Results 121 to 150 of 153
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2016-09-16, 04:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
- Location
- In the Playground, duh.
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Ah, yes. A mixture of absolutely hilarious, greatly confusing and unutterably offensive. Just how I left you.
EDIT: I remember the time I first read (what is now) comic 31, and just waiting for the massively racist punchline, and then...Last edited by Jormengand; 2016-09-16 at 05:14 PM.
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2016-09-16, 05:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Yeah, that's actually one of my favorites.
Deep down everyone, no matter their age/race/nationality/sexual orientation/political preference/religion, ultimately want the same thing. To find out what their neighbors are up to so that they can gossip about it later.
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2016-09-17, 06:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2015
- Location
- London, UK
- Gender
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2016-09-17, 11:22 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
A considerable number of them were never even uploaded. The comic went on an unplanned, 6 month hiatus when my old laptop fried; taking dozens and dozens of comics down with it. I tried to recreate the ones I could remember, but a lot of the weird nonsequitars (like the zombie apocalypse/fat girl comic) are kind of hard to piece back together; since I would occasionally just start writing crap to see what popped out without a solid punchline in mind.
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2016-09-18, 06:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
It's the chicken-or-the-egg question all over again: do women write bare-bones profiles on dating websites because guys only look at the profile pictures anyway, or do guys only look at the profile pictures because there's nothing of substance written in the profile? I do not have the answer, but I generally don't bother with anyone who doesn't even try to describe themselves.
Thankya. I've been accused of having a vicious sense of humor in the past, as Jormengand mentioned I used to run a comic strip that as I recall was once described as 'gut-wrenchingly funny and indescribably offensive', but I've never really meant to be mean-spirited. Like I said, deep down I'm just kind of an a-hole without intending to be.
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2016-10-18, 11:20 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Started going through my messages again today and found a few more.
Spoiler: I'm pretty sure this was a reference to something she said.Ya know, I've always said that I like my women like I like my coffee: dope ass.
Spoiler: She wants to find a decent conversationalist.You really shouldn't expect stellar conversation on here. I'm pretty sure most Okc users were forced to turn to online dating after the manager of their local Wendy's kicked them out for ogling customers.
The best you can expect is the occasional 'you got real perty teeth.' Or...you know. Something else, but weird.
Spoiler: She had a cat named Atari.Ya know, I once had a dog named TapeDeck. Sadly we had to get rid of him because he kept eating all our cassettes.
http://instantrimshot.com/
Spoiler: She thinks learning HTML as a kid was a waste of time. I'll show her a waste of time.Learning HTML was smart. I wasted my youth learning z-script, which seemed pretty cool at the time but was ultimately slightly less useful than learning how to make paper mache umbrellas. Had to learn HTML later in life anyway to keep my site going; so I sort of wished I'd just cut out the middleman.
Of course then I would've missed a decade of hardcore MUDs... So yeah, I definitely wish I'd skipped that.
Spoiler: She wants a cheesey pickup line.Just how cheesey a pickup line would I have to come up with? Because lady, I could write a book...
Well...probably not a book. But a nice pamphlet.
Ok, I've got like three...
Spoiler: She responded to a match question about whether or not you're happy with your life with a comment about not wanting anyone suicidal in her life.You don't have to be suicidal to be dissatisfied. I mean if a guy gets stuck in a bear trap, he's probably not happy with his life choices. Doesn't mean he's rooting for the bear to come by.
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2016-10-19, 05:45 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2016
- Location
- Norway
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Have to say the line that made me snicker loudly at work is:
I mean, you can tell me. There's no shame in writing about the sexual misadventures of John Ritter as he runs around 1930's LA facing off against Nyarlathotep with a flask of gin and a +4 Holy Avenger. I think we've all been there.
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2016-10-23, 12:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2014
- Location
- Forest, Ohio
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Just found this thread and I had to respond to it. I immediately realized that I do the exact same thing but unlike you didn't even have the social sense to realize why it didn't work out. Though I did purposely kick it up a notch one time when I found a girl annoying but didn't want to break my policy on ignoring people, strangely she responded more positively the more I did it and I wish I had kept it up instead of switching to the normal serious level.
Weirdly enough I've actually had more conversations come out of it than you but it's never gone anywhere so it doesn't matter. I even got to know a nice girl really well once and had a scheduled date and everything, but on the day before the date she canceled and blocked me with no explanation, she could have just found someone she liked better though I suppose since I'm only about average in physical attractiveness? Doesn't matter though I hope you have better luck, and the beard may be a factor in your troubles but I understand why you keep it.SpoilerI keep horrible sideburns/proto-mutton chops for the same reason.
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2016-10-23, 12:47 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- In my library
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
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2016-10-24, 07:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Location
- Paris, France
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
My workmate has an issue with his dating site.
Some girls do answer to him and he can converses with them.
They ask for his phone number(*) and give them, so they can text each other.
They agree on a date.
The girl cancels at last minute.
Not every F. time, but almost. The worst part is that the girls wants to meet him and asks when he's available at another time. But they cancel. Again and again.
So for tomorrow, he said to two different girls that he was available, expecting that at least one wouldn't be in the end. Since the two are still up for this and one was available tonight as well, he tried to free some time to see this one directly this evening. He called her, to say that he finally was available, and... Turns out she's not in the end! She's still available for tomorrow.
The other one also still is available in theory but is afraid that she will have a lot of work, so she'll keep him in touch tomorrow around 4PM.
I'm ready to bet that he'll see none of the two in the end.
I suggested that he shouldn't cancel one of them and if the two are finally available, he'll just tell them that this is a competition between the two of them. It began as a joke, but thinking about it, I would have find it amusing if someone was doing this to me.
(*): There's that girl who asked him for his phone number and then never sent a message again. Like ever. WTF?Posting from France
Sorry for my accent.
Thanks to neoseph7 for my avatar (Allen Walker from D.Gray-Man)
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2016-10-24, 01:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Location
- Tulsa, Oklahoma
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
"This is why it hurts the way it hurts.
You have too many words in your head.
There are too many ways to describe the way you feel.
You will never have the luxury of a dull ache.
You must suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much"
— Iain S. Thomas
Avatar by Qwernt
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2016-11-03, 02:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2016
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
I followed a signature link to this and it is amazing! You sir, are quite entertaining with the things you say.
Please tell me there are more snarky quotes.
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2016-11-05, 03:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
- Location
- Lakewood, Colorado
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Well, if it's any consolation, I'd love it if a woman started talking to me like that. I hope you find your she-******* someday.
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2016-11-06, 04:33 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Gender
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2016-11-12, 09:38 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Location
- Tulsa, Oklahoma
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
For background, the person who sent me that line was responding to an answer on one of OKCupid's questions that they use to judge compatibility
the question was something like " In a sense, wouldn't the apocalypse be exciting?"
To which my answer was "I don't trust anyone who says yes to this as I suspect them of being a supervillain"
I might have ignored the message I received in response
"This is why it hurts the way it hurts.
You have too many words in your head.
There are too many ways to describe the way you feel.
You will never have the luxury of a dull ache.
You must suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much"
— Iain S. Thomas
Avatar by Qwernt
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2016-11-13, 09:51 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
Prizes(Un)Official Best Playground Avatarist Competition
----
Also, buy my stuff! T-Shirts too!
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2016-11-13, 04:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
I had a similar situation with a girl a few years back. I can't remember where we met; but we'd been chatting for a while and talked to each other pretty regularly on the phone, flirted a bit and such, and then one day she mentioned that she'd just got settled in from moving for a job. I asked her where she'd moved to and it turned out it was my hometown.
I was like "Woah, kismet." So I pointed out that I passed by her work probably twice a day and offered to buy her dinner sometime since my favorite restaurant in town was just down the street from her and I was in there every few days anyway. She politely declined, deleted the accounts I talked to her under and never called me back. I guess she figured I'd just been cleverly waiting here for the past twenty some odd years to stalk her. Which is obviously ridiculous.
I mean...if I had that much prescience, I sure as hell wouldn't have told her.
I think it might be my favorite line that I've stumbled on since I started this. I've been looking for another excuse to use it.
My current theory is that I'm just too damned pretty. It intimidates them.
Heh, thankya. I'm sure there are more messages I haven't went through yet, but if not there'll always be more down the road. I can't help but make an ass out of myself sometimes.
Me too buddy, me too.
Ahahaha, sounds about like how that went down. That might've been me sure enough.
Exactly. I mean at the very least it'd be one helluva lightshow, even if it did melt you a little.
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2016-11-13, 04:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
- Location
- Calgary, AB
- Gender
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2017-01-11, 04:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
I've had a busy month, which of course means more inappropriate messages to ladies on OkCupid. Here are some of my favorites so far.
Spoiler: She claims to be the next Beethoven.So when you sit down to play the piano you pop in ear plugs and drink a lot?
Spoiler: She hid a Code Word somewhere in her profile to see who actually reads it.Now I'm not saying that *I* did it, but but CTRL-F kind of defeats your Code Word safeguard.
Spoiler: She actually responded "Best first message ever. Too bad you live so far away." :(Sorry, but I don't think yours cracked my Top 10....
Wanna take another swing at it? Maybe something more along the lines of "That's funny and observant, we should totally hang out more..." ?
Spoiler: She says she's a nerd, but doesn't really go into detail.Now when you say that you're a huge nerd, do you mean that you're like a sci-fi or fantasy fan? Or that you've tried to teach your daughter how to calculate THAC0 with you? Either's cool, but between me and you four year olds suck at filling out character sheets.
Spoiler: She commented on a match question with "I don't need a cookbook, but I don't know about culinary genius...."Yeah, they don't really give you much of a curve. It's like asking how 'in shape' you are and the answers are limited to 'I'm often crushed beneath the weight of my own pants' or 'I once lifted a semi off of a pinned child.'
Spoiler: Her favorite boardgame is based on the works of HP Lovecraft, she claims to never lose.Seems like the only way to win a board game based on Lovecraft's work would be to put it back in the mysterious crawlspace you found it in and burn the house down around it....or did I just inadvertently stumble onto your unbeatable strategy?
Spoiler: She hates people that can't hold a conversation and wants a guy to 'get his diction up.'It's estimated that somewhere around 70% of guys will have a problem getting their diction up at some point in their life; others will just never respond to oration it seems. It's a real tragedy, but then on the other hand not all ladies enjoy the cunning linguist either; so I suppose it evens out in the end.Last edited by Kid Jake; 2017-01-11 at 04:38 PM.
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2017-01-11, 05:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
- Location
- Calgary, AB
- Gender
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2017-01-11, 05:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
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2017-01-11, 06:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- In my library
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
I didn't know that I needed laughter today, but I'm glad I clicked on the thread, because I certainly got it.
I literally logged onto OkCupid a couple of minutes ago and realised that the best first message I got was approximately 'you have a spelling mistake in your profile'. Not even bothered to track down the mistake, because I spent ages writing the darn thing and honestly one spelling mistake is better than I normally do.
I'm loving the 'four year olds suck at filling out character sheets' one, because it just highlights how there's a lot more variance in being a nerd than most people seem to realise. In fact most of these are legimitately funny now, and I'm certainly hooked for more.
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2017-01-12, 02:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Glad you enjoy it.
My favorite first message was from the bored girl that suggested I should just kill myself because I look like the bastard offspring of shaved bear and an abnormally ugly monkey. Wasn't super creative trolling, but I loved how when I asked her if she kissed her syphilitic crack baby with that mouth, I was suddenly the bad guy. But you know what they say, people with ugly babies shouldn't throw stones.
Spoiler: She loves being a cashier.You've been working as a cashier for seven months and still enjoy it? Wow, you're made of tougher stuff than me. Second week on the job and about the fifth blood oath someone swore against me for not taking their expired, terrifyingly soggy coupons made me start missing the good ole days of underpaid, back-breaking manual labor.
Spoiler: She asked to open with a joke.
This cowboy's passing through some little town out in Utah well known for giving visitors a hard time. After a drink at the bar he walks outside to find his horse missing.
Taking a deep breath to calm down, he walks back inside draws his six-gun and fans the hammer; firing six shot in rapid succession and blowing the caps off of six bottles behind the bar with such accuracy they don't even spill.
Before anyone can say a word he twirls his gun, returns it to his holster and growls "You listen here you backwood SOBs, I'm going to sit down and have myself a beer. If whichever one of you worthless dogs what stole my horse doesn't put it back by the time I'm done, then I'm gonna do what I done in Texas."
Casting his eyes over the terrified crowd, the cowboy says "I don't like doing what I done in Texas. I doubt there's a man alive that likes doing what I done in Texas, but so help me God I'll do it if you force my hand."
With that he sits down, has a beer and finally walks outside to find his horse right where he left it. Just before he has a chance to ride away, the bartender bursts from the building and shouts in a voice cracking with fear "Sir, I must know....what did you do in Texas that was so horrible?"
The cowboy slowly turns to look at him and grimly replies "I walked home."
Spoiler: She claims to specialize in "Molding adolescents and making people look good!"Ok so I see where the 'making people look good' thing comes into play((she's a cosmetologist)), but where are you getting these adolescents to mold? Do you work with kids or just have access to a disproportionately large number of them?
Spoiler: She had a list of fake reviews on her profie.I'm surprised you left out:
"4/5 stars, the plot dragged on a little in the beginning but by the end of her I was on the edge of my seat."
-Random Netflix Review
Spoiler: She admits that all she can think to write concerning her hobbies is the generic 'likes having funs with friends'.To be fair, 'doing fun stuff with friends' can cover everything from baking elaborate cakes to hosting an underground panda fighting ring, so you should have all your bases covered.
Spoiler: She writes "Hi everyone! I'm Jackie and I am on here to meet men. Haha! Blunt enough for you?"A much better approach than the people who get on here like "My friends actually physically forced me to make a profile, I'm far too well adjusted to do this on my own." or my personal favorite "I don't even know what this site is. Can you order pants here?"
Spoiler: She writes "I can perform mini concerts in my car (complete with choreography)" & "I'm kind of a bad driver."Now I don't claim to be much of an expert on driving habits, but you think these might be connected?
Spoiler: She responds to a match question about owning dice with more than six sides with "Is this a game thing or a sex thing?"Could be either, although admittedly it takes a special kind of kink to shove a D20 up your ass.
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2017-01-12, 02:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
- Location
- Avatar By Astral Seal!
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Why are you single? These are examples of why any woman would be lucky to have you.
I have a LOT of Homebrew!
Spoiler: Former AvatarsSpoiler: Avatar (Not In Use) By Linkele
Spoiler: Individual Avatar Pics
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2017-01-12, 04:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- In my library
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
I don't know what's worse, the insult or the fact it's hundreds of times better than any of the first messages I've received.
Although I suppose that the fact most of mine come from men who almost certainly haven't read my profile based on the messages I've received that's hardly surprising. Because if they'd read my profile they wouldn't be sending me those sort of messages.
Spoiler: She responds to a match question about owning dice with more than six sides with "Is this a game thing or a sex thing?"Could be either, although admittedly it takes a special kind of kink to shove a D20 up your ass.
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2017-01-12, 08:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Uh, actually, in at least half of these, he unashamedly takes a solid dump on the lady he's writing to (joke at her expense). Few things could be more off-putting.
Have to say though, I loved the cunning linguist / master debater one. (That one was a joint effort, the credit has to be shared)Last edited by lio45; 2017-01-12 at 08:46 PM.
Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2017-01-12, 08:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
- Location
- Avatar By Astral Seal!
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
I have a LOT of Homebrew!
Spoiler: Former AvatarsSpoiler: Avatar (Not In Use) By Linkele
Spoiler: Individual Avatar Pics
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2017-01-12, 10:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
- Location
- Calgary, AB
- Gender
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2017-01-13, 12:30 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
On a related note, my gf was watching some real estate flipping shows on the "Home & Garden" channel this past Sunday and every time they said "master bathroom" it made me hear something else :P
(the first time they said it, I was not watching, I was doing something else in the same room (could hear the sound in the background), and it took me a second to deduce what they must have said...)Last edited by lio45; 2017-01-13 at 12:31 AM.
Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2017-01-17, 07:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
- Location
- Mayberry, NC
- Gender
Re: Why Kid Jake Is Still Single (With Examples!)
Spoiler: She often wonders about the hidden meaning of "Milkshake"I'm preeeeetty sure that the song Milkshake is about a small business owner who specializes in a casual, yet gourmet, dining experience expanding into a franchise.
Just look at the lyrics: "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, I could teach you, but I'd have to charge." It's obviously referring to franchise fees and corporate training seminars.
I mean...what other meaning could it have?
Spoiler: End Of The World type movies make her anxious.End of the world type movie are nothing to get anxious about. Zombies would pretty much sort themselves out in a week tops (notice how few animals list their main food source and #1 predator as the same creature? There's a reason for that.
Robots, no matter how fancy they seem, would probably still run on Windows and thus spend half of their time turning each other off and then back on again.
Aliens...well, yeah...aliens could probably do it. But,they haven't yet. So, you know, that's gotta count for something right?
Spoiler: She loves working retail for some horrible reason.You must be way better at sales than I was. In my experience every day was some horrifying combination of The Price is Right and Thunderdome.
So either you're a real people person, or you've got the stuff needed to run Barter Town/win the showcase.
Spoiler: She put her Snap Chat info in her profile and then specified "No **** picks!"I'm confused... Do you like Snapchat, or do you not like **** picks? You're all over the place there.