A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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  1. - Top - End - #91
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    I once killed a man with a never-ending can of pork and beans.

    That is all.

  2. - Top - End - #92
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    evisiron's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Kurald Galain View Post
    More bad puns!

    Armor of e, the realness - no, I don't get it either

    I am guessing...Ethereal armour?
    E-The-real = Ethereal right?
    Yay!

    Besides, there is always the Anymug!
    http://goblinscomic.com/d/20060424.html
    which then leads to
    http://goblinscomic.com/d/20060425.html
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    Behold Nosferatu, the Plant Vampire:
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    Thanks Kpenguin!

    Thanks Serpentine!


    Referring to Pop Yule Ashun:
    Quote Originally Posted by CyberRebirth View Post
    evisiron, that is the most awesome character idea I have ever heard of. I'm going to subscribe to this thread and look forward to updates.

  3. - Top - End - #93
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Oh - I've thought of another one:

    Ring of the Fifth Planeteer. Grants the wearer the Power of Heart

  4. - Top - End - #94
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Wardog, you are my hero.
    "We have become like unto tiny refreshing GODS!"
    --Popcorn
    Quoteses, preciousssss...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viscount Einstrauss View Post
    Player: Heh, that was easy.
    DM: You take 12 lethal damage.
    Player: Huh? From what?
    DM: Raw spite.
    Quote Originally Posted by NecroPaladin View Post
    'FEAR MY CUBESHOES! RAAAAAR!'

    Proud owner of one Gold Star, as awarded by Count Chumleigh.
    Member of the Metric System Fan Club.

  5. - Top - End - #95
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    psychoticbarber's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Wardog View Post
    Oh - I've thought of another one:

    Ring of the Fifth Planeteer. Grants the wearer the Power of Heart
    I've always wondered, is the Power of Heart anything like Trusting in the Heart of the Cards?
    *Evil grin* "Snip snip."
    Kayru, City of Ancients (OOC)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arbitrarity View Post
    The wizard sleeps the fighter, and/or greases him for sneak attack, and/or uses color spray. And/or makes him too weak to use his armour. And does the laundry.

    Avatar by Starwoof! Thank you kind sir!

  6. - Top - End - #96
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    SolithKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    • Invisible Platinum Piece - Or is it a gold piece? Copper? Hell, for all you know it could be a bus token.
    • Glasses of Farseeing - Ever wondered what severe Hyperopia was like? Now you can experience it first-hand.
    • Ioun Chef - No explination could atone for this horrid pun, but I couldn't help myself. Please don't hurt me.
    --Xero Storm, Epic-level Writer with max ranks in Banter (Sarcasm)

    Any typos on my part are clearly errors in reading on your part.

    "You're picturing me strangling you to keep you quiet. I know I am."

  7. - Top - End - #97
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xero_Storm View Post
    • Invisible Platinum Piece - Or is it a gold piece? Copper? Hell, for all you know it could be a bus token.
    Well, until Archimedes comes along and spoils the fun, anyway.

  8. - Top - End - #98
    Titan in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    The sperm whale of stealth.

  9. - Top - End - #99
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PirateCaptain

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Full Plate & Tower Shield Of Invisibility: Used alone, these are ordinary masterworked items, but when used together they make the user invisible. You still sound like an iron golem in a halfling sized kitchen, however.
    Granted, the invisibility thing might seem useful at first, but how appreciative do you think the rest of the party will be when the enemies can't see the meatshield and target the rest instead?

  10. - Top - End - #100
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    The Goggles

    ..............

    They do nothing!

    ..............

    Please don't kill me.

  11. - Top - End - #101
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Jack_Simth's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Yahzi View Post
    Hey! In that comic, the deer is calling V a "dude!"

    The question is answered!

    Not really - even if "dude" wasn't so often used as a gender-neutral term, all it tells you is what the deer thinks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kurald Galain View Post
    How is a flaming sword a bad thing? Or does the hilt also flame? Or does it post flame messages?
    It's a mundane (or masterwork) shortsword with a Continual Flame spell on the blade. Vaguely useful, but more likely to be used to swindle you than anything else.

    Edit:
    Oh, umm... classics

    The Invisible Ring (the ring is invisible; it does not confer this property on it's wearer)
    The Invulnerable Ring (the ring is invulnerable, doesn't protect the wearer at all)
    Last edited by Jack_Simth; 2007-07-21 at 06:27 PM.
    Of course, by the time I finish this post, it will already be obsolete. C'est la vie.

  12. - Top - End - #102
    Titan in the Playground
     
    PirateCaptain

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    A running joke in my group is the Cloak Of Billowing, its a mystical cloak that harnesses the power of wind to billow behind you in a dramatic fasion. The Wind does not affect anything except the cloak.
    It should preferably be in the possession of a greater wind elemental, or some wind-based monster
    Quote Originally Posted by Dsurion View Post
    I don't know if you've noticed, but pretty much everything BRC posts is full of awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by chiasaur11 View Post
    So, Astronaut, War Hero, or hideous Mantis Man, hop to it! The future of humanity is in your capable hands and or terrifying organic scythes.
    My Homebrew:Synchronized Swordsmen,Dual Daggers,The Doctor,The Preacher,The Brawler
    [/Center]

  13. - Top - End - #103
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Bassetking's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Simth View Post
    The Invulnerable Ring (the ring is invulnerable, doesn't protect the wearer at all)
    Invulnerable ring + Sovereign Glue + Immovable Rod = Ultimate Ship Killer.

  14. - Top - End - #104
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Neek's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Bloddyredcommie View Post
    A running joke in my group is the Cloak Of Billowing, its a mystical cloak that harnesses the power of wind to billow behind you in a dramatic fasion. The Wind does not affect anything except the cloak.
    It should preferably be in the possession of a greater wind elemental, or some wind-based monster
    I have a running joke in mine, too. Whenever there's a halfling in the party, they always find Skrodo's Only Ring. It's a ring of invisibility, but it drives them mad for no apparent reason. I think this time around, if the Halfling lives, another Halfling'll wrestle him for it.
    — Nicolaos of Aepternacos


  15. - Top - End - #105
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    Zeful's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    A couple of mine are just stupid.

    Let's see I made:

    Dust Devil: These clay colored boots do not register as magic items but they are. They turn any ground underfoot, up to 20ft, once a day into dust, irrigardless to the type of material. This effect is random, and has a 10% chance plus a cumlative 1% chance for every hour past 24 since it's last activation, once an hour to see if the effect activates. The hourly roll may be subsituted at any time it would be socially awkward to disappear into the earth.

  16. - Top - End - #106
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    SolithKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    • Vitriol Quill - A writing quill with an endless supply of ink... But it's highly acidic ink.
    • 2-Foot Spiked Chain - Yeah, I think that's pretty much self-explanetory.
    • Staff of Cydas - Turns stone into pasta. Don't ask why.
    • Gem of Obvious Destruction - When activated, user is imediately killed in some sort of "accident". Moron.
    --Xero Storm, Epic-level Writer with max ranks in Banter (Sarcasm)

    Any typos on my part are clearly errors in reading on your part.

    "You're picturing me strangling you to keep you quiet. I know I am."

  17. - Top - End - #107
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Xero_Storm View Post
    • Vitriol Quill - A writing quill with an endless supply of ink... But it's highly acidic ink.
    That could come in quite handy, for etching / engraving, or if you needed to write a permanent message on a rock / wall / etc.

    (Assuming that is that the acid doesn't destroy the quill itself. In that case, it really would be a completely useless item).

  18. - Top - End - #108
    Orc in the Playground
     
    nerulean's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Alleine View Post
    Tongs of Removal: To get that stick out of the Paladin's ***.
    Hammer of Insertion: Because it had to get there somehow.
    de·fen·es·tra·tion (dē-fĕn'ĭ-strā'shən)
    n.

    An act of throwing someone or something out of a window.

    [From DE– + Latin fenestra, window.]

  19. - Top - End - #109
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Bag o' Holdin'
    Appears as a standard Bag of Holding, but only holds half (or less) of the capacity of an equivalent non-magical bag. As an added bonus, it's not waterproof either.

    Hag of Holding
    A green hag that will carry anything you ask of her and is within her weight limit. The only problem is the Hag of Holding won't relinquish any item in her charge. Although the hag won't fight or use any special abilities on your behalf, she will use them to her fullest in order to keep possession of any items held.

  20. - Top - End - #110
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by evisiron View Post
    I am guessing...Ethereal armour?
    E-The-real = Ethereal right?
    Yay!

    Besides, there is always the Anymug!
    http://goblinscomic.com/d/20060424.html
    which then leads to
    http://goblinscomic.com/d/20060425.html
    the e used in this armour is a mathematical interger used in certain advanced pure maths, basically its a non-real number that makes the figures add up when you're doing something complex. It's one of the dirty little secrets of the really advanced sciences, something allong the lines of "just shove an X in and hope they don't notice we don't know what the hell we're talking about"

    The e doesn't in the reallist sense exist but it makes it all hang together, so the aromour of e - the realness. is actually nonexistant in interesting and highly esoteric ways....... now that that joke is explained i hope you enjoy it a whole lot more....
    Give them bread and circusses and the plebs wont rise against you. Give adventurers dungeons and trapped chests and they won't waste time looking to ransack your home and kill your wife.

  21. - Top - End - #111
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    andux's Avatar

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    Default don't step on thog's blue suede shoes!


    Cloak of Elviskind:
    This sparkly cape causes the wearer to grow prominent sideburns and a pompadour (replacing their existing hair, if any), even if their race or gender would normally not allow for such a hairstyle.
    (Do not sign anything.) -- Fell, Planescape: Torment

  22. - Top - End - #112
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    Zeful's Avatar

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    Default Re: don't step on thog's blue suede shoes!

    Quote Originally Posted by andux View Post

    Cloak of Elviskind:
    This sparkly cape causes the wearer to grow prominent sideburns and a pompadour (replacing their existing hair, if any), even if their race or gender would normally not allow for such a hairstyle.
    Also gives a +2 competence bonus to charisma

  23. - Top - End - #113
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GreataxeFighterGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xero_Storm View Post
    • Ioun Chef - No explination could atone for this horrid pun, but I couldn't help myself. Please don't hurt me.
    Alle Cuisine!

    I'd love to have a master of fine cuisine circling my head!
    "Rage, Charge, Full Point Power Sneak Attack"
    -opening line in the guild charter for 'The Solution'

  24. - Top - End - #114
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericofPhwarrr's Avatar

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    Default Re: don't step on thog's blue suede shoes!

    Quote Originally Posted by andux View Post

    Cloak of Elviskind:
    This sparkly cape causes the wearer to grow prominent sideburns and a pompadour (replacing their existing hair, if any), even if their race or gender would normally not allow for such a hairstyle.
    That is awesome in more ways than I can list. A cookie for andux!
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    Quote Originally Posted by lillitheris
    As for my personal choice, I might just worship ClericofPhwarrr.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hoorex
    Phwarrr is amazing and also my god.

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    Drystan in Karanblade
    Veryn in the Maacain Invasion. Veryn's Sliver, by Talfrey:
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    Tyro in the Maacain Invasion

    Avatar by Abardam.

  25. - Top - End - #115
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    sparkey477's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    my group has just started their first adventure, and some where along the lines iwant to include a ridiculus magic item just for the hell of it. here are some of my ideas;

    Gibbering Ring: this gold ring makes a slight gibbering sound if you put your ear to it. Anytime you see anything edible, you start gibbering wildly causing a -10 penalty to all hide, concentrate and move silently checks and confuses everyone within 20 feet as the spell (CL 3rd)

    Ring of the Twelve Inch Pianist: Summons a hard-of hearing Janni to grant three wishes. (Yeah, Like I'd wish for a Twelve Inch Pianist.)
    avatar by Mr Saturn.
    My townie Liran

  26. - Top - End - #116
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Goblin

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by mostlyharmful View Post
    the e used in this armour is a mathematical interger used in certain advanced pure maths, basically its a non-real number that makes the figures add up when you're doing something complex. It's one of the dirty little secrets of the really advanced sciences, something allong the lines of "just shove an X in and hope they don't notice we don't know what the hell we're talking about"

    The e doesn't in the reallist sense exist but it makes it all hang together, so the aromour of e - the realness. is actually nonexistant in interesting and highly esoteric ways....... now that that joke is explained i hope you enjoy it a whole lot more....
    You're thinking of i, which is equal to the square root of -1. e is Euler's Number (well, one of them), and is an irrational number (like pi) approximately equal to 2.718. It's one of those numbers that pops up a lot in mathematical equations for no real reason. It's also the base of the natural logarithm function.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euler%27s_number
    Last edited by Nerd-o-rama; 2007-07-23 at 05:04 PM.
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    Stealthy Snake avatar by Dawn
    Lack of images by Imageshack

  27. - Top - End - #117
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Koji's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    My crowning glory:

    Boots of Theme Music

    These boots were originally created for a duelist named Dash Handsome, who was rather fond of an overture accompanying his dramatic entrances. They have since passed from his possession and somehow become cursed.

    These boots appear to be Boots of Sneaking +4, and technically, they are. The problem is that while they do cushion the wearer's footfalls, they also play music as though a full orchestra is present. The music is always keyed to whatever the user is doing--gentle pizzicato strings for when the wearer is trying to sneak, rousing anthems for when he inspires his allies, and foreboding themes when the enemy appears to have the upper hand. Of course, the music prevents the wearer from sneaking anywhere, and may annoy those around him.

  28. - Top - End - #118
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Giant hammer of curing- anyone hit by the hammer is automatically cured (don't worry I will heal you *WACK*)

    A bag of every lasting bananas-reach in the bag get a banana (helpful when being chased

    Gloves of everholding-when wearing what ever touched with can never let go until taken off (high five)

    Sword of explosions- when this sword's blade hits anything it explodes (here let me polish your sword *BOOM*

    what yah think?

  29. - Top - End - #119
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Lavin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Roog View Post
    Bag of Ticks: This small sack appears normal and empty.
    However, anyone reaching into the bag feels a small, fuzzy ball. If the ball is removed and tossed up to 20 feet away, it turns into a tick.

    Hmmmmm...This could be very intersting to use...

    Farmer: Although you have killed all of my cows in the process, I thank you for your help ridding the dire rat infestation. [He hands each player a handfull of fuzzy balls] May these prove to be useful.
    PC: ...What do they do?
    Farmer: You'll find out soon enough....[He chuckles]...oh yes, soon enough...
    Last edited by Lavin; 2007-07-25 at 10:58 PM.
    Muahahahahhahaha!!!




    Many thanks to Threeshades for the wicked Avatar! You deserve many, many cookies.

    My Homebrew:
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    Drinks! Everything about drinking the PHB never told you.
    Ring of Flight A new item to enable a new race of celestials. Use for campaign fodder as necessary.

  30. - Top - End - #120
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Default Re: Ridiculous Magic Items

    Buckler of Location- Shows a map of the world at full size with a 'you are here' arrow. Does not zoom or rotate, and therefore can only pinpoint your location within 100 miles.

    Fowl (Foul?) Fork- makes everything it touches taste like chicken, with a 50% chance of it tasting like rancid chicken.
    I waste too much time doing the things I like rather than doing the things that need to get done.

    Oh well.

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