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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Deepblue706's Avatar

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    Default If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    Allow me to present my rules of D&D, which are all provided in documents which I force my players to sign prior to play. It is actually 517 pages long (though I admit, the first 512 is filler), but I don't have time to list it all here. It is a very sophisticated method of play, which took 17 years of playtesting, and the sacrificing of at least twelve kittens, and thousands more burritos.

    1) First off, you could play ANYTHING, so long as you donate to me the book where your class/feats/etc can be found. That's right, I'm not giving it back.

    2) Everyone would have to play as a race with a different size category than the next.

    3) Pun Pun is legal, and encouraged.

    4) Magic Items don't exist. Except for NPCs. They dissolve when you pick them up.

    5) You add your CHA modifier to HP totals, CON is now the stat for persuasion, and Bards need CON to cast their spells.

    6) Sorcerers base their spells on STR.

    7) Also, Gravity is a monster that can be slain. Defeat it, and you grant the world the freedom to fly. Prior to that point, however, nothing can fly. Not even birds. Not even WIND.

    8) The only alignments allowed are Chaotic Good, Neutral, and Lawful Neutral. You may only be Chaotic Good if you have 8 or less INT.

    9) Also, everyone gets free lasers at level 1, which are activated as a "laser action". "Laser actions" are like immediate actions, but you can only make a number of those each day based upon how many layers of clothing you're currently wearing.

    10) Octopus Royalty is a new Prestige Class, granting the benefits of ALL other Prestige Classes, ever (think Gestalt on a massive scale). It is only accessable to Awakened Octopi with 4 ranks of Craft (Ridiculous Dialogue).

    11) Fighters may only take Toughness or Exotic Weapon Proficiency as bonus feats.

    17) Fighters get an additional +3d10 HD every level-up, and at level 4, they cannot die. They can before after that point, though.

    12) ToB classes all have poor BAB and no good saves.

    13) Everyone is illiterate, and nobody can buy it off.

    109) Sneak Attacks heal enemies. They still hurt allies.

    551) Detect Evil becomes Detect Walrus.


    19) Smile Evil becomes Smite Walrus.

    A32) Hot Pockets rule the galaxy.

    B52) I need scissors. 61.

    550) No one may play anything using the material found the books earlier donated to me - I lied. You have access to the first 21 pages of the PHB, and the first 11 of the PHB2. Have fun.

    Qe7 -> Qe8) Checkmate.

    Clearly, these new rules would provide a superior gaming experience, and if you disagree, you obviously don't appreciate fine gaming. Also, I calculate a 97% chance that you are a nazi.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    psychoticbarber's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    Quote Originally Posted by Deepblue706 View Post
    Allow me to present my rules of D&D, which are all provided in documents which I force my players to sign prior to play. It is actually 517 pages long (though I admit, the first 512 is filler), but I don't have time to list it all here. It is a very sophisticated method of play, which took 17 years of playtesting, and the sacrificing of at least twelve kittens, and thousands more burritos.

    1) First off, you could play ANYTHING, so long as you donate to me the book where your class/feats/etc can be found. That's right, I'm not giving it back.

    *Snip*

    Clearly, these new rules would provide a superior gaming experience, and if you disagree, you obviously don't appreciate fine gaming. Also, I calculate a 97% chance that you are a nazi.
    Heh
    Heheh.
    Heheheheheheheheh.

    You better be joking, it's too funny for you not be.

    Edit: Just checked your avatar, and the octopus parts make so much more sense now. Ultros For-The-Win.
    Last edited by psychoticbarber; 2007-07-15 at 02:08 PM.
    *Evil grin* "Snip snip."
    Kayru, City of Ancients (OOC)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arbitrarity View Post
    The wizard sleeps the fighter, and/or greases him for sneak attack, and/or uses color spray. And/or makes him too weak to use his armour. And does the laundry.

    Avatar by Starwoof! Thank you kind sir!

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Emperor Tippy's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    People who think Tippy equals win.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyndmyr View Post
    Clearly, this is because Tippy equals Win.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sunken Valley View Post
    Tippy=Win
    Quote Originally Posted by Gavinfoxx View Post
    Wow... Tippy, you equal win.
    Quote Originally Posted by Immabozo View Post
    Tippy, I knew, in the back of my mind, that you would have the answer. Why? Cause you win. That's why.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mithril Leaf View Post
    Alright. I finally surrender. Tippy, you do in fact equal win. You have claimed the position of being my idol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Someone who shall remain anonymous
    This post contains 100% Tippy thought. May contain dangerous amounts of ludicrousness and/or awesomeness.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Troll in the Playground
     
    13_CBS's Avatar

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    May 2006

    Default Re: If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    Yeah, this will get locked soon.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    psychoticbarber's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    Quote Originally Posted by Emperor Tippy View Post
    Yeah, I've seen those. I was mostly teasing about the "better be joking" part, because it was pretty obvious. I definitely like the bite of the sarcasm.
    *Evil grin* "Snip snip."
    Kayru, City of Ancients (OOC)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arbitrarity View Post
    The wizard sleeps the fighter, and/or greases him for sneak attack, and/or uses color spray. And/or makes him too weak to use his armour. And does the laundry.

    Avatar by Starwoof! Thank you kind sir!

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Orc in the Playground
     
    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    I love it! Can I have your address so I can send you my books?
    [/delusional ravings]

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Deepblue706's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    Quote Originally Posted by Emperor Tippy View Post
    AW, Nuts....

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Apr 2007

    Default Re: If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    Quote Originally Posted by Deepblue706 View Post
    AW, Nuts....
    Just re-post it to either of the open threads
    Ogre Management
    Worldbuilding isn't just a hobby,
    it's a megalomaniacal obsession.

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Sheriff in the Playground Administrator
     
    Roland St. Jude's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I were to run D&D, I'd totally do it better than those other guys

    Sheriff of Moddingham: Locked as redundant.
    Last edited by Roland St. Jude; 2007-07-15 at 02:22 PM.

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