771.) The Tragedy of Comedy
3772.) Neumeronicus Neuronicus
3773.) Horton Hears Some Phat Beats
3774.) Horton Hears A Whom
3775.) The Book of Profit
3776.) The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelettes
3777.) Spears of Power
3778.) Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins
3779.) Fantastic Lies And How to Tell Them
3780.) The Book of Recitations
3781.) Of Mice and Other Mice
3782.) The Outrigger Veda
3783.) "The Three Caskets" or "Triple Casket"
3784.) The Mediocre Book
3785.) Codex Gygax

[Rockphed]

3786.) Pelor the Pelor
3787.) The Ordinances of the Priests of Old Thay
3788.) Doubt in the Mind: Crafting Subtle Illusions
3889.) Gangsters Over Greyhawk
3890.) Temple Architecture in New Draconia

[Bohandas]

3891.) The Joy of Failure
3892.) A Record of Atrocities
3893.) Practical Hamartiology
3894.) Applied Death Studies
3895.) Game Theoretic Underpinnings of the Aligned Planes
3896.) Manifold Manifolds
3897.) Practical Atrocities
3898.) The Screw and More

3899.) Numerology of the Selfless Herd
3900.) The Dark Art of Tidying Up
3901.) The Pawn
3902.) The Pauper
3903.) The Extended Genome
3904.) The Origin of Miracles
3905.) The Blind Watcher
3906.) The Book of Virile Darkness
3907.) Bedknobs and Boomsticks
3908.) The Little Sahuagin
3909.) River out of Pandemonium

[Rockphed]

3907.) Bedknobs and Boomsticks

I think you mean "bread knots and boomsticks".
3910.) The art of war profiteering
3911.) Twiddle Your Wickersham
3912.) Puddle to the Sea

[animorte]

3913.) Illumination Rumination
3914.) Bard, the Beetle
3915.) Pinning the Tail, How to Disguise Your Donkey
3916.) Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes: Chakras and Yoga
3917.) Lead, Holster, Squeeze, and Throes: A Guide to Firearms
3918.) Bed, Colder, Fleece, and Clothes: A Guide to Sleeping Warm
3919.) Flapjacks vs Pancakes? Jack's Struggle: Cake Addiction (an autobiography)
3920.) Pick Your Brains: A Guide for Young Illithids

[Bohandas]

3921.) Push Brooms and Breadsticks
3922.) The Lesser Key of Revelin'
3923.) The Ars Gauche
3924.) The Book of Seven Thunders
3925.) The Book of Reveling
3926.) Works and Deeds
3927.) The Lesser Key of Silicon
3928.) The Key of Salmon
3929.) The Lesser Key of Slenderman
3930.) Sedimentary Dominion
3931.) The Ars Gojira

[Lord Torath]

3754.) Master List of Santa's Political Opponents

(did I already say Master List of Santa's Political Opponents before?)

A Quick "Find" in my spreadsheet only found one instance of Santa: 3754.

3786.) Pelor the Pelor
3787.) The Ordinances of the Priests of Old Thay
3788.) Doubt in the Mind: Crafting Subtle Illusions
3889.) Gangsters Over Greyhawk
3890.) Temple Architecture in New Draconia

We somehow skipped a hundred titles here, making the latest entry:

3831.) The Ars Gojira

[Rockphed]

3832.) Sticksation
3833.) Cows Have Always Existed
3834.) Pronouncements of a Bored Child
3835.) Pronouncements of a Bored Child 2: What Are You Doing?

[Malphegor]

3581) Player's Handbook, Dungeons and Dragons -8th edition
3582) Dungeon Master's Guide, Dungeons and Dragons -8th edition
3583) Monster Manual, Dungeons and Dragons -8th edition

Ooh this would be fun to toss in a game lol as the overall details would be right- fire or acid hurts trolls, hydras grow more heads, etc, but the specifics are always slightly different edition to edition, like whether mimics and vargoyilles can talk or not or if warforged have souls and so on. Just useful enough to be a bonus to some knowledge type check but just useless enough to be confusing to explain failures

[HumanFighter]

(3836) "How to Properly Clean Your Orbs" by Harry Testimus, the Orb Collector
(3837) "The Crack, The Jack, and The Abjuration Spell Gone Wrong" An entertainment book for wizards, by Nong Firebelly.
(3838) "The Unfathomable Rod" by Joses Lempy.
(3839) "The Wizard Who Only Knew Counterspells" by John Morgahurtz.

[Metastachydium]

3840. Instructions for the Netherworld (no author; quadragesimo-octavo format; held in a glass display case, inclined at an 84° angle; consists of thin sheets of gold foil spearated by sheets of parchment, with crude inscriptions in an angular alphabet on the foil);
3841. An Illuminated Guide to Wintertime Songbirds and How to Help Them (no author; folio book bound in canvas with many illustrations, all in colour);
3842–3849. The Mole's Cookbook; vols. 1–8 (no author; 8 thick books bound in soft leather containing recipes of dishes prepared from gnomes; vols. 3 and 8, that is, Soups and Desserts show signs of more extensive use than the rest);
3850. The Book of the Liar, transcribed as heard by Khefit Musa, Holder of the Whip (a lengthy, at least partly fictional travelogue bound in crocodile hide);
3851. Hortensa's Chief Elements of Rhetorics (octodecimo book with marbled covers; perused often);
3852. Baro's Compendium on Oratory (cheap, canvas-bound edition; perused often);
3853. The Practice of the Tongue, by Agaton Rhetor (octavo book, with the text rubricated elegantly and often; shows signs of extensive use);
3854. The Practice of the Throat, by Agaton Rhetor (as above);
3855. Agaton Rhetor's Collected Orations (duodecimo book with gilded covers, showing wear and tear and with marginalia from an unknown hand);
3856. Soliloquia, by Agaton Rhetor (octavo book; a more recent edition than the Practices);
3857. Through the Wounds, by Batasat of the Black Bridge (duodecimo notebook; a manuscript collection of poems with a strong fixation on the themes of vampirism and decay);
3858. The Horned Beast, by Junior Elder Isaader Santakis (at least 9 specimens of various editions; none seems to ever have been opened);
3859. The Wealth of Andventures [sic!] of One Ros the Clever (no author; duodecimo book bound in faded red leather; the middle of the pages with the entire text has been carved out to make room for an ancient lead tablet inscribed with pictograms);

[Rockphed]

3860.) The Annals of the Cult of the Great Tree of Psyloboros (300 pages in no less than 12 hands recording the foundation and rituals of a tree cult. Extensive marginalia shows that at least 3 subsequent tree cults have used this book.)

[Metastachydium]

3861. The Bountiful Shallows by a certain "Urist" (a small but luxuriously decorated and quite thick volume on ways to capture and process merfolk, and to market their various body parts);

[Bohandas]

3862.) a holy book enchanted to append the fake bible verse from Pulp Fiction to the end of whatever passage is currently being read
3863.) art folio: Gray Pictures of Durian Fruits
3864.) The Wisdom of Slaloming
3865.) Math With Disturbing Drawings
3866.) Ode to a Greasy Urn
3867.) Subpar Horror in Literature
3868.) The Illuminated Guide to the Illuminati
3869.) Order In The Grid

EDIT:

3870.) Spores Illustrated

[Metastachydium]

3871. The Annal of the Long Road, by Gerborg the Posthumous (octavo book bound in black leather, documenting instances of succesful predation by an unspecified creature);
3872. The Annal of the Cartwheel, by Gerborg the Poshumous (same format; documents disappearences along a four mile stretch of a highway over a year);
3873. Pale Histories, by Gerborg the Psothumous ("the Posthumous" struck through with red ink, with two notes from the same hand scribbled underneath: "the Lesser, not the same" and "try as she might"; impossibly thick octodecimo book with brown and yellow marbled covers, presenting the last days of several hundred commoners in detail);
3874. The Time of the Orc, by Letterman Melanpus (comparative treatise on various forms of Orc battle magic, with a political manifesto for an epilogue; part of the latter has been torn out);
3875. The Great Seals, by Bloutos the Sea-Man (folio book bound in thick, brown-gray leather; contains a practical anatomy of dire pinnipeds; on the fifth page, there is a handwritten note in broad, irate cursive reading "got to be kidding me"; the book is tucked behind a whole row of other books);
3876. The Great Seals, by Bleatta of the Helm (folio book with sturdy hardwood tables for covers; contains high arcane sigils reproduced on magically inert vellum, with notes and descriptions);

[Bohandas]

3877.) a numerological research paper attempting to determine/disambiguate whether a certain mystical property of numbers is keyed to their digit sum, their digital root, or their ones place in base 9
3878.) a paper attempting to explain alignment in terms of polar coordinates rather than the traditional cartesian-style law-chaos and good-evil axiis
3879.) a text positing a heirarchy of the outer gods in which Yog-Sothoth is the most primal, presiding over space and time and the fundamental fields, azathoth is below him ruling over matter and field excitations, shub-niggurath is below azathoth and rules over life and biological evolution, and Nyarlathotep ruling over thought and memetic evolution. Each of them arising out of the one before them. Additionally, Azathoth IS the music made by his servitors and Yog-Sothoth is the instrument, and if the servitors were ever to stop playing all matter and energy in the universe would disappear.
3880.) A treatise proposing that deities, overdeities, and arch-exemplars have the same total power level, but spread across different areas; Overgods have absolute control over relatively small areas, and exemplar lords have limited influence over wide swathes of the multiverse. Ordinary deities are somewhere in-between.
3881.) a document arguing that the malevolent supernatural entities Loi-Goi, Lloigor, and Eligor are all simply different garbled names for the same entity
3882.) Uncle Satan's Big Book of Death Spells
3883.) The Two Rites of Reversing
3884.) The Music of the Strings
3885.) Reflections On Optics
3886.) The White Winged Dove
3887.) The One-Winged Dove
3888.) The Devil With 1000 Masks
3889.) A Hateful Sky
3890.) Quaint And Curious Forgotten Lore Vol 1-7
3891.) The Maven
3892.) The Books of Drowning
3893.) The Little Engine That Could Summon Spirits and Move Things With Its Mind
3894.) The Little Engine That Could See Dead People
3895.) The Little Engine That Could Have Been A Contender
3896.) The Bopit Necronomicon
3897.) Where Sanity Ends
3898.) A Brief History of the Sages
3899.) Harmonious Principles/Principles of Harmony
3900.) The Book of the Submanifold
3901.) On Profane Disease
3902.) The Very Hungry Cannibal
3903.) Death, The Afterlife, and Everything
3904.) Sammy the Gerbil and his Muffin Adventure*

EDIT:
3905.) a response to #3879 with the heirarchy switched around

*(cf the Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode with the angel and the juggalos)

[Rockphed]

3906.) The Care and Maintenance of Turbo-Encabulators.
3906.) Johnny Biscuit is a Big Idiot and I Hate Him Forever

[catagent101]

3908.) A Practical Guide to Mundane Electricity by Nikita Tesla
3909.) No More Groundhog Days: Time Loop Avoidance For Time Wizards by Phil Connors, Haruhi Suzumiya et al.
3910.) Wizard Comics #1

[Metastachydium]

3911. The Manual of the Watch-Maker, by A. C. Lubek (small book bound in black canvas with detailed instructions for assembling mechanical timepieces);
3912. The Manual of the Giant, by Ah-Hassal, Fifth Logothete of the Court (folio book bound in black leather with gilded corners and an intricate symbol in red pressed into the front; a paraenetical treatise for theocrats-in-training);
3913. The Book of the Serpent (empty octavo book with a resetting Sepia Snake Sigil on each page);
3914–3945. The Comprehensive Archontology of All Realms and Provinces, fasc. 1, 4–19, 27–29, 41–52 (quarto format; bound in faded yellow-brown paper barely thicker or better in quality than the cheap matter used for the pages);

[Bohandas]

3946.) Lobsters And Their Kin*
3947.) The Declaration of Chemical Dependence
3948.) Two Super Mario Brothers From Verona
3949.) Mobsters and Their Kind
3950.) Defective Comics
3951.) The Shellfish Gene
3952.) The Queen In Red
3953.) Space and the Devil
3954.) What the Walrus Said to The Oyster
3955.) playbill from "Best Little Shop of Horrors in Texas"

*(from a Future Worm episode)

[Lord Torath]

3914–3945. The Comprehensive Archontology of All Realms and Provinces, fasc. 1, 4–19, 27–29, 41–52 (quarto format; bound in faded yellow-brown paper barely thicker or better in quality than the cheap matter used for the pages);

I'm going to count this as a single entry with multiple volumes.

That means our most current entry is:

3924: playbill from "Best Little Shop of Horrors in Texas"

[Killerkat]

3956) Guess What Spell I Prepared on the Book This Morning - a book depicting how to cast 'fun' spells like Explosive Runes, Glyph of Warding and Nharly's Wicked Word. Only works on the book, unfortunately.

[Metastachydium]

I'm going to count this as a single entry with multiple volumes.

You know what, that's fair. Can't blame me for trying though!

39563925) Guess What Spell I Prepared on the Book This Morning - a book depicting how to cast 'fun' spells like Explosive Runes, Glyph of Warding and Nharly's Wicked Word. Only works on the book, unfortunately.

Is it near the Book of the Serpent by any chance?