Arcane Armoury (Magic Items) - Looking for feedback.

[CrazyCrab]

Hi everyone,
quite hyped to have just released my 1st proper booklet online and I was hoping that maybe you will be wiling to give me some honest feedback on it?
I put it up on DM's Guild (pay what you want, just pay 0$ to get it for free) - http://www.dmsguild.com/product/1913...=newest_in_dmg
Or just get it on Google Docs for free - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9Y.../view?ths=true
I could copy paste here, but it's over 25 pages long.

So, I'm wondering, what do you think? Do these items seem fun and/or useful? How about the formatting?
I've really gotten into the habit of making tons of homebrew stuff for 5e, so converting it all for others to use tkaes a while... it's fun though!
I really want to get better (heck, maybe even try and send something to an indie publisher) so I'll be really grateful for any feedback.

EDIT: My bad, forgot to make the link public. It should work now.
Also, Updated the title. It was sort of useless.

[khadgar567]

looks good but I can't see any thing for warlock
do you accept requests

[SilverStud]

All right sir, here is my review.

Content: 5 Stars
The items are absolutely well made. I love how you have a suggested origin as well as flavor description. The mechanics seem balanced toward careful use rather than rampant abuse. There was a large number of cursed items, but in contrast with the DMG, these curses are things you might be willing to put up with to get the benefits. I like that a lot.

Balance: 4 Stars
Some of the rarities seemed a bit low. Not many, but some I would have pegged as uncommon or rare instead of what they were.

Formatting: 5 Stars
Everything is consistent to the format you described in the intro. You were disciplined enough to keep that the whole way through. The order of information was good too. I was excited to read each mechanic after reading the fun flavor text.

Aesthetics: 5 Stars
The art is of consistent style. The medium, black pen w/ line-shading, coupled with the style, classic fantasy, work very well for the feel of your booklet.

BONUS!!!!!!!: Holy crap the materials at the end. The MATERIALS. You have created something amazing. You have made an easy way to give out cool items and have magic be present in the world without attack bonuses or spell charges. Hats off to you sir.

[CrazyCrab]

looks good but I can't see any thing for warlock
do you accept requests

Sure thing, I'm working on my next volume right now, 'DnD Modern', but after that one I'm just open for feedback.
Please drop me a comment on the site if you can as a reminder, I check the website a lot (almost a 100 downloads now, woo) so this way I won't forget too easily.

@SilverStud

Aww, you're making me blush Thanks. It's always nice to hear when people like your work.

I was sort of worried that people won't like the old-fashioned descriptions seeing how 5e does it, but personally I always liked reading them, whether it was a DnD supplement or a game like Baldur's Gate etc. so I wanted to include them. I'm glad you liked them, they made the whole process a lot harder (about twice as much typing ;) ) but I feel like they were worth it.

[quzar]

I've enjoyed it so far, and it's pretty close to on par with many 3rd party materials (well beyond in terms of layout and style). I made a list of notes on formatting and flavor, that I stopped once it got too long. See the spoiler below. If you'd be interested in similarly detailed notes for the rest of the book, let me know and I'll continue. Either way, I'll send this to a friend currently running a 5e campaign :)

Spoiler: Detailed Notes

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Cover: Within you mention the materials as the additional component. Perhaps the tag line should be reversed to maintain that division.

Page 1 : Rarity - You leave out 'Very Rare' in this block. Consider just pointing this to the table on the next page, or moving that table to this page.

Consider removing the second sentence, it implies a lack of authority. Consider what you're trying to get across to the reader, which seems to be that the powers will roughly match official items of equivalent rarity. At the least 'knowledge' should be 'ability'.

Page 2: P1: I've never seen 'in the alphabetical order' and only 'in alphabetical order' perhaps this is a regional thing?

'You can find this list on Page 0' might be more clear. I was looking for a table like a chart as opposed to just the table of contents.

P2: Consider breaking this into two sentences. 'These items were not created with buying or selling them in mind. Should you be interested in...'

P3: "... only the Dungeon Master ..." perhaps '... a good Dungeon Master ...' is what was intended? Certainly the players are adjusting to a situation if they come up with a unanticipated use!

P5: Consider using chapter designations or the page here as well. "They have been listed in the Materials chapter, starting on Page 22 below."

Page 3: Arcanist's Crown -
Is there a reason "other allied Spellcasters" is used instead of 'allied Spellcasters'? When used in the description of the bless effect, it makes it seem as though you may need 3 additional spellcasters beyond the first three to activate bless. It seems that the intent was to not count the wearer, but that's implied by allied, as you are not your own ally.

The flavor is also slightly muddled as well. It is called an arcanist's crown, but it seems to draw power from any spellcaster be they arcane or divine. Additionally, it provides the effect of a divine spell which takes away from the arcane feel.

The table here is the only one of its sort in the book. You may consider having your format list 1-2, 3-4, and 5+ instead of the current format.

Finally, I believe that properly stated "...you gain a bonus to spell attack rolls and to the saving throw DCs of your spells." would be '...you gain a bonus to spell attack rolls and to your spell save DC.' This term is used throughout the descriptions of the Wizard and Sorcerer class, as well as being present on the standard character sheet.

Page 4: Bloodbound Striker -
Other magical weapons in the DMG and here do not state that they are 'magical attacks' and I do not believe that is a proper term. You likely intended to state that attacks deal magical damage. Either way it is not necessary to state here.

"Whenever you kill a creature you gain 1d10..." This is overly broad. It should either state: 'Whenever you kill a creature with this weapon, you gain ...' or the narrower 'Whenever you kill a creature in this way, you gain ...'. If it IS meant to grant this benefit for any kill while you are attuned to it, it should specify so. This same issue applies to the description of inflicting damage which, in following with the DMG, should state something like 'When you hit a creature with under 10 Hit Points left with this weapon, ...'.

"...you may choose to inflict and additional 1d10 psychic..." should 'an' instead of 'and'. It may also be more clear to state it as '...you may choose to inflict 1d10 psychic...' so as to not imply there is other psychic damage floating around.

Boneless Costume

"You can remove the armour at will, without the need for remove curse spells." The proper keyword is 'doff' for removing (donning and doffing). Additionally, 'at will' implies you can will it off your body as opposed to just ignoring the curse part. Consider 'You may doff the armour as normal, without being targeted by the remove curse spell or similar magic.' This better matches the text in the DMG. However, in the descriptions of other cursed items you (and the DMG) always specify the remove curse requirement when it is needed. On bloodbound striker you don't mention either way. For consistency you should either remove this bit entirely, or apply similar to bloodbound striker. I would suggest that for these two items you should describe the attributes as regular, but negative, attributes of the item OR (depending on the flavour) expand the negative attribute as a curse being in effect as long as you are attuned to the item.

[CrazyCrab]

Thanks a ton, nice to hear that you liked it. Always happy to hear that maybe someone will be able to use it.
I really appreciate the feedback on formatting, I'm not very good at it so it's really helpful.

[Ze_Azrael]

As has been mentioned before, this is a great, quality product. The items are all original, evocative, and fairly well balanced (and most importantly seem fun!). The style and art is consistent, well made, and greatly enhances the experience.

Honestly I don't have much more to say other than the fact that I really liked it and plan on incorporating a couple of these into my current game. I did find a few minor mistakes so I decided to do a quick editing pass, not as 'big picture' as quzar did, in order to help you maintain the great quality of your product. (I started reading from the bottom, then read the materials. In case you're wondering about the order haha)

Spoiler: Nitpicky editing corrections

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Vendetta says 'welding it causes an intense headache', which I guess isn't quite what you mean :P Also 'the effect ends' sounds better than 'the effect disappears'. Aboleths in the MM don't speak Primordial, they speak Deep Speech. I agree that a player is hundred times more likely to speak Primordial than Deep Speech though...

For the Staff of Trickery you should probably specify what proficiency is needed to wield it. Specifically the Maul is a martial weapon (that druids and monks aren't proficient in).

Slippery Sandals say 'run' when I think you meant 'ran'

Shield Maiden's Buckler says 'norther tribe'

Pondhopper's necklace says 'two components' instead of 'two charges'

Mask of many friends says 'active its secrets' instead of 'activate its secrets'

King's cross says 'regains a d6 charges', probably should say 'regains 1d6 charges'. Also it is a bit confusing, if I am already proficient in Persuasion, do I or do I not get the spells?

Graverobber's Mittens say 'protection from all kinds or diseases'

Doomsight doesn't specify it costs a charge to cast the rays.

Materials intro under Name says 'name is generally liked to the culture', and under Flavour Text says 'plain what it material looks like'

Ogrehair's first line repeats the word 'weapon'

Warscale should say 'trying to stealthily assassinate'