Funniest Kills In Your D&d Games

[Flameclaws]

One of the funniest ways me and my friends has killed a boss/monster is by killing a REALLY REALLY big giant with a beanstalk, basically what ended up happening is we draw the giant outside and we throw a beanstalk seed under him and it turns out to be hostile, he fights this beanstalk almost to the point of death until he finally kills it, then i just swoop in on my dragon and just finish him off (keep in mind the dm really didn't plan for us to use the seeds and we where like level 4 or 5 at the time, and this is after he sent a succubus at us at level 4)

[Mutazoia]

My 1st lvl thief had a pack mule that kicked an Orc to death before the our Barbarian could even act.

[The Bandicoot]

The NPC merchant had a mule that in the first battle of the campaign killed two out of the three attacking goblins. Thus began the story of Bob the Killer Mule.

[DigoDragon]

The NPC merchant had a mule that in the first battle of the campaign killed two out of the three attacking goblins. Thus began the story of Bob the Killer Mule.

Our party must have his cousin, Reggie. A mule wearing an aviator's cap. He was part of some random loot we found in our first victory and has been a butt-kicking member of the team since.


Funniest boss kill I remember was when the PCs dropped a flying castle on my Mind Flayer BBEG. The party's wizard was pretty useless during the fight, but when the castle took on all the flying properties of an iron ingot, her moment shined-- counterspelled every contingency the Mind Flayer had on escaping. So gravity took hold of 'em... :3

[Professor Chimp]

There was the time I brought down a flying Mature Adult Blue Dragon because my Wizard threw his familiar at it as an improvised throwing weapon.

The Dragon was badly hurt and was going to flee. My Wizard was the only once who still had a turn left. He was out of ranged spells, but under the effect of a Mass Bull's Strenght and Prayer spell. My familiar was the only thing on hand I could throw. It ended up a critical hit. So, 2x(4+1)+1=11. Turned out the Dragon was on 1 hp. It crashed to the ground hard enough to put it at -11.

Que the rest of the table going "the frag just happened?"

[Braininthejar2]

An old warhammer campaign.

1 Party fights a goblin boss who has been crossdressing, trying to emulate the witch his tribe serves - an elaborate tiara on his head.

Player: "That tiara looks expensive, try not to damage it!"

*party warrior hits, takes the goblin into negatives, critical hits table: 'the target's head gets split in half, roll weapon skill to avoid getting your blade stuck'*

2 Later, the party fights the witch herself.

Player: "Make sure to take the witch alive!"

*shoots crossbow, hits, damage dice explodes twice.*

[xroads]

I once played a bard that insulted an animated broom to death.

[Stormwalker]

Years and years ago, in my very first D&D campaign ever, my paladin charged a goblin and rolled a 1 on his attack roll. Via a bizarre sequence of 1's and 20's that followed, he...

- lost his grip on his sword, accidentally throwing it.
- crit his ally, cutting off the ally's arm (had to buy that guy a regeneration potion, not cheap!)
- crit another goblin, cutting off its head (did 2x the goblin's hp in damage, this was just how the DM described it)
- embedded his holy sword hilt-deep in a boulder (getting it out took a while, too. No, he did not end up king of Britain).

[NecroDancer]

Our monk killed a dog by using another dog as an improvised weapon.

[JAL_1138]

I've got several from back in the old AD&D days, but I'll go with a recent one I was DM for: Fighter killed a skeleton and did max damage, doubled for bludgeoning damage. I decided he knocked its head clean off, and rolled for distance and direction just for s#%^s and giggles. The dice determined that the skull sailed across the room and rolled down a hallway...which set off the tripwire in it, triggering a rather nasty and well-hidden trap completely harmlessly.

[Joe the Rat]

Vorpal weapons are hilarious when they aren't swords.

2nd Ed, doing a mid-high level ridiculous one-shot. I was playing a kobold with a vorpal warclub. Leapt onto a blue dragon from a flying chariot, and rolled a nat 20. I think we spent a couple minutes trying to figure out what decapitating a dragon with a magic stick would look like.

[Jay R]

In a 1976 tournament game of original Dungeons and Dragons, they had included a "critical hit" rule. If a Fighter rolled a natural 20, followed by an 8 on a d8, it was a killing blow.

We were running out of time, and hadn't yet found the quest object, so we were working as quickly as possible. The DM said, "A Balrog appears in front of you in the corridor. [It wasn't as bad as it sounds, though it was pretty bad. The category of "demon" didn't exist yet, and Balrogs were tenth level monsters.]

Don, playing the fighter, said, "We keep running through the two halves of the Balrog," and threw a d20 and a d8 down the table. They stopped in front of the DM.

The DM said, "Yeah, right." He then looked at the dice, blinked twice, and said, in a low voice, "You keep running between the two halves of the Balrog."

[braveheart]

We found a gellatinous cube in a pit, so the party wizard started summoning horses and had them all walk into the pi to deal fall damage to the cube, we killed it by dropping horses on it.

[Squiddish]

Our monk killed a dog by using another dog as an improvised weapon.

Untrue, he opted to knock it unconscious.

Other funny kill, or rather lack thereof: We were fighting some shadows and my Paladin used Turn the Unholy. Half of them failed their save and started running. I expected them to be trapped in a corner for us to deal with later, but I had forgotten that shadows are incorporeal. Long story short, they ended up in the middle of the woods very confused a minute later.

[Traab]

Way WAY back in the days of old school everquest, it wasnt unusual to have large amounts of mobs on different factions. Say goblins and lizard folk, that both hate each other. Another fun factoid in this game is, nothing ever stops chasing you until you reach another zone, die, or someone else hurts it enough to make it chase them instead. The third and final tidbit is, my monk has the ability to pretend to be dead which, if it works, makes everything attacking me think im dead and so go after the next enemy on its list.

So what I did once, was I grabbed, must have been three to four camps worth of lizard men, ran for the goblin fortress, ran inside as far as I could with everything chasing me, and waited for someone to fire off an aoe spell so the other side would get tagged. As soon as they did, I feigned death and total war broke out. Now, you may wonder why I did this. The main reason was because there was a named mob inside this fortress that had a rather nice bit of loot I wanted, but there was no way for me to fight my way through everything solo. So what I did was, I got everything between me and that room to fight the bad guys I brought with me, pretended to die, then while they started fighting, I snuck into the named room and beat the guy to death. I got my item, then ran through the ever shrinking group of monsters and made my way outside to safety. Hmph, try to force ME to group up with other people? Not when I have game mechanics I can abuse!

[Psikerlord]

My BBEG accidentally turned himself into a pot plant via Wild Magic. The party thief then kicked the plant into a void portal. End fight over in 30 secs!

[Stealth Marmot]

Just had a game where the players were ambushed by a cleric casting summoning spells while the players were crossing a rope bridge.

One of the summons was a fiendish dire rat. It attacked a player who was near the end of the bridge. I rolled a 1.

My rule with natural 1s is this: Critical fail comfirmation. If something or someone rolls a 1, they reroll. If THAT roll is a hit, then it's just a whiff, no hit. If that attack FAILS, then something bad happens (They get disarmed, provoke an AoO, etc.)

The dire rat confirmed it's critical miss. I had it dive at the player on the bridge and miss, going over the cliff. A loud squeaky "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" then a soft, far away SPLAT!

[Stealth Marmot]

My BBEG accidentally turned himself into a pot plant via Wild Magic. The party thief then kicked the plant into a void portal. End fight over in 30 secs!

Curiously th only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias is "Oh no, not again."

[YossarianLives]

We found a gellatinous cube in a pit, so the party wizard started summoning horses and had them all walk into the pi to deal fall damage to the cube, we killed it by dropping horses on it.

My party once killed a monstrous crab by spamming mount until the poor thing fell off a bridge.

[Shinn]

Some of my Lawful PCs bet their life with an agressive Beholder.
The bet ? A single win in a Rock, Paper, Scissors game.
Why ? Because "Duh, Beholders can only do Rock with their tentacles, so let's play Paper", as one of my PC said.

... One Silent Image of scissors casted by the Beholder later, two fellows PCs were destroyed.

[Rodimal]

Playing fetch with a gnome, a worg, and a stick of dynamite. The worg just couldn't stop himself from catching the dynamite in his mouth.....boom

[Divusmors]

The party's druid got caught in a reverse gravity spell. She pushed off the wall and slowly floated 2 rounds later to the edge of it, just above the boss, and wild shaped into a large polar bear at 120 feet up. After 2 distracting rounds fighting the other 3 of the group, he wasn't in much shape to survive.

[Rerem115]

We had to deal with this assassin one time. He cast Darkness and was hiding in it, while sniping us with a poisoned crossbow for 40 odd damage per hit. Our druid eventually got fed up with this, and cast Gust of Wind through the darkness, which knocked the assassin into a bear trap our ranger had set earlier, which snapped his leg and caused him to bleed out. This guy had almost killed the whole party several times, but he was defeated by some wind and a bear trap .

[Pauly]

Not a D&D game, but a superhero game. My character's abilities were basically that off normal human, but resistant to almost all forms of damage.

Fighting with the Final boss on the top of a skyscraper, the boss grabbed my character and was using me as ablative armor. On my turn I took one step backwards ... The boss did not have flight ... 120 floors later my character stood up and started cleaning all the mess of his clothes.

[Concrete]

Not exactly a kill, but in my last pathfinder campaign, my lvl 16 players were up against a blue dragon whom I, in an effort to challenge a party of lvl 16 casters, had given some sorcerer disciples, some other general buffs, and a few nasty spells of his own, other than the ones he already had.

And my players being who they are, they are curbstomping the disciples, who are barely making any headway in their noble task of razing the PC's home town and slaughtering everyone the PC's hold dear, while harrassing the dragon with all kinds of quite frankly, unfair status effects. Because some people simply have no class.

So, it is with a delight unbecoming of a game master, I inform a certain little elven wizard that he just failed his fortitude save and got baleful polymorphed into a tiny yellow garter snake. He of course makes his will save, because life is, above all, unfair, but it's something at least.
It becomes his turn, and he, with all the grace of a stage magician, unveils his spell list. There, in his top spell slot, shining with all the unfairness of a thousand cruel suns, there are four words, taunting me:

STILL
SILENT
BALEFUL
POLYMORPH


The dragons almost unfairly increased Spell Resistance?: FAILS
Its Considerable fort save?: FAILS
It's Magnificent will save?: FAILS

And from the skies tumbles a pink little garter snake.
The city of Sandpoint is saved, there is much rejoicing, a statue is erected, wine is drunk, and inside a triple-reinforced terrarium in the Rusty Dragon languishes Ghlorofaex, previously the most powerful dragon of the Kodar Mountains, now, the slightly neglected pet of one Ameiko Kaijitsu.
Because life is, above all, unfair.

[Fayd]

I killed a really nasty huge sized lightning shooting centipede with "Create Pit."

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Ok, technically my Eidolon, the rogue, and the Fullblade fighter got the kill, but the thing was just blasting us with a breath weapon from the ceiling and there wasn't much we could do. I realized that all Create Pit requires is a horizontal surface, which the ceiling was to a nominal enough degree. I cast the spell and the thing couldn't hold on to a surface that was suddenly much higher and it fell into the waiting stabbing and slashing implements of the party. It got blended.

Oh and I killed two ...Iron, I think... golems with Summon Monster 3.

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These golems would turn hostile and basically turn us all to paste if we displayed any hostile action. We had a holy gun paladin and the fullblade fighter was a smith. So together they made two very large shaped charges and filled them to the brim with gunpowder. The fighter very calmly walked up, set them at the golems' feet and walked away. Then from a safe distance, I conjured two small fire elementals who ...walked I guess... up to the charges and just touched them. No attack rolls, no hostile action, and a few instants later, no golems....and accidentally no castle gate but hey we needed to get through anyway.

[goto124]

I pale in comparison to all of you...

A player's masochist PC froze an NPC, then shot her in the head with a crossbow.

Player: I aim for the left eye.
GM (me): *rolls* It goes through the right eye instead.

Either way, the NPC died, and the corpse was left alone.

Later on, the same player plays another PC - this time a pacifist - and walks through the same place. Poor pacifist had to deal with the sight (and smell) of a corpse with a crossbow bolt through the right eye.

Also, due to the weird way the setting worked, there was also a living version of the NPC staring at her own corpse and wondering what she did to get so brutally murdered.

[Stealth Marmot]

A player's masochist PC froze an NPC, then shot her in the head with a crossbow.

The word you are looking for is "sadist" not "masochist".

The sadist enjoys causing suffering or pain, the masochist enjoys FEELING suffering or pain.

[IcarusWulfe]

In the first campaign I ever DM'd, the BBEG was a necromancer with a mind controlled black dragon. The dragon's life force was being used to power a sheild that protected the necromancer from all physical harm. Turn 1: Paladin charges, crits, max damage. dragon fails Fort save vs. massive damage. Dragon Shaman charges necromancer and punches with his barbed wire wrapped draconic fist, crit, necromancer dies.

[Draconi Redfir]

a giant portal to hell had opened up in the sky and one of many demons invading had managed to use a very high bluff check to persuade some humans to build him a ladder back up to the portal, claiming he just wanted to go home but intending to kidnap the humans.

absolutely none of our party members could pass his bluff checks, so we continued on, only realizing what happened when we were miles away and out of the city. Normally this would have made my paladin fall and loose all his powers, because he let the demon get away with those civillians. but it JUST SO HAPPENS* that a Dracon came by, scooped up my paladin and started interrogating him about the dissapearance of his son (who the party had fought some time ago.) The Paladin knew nothing, so the Dragon dropped him out of the air, coincidently right ontop of the demon manipulating the pesents.

Demon guts went everywhere, and the Paladin earned the nickname "Death from Above"

* I.e. The DM almost certainly did this to prevent the paladin from falling before we went into a cave filled to the brim with demons.